Trans-Blackface!

Yeah - that's a white dude
Yeah, that’s a white guy

There’s a row that’s been going on for three days over Mark Ruffalo’s movie about a trans sex worker. Jen Richards, who I have a secret crush on (only for her smarts. Damn! She’s wicked smart) took the actor, producer and seemingly good guy to task for casting a cis-man in the role of the trans character. She makes really good points. And while Ruffalo extends an olive branch in his own way, both the twitterverse and the transcommunity have a new bone to chew on.

I understand the frustration. When I first heard about this new film, my first thought was “I hope they put a transwoman in the sex worker role.” Bummed they didn’t. But really, not surprised: A lot of hollywood is about making money. It’s not surprising that it’s using the spotlight on the transcommunity as a money-making whore. After all, they did the same thing with black people.

Back then, when blacks were sweeping trash and staffing white bathrooms handing out towels, white actors (men) played black roles. They smeared their face with black paint (called blackface) leaving their white eyes, big lips and white-gloved hands starkly contrasting their pitch-black faces. It took many years before blacks finally wrested black roles from white men wearing black paint.

I think the same thing is going to happen with transgender roles. The Universe delivers on every desire, spoken or unspoken. Hollywood is not exempt. Yes, it seems to make sense to decry the fact that trans roles are being portrayed by men. Jen says it leads to violence against transwomen. That’s an overreach IMO. The real reason for (especially) male on transwomen violence is masculine insecurity. But that’s a whole other story.

I love films because they tell stories of all kinds that have all kinds of societal effects. Many films catalogue our collective cultural canon. But life is the real story telling stage. And we’ve seen this story before. Remember transcommunity. It took many years before black artists wrested black roles from white men in blackface. The same will happen here. Don’t fret too much. You only make the present moment worse for yourself. The Universe is creating a world for you. Focus on that.

The Pope is a Dope

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Yeah. Someone has to say it. In this episode, we dis the The Pope as he expresses his ignorance (you deserve it Your Holiness), a Rabbi straightens The Pope’s ass out, then we talk about how to read the news. Cause you all need to learn.

60 companies that think you rock

Sixty companiesThe Equality Act, sponsored by Sen. Jeff Merkley, D-Ore., and Rep. David Cicilline, D-R.I., would amend the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to include sexual orientation and gender identity among prohibited categories of discrimination.

There are good reasons a company might want to support this Act. Workforce retention is one. If you’re trying to keep your great employees and one of those lovelies comes out as transgender, you better be on the right side of that issue if you want to keep him. Another is recruitment. The younger populations are increasingly non-binary. Particularly if you’re looking at creatives. If you’re a business owner looking to hire such people, you better be perceived as supporting causes these people care about. Finally (but probably not least, I could only think of three this early in the goddamned morning), if you’re wanting to attract customers to your place of business you better be seen as being on the right side of history. And the right side is always the inclusive one.

Here are 60 companies supporting the Equality Act. Which means, they think you rock. If you’re not already, support these companies. Let them know you appreciate their support when you do.

Abercrombie & Fitch Co., New Albany, OH
Accenture, New York, NY
Adobe Systems Inc., San Jose, CA
Advanced Micro Devices Inc., Sunnyvale, CA
Airbnb Inc., San Francisco, CA
Alcoa Inc., New York, NY
Amazon.com Inc., Seattle, WA
American Airlines, Fort Worth, TX
American Eagle Outfitters, Pittsburgh, PA
Apple Inc., Cupertino, CA
Bank of America, Charlotte, NC
Best Buy Co. Inc., Richfield, MN
Biogen, Cambridge, MA
Boehringer Ingelheim USA Corp., Ridgefield, CT
Booz Allen Hamilton Inc., McLean, VA
Broadridge Financial Solutions Inc., Lake Success, NY
Brown-Forman Corp., Louisville, KY
CA Technologies Inc., Islandia, NY
Caesars Entertainment Corp., Las Vegas, NV
Capital One Financial Corp., McLean, VA
Cardinal Health Inc., Dublin, OH
Cargill Inc., Wayzata, MN
Chevron Corp., San Ramon, CA
Choice Hotels International Inc., Rockville, MD
Cisco Systems Inc., San Jose, CA
The Coca-Cola Co., Atlanta, GA
Corning Inc., Corning, NY
CVS Health Corp., Woonsocket, RI
Darden Restaurants Inc., Orlando, FL
Delhaize America Inc., Salisbury, NC
Diageo North America, Norwalk, CT
The Dow Chemical Co., Midland, MI
Dropbox Inc., San Francisco, CA
EMC Corp., Hopkinton, MA
Facebook Inc., Menlo Park, CA
Gap Inc., San Francisco, CA
General Electric Co., Fairfield, CT
General Mills Inc., Minneapolis, MN
Google Inc., Mountain View, CA
The Hershey Company, Hershey, PA
Hewlett Packard Enterprises, Palo Alto, CA
Hilton Worldwide Inc., McLean, VA
Hyatt Hotels Corp., Chicago, IL
IBM Corp., Armonk, NY
Intel Corp., Santa Clara, CA
InterContinental Hotels Group Americas, Atlanta, GA
Johnson & Johnson, New Brunswick, NJ
JP Morgan Chase & Co., New York, NY
Kellogg Co., Battle Creek, MI
Kenneth Cole Productions, New York, NY
Levi Strauss & Co., San Francisco, CA
Marriott International Inc., Bethesda, MD
MasterCard Inc., Purchase, NY
McGraw Hill Financial, New York, NY
Microsoft Corp., Redmond, WA
Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams, Taylorsville, NC
Monsanto Co., St. Louis, MO
Moody’s Corp., New York, NY
Nike Inc., Beaverton, OR
Office Depot Inc., Boca Raton, FL
Oracle Corp., Redwood City, CA
Orbitz Worldwide Inc., Chicago, IL
PepsiCo Inc., Purchase, NY
Pure Storage Inc., Mountain View, CA
Qualcomm Inc., San Diego, CA
Replacements Ltd., McLeansville, NC
Salesforce, San Francisco, CA
Sodexo Inc., Gaithersburg, MD
Symantec Corp., Mountain View, CA
T-Mobile USA Inc., Bellevue, WA
Target Corp., Minneapolis, MN
Tech Data Corp., Clearwater, FL
TIAA, New York, NY
Twitter Inc., San Francisco, CA
Uber Technologies Inc., San Francisco, CA
Unilever, Englewood Cliffs, NJ
WeddingWire Inc., Chevy Chase, MD
The WhiteWave Foods Co., Denver, CO
Williams-Sonoma Inc., San Francisco, CA
Xerox Corp., Norwalk, CT

Source: Human Rights Campaign

Where’s your baby?

img_3756.jpgThe infant kind. No, I’m not talking about you birthing a child.  I’m talking about the baby you’re bathing. 

Here: I’ll explain.

We all desire connection. One connection we most want, particularly as adults, is romantic connection. If you’re a transwoman, or a Transamorous Man, you, more than most really desire that kind of connection.  As much as you may think you’re the independent sort, can do it on your own (men) or don’t need a man to validate you (women), if a transwoman (for the men) or a great guy (for transwomen) showed up today and asked you out, I highly doubt you would say no.

Both Transamorous Men and Transwomen therefore have a desire for what every person on the planet wants. So why are you having such a hard time at finding it?  Probably because of your baby.

You see, when you’re complaining that there are no guys out there who will treat you right, you’re unlikely to find those that will.  If you say to yourself, “there are no transwomen in my area” it’s really difficult to find one in your area. The more intensely you think these kinds of thoughts, the more opaque go your lenses.  It gets to the point where there’s no way you can’t see anything but the reality consistent with your thoughts.

I talked recently with a transwoman who was a guest on our Podcast.  Anyway, she had this to say about the pool of men out there who are “admirers” and how they treat transwomen:

…we are kept as secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…How they dehumanize us all while admiring us.

It’s certainly NOT “admiring” when a guy treats a transwoman this way. Not by my definition. And while speaker did acknowledge backhandedly that there are a few “admirers” who won’t treat her that way (did you catch that?), the majority is what she’s focusing on. This is what I’m talking about.  Before she said this, she asked:

So are you asking for a trans-woman to go to your show and speak of rainbows and butterflies in how men date trans women?

If you’re wanting to meet a member of the minority who will treat you with dignity, then yes, I am asking not just our podcast hosts, but every transwoman who sincerely wants to have a real, lasting relationship with a great guy, focusing on “rainbows and butterflies.” Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the path to your joy and happiness, romance and a new life. You don’t have to do so if you’re a guest on our podcast, but you certainly must if you’re wanting a real-life connection.

If you’re thinking “all men” treat you a certain way, or there are “no men” out there who want you, or, that there are “no transwomen” in your area, then you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water. You don’t need “all men”. You just want one, or some number if you’re poly-oriented, or “non-hetero-mono-normative”.  You don’t need every transwoman, you just need one. Focusing on the majority is focusing on the bath water. While you throw all those men out, you’re throwing out the baby too.

So I ask: where’s your baby?

Admirer? Really?

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This one’s really short.

If you’re out there hanging with guys known as “admirers”, and those guys treat you as…

“…secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…”

Then you really should question your definition of “admirer.” Here I’ll help:

ad·mir·er (ədˈmī(ə)rər/) noun: someone who has a particular regard for someone or something

 

re·gard (rəˈɡärd/) noun: 1. attention to or concern for something. “the court must have regard to the principle of welfare” considerationcareconcern. 2. best wishes.

If a a person treats you like shit, they’re not an “admirer”.  They’re something else.  If you want to find someone who will have a particular regard for you, who will admire you, you might want to change a few stories, stories creating situations where you’re willing to put up with being treated like shit.

As though you have no other alternative (news flash: You do have other alternatives!)