Self-love Acceptance - The Transamorous Network

July 13, 2021May 30, 2021

How Misgendering Creates A Better Life And Happy Love

Last week, I shared why loving someone who misgenders you creates the best outcomes. In that post, I shared one Transamorous Network client’s story about what happened when her mother misgendered her.

I wrote the post you’re reading after our followup session the next week. What she shared in that session will astound you. It’s astounding for three reasons:

It shows how fast my client is improving
How quickly the Universe shows her opportunities to improve and
How beneficial what my client learned can be for other transpeople.

First, some background

My client asked in a previous session why her parents kept misgendering her. I told her it’s because she reacts negatively every time it happens. I explain this more in last week’s post.

Then my client described a social event where her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. This happened in front of everyone. Of course, my client felt embarrassed. What other people think about my client means a lot to her. So when she’s put “on blast” she doesn’t like it.

I showed her how to create future experiences wherein neither her mom, nor anyone else, misgenders her. She understood the instructions and said she’d follow them.

But at our next session, she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened. She and her mom talked on the phone. Instead of doing what I suggested, she did exactly the opposite. That sparked a HUGE fight on the phone between my client, her mom and step dad.

My client regrets saying what she said during that call. Her mom regrets what she said. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.

Fights of all kinds can be transformational moments. But isn’t it great when you don’t need fights to enjoy transformational moments? (Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash)

What happened next

A few days later, My client got an impulse to call her mom, but she didn’t. The next day her mom called her instead. They had a great conversation, as though the fight never happened. In that chat, my client’s mom invited her out shopping, which they both enjoyed.

Then, while at a separate function by herself, my client met a transgender woman. She was “early in her transition”, according to my client. Now, remember, this happened a few days after my client had a big fight with her mom.

An acquaintance introduced my client to this other trans woman. After introductions, they chatted a bit. Then, when talking with someone else nearby, my client, referring to the other trans woman, misgendered her!

The other transgender woman heard my client and corrected her. My client profusely apologized.

“I hate it when people do that and here I am doing it,” She nervously laughed.

My client told me in session how bad she felt. She got how this experience mirrored her own experience with her mother.

“Here I was doing exactly what my mom did to me to another transgender woman!” she admitted.

Life always reflects back to you what’s happening in you. You created it so you can do something about what’s happening in you. That’s why stories are so powerful. Through them you create reality. (Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash)

It got worse – then much better

Moments after, my client misgendered this transgender woman…again. My client felt shame and humiliation. That’s when she understood.

“I had no malice at all towards this person,” She said. “It was me not being aware. I understand now how my mother had no malice either. This experience showed me how easy it is [to misgender someone], and it doesn’t always happen because people are mean. Sometimes it just happens.”

That insight helped my client let her mother off the hook, which is exactly what I suggested she needed to do!

My client also realized her experience happened on purpose. The universe, she said, gave her this experience to get how easy misgendering can happen and to help her forgive her mom.

“Now I won’t be so quick to get so mad when someone does it. The Universe really helped me understand these kinds of situations.”

As a person tells positive stories more often, the Universe is in on the increase. It constantly sends life-lessons so experience shows what we’re learning.

Life: It’s no joke until it is

Some will say my client’s experiences all represent coincidences. But consider her stories at the time. Here she was making her mom really wrong, blaming her, judging her, thinking she’s being unloving, when instead her mother might be misgendering her daughter for totally different reasons.

My client got that, through her own experience misgendering a transgender woman. She stood in her mother’s shoes. And through all that, she found more love for her mom.

There’s a saying. It goes: you can’t make this up. In only a few days my client got how the Universe and her stories work together. Together they make the reality my client experiences. The more she turns her attention towards positive stories, the less life-sessions she’ll experience.

And the more joy and fun she’ll have.

July 6, 2021July 6, 2021

Misgendered: A Great Opportunity For Love Not Hate

The easiest way to get someone to stop misgendering you involves loving that person when they do it. Especially when parents misgender you. Here’s why we advocate this approach at The Transamorous Network.

Parents stick to misgendering their trans kids because they think they’re right. Nearly all people think they’re right about what they think they know. Another reason they do it involves pain. They don’t want to be wrong. Being wrong feels painful.

Parents think they know more than their children do. They’re wrong, but remember, they think they’re right and being wrong feels painful. Besides, they don’t want to believe the person they love is not the person they thought the person was.

Changing in front of children is hard

Acknowledging your identity also confronts their social standing and that’s hard for old people. No one likes losing face and old people really don’t. Your parents not only must confront their own judgements, they must also face their peers’ judgments too.

That’s tough. Misgendering you let’s them live in la la land. There they’re right and they save face. That’s a lot keeping your mom and dad misgendering you.

Parents also find socially embarrassing and humiliating being judged when in public. They care a LOT about what other people think about them. For some, their whole identity depends on what others think about them. For others, their entire career depends on it.

So parents face tremendous pressure when a child declares themselves trans.

We’re not making excuses for your parents. We’re showing you how to get what you want from them: You want them to use proper pronouns and call you by the name matching who you are.

Parents, especially older ones think they know everything. Your trans status usually confronts everything they think they know. So you must be the adult. Because they can’t. They’re too triggered. (Photo by CDC on Unsplash)

But it’s all about them…not you

Notice what happens when you resist when they misgender you: They double down, refuse your wishes, disown you or you them. Why? Because they’re defending themselves, their stories and their world view. For a while, these things are more important than a relationship with you.

All that means NOTHING about you. It’s all about them. Notice too the more you push against their world view, the more they resist you. In our vernacular, here is what happens when you resist what they do.

First, you reinforce many stories you have about your parents, which sets up future repeat experiences of what you’re resisting. You know this when you feel negative when they do what you don’t like.

Second, your parents resist your resistance, which creates in their world repeat experiences too. So you both cooperate in creating new experiences just like existing ones. Experiences neither you nor them enjoys.

This is why your parents misgendering you won’t stop until you stop resisting what they do. Of course, they could stop resisting who you really are. But, ironically, you’re the adult in this case. Not your parents. So you must make the first move.

A real example speaks volumes

A transgender client asked us why her parents kept misgendering her recently. I told her exactly what you’re reading. I said because she keeps resisting when they do it.

The most recent time happened in a social event. Her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. They did it in front of everyone. My client was embarrassed because she puts a lot of weight on what other people think about her.

The next day, a relative approached my client. “I can’t believe your parents did that in front of everybody!” this relative said. “It makes me so angry when they do that! They know you’re trans, why do they keep doing it?”

When my client told me what her relative said and how angry he was, I told my client “You don’t want to be listening to this person. Hearing this person’s stories and making them your own will just create more situations between you and your parents where they will misgender you.”

“Instead,” I said. “You should love your parents. Look for everything they do to support you. Find things you like about them. Focus on those things. When they misgender you, pretend it didn’t happen!”

My client laughed at first. She didn’t understand how doing this would work.

When you push against what you don’t like you’re setting yourself up for more of what you don’t like. That creates a lot of cray-cray on all sides. Instead, find good things about where you are and watch where you are change. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)

Here’s why it works

It works because whatever you look at will get bigger in your life. Whatever you look at that you feel emotional about will get bigger, faster in your life. So when you keep looking at, and get angry about ANYONE who misgenders you, you’re essentially saying “Universe, give me more of this!”

I told my client this and she said she understood.

But when she came to the next session she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened.

She had a telephone conversation with her mom. While on the phone, her relative’s complaints about her mom popped up in her head. Then she heard my voice in her head telling her not to heed her relative’s stories. But she also felt the pull of that negative story about her mom.

So instead of looking for things love-worthy in her mom she followed impulses that came from her relative’s negative stories.

“Mom,” she said. “I hope you can hear me when I say this. It really hurts me when you don’t use the correct pronouns. It also hurts me when you call me by my old name. I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

Like a match to gasoline…

Exactly as I described above, her mom got defensive instead of listening to what my client said. She didn’t hear a word my client said. Here’s what she did hear:

You’re wrong
You’re bad
I know better than you
Do what I say!
Your values are wrong
Your beliefs are wrong

Is it any surprise what happened next? Her mom got defensive, then angry, then went into a rage. She attacked my client (remember this is a phone call). In response, my client lost her cool and attacked back.

My client’s mom had the phone on speaker and her husband (my client’s step father) also jumped in. Of course he defended his wife. That’s natural, right?

My client said she said things to her mom she regrets saying. She also said her mom said things she’s never said to my client before. The phone call happened three days ago. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.

Your anger at those who misgender you acts as a match to gasoline. The fire just gets hotter…until you learn the better way. That learning needn’t be as hard as it is though. *(Photo by* Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)

Lesson learned the hard way

My client left the conversation extremely hurt. But it was all good because she realized through that very painful experience the accuracy of how this work works.

You just cannot get what you want when you focus on what you don’t want. Focusing on what you don’t want just gives you more of that.

So if you want someone to stop misgendering you, you can’t react negatively when they do it. Instead, you must find things to appreciate about the person. When someone misgenders you, you must talk yourself out of negative reactions. Then find positive things to say that cause you to feel good.

Until you do, until you learn to master your emotional responses to events, you just keep getting more practice. Practice which looks like people misgendering you!

It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But try it. You’ll find in short order that those who refuse to accept who you are will change. Then you’ve mastered your happiness.

It will take longer for loved ones only because you’ve got persistent stories about them, about how they are, and you think you’re right about that. But even persistent beliefs can change.

And when your beliefs change, everything else does too.

June 8, 2021May 8, 2021

The Awesome Point Where Things Come Easily

The best way to have everything you want, transgender women and trans-attracted men, is through finding a way to feel the best you can. Transamorous Network clients learn how to do that. When they do, their lives improve dramatically.

Not everyone needs help living from the best emotions they can. If you’re not a client, even though we offer incredibly reasonable rates, you can do it on your own. We offer a lot of free content here, and on other other platforms. Including YouTube.

Love, confidence and self-love are emotions with the most leverage.

From there, you should be able to see everything you want coming easy. Including the guy or girl you want.

Life flows consistent with how you feel

As I live from love, confidence and self-love, my life flows more and more consistent with my desires. I see plenty evidence of everything I want, emerging from within my life. Life feels good. It feels right. I feel loved.

Some ask “if that’s true, how come you’re not with anyone?”

My answer, of course, is, I’m clear about who I want as a partner. And, right now, I’m not yet a match to them. That’s where I’m focusing relationship-wise: becoming a match to them. I’m no hypocrite. So I practice what I preach.

Instead of looking for them, or being on dating sites or even going out on dates, I prefer this person come to me. I also know that will happen, when I’m a match.

In the meantime, I prefer being single.

How you feel can be manufactured

In that single-hood, I focus on creating the best, highest positive emotions I can about anything I think about. That’s because when I do that, when I manufacture my feelings through telling positive stories, I create the best circumstances for that partner I’ve created to show themselves to me.

Meanwhile, my life fills with other desires that fulfill themselves. For example, I don’t work anymore. No, I’m not retired. Instead, I enjoy my days lounging on the beach or hanging out at home. No matter where I am, I enjoy my passion to create a new economic reality for humanity or write about my transamorous experiences and share my spirituality with others through Positively Focused. Drawing, practicing spirituality and enjoying Netflix every once and a while fills my days. I also cook, bake and read things, all to my heart’s content. Not a single hour finds me working.

One of my drawings for Positively Focused.

What about money?

I don’t think about it. So money takes care of itself, coming into my life in amounts enabling me to live the way I choose. And, because I’m Positively Focused, because I tell stories that feel good, more money flows into my life in bigger and bigger quantities.

Of course, as I live, the more I see, the more I want. The more I want, the more I see. And the more I want and see, the more momentum builds, allowing more of what I desire to be realized by me. So just by living this way, having fun and enjoying my life, things I want come easily, as they gradually become a match to me.

That includes my lover.

Since I know I’m eternal, I’m in no rush to meet this person. It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, I’m having a really great life. Lounging, loving myself, having fun, being creative and helping others do the same.

It’s the sweet spot. The awesome point where things come easily. Are you in yours?

May 25, 2021May 2, 2021

Happy Stories Make Wonderful Cis-Trans Relationships

I love it when my clients send messages between sessions showing they’re putting what they learn from The Transamorous Network to practice. It’s even more fun seeing them getting awesome results.

I think any transgender woman would love loving a guy like my client DW. Recently DW met a trans girl who is a perfect match to what he’s asked for. She’s happy, smart, well spoken, hot (to him), fun, playful, and likes that he’s been totally transparent about what he wants.

Of course, that transparency comes from learning to tell positive stories, seeing results from doing that and therefore gaining confidence in being transamorous. Telling such stories, DW knows, made him a perfect match for Kim (not her real name). That’s why DW and Kim spent hours together via text, then on the phone, then on video every day early on.

“We can’t call each other spontaneously,” DW said. “Because we know we’ll spend hours together. We have to schedule our calls instead.”

Cute.

Transamory means owning one’s stories

After excitedly talking about Kim one session, DW sent a wonderful text message. The message showed not only how consciously and deliberately DW is implementing what he learned in his sessions, it shows how great the work works!

Clients learn, in session, how stories create reality. When they see evidence proving this statement true, clients, knowing what they learned, get excited. Seeing the work work is intoxicating. Especially when it comes to catching one’s old stories, doing something productive about them and seeing positive results.

Such acts also create empowerment, enthusiasm and joy where there might have been insecurity, shame, fear or frustration. DW’s text perfectly shows this in action. Check it out:

Joe catches his negative story (about himself) in action, then diffuses it like a boss!

It’s never about what it’s about

Bad behavior seems to happen in reaction to what someone observes. It might be something someone says or does, how they look, or maybe even something they don’t do that triggers bad behavior.

“Bad behavior” doesn’t have to be physical action. It can be subtle. Like DW here feeling himself pull away. You can bet at spiritual levels Kim felt that too, although she probably didn’t consciously register it.

But whenever someone “reacts” they’re not reacting to what’s happening. They’re reacting to their story about what’s happening. That’s why most people think their lives consist of random event patterns, some good, some bad, with a preponderance of one or the other. They think their life (their creation) is out of their control. So when they react they think they’re reacting to something out of their control.

When a person learns they’re creating their reality, they learn they control what happens to them. They learn to catch the “creation” early – like DW is doing above. Doing that, they realize they have far more control over their life than they thought. Including their dating life.

People literally can create any reality they want. Unless they think that’s impossible. But, “that’s impossible” is a story. A story creating realities matching it.

See how it works?

You get what you tell stories about

That’s why I say to everyone stories matter. What one thinks about is what they get whether wanted or not.

Understand this, do something about it and watch life how how well it works.

Seeing that, life gets fun. A person can’t help becoming happy. Like DW here. The more that happens, the more life will bring more things matching that happiness.

Each life is each person’s oyster. The question is what are individuals doing with their lives? For my clients, they’re creating their best lives. You can too.

May 11, 2021April 9, 2021

Why Transgender And Trans-Attracted Love Is Powerful

We’ve said over and over that transgender woman and trans-attracted men potentially change the world for the better. We’ve also said how each transgender woman is special and mentioned the special role they play.

It’s likely no surprise to some transgender women that this is so. After all, early civilizations venerated trans people, saw them as more than ordinary humans and treated them as such.

But looking at how transgender women carry themselves in the world today, how they think about themselves, how they think about men who find them attractive, you’d think (mostly correctly) that many transgender women today don’t venerate themselves.

We created The Transamorous Network to help change that.

You don’t get it…until you do

It took our podcast co-host Remy a single tea date and reading our guides to get who she was. Two years later, she changed her life. She went from believing all men are scum to living her life powerfully, including drawing to her a man who moved across the country to marry her.

Today, more than two years later, they’re still married.

In the seed of every transgender woman a powerful, world-changing being lurks. Same is so for trans-attracted men.

But feeling shameful or insecure about being different or fearing what others think about your difference generates experiences counter to who transgender women and trans-attracted men really are. So too when trans women try extracting positive compliments from others, such as “passable/not passable?” or “fuckable/not fuckable?”

Such playful-seeming actions on the part of transgender women mask insecurity. No one who loves themselves cares about what others think about them.

Recently, Tiffany, a Transamorous Network 1:1 client asked about this “specialness”. She wanted more about how transgender women, and by extension, trans-attracted men, are special, world changers, here to help humanity become more and better by themselves living their authenticity.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Words shared in this conversation mean little. But when life shows a transgender woman or a trans-attracted man these word’s accuracy, then the person hearing them, and experiencing life consistent with them, becomes absolutely convinced they are world-leaders here for a big purpose.

And along with that purpose comes the potential to fulfill every desire.

Positive stories will prove life convincing

But unless a transgender woman or trans-attracted man has personal experiences in their own lives like Transamorous Network clients, or like Remy has had, it’s hard to believe.

It’s only hard to believe because each person creates reality consistent with stories they tell. If, for example, a transgender woman believes they aren’t worthy of being loved by a man, or if a man believes he can’t find a trans woman who will love him for who he is…then both create realities consistent with those beliefs.

A transgender woman on Facebook complaining via her negative stories about men (and another transgender woman endorsing this story). It’s no wonder she struggles finding a man. The stories she tells aren’t consistent with what she wants.

Standing in those realities, I get why transgender women complain, bicker, call all men fetishizers, closeted gays or worse. I also understand why men seeking transgender women call the objects of their affection skeezers, gold-diggers, drama queens or worse.

Such labels spring from knee-jerk reactions indicating displeasure with realities each person is creating. The problem though is a person can’t change a reality they’re constantly complaining about.

It’s easy to get what you want

Getting what you want is supposed to be effortless, fun and guaranteed. Who stands between you and getting what you want? No one but you. So getting what you want is as easy as getting out of your own way and letting it happen.

It’s the “letting it happen” that’s hard. Most people aren’t willing to do that. Most want to “make it happen”, which is why so many people are dating online. They don’t believe life can lead them directly to their lover, so they get in there and try to do it.

Or they’re too impatient. They tell stories about running out of time, being too old, or worse – that they are beyond an age where they’re still attractive.

That’s why so many relationships suck. People push against what should be easy, thus making it really hard.

Letting it happen doesn’t mean sitting on your ass and waiting for that man or woman to come to you, although some waiting is required. Letting it happens means learning how “letting it happen” works, then stepping into one’s power, and using levers everyone comes equipped with to create a reality of one’s choosing.

Then everything happens in magical ways. Only it’s not magic.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men are on the forward edge of what it is to be human. It sucks being trans or trans-attracted when you don’t know that, and don’t own it.

Own it though and the world becomes your oyster.