Give Up Defending Victims Then Watch Life Get Great

Photo by Dasha Urvachova on Unsplash

Every once in a while a transgender person will write us in anger. They don’t like when we say “you create your reality”. They don’t like it because they think we’re blaming victims for “tragedies” they experience.

Here at The Transamorous Network, we know everyone creates their experience, including tragic ones. So we are saying people create their experiences. Only there are no victims. And when a person gets this for themselves, they realize something powerful: They can create any reality they want, including one where nothing ever bad happens to them.

That’s our point in saying “you create your reality”. Instead of wallowing in unwanted experiences, why not create a life where tragedies don’t exist, and instead, your life fills with joyful experiences?

Today’s post unpacks the “Victim Blaming” trope. It shows why victim hood doesn’t exist as an objective fact. Then it details why no one need experience tragedy. While unpacking all this, the post offers strong arguments why anyone thinking someone “blames victims” should rethink how they’re thinking.

It’s not that the blaming-the-victim trope isn’t true. It’s just that claiming a person does that, severely harms the claimant. That’s because the person making that claim disempowers themselves when they claim “victims” exist.

In other words, they make themselves a victim thereby setting up opportunities to experience victim hood.

Let’s first unpack the idea that tragedies exist.

Tragedies: do they happen?

When a person stands in the belief that “victims” exist, that belief validates the notion that “tragedies” exist. No doubt events happen wherein great suffering occurs. Often, such events happen with little or no warning. At least it seems that way.

Situations happen all the time that one group or another calls tragic. Even our political leaders use that word in describing events that, indeed, seem tragic. Building collapses, earthquakes and other natural disasters, airplane disasters, pandemics, mass shootings, terror attacks, rapes, violent murders…the list goes on and on.

Suffering from tragedies happen. But need they?

From one perspective these events are tragic in the sense that it seems none of the victims asked to have that experience. They (the victims) just had “bad luck”, standing at the wrong place at the wrong time. The tragedy claims them. Then their suffering spreads to their survivors – friends and families. Those who experienced similar situations and those who sympathize with the tragedy through media coverage, a reenactment film, or social media suffer empathetically as well.

It’s understandable then, when someone says “these people manifested that experience” the vast majority of people will respond angrily. They will accuse the speaker of “victim blaming”. Then claim that “creating your reality” is “unmitigated rubbish”. Which is how one person answered a question about Law of Attraction on Quora.

And yet it’s true

“Why would a person choose to be in a terror attack, die in a fiery plane crash, get raped or murdered!?” These people will cry. “That’s totally callus and impossible. It’s irresponsible to say such a thing! Not only does it disrespect the pain and anguish survivors go through, it perpetuates rape culture, misogyny and a host of other evils!”

While this post responds to such arguments in great detail, these words, while accurate, can only go so far. The best way these things get understood happens through practicing creating your reality in your daily life. Results you produce offer far more convincing proof than words on a screen.

So yes, it’s true. When a person experiences something like a tragedy, they chose that experience. We explain here in great detail. So bear with this very long post.

Things happen that appear tragic. But do they happen to everyone, or only those who invite them? (Photo by John Middelkoop on Unsplash)

What are you?

When a baby comes through the vagina, and for now, every baby comes in that way, humans think that being is innocent. They believe it arrived for the first time. It knows nothing about life on Earth. The infant needs nurturing, education and such.

And while the thing (the baby’s body) needs nurturing, the inhabitant knows the deal. It brings wisdom, not innocence, to earth. Whether freshly out of the vagina or 80 years old, a human being represents an emanation from a being possessing vast capabilities.

That being stands as vast as its capabilities. It is eternal, having existed as long as All That Is has been around (it has never not been around). In addition to being eternal, that being also enjoys indestructibility, invulnerability and it exists in all dimensions simultaneously.

You, dear reader, are this being.

Again, words on a computer will not convince you. To know…or credibly believe this…a person must put into practice a process that proves what you’re reading as accurate. Telling positive stories does this. Evidence positive stories produce will, over time, provide such enormously convincing proof, you’ll give up your human experience, revealing what and who you really are.

I have arrived!!! When that baby comes through the vagina, and for now, every baby comes in that way, humans think that being is innocent. But it’s not at all that. (Photo: Alex Hockett)

The Sacred Forgetting

Back to our baby…

When this eternal, indestructible being looks into the dimension that contains planet earth, they see great potential. We won’t go into detail about that potential. We’ll only say the potential is so great, it is literally irresistible.

However, to “come into” this experience and experience it fully, the being must “forget” its true nature. Also, the being, in all its beingness, is too great to “fit” into this dimension. So in addition to “forgetting”, it also must “squeeze” a portion of itself into this reality.

This all happens in the birthing process, shortly before or shortly thereafter, depending on the being’s choices. Some call it The Sacred Forgetting.

When the being sees this reality through the eyes of its creation “the body” (the infant), having forgotten temporarily its true nature, the reality of earth is COMPLETELY OVERWHELMING. This can’t be overstated. For some, it is totally frightening. But the infant is still a creator, no matter how small or innocent it might look.

That’s enough about the baby for now. Now, let’s look at the Universe.

The wish granting jewel

First of all, all physical reality is an emanation of the eternal, indestructible being experiencing it. It has no substance other than that. Therefore, it is 100 percent subjective as an experience. It has no objective reality separate from an observer. And no observer experiences what another does. This graphic helps illustrate this. It’s taken from the book Seth, Dreams and Projections of Consciousness, by Jane Roberts.

The ultimate reality of physical reality and its relationship to the eternal, indestructible force or entity that you are. Your reality overlaps those of another, but the other experiences only theirs. And you experience only yours.

Since it is so that no one experiences what another does, the being emanating determines the emanation. In other words, reality exists as a projected emanation of what goes on “inside” the projector. The being experiencing the emanation projects the emanation, then observes what it projects.

This is crucial for the unfolding of All That Is. Because the unfolding of All That Is is 100 percent dependent on All That Is. “All That Is” is the vast collection of the beings described above. All That Is literally is a stream (like a water shooting out of a hose) of intelligent, awareized energy. That “energy” is what “beings” are.

Since beings comprise All That Is, their collective emanations constitute reality across all dimensions. Why is this? And why is it crucial? 

Everything plays a part

The reason reality is set up this way is because it facilitates “more and better”. More and better of what? More and better improvement, expansion, deeper unconditional love and appreciation. All those things are the purpose of the Universe. The Universe, therefore, exists in order to prompt or trigger these things.

So it is predisposed to these things because these things – love, improvement, expansion – are the basis of what intelligent, awareized energy is all about.

These beings could accomplish the purpose on their own. But it’s far more fun and immersive doing it across dimensional reality. And, since “improvement and expansion” are the name of the game, at some point way back in “time” these beings understood through their personal experience that “improvement and expansion” were more satisfying when they happened the way they do right now across space-time-realit[ies].

Now, we’re referring to the relationship between humans and the Universe. But the same dynamic exists between every instance of physical reality and the Universe. Not just humans. An ant enjoys a similar experience. So does a rock. Dirt too. Atoms too. The wind as well. These beings animate every instance of physical reality. Remember: you are one of them. That’s important.

So the Universe exists as a “process” whereby immensely powerful all-knowing beings use the “process” to expand into more and better. In doing so, everything becomes more and better. That evokes more and better, deeper feelings of love and appreciation, joy and empowerment among these beings.

Now let’s get back to that baby.

Physical reality on earth is an emanation of consciousness, consciousness being the limited version of the being’s experience while in a physical body.

Separation, illusion, insecurity

Human perceptions create the illusion of separation. It looks, though eyeballs and other senses, like physical reality is separate from the observer. That’s on purpose.

The human forgot what it is. So in human form, this god (what else would you call it?) perceives the world from a human perspective. From that perspective, for example, it looks like there are other “humans”, some of which care a great deal about this baby, some who don’t care at all. Some might even want to harm it.

But initially, the baby is surrounded by humans offering care. This situation – birth conditions, including parental type, economic circumstances, ethnicity, religion and more – are conditions all decided and agreed upon. Every being involved, including the baby, agreed it would unfold the way it does.

In other words, no randomness occurs when a baby comes through that vagina. All conditions are known and everyone involved agreed to them. The baby is a creator. It always was before, it still is now and will forever be.

Abraham telling it like it is from Ester Hick’s daily email.

Dependency begins

The problem, and this is where all problems start (if you want to call them that), is the forgetting. Not only has the baby forgotten, so has its parents, the doctor, the nurse, the uber driver, the children who are now the baby’s siblings. Even though they all agreed in advance, all of them forgot that’s what happened.

So now, the baby comes in (or out). Reality’s bewildering nature so starkly shocks, it causes insecurity in the baby. The baby realizes that, in it’s forgetting and now human perspective in a tiny body relative to others, it must fend for itself.

But it has allies. Its parents, the nurses and doctors, midwives or doulas, in those initial days, care for it. It realizes then that it must rely on these larger humans to give it what it needs.

That’s problematic in a way because it sets up and reinforces something that is not happening but looks like it is: that the baby is dependent on bigger humans, humans who are separate from the baby and could, at any time, withdraw their support or offer dangerous expressions such as anger…and “punishment”. So one of the first things babies learn is how to manipulate adults into caring for them.

Onto emotional adulthood

From that early moment on, the now human has concluded (not learned), or adopted from others’ conclusions, that the world is separate from it and filled with others, some of whom care, but most who don’t. The human also concludes that they must be careful.

They must be careful because at any moment, those who don’t care might come and do something that will harm them. Or those that do care will turn into those who don’t. That’s scary.

Even those with the best upbringing feel this way. We’re generalizing a bit for brevity’s sake. Generally, hardly anyone on the planet grows up free of the following emotions:

  • Insecurity
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Doubt
  • Disappointment
  • Blame
  • Frustration
  • Annoyance
  • Boredom
  • Impatience
  • Jealousy/envy
  • Fear
  • Pessimism
  • Anger
  • Grief
  • Dispair
  • Depression

Occasionally, they’ll experience more positive emotions. But because humans generally exist in a state of insecurity, the emotions above represent their dominant life experience.

Now, we’re ready to talk about manifestation.

Where “reality” springs from

Without emotions, it would be very difficult to manage one’s manifestations. There are other factors, but emotions play a big role.

Remember, reality is an emanation that has no objective substance. It’s there to show the being what it has going on “inside” so it may steer to “more and better”. In doing that it gets more love, joy and appreciation.

So when an internal condition exists, that condition eventually gets reflected “out” into the emanation (reality). This is on purpose so the being, now in a human body, can tell what’s happening “inside”.

Because it is in a body, only a portion of its energies are in the emanation. “The emanation” includes the body. So its focus, in the beginning, is kinda fully engaged in negotiating through and around in the emanation, aka physical reality.

That’s why a human who doesn’t know what you’re reading believes the emanation is real. Beliefs associated with that belief tell the human that the way they get what they need happens through manipulating matter – people, circumstances and events. Doing that requires near full attention. And it’s exhausting.

Remember, reality is an emanation that has no objective substance. It’s there to show the being what it has going on “inside” so it may steer to “more and better”. In doing that it gets more love, joy and appreciation.

Linking thought and reality

Now, another word for the word “condition” used four paragraphs above is “vibration”. Everything is vibration. Science has proven this, but please, don’t ever let science be the final word. It knows very little.

Physical reality as an emanation is composed of vibrating frequencies or conditions operating in a harmonic. That harmonic allows human senses to translate the vibrating frequencies the way they do – into objects and space. But those frequencies have their basis in the same “place” from which beings emerge through a vagina into the world. So conditions or vibrations are constantly moving forward, changing and expanding within the being that now is partially in a human body.

Reality springs as an emanation from thoughts people think. These thoughts harmonize vibrationally with others, and increase in frequency until they create the reality each person sees. (Art by me)

How manifestation works

When that internal vibration or condition changes, the emanations must change, matching the internal change. Then the body’s senses translate those changed emanations into changed conditions, circumstances and events matching the internal frequency change.

That’s what happens when some tells stories. “Manifestation” occurs. And manifestations are ALWAYS occurring because people constantly tell stories.

Every human does this. Every human exists eternally. It squeezed itself into a body. Each human being agreed to all the circumstances making its experience “real”. And, each person cooperates with all the others in agreement.

So physical reality happens on purpose. It serves expansion, more and better, and deeper levels of unconditional love which is the basis of All That Is. All That Is, of course, springs from the collective stream of awareized energy, the “being” which all humans are. Which is what you and we are.

So “manifestation” is a fancy word for the process by which internal conditions (stories) get projected into external emanations which match those internal conditions through vibrational harmonics, which are under the direct control of awareized, eternal, indestructible beings choosing to incarnate in a physical body. The process is designed to facilitate greater levels of unconditional love, a kind of evolution for these beings, of which you are one.

A detailed explanation of how manifestation works. (My graphic)

Manifestation: It is law

Any time a person puts their attention on their physical reality, then formulates a story about what they’re putting their attention on that’s different from what they’re observing, they change the frequency of their internal vibration. When they do that, the emanation they’re looking at will change to match the story because the story represents a shift in vibration, vibration setting up conditions for the emanations. All other conditions being equal THIS MUST HAPPEN.

The same is true when a person simply changes their beliefs or changes their mind, or makes a statement inconsistent with observed reality. If they hold that vibrational harmonic long enough, their reality must change to match it and it will change to match it unless the emanator (the person) fails to hold the changed vibrational harmonic.

And this is why everyAnd this is why everyone who says manifesting is rubbish is right. Their story, their internal vibration says “[manifesting or Law of Attraction] doesn’t work”. What do you think their reality is going to show them? It will show them it doesn’t work.

By now you should logically arrive at the following: there are no tragedies. But we’re going to offer more to help you see the logic of that.

The Universe is predisposed to good. We already said that. Love, more and better all represent good. But there seems to be some “bad” going on. Why is that if the Universe is predisposed to good?

It’s because all that “bad” being created is on purpose and designed to lead people to the good.

Now think about that. Doesn’t that make the “bad” actually good?

Free will means a lot

It does. But people enjoy free will. Nothing can happen they don’t want to happen. They sit in the driver’s seat. They also forgot everything you’re reading. So they don’t know they create their reality and their reality is supposed to be filled with fun, good, happy love.

Go back and look at that list of emotions. Most people reside in the combination of these. Even those who say they don’t.

Emotions are early indicators of vibrational harmonics or stories. And emanations (reality) ALWAYS match the internal, incipient condition(s) as late stage indicators. Emotions tell you whether or not the emanation you’re about to experience is going to be good or not when it comes.

But when it’s not, that’s a good thing. That’s because external reality exists to help people understand whether they’re going in the direction of more and better, or not. And since every human enjoys free will, no one but the individual makes the choice.

So if I (as a human) am focused on stories that are predominantly negative, my reality will reflect that back to me. Not as a punishment or something bad, but as a clue telling me “look at and do something about your internal reality (my stories)”.

But I’m free to not do that. If I don’t, my reality will keep emanating what I’m putting out.

Tragedies emerge from free will

If I’m in insecurity or fear most of the time, or anxious, for example, the world around me will reflect that back to me. Not as punishment, but so I can know that my stories need attending. And if I don’t do that, if I keep focusing on conclusions that are negative, I will get more and more of that, in greater intensity, including more and more circumstances reflecting my internal state back to me, like a positive feedback loop.

It’s hard to believe, but a person who is raped had strong vibration happening inside, that created earlier warnings in him or her that, had they heeded them and changed their trajectory earlier, they would have avoided the rape altogether.

The same is true for people experiencing strong emanations such as terror strikes, disasters and mishaps.

Again, you must put the practice to work in your life to convince you of this. These words will not do it. But evidence you create will.

A person in tune with their “higher knowing”, we call that one’s Broader Perspective, enjoys a kind of GPS mapper. Their Broader Perspective routes them around such experiences to the degree the person tells positive stories. Better said: one’s Broader Perspective constantly guides people to everything they want. Since hardly anyone “wants” to experience tragedies, such things aren’t included.

Tragedies happen in the mind of observers and the lives of those who invite them in. That means you needn’t experience one. (Photo by Dasha Urvachova on Unsplash)

When things “go wrong”

We’ll offer another perspective on “tragedies” of which there aren’t any 😊. That is, when such things happen, great good always comes from them, but not always immediately. Hopefully you see this. One of the greatest tragedies, World War II, spurred some of the greatest advances in many, many fields, for example.

The point is, you can’t know, in your human form, why something happens to another. But it’s for certain what’s happening is on purpose and benefits the entity experiencing it. And, when that happens, the benefits spread to everyone else because everyone else is cooperating with everyone else as described above.

So nothing is ever going wrong, even though it may look like it. Conflicts, disagreements, protests, wars…it all represents eternal beings working out vibrational harmonics such that the end result is more and better, best described as an eternal, unconditional state of ever-becoming more…love.

The purpose of existence is simple: creating more love. (Photo by Fadi Xd on Unsplash)

Tragedy disempowers

No one ever need experience “tragedy”. Certainly such situations happen. But they need not be seen as “tragedies” as, surely, they are not. And, no one, absolutely no one, need experience something like that against their will. That doesn’t mean such situations don’t happen. When they do, people involved got there while not paying attention to what they created.

There always will be people struggling to gain their footing, and, in the process create emanations for themselves that look “tragic” to others.

The problem with concluding they are tragic is, when you do that, you tend to enflame your own sense of insecurity, which, if you hold long enough, will manifest into your own tragic versions.

Or, you can take the hint your emotions are sending you, shift your attention to something better-feeling and experience only increasingly positive experiences. That’s the nature of life’s promise to all beings. It also fulfills the basis of the practice my clients and I explore through The Transamorous Network.

A New Client Raves Over His Great Results

Photo by Janita Sumeiko on Unsplash

Some transgender people – it’s never trans-attracted men – get triggered by how I support the transgender community. They don’t realize their getting triggered has nothing to do with me or what I do. It’s all about their insecurity, triggered by stories they’re telling.

I often respond by telling such people my clients and the community in general benefit hugely from what I offer, evidenced by many people offering thanks, appreciation and examples of how it helps them. Nearly all my clients stick with me because what they get in transformed lives far exceeds how much it costs.

This is why I guarantee the results I promise.

My most recent client offers a great example. He’s a trans-attracted man. After his very first session, he created for himself exactly what I offer and guarantee everyone gets, trans or trans-attracted. Here’s what he texted me:

My newest client gets an extraordinary life experience after only one session.

Everyone gets similar results, although details look different. That’s only because all physical reality is 100 percent subjective. It’s unique to the perceiver. No one shares their experience with another. Which is why so much disagreement happens. Everyone thinks other people are having the same experience they are.

There’s no reason for a transgender person – man or woman – to go through life not getting what they want. Same for trans-attracted people. The only thing keeping such people from what they want is the person themselves.

The trans experience and the trans-attraction experience are human experiences. Both are wholesome and good. I show folks how to get to that wholesome goodness story-wise. Then, in time, their world must reflect that back to them. Including bringing them everything they want.

I don’t care when some transgender women hate on me after reading a Transamorous Network post. They literally don’t know what they’re talking about.

But trolls gonna hate

Sometimes a transgender woman will read me saying transgender women own the lives they create, then tell me I’m victim blaming. But they don’t understand what my clients do. There are no victims.

But if a person believes there are…they make themselves a victim as much as those they pity as victims.

I don’t care when some transgender women hate on me after reading a Transamorous Network post. They literally don’t know what they’re talking about.

But my clients do. That’s why they rave about results, while sticking around. They get a taste of their power. Then they want more.

I know what I offer helps transgender people and those who love them. I know because such people tell me so. That’s why I do what I do. I came here for this.

So when a client raves about results they produce, I focus on that. Those who get negatively triggered, who’ve never even tried to understand what I offer, let alone put it into practice, get the cold shoulder.

I tell them to take their triggered attitudes elsewhere. Find things to read they agree with. Leave me alone.

That way I have more time to serve those ready to live their lives as the creators they came to be.

How Life Can Be Great For Trans or Trans-attracted People

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Life is great. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people. That’s because trans and trans-attracted people come into the world with powerful purpose: to create a new reality for humankind and expand All That Is.

I’m here to encourage those trans and trans-attracted people how special they are. My purpose also includes reminding them how powerful they are, how fun life is supposed to be — can be — and how easy it is to get all they want.

After all, we all came here knowing the experience would feel like a glorious adventure.

But, the brilliant “reality”…the real-ness of life experience…stuns nearly all of us out of our knowing. So, most people just try getting by. They compromise on their dreams. Then end up leading mediocre lives.

Mediocre is ok; but that’s all

A mediocre life is fine. Actually, mediocre lives represent “normal” living. So someone living a mediocre life means that person chose what everyone else chooses.

But how many people do you know had the following dream in childhood?

I’ll tell you how many. Zero.

That kind of life can feel ok. Seeing others living that way, most think it’s preferable. But a better life exists. Especially for trans and trans-attracted people. Even if you’re in a mediocre life (or worse) now, you can change it. We talk about that all day every day in this blog. The how is easy. But you must choose it.

A simple process like this gets it going. But understanding WHY it works is as important as doing it. Otherwise, you won’t believe it works. And that story stops the process in its tracks.

It’s easy; life is too

In a short time, anyone can prove to themselves the following:

  • That they are an eternal being
  • Life gives them everything they want, easy
  • Each person lives at the center of the universe
  • Nothing can harm anyone
  • Everyone is invincible
  • Each person creates their experience

With only a little practical application, anyone will see evidence of all this. And, when that happens, a person wants more evidence. The more evidence they see, the more gets created because the Universe wants each person knowing these things.

Trans and trans-attracted people must know these things even more. Why? Because when they don’t, they get lives so many trans and trans-attracted people live.

Don’t be like everyone else. Live extraordinarily. Life gets easy when you do.

Don’t know how? We help people every week learning just that.

What A Powerful, Happy Trans Woman Sounds Like [VIDEO]

Terryel (formerly Tiffany) kicks ass. Six months ago she began creating new stories for herself. As a result, her life is on fire. Everything she wants she gets: Men’s attention, opportunities to express her passions, clarity around her family and friends, and, of course, good sex.

Don’t take my word for it though. Listen to her tell her own story. Terryel shows how telling better-feeling stories creates new, better realities. Her new ways of interpreting experiences leave her empowered and joyful. Instead of self-judgment/self criticism, Terryel speaks lovingly and confidently about herself.

How many trans women speak like this?

Terryel’s confidence, joy and clarity inspire. I cracked up at her newfound sense of humor. I felt moved by her insights, insights everyone gets when they realize they create every situation they experience.

Transgender women: DL men needn’t leave you feeling like shit. Desperation and fear about ever feeling loved needn’t worry you. Your happiness depends on no external situation, or person.

Once you discover YOU create every experience, even with DL men, empowerment will rise from within you. One that happens, confidence, assertiveness and joy becomes your all day, every day. Then, and only then, can you say good bye to men who treat you poorly, or circumstances you prefer not to have.

All those things spring from within you too. Change your stories though, and, like Terryel here, you’ll uncover your freedom, your power and your joy. Then a life consistent with all that will be yours. Guaranteed.

Am I Attracted To Transgender People?

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’m Jay and I’ve been interested in your site for a while. The only thing is, I don’t know exactly where I fall in the whole transamorous thing. Because I can’t really say that I’m specifically into transgender women.

What I find is that I’m a straight man actually into clean shaven effeminate men who cross dress. Unlike trans-attracted men, I pretty much label what I have as a fetish. I compare it to men who are into dressing up in leather, but instead, I’m into gay guys that dress up in women’s clothing and wear makeup. I’ve know this since I was in my early 20’s and now I’m in my late 50’s. But I struggled with it because I was afraid that this made me gay. So I explored that just to see if it was the case and as hard as I tried, I was just not into men. Not into muscles, penises, bodily hair, masculine men, bears, twinks, etc. But an effeminate gay guy dressed in women’s clothing was a turn on.

In my 30’s I had the opportunity to be with 2 cross dressers and it was amazing. Neither evolved into sex, but there were numerous kissing sessions with both and I can say the level of sensuality was incomparable.

Here’s the twist. I’m married and have been for 20 years. But still, I have that part of me that still has this attraction, however I have no intention nor desire to act on it. My outlet is through cross dresser porn once in awhile. I will not venture past that because I refuse to cheat on my wife with a cross dresser or anyone else for that matter. So this feeling is something that will obviously not go away and it’s not hurting anyone so I’m just trying to accept it.

My reason I’m writing this is because I don’t know where I fit into the transamorous title. When I’m watching adult materials, I actually skip the transgender section and go straight to the cross dresser section of the gay site to find depictions of bottom cross dressers being intimate with top men. And again, the level of intimacy and chemistry that I enjoy is unmatchable. So I’m not sure if there are others who relate to this.

Lost in my sexuality

Howdie Lost!

There’s no need to label your interests. Especially no need labeling your interest as a “fetish”. Your interest is not “abnormal”. “Normal” gets us all into so much trouble. What’s normal is, the vast diversity of everything, including sexual and romantic interests as well as sexual and romantic expression. So just enjoy what you enjoy and be done with this.

Your interest as you describe it doesn’t fit in the category “Transamorous” though. Transamorous as defined by its creator (not me) means “someone who is romantically interested in transgender people.” You describe your interest as categorically not that.

Now, some cross dressers are likely somewhere along a trajectory leading toward perhaps some version of transitioning from male to female. That could make that person trans, even if they don’t recognize it in them yet, in the same way trans-attracted men would, strictly, be defined as “queer”. But again, who cares if your interest falls into whatever category?

What we offer, in terms of encouraging people towards what they want, towards greater self-appreciation, self-acceptance and self-love, applies equally to everyone. Not just transgender and trans-attracted people even though that’s our focus at The Transamorous Network. In other words, no reason exists justifying you feeling confused, bunged up or shameful about what you find attractive, arousing or alluring. Enjoy your experience for what it is: a unique expression of what you uniquely are.

So what that you’re married. You can be married and still enjoy your attraction. It would be better if your marriage partner knew this about you, of course. That could afford greater freedom of both expression and being. But I can understand if they (your marriage partner) don’t know and you wanting to keep them in the dark, as many marriages aren’t built so much on trust and honesty as they are on desire, security and social norms.

The whole “am I gay” story trips so many people up, you’d think it’s the only option to “straight”. But there are as many variations of human sexual and gender expression as there are people. I would encourage you to drop labels and attempts to categorize yourself and accept who you are as you are and know what you are is right…just as you are. Relief you might feel in that may open more doors to all kinds of pleasurable futures.

Life is meant as a fun experience. Make it so by telling stories consistent with that. Then watch how your life becomes fun, the way it’s meant to be.

TTN

Dear The Transamorous Network,

Wow…wow!

Thanks so much for this affirming and uplifting reply. This made my day! I’ve had this attraction for years and have always kept it as my private joy.

I must admit that there was a ton of “confusion” in regards to my orientation at first but I never felt that I was gay because the litmus test that I used was that I had no desire to “receive.” By that, I mean even though I had a major turn on for transvestites, I had no desire to give oral or receive anal from them. I suppose to put it in gay terms, I would be considered a top. And not that this means anything, but we like what we like.

In regards to sharing this with my wife, I’m still a bit shy about doing that. Although she is liberal, there are still some conservative resembling opinions that I’m sure would inhibit her from fully embracing that part of me. I also know that there are people who are fully aware of their spouses’ tastes, but they make it work. For example, I belong to an Atheist organization and met a woman at one of the conventions who was happily married to a man, yet she identified as bi-sexual. For her, it was enough to state that she is bi-sexual and she has no desire to cheat on her husband. Likewise, I can say that I have an insatiable attraction to transvestites, but it doesn’t mean that I am going out there to live out my fantasy. I was with a gay crossdresser years ago and while it was very intimate, we did not go the whole way. But for me, that memory is enough for me to cherish because without a doubt, it was one of the most sensual, intimate experiences of my life.

I think that what it boils down to is that we all like what we like and there’s nothing at wrong with it as long as no one is getting hurt or taken advantage of. I’m trying to embrace this more and more and your response has helped me tremendously already.

So thank you for your words of encouragement. You are very good at this and I’m sure that you’re helping a lot of men who are dealing with a lack of self-acceptance.


All my very best,

Lost, but now found