Relationships - The Transamorous Network

June 23, 2020June 25, 2020

Trans Amory Starts With Self

No_More_Broken_Hearts — Photo by Ed Robertson on Unsplash

If you think you’re alone in your trans attraction, think again. There are all kinds of men out there, feeling exactly the same as you. Struggling with, feeling shame or embarrassment about your trans attraction? Many men feel similarly.

And, many trans-attracted men don’t feel like you. Such men embrace their trans attraction and enjoy fulfilling, happy, out-loud lives with trans girlfriends, partners, even spouses. Or they live alone happy in their singledom.

The same goes for trans women. There are trans women of every kind, of every political persuasion. There are trans women who think you (and me) are the worst kind of man. These trans women think we fetishize them. Some of us do, along our journey towards transamory. But not all of us.

That’s why I know every trans attracted man, or trans woman, has many, many potential matches. The question remains: What stories do we tell? Stories we tell bring us people matching those stories.

For example, some trans women who rage against men like us think all trans women feel like they do. They’ll share their knee-jerk reactions with their friends and get solace from them, not knowing that friends typically share similar stories. That’s what brings friends together. That solace doesn’t last though because when they share their disempowering stories and get agreement from friends, they unwittingly perpetuate what they complain about.

Meanwhile, there are trans women who are in their power. They’re happily living lives with loving trans attracted and transamorous men, or women or whatever. When trans attracted men get their stories right, they find more happy trans women and fewer bitter ones. That’s what we help men (and trans women) with at The Transamorous Network.

Stories shape relationship

One client I’m working with finds consistency in trans women he meets. He meets trans women who reflect back to him his own disempowering stories. Chase’s stories trigger feelings of unworthiness, insecurity and a lack of self love. He knows what he wants in a partner, but doesn’t believe he deserves it.

Chase’s mother raised him while struggling with substance abuse and sex industry work. Chase experienced a lot in his childhood home. Conclusions he made about life back then shape his relationships today. Chase confuses his self worth with money, just as his mother likely did about her self worth relative to her Johns. As a result, love and money get confused in Chase’s relationships.

It’s no surprise then that Chase attracts insecure trans women who seek their self-worth in lots of sex and flirting, including flirtatious relationships with other men, which trigger Chase’s stories causing him to feel insecurity and jealousy. They also equate love with receiving money. It’s also no surprise then that Chase fulfill such stories, giving these girls up to $500 a week. He says he loves them. But what’s really happening is, he seeks love in them that he can’t find in himself.

Craving that external validation costs him up to $2000 a month! He could get lasting and far more rewarding real love from himself for free. And use his money to rent a place to live.

Slowly breaking free

Chase is changing these days through the work The Transamorous Network offers. As his self awareness increases, he sees his relationships change in subtle ways. Sometimes, though, it takes him a while to get the message.

For example, recently a trans woman he’s seeing beat him up pretty bad when she perceived (accurately) that Chase had sex with someone else. This woman, like Chase, has stories stemming from her own upbringing which trigger her insecurity, unworthiness and pain and match her with someone like Chase. Violence between them comes from both parties ignoring earlier warning signs. Chase and I talked about these signs months ago. But Chase’s stories kept him wanting this relationship even though he knew what lay ahead.

After the second violent exchange, this time involving police, Chase sent me a series of texts:

Relationships always reflect stories we tell. I strive in my life to get those messages early, change the stories and thus enjoy better relationships and avoid drama. I encourage my clients to do the same.

Sometimes, though, it takes some drama to get the lesson. In Chase’s example, there were early signs his partner gets violent. Ignoring early signs leads to stronger messages. After the last beat down, I thought maybe Chase had had enough:

But three days later he sent the following:

Sometimes it takes people a lot of drama (and perhaps some broken bones, black eyes and damaged property) before they learn the lesson. 🤷🏽‍♂️

The best relationship happens when a person discovers the love relationship between them and them. Relationships with others always reflect relationship with self. When I’m in love with me, I get relationships matching that.

So do my clients. Some clients get there faster than others. 😂

All relationships guide us to ourselves. When I nurture that love, love from others matches that. This is what I show my clients. It starts with getting over stories conjuring shame and embarrassment for who they are. The process never ends because self love has no upper limit. It gets stronger and stronger, more fulfilling.

As it does, romantic relationships follow. The best cis-trans relationships start with the self. From there, any relationship is possible.

June 9, 2020September 8, 2020

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy and this letter, from a person in Russia who doesn’t speak English, has been edited for clarity:

Hello!

Before I start, I want to warn you, I use Google translator.

[Am] I correct to understood that “The Man’s Guide To Finding Your Transgender Parter” [about] working with your own statements (on your blog, I noticed you call this “story”)? And with this guide you can remove all the “garbage”?

Also, with the help of it, it will be possible to find the most ideal and most beautiful trans-girl (with all the qualities (external, internal, sexual, etc.))? Even [if I have things telling me what I want is unrealistic (because it seems to me that my requests are too big…and I want to work out that too)?

[My interest in] Trans-girls began 10 years ago (approximately), I am 23 years old [now]. At one time I tried to suppress this attraction in every possible way, but it always ended in failure (and every day, I am more glad that I did not succeed in suppressing).

Like many, I was tormented by the thoughts “I’m a gay / bi / pervert,” but recently, I realized that it makes no difference to me what my orientation is, I’m just crazy (in a good way)) [for] trans-girls.

In the future, I want to find the only one with whom I will live my whole life, and that we live happily, harmoniously, cheerfully, so that we enjoy each other even just being together.

For myself, I realized that I am a monogamist and I do not want to waste time on temporary, short, one-way relationships.

I hope that I will use your guidance as soon as possible. Thank you for being there! I am glad that I am not alone in many thoughts. Sorry that the message turned out to be long, I just wanted to at least share it with someone. Happiness, kindness and all the best to you.

Evgeny

Hi Evgeny!

Thank you for your email. Google translator is very good!

Yes, The Man’s Guide will help you change your stories. Your current stories create your reality. In time, by focusing on stories that support what you want, you will meet the transgender woman of your dreams. No request is too big. No request is “unrealistic”.

The guides will work. But you must practice what they teach every day with discipline and rigor. If you do, you will see your desires happening. You will also notice other areas of your life improving. The guides will improve your entire life in addition to your love life. 😌

Some people have difficulty with a daily practice. That’s why we offer 1:1 mentoring. In the mentoring you get a weekly call with me. We talk you through using the material each week. Your daily life becomes your practice arena. The cost per month is less than one mental health counseling session.

I’m glad you found us. Your experience is similar to many people. You’re not alone and your desire is NOT perverted. I’m glad you’ve come to that realization and are ready for a wonderful love life. Because you are.

It’s normal to find transgender women attractive and worthy of your love. Because they are!

TTN

May 26, 2020May 26, 2020

How to differentiate between trans-attraction and transamory

We get a lot of letters and comments at The Transamorous Network. So far, though, nothing like this…

Last week Jim Venturini contacted us. He’s followed us for many years, but recently accepted wholeheartedly his transamory. He contacted us not only to tell his success story, he also wants to reach others like him, who struggle, as he once had, with trans-attraction.

That’s the difference between a trans-attracted man and a transamorous one. Trans-attracted men can be nearly anywhere along the journey. The Transamorous man is in one place and one place only: not only do they love trans women, love them openly and see them for all of who and what they are, they’re also out loud supporters.

But they’re not just supporters of trans woman. They’re also supporters of trans-attracted men. They’ve been there, they know what it’s like. They recognize how hard it was and want to help other men have it better. They recognize how they too once fetishized trans women and want to help stop that.

It’s cool hearing Jim’s story. Rather than us telling it, here’s Jim telling it in his own words via a IM session he had with us. See if you can tell the difference.

Whether you’re trans-attracted and feeling shame and embarrassment, there are lots of men like you out there feeling the same way. Not only are you not alone, YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY. We can help you embrace all you are then become successful at finding your partner.

If you’re a trans woman and thinking after reading this that Jim is a unicorn, think again. Not only are there tens of thousands (and more!) of men like him out there, the biggest thing to know is, you don’t need that many! You just have desire for one, likely. You can have the love you want. Telling the right stories is where it starts. We can help you too!

May 19, 2020September 8, 2020

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi,

I for most of my life have lived and thought of myself as a straight man. Now though I feel I am also attracted to trans women pre and post SRS. I prefer women but I’m also attracted to trans women. I am from India and we have this under a taboo subject line. So I haven’t told anybody yet. I just want to understand my sexuality better. I have only felt sexual attraction to trans women yet, maybe because I don’t know any trans women. If you were familiar with India, you would probably know that here transsexuals don’t really live with everyone else as a community. They are sent or left with other transsexuals and don’t really come in contact with the rest of the society generally. I hope you’ll understand my confusion and help me understand my sexuality. I accepted it quite some time ago. The first time I felt it, I was scared but soon I realised it’s who I am, and accepted it.

Kumar K.

Hi Kumar,

That you are writing us indicates your willingness to want to understand more of what and who you are. Congratulations! Yes, we’re very familiar with how Indian society regards Hijira. Here are some things to consider, based on what you wrote:

Regarding your sexual orientation: It doesn’t matter if you’re bi or straight….or even gay really. Although “totally” gay men aren’t usually attracted to transgender women because gay men are attracted to men. However, we have had both gay men and gay women (lesbians) contact us asking for help with their attraction to trans men and trans women. The point is, whether you’re “straight” or not doesn’t matter.

That said, some transgender women who aren’t fully secure in who they are, avoid men who are bi or otherwise not “straight”. That’s because some transgender women feel insecure about themselves. They feel insecure because they tell stories that conjure insecurity. Rather than changing their stories, finding their invincibility then dating from there, they try soothing their insecurity through validation from prospective partners.

So a “totally straight” man is usually what they are looking for because a “totally straight” man will validate that they are women. A guy who is somewhere in the middle, i.e. not so straight, will trigger their stories and thus their insecurity.

The problem with insecurity-producing stories is they match the story teller with people who are themselves insecure. This is why so many trans women complain about DL men: they meet so many DL men because DL men are insecure and thus match the women’s insecurity.

Everyone always meets their match. If you’re insecure, you’re going to meet insecure people when dating.

That said, there are lots of transgender people who are secure in their self-awareness, their stories and beliefs and choose partners from there. Such trans women are open to men who are not totally straight because the men’s non-straightness doesn’t threaten the women.

Your orientation is not that important relative to your attraction. But your stories about your orientation create circumstances consistent with them. You just want to be aware of that.

A “straight man” is always attracted to attractive transgender women…until they find out the woman is trans. This is because the idea of a “transgender” person threatens their insecurity (their negative stories about themselves) as a straight man, in the same way a bi male might threaten the insecurity of a transgender woman. Is this making sense to you?

So a straight man is usually at the very least intrigued….when they meet an attractive transgender woman. A secure straight man would not be reviled by the presences of a transgender woman, for example.

On your preferences: Good for you. As you come more into owning who and what you are, you may refine your preferences. But for now, it’s totally ok to have the preferences you have.

On taboos: One of the reasons you chose to be born in India is to explore your sense of self-identity juxtaposed against a society which is very strict about how one thinks about one’s self compared to others. You also are there to “shake things up”. This is, generally, what all trans-attracted men came to do. Same with transgender women.

You came into the world appreciating the marvelous diversity of life. The more you are secure with who you are, you give room for others to do the same. If you think about this regarding the women you now accept being attracted to, you offer them a great gift: proof through your sincere, honest and transparent attraction to them that they are worthy of being. And of being loved. That’s huge.

It’s a fascinating journey Kumar. One that has lots of wondrous experiences in store for you.

TTN

Hi again,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it and would like to answer that yes I understand what you are saying. If I am being completely honest with you I would say I prefer women. I always have and it’s natural to me. But I also find trans women attractive as I already said in my last email. I don’t really care if they are pre SRS, I am still attracted to them. Because post SRS they are basically women. They don’t need to explain themselves to anyone. I won’t so much say that I am attracted to men, but yes I have thought as far as a kiss maybe, but nothing more, and it has only happened on rarest of rare occasions. To be exact, twice. It’s just really freeing to actually Converse with someone about this. Thanks for the reply. It really means a lot to me.

Kumar

Hi again Kumar,

You’re welcome. Good you’re understanding. It’s ok to prefer women. You haven’t been with a transgender woman yet 😂.

It’s interesting too that you’re exploring outer edges of who you are, for here in your second reply you admit experiencing physical intimacy to some degree with men. This shows this whole idea of “straightness” filled with more holes that most people think. Humans would be better off dropping stories claiming there’s only “men” and “women” and “Gay” and “Straight”.

Keep exploring!

TTN

May 12, 2020

Transgender woman gets her wishes

This transgender woman who lives in rural America got her dream job, a ton of boys and more…it’s all so fun…and with little effort on her part, she says. Hear it in her own (unscripted) words.

At The Transamorous Network, we work with our clients so they get the love they want, the jobs they want, the love they want. But the most important thing we do with our clients is show them how to find and maintain joyful lives. That comes from telling the right stories. And when a person does that, no barrier stands between the person and their desiress.

We guarantee you’ll find the love of your life. Where you live, what you look like, what you are, doesn’t matter. We guarantee it because we know it works. So do our clients, such as “Joslin” here. Want that dream girl or guy? Get your stories right. We’ll show you how.