It’s just so awesome seeing how life delivers really fantastic surprises. That’s what happened recently. I was talking with Muriel about the trans community. Specifically we were talking about violence and trans people. I recently wrote a blog in response to that conversation.
But what I didn’t share in that post was how the story evolved after Muriel and I had that conversation. Muriel always inspires me. She’s super smart. She also has really insightful views, informed, probably, by her life experiences. Too bad I can’t share some of those, because they’re quite interesting.
But I respect her privacy.
So, anyway, we talked about violence and radicalization. We specifically talked about certain trans women. Women who want to take up arms against transphobic people. Our conversation had us both thinking we could write something about what we talked about. Muriel shares her views on a blog. I do too, obviously.
After we talked, I went on a walk. I thought a little about the conversation while out and about. And then, I came across this:
I featured this photo in my previous blog. What’s interesting about it is it exactly matches or substantiates what we talked about. That it did didn’t escape me. Which is why I immediately shared the experience with Muriel:
It’s not coincidence
It’s not coincidence I encountered this specific graffiti. There’s really no such thing as “coincidence”. Everything we experience is purposeful. It springs from our conscious focus, aka, our stories/beliefs.
Muriel and I together, focused on a particular subject. That focus had me choose a path that rendezvoused me with this graffiti. That’s because my Broader Perspective knew it would delight me. Which it did!
I shared the photo with Muriel. She said she’ll accompany her blog with it. I did the same, of course.
So why am I sharing this?
It’s because this little event offers the framework available to us. One that works with anything we desire. Focus on that desire exclusively and watch as the Universe will conspire with our Broader Perspectives to bring us that which we focus on. We’re already doing it. Which is why so many transgender women complain about men, yet don’t find love. It’s why so many trans-attracted men say their “type” doesn’t exist then don’t meet any.
We must focus on what we want to get that. We can’t get what we want through focusing on the opposite. My life is rich with examples like this. Muriel is an example of this.
And you can be too. Let’s get you the love you want. Or whatever else your heart desires. Contact me.
Editor’s note: This post published earlier this past summer. However, a kerfuffle developed around it. So we unpublished the post. We’re re-posting it now, having changed it given input from our readers and from the Medium.com legal department.Read about that kerfuffle this post triggered here.
Some transgender women act in ways that tarnish the entire community. These women do things that make life hard for everyone involved. Of course, some trans-attracted men do the same. They make it hard for all the other trans-attracted men.
But this post isn’t about the men. It’s about one specific woman. Her, and a mystery we solved last year with the help of a trans-attracted guy. What I find highly gratifying about this is how it happened perfectly demonstrates how “stories create reality” works 100 percent of the time.
For when I first heard what this person was doing, I didn’t complain about it. Rather I was fascinated by it. I wrote a blog to warn men about her. Then I privately told the story that the Universe would show me who this person was.
I wrote that post two years ago. Last summer, the Universe gave me what I wanted. Here’s how that happened.
A familiar MO
A trans-attracted guy wrote me on Instagram out of the blue. He was in the middle of divorcing his wife. While separated he tried dating this person. Things went awry, as they usually do when people don’t have their stories straight. Then, in retaliation, this trans woman outed the guy to his wife.
The wife then used the guy’s trans-attraction in court to wrest sole custody of their kids. She then called me in a tizzy about her ex being trans-attracted and how her life has been destroyed…
That’s another story.
But the guy’s experience felt super-familiar. That’s because not long before this, I received a similar story from a midwestern father who received a similar letter about his son.
So when the Instagram guy wrote me, it seemed auspicious. I’m keeping his name out of this at his request. He doesn’t want anymore drama.
The guy who helped me solve the mystery telling his story.The guy explaining what happened.
Apparently then, this trans woman seeks men via online dating apps. When things go bad for her (because her stories match her with men matching her stories) she outs the men to wives, friends and families. And she includes our contact information.
Such actions are highly inappropriate. It’s like when people in the 80s and 90s outed gay men against their will. You’d think this woman would know better as there are many transgender women who face similar situations.
The guy who wrote me gave me her telephone number. He didn’t remember her name. But the number was enough. With it I was able to identify her. I sent the guy some pics and he confirmed the person in the pics was the girl.
Trans-vigilante: REVEALED
Her name is Úmi. If you meet a woman with that name, you might want to avoid her.
Of course men who met her and then ended up on the receiving end of her ire created that rendezvous too. They are not victims. Neither is the guy who helped me. Everyone is responsible for what they create.
But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t help men avoid unnecessary complications on their Chaser to Transamorous journey. So guys: consider this your second warning.
This person destroyed two families and drove at least one woman (that I know of) to the brink of suicide. This is a serious matter.
If you sympathize with what Úmi has been doing because you think men deserve this, you might want to consider how it felt the last time you were on the receiving end of attention you didn’t want or abuse you felt undeserved. While everyone creates their reality, some of us with the ability to help others have the option to do so. That’s one reason why I started this blog and work with clients both trans and trans-attracted.
On that note, I must acknowledge this person was very briefly a Transamorous Network client. She did not reveal her behavior to me in the very few, preliminary sessions we had. I reached out to her several times prior to publishing this post. She did not respond to my requests.
And to be clear, should I discover men acting egregiously as this person has, I would share that information too.
A desire to serve and enjoying proof
I don’t know if she still behaves this way. She’s beautiful and, like all people, can get what she wants. I know (because all people are this way) a loving heart and compassionate spirit exists within her. Acting from rage or disempowerment isn’t helpful. It’s clear she realizes she could benefit from help. She just needs to clean up her stories, then she’ll be closer to getting what she wants.
Before she knows it, she can enjoy love from men, instead of matching up with men who trigger her ire. After all, they are only reflecting that ire back to her, reflecting her inner state of self-loathing and insecurity.
Meanwhile, I’m stoked with what happened. The Universe answers all desires. I’m glad this turned out the way it did. I got what I wanted.
I wanted to know who was using The Transamorous Network’s brand in a way that was causing unnecessary harm. In asking, the Universe gave that to me. It’s just one more example proving this practice works.
Our stories create all our experiences. Change our stories and our experiences change. Anything we ask for can be our experience. It takes some time though. This experience stretched over a couple years.
Thank goodness we’re all eternal. Because of that what’s a couple years in the context of eternity? It’s literally less than a blink of an eye.
I love it when what I share with clients gets confirmed in my own life. It’s icing to see it confirmed in my client’s lives too. And I’m appreciative the guy reached out to me the way he did. It was a perfect manifestation of my desire to know who this trans woman was.
My Advanced clients are so inspiring. Even when they struggle, they create for themselves the Charmed Life. Being Positively Focused Advanced clients, most of them catch when they do this. Still, it can feel like a painful struggle. That’s only because they need more practice. More practice that solidifies their trust that their stories create their reality.
An Advanced client today, who happens to be trans, shared an example of this. She’s progressing nicely. Her biggest desire for now is manifesting her lover. But she has many disempowering beliefs in the way. So her path to the lover is really bumpy. And yet, today she shared a story proving her progress, even though she told her story through tears.
Now, tears aren’t what people think they are. Tears are manifestations. They happen when humans release resistance. So crying isn’t a bad thing. Nor is it sad. It’s actually good. It only feels sad because we’re taught that it is sad. After all, after crying, we usually feel better, right?
As she told her story, my client felt much better. That’s no surprise. Being sad is impossible when one stands in witness to their unfolding Charmed Life.
Here’s the story she told.
A fabulous experience of inner awareness
She’s currently getting to know a guy I’ll call “David”. David has a child from a previous marriage. He and my client, I’ll call “Jill”, were texting. Today is Jill’s birthday and it isn’t a good one according to her. That’s because she perceives herself as alone (she’s not). And she think she’s getting older, which, for her is a terrible thing.
It’s terrible because the older she gets, she believes, the less time she has to find and enjoy her lover. In such beliefs, Jill can’t possibly feel happy and optimistic. Especially on her birthday!
Which is why some days she’s not happy or optimistic, including today.
Jill didn’t remember how wonderful sadness is. That sadness tells her something important. As we talked about that, naturally, Jill’s mood improved. Again, a human can’t be sad while standing in appreciation or empowerment, and as we talked that’s where I lead her.
Once getting there, she remembered what happened between her and David. Remembering this story in itself was a manifestation. She wouldn’t have recalled it had her mood not improved. So the story returning to her memory told her something important too. That’s another story though.
David is very busy. Not only does he have a child, he also works a lot. And, this weekend, the weekend of Jill’s birthday, he’s moving. So he’s doubly busy. David asked Jill if he could see a photo of her. She suggested they swap candid shots. So Jill, who was at a coffee drive-through, drove down the road then pulled over. There she snapped a couple pics. Then she sent them to David.
If you believe it long enough it becomes true
As is typical with text apps, Jill saw that David got her pics. Then she saw that familiar three dancing dots at the bottom of the chat. David was writing something. But he never pushed “send”. Here’s what happened next in Jill’s own words:
“At that moment,” She said. “I knew there were good reasons why he didn’t reply to my pics. But I made up really negative, really bad reasons why he didn’t. He didn’t like how I looked, I thought. He thought I was fat or thought I looked too masculine.”
As Jill thought these thoughts, she said, her mood got more and more negative. Before long, she was angry and sad.
“I totally believed what I was thinking,” She said. “I just knew what I was thinking was true.”
Jill’s persistent negative talk has been around a while. So there’s a lot of momentum behind those beliefs. She knew what she was thinking wasn’t true. And yet, she thought she knew for a fact that they were true. In other words, her reality was confirming her persistent beliefs. After all, she had been in situations like this before. Situations where men ghosted her after she sent a pic.
In those situations, though, she never found out the real reason why they disappeared. So getting no explanation, she made up her own. These she repeated over and over, in situation after situation, until her explanations became “truth” for her.
Anything we believe will prove true. Believe it long enough and, eventually, we’ll manifest evidence confirming the belief.
Creating deliberately
This is why I advise clients not to look at what’s true. Especially if what’s true isn’t what’s wanted. Instead I encourage them to look towards what they want. That’s because, for most of us, what’s true is inconsistent with our desires. So looking at what’s true causes that which is inconsistent with our desires to persist. Getting what we want, therefore, requires looking where our desires are. That place I call nonphysical.
Perceiving nonphysical is crucial to manifesting what we want. That’s why I spend so much time teaching how to do that in client sessions.
We can’t see nonphysical with our eyes though. We must learn to “see” it differently. When we do, we have our hands on powerful levers. Levers allowing us to create reality deliberately.
Jill knew what she was doing. Though convinced her beliefs were true, she said she was aware that she was creating a reality she didn’t want. Which is why when David finally did text her, she was not surprised: David had been busy, apologized for his delay and complimented her on her pics.
Jill said this was a big lesson for her. “I have to learn to rewire my thoughts so they’re more positive,” She said.
I agree.
In every case, the love we want that hasn’t shown up hasn’t because beliefs we hold keep it away. (Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash)
Transforming the future
Being aware of what we’re doing when we’re creating unwanted is another crucial skill. Developing it first requires understanding how reality becomes reality. Then we use our awareness to interrupt that process. Then we learn to direct the process deliberately.
That Jill knew what she was doing was awesome. That she used that awareness to improve herself was the cool gift the Universe gave her. Had she not had the experience and awareness, the gift would have slipped through her fingers.
We talked about different stories she could tell in place of automatic beliefs activated by habit. We can literally make up any story that feels better. It doesn’t have to be true. It just needs to feel better.
He lost his phone.
Someone stole his phone.
The phone got run over.
He’s just busy right now.
These four stories feel better than those Jill told herself. The third made Jill laugh. That was a great sign. All of them are not true. Except the last one. Yet they all had Jill feeling better. And that’s the goal.
By practicing this skill on any topic we automatically think negative thoughts about, we transform our future. We make the future compliant with out desires. Do that often enough and we’ll find the future including more of what we want.
What we want therefore becomes a foregone conclusion. They must manifest. That’s just how the Universe works.
Words aren’t as convincing as creating results in your own life that prove this. Maybe you’re ready to do that. Contact me and let’s get you on that path.
Life is constantly gifting us. The only question is: are they slipping through your fingers?
Often transgender clients offer great examples proving what we say here at The Transamorous Network. That happened again today (at the time of writing this).
The example perfectly shows how our stories create our reality. It also perfectly shows how our stories play out in our own behaviors, and the others’ behavior. Which makes every date we have an experience bearing gifts.
Seeing our stories play out in real time offers us tremendous benefits. Only by seeing them can we do something about them though. So it’s important to learn how to interpret our stories as they play out.
“Reality”, of course, includes our behaviors. So in addition to how we feel and what we think, another great way of discovering stories we have is by looking at how we behave. And how people behave toward us. Especially on dates.
By doing that, we can deliberately chart paths to all the love (or anything else) we want by telling better stories. This is the basis for why I work with transgender and trans-attracted clients. On the way to getting all they want, clients become empowered. They also become happier. This client is no exception.
Let’s take a look at the wonderful example she offered.
Creating her dating reality as she goes
She recently stopped online dating. I don’t encourage anyone to go that route, so I’m glad she stopped. Here’s why I don’t recommend dating online. But most clients coming to me are on that path. After a while though, they stop dating online. That’s because it’s just more fun meeting your perfect match through serendipity. Online dating sucks.
The client, I’ll call Sarah, now has several men she’s seeing. Most of them are casual. And a few of them involve actually going out on dates. That’s great because Sarah, who is trans, once told herself very strong stories about men not being willing to take her out. But because she’s changed her stories, men now take her out! Go figure!
One guy I’ll call Cleo, wants to take Sarah out. But he’s scared. He still resists his trans-attraction. So, he’ll text Sarah, telling her he wants to see her. Or text her about taking her out. Sarah likes getting these messages. But it irks her that he won’t follow up. She wants him to take her out. He won’t though.
I explained to Sarah that Cleo represents a stepping stone along the path to the relationship she ultimately wants and will have. I also said the more she focuses on positive aspects of what Cleo offers, the more she becomes a match to that relationship she ultimately wants.
Sarah’s working on this. Some days she’s better at it than others. But what happened in today’s session was instructive. First, let’s look at some context.
A relationship to beat all relationships
Sarah loves a man she really wants to be with. She and this guy, who I’ll call Paul, have talked on and off for years. It’s obvious Paul likes Sarah. But he too fears his trans-attraction. Yet he keeps coming back to Sarah. Sarah really wants to be with Paul. I assure her constantly she can be with Paul and will be. Once she becomes fully a match to him and vice versa.
But stories Sarah keeps active about relationships, about Paul and about herself keep her from becoming that match. I am working with Sarah to identify and soothe these stories.
One story she has is if she told Paul about her dating experiences, Paul will get angry at her and cut her off, even though Paul has consistently told Sarah she should date other people. I told Sarah she should share with Paul what she does with these other men. Not to manipulate Paul in any way, but, instead, to authentically express what she’s doing. Besides, it’s exactly what Paul encouraged. And, I assured Sarah, it’s something Paul would appreciate.
So Sarah really wants to be with Paul. Paul likes Sarah a lot and wants that too. But both keep telling stories that keep the two apart. And Sarah won’t communicate authentically with Paul because she’s afraid.
Ok, that’s the context. Now, back to Cleo. Keep in mind what you just read. See if you can put the pieces together about stories and how they created the reality you’re about to read before I explain it in the section after this next one.
Perfect manifestation played in real time
One day Cleo texted Sarah. He complained that a lot of older cis-women were coming on to him. He said he had lots of opportunity to “fuck” these women. But he didn’t know what he wanted to do. Sarah told him he should enjoy these women. He should have sex with them, she said, if he wants to and thinks he will enjoy it.
In other words, she was sharing what we talk about in The Transamorous Network dating approach. The more a person can enjoy life, the more life will yield to them more enjoyable experiences. That’s the general rule. I applauded Sarah for telling Cleo this. It’s spot-on guidance.
A couple days later, Cleo texted Sarah. He shared news that he did actually follow Sarah’s advice. He said he had a great time doing it. Remember, Sarah encouraged Cleo to have sex with these women.
Here’s what happened next, in Sarah’s own words:
“After he told me,” she said. “I got mad. Then I picked a big, giant fight with him. He got really angry with me. Then he stopped talking to me.”
Can you see what happened here? It’s a perfect manifestation of Sarah’s stories about Paul and her playing out in her relationship with Cleo!
The evidence: plain as day
Sarah is playing out her story about being authentic with Paul, with Cleo. Here Cleo is, doing what I suggest Sarah could do with Paul. Cleo is telling Sarah authentically what’s happening in his life with these other women. Notice how Sarah first responds to his authentic sharing. She’s empathetic. She offers really good advice: do what pleases you.
But then, when Cleo acts on Sarah’s advice, Sarah gets pissed. We could replace Cleo with Sarah in this example, and Sarah with Paul. Doing that, we can see how Sarah is creating a reality wherein her stories about Paul and her play out in real time. In perfect view for all to see.
See it?
If I tell Paul what I’m doing with these other men, he’ll get mad and stop talking with me. That’s Sarah’s story about her relationship with Paul. And that story has Sarah feeling fear. Meanwhile, when Cleo does what Sarah’s afraid to do with Paul, at first, Sarah is compassionate. She offers great advice. But when he follows it Sarah gets mad and picks a fight – exactly what she’s afraid Paul will do if she shares authentically what she’s up to, which is what Sarah got mad at Cleo for doing. After all, Sarah is doing what Paul suggested: see other guys. But she’s afraid to share that with him.
First, Sarah is interested and compassionate. This tells her that Paul would be interested and compassionate should she communicate authentically to him. But her fear dominates her behavior as a manifestation. So she gets mad at Cleo after first being interested and compassionate. Then Cleo does what Sarah is afraid Paul will do: stops talking to her.
Power and leverage unveiled
The evidence here is as plain as day. But it’s complicated and hard to see if we don’t know to interpret our reality.
This is the kind of thing we uncover in Transamorous Network sessions. It’s the gold in daily life which reveals to us everything we want to know. Everything that will get us all the love we want. Or all the money we want. Or whatever else we want. Definitely all the happiness we can handle. And then some.
As we can see, physical reality is very sophisticated. The uninitiated have a hard time figuring all this out. That’s because we have a literal constellation of stories creating our ongoing, unfolding reality. A reality that includes behaviors of others. Others we create as specific versions for ourselves. Those versions reflect our stories back to us so we can do something about them. Our own behaviors do the same thing. But we’re often blind to this.
All of this gives us clues about our inner-understanding. Our inner world constantly projects outward. It creates our realities all day, every day. Which is why Transamorous Network sessions offer so much value. Through the sessions, clients learn how to read the clues.
Just because we can’t see all this doesn’t mean it’s not happening. It is happening. And when a person starts seeing life through this lens, they come into incredible power and leverage. Power and leverage allowing one to deliberately create any reality they want. Including one in which a transgender woman, or a trans-attracted man can enjoy anything they want. That perfect lover included.
Yes, I have a girlfriend now. She happens to be trans. This is relatively new. And it’s consistent with everything I tell my clients. My life is a great example of how our stories about life create great love lives.
I call her “Muriel”. I’m honoring her privacy, so I’m not sharing her personal details. Which is interesting because just this week, I shared with Muriel my previous post introducing our situation to my readers. After reading the draft, Muriel, suggested maybe she had a photo of her I could include. One that wouldn’t reveal too much about her.
I thought that cute. My interpretation was she was as open to sharing our shared experience as I was. She is an avid Transamorous Network reader after all.
She sent me a couple pictures. Both were “rated PG” and flattering in my opinion. But I thought they’d not protect her privacy. Now, Muriel and I are a great match. So it wasn’t a surprise that I had already selected the exact same photos of her, photos she sent me weeks ago, to post. But then I decided not to. Back then too, I thought them too revealing. We laughed at that, then agreed not to include a photo at all.
That exchange shows how great how much of a match we are. Which, again, is what I tell my clients, both trans and trans-attracted. What I offer at The Transamorous Network is 100 percent effective. It always results in perfect matches. No dating site required. No bullshit. Just getting what you want.
It’s also no wonder then that Muriel called me “babe” for the first time this week. Now, I’m not gushing or “in love” or any of that common stuff people get into when first starting a relationship. I’m totally clear what’s going on. Especially what’s happening within me. So I’m getting what I want. And reveling in the fun Muriel and I enjoy.
I described what’s happening with Muriel and me to a transgender client this week. This client is enjoying similar results in her life. She marveled about how transparent and communicative we are around sensitive relationship topics. Topics such as sex, men bottoming, bottom surgery, and what we like and don’t like. It’s true, Muriel and I have had exemplary conversations on subjects many trans-attracted men and trans women end up bitterly fighting about or break up over.
But for Muriel and I, they’re no big deal. Just more opportunity for deepening the connection we share.
I’m eager to see where this goes. But I’m really enjoying where we are. And I’m reveling in our deepening intimacy. Just like I tell my clients to do.
Which is why I’m also celebrating her calling me babe by writing this post.
