I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.
But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want. I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.
This is the basis of our work at The Transamorous Network. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to having a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.
What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.
I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it’s always worked out that way. I also know this because my Transamorous Network clients get exactly the same results. It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients. I share these experiences in my other blog, Positively Focused.
So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.
It’s a paradox but it’s true.
I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing transgender people and trans-attracted people who have come to me seeking relief from their self-loathing, insecurities and shame, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.
I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desire. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.
Editor’s note: The holidays suck for many trans people, especially those estranged from families. We’re sharing this Positively Focused holiday post because it can inspire those struggling during the holidays to transform old stories into new ones and create whole new relationships with the holidays.
The holidays used to suck. My emotional pain so grated on me that I forswore holiday celebrations of all kinds once on my own.
Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.
I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.
I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.
How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.
My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.
Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.
My potato au gratin
Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.
Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.
That’s not what happened, at first
I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.
Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.
For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?
My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂
It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.
That’s not her purpose though
Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.
Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.
Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.
Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.
Our turkey cooking its patutti off. LOL
Here’s what that looks like
I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.
Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!
My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!
Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:
Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!
Such a wonderful gift.
Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.
For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.
Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.
Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.
Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.
Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.
Creating awesome from ordinary
The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.
What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:
Wow, I feel much better.
This is so much better than how I felt before.
Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.
Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:
This meal is going to be really good!
The au gratin smells delicious!
So do the roasted veggies!
The stuffing is going to be good too!
Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:
Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!
Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…
That’s so cool what just happened.
I shifted my reality!
And my apparitions shifted too.
What I’m discovering is so accurate.
I love my Inner Being relationship!
I felt waaaay better by now.
In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.
I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.
I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.
What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.
At The Transamorous Network we talk about stories – beliefs a person holds – creating reality. Today I’ll share what happened recently that shows how stories work. Once a person learns how to tell positive stories, that person discovers they are blessed by Universe, because Universe fulfills all stories, whether wanted or not.
I wrote an essay for a LGBTQ anthology coming out later this year. My editor asked for a better headline. The original didn’t pop, she said.
Knowing what I know, I first created a story where the perfect headline would come to me. Old habits are just that though, so moments later, I was scribbling several ideas on my note app, trying to coax a good idea for a headline. I was doing life the old way instead of using the power of stories.
Essay Titles I created while putting effort into it, instead of using the power of stories.
Trying to make something happen is the hard way. And it felt hard. So I wrote back to my editor. I told her I’d get back to her. Take some time, She wrote back.
Days later, I created a new story wherein I received what I asked for: a wonderful headline, one my editor would love. One that would pop.
A couple days after that, I re-read my essay. It’s so good. It’s a true story about an adventure a Transamorous Network client and I experienced. My client is a transgender woman. The essay describes how she created stories that allowed her to get several amazing things she wanted in her life.
While reading my essay “Life IS Joy” popped out. I sent that to my editor, even though I didn’t like it all that much.
My feeble attempt.
That “not liking it all that much” was a clue…a clue I missed.
My editor didn’t like it either, which figured. Her dislike reflected my own. Reality will show you what your stories are, often through other people’s behavior.
My editor suggested something catchier, something with a play on words:
Not so good response…
Nothing came up when I focused, so I just let go. I figured Universe would bring me a perfect headline.
That’s what happened…
Last night I watched a favorite James Bond movie for the umpteenth time. A Quantum of Solace it’s called. I enjoyed watching it. I enjoy luxuries Bond enjoys surrounding himself in. People in the movie are pleasant to watch too.
Then I went to bed, blissful in positive focus.
The next morning (the day I’m writing this), the phrase “A Universal Solace” came to mind. My immediate reaction was: hey that’s kinda good. Then I poo-pooed it as too obvious a play on “Quantum of Solace”.
But then I thought “wait a minute! This is what I asked for!”
Tentatively, I looked up the word “Solace”. It perfectly fit what happens in the essay. The main character discovers comfort and love through telling stories which create several realities she wants.
So “A Universal Solace” came into my reality exactly as my stories foretold: easily, with no effort!
I sent the new headline to my editor. Here’s what she said.
Booyaaah!
To recap: I wanted a great headline and knew I’d get one relying on stories I created. But then old habits asserted themselves. I tried doing it on my own. I noticed how hard it was trying to do that, then trusted my feelings instead. I trusted my stories would create the reality I wanted, and that’s exactly what happened.
What happened next: even better
Weeks ago I got an impulse that my essay could become a full-length book and/or a movie. I wanted to send my editor a note about that, but held off.
After getting her email above, I sent her two more emails, one replying to her acknowledging the new headline:
and another offering to work together on more projects:
Here’s what she wrote back:
Universe stands ready to do the work for you.
I marvel at this because I love writing. I always have. I love telling stories through various ways; through illustrations, film/video, through speeches and presentations and of course through words.
My life as a story is worthy of being told. And here is my editor urging me in this direction, just as an angel of the Universe would.
This path unfolding before me, filled with so much of what I’m wanting, feels ecstatic. All of it is unfolding aligned with talents and passions I already have, not something I learned in school, but something inherently me.
It’s all coming from my inner knowing, tied to my authentic self. I tell my clients their authenticity is from where their prosperity and joy emerges. My life offers living proof, not only for me, but for my clients too. Universe loves me.
“This stuff makes no sense,” A transgender client said. “It totally illogical. How do you know this stuff works?”
This client’s frustrated outburst is part of the path. In only six weeks their relationship transformed, they’re feeling more comfortable in their skin, feeling happier and more excited about life. They’re now pursuing dreams of becoming a well-paid musician by taking practical steps in that direction. Their life: better, their mood: more positive, their experience of life experience: more fun.
Why did such a question come up despite all this evidence?
In a word: momentum.
For a while it is a roller coaster
When clients first start working with The Transamorous Network, they get excited. They see evidence of their life getting better everywhere. The more they alter their stories and perspectives, the more evidence they see.
At some point though, old stories reassert themselves. These old stories are living things, like everything else. They enjoy life energy they get when a person focuses their way. When a person stops focusing on old stories, they sort of push back. They don’t want to lose attention they once got.
When they push back, clients feel the negative emotion that comes with that. Momentum ensues and, before you know it, they forget evidence they created that excited them just days ago.
This is normal. It’s also why it helps having someone who’s walked the path and knows what to expect. That’s where I come in.
How do I know all this stuff works?
I know this stuff works because it’s working in my life. I know it works because my desires are coming true all around me. I know this stuff works because I feel excited about this work, I feel excited about life, about living, about trans women dipping in and out of my life. I’m excited because life feels so freaking great…and that’s because of this work.
In their frustration, this client couldn’t understand how I have insight to All That Is. They couldn’t understand how I speak so confidently about how the Universe works, how it’s designed by us to deliver all we want, and that life is supposed to be a positive adventure. They couldn’t understand how I could know something “limited human consciousness can’t possibly know.”
I told him the reason they can’t understand it is because they’re not yet where I am. I told them human consciousness is only limited when the human believes their consciousness is limited. The reason why I speak with such confidence, I told them, is because I’ve changed my stories, and my reality broadened to include awareness of the nonphysical world.
I have a third degree black belt in nine different martial arts. It took me about five years to get to that level. I once trained others in these schools. When I did, I spoke with the same clarity and confidence about that material as I do about “stories create your reality and here’s how.”
My “Menkyo” certifying my 3 black belts in 9 martial arts schools.
In the martial arts field, what separates my opinion from an opinion of a white belt, someone who is just starting or someone who has now experience at all? Experience, practice, knowledge and wisdom that comes from five years of personal experience with the material, with guidance from a 15 degree blackbelt who’s been training in this material over 35 years.
The same is true with this work. While others focus their attention on perhaps finding love, raising families, building careers, wealth and material satisfaction, I’ve focused my attention on epistemology and ontology using empirical methods applied across a wide variety of “spiritual” fields. I’ve been doing this at least since I was six.
Walking the path makes me an expert
So I am clear. I speak with confidence and clarity in this field in the same way I do in martial arts: I know because I’ve walked this path so long, I just know it.
The cool thing is, anyone can do what I do. With diligence and focus, anyone can have a life they love filled with everything they want and then show others how to get that. It doesn’t matter if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. Life is meant to be lived happily. Do that and you’ll have a happy life. The question is, how do you “do that”?
That’s what I know and what I show my clients.
By the end of our time together, this client was back in their usual happy space born from doing the work for 12 weeks. They thanked me as my clients usually do: by telling me they love me.
I understand who and what people are. I relate to them from there. When I do, they feel that. When they feel that, they can’t help but express love for me. I’m loving them after all.
Frustration: that’s part of the path at first. Because I know this, I don’t let doubts about my credibility shake my confidence. I do the work, which is why I know what I know. And that’s why I can help people create lives they love.
This is one of our 1:1 clients. He is in early stages of his transgender transformation (He prefers he/him pronouns for now).
Like all of our clients he is getting immediate results in creating the relationship he wants. This is why we guarantee our results.
Our client is in a relationship with his son’s mother. Their relationship had been very rocky because our client was telling rocky stories about himself, about her and about his relationship. In three sessions, after cleaning up some of his unhelpful stories, his son’s mother started acting different.
In this clip, you can hear how he is settling into the fact that stories not only create one’s reality, they create people in reality too. Our client is now on his way to his dreams. He’s excited about the path and finds the work exhilarating, even while recognizing the work, in his words, can be a “blessing and a curse.”
We would say the work puts our clients where they belong: at the center of the Universe, ongoingly creating the Universe that surrounds them. From there it does seem like a blessing…when they’re creating their Universe on purpose.
When they don’t create on purpose, as our client says here, it becomes curse. The more our clients discover the joy of living through stories about what they want, living lives through stories they don’t want feels awful. But that’s good too. How else are our clients supposed to know when they’re creating on purpose, or creating through obliviousness?
Become a The Transamorous Network client and watch how not only your love life improves, but so does everything else in your Universe. Click this link to find out more
