Category: Emotions

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Your Happiness: The Fastest Way To A Life You Love

happiness is the goal

Your life is supposed to be an ongoing series of happy experiences that get better and better. Then you return to where you came, reveling in the joyful adventure you had on earth. Transgender or trans-attracted, this is supposed to be your life experience.

That includes all the lovers you might want.

We call it living “happily ever after.” That’s why you’re here.

A lot of people would probably say being transgender or transamorous means you’ll be or must be unhappy. Feeling bitter, frustrated, angry, scared, annoyed, jealous, or insecure seems to come with the territory.

But there is no circumstance in which you can’t be happy. You only have to learn how it’s done.

In happiness you get all you want. Including love and security. No matter how many transgender women get murdered. No matter how many work in the sex industry. Those numbers don’t condemn you to an unhappy life.

The only thing keeping you from being happy and having all you want is literally “doing” life wrong. With practice and patience you can not only have the life you want, you also can be an example for others.

GOTTA BE HAPPY BLOG

How to be happy

Happiness is not the result of doing. It results from being.

In other words, it’s a “being state”.

You become happy by being happy.

“That sounds like a circular argument, Perry. What do you mean?”

Let’s clear up some misconceptions.

Pursing happiness through material consumption or acts, including sex, is bound to disappoint. That’s because feelings you get from buying things, or from your action aren’t meant to be permanent. They’re meant to make you want more.

Which they do.

That’s why the good-feeling from buying a new pair of shoes, for example, goes away after you’ve worn them a while.

It’s why when you have a casual sexual experience, after the orgasm, you tend to feel hollow.

happiness quote

When you figure out how to be happy as a being state, not through doing things, then actions you take from that being state are the way you express your happiness, not how you achieve happiness. They are also more powerful regarding getting what you want, including a lover.

In other words, your doing is an expression of your happy state, not a means to being happy. How do you find happiness? By first understanding what happiness is.

Happiness is an emotion. Yeah, you know that. But, what is the role of an emotion? Have you thought about that? In all the conversations we have about this, no one (so far) has thought thoroughly about what emotions are for.

They just accept their existence.

Emotions serve a purpose. Figure that out and you understand why being happy is important. Then, when you’re not happy, you know why.

Next, learn how to make happiness happen. Then and only then can you become happy when you’re not happy. It’s not true that you are not happy because of what you’re experiencing. You’re not happy because you’re not trying to be happy.

If you know how to make happiness happen, then when you’re not happy you can become happy. You only have to know how. Then practice. Once you’ve practiced, becoming happy at any time is easy.

Stay happy long enough and you’ll create “happiness momentum”. Happiness momentum is when happiness becomes your steady state. It takes a while to get there, but when you’re there, it’s easy to keep it going. This is crucial for living happily ever after.

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Happiness momentum begins with you being happy for no other reason other than because you say so.

Here’s why.

Once you have created your own happiness momentum, then you’ve got it all. Because a consistent, happy state is the open door through which all you want easily comes.

There are other things you must to know. For one, you must learn to see signs telling you your practice is working.

What do we mean by that?

how you create reality blog
It’s simple science!

The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a series of accretion events. They look like random compositions of people, circumstances and objects coming together in a certain timing.

These accretion events show up through a process guided by something. It’s not random.

What seem like random events actually are planned events. Who is planning them? You are. How? Two ways that work together. One is what you pay attention to, the other is how you feel when you pay attention.

Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. That organizes accretion events to match your happiness. These become your life experience. Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. That organizes accretion events to match your negative feelings. These become your life experience.

So, you decide what events, people, elements and circumstances become your experience. And you know which ones are coming by how you feel.

It’s that simple.

Nearly everyone on the planet forgot this is how life works. And that’s why people try to “make” happiness happen through doing: buying things, going on trips, being with others, having sex etc.

The pursuit of happiness doesn’t work because the pursuer forgot she carries her happiness with her. Happiness is not found in the physical world. That’s not what the physical world is for.

We know this seems preposterous pseudoscience. But a little test on your part can prove that it works 100% of the time. Like many things requiring mastery, you need someone to remind you how to see the signs of it working.

Make your life purpose happiness and you will live happily every after. Including finding all the love you could possibly want.

We guarantee it. We also can show you how it’s done.

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Feeling Good: The Best Way To Find Love

Alex Iby its not hard FB blog
Photo: Alex Iby

Make a habit of feeling good. It’s a sure way to find love. Especially if you’re transgender, or transamorous.

Feeling good eliminates drama too. It also makes improving your life easy.

Finding trouble finding love? Finding it difficult to accept your transamory? Or maybe you’ve accepted it privately. Now you want to “go public”. But something is stopping you.

Feeling good can help with all that. And a lot more.

We are all meant to be happy.

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Feeling good is happiness. Happiness includes prosperity and freedom, including financial freedom, time freedom and freedom of an easy love relationship. Everything you think as necessary to being happy, you can have.

You don’t have to deprive yourself. Or compromise. Especially in relationship.

You’re meant to be continually happy. If you’re not doing that, you’re making life harder than it needs to be.

It’s funny how we sometimes say “If I have that guy or girl I’m looking for as a partner I’ll be happy.” Or “He makes me happy.” Relationships don’t make a person happy.

Having that perfect partner in your life doesn’t make you happy. That relationship, no matter how wonderful, comes with button pushing, unmet expectations, and lots of growth opportunities.

Can you be happy in a relationship? Yes.

But not because of the relationship. You’re happy because you’re happy.

Happiness doesn’t come from having that new job, or that car or house you want, or that money you’re wanting either.

When you satisfy a want, you feel the satisfaction, sure. But notice: over time, that satisfaction fades as new wants come up and old satisfied ones get…well…old. 🙄

Relationships are like satisfied wants. They are meant to be fulfilled. And, just like you have satisfied wants, you’re supposed to have satisfying relationships.

GOTTA BE HAPPY BLOG
If it seems like “no duh”, then why are so many not happy?

It takes a while to get to lasting happiness. Not because it’s hard – it’s easy.

It takes a while though because you have to slow your old way of living’s influence. Thinking life is hard, that you must work hard, that relationships are hard, that “you don’t always get what you want”, that men are all X and women are all Y, these kinds of thoughts act against your happiness. You have to replace those stories with new ones. Then you have to make them as automatic as the stories you now tell yourself.

Once that happens….oh my.

So the trip is worth it.

So here’s how to start the journey to feeling good:

Step one: Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Write down how much you appreciate. Try expressing appreciation for things you take for granted, such as the device you’re reading this on, the shoes on your feet, soap, toothpaste. Start with simple things.

Step two: Pay attention to what you’re feeling. Your feelings tell you what kind of story you’re telling. Develop a habit of checking in with yourself throughout the day. We can help you develop these powerful habits. We’re really good at it.

Step three: Stop listening to the news. We know this is difficult for some people. But the more you listen to the news, particularly negative news about the transgender community, the more unhelpful stories you create and the more you reinforce your old stories. It’s hard being happy and listen to the news.

Besides, very little – actually almost nothing – in the news pertains to you.

Step four. Get out more. Take more walks. While you’re out there, practice step one above and notice things in the world you take for granted. Getting out in nature has huge mood enhancing benefits.

Step five. At the end of each day, acknowledge all the good that happened, including your success in doing these five steps.

Practice these five steps daily. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself well on the way to unshakeable happiness and freedom. Then, and only then you’ll get all you’re wanting. Including that relationship. And you’ll get it all with little effort. We guarantee it.

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Complicit in your own self-self-mutilization?

 

bimo mentara patriarchy.jpg

Bell hooks (born Gloria Jean Watkins) is an African-American author, feminist, and social activist. Her writing has focused on the interconnectivity of race, class, and gender and their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and domination.

In a recent interview on The Transamorous Network Podcast, due out soon, we talked about the power of the patriarchy, its viciousness and its vile effect….

Not on women.

On men.

What does this have to do with trans attraction?

A lot. The shame you feel being trans-attracted rests deep in the vileness of the patriarchy. Like the quote says: patriarchy’s first violent act is within men.

Something to think about. Some questions to help you:

  • Why do you keep thinking you’re gay because you find trans women attractive?
  • Why are you asserting your straightness in online dating ads and other communiques about your interest in trans women?
  • What are you afraid of in owning your trans-attraction?
  • What do you have to lose if you do own your attraction to these beautiful people?
  • Is what you have to lose really so valuable that you are willing to tolerate being less than, expressing less than all you are?

All of this is definitely worth thinking about. Contact us if you need someone to talk with about this.

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When empathy is not your friend

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Empathy doesn’t serve you. Or your friend. (Photo by Sydney Sims)

Empathy is never your friend. Not if you’re wanting to have your dream life, including a loving relationship with your dream partner.

Society heralds being empathetic as something positive. Empathy, we are told, is the ability to feel and understand the feelings of another. Sounds harmless enough. It may even be beneficial to our friends and loved ones to be empathetic. Especially when they’re feeling sad.

But is it really?

When you’re feeling what another is feeling, you’re giving control of your life to another person. If that person is feeling negative, now both of you are inviting more experiences of the kind that had your friend feel negative emotion in the first place. That’s not helpful. For either of you.

Why?

Because all that you want, including another person feeling better, is only available to you when you are in a happy place, appreciating all that life is giving you and enjoying the process of your own becoming. When you focus on another person’s negative condition, and because of that, you match their negative feeling experience, you are closing yourself off from your ability to receive what you’re wanting. That’s why you feel bad when you do that.

Your friend feels better, yes. That’s because he or she has cut herself off from his or her power by focusing on the negative aspects of a situation. So when you join them in that perspective, of course they’re going to feel better. You’re the only friend they have at that moment. They’re using you to fill the void they created by cutting themselves off from their higher self. So now you both are cut off and the only company you have is each other, both of whom are powerless.

It’s far better to relate to your friend from your only place of power: your connection with yourself. You know you’re connected with yourself when you feel good. Period. When you hold your own happiness firmly in the face of your friend who is struggling, you have a better chance of lifting them to where you are. And feeling happy is always better-feeling than any negative emotion.

If you want to have empathy, then empathize with your friends positive perspectives, even if they’re absent right now. Remind them how great they are, how great life is, how this immediate situation that has them feeling negative is temporary. This is the best medicine. For everyone.

 

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2018: No better time to feel happy

Feeling happy feels good - photo Lesly Juarez
(Photo credit: Lesly Juarez)

There’s nothing better than feeling happy. Feeling happy is the start of all you want. It’s also the end of all you want: All you do you, do because you think you’ll feel better doing it. “Feel better” means getting closer and closer to feeling happy. So why not take the shortcut?

I recently conversed with a transamorous man who recently met a transwoman. He loves transwomen (obviously) but, while he is open to transwomen about his attraction, he’s not yet out to others. In other words, he’s not living an authentic, out-loud life.

I recently also had a conversation with a married transgender woman, a beautiful person from the EU. She just recently married and, to my surprise, the family of her husband (a cis man) doesn’t know she is transgender.

Now, I’ve spoken to so many transamorous men who are living their lives out loud, I am absolutely convinced there is power, joy and freedom in living transamorously, out loud. Gone is the fear. Gone is the stress. Got is the hiding. Gone is the drama.

And you know, what you fear being discovered is actually already known by others. They may not know the specifics. But they know. You think you’re hiding your attraction, but others pick up on your insecurity. Not only that, the women you find yourself attracted to also pick on it.

Sadly enough, when you’re living in the closet about your trans attraction, insecure about what others might think or say about you, you bring into your life perfect-match transwomen: transwomen who, like you, are equally as insecure. I guess that’s not so sad because you create your reality. Meaning, you can bring into your life dream-trans-women. But to do that, you first have to come to terms with yourself.

So if only for the reason of meeting better matches, it behooves you to learn to accept who and what you are and live your life out loud. It’s 2018 for goodness sakes! The world is in upheaval in the face of the transgender movement. Now is the perfect time to declare who you are.

And let the chips fall where they may.