Dating - The Transamorous Network

November 7, 2023September 25, 2023

Transgender Self Acceptance: A Beautiful, Powerful Thing

I have a client on the Positively Focused side of what I do. She’s cisgender and has fallen for a man she manifested. But the man waffles a lot over his commitment to her. Rather than seeing this guy as not worth her time, because he does not meet her minimum requirements, she’s clinging to this man.

Because she believes this man is the only man out there for her, she believes she MUST have this man. As a result of her scarcity consciousness — about men and relationships — she suffers as the guy keeps breaking up with her, then he apologizes and comes back to her.

On my bike ride this morning I couldn’t help contrasting her experience with my own. As I’ve written in earlier posts, I now have a girlfriend. What’s remarkable, among many things, about Muriel, is her radical self acceptance. She knows herself. She recognizes those things about herself she wants to improve. And most importantly, one of those is not trying to pass as a cisgender woman.

I love that about her. Her radical acceptance of her status as a transgender woman resonates powerfully with me. That’s because I know the best happiness lies in self acceptance. Accepting fully who we are is the key to getting everything we want.

Loving who we are as we are

Self acceptance is a struggle for many transgender women. Muriel say this is because transgender women try to be something they’re not. I agree. They compare themselves to cisgender women. Then use that comparison as the yardstick for their “passability”.

Hopefully, dear reader, you can see the built-in struggle of that approach. Many transgender women compare themselves against something they’ll never be. And, in that comparison, they cannot accept a man who wants them for who they ACTUALLY are. So it’s no surprise such women struggle with finding love in relationship. It’s also no wonder they revile trans-attracted men.

They don’t fully love themselves as they are. So when someone expresses love for them as they are, they reject that person. As they reject themselves. Thankfully, Muriel is not that way. She loves (most) of who and what she is. So she can accept my affection. Indeed, my affection apparently amplifies her own self-appreciation. And I enjoy doing that for her. I reflecting back to her the love she has for herself.

Joy and freedom are at the heart of self acceptance. The more one pushes toward greater acceptance of all that one is, the more love and joy one will experience. First in themselves. Then in the world around them. In time the world will reflect back to them that inner state of joy. And when that happens, everything the person wants must show up in their life experience. Including lovers.

This is true for transgender women and trans-attracted men. It applies to everyone actually.

Loving ourselves is the best thing we can do to get all we want. Especially in love. (Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash)

Our perfect match is looking for us

Which again, is why Muriel and I have found one another. It’s no surprise that Muriel and I find the relationship we are experiencing satisfying. The limits it includes are perfectly matched to our life situations. Hers, being in an open marriage. Mine, being focused on my spiritual path. These two aspects of our lives are perfectly accommodated in what we share.

I want my Positively Focused client to find her full self acceptance. Doing so, she’ll find no need to pine after men. When it does, men like the one she’s pursuing won’t show up. Instead, she’ll rendezvous with men who are equally matched to her self acceptance. This already is happening. She’s getting better at seeing this.

Confidence, joy, freedom, security. All these are available to those who fully accept themselves. It doesn’t matter whether one is trans or cis. We’re all human after all. And we all have multiple perfect matches looking for us. Not just one. I love helping trans women and trans-attracted men find those kinds of matches.

Accepting oneself fully is not an easy matter though. Especially when so much of society conditions us out of self acceptance. That’s why someone like me can help those wanting joy, satisfaction and love.

If you’re one of those people wanting more joy, satisfaction and love, contact me. Results are guaranteed. Whatever you want you can have. But you first must become a match to it.

October 24, 2023September 8, 2023

Never Give Up Your Dream For The Perfect Love

I once had a female housemate named Debbie. She left her “real job” for a calling. Instead of that “real job”, she wanted to become a life coach. This was back in the day when “life coaching” was the thing.

Months went by and Debbie wasn’t making much progress. One day, I happened to see her in the house. In that moment, I knew Debbie had lost her dream.

The look on her face said everything. The dread on her face and tears in her eyes spoke volumes. Debbie probably feared what she thought would happen next if she ran out of money. I remember giving her a long embrace. I told her it would be ok.

Debbie eventually moved out. She relocated to another state, got a job and, today, as far as I can tell, is happy. She married. Got a dog. She’s gotten back into dance, something she loves. As far as I know, life is good for Debbie.

Too good to be true?

As I pursue my calling, I know how Debbie felt. Yet I persist. Why? Because I know something Debbie didn’t. I also had extraordinary experiences that convinced me I could succeed. Debbie likely did not. Finally, enough evidence has show up along the way to convince me I’m progressing.

For Transgender women and trans-attracted men, the calling often pursued is finding that one person who clicks all our boxes. Someone who will love us. Someone who we’re compatible with. A person we can love. Someone we find attractive.

But many of us think such a person is too good to be true. Like Debbie, transgender women and trans-attracted men actively looking for love don’t believe what they want is possible. So we give up. Or we compromise on our dream.

Transgender women will settle for other women. They don’t believe a guy will love them. Trans-attracted men will spend all their money on escorts. They don’t believe they can find a beautiful transgender woman who won’t reject them. We compromise on our dreams because the idea of never finding love feels worse than the compromise.

Of course, there are lots of transgender women happy living and loving other women. And there are some trans-attracted men who settle for cis-gender women and live happily. Debbie found happiness too.

But we have dreams for good reasons. Still, giving up on them seems rational. Especially when the dream itself seems so irrational. Or scary.

But all dreams feel that way at first. Especially big ones. For many, finding love feels like a big one.

Living the dream

Plenty of examples show how worth it pursuing a dream can be. Hell, the very act of transitioning was once a dream for many transgender women. Now, for most transgender women, it’s just a known and accepted process. We could even say that process is now pedestrian. So many folks transition these days it’s not a big deal anymore.

This can be the case with ANY dream. Including the dream of finding and living a life with a satisfying lover. But old beliefs, will resist anyone who dares to follow such a dream. Which is why dreams feel scary or impossible. It’s not that they are scary or impossible. It’s because we think they are. And those thoughts conjure negative feelings we call “fear”, “scary” and “disbelief”.

Think about it though. Anyone who has actually pursued a dream realizes something remarkable. In pursuing, fear goes away. Done right fear gets replaced by adventure, interest and passion. Then, in perfect timing, when the dream is realized, the path to that dream feels sweet.

Then others see what we’ve done. Our example inspires others. Then the world changes. That’s the power of a dream! It’s world-changing.

Living the dream then, isn’t about getting to the goal of that lover or whatever. It’s the journey to that lover. That journey is the adventure that makes arrival so satisfying. Which means living the dream is worth every step along that path. And along the journey we inspire others.

*We can all live our dreams. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people. In doing so we change the world. (Photo by* *Gaelle Marcel* on *Unsplash*)

Is it worth it?

My experience proves what you’re reading. There have been moments of fear along my journey. But I know what “fear” means. Yes, there’s that “False Evidence Appearing Real” thing. But fear also is a beneficial emotion, like all emotions. Understanding what fear or disbelief tells us makes those emotions comply with our dream. And when that happens in us, it’s much easier to see the path before us. It’s much easier to see the end goal as a reality too.

That’s how my transgender and trans-attracted clients find their lovers. I show them how to turn their fear and disbelief into empowerment and expectation. Then I show them how to see evidence of progress toward their lovers. The more evidence they see, the more expectation and empowerment grows in them.

Before long, they arrive, happy and in love.

Anything a transgender person or a trans-attracted guy wants, they can have. Such people choose being born as trans or trans-attracted for powerful reasons. One: their lives inspire others. Two: Their example changes the world.

I will even go farther. Transgender women and trans-attracted guys have a special relationship to their dreams. A relationship that makes their dreams that much more possible. Their dreams are meant to be fulfilled, in other words.

Getting what we want, especially love, can be scary. Especially when we don’t believe it’s possible. I don’t want to help you believe it’s possible. I want you to KNOW it is. Because it is. Don’t be scared. Live your dream. Have the love you want. I’ll show you how. Contact me.

September 12, 2023September 20, 2023

I Love Men Who Are Happy Bottoms

More trans-attracted men are coming out loving being bottoms. That’s a really great thing. Self-acceptance is everything. But it’s even greater when those men find their sexual-preference matches in transgender women.

Trans-attraction and transamory is normal, wholesome and good. It doesn’t matter that some transgender women don’t like the idea of a man “bottoming”. There are plenty of transgender women out there, guys, who will take pleasure in giving you pleasure through your ass.

Those men who know what I’m talking about don’t struggle finding their match. They’re out and proud about their desire. They accept it. And they accept themselves. So they end up with matches who accept them too. Which is something we say all day long at the The Transamorous Network. Accept yourself and you’ll more easily find your match.

This applies to both trans-attracted men AND transgender women.

Other people’s opinion: irrelevant

Lack of self-acceptance among transgender women AND trans-attracted men is rampant. For transgender women, lack of self acceptance can be really subtle. So subtle, the women won’t realize it. Much of a transgender women’s rejection of trans-attracted men stems from self rejection.

Meanwhile, many trans-attracted men feel the same about themselves. Which is why such men meet trans women who strongly reject them. Strongly rejecting trans-attracted men is a glaring indication that the woman rejects herself. And meeting such a woman tells you, men, that you have self-acceptance issues too.

Self acceptance escapes us the minute we care about what others think about us. It’s hard not caring when “others” include parents. Or close friends. Particularly those we believe will disown us. Still, cultivating an “I don’t care” attitude about others’ opinions is crucial to building self acceptance. That and telling stories about ourselves which foster self acceptance. This is something I show my clients how to do.

Is it any wonder they find immediate and long-lasting relief from feeling shitty about themselves? But they also find more than that. As they focus on learning to accept themselves, their dating results improve too. So they become even happier.

And as their happiness increases, they gradually find they’re all right. It’s a virtuous spiral. They feel good about themselves. Then the better they feel, the more accepting they become. The more accepting they get, the easier they find love. Then, before they know it, they find their perfect match. And along the way, they enjoy the process.

Meeting happy bottoms

I love it when from time-to-time I’ll get a comment from a guy proclaiming how much he enjoys bottoming. He’ll also rave about his partner, a trans woman who fully accepts him. Take this comment, for example:

You can see though that he still considers other people’s opinion. That’s what causes his “demoralized” feelings. But the fact that he’s got a loving trans woman who treats him like a king tells me something important about him. He tells more stories about accepting self more than he has stories about what other people think. I know this because he’s in a loving relationship.

The same can happen for any man or transgender woman out there looking for love and not finding it. All it takes is being willing. Being willing to examine one’s stories and do something about it. In time, the world around us MUST match our improved stories.

We can do this ourselves. But sometimes it’s nice to have guidance. Digging around in our stories can be tough. It’s hard to know sometimes what stories we’re telling. In such cases, someone like me helps a lot.

Not happy with who you are? Not finding the love you know you deserve? Perhaps I can help. Contact me. My results are guaranteed!

August 1, 2023June 18, 2023

Most Trans-Attracted Men Don’t Know What They’re Doing. Forgive Them.

If you’ve read posts here before, you get a sense of our perspective. Humans create everything in our experience. Including other people. But nearly all of us are doing that unaware that’s what we’re doing. So we blame the world around us, and other people, for our troubles. All the while not realizing when we do that, we create more trouble for ourselves.

Tremendous amounts of power lie hidden in that very true synopsis of our perspective.

Trans-attracted men (and transgender women) are no exception to this. Most of us think the world around us some objective thing. It’s separate from us, not springing out of us as a reflection of our inner state. So it’s not a wonder trans-attracted men will react to inner awareness with fear. Their basis for self understanding is external, as it is for most of us. It doesn’t matter that that basis is flawed, which it is. When they notice something about themselves, they will consult the world around them for what’s true.

Transgender women do this too.

Unfortunately, the world around them will tell them they are the problem. Then, trying to fit in, they’ll hide this new awareness, or try changing it. Social ostracism, for the uninitiated trans-attracted guy, is a terrible thing. Familial ostracism is even worse. Ostracism from one’s manliness is an even more fearsome thing. No wonder such men struggle accepting what they are. Just like many transgender women.

It’s meant this way

But the world IS a reflection. And like all reflections, it’s an illusion. The paradox of this world though, is, if you walk onto a freeway, cars zooming toward you will kill you. So we must all contend with the powerful “reality” we put ourselves in that feels so real…when it’s, at the same time, not at all real.

After all, if we knew it wasn’t real coming in, the benefit of life would not be ours, would it? So we hypnotize ourselves into this “kill you” part of the paradox.

Meanwhile, the reflection serves us all. It aids in our becoming better versions of ourselves. “Better versions” look like increasingly pure expressions of divine intelligence. More direct expressions of All That Is, in other words.

“Trans” and “trans attraction” represent this purer, more direct expression. What do you think Divine Intelligence, or All That Is, looks like anyway? A grey-bearded white guy?

NO!

All That Is is “TRANS gender”. It comprises both genders while simultaneously rising above them all. It is more than the sum of its (infinite parts).

And so are we.

Physical reality is an illusion…that can kill you. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

Back to the guys

Trans-attracted men are identical to transgender women when viewed from this perspective. They are on similar paths. You could say they are on different aspects of the same path. No one’s murdering these guys, sure. But again, it’s not the SAME path! It’s a DIFFERENT ASPECT of the same path. We could even call it a COMPLEMENTARY aspect.

In other words, while transgender people need no protectors, trans-attracted men can complement them in off-the-chart ways. But these men first must know what they’re doing with their trans-attraction. Their journey from Chaser to Transamory IS THAT PROCESS.

If transgender women were willing to change their view of such men, they would find powerful allies there. Yes, it takes a profound willingness to change one’s mind in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. And I know most transgender women won’t do stop looking at the contrary evidence long enough to do that. It’s true: self-loathing is a powerful elixir.

But some do. Some like my clients.

Every story can change. Even self loathing ones. A powerful figure with tremendous global influence once said of his tormentors “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” There’s great power in forgiveness. That and asking questions.

A simple question can change the course of even the most vile person. And in that way transgender women can become catalysts for trans-attracted men. If they choose to.

So, transgender women, the next time you get a dick pick from some online dating app you’d do better not being on, perhaps instead of getting mad, forgive the sender. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Then, maybe, ask them a question. Like: Why do you think sending me this picture will get you what you think you want?

Then see what happens next.

July 4, 2023May 20, 2023

Here’s Why We All Want Love So Bad

Because it is all that we are. Including transgender and trans-attracted people. And if transgender and trans-attracted people understood this as their life experience, we wouldn’t be so desperate to get love. Love would come to us. With none of the drama, heartache or loneliness.

We want love so bad because we’ve been – as one client put it recently – entrained into bogus stories. Stories that say we’re not enough. Some bogus stories say we’re incomplete if we’re not in a relationship. Others say we should be lonely if we’re not in a relationship. Some even go so far as to claim something is wrong with us if we’re not seeking coupledom.

There are far more bogus stories than these which have us desperately seeking love. The irony of all these stories is how far they’re off the mark. The love all of us – myself included at one time – desperately seek outside ourselves is a lot closer than we think.

And it’s THAT love we all really want. That love is self-love. Self-love is the experience of one’s self as enough. But it goes even farther than that. It is radical adoration for all that we are…and all we’re becoming. Even though we haven’t yet fully become that.

Do you want to be right or happy?

This self-love tangibly expresses the reality that we each ARE love, flowing ourselves constantly into a human body. Clients who stick with me for a while come to this realization. When they do, it’s a profound shift in their life. It usually comes after they create things or “manifestations” consistent with their dreams.

In other words, the shift happens when they create a life consistent with positive stories about their life and what they want. That usually doesn’t happen until they’re ready to give up stories they tell creating a life they don’t want.

Part of that journey requires giving up being right. It’s “true” that many men are chasers, cheaters or won’t date a trans woman in public. It’s “true” that many transgender women are bat-shit crazy, cold diggers or call girl/OnlyFans obsessed. So both transgender women and trans-attracted men get to be right.

I always ask my clients though: Which would you rather be, right or happy? That’s another bogus story we hold tightly to. “I’d rather be right than happy. I must face the facts. I must tell it like it is.”

A lot of people prefer being right. Including trans-attracted people and trans women. I find that a shame when happiness is so easily had.

The problem with telling it like it is is, when we do, we keep getting more of “like it is” than what we want. The same goes with love. Other people, society, social media and our life in general train us into believing this love that we ARE doesn’t exist. So we seek it out “in the world”. But we do that through stories which create less love and a lot of “telling it like it is”.

That’s why so many of us are unhappy, angry and lonely.

Love is good. Even when it hurts.

Love is awesome. It’s so good for us. Being in love with another, whether human or animal, gives us a glimpse of what life can be when we consistently tune in to the love that we ARE.

We as love are unconditional. That means we love everyone and everything. Not so with loving a partner, or even a pet. The split second our love interest does something we at all that disappoints us, we’re out of love. We’re in annoyance, frustration, anger or fear. Or worse…betrayal.

Real love isn’t compatible with those emotions. Real love keeps on loving. Even when the object of our love acts “unlovable”. That’s why the love we are keeps loving us. It is unconditional. So when we fail to love, it still loves us. That’s why it feels so bad when we fail to love.

Abraham saying being in love is key to getting what we want.

Love brings us what we want easily

But that love that loves us even when we’re not loving is more than just a feeling. When a person taps into themselves as that love, not only do they no longer NEED love from another (animal or person), they find a richer, more satisfying, more consistent love. That love, of course, is the love they ARE. It’s unconditional, always there and feels more deep than any love anything outside us can give.

The cool thing about that love, the love we all are, is, living from there, everything else we want comes easily. Partners, lovers or whatever, it doesn’t matter. That’s because our world is a reflection of our inner state. When we’re unhappy or lonely, it’s very hard to get the love we want. Because when we’re unhappy or lonely, we’re not a match to love. But when we’re in the love that we are, then the world must reflect that love back to us.

What does that look like?

It looks like a life where everything naturally works out. Where life just gets better and better.

It doesn’t happen all at once. Change happens gradually. But proof it’s happening is obvious if we know where to look. I teach my clients where to look. Once blind, they now see evidence everywhere. And the more they see, the more they eventually find the love they are. Then they get the love they want.

Want to know more? Let’s talk.