As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.
But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.
Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.
Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere
Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.
Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.
For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.
They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.
In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.
Everyone is a match
This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.
I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.
Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.
I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.
Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.
Question: I’m transgender. How many days does it take to create something like the perfect man I want in my life?
Short answer: it depends.
An objective reality doesn’t exist. So it’s not possible to answer such a question with a specific number of days and expect that to be “the average number of days” or “the least amount of days” that would be accurate for everybody.
The only reality that exists is the one perceivable by the perceiver. In other words, physical reality is a 100 percent subjective experience. The same is true when creating.
So the number of days it takes to create something like meeting a perfect mate depends on the person’s subjective experience and their stories, which includes how much they doubt or believe what it is they’re trying to create.
If a person has a lot of doubts or resistance about what they’re trying to create, it’s gonna take much longer than if they have pure focus on what it is they’re wanting and they believe what they’re wanting is possible.
For example, I recently enjoyed chatting with transgender women on Facebook about their stories about men. These transgender women, like many transgender women, have strong, disempowering stories about men, about trying to find a man, and about dating in general.
An example of powerful negative stories creating realities this person doesn’t want.
So it’s not likely these women will meet what they want anytime soon.
Also, it depends on what it is one wants. If somebody wants to create something they believe is easy, which is the same thing as saying something they have no resistance about, it can be theirs in a few hours.
But most people don’t have clean stories on topics they consider to be “serious“ or things they really, really want such as a monogamous “straight” man they can spend their lives with.
So, the number of days it takes depends on the desire, and how much resistance someone is holding about the desire. It can take a few hours, or it can never happen.
The good news is, evidence it’s happening is immediate, if you know where to see it. And in seeing the evidence, one gets encouraged. Encouragement speeds up the process, so before you know it, your life IS better.
There’s so much to being transgender or trans-attracted. Both perspectives change worlds. Both bring so much value, I wonder why so many transgender women struggle emotionally, in relationships and life in general. I wonder too why so many trans-attracted men live in shame and embarrassment.
Then I remember how once I lived the same way. That’s why I started The Transamorous Network. It’s here to free trans-attracted men, primarily, and transgender women, so they can live lives they came to live: free of guilt and shame, happy lives where not only they get the love they want, they get everything else they want too.
That’s all out of reach if people in both groups don’t feel worthy. By worthy I mean feeling they deserve everything they want. It’s hard feeling that way though when life shows someone they aren’t getting everything they want.
But that’s why I created The Transamorous Network. Because everyone creates their experience. They may not get what they want now, but because they create their experience – through stories they tell – getting what they want is as easy as getting what they are getting now: what they don’t want.
It works both ways
Feeling worthy while not believing one is worthy isn’t possible. Coming into one’s worthiness happens naturally though when one starts learning how stories create reality, then applying what they learn in their daily life.
Before they know it, life starts showing them how accurate “your stories create your reality” is. The more evidence shows up, one not only feels more empowered, they want more evidence.
Why?
Because getting what one want’s feels so good, especially when one hasn’t been getting what they want for so long, the person just wants more.
In time, so much evidence piles up, a person no longer thinks about “your stories create reality”. It’s just “truth” to them. Just like for many transgender women “all men are chasers” occurs as “truth”.
Feeling worthy is easy
In time, worthiness wells up. When that happens, feeling worthy is easy. Evidence makes it easy. Evidence draws worthiness from within the person. Worthiness is always there. For many transgender and trans-attracted people, their worthiness gets covered up by negative stories.
Worthiness then feels like UN-worthiness.
Finding worthiness allows plenty, including plenty of partners and mates, plenty of money, plenty of everything. And when a person gets to having all that, they naturally express that worthiness in ways that change the world around them.
Everyone is worthy. That includes transgender and trans-attracted people. We come into the world to shape new worlds. The joy of shaping worlds happens when we embrace our worthiness. Our worthiness comes from knowing we create our reality through stories we tell.
Until we make that connection though, new worlds still happen. It’s just not as fun.
The reason why many transgender, trans-attracted and transamorous people have such a hard time meeting their matches is because they resist what they want.
A Transamorous Network client recently had an experience worth sharing. It not only shows how stories create reality, it also shows how, usually, trans and trans-attracted people don’t see connections between their stories and realities their stories create.
Not seeing those connections is why many transgender and trans-attracted people’s lives are so dismal, unsatisfying, lonely, depressing and more. Many such people feel powerless around doing something about such lives.
That’s why it’s important to know stories create reality. It’s also important knowing how to read the signs telling you what stories are creating what reality.
So let’s now turn to Selene’s story.
A transgender woman creates while not knowing she’s creating
Selene, who happens to be trans, came to her session in good spirits. She had a good New Year’s and Christmas, spent mostly at home with her family. The farm where she lives sits on cold, frozen farmland, but inside her home, good cheer, good food and family filled the space and warmed Selene’s heart.
That good cheer extended to her father, mother and sister, all of whom laughed and ate and opened presents together. Selene enjoyed a good family holiday. That mood continued days following Christmas.
Enjoying the holidays while being trans or trans-attracted is not as hard as you think. Click the photo to find out more. (Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash)
A couple days before her session, a customer entered the Starbucks where Selene works, ordered a drink, then took off his mask. He started drinking his beverage in the store. That behavior violated Starbucks’ COVID-19 policy.
Selene saw the customer and politely explained to him that, one, he couldn’t remove his mask while in the store and, two, he could not drink his beverage inside.
The man looked Selene up and down, then said “Are you trying to control what I’m doing sir?”
Then she heard her assistant manager behind her say “Sir, Selene is a woman, not a man. You must leave now.”
As the unruly customer turned to go, Selene added “It’s also illegal to retaliate against workers when they enforce statewide COVID policy.”
Not seeing the connections…until they’re seen
In her session a couple days after this experience, Selene wondered aloud why she experienced this. She thought such an experience wouldn’t happen since she’s been telling positive stories, evidenced by such a good holiday with her family.
Why did this unruly man enter her life experience? Why did she have such a confrontation? I remained silent.
A moment later, Selene started talking about something else. She thought she changed the subject. Little did she know, she was about to answer her questions herself.
Selene said she read an article on the internet. It described a new law now in effect in her area. It protects workers from retaliation when they enforce COVID-19 policies in their workplace.
After reading the article, Selene said, she liked the new law. She told me she thought about how cool it would be to have an experience where she could use it.
I looked at Selene silently. She got my look and smiled. It didn’t need saying, but I said it anyway:
“There is no mystery about this experience,” I said. “You were in your positive momentum of the holidays, feeling good, revelling in joy with your family. Then you read this article and felt confidence in the new information. Feeling confident, you declared wanting to use that law. So you created an experience consistent with your declaration: an opportunity to use it.”
Who comes into your experience depends on the stories you tell.
It’s obvious once seen
Life always shows how stories create reality. Most miss the connections, because they don’t believe that’s what’s happening. So when something happens now, they forget past nows wherein a story was told that creates the now happening.
Once you know how to see the clues, they’re obvious.
Here’s the formula using Selene’s example:
Selene felt wonderful from previous nows with her family. Those previous nows were born of work she’s been doing with The Transamorous Network for the last two years about her family.
In her wonderful feeling, she attracted a news story specifically about her work as a customer-facing employee. It’s likely Selene had an unexpressed desire to feel more protected at work around COVID and her gender. Thus her life experience revealed this news to her.
In the revealing, Selene felt better about her work as a customer-facing Starbucks employee. That confidence took it a step further: it had her express a desire for an experience matching that confidence, which would bolster said confidence.
Then she dropped the whole idea. She thought about it no further. She didn’t share the article. She forgot it until she brought it up in our session.
So, in only a few days, she got exactly the experience she wanted.
It always works this way…or it can
This is how stories always create reality. The reason why transgender and trans-attracted people have such a hard time meeting their matches, or getting anything they want, is because they resist what they want by focusing almost totally on what they don’t want.
They focus on sucky relationships they have or had. They focus on sucky relationships other trans or trans-attracted people share on social media. They think about tranny chasers, gold diggers and “hoes”. They are impatient with not having the relationship they want. They wallow in loneliness, yearning and sadness.
If instead transgender and trans-attracted people talked about positive things happening in their lives, about the positive aspects of relationships they DO have, about things they enjoy about their lives now, their lives would gradually include more of those things. And less negative people, experiences and circumstances.
Loving relationships aren’t hard to find. But if you think they are, then they are hard to find. The way out isn’t looking for loving relationships when you think they’re hard to find. The way out is changing your story about relationships.
Happy New Year to all the trans, trans attracted and transamorous people reading this. This year offers a new opportunity, one in which you find empowerment, instead of shame, joy, instead of embarrassment, freedom, instead of bondage and love in who and what you are.
All this is available NOW. The moment you tell better stories about who and what you are. Your love of transgender people is wholesome. Being trans attracted is good.
You don’t need a new year’s resolution to know that. All that’s needed is that you see yourself as you are: worthy of all you want, creating a world containing all you want, surrounded by desires of all kinds, each one fulfilling themeselves.
That includes having that partner you want. Whether you’re transgender, trans attracted or transamorous, whatever kind of relationship you want you can have. But only if you’re a match to that relationship.
Honor your trans attraction in 2021
Is 2021 going to be the year you become a match to your relationship desires?
Last month a Transamorous Network client, only four months into his 1:1 sessions, sent a message to his church: he was moving on.
He realized the church tells disempowering stories, not only about Christianity, but also about being an LGBTQ person. I know some guys find it hard to take, but if you’re trans attracted, you’re part of the LGBTQ family. That doesn’t mean you’re “gay” though.
Sending that message was monumental. It was an act born of his desire to own who he is and free himself from living small, living safe but scared and worried about what others think. He’s now reaching for his empowerment, on his own terms.
As he told me what he had done, a new version of him emerged. A version who honors his trans attraction as an important part of who he is. He’s inspired by what he now sees is possible: a life full of exactly what I wrote in the first paragraph above.
Trans attraction demands living authentically
Churches make people believe that church is the doorway to salvation. That’s never the case. Especially if you’re trans attracted.
More often than not, church leads to exactly the opposite. My client realized this, and in just four months is leaving his church. This process actually happened in the last 30 days of working with The Transamorous Network.
In the previous three months, this client wrestled with his old stories as we looked at them through the lens of what we do in The Transamorous Network 1:1 sessions.
Leaving the church was important. So long as he continued with the church, he would not be a match to the woman he wants, or the life he craves. Becoming a match required living his authenticity, which includes moving from closeted chaser to becoming transamorous.
Your positive transformation hold all you want. (Photo by Amanda Jones on Unsplash)
Your transamory offers positive transformation
Ironically, three months into his 1:1 sessions, he met a trans woman who also happened to be a well-known porn actress. They hit it off, but my client felt a mix of negative emotions about her.
Successful and looking for the same in a parter, she was confident, bold and clear about what she wanted, as some transgender women are. But she unnerved my client. Who she was being intimidated him.
He knew his church would not approve, to put it lightly. Trans AND a porn actress? Really? LOL. But meeting this woman was a perfect catalytic event: As much as it unnerved him to think about being with her, my client desired what she represented. And that desire was enough to spark a transformation.
We looked at stories he told about her, stories adopted from his church, stories which, together with his desires for her, fueled an inner conflict.
Your trans attraction feels like it’s only about love. But it’s about so much more. (Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)
Trans attraction is about more than love
I told him this conflict represented a momentous opportunity waiting to bring him everything he wants. The inner conflict he felt indicates he is not yet a match to this woman. Which explains why the relationship, so far, appears to be over.
That relationship wasn’t about him ending up with her though. It was about catalyzing a change within this client leading to greater freedom and the fulfillment of everything he wants. Not only in love, but in all life areas.
But having had that relationship, and seeing what was possible from new stories emboldened this client. In the following weeks he started telling more positive stories. Those stories prompted the message to his church.
This client isn’t a sinner. He doesn’t need saving. He creates his reality, he is not dammed because of his beliefs or acts, or who or what he is. What he is is a wondrous, joyful being who is here to have whatever life experience he wants.
Transamory is freedom
Another 1:1 client had similar experiences over the last nine months of 2020. It’s taking him longer, but he too has left his church. New stories clarified for him how much he lived in bondage born of old stories adopted from his religion.
Like the previous client, he met a trans woman too, someone with whom he has many things in common, someone he finds astonishingly fresh, real and attractive.
His old stories created realities inconsistent with his trans attraction. Today, he’s changing that though. He’s getting a divorce from his cisgender wife. And though it’s a bit turbulent right now, he sees more and more how moving towards his new stories offers a life far more joyful and empowering.
Whether trans, a chaser, trans attracted or transamorous, we are all here to transform the world through our own self-transformation. Our self-transformation will turn shame and embarrassment into delight and joy for ourselves and for others. Recovering and then living our authenticity will bring freedom from old stories that have us live in fear, shame and worry.
The payoff is life experience equal to our wildest dreams, yes, in love, but also in every other life area.
But we can’t get there while standing in stories which create emotions such as fear, shame, and worry.
This year, give yourself the gift of joy, freedom and empowerment available in your self-transformation. Get the love you crave. Tell more positive stories about what you want. Then watch what happens.
Happy new year!
ADDENDUM: It’s Jan. 1 at 4:30 PM. I wrote this post at 3 am this morning. This is so cool as a follow-up. The first client I mentioned in this post, this afternoon sent the following text message. It perfectly punctuates what he’s getting from his 1:1 sessions:
They lyrics of that song “Drive” are a perfect treat, pounding home his realization. Definitely worth a listen:
