I know. It sounds like an impossibility. Trans women are hard to find. Men who love trans women who aren’t chasers are even more rare. Am I right? And besides, people are subject to their own whims and desires, right? Free will and all that? We can’t really create people, can we?
Why yes, we can…
It’s accurate that others are their own creation. But they’re also a co-creation. We all participate in each others’ becoming. And, as I’ve stressed before, the people we experience aren’t the same people those people are. Instead, they’re our creations. Which explains why trans women who complain about “chasers” usually meet exactly that. And why DL men meet unsavory trans women…
But this is a positive post about how I created another person in my reality. You can too. In fact, this post is really about being joyful. Because what happened was such a delightful, and yet, expected, surprise.
The setup was awesome
One day this past summer while riding my bike, I came across a celebration. Portlanders – in their weird way – were riding around on old-style roller-skates. Dressed in costumes and carrying signs, these folks were partying over something I didn’t understand.
I did understand they were enjoying themselves, though. That was obvious. As a mobile DJ blasted tunes, the revelers wound their way along a circular path cones outlined on the street.
As I rode past, I noticed a woman on her bicycle. She was tall, with dark hair to her shoulders. She drew me to her with an enthralling quality.
Now, I have a “trans” version of “gaydar”. I can just spot trans women. So I knew this person was trans. The moment happened so quick though. I saw her, rode past, then focused on the revelers.
Still, riding away, I chastised myself. Why didn’t I stop and say hi to that woman? But in my self-reproach, I realized what I was doing. So, instead of staying in that story, I decided I would create a future reality where I’d see her again. I therefore casually said to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice to see this person again?”
Then I focused on how pleased I would be to rendezvous with that probable future reality. Notice: I did this casually, lightly and only for a moment.
You can probably guess what happened next…
We create everything we experience
As creators, we are the only beings in our reality. Everything we experience, therefore, is a reflection of our massive, eternal awareness. We constantly create new realities as we move through our created reality. This gives rise to multiverses science is only recently coming to acknowledge exist.
We create people in our realities as we create everything else. The versions we create are cooperatively created along with the entities those people are in their reality. So it’s not like we’re doing anything against anyone’s will.
What this means is, we have complete control over experiences we have with other people. But usually, we let our observations reign over what we create. Especially when it comes to other people. Rather than creating them deliberately, we let our observations do it. So people occur as individuals totally separate from us. We experience physical reality the same way for the same reasons.
When we realize, however, that we create our reality, including others, we come into tremendous power and leverage. We can literally call people back into our experience, provided those people are willing to have that experience too.
That’s what happened here.
Hearing inner guidance
After affirming a future rendezvous with this person, I dropped it. I let the idea go into All That Is, knowing the Universe took hold of it.
Yesterday, over three months after seeing her, I got the impulse to go for a walk. I had just meditated for an hour and was vibing really high. So I put on warm clothes and headed out.
I knew I was vibing high because of how I felt. But also based on people’s reactions. They were super friendly. Strangers stared at me. When you’re vibing high, you stand out like a sore thumb. People notice you. I greeted those people and they were friendly in return.
As I wound my way back towards home, I started crossing one of the bridges spanning the river bisecting downtown. On the way across I spotted a person coming the opposite direction. I knew this person was trans. She was also walking a Corgi. Something else about her was very familiar. But I didn’t know what.
About 20 meters away, we locked eyes. I said hi. She smiled and nodded. I felt a jolt of clarity. I recognized a connection between her and I in that moment.
We passed one another. Then my Broader Perspective suggested I stop, so I did. I leaned against the rail and took stock of my inner awareness. Something important happened that I wasn’t catching. But my Broader Perspective’s signals were strong enough to give me pause.
The fateful bridge
Then the big reveal
I looked back and saw her walking in the distance. A part of me wanted to catch up with her. It wanted to introduce myself and strike up a chat. Another part didn’t. It wanted to go home. It was getting dark. Soon it would be too cold for the clothes I wore.
Screw it, I decided. I wanted to follow through on the first part urging me to go introduce myself. By now she was a good 500 meters away. I turned back and went to catch up with her.
About 50 meters away, for some reason, that’s when she decided to stop and sit on a park bench! It was a perfect set up! I was so pleased this happened because it worked perfectly for me to approach her. When I did, I introduced myself. She invited me to sit and talk.
After talking with her a while, it struck me: This was the girl I saw last summer! In my excitement I told her so, but she didn’t remember. Most people don’t remember much about things they consider insignificant, so that wasn’t surprising. Inside though I knew this was the Universe responding to my request.
Long story short, we talked for 30 minutes. She gave me her number. We’re talking about seeing each other again.
The more we believe, the more we see
It’s so fun meeting people this way. It’s so fun I wonder why people rely on online dating to help them meet people. This is way more fun. The serendipity, the surprise, the unfolding are all wonderful characteristics of cooperating with the Universe to meet people we want to meet.
It’s so easy. And, if we’re relaxing into the desire, it happens relatively fast.
But a lot of people don’t believe anything you just read. Or they believe what you just read is just a big coincidence. I’ve had this exact experience happen too many times though. So many I’m convinced this indeed is what’s possible. Not just for me. But for anyone.
We create our realities. That includes other people. The more we believe that, the more we’ll see that bear out in the world we experience. That means we can have anything in our reality: lovers, wonderful rendezvous, and everything else we desire.
It’s just how the Universe is organized.
Try it for yourself. Test the Universe and watch it deliver.
Over time, women have written me after finding out their husbands/partners are trans-attracted. Recently, two such people sought my advice. Those conversations were enlightening. What can they do about their men’s trans attraction, they asked. Interestingly, both wanted to stay with their men.
Remaining with their partners is new. At least in my experience. Past women writing me expressed outrage. Or they felt shame and revulsion. Or they felt betrayed at discovering their men find transgender women attractive.
Presumably, some readers are reading this because they’re in similar situations. I’m writing this post for those of you. The world doesn’t offer many resources for you. Just as it doesn’t offer many resources for your man. So you’re likely to make mistakes. Mistakes that could cost your marriage. Mistakes including believing that your relationship is over.
It doesn’t have to be.
Read on to discover a fresh, empowering perspective. A perspective about you, your relationship and the man you either are, or once were, in love with. In other words, there is hope. Hope for you, for your man and for your relationship.
I know what I’m talking about
Just for background: I’m a transamorous guy. “Transamorous” is a relatively new term. It means someone who is attracted to transgender women. “Trans-attraction” is another word for it. But the two aren’t the same.
Transamorous is a higher order, more mature version of trans-attraction. You can read more about the two in this post.
I have had my own experience with moving through trans-attraction to transamory. Part of that journey involved being married. My process happened over many years. Since then, I created this site to help men like me. As I wrote above, such men don’t have many resources they can turn to.
Given my experience, I’d say I’m an expert on this situation. Not only because I share the attraction your husband does. But also because I work with men like your husband.
I also work with trans women. So I have an understanding of both sides of the relationship dynamic which brings these two groups together. It’s a very strong dynamic that needs some explanation. The dynamic involves you too. Not in the way you probably think it does though.
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Suffice it to say, I know what I’m talking about. And I offer what I know to soothe concerns you’re feeling. It’s going to be ok. Don’t panic.
Knee-jerk reactions born of panic aren’t in your best interest. (Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash)
None of this is a judgement on you
This section is important. Some women discovering their man is trans-attracted make the mistake of blaming themselves. You must not do this. Nothing has gone wrong although it may feel that way. You’re not a bad partner. This has nothing to do with your sexuality, or your ability to please your man.
There’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. What’s happening is the natural unfolding of your relationship. Because it’s natural, it was unavoidable. In some way, at some time, this was going to happen. So rather than thoughts like “my relationship was a sham all along”, or “My self-esteem is shattered”, it’s better to consider that everything about your relationship is working. It’s just that some things are happening you just don’t understand yet.
Society conditions us to put other people’s opinions of us ahead of our own. That shows up in thoughts like “what are people going to think of me?” or “I’m going to be the laughing stock of my church”. People’s tendency to put other people’s opinions of them ahead of their own is a major impediment to happiness generally.
But it really is detrimental in this situation. Mainly because what’s happening is a special event. An event those around you are likely to not understand at all. More importantly, considering others’ opinions at this time will disempower your ability to reap the wonderful opportunities that exist in this situation. For you, for your partner and for the world generally. This especially includes opinions of your family and your friends.
So you must do your best to refrain from thinking about what others might or are thinking about what you’re experiencing. Their opinions do not matter.
You came into this situation on purpose. You came with everything you need to benefit tremendously from it. No one who matters is negatively judging you. You might be though. If you are, that’s not helpful.
Your emotions might be acting against you
Whether you’ve just found out or consciously knew all along, what you’re experiencing in your relationship is a special situation. It’s human evolution happening right before your eyes. As such, this is not a sexual, or romantic situation. It may seem that way. But that’s the wrong context to look at what you and your husband are going through. If you look at it from there, you’re sure to feel betrayal and other similar emotions.
Meanwhile, this is a much bigger, much more important experience for both of you. It CAN be a deepening of your relationship, not a destroyer of it. But how YOU frame it will determine which it will be. So not panicking is in your best interest. In fact, the more logical you can be about this situation, for now, the better.
We’ll reintroduce emotional reactions in a bit.
For now, it’s important that you not engage with or invest in your emotional reaction. That’s because you’re likely to create unfavorable outcomes. Particularly if you’re feeling negative emotions about what’s happening. So any negative emotional reactions are acting against you.
I’m presuming you love your man. Or loved him up to discovering what he’s been doing. I argue that you still love him. You may not feel that love right now. Maybe you do. If you do, that’s a great start.
If you don’t, I ask you just be patient a bit. I promise the love you have for him will return. It may return by the time you finish reading this.
What’s happening with your man
As I wrote above, your man is undergoing a process. It is a divine, spiritual process of human evolution. It’s not about sex or romance, although it sure looks like that. And, your man probably doesn’t understand what’s happening to him either. I mean, sure, he feels arousal. He can see his behavior. But he may not be very clear about why what’s happening is actually happening.
As such, he’s likely questioning a lot of things. Particularly, he’s questioning his own sexuality and sense of self. Meanwhile, many other thoughts are going on in his head. Some of those thoughts are about you. They’re about his love for you. They likely are scary thoughts. Thoughts about what might happen if you find out. Thoughts that you will judge him harshly when you find out.
And, while he’s thinking all this stuff, he’s feeling shame, embarrassment, self-loathing and more. Which all explains why he’s doing what he’s been doing in secret. He just can’t bear to talk with you about it. Hell, he can barely acknowledge it to himself!
He also has nowhere to turn. The internet doesn’t help (save for my content and a smattering of other scant sources). But it can provide relief and space to explore. Relief in the form of porn, which allows exploration. But maybe your man has moved beyond that. He might be seeing a trans woman on the side. He may be seeing and paying for escorts or prostitutes who happen to be trans.
All these acts are part of this glorious process of human evolution. He doesn’t feel it that way. And, likely, neither do you. Nevertheless, that’s what it is. Let’s take a dispassionate look at that process.
It’s evolution baby!
We humans are way more than our bodies. No matter what your religion says or what your beliefs are, we are eternal beings enjoying a human experience. That experience has definite purposes. One of those is something I call “expansion”.
I’m not going to go into great detail here. The point is, your husband before he became a human, embarked on his human journey knowing full well he would experience what he’s experiencing: this thing called trans attraction. He knew it would cause his expansion. And here’s the kicker: he also knew it would create expansion for humanity, the world and the Universe at large.
Another kicker: the fact that you’re involved with him can only mean one thing: you were in this from the beginning. In other words, you also agreed to have this journey, this evolutionary adventure. That’s how you saw it before you became a human: an adventure.
Maybe you don’t see it that way now. But you can. Believe it or not, this experience will enrich your relationship. But you must make the decision that triggers that enrichment. No one else can do it. Including your man.
This evolution is causing humanity to see itself in new ways. It’s not new from our divine, eternal perspective. But as humans, it is new. The newness feels like “never been before”, and “pushing the boundries of self-expression”. It feels like “breaking down limiting beliefs and prejudices”. It feels like “letting go of what we’ve been told.”
So this process is divinely inspired to move humanity forward. And you, dear reader, are an active participant. I want you to see yourself as a supportive, willing active participant.
What your man is going through represents a divinely-inspired process of human evolution. (Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash)
The transgender experience
“Transgender” is the flip-side of your husband’s experience. Trans people and your husband are working together at a divine level. Transgender women, your man and men like him agreed to all of this. They knew the world would be better off as a result.
Being trans is a leading edge expression of humanity. Maybe you’ve noticed how much in the news the experience is. It’s literally transforming every aspect of civilization. From bathrooms to boardrooms, from the pews to politics, transgender people are fulfilling their roles. Many of them don’t understand what they’re doing from the perspective I’m writing. That doesn’t invalidate what you’re reading though. Like your man, these people don’t remember a time before their human birth. But that time heavily influences everything happening here.
Which is why nearly every transgender person feels being trans was something that happened to them, rather than something they chose.
Glory inherent in this experience already is being seen in many trans people’s lives. Success, wealth, recognition and increased freedoms are becoming an increasingly common experience for these people.
But the one area where they still struggle – particularly trans women – is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance and, as an extension, finding love. This is where your man comes in.
He’s a reflector
Your man’s role in these women’s lives is to reflect acceptance, love and appreciation back to the women. It’s a journey. It’s a process. One that works both on the women and your man. For your man is likely not accepting who he is as a trans-attracted person. Which is why he’s hiding it. He’s also afraid of what friends, family and society at large will think of him. Just as he’s afraid of what you might think of him.
This fear is similar to fears trans women have about themselves. In that way, the two groups – trans women and trans-attracted men – are perfect mirrors of one another. And the divine gift is, the two groups coming together and, in that process, both finding “healing” (that’s not a word I use often but it’s the best I can think of as I write this).
Now, your man is also reflecting for you. Presumably you two met and developed a love for one another. Real love is unconditional. That means, no matter the conditions, love remains at the forefront. Any other kind of love is not love. So if you’re feeling anything other than love for you man, even in the awareness of his trans-attraction, then you do not love him.
This is important to understand.
Your man, therefore, is helping YOUR expansion too. Expansion into what? Into unconditional love. Which is, by the way, your natural state. You ARE love. That’s why it feels so good to love and be loved. Both experiences faithfully reflect back to you what you are. Make sense?
The power of your thoughts is real
Think about the following statements:
I once loved (name of your man)
Maybe I still love (name of your man)
I am in a relationship with (name of your man) because I love(d) (name of your man)
I don’t want (name of your man) to suffer
He’s hiding this from me because he’s scared
Maybe he’s hiding this from me because he’s also embarrassed
(name of your man) might not understand what he’s feeling
He probably believes he must be “the man” for me
And this experience is probably challenging that for him
He doesn’t have to be “the man” for ME
But he might think he has to
So (name of your man) is struggling with this as much as I am
I hope he’s not suffering
Maybe he thinks he’s gay
Maybe I think this means he’s gay (my note: he’s not)
I want him to be happy
I don’t want him to be embarrassed or scared
There’s compassion in me for (name of your man)
I do love (name of your man)
I want us both to be happy
These are productive thoughts about this situation. Maybe you’re feeling even a smidgen of compassion, more understanding or love for your man after reading them. Or maybe just a bit of relief from your negative judgements. If you are, then you’ve experienced the power of your thoughts.
The way out of this situation is using that power. You’re using it now. But if you’re feeling negative or judgy about it, then you’re using it to your detriment. And the detriment of your relationship.
But if you use it deliberately you can completely and totally transform this experience. Not just for you, but for your man too. And for your relationship. Let’s look at what I’m talking about.
Your thoughts create everything
I’m not going to go into great detail here. That’s the purpose of my client work. But your thoughts and beliefs are the source of your entire earthly experience. And the more you deliberately think and believe, the better your life will get.
That includes people you interact with. The more you deliberately think and believe about people in your life, the better those people will become for you. That’s how powerful you are. My clients are proving this to themselves every week. I’m experiencing it in my life too, which is why I can teach people how to do this.
Inherent in you is the ability to create any version of any experience that is consistent with your desire. You can’t change other people’s desires. You can’t, for example, create a version of your husband who is not trans-attracted. Doing so would violate free will, which is a basic tenet of All That Is.
But you can create a more joyful version of your relationship/marriage. You can make it more consistent with what you are: unconditional love. And in doing so, you can transform who you are. When you do that, the world, including your relationship and your man, will reflect that back to you.
But to use this power, you must give up blaming. You must give up blaming others for your experience. That includes giving up making your man wrong for his trans-attraction or anything he’s done.
Here’s the thing: You knew he was trans-attracted when you first met him and didn’t read the clues. Nothing happens without you knowing on some level. That’s because you are the creator of your reality. No one else is creating it.
You create your entire experience. Including your relationship. (Photo by Caleb Ekeroth)
Recreating your relationship
So going forward, you have an awesome option regarding this situation: You can start deliberately thinking and believing about it. Do that and the situation will change in your favor!
Changing it has nothing to do about changing your partner. It has everything to do with YOU changing. You must become a more positive thinker/believer. You must begin reframing everything in your experience as positive. Including what your husband is doing. Do that and you’ll find your relationship seemingly miraculously changing.
So you may think the problem is what your man is doing. That’s not the problem. The problem is what you’re thinking about what your man is doing. That’s where your suffering is coming from. It’s coming from how you’re thinking and believing.
Rectifying your thoughts and beliefs isn’t easy. Mostly because many beliefs lurk beneath one’s conscious awareness. This explains why having someone like me around is helpful. I can spot unconscious beliefs in another better than they can themselves.
A therapist will not be as effective. That’s because they’re going to include your man in their solution. The problem though isn’t your man. It’s not his behavior. It’s what you’re thinking about both those subjects. Many other subjects too!
If you felt some relief reading those statements above, you’ve already had direct experience with the effectiveness of the approach I’m outlining here.
It’s powerful for a reason
This approach is extremely effective. That’s because it relies on basic building blocks of All That Is. Building blocks you constantly use to create your experience. You just don’t know that’s what you’re doing.
Do it deliberately and you will literally transform your relationship/marriage. And your husband. And yourself. The change doesn’t happen overnight. But initial signs are immediate.
The opposite is true too. If you’re worried, concerned, angry, feeling betrayed or similar emotions, you’re using this approach to create a future you’re not wanting. That’s why I wrote at the beginning that panicking is not in your best interest.
So find ways to relax. Look for things in your relationship that please you. Focus on those. Talk yourself into appreciation of your man and what you have with him. Then, maybe, you’ll feel better. Then you’ll be inspired to open a dialogue with him instead of starting a fight. Maybe you’ll be inspired to tell him you love him. That you want him to be happy no matter what. But that you’d like to remain with him and walk this path together.
If you can get there, then you have a chance. Anything that has you relax and find peace with yourself works in your best interest.
This is not a comprehensive explanation. It’s meant to offer advice that will work. But you must act on it. What I’ve written here isn’t enough to make the process work for you. There’s just not enough room to explain a process that requires hundreds of hours to master.
But mastering it gives you the keys to your kingdom. With it, you can create anything you want. Including a relationship full of unconditional love, rewarding experiences and a deepening peace and happiness.
My Advanced clients are so inspiring. Even when they struggle, they create for themselves the Charmed Life. Being Positively Focused Advanced clients, most of them catch when they do this. Still, it can feel like a painful struggle. That’s only because they need more practice. More practice that solidifies their trust that their stories create their reality.
An Advanced client today, who happens to be trans, shared an example of this. She’s progressing nicely. Her biggest desire for now is manifesting her lover. But she has many disempowering beliefs in the way. So her path to the lover is really bumpy. And yet, today she shared a story proving her progress, even though she told her story through tears.
Now, tears aren’t what people think they are. Tears are manifestations. They happen when humans release resistance. So crying isn’t a bad thing. Nor is it sad. It’s actually good. It only feels sad because we’re taught that it is sad. After all, after crying, we usually feel better, right?
As she told her story, my client felt much better. That’s no surprise. Being sad is impossible when one stands in witness to their unfolding Charmed Life.
Here’s the story she told.
A fabulous experience of inner awareness
She’s currently getting to know a guy I’ll call “David”. David has a child from a previous marriage. He and my client, I’ll call “Jill”, were texting. Today is Jill’s birthday and it isn’t a good one according to her. That’s because she perceives herself as alone (she’s not). And she think she’s getting older, which, for her is a terrible thing.
It’s terrible because the older she gets, she believes, the less time she has to find and enjoy her lover. In such beliefs, Jill can’t possibly feel happy and optimistic. Especially on her birthday!
Which is why some days she’s not happy or optimistic, including today.
Jill didn’t remember how wonderful sadness is. That sadness tells her something important. As we talked about that, naturally, Jill’s mood improved. Again, a human can’t be sad while standing in appreciation or empowerment, and as we talked that’s where I lead her.
Once getting there, she remembered what happened between her and David. Remembering this story in itself was a manifestation. She wouldn’t have recalled it had her mood not improved. So the story returning to her memory told her something important too. That’s another story though.
David is very busy. Not only does he have a child, he also works a lot. And, this weekend, the weekend of Jill’s birthday, he’s moving. So he’s doubly busy. David asked Jill if he could see a photo of her. She suggested they swap candid shots. So Jill, who was at a coffee drive-through, drove down the road then pulled over. There she snapped a couple pics. Then she sent them to David.
If you believe it long enough it becomes true
As is typical with text apps, Jill saw that David got her pics. Then she saw that familiar three dancing dots at the bottom of the chat. David was writing something. But he never pushed “send”. Here’s what happened next in Jill’s own words:
“At that moment,” She said. “I knew there were good reasons why he didn’t reply to my pics. But I made up really negative, really bad reasons why he didn’t. He didn’t like how I looked, I thought. He thought I was fat or thought I looked too masculine.”
As Jill thought these thoughts, she said, her mood got more and more negative. Before long, she was angry and sad.
“I totally believed what I was thinking,” She said. “I just knew what I was thinking was true.”
Jill’s persistent negative talk has been around a while. So there’s a lot of momentum behind those beliefs. She knew what she was thinking wasn’t true. And yet, she thought she knew for a fact that they were true. In other words, her reality was confirming her persistent beliefs. After all, she had been in situations like this before. Situations where men ghosted her after she sent a pic.
In those situations, though, she never found out the real reason why they disappeared. So getting no explanation, she made up her own. These she repeated over and over, in situation after situation, until her explanations became “truth” for her.
Anything we believe will prove true. Believe it long enough and, eventually, we’ll manifest evidence confirming the belief.
Creating deliberately
This is why I advise clients not to look at what’s true. Especially if what’s true isn’t what’s wanted. Instead I encourage them to look towards what they want. That’s because, for most of us, what’s true is inconsistent with our desires. So looking at what’s true causes that which is inconsistent with our desires to persist. Getting what we want, therefore, requires looking where our desires are. That place I call nonphysical.
Perceiving nonphysical is crucial to manifesting what we want. That’s why I spend so much time teaching how to do that in client sessions.
We can’t see nonphysical with our eyes though. We must learn to “see” it differently. When we do, we have our hands on powerful levers. Levers allowing us to create reality deliberately.
Jill knew what she was doing. Though convinced her beliefs were true, she said she was aware that she was creating a reality she didn’t want. Which is why when David finally did text her, she was not surprised: David had been busy, apologized for his delay and complimented her on her pics.
Jill said this was a big lesson for her. “I have to learn to rewire my thoughts so they’re more positive,” She said.
I agree.
In every case, the love we want that hasn’t shown up hasn’t because beliefs we hold keep it away. (Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash)
Transforming the future
Being aware of what we’re doing when we’re creating unwanted is another crucial skill. Developing it first requires understanding how reality becomes reality. Then we use our awareness to interrupt that process. Then we learn to direct the process deliberately.
That Jill knew what she was doing was awesome. That she used that awareness to improve herself was the cool gift the Universe gave her. Had she not had the experience and awareness, the gift would have slipped through her fingers.
We talked about different stories she could tell in place of automatic beliefs activated by habit. We can literally make up any story that feels better. It doesn’t have to be true. It just needs to feel better.
He lost his phone.
Someone stole his phone.
The phone got run over.
He’s just busy right now.
These four stories feel better than those Jill told herself. The third made Jill laugh. That was a great sign. All of them are not true. Except the last one. Yet they all had Jill feeling better. And that’s the goal.
By practicing this skill on any topic we automatically think negative thoughts about, we transform our future. We make the future compliant with out desires. Do that often enough and we’ll find the future including more of what we want.
What we want therefore becomes a foregone conclusion. They must manifest. That’s just how the Universe works.
Words aren’t as convincing as creating results in your own life that prove this. Maybe you’re ready to do that. Contact me and let’s get you on that path.
Life is constantly gifting us. The only question is: are they slipping through your fingers?
I have a client on the Positively Focused side of what I do. She’s cisgender and has fallen for a man she manifested. But the man waffles a lot over his commitment to her. Rather than seeing this guy as not worth her time, because he does not meet her minimum requirements, she’s clinging to this man.
Because she believes this man is the only man out there for her, she believes she MUST have this man. As a result of her scarcity consciousness — about men and relationships — she suffers as the guy keeps breaking up with her, then he apologizes and comes back to her.
On my bike ride this morning I couldn’t help contrasting her experience with my own. As I’ve written in earlier posts, I now have a girlfriend. What’s remarkable, among many things, about Muriel, is her radical self acceptance. She knows herself. She recognizes those things about herself she wants to improve. And most importantly, one of those is not trying to pass as a cisgender woman.
I love that about her. Her radical acceptance of her status as a transgender woman resonates powerfully with me. That’s because I know the best happiness lies in self acceptance. Accepting fully who we are is the key to getting everything we want.
Loving who we are as we are
Self acceptance is a struggle for many transgender women. Muriel say this is because transgender women try to be something they’re not. I agree. They compare themselves to cisgender women. Then use that comparison as the yardstick for their “passability”.
Hopefully, dear reader, you can see the built-in struggle of that approach. Many transgender women compare themselves against something they’ll never be. And, in that comparison, they cannot accept a man who wants them for who they ACTUALLY are. So it’s no surprise such women struggle with finding love in relationship. It’s also no wonder they revile trans-attracted men.
They don’t fully love themselves as they are. So when someone expresses love for them as they are, they reject that person. As they reject themselves. Thankfully, Muriel is not that way. She loves (most) of who and what she is. So she can accept my affection. Indeed, my affection apparently amplifies her own self-appreciation. And I enjoy doing that for her. I reflecting back to her the love she has for herself.
Joy and freedom are at the heart of self acceptance. The more one pushes toward greater acceptance of all that one is, the more love and joy one will experience. First in themselves. Then in the world around them. In time the world will reflect back to them that inner state of joy. And when that happens, everything the person wants must show up in their life experience. Including lovers.
This is true for transgender women and trans-attracted men. It applies to everyone actually.
Loving ourselves is the best thing we can do to get all we want. Especially in love. (Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash)
Our perfect match is looking for us
Which again, is why Muriel and I have found one another. It’s no surprise that Muriel and I find the relationship we are experiencing satisfying. The limits it includes are perfectly matched to our life situations. Hers, being in an open marriage. Mine, being focused on my spiritual path. These two aspects of our lives are perfectly accommodated in what we share.
I want my Positively Focused client to find her full self acceptance. Doing so, she’ll find no need to pine after men. When it does, men like the one she’s pursuing won’t show up. Instead, she’ll rendezvous with men who are equally matched to her self acceptance. This already is happening. She’s getting better at seeing this.
Confidence, joy, freedom, security. All these are available to those who fully accept themselves. It doesn’t matter whether one is trans or cis. We’re all human after all. And we all have multiple perfect matches looking for us. Not just one. I love helping trans women and trans-attracted men find those kinds of matches.
Accepting oneself fully is not an easy matter though. Especially when so much of society conditions us out of self acceptance. That’s why someone like me can help those wanting joy, satisfaction and love.
If you’re one of those people wanting more joy, satisfaction and love, contact me. Results are guaranteed. Whatever you want you can have. But you first must become a match to it.
I once had a female housemate named Debbie. She left her “real job” for a calling. Instead of that “real job”, she wanted to become a life coach. This was back in the day when “life coaching” was the thing.
Months went by and Debbie wasn’t making much progress. One day, I happened to see her in the house. In that moment, I knew Debbie had lost her dream.
The look on her face said everything. The dread on her face and tears in her eyes spoke volumes. Debbie probably feared what she thought would happen next if she ran out of money. I remember giving her a long embrace. I told her it would be ok.
Debbie eventually moved out. She relocated to another state, got a job and, today, as far as I can tell, is happy. She married. Got a dog. She’s gotten back into dance, something she loves. As far as I know, life is good for Debbie.
Too good to be true?
As I pursue my calling, I know how Debbie felt. Yet I persist. Why? Because I know something Debbie didn’t. I also had extraordinary experiences that convinced me I could succeed. Debbie likely did not. Finally, enough evidence has show up along the way to convince me I’m progressing.
For Transgender women and trans-attracted men, the calling often pursued is finding that one person who clicks all our boxes. Someone who will love us. Someone who we’re compatible with. A person we can love. Someone we find attractive.
But many of us think such a person is too good to be true. Like Debbie, transgender women and trans-attracted men actively looking for love don’t believe what they want is possible. So we give up. Or we compromise on our dream.
Transgender women will settle for other women. They don’t believe a guy will love them. Trans-attracted men will spend all their money on escorts. They don’t believe they can find a beautiful transgender woman who won’t reject them. We compromise on our dreams because the idea of never finding love feels worse than the compromise.
Of course, there are lots of transgender women happy living and loving other women. And there are some trans-attracted men who settle for cis-gender women and live happily. Debbie found happiness too.
But we have dreams for good reasons. Still, giving up on them seems rational. Especially when the dream itself seems so irrational. Or scary.
But all dreams feel that way at first. Especially big ones. For many, finding love feels like a big one.
Living the dream
Plenty of examples show how worth it pursuing a dream can be. Hell, the very act of transitioning was once a dream for many transgender women. Now, for most transgender women, it’s just a known and accepted process. We could even say that process is now pedestrian. So many folks transition these days it’s not a big deal anymore.
This can be the case with ANY dream. Including the dream of finding and living a life with a satisfying lover. But old beliefs, will resist anyone who dares to follow such a dream. Which is why dreams feel scary or impossible. It’s not that they are scary or impossible. It’s because we think they are. And those thoughts conjure negative feelings we call “fear”, “scary” and “disbelief”.
Think about it though. Anyone who has actually pursued a dream realizes something remarkable. In pursuing, fear goes away. Done right fear gets replaced by adventure, interest and passion. Then, in perfect timing, when the dream is realized, the path to that dream feels sweet.
Then others see what we’ve done. Our example inspires others. Then the world changes. That’s the power of a dream! It’s world-changing.
Living the dream then, isn’t about getting to the goal of that lover or whatever. It’s the journey to that lover. That journey is the adventure that makes arrival so satisfying. Which means living the dream is worth every step along that path. And along the journey we inspire others.
We can all live our dreams. Especially transgender and trans-attracted people. In doing so we change the world. (Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash)
Is it worth it?
My experience proves what you’re reading. There have been moments of fear along my journey. But I know what “fear” means. Yes, there’s that “False Evidence Appearing Real” thing. But fear also is a beneficial emotion, like all emotions. Understanding what fear or disbelief tells us makes those emotions comply with our dream. And when that happens in us, it’s much easier to see the path before us. It’s much easier to see the end goal as a reality too.
That’s how my transgender and trans-attracted clients find their lovers. I show them how to turn their fear and disbelief into empowerment and expectation. Then I show them how to see evidence of progress toward their lovers. The more evidence they see, the more expectation and empowerment grows in them.
Before long, they arrive, happy and in love.
Anything a transgender person or a trans-attracted guy wants, they can have. Such people choose being born as trans or trans-attracted for powerful reasons. One: their lives inspire others. Two: Their example changes the world.
Getting what we want, especially love, can be scary. Especially when we don’t believe it’s possible. I don’t want to help you believe it’s possible. I want you to KNOW it is. Because it is. Don’t be scared. Live your dream. Have the love you want. I’ll show you how. Contact me.
