Category: Dating

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When Trans-Attraction Challenges Love: Martha’s Hidden Gift

TL;DR: The author shares Martha’s story—a cis woman and her trans-attracted partner—to show how even relationships that seem doomed can serve deep personal and spiritual expansion.

Martha came to The Transamorous Network in despair. A cisgender woman living on the East Coast, she’s surrounded by LGBTQ friends, including several transgender women. Yet despite being open-minded, supportive, and caring, she found herself in a painful emotional knot.

At 37, Martha is divorcing her husband, raising a teenager, and struggling to find her footing financially. Her marriage ended after discovering her husband had been having sex with her while she slept—behavior she rightly identified as sexual abuse. That experience left her shaken, confused, and feeling powerless.

In the midst of this upheaval, she met “Jack,” a senior construction manager. For the last three years, Jack has provided emotional and financial stability. He’s been her partner through the divorce and a source of companionship when she’s felt most alone. But there’s a catch: Martha recently discovered that Jack has been secretly reaching out to transgender women in her local community.

A Painful Discovery and a Familiar Pattern

Through her transgender friends, Martha saw messages between Jack and several trans women. These communications made it clear that Jack has a long-standing attraction to trans women—something he denied when confronted. He admitted only to occasionally “indulging” when drunk, describing it as a taboo thrill.

Martha’s trans friends warned her that men like Jack rarely change, and that the relationship would end in heartbreak. Deep down, she agreed. Her intuition told her the same thing. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Financially, she’s dependent on him. Emotionally, she feels connected.

It’s easy to assume this is a story about betrayal or weakness, but what’s really happening here is something deeper. Martha and Jack are a perfect match—not because they’re soulmates in the romantic sense, but because they share the same vibrational patterns of uncertainty and self-worth. Each is reflecting the other’s negative belief-momentum.

Jack fears being authentic about his trans-attraction. Martha fears standing on her own. Both are learning through this relationship what it means to accept themselves.

When Love Isn’t Love (Yet)

During our conversation, I gently told Martha something she hadn’t considered: she doesn’t truly love Jack. She cares for him, yes. But real love is unconditional. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person changes, stays, or behaves the way we want.

If Martha loved Jack in the truest sense, she would love all of him—including his trans-attraction. That doesn’t mean she should tolerate dishonesty or abandon her boundaries. It means love, as a state of being, is unconditional.

The painful irony is that what she calls “love” is really fear—fear of being alone, fear of financial instability, fear of what her future might look like without him. She says she wants to stay because she loves him, but what keeps her there is insecurity. And that insecurity perfectly mirrors Jack’s. He stays in hiding because he, too, is afraid—of judgment, of rejection, of what his attraction says about him.

Their relationship isn’t broken. It’s perfectly designed to help them both face themselves.

Martha’s relationship with Jack can benefit both…even as it doesn’t last. And the two can depart in love.

Every Relationship Is a Stepping Stone

Most people think relationships are supposed to last forever, and when they don’t, something must have gone wrong. But from a spiritual perspective, that’s not how relationships work. Every connection serves a purpose. Some are long-term, some brief, but all are stepping stones toward greater clarity and self-understanding.

Martha and Jack’s relationship may never become the romantic ideal she wants. Yet, it’s still valuable. Jack provides the stability that allows her to rediscover her sense of worth and capability. Martha provides the compassion and safety Jack needs to begin accepting his authentic self as a trans-attracted man.

When both partners understand this higher purpose, even a relationship that ends can end beautifully—with gratitude, not resentment. That’s the gift of awareness.

So often we define success in relationships by longevity. But success isn’t measured in years together—it’s measured in how much both people grow into joy while they’re together.

When Letting Go Is the Loving Thing

Martha’s intuition is already telling her what’s coming. She knows Jack will eventually pursue a trans woman openly. She can sense that her time with him has an expiration date. And yet, she also senses that she’s not quite ready to walk away.

That’s okay. She doesn’t need to rush. What matters most is that she uses this time to rediscover her independence—to see herself not as a victim of circumstance but as a deliberate creator of her life.

If she can find her footing, she’ll eventually release Jack in peace, appreciating how much this relationship taught her about love, fear, and authenticity. She’ll also leave space for Jack to step fully into his truth—something every trans-attracted man must eventually do if he wants to live joyfully and honestly.

A New Way to See Your Relationship

Maybe you see yourself in Martha or Jack. Maybe you’re in a relationship that feels like it’s going nowhere, or one that feels painful but hard to leave. You might think the only solutions are to stay and suffer, or to leave and start over. But there’s another option: to see your relationship for what it really is—a co-creative opportunity for growth.

When we shift our perspective, we reconnect with our empowerment. We stop labeling the relationship as “failing” and start appreciating it for what it’s showing us about ourselves. That shift alone can bring relief, expansion, and, sometimes, a completely unexpected renewal of love.

Whether our relationship continues or ends, our expansion is guaranteed—if we let it be.

Conclusion: The Gift Hidden in Every Relationship

Martha’s story isn’t tragic. It’s beautiful. Beneath the pain lies a perfect design—two people reflecting each other’s unmet needs so they can find wholeness.

Every relationship, no matter how temporary or turbulent, offers the same opportunity. The question is whether we can see it.

If you’re in a relationship that feels stuck or doomed, don’t despair. You might not need to end it—you might only need to see it differently.

When you’re ready to discover what your relationship is really trying to show you, schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 session at The Transamorous Network. You may find that what looks like an ending is actually your next beginning.

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How Two Trans Women Reflected My Old And New Life

TL;DR: The author reflects on two contrasting interactions with trans women—one critical, one affirming—as divine guidance. The post explores how vibrational alignment shapes experience and how all feedback is a mirror.

Recently, I had two experiences unfold within days of each other — one critical, one deeply affirming. On the surface, they couldn’t have been more opposite. But viewed through the lens of “Your stories create your reality”, they were identical in purpose. They both came to show me something.

One was a correspondence with a transgender woman—let’s call her Janet—who found my work on The Transamorous Network off-putting. The other was a heartfelt 1:1 consultation with a different transgender woman—let’s call her Nancy—who reached out after reading 20+ blog posts and loving the material. Nancy is a scientist, nearly finished with medical school, and also steeped in clinical psychology. And yet, what she said after our session struck me the most: “Yes: I want to work with you.”

Let’s rewind to what led up to that moment.

Janet’s comments: Resistance in Disguise

When Janet first reached out, she let me know right away she didn’t like what I was writing about. She disagreed with the term “transamorous.” She challenged the need to even distinguish between attraction to cis women and attraction to trans women. In her view, labeling that difference was, at best, redundant—and at worst, invalidating to trans identities.

I get it.

Many trans women carry deep scars from rejection, invalidation, and dismissal — particularly from men. So when someone like me comes along and dares to suggest that trans-attraction is its own unique phenomenon — not fetish, not confusion, but something spiritually profound — it can bring up all kinds of discomfort, what I call a Belief Confrontation.

But discomfort doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It means I’m touching something real. So I responded to Janet with clarity, not defensiveness. I explained:

  • That trans-attracted men often go through years—decades, even—of pain, confusion, and self-hatred.
  • Many of them love trans women, and yet, their love is hard to express inside a culture that insists on binaries.
  • Transamory is not a rejection of trans womanhood. It’s an embrace of it. A spiritual calling that draws a man toward a woman whose path, like the man’s path, includes a powerful transformation.

But what I most wanted her to know was this: You don’t need to agree with my work. My work is not about convincing. It’s about aligning. It’s here for those who resonate — because they’re ready to love and be loved in a new way.

And then — just a few days later — Nancy showed up.

Nancy’s Arrival: Alignment Echoes Loudly

Nancy is in the middle of her transition and is contemplating gender confirmation surgery. But she reached out to me because she sensed something about that desire didn’t feel entirely clear, among other things, including the kinds of men she had been meeting. She wondered if her experiences were coming from positive stories or unhelpful ones.

So she set up a 1:1.

We spoke far longer than the usual 30-minute free session. Why? Because we both felt resonance. Here was a woman steeped in science—medicine, psychology—and yet, she wasn’t looking for a therapist. She was looking for resonance; a deeper knowing. Something that went beyond textbooks, data sets and science.

She’s going to find it in this practice.

I didn’t tell her what to do about surgery. That’s not my job. What I offered instead was a reflection of her own knowing. I helped her sense whether her momentum was aligned or reactive. And in that space, something clicked. That’s why she wanted to become a client.

Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding.

And that’s when it hit me: Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding. They arrived within the same week, orbiting the same subject—me and my work—offering radically different reflections. Janet revealed the remnants of past momentum. Nancy confirmed my current alignment.

And that’s the beauty of what I teach. To explain:

A Return from Negative Momentum

Back in December, I stopped writing for The Transamorous Network blog. Perhaps you noticed. I noticed that my focus on trans-attraction and transamory back then had slipped into negative momentum focus. I was drawing more and more criticism from angry readers—many of whom didn’t understand my perspective or what I was offering. All of them were trans women.

I tried for a long time to clear up their misunderstandings and limited beliefs. But those people couldn’t hear what I was saying. That’s because their Belief Constellations ranged far from where I am in my knowledge about life experience. So the more I tried to uplift them, the harder they pushed. And the harder they pushed, the more entrained I got. 

Until I realized what I was doing. 

When I did, I stopped pushing against that resistance. I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate. No more posts for that blog! In doing so, I let the negative momentum subside by not feeding it further.

I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate.

Months later—without me publishing a single new post—new readers began reaching out again. Trans-attracted men, wives of trans-attracted men, even gay men sent me messages. They all were asking for guidance, for support, for answers. Not with anger—but with curiosity and warmth. And with understanding that I offer something of value.

That’s how I knew something shifted.

And then came Janet and Nancy, nearly at the same moment. Both represented clear reflections that I was now standing in a different vibrational space—one where I was ready to choose what momentum I wanted to amplify.

An Option to Focus

Janet mirrored my old stories—stories I had already soothed. Stories that had me pushing against trans women’s lack of understanding, insecurity and anger. Nancy mirrored new energy—stories I was now allowing. Ease in my being. Allowing instead of pushing. Letting the Universe present me with what I want. Not pushing against what I don’t.

Both Janet and Nancy offered a chance to decide where I wanted to place my focus and which stories I wanted to foster. They invited me to ask myself: Do I want more of this (Nancy)? Or more of that (Janet)?

Not because one is good and the other is bad. But because the Universe will always give us what we focus on.

So I leaned into Nancy’s presence—her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore. And with that choice, I messaged Janet and let her know I was ending the correspondence. I told her why—not out of avoidance, or anger, but out of alignment. I explained that I was following what felt best, and honoring where my energy was now flowing.

Letting that go was a powerful, gentle release. It reminded me: Everyone is a divine being offering guidance—not always with praise or agreement, but always with clarity if we’re willing to see it. 

I leaned into Nancy’s presence — her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore.

Choosing Your Life

The Universe doesn’t waste energy. Every moment, every message, every person who shows up in our lives is exactly what we’ve summoned—not to test us, but to guide us.

Janet wasn’t a mistake. She wasn’t “negative.” She was a vibrational echo of the version of me who, not long ago, stopped writing for The Transamorous Network because I’d fallen into negative momentum. My old stories invited her critique. But I’ve shifted since then. I’ve tuned up. And that’s why Nancy came too.

One was contrast. The other, confirmation. Choosing our attention is choosing our life. The most important moment wasn’t when Janet criticized me. It wasn’t even when Nancy praised me. It was the moment I decided which direction to focus.

Was I going to spiral into defending myself to someone who didn’t want to hear me again? Or was I going to nurture the unfolding connection with someone who did? I chose Nancy. And that choice amplified my alignment even more. Then I also chose to lovingly release Janet from further correspondence — again, not out of anger, but because I no longer needed her reflection.

That’s how we move forward with grace.

For Trans Women and Trans-Attracted Men Alike

To my trans sisters: You are sovereign. You are radiant. And you don’t need to police how others love you in order to validate your womanhood. The men who love you aren’t broken. They’re becoming whole.

To the men: If you’re trans-attracted, and you’re still trying to figure out what that means—don’t try to figure it out alone. What you’re going through is not confusion. It’s a calling.

The Universe Never Misses. It never leads us astray. Janet and Nancy didn’t just show up by chance. They showed up because I asked for clarity. And the Universe answered with both: a reflection of where I’d been, and a glimpse of where I’m going. That’s how divine timing works. And that’s why I trust it more than anything.

Ready to experience this for yourself? If you’re ready to understand your desires—not through shame, but through soul—let’s talk. Schedule your free 1:1 session.

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Curious or Certain? The Truth About Trans-Attraction in Men

TL;DR: This post compares two clients—Cliff and Justin—to explore the real meaning of trans-attraction. Through their stories, the author reveals key vibrational differences and offers support for men ready to find clarity.

In a recent post, I introduced two men — Romero and Cliff — who believed they were trans-attracted. But closer exploration revealed something else. Romero was simply trying to find a better label than “gay.” Cliff, while deeply in love with his wife, found himself “curious.”

Both used trans experiences to better understand themselves — but neither fit the profile of a truly trans-attracted man. This week, I want to introduce someone who does. I’ll call him “Justin”. His story draws a clear line between trans-attraction and everything else.

When Curiosity Isn’t Curiosity—It’s Clarity

Justin came to me in the midst of a painful divorce. It wasn’t his first. In fact, he described a long trail of relationships—all with cis women—all ending in emotional wreckage.

From the outside, you might think Justin had “bad luck.” But like every client I’ve ever worked with, Justin wasn’t unlucky. He was vibrationally unaware. He carried unacknowledged beliefs about himself, women, relationships, and life. Beliefs he picked up during childhood. Beliefs that haunted him. And those beliefs made him a poor match for the kind of love he was idealizing.

Because yes—Justin is a romantic. He wants love. He believes in long-term relationships. But belief in romance alone won’t get you one. You have to be vibrationally aligned to receive that kind of experience.

Justin wasn’t. At least, not yet.

From Numbing to Awakening

Like many men going through a breakup, Justin turned to porn. In his case, trans porn. But trans content wasn’t new to him. He had been drawn to it—compulsively—since he was a teen. This time, though, it led somewhere different. It didn’t numb him. It woke him up.

That’s when he found The Transamorous Network. From our first conversation, it was clear: Justin wasn’t just “curious.” He wasn’t trying to reframe a kink and wasn’t escaping a label. He wasn’t using trans women to test something else. He was, in fact, done with cis women. He was done pretending he could go back. That’s because he felt a deep, soulful pull toward trans women — to the exclusion of cis women.

That’s the hallmark of real trans-attraction.

Sure, Justin still finds cis women attractive. But when he pictures a future partner, it’s always a trans woman. No contest. No confusion. And no toggling back and forth.

Cliff, on the other hand, still feels most connected to his wife. And that’s ok. His trans experiences opened curiosity — but not clarity. That’s the difference between trans attraction…and something else.

Why Justin’s Current Relationship Still Might Not Work

Like many men in the early stages of discovering their trans-attraction, Justin entered what I call the “tranny chaser” phase. It’s a real, early-stage experience. The attraction is so strong it becomes manic. Men in this phase often flood themselves with porn, escorts, and fantasies — believing it’s finally the love they’ve been missing. But more often than not, it’s another loop. A vibrational replay of the very same stories that haunted them in cis relationships — just now, with different bodies.

Justin is currently involved with a trans escort I’ll call Marge. She lives in Mexico. She’s beautiful. And she’s expensive. She’s also a perfect vibrational match for where Justin currently stands.

Marge struggles with substance abuse. Justin once did too. Marge avoids emotional transparency. Justin still wrestles with that. Marge is sexually compulsive. Justin knows that dance intimately. This relationship, like all relationships, is a mirror. A mirror that’s purposeful.

They’re together to show what each needs to see in themselves. That’s the point.

He Wants Romance. He’s Getting Reflection.

Justin believes he’s in love. He thinks this might be “the one.” And maybe, it could be. But only if he’s willing to do the real work. He must stop trying to “get” a trans woman… And start owning who he is, vibrationally. In that way he’ll clean up his stories and stabilize his momentum. In that way he’ll become a match to the kind of love he actually wants.

Until then, his relationships will keep showing him… himself.

You might see yourself in Justin. Maybe you’ve been married to a cis woman, and it’s not working. Maybe you’ve tried to suppress your attraction to trans women. Or maybe you’ve been binging porn or seeing escorts… and wondering what that says about you.

Or maybe you’re more like Cliff: Curious, unsure. Hoping, perhaps, to explore — but not ready to leave the life you have. Both paths are valid. But they’re not the same. And you owe it to yourself to find out where you really stand.

If you see yourself in Justin or Cliff — or somewhere in between — let’s talk. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to guess what it means. And you don’t have to keep spinning in a loop. Book a free private consultation with me. Clarity is the first step toward freedom.

And freedom… feels so much better. Visit The Transamorous Network and book your session today.

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Two Clients, One Lesson: Our Stories Are Everything

TL;DR: Two clients reveal how our stories shape reality. Their contrasting experiences show that alignment, not effort, creates desired outcomes—and that even contrast serves expansion on the path to joy. This is a post originally published on our Positively Focused blog

Two clients this week proved how powerful our stories are. Both clients are trans-attracted. Both are advanced clients.

The delicate dance between the two clients illustrates how our stories create reality. But they also show how deeply connected all of us are to each other. Further, what happened this week proves how each of us acts as both contrast AND as angels for one another, with both contrast and our angel-hood benefitting everyone involved.

I’ll clear up what I mean in a moment. When I’m done you’ll see the perfect co-creation of what happened between me, the two clients and their experiences.

To really understand what happened, though, let’s revisit what trans attraction is.

What is trans attraction?

Trans attraction is a classification of people who are attracted to transgender people. Typically, this attraction is exclusive. Much like homosexuals and lesbians, trans-attracted people tend to not find cisgender women or men attractive as potential relationship partners. They can appreciate beauty expressed in cisgender people, but their trans-attraction makes it challenging for trans-attracted people to enjoy relationships with such people.

That’s because they’re not here to do that. They’re here to enjoy leading-edge human experiences: expressing something other than heterosexuality. What’s more, such people, particularly trans-attracted men, are here to represent the completion or the fulfillment of what trans women desire: love and relationship.

The trouble with trans-attraction for most such men, however, is that it’s so not the norm. Almost always, trans-attracted men conclude their trans attraction means they’re gay. This is not the case.

But society’s dominant momentum on sexuality and gender, generally, and anything not conforming to the gender binary specifically, causes these men great discomfort. And the more value they place on others’ opinions over their own, the more such men struggle with an identity that is valid, wholesome and right, but against mainstream society’s grain.

So trans-attracted men are those who are strongly pulled to be in relationship with transgender women. The two clients in this story fit that classification perfectly.

There’s always more to expand into

Both men also struggled mightily with their stories about their self worth as trans-attracted men. One, who I’ll call Chris, struggled partly because, as a former Christian, his belief system told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was going to hell. The other, who I’ll call Seth, happens to be Jewish. He’s not concerned about hell.

But what caused Seth’s massive struggle were stories he created conflating a sexual exploration he had with his younger brother when he was nine, his discovery that he was trans attracted not much later, and his culture, which really, really puts a lot of weight on what others think.

Both men came to me wanting relief from these struggles. Both men have been clients about the same time. And, both men have made great progress in finding freedom to be who they authentically are.

As a result, both are living out loud their trans attraction. That’s a good thing. As with all expansion, however, there’s always more to expand into. And this is why I’m writing this. Because both men’s expansion came together in such an instructive and delightful way.

The set-up

Both Chris and Seth once believed it impossible to meet trans women who weren’t escorts or gold-diggers. They also believed it impossible to meet trans women who would be happy using their…uh…male appendages.

Ok, important note: many trans women are NOT happy doing that. But every desire we have is to be fulfilled. So if a man wants a trans woman who will be happy doing that, the Universe will fulfill that. That explains why there actually are trans women more than willing to use their male parts. And they’re not all escorts or gold-diggers either. Which brings me to what happened to set this experience up.

Seth has soothed his negative beliefs so much that, recently, he moved out of the Northeast and down to Austin. That’s a far more liberal location compared to where he came from. Austin enjoys a robust LGBTQ community. That’s despite being in Texas.

Still, it surprised Seth how easily he met trans women. And not just trans women, really pretty trans women! Old beliefs kept him doing things not necessarily in his best interest, however. Things like going to strip clubs and hiring escorts. But each time that happened, the outcome showed him why leaning in the direction of his trans attraction was better.

Reflecting beliefs to be soothed

Enough disappointment came from those encounters so that Seth gave up following through on such impulses. In doing so, he eventually started meeting higher quality trans women while just being himself, feeling good and putting himself out in the world.

That’s how I suggest everyone “find love”. But that’s another story.

Chris, for what it’s worth, isn’t at that point in his expansion. He still thinks trans women are hard to find. Particularly good looking ones. And, he doesn’t believe he’ll meet one by just “putting himself out there”. Because of those beliefs, he does what many people do who struggle finding a partner: he dates online.

Meanwhile, the really pretty girl Seth recently met is the kind of girl Chris thinks is rare. She’s trans, of course, and majoring in Math in college. Long story short, Seth and this girl ended up “sword fighting”, then in an open relationship: she has a boyfriend. But that boyfriend relationship rests on shaky ground. So she’s exploring her options. Seth is a great option!

Stepping stones

Meanwhile, Chris recently found several trans women online, some of which were more than willing to meet his specific desires. But in short order, these girls showed Chris exactly why I don’t recommend online dating. Oh, they were perfect matches. But not the people Chris could settle with.

Indeed, these women brought behaviors and characteristics reflecting beliefs Chris needs to clean up in himself so that he can attract better matches.

This explains why I call relationships stepping stones. A big plus of relationships is they reflect back to us our beliefs so we can do something about them and thereby find a more permanent happiness. Chris knew that. And he has cleaned up many beliefs. But some still persist. Like the one keeping him dating online.

Ok, back to Seth.

Deep shit

Seth’s relationship is doing the same thing Chris’ is. The same process holds for every relationship, and, every situation…all of reality actually. Life experience is a reflection. It reflects back to us what our dominant vibration is. The difference between Seth’s and Chris’ vibration is, Seth is meeting women more naturally. That’s because he believes that’s possible. So his experience is more delightful than Chris’. Chris is still trying to “make it happen” through a particular kind of doing: dating online.

That’s no fun.

Chris is still learning to let go. He still experiences impatience in his process, which explains why he’s working so hard at dating. It also explains why Chris ended up in what most people would call “deep shit.”

What happened was he shared full-body nudes with a trans woman online. His Broader Perspective warned him this particular person was not who Chris thought she was. Chris acknowledged this after the fact, after the “woman” turned out to be a scammer. A scammer who used that photo to try to blackmail Chris.

Long story story short, Chris ended up paying a security firm $5,000 to track and apprehend the scammer, who, wouldn’t you know it, lived in Nigeria.

The “gorgeous” trans woman

The good news is Chris didn’t amplify his troubles by focusing on them and lamenting or feeling regret. Rather, he did exactly what the I recommend: he found humor in the whole experience. He also acknowledged, as I said, warnings his Broader Perspective used to catch his attention. After this experience, I strongly encouraged him to stop dating online, but, because of his stories, he said he probably wouldn’t stop for a while.

I could tell though that I made an impression. The impression I made had him ready for the next step in this story. For that, we have to go back to Seth.

Exactly one day after my session with Chris, Seth texted me. The moment I read it, I knew a three-way manifestation was happening. A manifestation that included me, Chris and Seth. The night before, the text said, Seth met a “gorgeous” trans woman, got her number and planned to meet her later in the week.

Here’s how he described it:

And when I asked how that happened, I knew it would be a perfect story, an example for Chris showing how his life could go. Here’s what Seth texted:

The Charmed Life

After I shared this conversation with Chris, Chris said he appreciated it. I could tell though that he’s still somewhat stuck in his own belief momentum. He just can’t believe strongly enough that a situation like Seth’s can happen to him. How do I know? He’s still dating online.

Most clients, even in the advanced practice, wobble a bit in their conviction. I do too sometimes. It’s par for the course. After all, we’re human. Our physical reality often feels so “true”. So true it can be very, very hard to believe in a reality that, to our human eyes, doesn’t exist. Especially when our existing physical reality is so present, so now and contains something we don’t want.

But that’s the prescription for getting everything we do want.

We must look where what we want is. That often requires looking into nonphysical, seeing the vibrational version of our desire then holding that focus long enough. Long enough for our physical reality to reflect that focus back to us in the form of physical reality.

That’s simple to say. It’s not easy though. That’s why the practice is the practice. And, since we’re all eternal, it’s a practice we can master, but only for that moment of mastery. For, again, we’re always expanding. Which means we’re always expanding into areas demanding ever-increasing levels of mastery.

The good news is, we can enjoy that never-ending practice. It’s in that enjoyment that we discover the Charmed Life.

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Post-Transamorous: A New Journey Calls Me

Photo by Matt Halls on Unsplash

As I write this post, I’m thinking back to my past and my own journey on the “Chaser-to-Transamorous” path. It’s been quite a few years. I’ve written nearly 500 posts about trans-attraction and transamory. I’ve shared my journey of self-discovery and acceptance while offering advice, initially for trans-attracted men. But I gradually shifted that focus to trans women.

As I wrote in a recent post, many trans women and trans-attracted men expressed appreciation for what I’ve shared here over the years. As my own self-discovery included a path into deeper, esoteric spirituality, that knowledge found its way into The Transamorous Network content too. This included this blog, our podcast, our YouTube Channel and more. It’s been fun sharing my journey, offering advice to others and receiving positive support from readers.

Of course, I’ve also received messages from haters, mostly bigoted trans women suffering from self loathing, who projected their hate onto me. I appreciate those people too because those people had me focus even more on supporting the community with the material I offered. I knew those women’s comments had much more to say about them than they did my writing, my content or me as a person. And I knew what I offered could actually help them.

Fifteen years…at least

Speaking of me as a person, discovering my transamory alongside my spiritual origins has been an incredible journey. I remember when I first saw a trans woman. It was in the early 80s in Osaka, Japan. My girlfriend at the time thought it would be entertaining to take me to a Yakuza bar where all the “go-go” dancers were trans. Little did she know, or maybe she did know from a spiritual perspective, that introduction sparked a flame in me.

That flame grew into an adventure that, at first, I struggled valiantly to repress. I was in the Marines after all, before the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mandate. Being queer was a dischargeable offense. Still, my transamory wouldn’t be denied.

It took more than 15 years, I think, to embrace my queerness and my attraction to trans women. During that time I struggled, but always knew myself as the individual I am today. I knew I would make it through someday. And after making it, I decided to start The Transamorous Network to help others make it. Helping others has been rewarding.

And yet all adventures either come to an end, or they change.

Getting to know myself

My adventure taking the form of The Transamorous Network is about to come to an end. This is the last post. I’ll be focusing on my cisgender audiences going forward. Cisgender people comprise the majority of my clients these days. My experience with them shows them more open to moving along the spiritual path I offer. It feels wonderful seeing them resonate with results they produce through my guidance. So focusing on them is where I want to commit my energies. Doing so feels good and nothing matters more than feeling good.

As I close this chapter of my adventure, I’m reflecting on my own journey, one that began, like many men, with the thought that I was gay. Being on the DL all that time didn’t stop me from exploring. That exploration included having encounters with men. I wanted to find out if I was gay, or was there something else going on with me. At that time “trans-attracted” wasn’t a thing. At least I wasn’t aware of such a term.

So while I still dated cis women, I also explored with men and with trans women when the opportunity presented itself. These days, I’ve had enough experience with pretty much every gender to know what I like, what I’m attracted to and why. I approached this with the same zeal I approached getting to know my spiritual nature. That’s why I know myself as transamorous. Not a chaser. Not a fetishizer.

All things change…

What I find interesting as this chapter closes is my sexual practices have changed. To understand how, I want to tell a story of something that happened while I was still exploring.

Decades ago, I had a long-term affair with a guy named Bill. It lasted almost 20 years. He wasn’t at all good looking, but he had a giant dick I loved to suck and get fucked by. We were really good friends and that’s what the relationship emerged from: our friendship. He was a top and not interested at all in being a bottom. Not that I was encouraging that, I really loved his dick (and came to love him over time, romantically, interestingly enough).

Bill was a sex fiend and couldn’t get enough. I knew this about him and just assumed he was careful. I was shocked one evening though when he told me he had contracted HIV… Years later we reconnected after a rather messy end to our relationship triggered by my fear he put me at risk (I’m HIV-). During this reconnection, Bill shared, to my shock and awe, that he was now a bottom!

I’m sharing this because, recently, I’ve been contemplating my anal play and whether it really offers the sensual stimulation I enjoy so much, or is it instead more of a psychological thing….I’m coming to the point that it is way more the latter than the former. Especially after meeting Yuri and enjoying performing the traditional male role with her.

Post-transamorous and the next adventure

So I’m really close at the moment to declaring myself, no longer interested in being strictly a “bottom”. I find this interesting because I never thought that aspect of me would change. Even though I saw it happen with someone I knew very well.

I feel resolute about this change, in the same way Bill felt about his. It’s interesting contemplating how my life seems to be coming full circle. At least as far as my sexuality is concerned.

And perhaps this is the case with many men who find themselves attracted to trans women. Perhaps, at the end of the day, what we trans-attracted men are looking for is self understanding. And we discover that, as many people do: through the mirror inherent in all relationships.

I’ve had many relationships and have used them to chart my own journey to self-discovery, as, I’m sure, my partners did too. Along the way I’ve met some stellar people, both trans-attracted and transgender. This has been a great journey.

And the journey continues. But it no longer will focus on my wanting to convince the trans community that they are empowered, powerful, creative beings creating their reality as they move through life, and thus can enjoy a life where all they want is theirs. They are that, as is everyone else. Yet, it’s time for me to take the next step in my journey. That requires no longer trying to convince people who are not ready to hear this uplifting message.

So with that, I bid the trans community adieu. The next chapter of my adventure awaits. A chapter where I move beyond identifying as transamorous. I just am.

PS –

If you’re still interested in hearing from me, subscribe to my other blog Positively Focused, on WordPress, Medium, Tumblr and my Facebook Page by the same name. Across all these platforms, Positively Focus enjoys more that 15,000 followers.

The Transamorous Network will likely cease to exist within the next few months.

PPS –

One of the first transgender clients I served, has followed this blog pretty much from the beginning. Her response to this post is the perfect capstone. It’s an example, I know, of how many trans women have benefited from my writings. And so, I leave with her well-wishes: