Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi, I am a man. 26 years old and I like your show. I am a black cisgenderman and I am open to date genetic woman and transwoman.

I am also a french canadian so sorry if my message has a lot of mistakes. I have a question for you. I live in Montreal (canada), and it is not rare to see trans kids. I mean by that kid who start their transition before they become a teenager(for example at the age of 10). Do you consider these kids as transgender?

The reason I say that is because, if they transitionning as kids… they never really have the experience of a woman for example. From what I understand, when a person begins his transition as a child, This person is less likely to be bullied. The kids hang out with his females friends, everybody know her as a girl and her friend accept her. They are also more likely to have a boyfriend in high school and more likely to be a lot more confident about themself than a transwoman who transitioning later in her life.

The biggest challenge according to a report I saw, It is when they are teenager and begins to be a little less feminine (no breast, beard, man’s build etc). In my opinion, it is difficult to say that transkids are transgender

Thank you.

Franco

Hi Franco,

Thanks for your comment. Your question is a good one and we don’t have a real answer for it.

It seems it’s up to the child to identify themselves as trans (or not). We’re not big fans of labels anyway. In the future, far in the future, the label “transgender” will probably disappear along with, maybe, things like “male”, “female” and all the baggage that goes along with all that. Seems like that’s where we’re headed.

And when we get there, we think humanity will realize that it is all just part of being “human”.

Thanks for asking your question and being part of the conversation.

TTN

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Good afternoon, I’m really looking for some advice and I’ve stumbled across your site whilst searching. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and have just discovered his desire for trans women, lots of porn, messages to trans women telling her how she’s his dream woman etc etc. I’ve spoken openly to him about it but he says it’s nothing but attention. My head is all over the place and I’m just looking for some kind of advice. Me and my boys all adore him xx

Thank you.

Sienna

Hi Sienna,

Thanks for writing. Many men have a passing interest in trans women, more of a sexual interest spurred by porn fixation and algorithms (embedded in porn websites) which can “turn up the volume” on the titilation factor they offer. You can start watching straight porn, for example, and, over time find yourself watching all kinds of intense stuff!

So it can be nothing other than that. A passing interest.

However…you also say he has contacted trans women and had conversations? That might be a different thing.

You wrote in your comment that after speaking to your boyfriend about this he said it’s nothing but “attention”. Did he really say “attention”? Or is that a typo? If it is, what did he really say?

Before giving advice, we want to know where you are about this. Your head is all over the place, you say, but how do you feel about HIM? What do you want in a relationship? You’ve been with him for almost a year. We know that may feel like a lot of time, but really, it’s not. And how did you discover his desire? And how was the conversation in which you spoke openly to him? Was it calm? Were you angry? Was he?

Thanks for answering our questions. We can better assist after receiving your answers. 
TTN

Hello,

Thank you so much for replying to me. I first discovered a picture of him pleasuring himself sent to a trans woman, he had a drink and passed out leaving this picture very visible on his phone. When I questioned him he said he wasn’t aware it was a trans woman.

We separated, then had a chat and I thought everything was ok.

But then I then found a conversation via email between him and a trans woman. I can send everything I’ve found to you so you can see if you like? 

When I spoke to him I was very understanding. Having many gay, trans friends I’m quite an open easy person and I told him he should just be happy and if he wanted to be in a same sex relationship then I will understand and we can part ways.

He said his ex girlfriend set certain profiles up and he was being contacted and enjoyed the attention. He has said he has never engaged in sexual contact but has enjoyed watching porn etc and he doesn’t know why. But he wants to be with me and he will spend his life proving that. However the things I’ve seen has me really confused more than anything x 

Hi Sienna. You’re welcome. Thanks for the further details. We don’t need to see what you found. Thanks for the offer.

It’s good to hear you’re very understanding. That’s a great place to start. Just so you know, a “same sex relationship” is a confusing phrase enforced by science and common misperceptions. Because of that, that phrase can make it very hard for your boyfriend to honestly figure himself out. There’s lots to talk about there if you want to explore that more.

You two aren’t married but it sounds like you care for him a lot and that he cares for you. We have a client who knew he was trans attracted when he met who ultimately became his fiancé, then his wife. He knew he had strong attraction to trans women, but he didn’t tell his fiancé, then wife. Why didn’t he? Because he didn’t want to lose her.

Ten years later, he had to face his desires because the trans woman he was seeing outside his marriage outed him on social media.

The point of that brief story is, there’s no sure way for us to know what’s going on with your boyfriend. We’ve seen situations like these before, but that doesn’t mean this is that. But you know what’s going on with you and what you want. You also have a hunch, a sixth sense, an intuition that’s forming within you. We show our clients how to use that to get lives they love, including relationships that work.

We suggest you follow what you feel.

As much as you care about him and enjoy your relationship, you must choose what you want to do, then do that. You can stay with him and see where this goes with your eyes open as you now know something’s up. Or you can end it now.

But what’s the harm seeing where it goes? If you care about him and you mostly enjoy the relationship, is there a reason you must figure this out right this moment? Or can you relax and watch as your boyfriend grows?

You can enjoy your love for your boyfriend and at the same time help him come into clarity about who he is. In the process, you might learn some things about yourself.

TTN

Trans Attraction Is Shameless

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Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

There’s no shame in trans attraction until someone who is trans attracted believes their trans attraction is wrong.

Think about that. When a person feels attracted to a trans woman, there’s just the attraction…at first. But then thoughts come “seemingly out of nowhere”.

These thoughts get thought all the time by friends, loved ones, society in general, and one’s coworkers. So much so the trans attracted person starts thinking them too, well before meeting a trans person.

I sure did.

These thoughts get thought so often, they become beliefs: societal beliefs, cultural beliefs, “stereotypes”, memes, jokes…

These beliefs activate sometimes when a man feels attracted to a trans woman. No one deserves blame for such beliefs. It doesn’t matter who started them, or where they came from. When they activate they are “what is” for the person having them. They are his truth.

A million “truths” exist for every topic though, so just because a man activates a belief in him doesn’t make that belief “true”. Unless the man believes it is true. When he does, when he believes the belief, then shame shows up.

Shame tells a person the thought just thought isn’t true. My clients learn this pretty early in their sessions. But understanding how emotions like shame work takes time. Why does it take time? Because people aren’t clear about why they have emotions.

Once my clients relearn this, they find they can create any reality they want, including a reality where they live their trans attraction proudly. First though old beliefs must go away.

When that happens, fulfilling relationships are foregone conclusions.

Something else happens though when shame and embarrassment, triggered by beliefs or stories, disappear: a new set of beliefs show up, beliefs like this:

  • I see how I was “that guy” treating trans women like objects
  • I see how my behavior probably caused trans woman to feel fetishized
  • I get how I contributed to the “chaser” story

Then new thoughts show up:

  • I want to be more supportive of trans women
  • I want to do my part be an ally
  • I want to share who I am so other guys gain confidence too

When thoughts like that show up, I know my client made progress in their own journey towards transamory. When that happens the trans community (and the world) is better off because of it.

Being Transamorous And Loving Life

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Photo: Aiden Roof

“This stuff makes no sense,” A transgender client said. “It totally illogical. How do you know this stuff works?”

This client’s frustrated outburst is part of the path. In only six weeks their relationship transformed, they’re feeling more comfortable in their skin, feeling happier and more excited about life. They’re now pursuing dreams of becoming a well-paid musician by taking practical steps in that direction. Their life: better, their mood: more positive, their experience of life experience: more fun.

Why did such a question come up despite all this evidence?

In a word: momentum.

For a while it is a roller coaster

When clients first start working with The Transamorous Network, they get excited. They see evidence of their life getting better everywhere. The more they alter their stories and perspectives, the more evidence they see.

At some point though, old stories reassert themselves. These old stories are living things, like everything else. They enjoy life energy they get when a person focuses their way. When a person stops focusing on old stories, they sort of push back. They don’t want to lose attention they once got.

When they push back, clients feel the negative emotion that comes with that. Momentum ensues and, before you know it, they forget evidence they created that excited them just days ago.

This is normal. It’s also why it helps having someone who’s walked the path and knows what to expect. That’s where I come in.

How do I know all this stuff works?

I know this stuff works because it’s working in my life. I know it works because my desires are coming true all around me. I know this stuff works because I feel excited about this work, I feel excited about life, about living, about trans women dipping in and out of my life. I’m excited because life feels so freaking great…and that’s because of this work.

In their frustration, this client couldn’t understand how I have insight to All That Is. They couldn’t understand how I speak so confidently about how the Universe works, how it’s designed by us to deliver all we want, and that life is supposed to be a positive adventure. They couldn’t understand how I could know something “limited human consciousness can’t possibly know.”

I told him the reason they can’t understand it is because they’re not yet where I am. I told them human consciousness is only limited when the human believes their consciousness is limited. The reason why I speak with such confidence, I told them, is because I’ve changed my stories, and my reality broadened to include awareness of the nonphysical world.

I have a third degree black belt in nine different martial arts. It took me about five years to get to that level. I once trained others in these schools. When I did, I spoke with the same clarity and confidence about that material as I do about “stories create your reality and here’s how.”

Menkyo
My “Menkyo” certifying my 3 black belts in 9 martial arts schools.

In the martial arts field, what separates my opinion from an opinion of a white belt, someone who is just starting or someone who has now experience at all? Experience, practice, knowledge and wisdom that comes from five years of personal experience with the material, with guidance from a 15 degree blackbelt who’s been training in this material over 35 years.

The same is true with this work. While others focus their attention on perhaps finding love, raising families, building careers, wealth and material satisfaction, I’ve focused my attention on epistemology and ontology using empirical methods applied across a wide variety of “spiritual” fields. I’ve been doing this at least since I was six.

Walking the path makes me an expert

So I am clear. I speak with confidence and clarity in this field in the same way I do in martial arts: I know because I’ve walked this path so long, I just know it.

The cool thing is, anyone can do what I do. With diligence and focus, anyone can have a life they love filled with everything they want and then show others how to get that. It doesn’t matter if you’re transgender or trans-attracted. Life is meant to be lived happily. Do that and you’ll have a happy life. The question is, how do you “do that”?

That’s what I know and what I show my clients.

By the end of our time together, this client was back in their usual happy space born from doing the work for 12 weeks. They thanked me as my clients usually do: by telling me they love me.

I understand who and what people are. I relate to them from there. When I do, they feel that. When they feel that, they can’t help but express love for me. I’m loving them after all.

Frustration: that’s part of the path at first. Because I know this, I don’t let doubts about my credibility shake my confidence. I do the work, which is why I know what I know. And that’s why I can help people create lives they love.