Tag: Transgender

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi, I am a man. 26 years old and I like your show. I am a black cisgenderman and I am open to date genetic woman and transwoman.

I am also a french canadian so sorry if my message has a lot of mistakes. I have a question for you. I live in Montreal (canada), and it is not rare to see trans kids. I mean by that kid who start their transition before they become a teenager(for example at the age of 10). Do you consider these kids as transgender?

The reason I say that is because, if they transitionning as kids… they never really have the experience of a woman for example. From what I understand, when a person begins his transition as a child, This person is less likely to be bullied. The kids hang out with his females friends, everybody know her as a girl and her friend accept her. They are also more likely to have a boyfriend in high school and more likely to be a lot more confident about themself than a transwoman who transitioning later in her life.

The biggest challenge according to a report I saw, It is when they are teenager and begins to be a little less feminine (no breast, beard, man’s build etc). In my opinion, it is difficult to say that transkids are transgender

Thank you.

Franco

Hi Franco,

Thanks for your comment. Your question is a good one and we don’t have a real answer for it.

It seems it’s up to the child to identify themselves as trans (or not). We’re not big fans of labels anyway. In the future, far in the future, the label “transgender” will probably disappear along with, maybe, things like “male”, “female” and all the baggage that goes along with all that. Seems like that’s where we’re headed.

And when we get there, we think humanity will realize that it is all just part of being “human”.

Thanks for asking your question and being part of the conversation.

TTN

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

I confess that I’m a bit confused about how your service works. I am an older, respectful gentleman who has found that trans women have a strong personal appeal for a range of reasons. I live near NYC and hope to build a relationship, but can’t envision that any daily life instruction would assist me in meeting a prospective partner, but I’m open to hearing more.

Thank you.

Jeff

Hi Jeff,

What we offer is out of the norm. So people don’t understand what we offer because they are trying to understand it from comparing it to things they know….

We offer a way that connects you with your ideal partner, with no ambiguity or chance of failure. If you’ve read our blog or watched our shows, you know we talk a lot about “stories” – beliefs each person holds – and how those stories shape life experience. Inevitably people have stories that determine what they expect. What they expect then determines what happens in their life. 

If you examine the thoughts and beliefs of trans-attracted men and trans women, you’ll find many stories that make it hard for quality members of each group to find quality members of the other group. Instead, what usually happens is, matches that happen reflect beliefs each group has about the other.

For example, a transgender woman who believes no man will want to be with her and also harbors beliefs that make her feel insecure will only meet men who themselves are insecure and want her only for sex.

We work with our clients through weekly conversations to expose such stories . Then we show the client how to tell stories consistent with experiences they’re wanting to have. In that way, they become a “match” to those desired experiences. Including meeting their ideal match.

So we offer weekly instruction (not daily) wherein we show clients how to create experiences they want, including meeting ideal mates. That’s our “match-making” process.

Let us know if you have any questions Jeff.

TTN

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Trans And Trans-Attracted People Are World Leaders

A transgender woman shared words of wisdom I impart to my clients around the world. Her words tell what so many trans and trans-attracted people miss about themselves, their relationship to others and the world around them.

While talking about the future, why we met, how we met and more, Jennifer (not her real name) said the following:

Another way to see [life as it is now] is [as] the great split in humanity seeking toward transcendence. One side via spirituality and the other side via science and technology. One side more spiritual/consciousness based and the other more materialist based. They are both seeking… the same thing in many areas. Both profoundly human. In a way the materialist/technological is how the spirit is made flesh – how it is made manifest even to those that can’t see or even want to deal with the spiritual side at this time. I think the two great arms of human yearning/seeking complete and fulfill each other. I think that is one reason I am here – to point to why that is so and some hints as to how to do it. Another bridging.

Just before writing this post I shared similar, destiny-type guidance to a client struggling between their desire to express their non-binary, GenderFuck nature, and stories about their desire that turn their desire into a fetish – something perverse, taboo and scary.

I had a lot to say:

Every trans person (and trans-attracted person) comes into the world with specific, core desires. Every one of these should conjure joy, ecstasy and well-being. Unlike my clients, many don’t get the joy, ecstasy and well-being of their desires.

Instead, they get anguish, frustration, confusion, shame and embarrassment. They get stuck in disempowering stories. Then those stories create realities consistent with themselves. Before they know it, their lives suck.

Since they don’t know what I share with my clients, these people think their reality is objectively real, separate and from themselves. They don’t know they create their reality.

So they point to their reality and blame it for how they feel, not knowing how they feel points to real culprit: their stories.

Jennifer stands out from this crowd. She mostly gets who she is. She’s moving in directions that will change lives for the better, by putting herself out there in the world as the person she knew she came into the world to express. That doesn’t make Jennifer perfect. But it does make her aware of something powerful: her ability to impact the world.

My client sees that opportunity too. Showing them that ecstasy they feel when they feel their breasts growing, or when they put on a dress tells them they are on their path.

All they have to do now is trust their feelings and keep moving forward. Then they will see what’s available to all trans and trans-attracted people: a life of continually increasing joy and….realization that they improve the world in their own unique way by being their authentic selves.

The world benefits with them in the world, just as it benefits with you in the world.

Live your authentic life, change the world. How? Tell stories consistent with your joy. Then watch what happens.

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Good afternoon, I’m really looking for some advice and I’ve stumbled across your site whilst searching. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and have just discovered his desire for trans women, lots of porn, messages to trans women telling her how she’s his dream woman etc etc. I’ve spoken openly to him about it but he says it’s nothing but attention. My head is all over the place and I’m just looking for some kind of advice. Me and my boys all adore him xx

Thank you.

Sienna

Hi Sienna,

Thanks for writing. Many men have a passing interest in trans women, more of a sexual interest spurred by porn fixation and algorithms (embedded in porn websites) which can “turn up the volume” on the titilation factor they offer. You can start watching straight porn, for example, and, over time find yourself watching all kinds of intense stuff!

So it can be nothing other than that. A passing interest.

However…you also say he has contacted trans women and had conversations? That might be a different thing.

You wrote in your comment that after speaking to your boyfriend about this he said it’s nothing but “attention”. Did he really say “attention”? Or is that a typo? If it is, what did he really say?

Before giving advice, we want to know where you are about this. Your head is all over the place, you say, but how do you feel about HIM? What do you want in a relationship? You’ve been with him for almost a year. We know that may feel like a lot of time, but really, it’s not. And how did you discover his desire? And how was the conversation in which you spoke openly to him? Was it calm? Were you angry? Was he?

Thanks for answering our questions. We can better assist after receiving your answers. 
TTN

Hello,

Thank you so much for replying to me. I first discovered a picture of him pleasuring himself sent to a trans woman, he had a drink and passed out leaving this picture very visible on his phone. When I questioned him he said he wasn’t aware it was a trans woman.

We separated, then had a chat and I thought everything was ok.

But then I then found a conversation via email between him and a trans woman. I can send everything I’ve found to you so you can see if you like? 

When I spoke to him I was very understanding. Having many gay, trans friends I’m quite an open easy person and I told him he should just be happy and if he wanted to be in a same sex relationship then I will understand and we can part ways.

He said his ex girlfriend set certain profiles up and he was being contacted and enjoyed the attention. He has said he has never engaged in sexual contact but has enjoyed watching porn etc and he doesn’t know why. But he wants to be with me and he will spend his life proving that. However the things I’ve seen has me really confused more than anything x 

Hi Sienna. You’re welcome. Thanks for the further details. We don’t need to see what you found. Thanks for the offer.

It’s good to hear you’re very understanding. That’s a great place to start. Just so you know, a “same sex relationship” is a confusing phrase enforced by science and common misperceptions. Because of that, that phrase can make it very hard for your boyfriend to honestly figure himself out. There’s lots to talk about there if you want to explore that more.

You two aren’t married but it sounds like you care for him a lot and that he cares for you. We have a client who knew he was trans attracted when he met who ultimately became his fiancé, then his wife. He knew he had strong attraction to trans women, but he didn’t tell his fiancé, then wife. Why didn’t he? Because he didn’t want to lose her.

Ten years later, he had to face his desires because the trans woman he was seeing outside his marriage outed him on social media.

The point of that brief story is, there’s no sure way for us to know what’s going on with your boyfriend. We’ve seen situations like these before, but that doesn’t mean this is that. But you know what’s going on with you and what you want. You also have a hunch, a sixth sense, an intuition that’s forming within you. We show our clients how to use that to get lives they love, including relationships that work.

We suggest you follow what you feel.

As much as you care about him and enjoy your relationship, you must choose what you want to do, then do that. You can stay with him and see where this goes with your eyes open as you now know something’s up. Or you can end it now.

But what’s the harm seeing where it goes? If you care about him and you mostly enjoy the relationship, is there a reason you must figure this out right this moment? Or can you relax and watch as your boyfriend grows?

You can enjoy your love for your boyfriend and at the same time help him come into clarity about who he is. In the process, you might learn some things about yourself.

TTN

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Trans Attraction Is Shameless

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Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

There’s no shame in trans attraction until someone who is trans attracted believes their trans attraction is wrong.

Think about that. When a person feels attracted to a trans woman, there’s just the attraction…at first. But then thoughts come “seemingly out of nowhere”.

These thoughts get thought all the time by friends, loved ones, society in general, and one’s coworkers. So much so the trans attracted person starts thinking them too, well before meeting a trans person.

I sure did.

These thoughts get thought so often, they become beliefs: societal beliefs, cultural beliefs, “stereotypes”, memes, jokes…

These beliefs activate sometimes when a man feels attracted to a trans woman. No one deserves blame for such beliefs. It doesn’t matter who started them, or where they came from. When they activate they are “what is” for the person having them. They are his truth.

A million “truths” exist for every topic though, so just because a man activates a belief in him doesn’t make that belief “true”. Unless the man believes it is true. When he does, when he believes the belief, then shame shows up.

Shame tells a person the thought just thought isn’t true. My clients learn this pretty early in their sessions. But understanding how emotions like shame work takes time. Why does it take time? Because people aren’t clear about why they have emotions.

Once my clients relearn this, they find they can create any reality they want, including a reality where they live their trans attraction proudly. First though old beliefs must go away.

When that happens, fulfilling relationships are foregone conclusions.

Something else happens though when shame and embarrassment, triggered by beliefs or stories, disappear: a new set of beliefs show up, beliefs like this:

  • I see how I was “that guy” treating trans women like objects
  • I see how my behavior probably caused trans woman to feel fetishized
  • I get how I contributed to the “chaser” story

Then new thoughts show up:

  • I want to be more supportive of trans women
  • I want to do my part be an ally
  • I want to share who I am so other guys gain confidence too

When thoughts like that show up, I know my client made progress in their own journey towards transamory. When that happens the trans community (and the world) is better off because of it.