Why A Passable Trans Girl Might Not Make You Happy

Let’s face it: not every transgender woman is passable. But that needn’t pose problems for trans women or trans-attracted men. In fact, it can be the best thing ever for both parties, if both parties get over stories blocking the best relationship ever. At The Transamorous Network we show people how to get over those stories.

Tiffany sure gets it. She’s a Transamorous Network client and last week we concluded in a recent 1:1 session of hers that trans-attracted men and trans women both struggle over many common stories. Stories about trans-attracted men, masculinity, femininity, passing, topping and desires both transgender women and trans-attracted men share.

For example, it seems some trans-attracted men want what some trans women don’t want. Is that true? Or is there more to the story?

We enjoyed exploring those and many other answers. Sharing them might open some minds so we included takes in a shortened session video.

Trans-attracted men – lets get real

Take note my brothers. If you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, you’re right. Such beliefs keep you from getting what you want.

In other words, if you believe you can’t find a trans woman who will be with you, then what you want, and what you believe conflict. That conflict leaves you stuck in perpetual frustration.

The way out involves finding harmony between what you believe and what you want.

The trouble is, most trans-attracted men won’t reconcile what they want and what they believe. So they struggle…alone.

Bro, if you want that beautiful transgender woman, you gotta reconcile your resistance and your desire. There are plenty of trans women out there who will give you exactly what you want. Mainly because they enjoy it too.

Trans-attracted men don’t want what they want.

But if you think you’re going to find a super-passable trans woman, who also will top you with their penis…if they got one…good luck with that. We explain why in the video above.

Getting what you want is impossible if you’re looking for something that contradicts what you believe. Yet so many men do exactly that. They look for something in total contradiction with what they believe. Then complain when they can’t find what they want.

The trans woman you want is not going to be one waging chemical warfare on their testosterone. Not if you want her topping you. And most really passable trans women get that way by blocking hormones responsible for topping behavior.

The good news: you can get what you want in love and get it through a trans girl. But you must be willing to give up something: either your desire…or your belief.

Love What You Have, Get What You Want

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.

Dear The Transamorous Network

Hi, very happy to have found you and all your blogs.

I have been trans attracted for as long as I can remember back into my early teens. I can remember the first time I saw a picture in a magazine revealling a very attractive trans woman before the internet existed so I am thinking for me it is baked in.

My thought on the subject of “tranny chaser” is that it is no different than any other baked in desire for me personally. I work with guys who will drop everything including their jaw when a large butt wanders by, I have a friend who requires nothing more than a large pair of breasts and a pulse. I like legs.

A trans woman with great legs is a huge plus and they are quite common. I am married and have been for decades, pretty happy, she has great legs and large breasts. The breasts are nice but down on the list for me behind a great personality and loyalty, honesty etc. The fact that the trans women I have met and dated in the past had a penis was definitely a plus but a penis is quite common and I have one that I enjoy, so it has to be more than that for me.

Looks are always going to be the first selling point but having dated great looking women and trans women in the past that had unattractive personalities I can state that for me there needs to be more. I discovered that with the right trans woman a true and honest date and meaningful conversation can really bring out the best in a jaded person.

Getting to second base has always been after the personality shows up and it is one I can enjoy. I have noticed that even though the trans women I have known well have all had regular everyday office jobs or as a nurse in one instance and that they have a lot to offer in the work place and in a relationship.

To be trans is a decision that is not an option, it is also baked in and the problems and speed bumps that are attached to the lifestyle make for a solutions oriented, problem solving, person that has to battle adversity, usually alone.

I am thankful to have had the opportunity to have met some very cool trans women and cis women. Luckily for me because personality is high on my requirements, age, height, background, race, wealth, blonde, brunette matter very little.

Everything is negotiable in my head. I have some things I find unattractive, smoking, lazyness, lack of independence, but not deal breakers I have discovered. So having said all that, am I still a “tranny chaser”?

I would think, no. I think I like women and a woman with a penis is not a problem. I very much like to find what makes a womens engine rev hard and knowing what makes a penis and a prostate work can very much work in my favor.

Cis women seem to be a bit reserved sexually in my experience, not so much with trans women who know what they want.

Turns out males have no attraction for me, not even slightly as I can attest to having been subjected to gay sex on TV lately. Not a flicker of anything. I like women, lucky for me. Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck for me it is a duck. Thank you for being there for us trans amourous guys.

Kyle

Hey Kyle,

Well that was a fun read!

We’re happy you found us too. What a fun perspective you have, open, thoughtful, considered. It’s so fun seeing men like yourself writing us and, in doing so affirming (both for transgender women and trans-attracted people) the validity of being trans-attracted, having genital preferences, body preferences, boob preferences, leg preferences, women, men, tall, short…preferences. Preferences aren’t just good, they’re great!

The only reason a trans woman labels a man a “chaser” is from their own frustration, bitterness and self-loathing combined with not getting what they want. The problem is the woman throwing that word around doesn’t know she’s setting herself up to be bitter and alone…or faced with compromising what she really wants for something less than that. Meanwhile “chasers” are getting what they want!

Everyone can get what they want. The world is big enough, the trans community is big enough. The question is: is any given individual’s stories big enough to include what they want?

For most, it’s obvious, isn’t it?

We encourage people tell stories only about what they want, then watch what happens. We like your comment because it’s a direct response to what we want: more men loving themselves.

Well done!

Why Transgender And Trans-Attracted Love Is Powerful

We’ve said over and over that transgender woman and trans-attracted men potentially change the world for the better. We’ve also said how each transgender woman is special and mentioned the special role they play.

It’s likely no surprise to some transgender women that this is so. After all, early civilizations venerated trans people, saw them as more than ordinary humans and treated them as such.

But looking at how transgender women carry themselves in the world today, how they think about themselves, how they think about men who find them attractive, you’d think (mostly correctly) that many transgender women today don’t venerate themselves.

We created The Transamorous Network to help change that.

You don’t get it…until you do

It took our podcast co-host Remy a single tea date and reading our guides to get who she was. Two years later, she changed her life. She went from believing all men are scum to living her life powerfully, including drawing to her a man who moved across the country to marry her.

Today, more than two years later, they’re still married.

In the seed of every transgender woman a powerful, world-changing being lurks. Same is so for trans-attracted men.

But feeling shameful or insecure about being different or fearing what others think about your difference generates experiences counter to who transgender women and trans-attracted men really are. So too when trans women try extracting positive compliments from others, such as “passable/not passable?” or “fuckable/not fuckable?”

Such playful-seeming actions on the part of transgender women mask insecurity. No one who loves themselves cares about what others think about them.

Recently, Tiffany, a Transamorous Network 1:1 client asked about this “specialness”. She wanted more about how transgender women, and by extension, trans-attracted men, are special, world changers, here to help humanity become more and better by themselves living their authenticity.

Here’s how that conversation went.

Words shared in this conversation mean little. But when life shows a transgender woman or a trans-attracted man these word’s accuracy, then the person hearing them, and experiencing life consistent with them, becomes absolutely convinced they are world-leaders here for a big purpose.

And along with that purpose comes the potential to fulfill every desire.

Positive stories will prove life convincing

But unless a transgender woman or trans-attracted man has personal experiences in their own lives like Transamorous Network clients, or like Remy has had, it’s hard to believe.

It’s only hard to believe because each person creates reality consistent with stories they tell. If, for example, a transgender woman believes they aren’t worthy of being loved by a man, or if a man believes he can’t find a trans woman who will love him for who he is…then both create realities consistent with those beliefs.

A transgender woman on Facebook complaining via her negative stories about men (and another transgender woman endorsing this story). It’s no wonder she struggles finding a man. The stories she tells aren’t consistent with what she wants.

Standing in those realities, I get why transgender women complain, bicker, call all men fetishizers, closeted gays or worse. I also understand why men seeking transgender women call the objects of their affection skeezers, gold-diggers, drama queens or worse.

Such labels spring from knee-jerk reactions indicating displeasure with realities each person is creating. The problem though is a person can’t change a reality they’re constantly complaining about.

It’s easy to get what you want

Getting what you want is supposed to be effortless, fun and guaranteed. Who stands between you and getting what you want? No one but you. So getting what you want is as easy as getting out of your own way and letting it happen.

It’s the “letting it happen” that’s hard. Most people aren’t willing to do that. Most want to “make it happen”, which is why so many people are dating online. They don’t believe life can lead them directly to their lover, so they get in there and try to do it.

Or they’re too impatient. They tell stories about running out of time, being too old, or worse – that they are beyond an age where they’re still attractive.

That’s why so many relationships suck. People push against what should be easy, thus making it really hard.

Letting it happen doesn’t mean sitting on your ass and waiting for that man or woman to come to you, although some waiting is required. Letting it happens means learning how “letting it happen” works, then stepping into one’s power, and using levers everyone comes equipped with to create a reality of one’s choosing.

Then everything happens in magical ways. Only it’s not magic.

Transgender women and trans-attracted men are on the forward edge of what it is to be human. It sucks being trans or trans-attracted when you don’t know that, and don’t own it.

Own it though and the world becomes your oyster.

Transgender and Trans-Attracted: This Creates Better Futures

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

As Transamorous Network clients get how important their stories are, they also learn something crucial for living amazing lives: how to identify intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are ideas popping up seeming unbidden. They are intuitions which, if followed, lead to everything someone wants.

But if a person doesn’t know how to tune themselves to intrusive thoughts, or they don’t understand where intrusive thoughts come from, life can get pretty crazy, including dating life. That crazy is where “drama” in relationships comes from.

Here’s how to put a stop to that and meet the guy or transgender woman you want.

Intrusive thoughts come from somewhere

Where intrusive thoughts come from is important, because if you don’t know where they’re coming from and you follow them, they could create experiences you don’t want, including drama.

Everyone creates their reality. Most people get a little of what they want and a lot of what they don’t. That’s because they don’t understand what you’re reading.

For example, a trans-attracted man who feels shame about his trans attraction will encounter realities in which the only transgender women he meets match his shame.

They (the transgender women) will be users, or they’ll consider him shady or a “chaser”. They themselves will be insecure and shame-filled (i.e. feeling unworthy) thereby perfectly matching the man’s feelings about himself.

In this humorous clip, a transgender woman gets an earful in her session as we talk (for the first time) about intrusive thoughts. It’s worth listening to because she gets several insights at once, all in less than five minutes.

Everyone is a match

This is why I’m not so interested in meeting transgender women right now. Because while I’m far beyond soothing negative stories that create shame, I want far more in my relationship than an average experience.

I want an extraordinary experience. Having that means I must be a match to it. I must, in other words, become extraordinary myself.

Everyone showing up in our lives matches stories we’re telling ourselves. Those stories determine what impulses, what intrusive thoughts come into our awareness. Our emotions help us know whether to follow an intrusive thought or not. So knowing how one feels is really important.

I know two things tell me how my life is going: what shows up in life now and how I feel.

Paying attention to that helps me understand what intrusive thoughts are coming and whether or not I want to follow them. Following those consistent with my positive stories is creating an increasingly amazing life.

It can work that way for you too.

Transgender or Trans-attracted: Life Can Work So That It’s Easy

Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash

Frustration sometimes happens when I think I’m not getting what I want. It’s frustrating only because I’m telling myself a false story: that I’m not getting what I want.  I know many transgender women and trans-attracted men feel similarly.

But that’s not how reality gets created. I create reality by my attention, not by what I want. So to get what I want, I must put my attention on that.

Or, I can focus on what it feels like having what I want – even when I don’t have it – and through putting attention there, gradually tune my stories to what I want. Doing that I see what I want coming easily.

Proof tells me it’s working

Many things happened showing this working. More clients showing up, publishing deals happening, money coming into my life without me having to do anything to get it, and, yes, trans women showing up too.

I’m wanting my ideal match though, so focusing on becoming more of a match to her – that’s my primary focus as far as relationships go.

Some wonder why I don’t have a partner. Since I say this work works, shouldn’t I be in a relationship?

The answer is: I’m not in a hurry. Fine tuning my life, my way of being and my stories so I match my perfect partner – that’s my goal. Not just being in a relationship. Besides, so much fun in my life happens these days, I don’t miss her.

Power lies in that perspective. Why is that?

Because in not missing her, I’m not telling stories focusing on her absence. Knowing that makes a huge difference.

Moving through to love, joy fun

In knowing that, when moments of frustration or impatience arrive, I realize frustration and impatience helps me get what I want. They tell me where I’m putting my attention. Not knowing that, I keep getting what’s frustrating me.

Trans-attracted men suffer from frustration, impatience and sometimes even anger over not getting what they want all the time. The way out is recognizing what those emotions say, then doing something about it.

Do that, and love, joy, fun, happiness – everything we’re wanting – comes easily. And when we’re matches to love, joy, fun and happiness, then the lover we want – who also is loving, joyful and happy – must come too.

That’s how life works.