Tag: transamorous

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What is love?

What is loveOn this Valentines Day, it’s a timely opportunity to explore Love. What is that?

Is it weak knees, fluttering heart, goo-goo eye stares, candies and dinners? Is it an expression? Is it “love” when someone does something for you, something you want them to do, or expect them to do? Or is it “love” when sweet nothings the focus of your affection talks “sweet nothings”? Or is it that feeling you have just after sex with someone you deeply care about?

If these experiences, objects and responses to others’ actions is love, then why does it so quickly turn to frustration, anger, rage, hate, annoyance, bother, impatience, jealousy, obsessiveness, fear, intimidation and more?

Love is none of these. Love is not something you feel for another. Love is an advanced stage indicator that comes with practice. Love, the kind I believe in, is a feeling a person has about him or herself, that indicates something. In the sign, that person’s reality changes, or rather, the negative stories that person uses to create reality falls away, revealing a reality consistent with that person’s dreams and desires, including a relationship that works, families who love them, and joy, joy joy.

Period.

Love comes when you choose to stand in awe of your own invulnerability, the place where you create your stories which create your reality. It’s a joyful, inviolable response you can feel. Love doesn’t turn into other emotions.  It stands on its own.

Sometimes you have to choose continuously, second-by-second even. Especially in the face of realities your negative stories create. Over time, however, you create a permanency. You stand there in love. And all is right.

The former love –that stuff people do in your reality that makes you love them – that love needs people behaving a certain way. That love is not dependable. The latter love endures, as it needs nothing: in it you already have everything.

Love is a practice. Love is a gift: to yourself. Not your partner, or your relationship.  Here in The Transamorous Network you’re going to learn how to create your reality deliberately and not like a loose cannon. You’ll take back control over your life.

When you do, you’ll stand in your invincibility. Guaranteed.

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A taste of nostalgia

Network Video Channel Flowers

 

https://youtu.be/18GfEsilmVQ

(Transamorous Network Video Channel)  A while ago, in 2011, I created this video expressing my feelings for Transwomen. I had it unlisted on my personal YouTube Channel. I’m going to re-record a similar video. In the meantime, enjoy this bit of nostalgia.

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School’s in session

Transamorous Network Video Channel Logo

(Transamorous Network Video Channel) Transwomen are taking it upon themselves to school us guys. And it’s not all good! Listen. Just because a transwoman (or a cis-woman for that matter) is giving advice, doesn’t meant that advice is going to work for you! The advice this woman is giving is great – from her perspective.  She is telling you what she wants to see in your behavior, not what you need to know to succeed in finding your transpartner.

For example, she suggests that persistence is key.  Persistence at what?  What if you don’t have any transwomen in your area?  What if you believe you can’t meet a transwoman?  Even if you know of a transwoman, how can you be sure being persistent will pay off?  What if she’s not attracted to you?  Then you’re just being a dick.  What if you’re not the kind of guy for whom persistence is inauthentic?  Will being “persistent,” presuming you could muster, “persistence” pay off?

Not if persistence is not in your nature. You see, there are more factors at play, more powerful factors at work than you simply being persistent.

This lovely woman is doing her best to offer good advice.  I applaud her desire to help us transamorous guys out.  I also love her sense of humor.  She’s right, there are so many transwomen out there who believe “good guys” don’t exist, that you’d think they don’t. But I know they do.  I know the transwomen who believe they don’t exist only believe that because their beliefs tell them so.  Use this advice to your frustration.

There is a better way to meet not only transwomen, but the transwoman of your dreams, the transwoman who is looking for you. After all, following this advice, how do you know the woman you gave your number to is even be attracted to you!  Such random acts of dating are so 1900s…

No, you don’t have to join a dating site.  No, you don’t have to frequent any bars.  All you have to do is be your authentic self, understand some basic principles I guarantee you are not now familiar with, apply some determination in changing the way you interact with your word and you will naturally, easily meet the transgender woman who is your perfect match. Guaranteed.

And you’ll have fun doing it.  I know because what I’m suggesting here is working for a lot of different people.

I’m sure transwomen like the beautiful Raven are well-intentioned giving their advice. But advice is like opinions and opinions are like ass holes: everyone has one and nearly all of them say more about the person who owns it, than it says about reality.

Let me help you.

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On Hari Nef

I found out about Hari Nef on Pinterest, where I have a board dedicated to my desire to find my transgender partner. Today I just saw her on Transparent, the Amazon series about an older transwoman, who makes her decision towards achieving freedom and happiness. Anyway, Hari looks fantastic on the show – remember, this is fantasy, it’s not life – and the show, this season seems (at least in the first couple episodes) to take it to another level from the stupendous start it had over a year ago.

I also caught cameos of other transgender notables. You think Hari is pretty? I do. But talking about how beautiful some transgender women are is not what this post is about, nor is this website or any other property of Transamorous Network dot com.

What this is bout the state of the nation…the transnation as I see it. Hari is just one more of a list of notable figures bound to emerge on society’s main stage as transpeople make their way to the mainstream. Meanwhile, many transgender women are living their ordinary lives far from stardom, experiencing their own lives, lives far from the fantasy we see in the media. There are plenty people talking about the challenges of being trans. I don’t lean that direction as I believe there is a divine plan in place which every transperson and transamorous person participates.

What is this “plan”?

There is a shift taking place right before our eyes. While Hari is at one end, there is a lagging, yet no less powerful other end emerging. That end is the rise of guys who aren’t going to shirk from their love of transwomen. The number of guys “out” about it is still miniscule. But that’s going to change. In the meantime, transwomen are going to find, more and more, refreshing changes in their environment as people like you, assuming you’re a transamorous male, begin to accept the natural part of you that you’ve been hiding or running from or avoiding.

Maybe this post will do the trick. Maybe it will be the videos on the way, or the Man’s Guide to Finding Your Transgender Partner (due out in a few weeks). Or something I haven’t even begun to create. But the state of the (trans)nation needs you man. It needs you, not your partial self you are being when you hide from your social circle this dramatically important part of who you are.

Hari Neff is hot. But you’re hotter. Because unlike Hari, your romantic attraction to transgender women can turn the life of a transgender woman on its head.

 

Photo credit: Hari Nef (Instagram)

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What is transamorous?

Blog 3 photoI didn’t know the word hadn’t been created when I first used it in speaking to my wife about creating The Transamorous Network. I thought it was mainstream.

Nope.

Turns out Piper’s Tumblr account was the first place it was coined, way back at the beginning of 2013 (lol). Maybe there are earlier records, but I’m not taking time to find out. This isn’t a journalist’s blog and I’m no researcher.

Transamory, transamorous, is the coined expression describing being romantically and/or sexually attracted to transgender people. That means a guy like you (presuming you’re a guy reading this and you fit that description).

I love the term. It totally fits me and I’m proud to claim it. I’ve been claiming the idea behind it for a long time. I’m out about it and don’t care about those who may have a problem with it. Although I’ll gladly interact with a close-minded person in order to free it (their mind that is).

So what does it mean to be transamorous? It means, to me, finding transwomen fantastically, irresistibly attractive and desiring to have a romantic relationship with such a person. For me it doesn’t so much equal being sexually attracted exclusive of everything else, although sexual attraction is part of the deal. Primarily for me transamory is about the “amor” – the love. The desire to love and adore a person (in this case obviously a transwoman) in a relationship where two grow to know each other more than they know anyone else.

Transamory should be distinguished from mere sexual attraction because of this. It’s more than objectifying transpeople, be they transmen or transwomen. In my opinion, you can’t love someone if you don’t know them. And you can’t know them unless you spend time with them. A lot of time. And you can’t spend time with them unless you have some things in common. So claiming to love someone just because they’re trans falls short.

In my opinion.