transamorous men - The Transamorous Network

May 19, 2020September 8, 2020

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Hi,

I for most of my life have lived and thought of myself as a straight man. Now though I feel I am also attracted to trans women pre and post SRS. I prefer women but I’m also attracted to trans women. I am from India and we have this under a taboo subject line. So I haven’t told anybody yet. I just want to understand my sexuality better. I have only felt sexual attraction to trans women yet, maybe because I don’t know any trans women. If you were familiar with India, you would probably know that here transsexuals don’t really live with everyone else as a community. They are sent or left with other transsexuals and don’t really come in contact with the rest of the society generally. I hope you’ll understand my confusion and help me understand my sexuality. I accepted it quite some time ago. The first time I felt it, I was scared but soon I realised it’s who I am, and accepted it.

Kumar K.

Hi Kumar,

That you are writing us indicates your willingness to want to understand more of what and who you are. Congratulations! Yes, we’re very familiar with how Indian society regards Hijira. Here are some things to consider, based on what you wrote:

Regarding your sexual orientation: It doesn’t matter if you’re bi or straight….or even gay really. Although “totally” gay men aren’t usually attracted to transgender women because gay men are attracted to men. However, we have had both gay men and gay women (lesbians) contact us asking for help with their attraction to trans men and trans women. The point is, whether you’re “straight” or not doesn’t matter.

That said, some transgender women who aren’t fully secure in who they are, avoid men who are bi or otherwise not “straight”. That’s because some transgender women feel insecure about themselves. They feel insecure because they tell stories that conjure insecurity. Rather than changing their stories, finding their invincibility then dating from there, they try soothing their insecurity through validation from prospective partners.

So a “totally straight” man is usually what they are looking for because a “totally straight” man will validate that they are women. A guy who is somewhere in the middle, i.e. not so straight, will trigger their stories and thus their insecurity.

The problem with insecurity-producing stories is they match the story teller with people who are themselves insecure. This is why so many trans women complain about DL men: they meet so many DL men because DL men are insecure and thus match the women’s insecurity.

Everyone always meets their match. If you’re insecure, you’re going to meet insecure people when dating.

That said, there are lots of transgender people who are secure in their self-awareness, their stories and beliefs and choose partners from there. Such trans women are open to men who are not totally straight because the men’s non-straightness doesn’t threaten the women.

Your orientation is not that important relative to your attraction. But your stories about your orientation create circumstances consistent with them. You just want to be aware of that.

A “straight man” is always attracted to attractive transgender women…until they find out the woman is trans. This is because the idea of a “transgender” person threatens their insecurity (their negative stories about themselves) as a straight man, in the same way a bi male might threaten the insecurity of a transgender woman. Is this making sense to you?

So a straight man is usually at the very least intrigued….when they meet an attractive transgender woman. A secure straight man would not be reviled by the presences of a transgender woman, for example.

On your preferences: Good for you. As you come more into owning who and what you are, you may refine your preferences. But for now, it’s totally ok to have the preferences you have.

On taboos: One of the reasons you chose to be born in India is to explore your sense of self-identity juxtaposed against a society which is very strict about how one thinks about one’s self compared to others. You also are there to “shake things up”. This is, generally, what all trans-attracted men came to do. Same with transgender women.

You came into the world appreciating the marvelous diversity of life. The more you are secure with who you are, you give room for others to do the same. If you think about this regarding the women you now accept being attracted to, you offer them a great gift: proof through your sincere, honest and transparent attraction to them that they are worthy of being. And of being loved. That’s huge.

It’s a fascinating journey Kumar. One that has lots of wondrous experiences in store for you.

TTN

Hi again,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it and would like to answer that yes I understand what you are saying. If I am being completely honest with you I would say I prefer women. I always have and it’s natural to me. But I also find trans women attractive as I already said in my last email. I don’t really care if they are pre SRS, I am still attracted to them. Because post SRS they are basically women. They don’t need to explain themselves to anyone. I won’t so much say that I am attracted to men, but yes I have thought as far as a kiss maybe, but nothing more, and it has only happened on rarest of rare occasions. To be exact, twice. It’s just really freeing to actually Converse with someone about this. Thanks for the reply. It really means a lot to me.

Kumar

Hi again Kumar,

You’re welcome. Good you’re understanding. It’s ok to prefer women. You haven’t been with a transgender woman yet 😂.

It’s interesting too that you’re exploring outer edges of who you are, for here in your second reply you admit experiencing physical intimacy to some degree with men. This shows this whole idea of “straightness” filled with more holes that most people think. Humans would be better off dropping stories claiming there’s only “men” and “women” and “Gay” and “Straight”.

Keep exploring!

TTN

May 12, 2020

Transgender woman gets her wishes

This transgender woman who lives in rural America got her dream job, a ton of boys and more…it’s all so fun…and with little effort on her part, she says. Hear it in her own (unscripted) words.

At The Transamorous Network, we work with our clients so they get the love they want, the jobs they want, the love they want. But the most important thing we do with our clients is show them how to find and maintain joyful lives. That comes from telling the right stories. And when a person does that, no barrier stands between the person and their desiress.

We guarantee you’ll find the love of your life. Where you live, what you look like, what you are, doesn’t matter. We guarantee it because we know it works. So do our clients, such as “Joslin” here. Want that dream girl or guy? Get your stories right. We’ll show you how.

April 28, 2020

Honey (positive stories) attracts more bees

You get more bees with honey, i.e., you’ll find your lover by first becoming sweet. I know I get better results when I think positive thoughts, i.e, when I tell better-feeling stories.

Even better results come when I open up and allow my positive stories to dominate my awareness. Doing that, everything I want comes into view. I see differently, subsequently I feel differently and life matches that.

That’s why living in positive stories feels good and also creates life consistent with feeling good. When I’m positive, I’m more confident, I love myself more. Like a blossoming flower, bees find me, I don’t need to look for them. So too transgender women find me, I don’t need to go after them.

I like knowing that. I knew that Tuesday morning after waking. It felt so good in fact I wrote this:

Clarity in wake state feels like cool wind on hot, sun splashed days. A welcome relief. Negative thoughts ringing loud and clear, are clarions sounding future wake state moments, a future foretold, my future, a future unwanted.

Aware now, I resist resisting these thoughts. Old habits of pushing against unwanted thoughts give way to appreciation: I know now that every unwanted thought turns into improved thought when allowed passage via dispassionate observance rather than wishing they weren’t there and thereby giving birth to resistance.

April showers, they come and go, leaving fertile, softened soil, perfect conditions for soon-to-sprout goodness. So too are my negative thoughts, better termed “unwanted”. Like sprouting seeds my unwanted thoughts give way to new realities which draw to them fulfilled wishes like bees to blossoms. Like bees to blossoms, these fulfilled wishes prompt smiles of joy, satisfaction and more.

After all that deliciousness I created the gif above. So cool how creativity begets more creativity. That’s exactly the process that creates physical reality. And it’s the process trans-attraction fulfills itself when no resistance stands in the way. In other words when I don’t tell negative stories.

April 21, 2020

Relationships bring wonderful realizations.

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Relationships bring wonderful realizations. The harder they go, the more value they offer. Even when a person finds a match (and everyone a person meets is a match) that doesn’t mean the relationship will be hunky-dory. Stories create reality. So if a person‘s stories reflect negative realities, all their relationships reflect those stories. I know if I can’t find a partner, it’s only because of stories I’m telling. Reality reflects our stories so we can see them, then do something about it. Partners do that too. But the doing is a choice. I know I can choose doing nothing. But then I suffer. Like my clients sometimes.

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March 30, 2020

How I created $10,000

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Life is delightful.

Last month, in cahoots with Inner Being, I realized $10,000 in project funding. Rendezvousing with those funds came surprisingly and delightfully, which is how “right timing” always feels.

Right timing happens when I tell the right stories about what I want consistently enough that my reality matches stories I tell. This works with creating money, apartments, partners, or even intangibles such as happiness, well being and freedom. Here’s how to do it:

• • •

Between jobs last month and with COVID-19 shutting down job opportunities, I slowed down looking for work. In that space, I realized what I wanted more than a job paying the bills, was my projects paying the bills.

But current stories about my projects funding my living created ongoing nows consistent with those stories. That’s why I needed work. I didn’t believe my projects could pay my bills.

So that’s the reality I got.

Earlier last month though, I decided I would allow current stories a path out of my awareness. Doing that, I knew they would no longer influence my reality. Do that long enough, I knew, and stories consistent with my desires would become my reality.

That’s what I started two weeks ago. On Day one, determination reigned. By Day 12, old stories re-asserted themselves. All stories, beliefs or thoughts enjoy leaning toward their fullest expression. Believe it or not, stories are living things as all thoughts are. They revel in expression.

Once in my head, it can be hard getting them out. Unless I know what to do, that is, which I do, so it’s not hard. It’s easy.

The withdraw

My old stories reveled in my then present reality. The more I looked for work, the stronger their momentum. Their revelry felt like pressure, fear and anxiety inside me. That’s because their revelry in me drew to me thoughts like these:

I gotta get a job. My savings is running out
I should take whatever I can get
If I don’t take this job, there may not be others

Sense scarcity consciousness in those?

But then I reminded myself that I create my reality. Not these stories. I can choose stories I tell. I’ll choose stories that feel good and know by my good feelings, realities consistent with my positive stories will become my reality.

Thoughts that feel good sounded like this:

I don’t need to take any of these jobs I feel “blah” about
There are plenty of jobs available for me
My Inner Being knows the best job for me
I’ll wait for that best job

But then, while thinking those thoughts, other more positive thoughts came to me:

I don’t want a job!
I really enjoy working on my projects
Why can’t my projects support my living?
They can!
I want that reality!
Working on my projects full time feels fun!

That was around Day six. Between Day six and Day 12, old story constellations reasserted themselves several times each day. They (those thoughts) would pop into my head from time to time vying with my new, emerging stories. This is how it goes. It’s what changing your reality looks like.

Thankfully, I trained myself into monitoring my feelings. Any time I felt bad, I knew old stories popped up, even if I didn’t know what stories I told at that time.

Sometimes I knew. I felt and heard the thought. Other times, I didn’t.

No matter. Anytime I felt negative emotion, I pulled my attention back into the now, then focused on the positive thought-set. Something interesting: Negative emotion usually came when I let my attention slip into the future. That’s a no-no because when there I easily slip into trying to figure out the “how” and the “when” about what I want: How will my projects sustain me? When will that happen? Will it happen before I run out of money?

Those thoughts create fear and worry. So I know they don’t lean toward my desired reality that’s becoming my now. Instead, they lean the other way.

Any time I couldn’t shift my thinking because old story momentum had too much strength, I would take a nap, or go do something I enjoy: watch a favorite movie, or go on a walk.

By Day 14, I had done a lot of all that. I felt really good.

The morning of Day 14, I had wonderful dreams and epiphanies I wrote about in my journal. Then, one of my Positively Focused clients sent a message on WhatsApp. He’s not only a client, he’s keen about Copiosis, my other project. He’s given money to that organization before.

It just so happened, I launched a Copiosis social media advertising strategy earlier that week. So I had plenty to show him. The progress excited him. In his excitement he told he would give me more money to run that organization. Then he said use the rest of his gift to fund my living expenses so I could work full time on my projects.

How much was “the rest”? Nine thousand, five hundred and eighty dollars! I walked right into my desired reality!

Here’s the thing about all this. The money is great. Now I don’t need a job. It will fund my living expenses for most of the rest of the year. More money is coming, I’m sure.

But what’s more thrilling is what I experienced on the way to this money. The deliberate focus. Telling the right stories. Clarity coming from that. Positive, wonderful, ecstatic feelings coming from clarity.

Every moment I stayed in the present moment, I enjoyed throughly. In other words, most of that time I was happy. I’m happy still.

Those times I didn’t I stay in the Moment of Becoming, I see as beneficial too. Without them, I wouldn’t know I was heading away from what I wanted. So even those times benefitted me.

Getting the $10K is great. But desire fulfillment lasts hardly as long as anticipation, the joyful expectations, the pleasure that is knowing desire fulfillment is on its way. Seeing the signs as I move toward desire fulfillment sweetens the journey.

Since I’m eternal, new desires will always spring up. So I’ll always be on the way to a new desire.

How does all this relate to finding a partner? Your reality springs from stories you’re telling. Old story momentum creates your reality just as my old story momentum created my “I need a job” reality. Change your stories and in a little while, you’ll find yourself in new realities. Realities filled with abundant relationship options, no matter how unlikely you think your relationship options are.

Life gets mostly lived on a journey towards someplace. Every time I arrive, arrival births new desires. Which is why I know this: Life is about the journey. Not the destination. Settle into that truth. Not only will you have more fun, you’ll get what you want fast.