Tag: transamorous

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How Two Trans Women Reflected My Old And New Life

TL;DR: The author reflects on two contrasting interactions with trans women—one critical, one affirming—as divine guidance. The post explores how vibrational alignment shapes experience and how all feedback is a mirror.

Recently, I had two experiences unfold within days of each other — one critical, one deeply affirming. On the surface, they couldn’t have been more opposite. But viewed through the lens of “Your stories create your reality”, they were identical in purpose. They both came to show me something.

One was a correspondence with a transgender woman—let’s call her Janet—who found my work on The Transamorous Network off-putting. The other was a heartfelt 1:1 consultation with a different transgender woman—let’s call her Nancy—who reached out after reading 20+ blog posts and loving the material. Nancy is a scientist, nearly finished with medical school, and also steeped in clinical psychology. And yet, what she said after our session struck me the most: “Yes: I want to work with you.”

Let’s rewind to what led up to that moment.

Janet’s comments: Resistance in Disguise

When Janet first reached out, she let me know right away she didn’t like what I was writing about. She disagreed with the term “transamorous.” She challenged the need to even distinguish between attraction to cis women and attraction to trans women. In her view, labeling that difference was, at best, redundant—and at worst, invalidating to trans identities.

I get it.

Many trans women carry deep scars from rejection, invalidation, and dismissal — particularly from men. So when someone like me comes along and dares to suggest that trans-attraction is its own unique phenomenon — not fetish, not confusion, but something spiritually profound — it can bring up all kinds of discomfort, what I call a Belief Confrontation.

But discomfort doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It means I’m touching something real. So I responded to Janet with clarity, not defensiveness. I explained:

  • That trans-attracted men often go through years—decades, even—of pain, confusion, and self-hatred.
  • Many of them love trans women, and yet, their love is hard to express inside a culture that insists on binaries.
  • Transamory is not a rejection of trans womanhood. It’s an embrace of it. A spiritual calling that draws a man toward a woman whose path, like the man’s path, includes a powerful transformation.

But what I most wanted her to know was this: You don’t need to agree with my work. My work is not about convincing. It’s about aligning. It’s here for those who resonate — because they’re ready to love and be loved in a new way.

And then — just a few days later — Nancy showed up.

Nancy’s Arrival: Alignment Echoes Loudly

Nancy is in the middle of her transition and is contemplating gender confirmation surgery. But she reached out to me because she sensed something about that desire didn’t feel entirely clear, among other things, including the kinds of men she had been meeting. She wondered if her experiences were coming from positive stories or unhelpful ones.

So she set up a 1:1.

We spoke far longer than the usual 30-minute free session. Why? Because we both felt resonance. Here was a woman steeped in science—medicine, psychology—and yet, she wasn’t looking for a therapist. She was looking for resonance; a deeper knowing. Something that went beyond textbooks, data sets and science.

She’s going to find it in this practice.

I didn’t tell her what to do about surgery. That’s not my job. What I offered instead was a reflection of her own knowing. I helped her sense whether her momentum was aligned or reactive. And in that space, something clicked. That’s why she wanted to become a client.

Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding.

And that’s when it hit me: Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding. They arrived within the same week, orbiting the same subject—me and my work—offering radically different reflections. Janet revealed the remnants of past momentum. Nancy confirmed my current alignment.

And that’s the beauty of what I teach. To explain:

A Return from Negative Momentum

Back in December, I stopped writing for The Transamorous Network blog. Perhaps you noticed. I noticed that my focus on trans-attraction and transamory back then had slipped into negative momentum focus. I was drawing more and more criticism from angry readers—many of whom didn’t understand my perspective or what I was offering. All of them were trans women.

I tried for a long time to clear up their misunderstandings and limited beliefs. But those people couldn’t hear what I was saying. That’s because their Belief Constellations ranged far from where I am in my knowledge about life experience. So the more I tried to uplift them, the harder they pushed. And the harder they pushed, the more entrained I got. 

Until I realized what I was doing. 

When I did, I stopped pushing against that resistance. I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate. No more posts for that blog! In doing so, I let the negative momentum subside by not feeding it further.

I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate.

Months later—without me publishing a single new post—new readers began reaching out again. Trans-attracted men, wives of trans-attracted men, even gay men sent me messages. They all were asking for guidance, for support, for answers. Not with anger—but with curiosity and warmth. And with understanding that I offer something of value.

That’s how I knew something shifted.

And then came Janet and Nancy, nearly at the same moment. Both represented clear reflections that I was now standing in a different vibrational space—one where I was ready to choose what momentum I wanted to amplify.

An Option to Focus

Janet mirrored my old stories—stories I had already soothed. Stories that had me pushing against trans women’s lack of understanding, insecurity and anger. Nancy mirrored new energy—stories I was now allowing. Ease in my being. Allowing instead of pushing. Letting the Universe present me with what I want. Not pushing against what I don’t.

Both Janet and Nancy offered a chance to decide where I wanted to place my focus and which stories I wanted to foster. They invited me to ask myself: Do I want more of this (Nancy)? Or more of that (Janet)?

Not because one is good and the other is bad. But because the Universe will always give us what we focus on.

So I leaned into Nancy’s presence—her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore. And with that choice, I messaged Janet and let her know I was ending the correspondence. I told her why—not out of avoidance, or anger, but out of alignment. I explained that I was following what felt best, and honoring where my energy was now flowing.

Letting that go was a powerful, gentle release. It reminded me: Everyone is a divine being offering guidance—not always with praise or agreement, but always with clarity if we’re willing to see it. 

I leaned into Nancy’s presence — her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore.

Choosing Your Life

The Universe doesn’t waste energy. Every moment, every message, every person who shows up in our lives is exactly what we’ve summoned—not to test us, but to guide us.

Janet wasn’t a mistake. She wasn’t “negative.” She was a vibrational echo of the version of me who, not long ago, stopped writing for The Transamorous Network because I’d fallen into negative momentum. My old stories invited her critique. But I’ve shifted since then. I’ve tuned up. And that’s why Nancy came too.

One was contrast. The other, confirmation. Choosing our attention is choosing our life. The most important moment wasn’t when Janet criticized me. It wasn’t even when Nancy praised me. It was the moment I decided which direction to focus.

Was I going to spiral into defending myself to someone who didn’t want to hear me again? Or was I going to nurture the unfolding connection with someone who did? I chose Nancy. And that choice amplified my alignment even more. Then I also chose to lovingly release Janet from further correspondence — again, not out of anger, but because I no longer needed her reflection.

That’s how we move forward with grace.

For Trans Women and Trans-Attracted Men Alike

To my trans sisters: You are sovereign. You are radiant. And you don’t need to police how others love you in order to validate your womanhood. The men who love you aren’t broken. They’re becoming whole.

To the men: If you’re trans-attracted, and you’re still trying to figure out what that means—don’t try to figure it out alone. What you’re going through is not confusion. It’s a calling.

The Universe Never Misses. It never leads us astray. Janet and Nancy didn’t just show up by chance. They showed up because I asked for clarity. And the Universe answered with both: a reflection of where I’d been, and a glimpse of where I’m going. That’s how divine timing works. And that’s why I trust it more than anything.

Ready to experience this for yourself? If you’re ready to understand your desires—not through shame, but through soul—let’s talk. Schedule your free 1:1 session.

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The Hidden Truth of Trans-Attraction and Real Love

TL;DR: The author dismantles the myth that trans-attraction is fetishization, showing how authentic attraction to transgender women is distinct, deeply human, spiritually aligned and leaves trans-attracted men free to love themselves.

For years, one of the most common misconceptions I’ve encountered in my work with trans-attracted men and the women who love them is this: that being drawn to transgender women is just another form of fetishization. I used to hear this often in comments on my blog, and recently, a thoughtful reply raised the same point—comparing trans-attraction to a man preferring women of a certain race.

On the surface, that argument may sound convincing. Isn’t attraction just attraction? Isn’t trans-attraction simply one more “fixation,” no different from a preference for redheads or tall women? The truth, however, is far deeper. Reducing trans-attraction to fetishization not only misunderstands men’s lived experiences, it also undermines trans women’s authentic worth.

What Fetishization Really Means

Fetishization is the act of reducing another person to a body part, identity marker, or sexual novelty. It happens everywhere: racial fetishization, disability fetishization, and yes, fixation on transgender women. None of this is new. Human beings often project their insecurities or curiosities into sexual desire.

Yet fetishization, by its very nature, dehumanizes. A fetishizer sees only the attribute, not the whole person. When men are genuinely trans-attracted however, this is not what’s happening. They aren’t chasing “a trans body” or “a trans novelty.” They are attracted to transgender women as complete, multifaceted human beings who also happen to be trans.

The distinction matters. To call every instance of trans-attraction “fetishization” not only insults the men who experience it, it insults the trans women whose humanity gets reduced to a label.

How Trans-Attraction Is Different

In my twelve years of coaching trans-attracted men and couples facing problems due to trans attraction, I’ve learned that authentic trans-attraction isn’t a curiosity or a passing fixation. For many of these men, cisgender women don’t register as partners at all. Their desire, affection, and long-term compatibility all point toward trans women.

That makes “trans-attraction” more than just a “preference.” It’s an orientation that sits outside gay/straight binaries. Unfortunately, society’s misunderstanding of this creates enormous turmoil. When a man discovers his attraction to trans women, shame quickly follows. He may believe this makes him gay, broken, or perverse. None of that is true.

Further, cheating with a cis woman doesn’t shake a man’s sense of identity. Attraction to a trans woman often does. That existential crisis — “Am I gay? Am I still a man? Am I lovable?” — is what makes trans-attraction uniquely different from the examples critics often bring up.

Why Labels Create Both Clarity and Confusion

It’s fair to ask: does identifying as “trans-attracted” or “transamorous” create a new orientation? In some ways, yes—it gives men a safe language to understand themselves. Labels like “trans-attracted” are helpful starting points because they validate an experience men often carry in silence.

But labels are also limited. They can box people into identities that don’t fully reflect the richness of who they are. “Transgender” does the exact same thing for trans women. That’s why my work goes beyond labels. The ultimate goal is freedom — living authentically without fear of what others might say, and without clinging to social categories for validation.

This paradox shows up in trans communities, too. Many trans women rightly reject the gender binary, yet insist on being seen exclusively as “women,” rejecting any nuance that distinguishes their journey from that of cis women. Some even accuse men who appreciate their trans-ness of fetishization. In truth, empowered trans women I’ve met embrace the wholeness of their identity, without fear of being reduced.

“Trans attraction” gives men a starting place to understand themselves. From there, they can let go of labels and simply love.

The Hypocrisy of the Fetish Trope

Accusing all trans-attracted men of fetishization often says more about the accuser than the accused. Trans women who haven’t fully accepted their own trans-ness may feel objectified when a man affirms it. If she sees her trans identity as shameful, then anyone who finds it attractive must be “fetishizing” her. This is projection at work — her unresolved self-acceptance mirrored back through his desire.

That doesn’t mean fetishization never exists. Of course it does. Some men (and women) reduce others to novelty. But collapsing all trans-attraction into that category silences the many men who are sincerely, holistically drawn to trans women. It also denies trans women the dignity of being loved for all of who they are.

A Spiritual Perspective on Trans-Attraction

From a spiritual perspective, the attraction between trans-attracted men and transgender women is not random. These men are vibrational matches for these women. They come together not to perpetuate shame, but to reveal authenticity. Trans-attracted men often carry the role of affirming trans women’s worth, just as trans women often catalyze men into deeper self-honesty.

This isn’t fetishization. It’s alignment, sovereignty in action. It’s the unfolding of two people stepping into authenticity, even when culture doesn’t understand them.

The real issue isn’t whether trans-attraction is a fetish. The issue is whether men and women are willing to live from their authenticity. That authenticity is what dissolves shame, heals relationships, and creates love that lasts.

Conclusion: Beyond Fetish, Into Freedom

Fetishization reduces people to objects. Trans-attraction elevates them into whole-person connections. While some men may indeed objectify, most of the men I work with are struggling not because they fetishize, but because they fear. They fear rejection, shame, and what their attraction “means” about who they are.

Sound familiar trans women?

Labeling them fetishizers adds another layer of stigma. Seeing them as authentically trans-attracted opens the door to healing — for them, for their partners, and for the trans women they love. So, is trans-attraction fetishization?

No.

It’s authenticity calling to be lived out loud.

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Curious or Certain? The Truth About Trans-Attraction in Men

TL;DR: This post compares two clients—Cliff and Justin—to explore the real meaning of trans-attraction. Through their stories, the author reveals key vibrational differences and offers support for men ready to find clarity.

In a recent post, I introduced two men — Romero and Cliff — who believed they were trans-attracted. But closer exploration revealed something else. Romero was simply trying to find a better label than “gay.” Cliff, while deeply in love with his wife, found himself “curious.”

Both used trans experiences to better understand themselves — but neither fit the profile of a truly trans-attracted man. This week, I want to introduce someone who does. I’ll call him “Justin”. His story draws a clear line between trans-attraction and everything else.

When Curiosity Isn’t Curiosity—It’s Clarity

Justin came to me in the midst of a painful divorce. It wasn’t his first. In fact, he described a long trail of relationships—all with cis women—all ending in emotional wreckage.

From the outside, you might think Justin had “bad luck.” But like every client I’ve ever worked with, Justin wasn’t unlucky. He was vibrationally unaware. He carried unacknowledged beliefs about himself, women, relationships, and life. Beliefs he picked up during childhood. Beliefs that haunted him. And those beliefs made him a poor match for the kind of love he was idealizing.

Because yes—Justin is a romantic. He wants love. He believes in long-term relationships. But belief in romance alone won’t get you one. You have to be vibrationally aligned to receive that kind of experience.

Justin wasn’t. At least, not yet.

From Numbing to Awakening

Like many men going through a breakup, Justin turned to porn. In his case, trans porn. But trans content wasn’t new to him. He had been drawn to it—compulsively—since he was a teen. This time, though, it led somewhere different. It didn’t numb him. It woke him up.

That’s when he found The Transamorous Network. From our first conversation, it was clear: Justin wasn’t just “curious.” He wasn’t trying to reframe a kink and wasn’t escaping a label. He wasn’t using trans women to test something else. He was, in fact, done with cis women. He was done pretending he could go back. That’s because he felt a deep, soulful pull toward trans women — to the exclusion of cis women.

That’s the hallmark of real trans-attraction.

Sure, Justin still finds cis women attractive. But when he pictures a future partner, it’s always a trans woman. No contest. No confusion. And no toggling back and forth.

Cliff, on the other hand, still feels most connected to his wife. And that’s ok. His trans experiences opened curiosity — but not clarity. That’s the difference between trans attraction…and something else.

Why Justin’s Current Relationship Still Might Not Work

Like many men in the early stages of discovering their trans-attraction, Justin entered what I call the “tranny chaser” phase. It’s a real, early-stage experience. The attraction is so strong it becomes manic. Men in this phase often flood themselves with porn, escorts, and fantasies — believing it’s finally the love they’ve been missing. But more often than not, it’s another loop. A vibrational replay of the very same stories that haunted them in cis relationships — just now, with different bodies.

Justin is currently involved with a trans escort I’ll call Marge. She lives in Mexico. She’s beautiful. And she’s expensive. She’s also a perfect vibrational match for where Justin currently stands.

Marge struggles with substance abuse. Justin once did too. Marge avoids emotional transparency. Justin still wrestles with that. Marge is sexually compulsive. Justin knows that dance intimately. This relationship, like all relationships, is a mirror. A mirror that’s purposeful.

They’re together to show what each needs to see in themselves. That’s the point.

He Wants Romance. He’s Getting Reflection.

Justin believes he’s in love. He thinks this might be “the one.” And maybe, it could be. But only if he’s willing to do the real work. He must stop trying to “get” a trans woman… And start owning who he is, vibrationally. In that way he’ll clean up his stories and stabilize his momentum. In that way he’ll become a match to the kind of love he actually wants.

Until then, his relationships will keep showing him… himself.

You might see yourself in Justin. Maybe you’ve been married to a cis woman, and it’s not working. Maybe you’ve tried to suppress your attraction to trans women. Or maybe you’ve been binging porn or seeing escorts… and wondering what that says about you.

Or maybe you’re more like Cliff: Curious, unsure. Hoping, perhaps, to explore — but not ready to leave the life you have. Both paths are valid. But they’re not the same. And you owe it to yourself to find out where you really stand.

If you see yourself in Justin or Cliff — or somewhere in between — let’s talk. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to guess what it means. And you don’t have to keep spinning in a loop. Book a free private consultation with me. Clarity is the first step toward freedom.

And freedom… feels so much better. Visit The Transamorous Network and book your session today.

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The Truth About Trans-Attracted Men in Marriages

Over the last several weeks, I’ve noticed something significant happening through The Transamorous Network. I’ve been receiving more calls and messages than usual — husbands, wives, girlfriends, even boyfriends all expressing concern, confusion, or sometimes outright panic about one very specific subject: trans-attraction.

These aren’t isolated incidents. In fact, in the past month alone, I’ve spoken with multiple married couples and men who are struggling with this phenomenon, often in secrecy, often in pain. Just this week, I received a message from a gay man who discovered his partner of 11 years stopped having sex with him, because the partner has been reaching out to transgender women.

That’s new. I thought gay men would never be attracted to trans women because trans women aren’t men. They definitely don’t present as men. And, the vast majority of them don’t perform in bed as men. I’m planning a story around this specific situation. It deserves more exploration.

Anyways, the volume of these conversations has increased steadily over the last dozen weeks, with three men scheduling free one-on-ones and another skipping the free consult entirely, saying:

“Working with you, for me, is important. There’s no place else I can talk about and get good information about what’s happening with me.”

That’s a ringing endorsement, especially for a subject—transamory—I briefly put on hiatus late last year.

My Journey with trans-attraction

For more than 12 years, I’ve been helping men understand themselves and embrace what it means to be transamorous. It sparked the beginning of my 1:1 practice which now comprises far more folks other than trans-attracted men and trans women. I started working with trans-attracted men based on my own direct, personal experience. I am myself trans-attracted. So I know exactly what it feels like to carry that attraction in a world that doesn’t understand it.

Many men equate being trans-attracted with being gay. That misunderstanding creates shame, embarrassment, and fear inside such men. It also creates confusion in marriages, particularly in wives, when they discover their man pursuing trans women on the down low.

But being trans-attracted is not the same as being gay. Transgender women aren’t men. They live a unique truth, presenting as female, and often overcoming enormous struggles simply to live authentically. I find that struggle, that unique truth, creates really attractive people. That’s the basis for why I assert trans-attraction is the flip-side of, the complement to, being transgender.

Lonely and self-loathing

Trans women want love. Trans-attracted men come to offer it. But first, both sides must accept who they are. Especially, trans women must accept themselves. Otherwise they will reject affection trans-attracted men offer them. After all, trans women who loathe what they are can’t bear being in the presence of a man who loves them AS they are.

Gay men are attracted to men. Trans-attracted men are not. So what gives with the gay man above showing interest in trans women? I can only surmise that they are changing in their orientation. That’s not so strange. After all, much of what humans are is subject to expansion. Subject to change, in other words.

Meanwhile, because society rarely talks openly about trans-attraction, people — cisgender women, trans women, and trans-attracted men themselves — often conflate trans-attraction with homosexuality. Trans women are some of the worst offenders, going much farther than that. Again, self-loathing trans women possess often gets projected, by the trans women, onto men who are here to love them authentically. 

This leaves trans-attracted men with even fewer outlets to learn about themselves and eventually embrace what they are. Embrace what they are So that they then can fully embrace the women they are here to love authentically.

All this confusion and revulsion leaves men who contact me with few safe places to explore what they’re feeling. It’s no wonder such men often end up married to cis women.

The Transamorous Network exists to change that.

The early signs both spouses saw

One thing I’ve discovered in my work is that most men know they’re trans-attracted long before they get married. They see the signs in their own fantasies, their porn choices, their private thoughts — but they often suppress or dismiss those indicators. They do that because of what you just read.

Many hope marriage will “erase” the attraction. It never does.

Trans-attraction is not a phase or a quirk; it’s an inherent part of who these men are, just as being gay is an inherent part of a gay man’s identity.

Interestingly, many of the women who marry these men also have a sense — often subtle, sometimes unarticulated — that something is different about their partner. Their Broader Perspective whispers clues. They may not identify what they sense as “trans-attraction”, but they feel an intuitive nudge that something about their man is “off.”

This explains, I think, why many women I dated before embracing my trans attraction never stuck with me. I had an experience recently confirming this. A woman expressed interest in me one day. My interest was as friends only. She asked for my number. I hoped she would call so I could set the record straight on my orientation.

But she never called.

A week later, I saw her again. She apologized for not calling. After asking why, she told me she changed her mind but didn’t know why. When I told her I’m trans-attracted and explained what that meant, she said “ah…I knew it was something. I just couldn’t pin it down.”

So ladies: you knew. The key is tapping into your knowing before you get married.

Why more people are talking about it now

Too often, both men and women ignore those early signals. They marry anyway. Years later, the truth emerges, usually through secrecy, affairs, or breakdown. I’m glad my two marriages ended for other reasons. I’m also happy I don’t find myself in situations some of the men who contact me present.

Part of the reason I’m seeing an increase in outreach is search visibility. My site, The Transamorous Network, now ranks highly for searches about trans-attraction, transamory, and what to do if your man is attracted to trans women. This means more men and women are finding me when they go looking for answers.

But it’s not just SEO. We’re in a cultural moment where more men are acknowledging their authentic desires, and more women are discovering those desires don’t match traditional ideals of love and marriage. Society is slowly starting to discuss trans issues more openly. Witness several recent movies on the subject including Baby Reindeer. This visibility encourages both men and women to seek out resources like mine.

And while some marriages can survive trans-attraction, in most cases, they do so at great cost. Why? Because when a man denies his authentic attraction, that denial always seeks an outlet. And those outlets can be destructive:

  • Cheating and Affairs: Secret relationships with transgender women, often discovered only after betrayal.
  • Porn Addiction: Men numbing themselves with endless hours of porn centered on transgender women, while hiding it from their wives.
  • Risky Coping Behaviors: Gambling, drug use, or compulsive trips to strip clubs.
  • Escorts and Prostitutes: A common outlet, but one that brings not only financial strain but also exposure to STDs.
  • Divorce and Broken Families: Years of investment—children, houses, careers—undone when the truth finally forces its way out.

The Path Forward: Authenticity

These aren’t moral judgments. They are simply patterns I’ve seen over and over again in my work with men. When we reject who we really are, we create friction. That friction demands release, and it usually shows up in painful ways.

The good news is this: being transamorous is not a curse. It’s not shameful. It’s simply one way authentic attraction shows up in humanity. When men embrace it—rather than deny it—they can create loving, respectful, transparent relationships that work for everyone involved.

And when women see their partner’s trans-attraction clearly, they have the opportunity to make empowered choices—whether that means continuing the relationship with full awareness, and growing deeper in love and respect for their partner, no matter what future shape the marriage takes, or stepping into something that honors their own truth.

The only real danger comes from hiding, lying, or pretending. Or getting angry, feeling betrayed and panicking over what others might think about you. That’s when marriages crumble, families fracture, and addictions take over.

I believe part of why so many people reach out to me is that The Transamorous Network remains one of the very few places offering an in-depth, compassionate, and nonjudgmental perspective on this subject. There are support groups for trans women, and for LGBTQ people broadly. But there are very few resources specifically for men who are trans-attracted—and for the women in their lives. That’s the gap I fill apparently.

Call to Action

If you’re a man struggling with your attraction to transgender women—or if you’re a woman who suspects your partner may be trans-attracted—you don’t have to face it alone.

I’ve helped men move from shame to self-acceptance. I’ve helped women clear distortions — feelings of betrayal, blaming themselves for what’s happening, feeling rage — so that they move from confusion to clarity and then back to love for their spouses. On occasion, I also helped couples navigate the hard but honest conversations that lead to authentic choices.

If you’re ready to stop hiding, stop hurting, and start living authentically, I invite you to reach out. Schedule a free one-on-one with me, or, if you already know this work is vital to you, book a session today.

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Two Clients, One Lesson: Our Stories Are Everything

TL;DR: Two clients reveal how our stories shape reality. Their contrasting experiences show that alignment, not effort, creates desired outcomes—and that even contrast serves expansion on the path to joy. This is a post originally published on our Positively Focused blog

Two clients this week proved how powerful our stories are. Both clients are trans-attracted. Both are advanced clients.

The delicate dance between the two clients illustrates how our stories create reality. But they also show how deeply connected all of us are to each other. Further, what happened this week proves how each of us acts as both contrast AND as angels for one another, with both contrast and our angel-hood benefitting everyone involved.

I’ll clear up what I mean in a moment. When I’m done you’ll see the perfect co-creation of what happened between me, the two clients and their experiences.

To really understand what happened, though, let’s revisit what trans attraction is.

What is trans attraction?

Trans attraction is a classification of people who are attracted to transgender people. Typically, this attraction is exclusive. Much like homosexuals and lesbians, trans-attracted people tend to not find cisgender women or men attractive as potential relationship partners. They can appreciate beauty expressed in cisgender people, but their trans-attraction makes it challenging for trans-attracted people to enjoy relationships with such people.

That’s because they’re not here to do that. They’re here to enjoy leading-edge human experiences: expressing something other than heterosexuality. What’s more, such people, particularly trans-attracted men, are here to represent the completion or the fulfillment of what trans women desire: love and relationship.

The trouble with trans-attraction for most such men, however, is that it’s so not the norm. Almost always, trans-attracted men conclude their trans attraction means they’re gay. This is not the case.

But society’s dominant momentum on sexuality and gender, generally, and anything not conforming to the gender binary specifically, causes these men great discomfort. And the more value they place on others’ opinions over their own, the more such men struggle with an identity that is valid, wholesome and right, but against mainstream society’s grain.

So trans-attracted men are those who are strongly pulled to be in relationship with transgender women. The two clients in this story fit that classification perfectly.

There’s always more to expand into

Both men also struggled mightily with their stories about their self worth as trans-attracted men. One, who I’ll call Chris, struggled partly because, as a former Christian, his belief system told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was going to hell. The other, who I’ll call Seth, happens to be Jewish. He’s not concerned about hell.

But what caused Seth’s massive struggle were stories he created conflating a sexual exploration he had with his younger brother when he was nine, his discovery that he was trans attracted not much later, and his culture, which really, really puts a lot of weight on what others think.

Both men came to me wanting relief from these struggles. Both men have been clients about the same time. And, both men have made great progress in finding freedom to be who they authentically are.

As a result, both are living out loud their trans attraction. That’s a good thing. As with all expansion, however, there’s always more to expand into. And this is why I’m writing this. Because both men’s expansion came together in such an instructive and delightful way.

The set-up

Both Chris and Seth once believed it impossible to meet trans women who weren’t escorts or gold-diggers. They also believed it impossible to meet trans women who would be happy using their…uh…male appendages.

Ok, important note: many trans women are NOT happy doing that. But every desire we have is to be fulfilled. So if a man wants a trans woman who will be happy doing that, the Universe will fulfill that. That explains why there actually are trans women more than willing to use their male parts. And they’re not all escorts or gold-diggers either. Which brings me to what happened to set this experience up.

Seth has soothed his negative beliefs so much that, recently, he moved out of the Northeast and down to Austin. That’s a far more liberal location compared to where he came from. Austin enjoys a robust LGBTQ community. That’s despite being in Texas.

Still, it surprised Seth how easily he met trans women. And not just trans women, really pretty trans women! Old beliefs kept him doing things not necessarily in his best interest, however. Things like going to strip clubs and hiring escorts. But each time that happened, the outcome showed him why leaning in the direction of his trans attraction was better.

Reflecting beliefs to be soothed

Enough disappointment came from those encounters so that Seth gave up following through on such impulses. In doing so, he eventually started meeting higher quality trans women while just being himself, feeling good and putting himself out in the world.

That’s how I suggest everyone “find love”. But that’s another story.

Chris, for what it’s worth, isn’t at that point in his expansion. He still thinks trans women are hard to find. Particularly good looking ones. And, he doesn’t believe he’ll meet one by just “putting himself out there”. Because of those beliefs, he does what many people do who struggle finding a partner: he dates online.

Meanwhile, the really pretty girl Seth recently met is the kind of girl Chris thinks is rare. She’s trans, of course, and majoring in Math in college. Long story short, Seth and this girl ended up “sword fighting”, then in an open relationship: she has a boyfriend. But that boyfriend relationship rests on shaky ground. So she’s exploring her options. Seth is a great option!

Stepping stones

Meanwhile, Chris recently found several trans women online, some of which were more than willing to meet his specific desires. But in short order, these girls showed Chris exactly why I don’t recommend online dating. Oh, they were perfect matches. But not the people Chris could settle with.

Indeed, these women brought behaviors and characteristics reflecting beliefs Chris needs to clean up in himself so that he can attract better matches.

This explains why I call relationships stepping stones. A big plus of relationships is they reflect back to us our beliefs so we can do something about them and thereby find a more permanent happiness. Chris knew that. And he has cleaned up many beliefs. But some still persist. Like the one keeping him dating online.

Ok, back to Seth.

Deep shit

Seth’s relationship is doing the same thing Chris’ is. The same process holds for every relationship, and, every situation…all of reality actually. Life experience is a reflection. It reflects back to us what our dominant vibration is. The difference between Seth’s and Chris’ vibration is, Seth is meeting women more naturally. That’s because he believes that’s possible. So his experience is more delightful than Chris’. Chris is still trying to “make it happen” through a particular kind of doing: dating online.

That’s no fun.

Chris is still learning to let go. He still experiences impatience in his process, which explains why he’s working so hard at dating. It also explains why Chris ended up in what most people would call “deep shit.”

What happened was he shared full-body nudes with a trans woman online. His Broader Perspective warned him this particular person was not who Chris thought she was. Chris acknowledged this after the fact, after the “woman” turned out to be a scammer. A scammer who used that photo to try to blackmail Chris.

Long story story short, Chris ended up paying a security firm $5,000 to track and apprehend the scammer, who, wouldn’t you know it, lived in Nigeria.

The “gorgeous” trans woman

The good news is Chris didn’t amplify his troubles by focusing on them and lamenting or feeling regret. Rather, he did exactly what the I recommend: he found humor in the whole experience. He also acknowledged, as I said, warnings his Broader Perspective used to catch his attention. After this experience, I strongly encouraged him to stop dating online, but, because of his stories, he said he probably wouldn’t stop for a while.

I could tell though that I made an impression. The impression I made had him ready for the next step in this story. For that, we have to go back to Seth.

Exactly one day after my session with Chris, Seth texted me. The moment I read it, I knew a three-way manifestation was happening. A manifestation that included me, Chris and Seth. The night before, the text said, Seth met a “gorgeous” trans woman, got her number and planned to meet her later in the week.

Here’s how he described it:

And when I asked how that happened, I knew it would be a perfect story, an example for Chris showing how his life could go. Here’s what Seth texted:

The Charmed Life

After I shared this conversation with Chris, Chris said he appreciated it. I could tell though that he’s still somewhat stuck in his own belief momentum. He just can’t believe strongly enough that a situation like Seth’s can happen to him. How do I know? He’s still dating online.

Most clients, even in the advanced practice, wobble a bit in their conviction. I do too sometimes. It’s par for the course. After all, we’re human. Our physical reality often feels so “true”. So true it can be very, very hard to believe in a reality that, to our human eyes, doesn’t exist. Especially when our existing physical reality is so present, so now and contains something we don’t want.

But that’s the prescription for getting everything we do want.

We must look where what we want is. That often requires looking into nonphysical, seeing the vibrational version of our desire then holding that focus long enough. Long enough for our physical reality to reflect that focus back to us in the form of physical reality.

That’s simple to say. It’s not easy though. That’s why the practice is the practice. And, since we’re all eternal, it’s a practice we can master, but only for that moment of mastery. For, again, we’re always expanding. Which means we’re always expanding into areas demanding ever-increasing levels of mastery.

The good news is, we can enjoy that never-ending practice. It’s in that enjoyment that we discover the Charmed Life.