As I write this post, I’m thinking back to my past and my own journey on the “Chaser-to-Transamorous” path. It’s been quite a few years. I’ve written nearly 500 posts about trans-attraction and transamory. I’ve shared my journey of self-discovery and acceptance while offering advice, initially for trans-attracted men. But I gradually shifted that focus to trans women.
As I wrote in a recent post, many trans women and trans-attracted men expressed appreciation for what I’ve shared here over the years. As my own self-discovery included a path into deeper, esoteric spirituality, that knowledge found its way into The Transamorous Network content too. This included this blog, our podcast, our YouTube Channel and more. It’s been fun sharing my journey, offering advice to others and receiving positive support from readers.
Of course, I’ve also received messages from haters, mostly bigoted trans women suffering from self loathing, who projected their hate onto me. I appreciate those people too because those people had me focus even more on supporting the community with the material I offered. I knew those women’s comments had much more to say about them than they did my writing, my content or me as a person. And I knew what I offered could actually help them.
Fifteen years…at least
Speaking of me as a person, discovering my transamory alongside my spiritual origins has been an incredible journey. I remember when I first saw a trans woman. It was in the early 80s in Osaka, Japan. My girlfriend at the time thought it would be entertaining to take me to a Yakuza bar where all the “go-go” dancers were trans. Little did she know, or maybe she did know from a spiritual perspective, that introduction sparked a flame in me.
That flame grew into an adventure that, at first, I struggled valiantly to repress. I was in the Marines after all, before the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mandate. Being queer was a dischargeable offense. Still, my transamory wouldn’t be denied.
It took more than 15 years, I think, to embrace my queerness and my attraction to trans women. During that time I struggled, but always knew myself as the individual I am today. I knew I would make it through someday. And after making it, I decided to start The Transamorous Network to help others make it. Helping others has been rewarding.
And yet all adventures either come to an end, or they change.
Getting to know myself
My adventure taking the form of The Transamorous Network is about to come to an end. This is the last post. I’ll be focusing on my cisgender audiences going forward. Cisgender people comprise the majority of my clients these days. My experience with them shows them more open to moving along the spiritual path I offer. It feels wonderful seeing them resonate with results they produce through my guidance. So focusing on them is where I want to commit my energies. Doing so feels good and nothing matters more than feeling good.
As I close this chapter of my adventure, I’m reflecting on my own journey, one that began, like many men, with the thought that I was gay. Being on the DL all that time didn’t stop me from exploring. That exploration included having encounters with men. I wanted to find out if I was gay, or was there something else going on with me. At that time “trans-attracted” wasn’t a thing. At least I wasn’t aware of such a term.
So while I still dated cis women, I also explored with men and with trans women when the opportunity presented itself. These days, I’ve had enough experience with pretty much every gender to know what I like, what I’m attracted to and why. I approached this with the same zeal I approached getting to know my spiritual nature. That’s why I know myself as transamorous. Not a chaser. Not a fetishizer.
All things change…
What I find interesting as this chapter closes is my sexual practices have changed. To understand how, I want to tell a story of something that happened while I was still exploring.
Decades ago, I had a long-term affair with a guy named Bill. It lasted almost 20 years. He wasn’t at all good looking, but he had a giant dick I loved to suck and get fucked by. We were really good friends and that’s what the relationship emerged from: our friendship. He was a top and not interested at all in being a bottom. Not that I was encouraging that, I really loved his dick (and came to love him over time, romantically, interestingly enough).
Bill was a sex fiend and couldn’t get enough. I knew this about him and just assumed he was careful. I was shocked one evening though when he told me he had contracted HIV… Years later we reconnected after a rather messy end to our relationship triggered by my fear he put me at risk (I’m HIV-). During this reconnection, Bill shared, to my shock and awe, that he was now a bottom!
I’m sharing this because, recently, I’ve been contemplating my anal play and whether it really offers the sensual stimulation I enjoy so much, or is it instead more of a psychological thing….I’m coming to the point that it is way more the latter than the former. Especially after meeting Yuri and enjoying performing the traditional male role with her.
Post-transamorous and the next adventure
So I’m really close at the moment to declaring myself, no longer interested in being strictly a “bottom”. I find this interesting because I never thought that aspect of me would change. Even though I saw it happen with someone I knew very well.
I feel resolute about this change, in the same way Bill felt about his. It’s interesting contemplating how my life seems to be coming full circle. At least as far as my sexuality is concerned.
And perhaps this is the case with many men who find themselves attracted to trans women. Perhaps, at the end of the day, what we trans-attracted men are looking for is self understanding. And we discover that, as many people do: through the mirror inherent in all relationships.
I’ve had many relationships and have used them to chart my own journey to self-discovery, as, I’m sure, my partners did too. Along the way I’ve met some stellar people, both trans-attracted and transgender. This has been a great journey.
And the journey continues. But it no longer will focus on my wanting to convince the trans community that they are empowered, powerful, creative beings creating their reality as they move through life, and thus can enjoy a life where all they want is theirs. They are that, as is everyone else. Yet, it’s time for me to take the next step in my journey. That requires no longer trying to convince people who are not ready to hear this uplifting message.
So with that, I bid the trans community adieu. The next chapter of my adventure awaits. A chapter where I move beyond identifying as transamorous. I just am.
PS –
If you’re still interested in hearing from me, subscribe to my other blog Positively Focused, on WordPress, Medium, Tumblr and my Facebook Page by the same name. Across all these platforms, Positively Focus enjoys more that 15,000 followers.
The Transamorous Network will likely cease to exist within the next few months.
PPS –
One of the first transgender clients I served, has followed this blog pretty much from the beginning. Her response to this post is the perfect capstone. It’s an example, I know, of how many trans women have benefited from my writings. And so, I leave with her well-wishes:
I publish these posts weeks after I write them. That way, I don’t feel pressure to write something if I don’t want to. Invariably, however, the urge strikes. And so I find myself at my writing table.
Not being a hypocrite, I’m going to lavish on what I want in this post, rather than dwell on what I don’t. I’m going to praise those readers who get what I’m sharing, who have benefited from reading these posts.
But I’m also going to praise those who haven’t got what I share. Including those lambasting that second post as transphobic. I am going to praise those people, because they offer grit, the grain of sand that contributes to the ongoing pearl forming in my personality oyster that unfolds as my daily life.
So in praise of both, I offer this rather brief post.
I’m pretty positive
Over the years of writing this blog, some trans women have pretty much raved about what I share. Those who get it, those primed to benefit from what I write, share their enthusiasm and satisfaction.
Some of those women engaged with me as clients. Others, haven’t, but they have reached out from time to time to share their life progress, progress happening at least partially because of what they’ve read on this blog.
I recall fondly an ongoing three-year conversation with a trans woman in the midwest somewhere, who struggled with men and career. After a couple years of focus, she wound up meeting much better men, and started her own business. One that became successful enough that she hired her mom as an employee.
Many such stories fill my memory. And there are less profound experiences that, while less profound, were no less gratifying to receive.
Recently, in response to my most recent posts (at the time of writing this), I got two examples I really, really appreciate. The first I’m sharing responds to a post I wrote after my post about the trans community helping Trump win. In that post I shared my “origin story.”
A few didn’t respond kindly to that one, but this person’s response resonates with intentions I put into that story:
Yeah. I’m pretty positive. And it seems that bright light I offer warmed the heart of this reader.
Making a difference
The post on Trump really triggered a lot of trans women. Getting triggered is unfortunate because it reveals so much more about the person getting triggered and says nothing about the thing the person is letting trigger them.
So when I got a lot of trans women pissed off about that post and the one about me having sex with a post-op trans woman, I reveled in the knowing I have about people, the Universe and how it all works. I shared some of that knowledge in responses to those people who commented negatively. On the surface what I wrote made little difference: the women just doubled-down on their triggered perspective.
But I know when that happens, such people make a connection with what I share in a powerful way. In that way, they are bound to encounter what they’ve read somewhere else in their life. Perhaps it will come in the form they can more readily digest. So I know while it looks like I made little difference, I actually made a HUGE difference.
And that’s why I’ve written so much on this blog. That and other reasons kept me coming back to my computer every week.
Comments like the one below kept me coming back too. Getting comments like this one cause all the flaming from triggered trans women to pale in comparison. Yep, some people out there get it. And it’s cool when they feel moved enough to share like this:
In praise
When a person gets triggered, the belief confrontation happening in them literally takes them over. They can’t control themselves, which is often why such people resort to name calling and even violence. So when people respond negatively in a comment, it doesn’t mean very much. They’re out of control.
But for a person to share a positive comment, something significant must happen to move them to take the time to comment. Feeling good isn’t enough. A strong resonance between the writer and the reader must happen. In other words, someone taking time to share a positive comment speaks more powerfully than someone firing off a triggered, angry offended rant.
That’s why I so appreciate when I get calls or comments, such as the ones above.
I appreciate the flames too though although sometimes it takes a while. That’s because they cause me to dig deeper into my awareness, the very same awareness that has me write these posts every week.
Maybe you can tell I’m heading somewhere. It’s a destination I expect will fulfill itself in the next two blog posts or so. Until then, I appreciate you, dear reader. Whether you get it or whether you don’t.
TL;DR: The author argues for the Trans community to find happiness as a way to feeling better about Trump taking office. In this way, they say, trans and trans-attracted people and their allies can create the best future for themselves. Everything else is insanity they suggest.
There is a better way to live. One where Trans Community members, in which I include trans-attracted people and their allies, can live far more happily. In that better way, way more of what we want can be ours too.
But it requires giving up being right. Especially on subjects we feel fear about. Fear is a powerful emotion. I’m going to dive deeper on that and why it’s not a good idea to wallow in fear in this post. Especially fear about Trump.
Trump’s election victory has a lot of trans people fearful about their future. It has many trans allies feeling the same way, including many of my friends. A big reason why they feel this way is because they think they’re right. They think Trump has it in for trans people. They think Trump is going to follow through with his threats.
And he probably will. After all, a lot of momentum backs those actions. Momentum trans people and their allies contribute to through their fear.
And this is why it’s important that we NOT allow ourselves to succumb to our fears. Even if those fears come true.
In this post, I’m going to describe why, how being right is a problem, and how living happily instead serves not only our community, but the world at large.
Here we go!
Some background
This article will be easier to understand if readers have some background on where my perspective comes from. Readers who don’t have this background will get “triggered” by what I’m sharing. If what you’ve read so far triggers you, you should probably stop reading right now.
There’s nothing inaccurate about what’s written here. I know this from my own experience. My experience isn’t my only proof, however. My clients’ experience implementing what I share backs me up too. Those who don’t have life experience proving what I’m sharing is accurate typically experience “belief confrontations” when they read what I write.
A belief confrontation is what happens when a person is “triggered”. They have a belief, usually a strong one. When life gives them evidence not matching that belief, the belief pushes back against that reality. When that happens, usually the person behaves in ways we call “triggered”.
They get angry and lash out. Usually that lashing out looks like name-calling. It can also look like violence. Or it looks like responding in a comment where, in the case of my writings, they express how “wrong” I am. Yes, that’s right. When one has a “belief confrontation” they must be right. They have to be, or else the belief is threatened. So reality, including the other person, becomes wrong.
So as you read this, please remember you have beliefs and your beliefs may even be right. But if you’re triggered because of what you’re reading, then maybe they’re not right. Maybe your beliefs are worth examining and replacing with better-serving beliefs.
Is action better?
A lot of people right now worry about what’s going to happen when Trump takes office. Of course, Trump is not in office yet. So in the now, which is the only place we can exist, nothing has happened worthy of our fear or worry. The Biden Administration is still in office. Things are pretty much going the way they have for the last four years.
So this fear and worry is not about the now, it’s about the future. All fear and worry is always about the future. That’s why fear and worry are problems. Because when we’re fearful and worryful, we’re not using the now to our advantage. Instead, we’re doing the opposite. We’re using the now to our disadvantage.
Another thing we fear or worry about, that we can do nothing about really, is the fate of other people. Our worry and fear about other people is near-worthless. Even from the perspective of the people we’re fearing and worrying for, all our fear and worry does is cause them to fear and worry too. So now everyone is using the now to our mutual disadvantage.
To be clear, when we’re taking action as a response to fear or worry, then usually we’re not feeling fear or worry at that point. So action is a good antidote to fear and worry, because at least we’re doing something. But there’s a catch to such action: if we’re acting while fearing and worrying, then our action gets tainted by that.
I’m sure readers have experienced lack-luster results that come from acting while feeling anything other than confidence and clarity. We often bomb job interviews, miss out on potential dates, or our skill at something doesn’t shine when we act out of fear or worry.
Feeling better is better
This explains why action can often not be the best option when one worries or fears. And I haven’t even talked about the vibrational nature of those emotions and how they create futures we won’t like.
If people understood that fear is a problem and why, they’d probably not fear so much. Instead they’d tell better-feeling stories about what they fear in order to build beliefs that are more empowering than the ones having them feeling fear.
But most people, including trans and trans-attracted people and their allies, would rather be right than feel better. I know this first hand.
A newer client is deathly afraid of what the incoming administration will do to illegal aliens. She tutors a young Latina whose family is living in the country illegally apparently. My client is literally terrified for this young woman.
But what is her terrified feeling doing for the young person? For sure she can feel that strong fear coming from the woman, so she’s probably also terrified. How does that help her?
It doesn’t.
The problem with the future
When I try to get my client to think of better thoughts about the future, she literally cannot. She can’t get beyond thoughts she’s thinking about the future that has her afraid. Every time I try to encourage her, rather than finding better-feeling thought about the future, she has a belief confrontation: she instead attacks the validity of this “you create your reality” business, claiming she can’t believe what she’s learning, even though she’s already produced a number of powerful examples showing it works!
In other words, she wants to be right. She want’s to be right about the fact that Trump will find this young girl and her family and deport them. And she’s angry and miserable about it.
Meanwhile, right now, none of that has happened. The girl is fine. Life is good. The client is mentoring her. All is well.
It’s crazy focusing on some terrible future in a way that has us feel bad. That’s because we only have the now. The future hasn’t happened yet. So we’re feeling bad for nothing, right now, because there’s nothing we can do about some future act we fear.
Well, there is something we can do. We can create a better future. And we can do that right now. But we can’t when we’re using the now to create a worse future, which is what we’re doing when we are in fear or worry.
That’s a problem.
Unconscious insanity
It should be clear that it’s a problem because the future we’ve created from our past fear and worry we’re living in now. Trump won. And he’s had four years of experience informing what he’s going to do next. Between when he first ran and right now, we had the opportunity to create a better, preferred future.
But what did we do? Did we use that time to do that? Nope! We doubled down! We worried, attacked Trump and his allies. Whatever he and his allies did, we paid attention to and railed against it. We watched all kinds of media about it and shared it with our friends while wagging fingers and shaking heads.
In other words, we focused on what we didn’t want. And so now, we’re getting what we focused on and thereby created. I described this in my previous post.
The problem with using the now by filling it with fear and worry is that when we create futures from there, we have to experience those futures we create! So it makes sense to stop fear-ing and worry-ing and instead find better-feeling thoughts. When we do that, we create better-feeling futures.
But we can’t create around or previous creations. In other words, we’ve created the world where Trump is the next president. So now we must live through that. And if we keep worrying and fearing, which is what put him in office in the first place, we’re doubling down and thus getting more of what we don’t want.
That’s not just crazy, it’s insane.
Accepting our unwanted creation
Our happiness is our super power. It enables us to get everything we want. It literally is the power we possess, power we can use to literally create our reality. So let’s look at how we can use that power to create a better future for ourselves as a community.
Before we can do that, we must first accept what we’ve already created. We can’t create around what we’ve already created. Nor do we want to try to create a reality as a reaction to that unwanted outcome we created. That’s how Trump ended up in office in the first place: a lot of progressives, trans people included, tried getting Harris in office by railing against Trump. That doesn’t work!
So instead, we must accept what we’ve done. Then look at a future we want and focus only on that. That can be hard for people in terror about the future. So maybe it’s better to soothe that terror, that fear, by first telling better-feeling stories about what’s coming.
Let’s start there. And let’s use as an example, the child my client is mentoring.
What better feeling stories can we tell about that situation? There are plenty. Let’s take a look at those in a minute.
Getting what we want
First, we must know we’re not doing anything to change the child’s experience. The child, let’s call her Lupe, is a creator just as we are. She’s in charge of creating her reality and she wouldn’t have it any other way. What we are doing is doing something to change our reality. We’re coming up with better-feeling stories or beliefs, so that we can live a future in which we can see everything working out for us.
That requires more explanation.
If you look at life, you’ll see that everything does work out. While it’s working out, it may not look like it’s working out. And it may not look like how we’d prefer it to work out as it’s working out. But it always works out. So it’s important to get that that working out works out, even if it looks like it’s not working out in the way we think it should.
That makes sense because the Universe is having things work out for everyone at the same time. For that to happen, “working out” must look like an extremely winding path, not a straight shot right to what we want. And besides, often, what we think we want, isn’t what we really want.
For example, we might want a relationship. But we haven’t cleaned up our anger, our self-loathing or our belief that we’re not worthy of having a relationship. With all those things in place in us, we’ll get relationships. But those relationships will reflect back to us all those things in us. And so they’ll suck.
It all works out
Those relationships are serving us. They’re showing us what we must clean up to get the relationship we really want. But if we don’t know that, we might fight against those relationships and the men in them. We might call them chasers and fetishizers. We might claim they’re using us, not seeing us for who we are. Like this person who commented on a recent post of mine and simultaneously victimized herself and vilified men she meets, both being actions that are not in her best interest.
When we do that, we’re doubling down on those things in us, instead of aligning with what we want: a relationship. In the meantime, those relationships reflecting those things back to us are giving us what we want: They’re giving us a relationship, and they’re giving us situations reflecting what’s in us so we can clean them up. Do that, and our relationships will get better, until we end up in one that matches our cleaned up inner state.
So the Universe gives us what we want, but only the part of what we want that we’re ready for. It’s not usually going to give us what we want in the way we think it should. That’s usually because we don’t know what’s happening. But it’s also because the Universe has a lot more resources and means at its disposal than we can possibly fathom. It’s through that unfathomable means that the Universe gives all of us what we want simultaneously.
And that’s why Trump is coming into office. We’re getting what we want. We just think we know how that’s supposed to happen and when. Meanwhile, the Universe is doing it in the way it knows gives everyone what they want in the end. It all works out, in other words.
How to feel better through our thoughts
So there’s Lupe. She’s at the dinner table and we’re mentoring her. What better-feeling stories can we make up about her situation? Ones that we’ll feel better when we tell them?
Here are thirteen examples:
There are many million illegal immigrants in the US. The government can’t possibly deport all of them. It would cost too much and take way too much manpower.
Even if the government tries to deport them all, many of them will probably fall through the cracks. They won’t find them all. Maybe they will miss Lupe’s family.
If things get too crazy, the American people won’t stand for it. Look what happened with the “Kids in cages” situation. And that started under a Democratic Administration! Certainly something like that won’t happen for long should it happen again.
Lupe’s young. She’s going to be ok whatever happens.
There are lots of people living happily in the country Lupe’s from. Going back to her home country is not the end of the world.
Lupe’s smart, she’s strong. She’s going to be ok.
Lupe’s with her family here. If she goes back where her family’s from, she’ll be with more family. It will work out.
Things will probably change in the future. Lupe will be able to come back more likely.
Life is long. Things are always changing.
This situation will pass.
Worrying about this is doing nothing for me but making me miserable. I’m going to stop thinking about this and eat some ice cream.
This fear I’m feeling is useless. I can’t do anything about it right now anyway. Trump isn’t even in office yet.
Trump usually has been his own worst enemy. His success doesn’t last. Maybe this will be another example.
This list isn’t all inclusive. Plenty more better-feeling thoughts exist.
Stop being crazy
And the thing about these better-feeling stories is, they don’t have to be true. All they have to do is make us feel even a smidgen better. That’s important for several reasons.
The first is about our life in general. A life lived happily-ever-after is composed of many “happy now” moments. It’s about living happy now. And now. And now…until we’re dead. So when we’re not happy now, we’re not living happily-ever-after.
Second, the now is the only moment we have. Why use that now to feel miserable, especially about something we can’t do right now. Trump is not in office yet.
Three, our power is in the now. By creating better-feeling moods in the now, we align with better-feeling futures. So it’s in our best interest to be happy now.
Four, our positivity is as contagious as our negativity. We don’t help anyone by spreading our negativity all over the place.
Lastly, everything always works out. If that’s true, and it is, why be miserable? It’s all working out anyway, so why not be happy?
The problem, the crazy, insane problem, is, people apparently would rather be right than happy. They’d rather squander their power, which always is in the now, by thinking they know what the future holds, and feeling miserable in the process. That’s crazy and insane.
Especially when the future can be deliberately shaped by every one of us! We’re doing it anyway! It’s just that when we’re miserable and right, we’re shaping a future we’re not going to like.
I say give that up. Stop being crazy. And watch how life gets better. Even with Trump in office.
TL;DR: The author argues for happiness as the one thing that will give people everything they want. They also describe the origins of All That Is as individual consciousness and encourage trans and trans-attracted people to discover this “truth”.
It seems crazy to say in this divided world we live in, especially when it comes to trans people, but the evidence is overwhelming: The happier we are, the better the world goes.
This is especially true for transgender and trans-attracted people. After all, we came into the world with world-changing intentions. That’s why we come in completely outside the “normal” box: because in our being we offer world transformation.
And when we align with happiness that is our natural state, then not only does our life go well shining like a beacon of how good life can be for others, the world gets bathed in that light as well. As a result, the world changes for the better.
But if we’re poopy about what we see in the world we come into, we just create more of that. Then we start believing all that we see is “true”. And then, we’re in trouble.
Because when we start trading in “true” we’ve lost our way. We came here to shape the future, not create more of what is; more of what is “true”.
We shape the future for ourselves, our friends and family and for the world around us through our happiness. Most people don’t realize that, especially trans and trans-attracted people. It’s why so many of us and other people are mostly unhappy. But when we remember who and what we are, life gets really good.
Let’s take a look today at both how and why happiness is our world-changing super power.
Let’s start with an accurate story
Imagine, if you would, that you have been in existence since the beginning of time. Way, way way back then, nothing existed; only you and potential. So out of that potential you created all that is. And in that bang, you watched things unfold.
As they unfolded, you saw things coming to be. You also saw things going out of being. As those things came and went, you knew there could be more. And so you created more. That “more” human science calls evolution. It’s not that, but whatever.
As more came into being, eventually more and more capable forms of more emerged. That included conscious life. And as that life expanded into more, you noticed something interesting; something invigorating: everything that came after what came before was better.
And those things that preceded the more, as they reemerged into the potential of All That Is, those things returned to their innate oneness of All That Is!
More, more, more…
The more this cycle continued, the more varied life got. And the more varied it got, the more complex things got. Despite all that complexity however, things always became more. And as all that “moreness” happened, you saw that it was all good, because no matter how things turned out, the things, as they turned out, either became more, or they reemerged into the potential of All That Is.
So imagine, now, here you are billions of human years later. All the things that have become more, all the things that have become and returned to potential, and all the things that have happened in that transformation of more becoming more, continues.
How would you feel about all of this happening over billions and billions of years? Would you be unhappy? Of course not. All you could see happening was becoming more, more complex more interesting…more a representative of what you are; an eternal being. And over those billions and billions of years as things worked out, you, yourself, would have become more too. And in that moreness, watching all that more happening, you would become more and more optimistic, more and more surprised.
You would become more and more delighted. And more and more eager. Your eagerness, delight, surprise and optimism would turn to appreciation for all that has come before. And that appreciation would express itself for all that has come and all that is yet to come.
Reveling in your trans/trans-attraction status
Then in your curiosity and joy, you’d want to become part of the moreness. You’d want to participate; see what it’s like in the “first person”. And so you’d put yourself into the process, becoming things, beings and elements that are making the more possible. In that experience, you’d experience terror, joy, pain, loss, happiness, triumph and more. And all the while as you moved in and out of those “first person” experiences, your appreciation would expand. It, those emotions, would become more too.
What do you think that process would evolve to, that emotional process of becoming more? Of course it would evolve into even more powerful emotions: love, being paramount.
That is what you are. You are pure love, experiencing for a brief time, a human experience. You as love energy are wanting to participate eternally in what you got started eons ago. And, as you participate, you want more. You want different experiences than those that came before. You want experiences that haven’t happened before. This is the more you crave.
So it makes sense, from this perspective that you’d come into the world as transgender or trans-attracted; two aspects you perhaps have never experienced before; as expressions of more.
Now, from that eternal perspective, would you be all poopy about being trans? Would you worry about friends or family disowning you or misgendering you? Of course not. Would you worry about people thinking you’re gay because you’re trans-attracted? Would YOU think you’re gay? Nope! You’d relish in your being. You’d be excited about your trans status. Everything you experience as a trans-attracted person would light your fire!
Happy while human
Well dear reader, what you’ve just read is what you are. But you’re only that when you, as the “first person” experiences their life in the same way that eternal being that is you experiences it. You have the option to not experience it that way, because you gave yourself free will. But when you don’t experience it that way, then you feel awful!
That awful feeling is on purpose because you want to feel your eternal knowing. You want to experience your eternal knowing because you know when you do that, you have access to something eminently powerful.
And that eminently powerful thing is that which you are. That’s right, you are the eminently powerful thing. And as that you can create any experience you want, because you’ve created everything else in your experience in your desire for more.
But accessing all the power you are requires you being that powerful thing. You do that by embracing your happiness. Happiness is our super power because when we embrace it and live in it, then we align ourselves with that full-blown powerful being that we are, yes, even while we’re experiencing human life.
So being happy while you’re a human is critical. It literally is the process by which all you want will come to you. This power is not magic though. Something important must be understood to enjoy the power you are. We’ll talk about that next.
Reaching for happiness allows all we want to happen.
It’s where “reality” comes from
Remember: we all come into the world having forgotten. Until we remember, we’re still using all that immense power to create. Everything surrounding us is our creation. That includes family members who refuse to acknowledge you as a woman as well as those who might be really angry if you come out as trans-attracted.
Where else do you think these people come from?
Situations are exactly the same. They reflect the confusion in you. Or they reflect the conflict within you. If you don’t want to be trans, but are, life will reflect that conflict back to you. You’ll attract experiences of people hating or rising up against trans people. Other things might happen too. You might lose your job or feel you must quit. You might even experience physical attacks or be ridiculed while using the women’s bathroom.
How else do you think you’re experiencing these things?
The problem with thinking they are separate from you and happening because there are people in the world who hate what you are is, when you think those thoughts, they run counter to what’s happening. What’s happening is you’re creating these experiences in order to clean up your distorted beliefs. The experiences are true! They are happening! But they don’t have to happen.
They will though and they’ll continue until you accept all that you are and feel appreciation for it.
Physical reality is a reflection of our inner state. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)
A powerful sentence
When you accept all that you are, you’re primed then to come in to appreciation of who you are. Not appreciation for being trans or trans-attracted, although that’s a great first step. I’m talking about appreciating you as cause in the matter; as the originator of all you experience.
It is in that appreciation that you step into your power. After all, the following sentence can be seen as positive or negative:
I create everything I experience!
Most people, especially trans women, see that as a negative sentence. They feel blame in it or that their situation is their fault because of it. That’s because they feel themselves as hapless victims subject to people making laws restricting their rights and freedoms.
People who know what I’m writing about see that sentence in an empowering way. They see the opportunity in it. They realize nothing can happen to them that they don’t create. Then they realize they can create anything they want. And that’s the power of knowing who and what we are as eternal beings.
It’s available right now
There’s no greater power than our happiness. But in order to experience happiness we must first clear out all that creation we’ve created from our disempowered perspective. The one that has us seeing that statement above as an indictment as opposed to the powerful realization it is.
So it takes a while to make permanent the state of happiness I’m writing about. The great thing is, the happiness can come immediately. At first it won’t hang around for long because of bogus beliefs we have cultivated for as long as we’ve been alive. But in time, as we soothe those old beliefs, the happiness hangs around longer and longer.
Then, as that happens, really wonderful life experiences start happening. As I’ve written above, life is a reflection. It reflects back to us, in the form of people, circumstances and events, our inner state. And if our inner state is mainly happy, then our life must reflect that.
And it will.
I write every week about how to cultivate that state of being. I also share examples of clients doing exactly what you’ve read, and producing evidence proving everything you’ve read to themselves. So you don’t have to just take my words for it. Evidence abounds proving what you’ve read is accurate.
So the question is, how long are you going to be unhappy, anxious, and insecure? I would suggest you stop right now. Stop and cultivate your super power: happiness.
TL;DR: The author shares a trans-attracted client’s surprising example to show how astonishing life can be, they say, when one realizes thoughts and beliefs create reality and puts that realization into action.
Massive confusion reigns within the minds of trans-attracted men. Such men struggle with beliefs that torment them. They think they’re gay. Some worry about what their friends and family will say if such people knew about their trans-attraction. Others worry about losing things they need. Their job for example.
So when their life gives them no choice but to accept their trans-attraction, many of these men struggle in confusion. It’s like they feel they have nowhere to turn. It’s no wonder so many are on the down-low. Nor is it a wonder that some think about killing themselves.
Just as many trans women do.
It’s the same matter. Trans women struggle with confusion as well. They too turn to society for validation. It’s why many, many trans women hold up cis women as their ideal of what it means to be a woman.
In other words, trans-attracted men and trans women have so much in common, pairings between the two could provide a nurturing, safe space for both parties. Why they don’t provide that space for one another is no surprise either. Both sides blame one another for their experience.
This story is about a trans-attracted man who also is a Transamorous Network client. It’s about how he’s working through his confusion and struggle. It shows how accurate “you create your reality through the stories you tell” is. It also shows how, when a person learns how they create their reality, then uses that knowledge to their advantage, amazing things happen.
Let’s dive in.
Getting unstuck
Like many clients, this guy once struggled with suicidal thoughts. Those thoughts came from disempowering interpretations of his early life experiences. None of those past experiences were bad. Experience never is. Instead, they revealed to him at an early age that he was not “straight”.
There are not a lot of straight people on the planet. But because of fear of being something other than straight, people pigeon-hole themselves into that label. Trans women do the same thing in seeing themselves as women. They compare themselves to the cis ideal, then demean themselves when they don’t measure up.
For this client, his fear of being gay, and his negative interpretation of what happened in those experiences, built negative momentum within him. This client, who I’ll call John, made all those negative interpretations about himself. As a result, he hated himself. In time, those interpretations became beliefs about himself, which is why he wanted to kill himself.
Wanting to kill one’s self is a natural thing. It happens when someone builds up negative momentum born of negative interpretations that eventually become negative beliefs. Those beliefs then create real world experiences proving them “true”. When that happens, those experiences become more and more one’s reality. This process happens on any subject.
When a person finds themselves stuck in extremely strong, negative beliefs, especially about themselves, wanting to end it all often is the best outcome. Especially if the person can’t find a way out of that torment. And many can’t.
Even so, everyone can get unstuck. They came into human form for a reason. That reason didn’t include checking out early, even though some do. John is someone who found his way out.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves…
Projection is common
Like many people stuck in self-hatred, John projected his self-hatred out into the world. Projection happens a lot in humanity. It makes sense if you think about it. Very few people realize where their external reality comes from. They don’t know the external reality they see comes from their inner state of being. It makes sense then that if a person doesn’t know their external reality springs from their inner state – thoughts and beliefs – then rather than doing something about their thoughts and beliefs, they’ll blame their external reality for their troubles.
That often includes blaming other people. That’s what some trans women are doing when they blame “chasers” for their inability to meet a partner. And it’s what some trans-attracted men do when they say they can’t find a wholesome trans woman.
A trans-attracted man blaming his troubles in finding a trans girlfriend on the fact that “so many trans people are “pros” – meaning sex workers. But his problem is his belief that this belief is true.
But people, like everything else in our lives, are reflections too. Versions of people we meet reflect back to us what’s going on in us. So if we think all men are chasers, for example, we only meet those kinds of men. Men, if you think all trans women are pros, that’s what you’re going to find. Yes, it’s that simple.
The target of John’s projection was cis women. He blamed a lot of what he didn’t like on the fact that cis women wouldn’t give him attention. John didn’t realize cis women spurning him was happening because he spurned himself and because he is trans-attracted and would be better off focusing on trans women. So he blamed cis women for rejecting him.
It’s vibration, momentum and attraction…not effort
While projecting his hatred onto cis women, John also wanted cis women. More directly, he wanted sex. But his trans-attraction caused him to meet cis women who were equally as unsure as he was about what he wanted. John’s trans attraction is a part of what and who he is. Just like a trans woman’s trans-ness is a part of who and what she is.
But he’s confused as to what he really wants. He knows he really, really is drawn to trans women. Because he questions his trans attraction, however, he tries to be with cis women as a way of figuring himself out.
That’s a problem.
John also wants sex. And he’s confused about whether he wants sex with cis women, or sex with trans women, even though he experiences mind-blowing sex with trans women. His desire for sex with a cis woman is a further attempt to convince himself that he’s not trans-attracted.
Of course, cis woman aren’t stupid. But more important, they are as sensitive to vibration as any other person. So when John tries to convince himself he’s straight, by trying to get a cis woman to have sex with, they always can feel John’s inner struggle. Every time he tries to woo cis women’s attention, therefore, they, in his words, reject him. This is why John hates cis women.
It’s even more complicated
The women he approaches are also matches to John’s confusion. And, they are mirrors. They reflect all of John’s self-rejection back to him.
Not realizing all this, John started paying (a lot) for “the art of seduction” coaching. A particularly popular offerer of that content caught his attention. Before long, John was thousands of dollars into this approach.
But it never worked for him. Women kept spurning him.
I tell clients many things over and over. So much so I sound like a broken record, I know. But as one client said recently “sometimes it takes time for what you tell us to move from our heads to our hearts.” I totally get that because I was once in my clients’ shoes. So when you read what you’re about to read, I get that it won’t likely sink in at first. Ready? Here it comes:
Taking action doesn’t make ANYTHING happen. Everything happening is a result of vibration, momentum and attraction.
This explains why John’s indulgence in “seduction coaching” wasn’t working. All the action in the world, all the money in the world, can’t overcome the negative momentum of his persistent negative beliefs. Abraham puts it plainly:
Misogyny: projected self hatred
It’s no wonder then, that John’s inability to get what he wanted through “seduction coaching” deepened his self-hatred. It seemed the more he tried, the worse he got rejected. At his wits end, he discovered The Transamorous Network.
It took a while, but, as a client, John discovered several things about himself. One thing he realized was he had turned into a misogynist. He doesn’t like admitting this, but it’s accurate. In fact, I’d argue most misogynists have some self hatred going on. Just as many, many transphobes have self hatred happening inside them, often because such people are themselves either transgender or trans-attracted. So misogynists project their self hatred onto women in the same way transphobes project their self-hatred onto trans people.
But…that’s another story.
One day, John expressed wanting to try to go out with a cis woman as a way of figuring his way through his confusion. This was after a long period of focusing on other priorities through his client work. I suggested he do so as a way of seeing how he was doing soothing his old beliefs. I told him the woman he would meet would be a perfect match to where he was now in soothing his self hatred. He’d learn a lot too, I told him.
Boy, did he learn a lot!
The woman he met, let’s call her Meg, was quite a bit older. They decided to go on a hike. John was super clear with Meg about his disinterest in dating or even a relationship. He also was up front about his trans attraction, which seemed to not bother Meg. John told her he was exploring and really looking for a casual hook-up. Meg told him she was open to that, but she wasn’t ready just yet.
The hike went well. At the end of the day though, Meg hadn’t contacted John. When John reached out, Meg said in a text that she enjoyed her time with him but didn’t think they were a match.
This sent John into a tail spin. It triggered all his past beliefs about himself and, through projection, about women. Over the next four days, John doubled down on these old beliefs making himself more and more miserable. As far as John was concerned, Meg was, in his words now, a crazy bitch, a cunt and liar and more. All the while John felt more and more unwanted, rejected and miserable.
What John had trouble understanding over those days was the following. John wasn’t miserable because of what Meg did or didn’t do. John was miserable and angry, for sure. But those emotions told John something he really wanted to know. They told him beliefs he held about himself and women are not the same beliefs his Broader Perspective knows about those subjects.
This is an important bit of information and I’ll dive a bit deeper next because it’s important to understand. Knowing this information also helps us appreciate what happened next.
The valuable message of our emotions
Physical reality is, as I wrote above, a reflection. But a lot of people don’t know this. They also don’t know they come equipped with a hugely beneficial tool to help them move through this reflection towards everything they want. That tool is their emotions.
Every human is, of course, more than human. We are all eternal beings. We’re also much more than can fit into a single human body. So when we become human, we put a portion of us into the human body. Meanwhile the vast majority of what we are remains in nonphysical; the place from which we come.
When we sort of split ourselves up like that, that part of us remaining outside our bodies enjoys a birds eye view of our lives. That part of us can see all the choices we might, will and will not make. It sees the alternate probable future realities flowing from all those choices. Yes, even the ones we will not make. All of these futures fulfill our main purpose for being, which is expanding All That Is and ourselves in the process. So our Broader Perspective is keenly, always, seeing what’s happening as uber positive.
It also delights in wherever we are in the moment because it can see how where we are is the perfect place for us at that moment. So it always sees our present moment in the most positive light. When we don’t see our present moment that way, we feel negative emotion.
So emotions help us integrate the part of us in our bodies with the part of us that remains where we come from. I’ll share why that integration is important next.
It’s all about inspired action
Because our Broader Perspective enjoys that birds eye view, and because it knows what we want at all times, it constantly sends us messages – clues or gut feelings – which will lead us to what we want. But to receive those messages, we must open ourselves to perceiving them. We do that by integrating ourselves, matching our perspective of life in our physical bodies to the perspective of our life our Broader Perspective has. Do that and we can “hear” the messages.
Follow the messages and our life unfolds in a seeming magical way. Everything we want comes easily, often with no effort. Remember what you read above about action? Action doesn’t make things happen. What action does do is, when we take it, that action positions us in the reality coordinates of time and space where the final unfolding of what we want appears.
Inspired action is action taken as a result of hearing our Broader Perspective’s messages. When we get a message and we follow it immediately, we rendezvous with a delightful unfolding. But All That Is is always in motion. So if we delay, if we hesitate when we get a message, then we miss the rendezvous. Taking inspired action immediately then, is key.
So emotions are guides. They help us know, at any given moment, how aligned we are with our Broader Perspective. That tells us whether we can hear messages we send ourselves. And, when we hear the message and take the inspired action, we rendezvous with the ongoing Charmed Life I write about here. The life where everything happens with very little effort.
Let’s turn back to John’s story now.
A huge gift given to himself
It took a long time for John to understand what I was telling him when I told him, in response to his vitriol, that Meg was actually an angel he created for himself to see how his beliefs are making himself miserable. That his misery, which is an emotion, was a huge gift he was sending himself.
Can you see how it was a huge gift?
And for sure, Meg was an angel. Another way of putting it is, Meg was a reality John created for himself as a reflection, so that he can be aware of and do something about his beliefs. She was, what we call a cooperative component to John getting what he wants. For he can’t get what he wants if he’s not integrated with his Broader Perspective. And “misery” tells him he’s not integrated!
So his experience with Meg was a huge gift.
As I told him before, Meg was also a perfect match. She was unsure of what she wanted, as much as he was. She reflected his self-rejection back to him by expressing no future interest in him. Again, it wasn’t something John wanted to hear. I’m so glad therefore that the Universe stepped in and offered John an experience that brought that message home.
An astonishing unfolding
John felt a bit better after our talk. It took a while, but we’re all eternal, so how long it takes doesn’t matter. One day he got the inspired action to go to Whole Foods. He didn’t realize this was inspired action though. He just thought he was running an errand. That perspective was about to completely change.
While shopping, a little girl came up to John and, as he describes it, started a delightful conversation with him. John described the experience as “sweet” in a text he sent me just after the encounter.
But what really surprised me was what John texted next. Mind you, he was feeling much better after venting his vitriol at someone (me) who could channel that energy to his benefit rather than amplify it. Here’s his interpretation of that Whole Foods rendezvous:
Isn’t that an astonishing interpretation? Of course, when John shared that he couldn’t help but feel extremely positive emotion about himself, about the girl and about the experience. That’s because this interpretation was spot on. It also was exactly why the Universe brought him and the child together: so that he could further soothe his bogus beliefs. Beliefs about women and about himself.
John said he didn’t have words to express how delightful that experience was. He felt a shift happen in him, something that he hadn’t felt before. And he couldn’t believe it happened the way it did; through an experience with a child.
What happened next surprised John even more.
Dreams are critical
Over the next several nights, John had a series of dreams. These dreams took him to new heights of wonder and amazement.
Dream work is a big part of what I offer clients. That’s because dreams are a big part of life. Ninety-five percent of what’s necessary for us to have what we want happens in nonphysical. “Dream state” is another way of describing nonphysical. When we dream, we leave our bodies in bed. We join all the cooperative components in nonphysical. There we witness and interact with those components as they assemble everything needed — people, events, resources — so our desires unfold.
The reason I include dream work is because conscious awareness of what’s happening when we sleep builds confidence and trust that all we want is happening on our behalf. Conscious awareness of dream activity is also extremely satisfying.
Another reason dream work is important is because it makes us aware that we are far more than our physical bodies. We become acquainted with all the other dimensions, the alternate and probable realities, in which we are active, just as we are active here in this reality.
Acquainting ourselves with our broader activities also lessens our fear of death and increases our belief that we are eternal. So dream work is a critical part of the practice.
John’s crucible
I ask clients that they record their dreams so we can interpret them together. This helps clients become more familiar with the dream world. It also softens their resistance to perceiving dreams.
Everyone dreams, but for important reasons, most people don’t know they dream. Many who do often forget them the moment they wake.
John fits in this category. Even so, he realized over several dreams in the ensuing days that he was sending himself an important message as evidenced in his text:
In our next session John and I marveled over these dreams. They were cluing him in on the process he’s going through, which very much feels to him like a crucible. Interestingly, John had never heard of the word before this. A crucible is something, usually a process something or someone goes through, that includes a severe trial. And through that trial a purification happens.
So John realized these dreams were about soothing himself around the idea that he’s doing the work. Doing the work and benefitting from the work he’s doing. John was stunned in how applicable his dreams were. And he marveled the whole session about how well he was doing.
The unfolding in totality
I would love to end this story here, but that would be disingenuous. For as much as this experience moved John, he’s still struggling with reality as created by him, according to his still dominant negative belief momentum.
To understand what happened next, we have to recap what happened over the week I’m sharing about. John took my advice to test out his current vibrational state on the subject of his self-hatred and projecting that self-hatred onto cis women, by going out with one. That experience matched him with a person perfectly matching his vibration, Meg, who reflected perfectly back to John where he currently is.
John struggled over the next few days, but was able to finally soothe some of his negative momentum on the subject of himself and cis women. Soothing himself, he came into alignment with his Broader Perspective, which nudged him to Whole Foods where he rendezvoused with a fabulous amplification of the ongoing learning, which came in the form of a child.
Meanwhile, John further soothed himself in dreams in which he realized he was moving through a crucible.
But the Universe and his Broader Perspective weren’t done. In the marvelous, astonishing experience with that child, John integrated even more with his Broader Perspective. And so, the Universe brought him another gift.
A sick thrill
As we expand, the Universe will deliver more opportunity to expand even further. This is the never-ending process of expansion for ourselves and All That Is. It can’t be stated strongly enough: this is a NEVER-ENDING PROCESS. It’s that process of never-ending expansion that gives birth to our eternity.
John was in a strong post-expansion state of awareness in his realization of how profound his Whole Foods rendezvous was. So, John, the Universe and his Broader Perspective served up another opportunity for expansion. What that looked like was a surfacing of a series of old beliefs John has which also must be soothed for continued expansion.
These beliefs involved two subjects John has a lot of negative momentum around. One has to do with friends who, in John’s telling “rejected”, “disrespected” and “marginalized” him during what he would say was a time of need in his life. The other has to do with how he felt, again, disrespected, used and marginalized, by a trans woman for whom he has extremely strong positive feelings.
But John didn’t see the surfacing of these beliefs, and their associated negative emotion, as an expansion opportunity. Instead, he let these beliefs trigger even more powerful, negative emotions. Until he found himself in the depths of powerlessness, grief and, again, self-hatred:
John sent the text above two days after the Whole Foods event, the dreams, and after doing exactly what his text described over those two days.
It’s good we’re eternal
Many clients struggle with this. This “you create your reality” business is serious. It can be fun too, thrilling even, when you see everything you want happening with no effort on your part.
But until one builds evidence of that happening, it can be a real slog.
We can’t create a new reality without soothing the reality we’ve created. And if that created reality is extremely negative, then it’s going to take a while to soothe. And, that reality will keep asserting itself, not as punishment, but because of momentum. Which is why it’s a good idea to see it reasserting itself as a positive thing.
This is another reason why it’s a good thing we’re eternal. There’s no rush to John soothing his hold momentum, wherein he’s numbing himself and feeling suicidal. He has all of eternity to do it. And he is doing it.
The empowering news is, he’s the only one who can do it. No one else will or can stand in his way and prevent the work from happening. No one but him. For just as he’s the only one who can do it, he’s also the only one who can keep himself from doing it. That applies to every client. It also applies to every person.
No one prevents any of us from having what we want. We all do that to ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to get that our reality springs from our thoughts and beliefs. Armed with that knowledge, we can create any reality we want. Everyone can. Even trans and trans-attracted people.
