Tag: trans women

Posted on

Why It’s Not Bad When People Get Romance Scammed

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.

No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.

Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. As with every event, getting scammed vibrationally matches a similar inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.

This is what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.

I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week on my other blog. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.

But it’s not. It’s very, very positive. And it’s something that could improve every trans woman’s and trans-attracted man’s experience in finding love.

Desperation: a great money maker

As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled not to.

As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.

Not only that. It’s getting stronger.

And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.

Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.

No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. That’s especially true in the trans community, which includes trans-attracted people. Folks are willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re willing to kiss a lot of frogs too!

Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love people seek in the world around them exists right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.

The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.

Conditional love or unconditional love?

The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.

Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.

Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.

A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.

Finding her way

So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.

This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.

She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.

And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.

In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving telling positive stories works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.

Posted on

The Universe Is The Best Trans Dating Service

Photo by Jamez Picard on Unsplash

I so love when the universe helps clients realize they can trust it, instead of “doing”. That’s what happened this week with a client seeking love.

If you’ve read some posts here before, you know I encourage readers avoid online dating. It’s costly. It rarely succeeds. And it’s not very fun. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people.

Recently, a client came to her own understanding of this. She realized, unconsciously, as most clients do, that the Universe is a wish-granting jewel. It constantly fulfills every desire.

Just because it does that, though, doesn’t mean we receive every desire fulfilled. To receive, we must be tuned in. We must be on the same frequency of the fulfilled desire. That means, of course, following Broader Perspective impulses. If we do that, we end up at the perfect place and time to real-ize fulfilled desire.

However, most of us don’t know how to hear impulses. So we move through life haphazardly. Doing that, we learn to rely on “doing”. Especially when looking for that perfect trans woman. Or that guy who will accept us for who we are. We try making things happen, instead of allowing them to happen for us.

That’s what lead to my client’s epiphany.

Attachment breeds unconsciousness

My client currently is in love. Rather, she thinks she is. Actually, she’s in very strong attachment. Strong attachment over this guy she thinks is “The One”. The problem is, no person is that. The only “The One” in our lives is us. In other words, we each are our own “The One”.

Most of us don’t realize this though. That’s because human society talks us out of our inner knowing. We then forget we are eternal. We forget we are eternally loved and that no love can compare to that. Especially conditional love of another human.

This client finds herself thus. She’s struggling, therefore. She’s struggling because she’s experiencing things about this guy she doesn’t like. Every time they spend time together and get close, for example, he freaks out. Intimacy frightens him. So he’ll waffle. One day he’s all Lovey-dovey. The next day, he “needs space.”

This pattern may sound familiar.

The problem for my client is her attachment. She wants so bad for this person to change. But he can’t change when she focuses so much on his behavior. Behavior reflecting her own waffling way of being.

That’s right, my client realizes in this contrast presented by this guy that she was this way in relationship for decades. So here she is having her dominant way of being in relationship reflected back to her.

I told her this was the purpose of this relationship. To have her see what stories she’s telling. To have her see them so that she can change her stories.

But she’s not having that. Which has her suffering in indecision and strong resistance. Resistance she thinks is desire. Resistance she thinks is love.

Which is why what happened next is so compelling.

The Universe delivers

While my client holds onto her attachment for dear life, her focus on what she doesn’t want already has created what she does want. The Universe already answered her desire for a better relationship, in other words.

And even though she witnessed this unfolding, which I’ll describe in a moment, her attachment still has her pining for this one guy, rather than going with the flow of her unfolding manifestation. Here’s what that looks like:

“I was on my Facebook profile,” she explained one session. We were talking about her dating possibilities and how the Universe keys up an infinite stream of better quality men for her.

“I rarely visit that profile,” She said. “But when I did lately, I noticed I had 150 new friend requests!”

Then she changed the subject: “I’m on eHarmony,” She said. “None of the men I see there are attractive to me. It’s depressing.”

The client said she wondered while viewing her online dating profile if she should date only widowers. She thinks such men would be better matches. That’s because, supposedly, they had long, enduring relationships right up to the bitter end! Then she said she also thought she should date only engineers, since she gets along with such guys easily. (She used to work in an engineering-heavy industry.)

“So when I looked at the friend requests,” She explained, coming back to the original subject. “Four of them were really handsome men. All four were widowers and all were engineers! And…each of them expressed interest in me! That’s so weird! “

“Weird” means “I’m oblivious”

“Weird” is a common refrain from clients. Like the majority of people, they don’t get how consistently Universe delivers on all desires. So they don’t experience enough evidence of this in their lives. When I point it out as happening, they can’t believe it’s just how the Universe works. They instead see these experiences as standing out. As strange. As “weird”.

In time, anyone will move beyond “weird” to just accepting their worthiness. But until then, people just can’t accept that these “coincidences” are how the Universe works. In other words, they’re oblivious. And that obliviousness blocks them from seeing their desires fulfilling themselves, like this client seeing the Universe give her matches without her having to do anything.

This obliviousness is why people are dating online. And trying to “make” other things happen in their lives. They think “doing” is the key to getting what they want. When in fact, relaxing and trusting will make it happen easier and with more fun.

People make a lot of money off other people thinking “doing” is the only way.

I encouraged my client to get this. That the Universe knows better how to deliver what she wants. And that no amount of doing can replace the power and leverage of the Universe.

She’s still attached. So she’s still struggling. But the wonder wasn’t wasted on me. I reveled in the awareness giving me insight into the gift the client received. Even if she didn’t enjoy that awareness fully…yet.

Because I know, in time, should she continue, she will gain that awareness. It’s the natural unfolding of All That Is. All That Is, which is what we all are.

Discover how the Universe is serving you with utmost loyalty. Contact me. Let’s get you started in your own practice.

Posted on

A Trans Woman On The Ins And Outs Of Anal

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

I’m constantly on edge in my relationship with Muriel. That’s because I never know when she’s going to blow my mind.

That’s what happened this morning while chatting with her online. We talked about having sex with trans women. As our conversations usually do, this one got deep, quick.

Balls deep.

Specifically, we talked about the ins and outs of anal sex. No pun intended.

Some transgender clients express slight frustration with particulars of that sex style. After all, vaginal sex doesn’t require preparations necessary for good, clean anal. So some of my trans clients have less interest in sex at frequencies compatible with what they believe men will want.

Men will want sex more often than my clients, they say. Because of that, my clients fear they won’t be able to satisfy their men. It requires too much preparation. Other clients express lack of sexual interest due to HRT medication. That too, they fear will cause dissatisfaction in their partners.

Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.

As my GF and I talked about this, she went off. She shared a perspective I wasn’t prepared for. A perspective offering a no BS take on what anal is really about, what it offers and what it doesn’t. She also waxed poetically on a problem she thinks many trans women have:

I wonder how many trans women look at their sexual parts this way. Help me out: do you think you offer a substandard alternative to vaginal sex? Are you also thinking their partners won’t want anal as an alternative?

Muriel obviously has thought this over. Perhaps it’s something every trans woman must come to grips with. Muriel has come to a great place on it:

I think she has a point about trans women seeing themselves as second class. Second class to cis women. AND second class in terms of what they offer male partners sexually.

But there are plenty of men who enjoy anal sex. And, just to be clear, there are plenty of cis-women who enjoy anal over vaginal sex too. I even dated one some time ago. She LOVED getting it in the ass!

Meanwhile, as we all know, anal sex comes with poop. Trying to clean all that out prior to sex does offer logistics that can put the kibosh on spontaneity. It doesn’t have to though. Nor does the butt need to play second fiddle to the vagina. For women without a vagina, the “anal isn’t an alternative to vagina” must be unraveled. It’s not an alternative. It’s something altogether different.

No apologies

And this is where self affirmation comes in. Self affirmation means finding worthiness in who we are as we are. Self validation is another word for it. It’s the opposite of “outside validation”, which I argue a lot of trans women have trouble with.

So do trans-attracted men, btw.

After all, trans-attracted men on the DL are on the DL because they fear others’ opinions of their desires. In other words, they validate their desires and selfhood based on what others think about those things. Some trans women do the same thing. And that’s why both DL men and some trans women find one another. They are perfect matches.

Muriel isn’t about any of that. She’s not about apologizing for what she is. I love that. That and her humor:

It’s not about the sex

Obviously the choice to have a vagina or not has more to do with identity than where one wants a dick. Many (most?) trans women who opt for a vagina do so because it completes them. Sex may be a secondary consideration. Or, maybe, sex doesn’t even figure in.

So trans women who want a vagina needn’t be triggered by this story. It’s really not about them. This story is really not about sex either. It’s about my GF opinions. Opinions I find endearing.

I shared these opinions with a trans-attracted client of mine. His response: “I love the confidence expressed in these texts” he said.

I agree.

Muriel’s confidence is so attractive. So is her self awareness. I can see how cleaning up my own stories about myself, my transamory and about trans women have made me a match to her. For that, I’m grateful for what I’ve done.

I think Muriel is too.

PS — Did you like that pun in the headline? If so, drop me a message. I thought it was perfect.

Posted on

When A Chat With My Trans GF Creates Something Great

It’s just so awesome seeing how life delivers really fantastic surprises. That’s what happened recently. I was talking with Muriel about the trans community. Specifically we were talking about violence and trans people. I recently wrote a blog in response to that conversation.

But what I didn’t share in that post was how the story evolved after Muriel and I had that conversation. Muriel always inspires me. She’s super smart. She also has really insightful views, informed, probably, by her life experiences. Too bad I can’t share some of those, because they’re quite interesting.

But I respect her privacy.

So, anyway, we talked about violence and radicalization. We specifically talked about certain trans women. Women who want to take up arms against transphobic people. Our conversation had us both thinking we could write something about what we talked about. Muriel shares her views on a blog. I do too, obviously.

After we talked, I went on a walk. I thought a little about the conversation while out and about. And then, I came across this:

I featured this photo in my previous blog. What’s interesting about it is it exactly matches or substantiates what we talked about. That it did didn’t escape me. Which is why I immediately shared the experience with Muriel:

It’s not coincidence

It’s not coincidence I encountered this specific graffiti. There’s really no such thing as “coincidence”. Everything we experience is purposeful. It springs from our conscious focus, aka, our stories/beliefs.

Muriel and I together, focused on a particular subject. That focus had me choose a path that rendezvoused me with this graffiti. That’s because my Broader Perspective knew it would delight me. Which it did!

I shared the photo with Muriel. She said she’ll accompany her blog with it. I did the same, of course.

So why am I sharing this?

It’s because this little event offers the framework available to us. One that works with anything we desire. Focus on that desire exclusively and watch as the Universe will conspire with our Broader Perspectives to bring us that which we focus on. We’re already doing it. Which is why so many transgender women complain about men, yet don’t find love. It’s why so many trans-attracted men say their “type” doesn’t exist then don’t meet any.

We must focus on what we want to get that. We can’t get what we want through focusing on the opposite. My life is rich with examples like this. Muriel is an example of this.

And you can be too. Let’s get you the love you want. Or whatever else your heart desires. Contact me.

Posted on

Are Latin-American Women More Open To Trans-Attraction?

Photo by Ben Ostrower on Unsplash

In light of two calls I’ve received recently, I’m beginning to wonder what’s happening in South America. Could it be that Latin cis-women are more open in their sexuality than the rest of the world?

Or, is the experience I’ve just had indicative of a trend emerging world wide?

Over the years, several cis-women sent me messages about what I share. Apparently, some wives of trans-attracted men have no other source of advice. So they end up at The Transamorous Network website. I suppose that’s not a surprise. People have told me The Transamorous Network dominates search rankings for “transamory” and “transamorous”.

But wives of trans-attracted men must know that term in order to search for it. Am I right? Or can they use other search terms and end up at The Transamorous Network? I don’t really know.

Whatever the case, over the last few years, I’ve been on the receiving end of several wives’ ire. They’ve complained bitterly about discovering their husbands’ trans-attraction. Some found their men engaged in conversations with escorts, or having sex with them. Or they’ve found transgender porn on their men’s computer history.

Nearly all these women expressed outrage at their husbands’ behavior. And all of them live in North America.

Recently, however, I got two calls indicating perhaps a change in all that.

Love overcomes all?

Both these women called me from South America. One from Brazil, the other, who I spoke with just this morning, from Colombia. The Brazilian has a trans-attracted long-term boyfriend. The woman from Colombia married her spouse more than a decade ago. Both women were not upset about their husband’s trans attraction. In fact, both knew about it not long after meeting their partners.

But in both cases, the men’s trans attraction began significantly affecting the relationship. So much so both women reached out for advice. Both women expressed wanting to remain with their partners. And both want to help their partners so they can remain in the relationship. I think that’s remarkable.

Is it ironic both women are from latin cultures? I thought these cultures, both sharing hefty doses of Catholicism, would frown on trans attraction, comparing it to homosexuality. And yet, both these women proved me wrong. Both were open and quite supportive of their men’s sexual interest.

Meanwhile, as I wrote above, every woman who expressed ire over their men’s behavior called or wrote from the United States. Might this indicate something? I don’t know. Samples sizes are far too small to tell.

But when talking with these two South American women, I could feel their openness to my explanation of their men’s issues. They both recognized the spiritual origins of their men’s trans attraction. They also had compassion for the shame and guilt their men felt. So much so, it surprised me.

It also surprised me that I got no push back when I told them the best way to support their men and their partnerships was to focus on the positive aspects of their men. Neither woman contested the idea that they create their reality through what they think and say. I thought that remarkable too.

Is the world changing?

I don’t know if the world is changing in this way. But it is great to talk with cis-women who aren’t threatened sexually or otherwise by their men’s trans attraction. I can tell both feel their men’s trans attraction will enhance their relationships. These women’s level of commitment to their relationships and their partners was, to me, extraordinary.

Perhaps trans attraction is entering a stage similar to being transgender: where the men (and women) who find trans people irresistible will find acceptance. That acceptance may currently be in small pockets around the world. But hey, that’s a toe-hold. It may be the beginning of a larger development.

And it just might be that I have created around me a bubble of people progressive enough, spiritual enough to recognize trans attraction as a blessed thing. Something as worthy as any other expression of love.

I’m ok with that.

I love talking with and encouraging people who already are open to new ways of being. It warms my heart knowing such cis-women exist. Just as I know trans women exist who are as accepting of trans-attracted men as they are accepting of themselves.