Tag: Trans-attraction

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Your dreams come at nature speed

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In our latest IN YOUR FACE SHOW, we talked about how important it is that trans-attracted men slow down in order to get what they’re wanting. Slowing down is such a big deal, it’s amazing people don’t know this. But if they did, they would achieve more of what they’re wanting with far less frustration.

Part of the problem is we’re all trained to believe we are solely responsible for making things happen. In our “get shit done”, “Work hard, play hard”, rugged individualist world, we learn very early the value of working hard, staying busy, focusing on our goals and going it alone.

But materializations – how material results emerge – do not happen as it appears: it’s never the result of hard work and struggle. And very rarely, if EVER, do things happen anywhere close to “over night” even though people believe so much in “over night successes”. The things you’re wanting come when you’re ready for them. That means, you have release enough momentum-resistance that they can come easily into your life.

Notice that a lot of people (more than would admit) usually find a partner when they give up actively looking, or when they let go of expectations about what that person should be. What’s really happening when people finally find their partner is they have stopped focusing on the absence of that person. Which leads us to the other part of the problem.

The other part of the problem, the far more important part, is that when you’re out looking for the partner, you are always and naturally focused on the absence of the person you’re looking for rather than the presence of that person. That should make sense. You’re out at bars, online or otherwise “trying to find” that person, which means, you are aware of that person is ABSENT from your life. When you go out, or you search online, and your efforts there produce zilch, the emotion you feel is negative: frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc.

When you’re feeling this way you also aren’t focused on being with your partner. Instead, you’re focused on your partner’s absence as well as the seeming futility of your efforts.

Beginning to get this?

So the key to having your partner – or anything else for that matter – is to enjoy the process, realizing your partner is already in your life and that your Inner Being is orchestrating circumstances that will connect you with her when you’re a match to her.

Your Inner Being is trying to guide you along a path leading to your partner. But if you’re in frustration, anxiety, irritation or disappointment, you can’t hear the signals, the impulse. Instead, you hear signals leading you to more frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment. That’s how you end up doing the same things over and over again rather than trying a different approach.

This is why slowing down is so important. When you slow down, soothe your mind and relax into your life, you begin to tap into the rhythm of your Inner Being which is the natural world’s rhythm. From there you can hear your Inner Being’s signals as impulses to take certain actions. Those actions will always lead to pleasurable experiences. These experiences often seem to have nothing to do with meeting your partner. But if you faithfully follow all the impulses you get, you will absolutely wind up meeting that person. But not when you think you should. You’ll meet that person when you’re ready. And if you’re feeling frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc., you are decidedly NOT ready.

We go into good detail about how to tap into your Inner Being in this week’s show. Watch it and if you have any questions, let us know.

 

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The world always changes for the better

The world is getting betterWe’re focusing on how much the world is changing to support transgender people. Particularly the medical community. This article out of Australia demonstrates the good (there’s a lot) and the bad (of course there’s some of that) as medial expertise around the world enables women and men to live lives consistent with who and what they are.

Awesome.

Highlighted in the article is Marci Bowers who likely is one of the most prominent specialists in transgender surgeries. She’s a hero of sorts. As are the doctors she is mentoring around the world, ensuring they develop high quality procedures leading to high quality results.

Transwomen: Your requests are being answered by your reality. More and more resources are being made available, supporting who and what you are.

Trans-attracted and transamorous men: the world is slowing transforming into the world that will make it far more comfortable fo you to be who and what you are.

The article is a great read. And the accompanying video is freaking fantastic!

A touching quote from the article:

“I’m frequently on the verge of tears talking to patients,” [the surgeon told the reporter]. “Our oldest patient was 77 years old. She came in for a post-op check, we gave her a mirror, she saw herself for the first time and she cried. She said she had waited since she was five years old for this operation and it finally felt like she was herself.”

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Trans attraction and the fear of death

LOVING YOU OUT LOUD MEANS
Closeted trans attracted men’s unspoken fear

Coming out as transattracted could be equated to dying: It’s a scary thing. Like death though there’s nothing to be afraid of. Although we can understand the fear.

We’ve been told all our lives that death is a scary thing. Religions have equated death to an ultimate judgement day, where your creator and you review your life and, well….it’s harps or fires baby! Other faiths suggest nothingness, paradises and such. But despite the afterlife stories, most of us irrationally fear death. Especially the first part, usually marked by some kind of massive illness, sudden traumatic experience like an accident or other violence. That must be what lead someone to once say “It’s not death I fear. It’s the dying part that’s scary!”

Science is getting around to soothing concerns about the afterlife. We here at The Transamorous Network have known all along that death holds nothing but amazement. As an aside we wonder why there is the death penalty. For killing someone as punishment is actually sending that person somewhere far better than ordinary life experience. We shake our heads in humanity’s misperception of the experience.

But we digress.

For trans attracted men in the closet, the fear of shame of humiliation in friends and family discovering one’s attraction to transgender women can be even scarier than death. We get it: at least when you die, presumably (this isn’t accurate but let’s go with it) you no longer have to face what others think of you. But here in life experience, you do. And for sure, there are some pockets of the world where being attracted to transgender women is problematic. So coming out as transattracted can have really scary consequences.

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Nas got it right. Same applies to coming out as trans attracted – the only thing to fear, is the fear.

Or can it? Well in some places perhaps. But most of the time, experience of other transattracted men has shown that coming out is more about the fear of fear itself, rather than something akin to dying. For nearly every man we know who has owned their trans attraction then come out to friends and family has found the process surprisingly lacking drama. We think that’s because of something we harp on a lot at The Transamorous Network.

You see, people respond to unspoken communication you send out about yourself. There’s a lot of depth to this, but put plainly: people read your self-confidence…or lack thereof. If you aren’t confident in who you are and how you live, people pick up on that as mirrors of you. A mirror reflects all that you see back at you. Focus on that zit and that’s all you see. Focus on the flab…the same.

But focus on the perfection that is you, including the perfection that is your trans attraction and, oh, the mirror that is society will reflect back to you the confidence you feel when you realize there is nothing wrong or shameful about finding transwomen beautiful, other than the collective indoctrination stemming from puritanical, cultural, familial biases and prejudices. These things are always made up. They are never truth. Nor are they accurate.

So think about it man. We are approached every so often via the comments section or an email by a guy who has come into their own trans attraction, moving into transamory and we can tell you, the joy in these guys’ hearts is worth the risk – and it’s a false risk – that comes with confidently owning this important part of who you are.

There is no death. And in your trans attraction there is no shame.

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2018: No better time to feel happy

Feeling happy feels good - photo Lesly Juarez
(Photo credit: Lesly Juarez)

There’s nothing better than feeling happy. Feeling happy is the start of all you want. It’s also the end of all you want: All you do you, do because you think you’ll feel better doing it. “Feel better” means getting closer and closer to feeling happy. So why not take the shortcut?

I recently conversed with a transamorous man who recently met a transwoman. He loves transwomen (obviously) but, while he is open to transwomen about his attraction, he’s not yet out to others. In other words, he’s not living an authentic, out-loud life.

I recently also had a conversation with a married transgender woman, a beautiful person from the EU. She just recently married and, to my surprise, the family of her husband (a cis man) doesn’t know she is transgender.

Now, I’ve spoken to so many transamorous men who are living their lives out loud, I am absolutely convinced there is power, joy and freedom in living transamorously, out loud. Gone is the fear. Gone is the stress. Got is the hiding. Gone is the drama.

And you know, what you fear being discovered is actually already known by others. They may not know the specifics. But they know. You think you’re hiding your attraction, but others pick up on your insecurity. Not only that, the women you find yourself attracted to also pick on it.

Sadly enough, when you’re living in the closet about your trans attraction, insecure about what others might think or say about you, you bring into your life perfect-match transwomen: transwomen who, like you, are equally as insecure. I guess that’s not so sad because you create your reality. Meaning, you can bring into your life dream-trans-women. But to do that, you first have to come to terms with yourself.

So if only for the reason of meeting better matches, it behooves you to learn to accept who and what you are and live your life out loud. It’s 2018 for goodness sakes! The world is in upheaval in the face of the transgender movement. Now is the perfect time to declare who you are.

And let the chips fall where they may.

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Why the recent trans murder is not relevant

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Christa Steele-Knudslien (Facebook)

We’re not sure the latest murder of a transwoman, the first of 2018, should be considered a hate crime and thus included among the epidemic of murders over the last few years.

Instead, we see it as domestic violence. For the spouse of this locally famous transwoman murdered her, not in a fit of shameful hate-filled rage that accompanies a true hate crime, but instead in a fit of out-of-mindness, similar to any other crime of passion.

We’re not taking anything away from the tragedy, or from the fact that another transwoman was murdered. What we are saying is circumstances surrounding this one seem to be quite a departure from recent trends.

According to police (as reported in the New York Post), her husband, Mark Steele-Knudslien, pleaded not guilty to murder after admitting hitting her with a hammer and stabbing her after an argument. Not a hate crime. A case of domestic violence. Admitted.

Sad, but not something out of the ordinary:  women are murdered by men in similar contexts far too often. Transwomen are women. So it shouldn’t be a surprise something like this happened.

We are eager for the day when it is a surprise. For as we said, it happens far too often. But this tragic incident should not be included among the real travesties of justice.