Question: I’m transgender. How many days does it take to create something like the perfect man I want in my life?
Short answer: it depends.
An objective reality doesn’t exist. So it’s not possible to answer such a question with a specific number of days and expect that to be “the average number of days” or “the least amount of days” that would be accurate for everybody.
The only reality that exists is the one perceivable by the perceiver. In other words, physical reality is a 100 percent subjective experience. The same is true when creating.
So the number of days it takes to create something like meeting a perfect mate depends on the person’s subjective experience and their stories, which includes how much they doubt or believe what it is they’re trying to create.
If a person has a lot of doubts or resistance about what they’re trying to create, it’s gonna take much longer than if they have pure focus on what it is they’re wanting and they believe what they’re wanting is possible.
For example, I recently enjoyed chatting with transgender women on Facebook about their stories about men. These transgender women, like many transgender women, have strong, disempowering stories about men, about trying to find a man, and about dating in general.
An example of powerful negative stories creating realities this person doesn’t want.
So it’s not likely these women will meet what they want anytime soon.
Also, it depends on what it is one wants. If somebody wants to create something they believe is easy, which is the same thing as saying something they have no resistance about, it can be theirs in a few hours.
But most people don’t have clean stories on topics they consider to be “serious“ or things they really, really want such as a monogamous “straight” man they can spend their lives with.
So, the number of days it takes depends on the desire, and how much resistance someone is holding about the desire. It can take a few hours, or it can never happen.
The good news is, evidence it’s happening is immediate, if you know where to see it. And in seeing the evidence, one gets encouraged. Encouragement speeds up the process, so before you know it, your life IS better.
There’s so much to being transgender or trans-attracted. Both perspectives change worlds. Both bring so much value, I wonder why so many transgender women struggle emotionally, in relationships and life in general. I wonder too why so many trans-attracted men live in shame and embarrassment.
Then I remember how once I lived the same way. That’s why I started The Transamorous Network. It’s here to free trans-attracted men, primarily, and transgender women, so they can live lives they came to live: free of guilt and shame, happy lives where not only they get the love they want, they get everything else they want too.
That’s all out of reach if people in both groups don’t feel worthy. By worthy I mean feeling they deserve everything they want. It’s hard feeling that way though when life shows someone they aren’t getting everything they want.
But that’s why I created The Transamorous Network. Because everyone creates their experience. They may not get what they want now, but because they create their experience – through stories they tell – getting what they want is as easy as getting what they are getting now: what they don’t want.
It works both ways
Feeling worthy while not believing one is worthy isn’t possible. Coming into one’s worthiness happens naturally though when one starts learning how stories create reality, then applying what they learn in their daily life.
Before they know it, life starts showing them how accurate “your stories create your reality” is. The more evidence shows up, one not only feels more empowered, they want more evidence.
Why?
Because getting what one want’s feels so good, especially when one hasn’t been getting what they want for so long, the person just wants more.
In time, so much evidence piles up, a person no longer thinks about “your stories create reality”. It’s just “truth” to them. Just like for many transgender women “all men are chasers” occurs as “truth”.
Feeling worthy is easy
In time, worthiness wells up. When that happens, feeling worthy is easy. Evidence makes it easy. Evidence draws worthiness from within the person. Worthiness is always there. For many transgender and trans-attracted people, their worthiness gets covered up by negative stories.
Worthiness then feels like UN-worthiness.
Finding worthiness allows plenty, including plenty of partners and mates, plenty of money, plenty of everything. And when a person gets to having all that, they naturally express that worthiness in ways that change the world around them.
Everyone is worthy. That includes transgender and trans-attracted people. We come into the world to shape new worlds. The joy of shaping worlds happens when we embrace our worthiness. Our worthiness comes from knowing we create our reality through stories we tell.
Until we make that connection though, new worlds still happen. It’s just not as fun.
A common experience among newer Transamorous Network clients is “split energy”. Here’s why resolving split energy is not only important, it can be a joyful process and create a life worth loving.
But first, let’s look at what split energy is, why it happens and why so many transgender and trans-attracted people don’t know about split energy and thus struggle with it.
What is split energy?
Split energy happens when belief and desire conflict with one another. It can also happen when a person stands in two different, opposite stories at the same time.
For example, a trans-attracted man might want a transwoman as a partner. That’s a story creating certain desires and impulses. But that same man might have a story saying transgender women are actually men, or, that being attracted to transgender women makes him gay.
He might also believe (a belief is a story) that giving up his marriage (to a cisgender woman) in order to be with a transgender woman would be too great a burden to bear.
Split energy means having a foot in two different story camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash)
One client, for example, believes transgender women are not serious about having a serious monogamous relationship, so he only meets transgender women matching that story. Meanwhile, he believes his wife can’t live without him and if he divorces her, she’ll fall apart. It’s no wonder he feels anxiety, stress and indecision about his trans-attraction, born of split energies of wanting a transgender woman, believing they’re just fantasies, and needing to stay with his wife.
Those examples show how a man might have split energy. What split energy might a transgender woman have?
She might have a story that she wants to be with a man, yet believes all men who desire her are perverts, scum, or “chasers”. Or she might have the story that she can’t get a job because she’s trans, but also wants a job. So the men she meets are perverts and scum, and she remains unemployed, struggling and alone.
It should be obvious split energy also happens when someone has a desire they don’t believe is fulfillable. They don’t think their desire can happen. Desire existing alongside disbelief creates split energy too.
Why it’s a struggle
Many people struggle with split energy while not knowing they’re struggling. They think negative emotions indicating split energy – confusion, feeling uncertain, anxiety, insecurity and more – are just part of life.
But life is supposed to be fun, easy and filled with desires that fulfill themselves. Actually, that’s what’s happening all the time, even for someone with split energy.
But a person with split energy creates over and over, the reality containing and reflecting back to them, the combination of their split energy. That’s why nothing seems to change for the person, or why things change, but often stay the same or get worse.
In other words, life SUCKS when split energy dominates.
It’s more common than you think
Many popular communities generate split energy situations. Religions are a major culprit. Religions as sometimes practiced, contradict beliefs that are normal, wholesome and good. But some people in these organizations, especially trans-attracted and transgender people, but not only such people, create split energy when their natural, normal, wholesome desires contradict religious doctrine.
My clients who are Christian or Jewish struggle with stories taken from their religion. Their religious upbringing keeps them feeling unworthy, fearful, in shame, and in self reproach because religious teachings do not allow or agree that certain desires are natural, normal, wholesome and good.
A major source of split energy are religions combined with an authentic self at odds with religious doctrine. (Photo by Dejan Livančić on Unsplash)
I know some people practicing religion-inspired beliefs do not have that experience. I’m not saying that religion is bad across-the-board. So if you are a believer, a Christian or a Jew, and you’re happy, then enjoy your happy life. 😌
People who do come to me seeking what I offer, who also have backgrounds in religion, struggle at first with split energy generated from their desires and their religious beliefs.
You are god in a human body
For example, it’s very difficult for a Christian or a Jew to believe they are God in a human body creating reality as they move through life.
It’s difficult for some Christians to accept that they can fulfill all their desires, especially desires Christianity tells them are sinful or bad or will send them to hell.
Clients brought up in religion literally have one foot in their religious beliefs, and another foot testing the waters of something they know holds promise. They want their desires, but their religion says their desires are “sinful”. That’s split energy born of conflicting stories.
My mentor adds a beautiful dimension to all this:
“Continuing to tell stories of [for example] shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the [fulfillment] of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.”
– Abraham
Other split energy sources
Religion isn’t the only source that can create split energy. Beliefs adopted from one’s parents or one’s culture often create split energy.
One of my client’s parents, for example, raised her to believe a woman must serve her family to the exclusion of her own desires. She is a powerful woman and is embracing this new approach I offer. As a result she is moving quickly through soothing these old beliefs.
My client learns how good it feels focused on oneself. An example of how good it feels cleaning up split energy.
And yet she finds it fascinating how much her old beliefs cause resistance in her which feels like a “struggle” to her. Her old beliefs tell her serving her own selfish desires is bad and wrong. In fact, there’s no better way to be in service to others than when one selfishly pursues one’s desires.
Why selfishness is good
Putting both feet in the “taking care of me” camp results in maximum connection to one’s Broader Perspective, that part of us that knows everything we want, where it is and how to get it. And it is that maximum connection that allows all that one desires to flow effortlessly into one’s life experience, including impulses that, when followed, put you squarely in a fulfilling desire’s path.
“Taking care of me” creates a life experience of joyful exuberance. One sees life experience shaping to the new stories, morphing from the old one and becoming the source or the foundation of a blissful life.
The blissful life leads to self love. And when one loves oneself, it is simple, easy, and joyful loving others. And being selfish, you become the most generous person anyone knows.
Integrating one’s stories so they all reflect what one wants creates wonderful epiphanies, seemingly amazing coincidences. Clear indisputable manifestations are so convincing, you get that life is meant to be fun.
Joyful non-resistance
Split energy resits fulfilling desires. Releasing resistance by cleaning up split energy uncovers every human being’s natural joy. The more a person stands with both feet in that joy, the more blissful their life gets. All of my clients experience this to one degree or another.
The Universe stands ready to deliver to anyone a life consistent with their goodness, their worthiness, their natural connection to the joy of being.
Everyone experiences the joy of life. Bogus stories mask that experience. Split energy results. Cleaning that up starts with wanting to clean it up. The rest happens automatically.
My divorce and what happened next convinces me that stories create reality. Being trans attracted and married to a cis-woman can be painful for everyone. My marriage was no exception. But it also created the best circumstances for me which transformed my life for the better.
This is an awesome story about how I created my way out of a marriage inconsistent with who I was and into a life of happy authenticity, not only as a transamorous guy, but also as someone who positively benefits the world.
This story comes in three parts. Part one shares the awesome story of my divorce. Part two describes what happened next. Part three shows how I have created a whole new reality, one in which I focus all my time and joy on doing things I love, instead of working a job with a boss, a paycheck and the 9 – 5 grind.
Part one: the best divorce ever
I enjoyed being married because it forced me to focus on the only place unconditional love comes: from myself. Yes for a little while I struggled, but not with my trans-attraction. I was clear about that. What I struggled with were my own stories and expectations about relationships, love and belonging.
I married my wife even though she was looking to be with a woman and I was looking to be with a transgender woman. She said I was the answer to a spiritual process she completed in her church. Though we both knew what each other wanted was different than what we represented to each other, we married anyway.
To me, we didn’t marry for love. Our marriage was about spiritual growth.
My wife and I met online. After some months, it was obvious something was there. A sense of togetherness existed, but not really romance. It was a deeper connection, one more difficult to express, but not to experience.
My wife had many problems born of her family of origin, problems I believe she came into reality to become more through. I saw these and wanted to do my part, to play my role in that process. That’s why I married her.
We passed through the first few months in heady fantasy. I ignored obvious trouble signs, both coming from her and me. For my part, trouble felt like not being able to talk with her about my attraction because her issues dominated our relationship “air time”.
After the “honeymoon”, life together started showing stress.
I won’t go into details
That would be too long a post. One day I lay in bed contemplating my next moves after a failed start-up investment. My wife came in the bedroom, looked at me and said “you know, you’re not attractive when you’re moping around like this. Maybe you should spend more time with Law of Attraction.”
At the time I showed interest in that, but a passing interest at best. I didn’t really believe it. This was over five years ago. Little did I know my wife’s prodding began the best time of my life (so far) and that Law of Attraction would play a big part.
Not only did I heed my wife’s urgings, I dove head-first into it. I read Law of Attraction books, but only books written by the person who coined the term. Then I started studying works from Seth and Jane Roberts. Later, I encountered Ayahuasca, the plant medicine originating from Peru and now known around the world as a powerful antidote to trauma and other psychological issues. It also opens consciousness to enlightened wisdom and more.
And oh boy! Mother Ayahuasca didn’t disappoint!
Then came a series of high profile experiences with Law of Attraction, which I’ll write about much later.
Positively stories: the turning point
Many, many high profile experiences happened over ensuing years which, I think, caused my wife to feel jealous and resentful about what was happening. I don’t blame her, it was part of the process. But her resentment and my frustration in marriage widened the gap growing between her and I as I moved more towards my authenticity and she moved towards what she wanted. We both wanted different things, with different people. Our relationship gaped like the Mariana Trench.
Our non-existent sexual relationship dissatisfied her too. I ignored her dissatisfaction along with her complaints. We were well past the point of resolving that incompatibility.
Remember, we both knew I was trans-attracted and she was seeking a woman. There were no surprises in this arena. She complained about it more and more, though, I guess believing her complaints could resolve this fundamental difference. She complained to her friends and family. People who would hear her out. Over time, they convinced her that staying in the relationship was a bad idea.
Things got worse and worse (or better and better) for us both. Following specific instruction from all my sources – Aya, Abraham, Seth, and my own personal trinity – I interacted with her less and less. I told none of my friends or family what was happening, because I know sharing with others causes others to give their (mostly inaccurate) opinions about what is happening.
At one point, she invited me to an open marriage. I knew giving me permission tacitly gave her permission, which is what she really wanted. No biggie, I thought, it was a step in our marriage’s final countdown. As she found a semblance of sexual satisfaction from other men and I focused more on my Inner Being relationship, things came more and more to the wonderful outcome I didn’t expect, but at the same time I felt loomed.
An un-refusable offer
Finally, she gave me an ultimatum. I had to move out of her home where we lived. I wasn’t surprised. But I also hadn’t prepared at all for it. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live and roughly three weeks to find one. I had no car and very little other possessions.
But I was happy.
More happy than I had been in a long time. Even facing divorce, with few human friends and little else, I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed.
By the time she gave her ultimatum, I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility along with great eagerness. Leaving my wife, at her strong suggestion, launched me on the glorious positive path on which I find myself today.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our Transamorous Network readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
I’m in a straight relationship with my partner, although I found out I was attracted to “trans” before we got together. I told her in the early stages of our relationship and it was almost laughed off and dismissed.
Unfortunately, I went behind my partner’s back on one or two occasions years into the relationship and it confirmed my “fetish” with trans women. I didn’t want to enjoy it but I found out I loved it. It was exciting, different and turned me on but it was just fun.
My partner did find out and I came clean, we had counseling and she came around. I completely love my partner 100 percent, but desires took hold and I lost complete control of myself and my emotions.
In the end, she came with me to meet a trans woman and enjoyed watching me have fun. She knows I am completely in love and committed to her in a daily and family life and has accepted who I am, what I like and we can now be completely open without lies or deceit.
I am very lucky to be able to be myself, I am able to have an intimate relationship with my partner who is absolutely amazing and also satisfy my desires.
I think the best way to understand a person who is attracted to trans is to go with them and see what it’s all about. In doing so, people may see what it is for real rather, than what they think it might be in their heads, which makes more out of it than there needs to be.
For men, and speaking for myself, sex is just sex. A realease of the stresses of day to day life and a time out to enjoy some variety.
I hope any partners of “trans addicts” reading this can look at it from a different angle and realize that it’s not the end of the world. [It] is in no way your fault and you have no inadequacies.
People can’t be put in boxes and conform to expected social norms, we’re human, not robots.
Jason.
Hey Jason,
The most important thing you’ve talked about is the relief you feel and the willing acceptance your partner now experiences. Congratulations for finding that. Just a couple more perspectives we want to offer, mainly for others who might read your comment.
An entire industry surrounds the word “addiction”. Lots of money goes back and forth as people contend with what they think that word describes.
Desires are good. They are not “addictions”. Attraction is good. It is not an “addiction”. Love is good too and it is not restricted to just one person.
It’s great you love your partner and are committed to them. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t experience that same love and commitment with a transgender woman. Often, men think that’s not possible because they are caught up in their “fantasy”, which is really just a future reality they can’t have, because they don’t believe having it is possible. It is possible, but many men don’t believe it is.So they don’t experience that.
Choosing obligation over joy
We’re going to presume your partner feels better about your attraction because they now see it doesn’t threaten what they get from you being in their life. Maybe they were telling stories about you leaving, what that would mean to them and others involved, and the havoc they think that would create. Such stories can be tremendously painful. That’s obvious in some of the comments in this thread. Now that these have been soothed in your partner (through counseling) they no longer cause your partner discomfort that comes with telling such stories. Again, that’s a good thing.
And yet, men (and women) often get themselves into situations that are hard to get out of. Their stories about life, children, family, societal obligations and more keep them in situations, even though some (not all) may not want to continue in them. We’re not saying this is you Jason, or your partner.
We’re saying many men and women in similar situations (with wives and families) feel a righteous obligation to remaining in these situations because society, family upbringing and other “authorities” have convinced them not to “go against” what they’ve learned.
Some people are uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the adventure, the joy and that “what’s next!” of creating life experience. They’re unaware that they can have any life they want. So they settle into lives of stability, adherence and compliance because the rambunctious life-as-their-creation, that they came to have, feels so foreign. We’re not denigrating such decisions. They can impede, however, the natural, wholesome desire-for-more that is inherent in all consciousness. Trans attraction is a dimension of this.
Sounds like you and your partner found enough relief in balancing your attraction and your desire to stay in your situation so you can stay there AND be happy. That’s good.
Sex isn’t just sex
Although it can be seen as release, it is much more than that, and to call it “just sex” significantly diminishes its wonder and meaning. But again, if you find “release” in it, go for it, because that feeling is crucial to getting what you want. Whether you call it “relief” or “release” those emotions mean something important. Feeling them is even more important.
Back to “addicts”: That’s a significant, negative and loaded word for what really is a natural, wholesome desire. The reason trans-desire feels so strong, sometimes compellingly so, is because the desire itself, and the joy derived in its fulfillment, is something you know, at the core of who you are, will fulfill an aspect of who you are.
In doing so, in fulfilling it, you also transform, inform and altogether make worldly experience more enjoyable for those with whom you come into contact with. You’ll also expand the nature of what it means to be human. All these are worthy results of pursuing desires. And they line up with what everyone comes into the world to experience: desire fulfillment.
Every desire is meant to be (and is) fulfilled.
We do not encourage trans-attracted people to see their attraction as anything less than that: a wholesome desire wanting to be fulfilled. For in its fulfillment will emerge wonderful more, joy, fun and happiness for all involved.All that happens, but that doesn’t mean everyone involved will experience it.
As we say everywhere in our content: stories are powerful. They can block what is really happening. That’s always temporary though. The pain and anguish expressed by ex wives whose ex-husbands owned their trans-attraction and thus divorced them, doesn’t have to be these people’s reality.
We know it’s hard knowing that when you’re in the thick of the suffering. But suffering doesn’t mean the joy is not available. It’s just that joy isn’t one’s experience when one tells stories that are not aligned with joy.
