We say over and over that stories create reality. Especially in dating or trying to find a date, a partner, a lover or whatever. Here at The Transamorous Network we know this as a kind of “law”. There’s no getting around it.
Recently, a client saw first hand how her stories created an embarrassing experience. In the same experience though, came illumination. For in the experience she saw with stark clarity how her stories create what she experiences.
The great good in that was now she knows consistent, happy stories will create consistent happy dates.
This client, let’s call her “Stacy”, is transgender. While Stacy wants love, she can’t make up her mind right now about many things she wants in a relationship.
Your stories bring their own clarity
Stacy prefers men. Polyamory allures her too. But when potential partners sharing that lifestyle talk about their other partners, Stacy feels insecure and jealous. She also remains unsure about what she likes in bed. And she’s not sure she wants bottom surgery.
Men she’s found represent wide varieties of tastes and flavors. She enjoys smart ones. Funny ones, men who know what they want and clearly express that attract her too. But she doesn’t like excessively forward men or men who want only sex.
One night Stacy got a shocking, combined sample of all these stories. She met a man who ticked many of Stacy’s boxes. As a result, when he asked her to meet him late one night, she agreed.
This guy was in an “open” relationship. Not quite a poly relationship, he and his female partner agreed they’d enjoy sex with others. Their agreement also barred him from sleeping with cis-women. But he could sleep with transgender women.
Let the fun begin
So Stacy and this guy made plans. Another stipulation of the guy’s relationship included communicating transparently about his plans ahead of time. So he left his partner a voice message that he had a date and would return home late.
Stacy and this guy met in his car and parked in a lot where the two started fooling around. That quickly turned to stroking and stroking turned to fellatio, with one giving to the other and vice versa.
When Stacy’s turn to give came, she dove in with relish, she said. He orgasmed into her mouth, which she particularly enjoys. Then they took a breather before round two. After he went down on her, it was Stacy’s turn again.
As she started to put his penis in her mouth, Stacy, who looked into the guy’s eyes, also noticed someone else in the car window behind him. She looked up a bit more and there stood a woman looking right into her eyes.
“It was so embarrassing,” Stacy said. “Here I was with this guy’s dick in my mouth and this woman was looking right at me.”
Literally caught in the act
Turned out this woman was the guy’s partner. She located the couple though her partner’s phone, which broadcast his location. The woman was livid. Stacy and her date dressed and he told Stacy to give him a moment as he stepped out the car.
The car interior offered no privacy though. Stacy listened as the woman reamed the guys ass and not in a good way. She railed about him leaving a voice message, which didn’t satisfy their agreement that they talk about encounters before hand.
“It was obvious she was not happy,” Stacy said. “She was hurt, clearly jealous and angry.”
Eventually, the woman left. By then, all the magic of the night wore off. The guy apologized for the spectacle, drove Stacy back to her AirBnb, then drove home.
Later, on the phone, he apologized again for his partner’s insecurities and for her surprising them both by showing up on their date. He asked Stacy if she’d be willing to meet his partner in hopes that would soothe her anger.
Stacy said yes, at first, but then, later, after talking with friends about the situation, said she didn’t want to talk with her. She concluded this guy’s relationship had nothing to do with her.
She was wrong though. The relationship and what happened had everything to do with her.
Stories always show up in one’s reality
Every encounter with another, whether a stranger, a partner or a lover always shows what active stories exist in one’s awareness.
That’s a good thing. Because how do one know what beliefs one believes if reality doesn’t show them to the person? Once a story becomes a belief, realities that story creates, replace conscious awareness of the belief itself. Belief recedes into the background and “reality” becomes “true”.
So it’s positive when something seemingly shitty happens. When it does, a person can changes stories creating it. In time the new story creates reality consistent with it. Just as the old, negative story created reality consistent with it.
So here Stacy sat, dead in the middle of a constellation of stories, all creating an experience consistent with themselves. Think about it:
- Stacy believes she doesn’t know whether she wants a polyamorous relationship.
- She holds beliefs about herself, particularly stories about her self-worth. Those stories create insecurity and jealousy in her.
- She has stories that men, especially straight men, use trans women as means to satisfy an experimental desire. Men don’t want a trans girl for a partner.
- Stacy also feels insecure about what she likes, and worries about what others might think about what she likes.
And here she finds herself in a situation where a jealous, angry, insecure, untrusting person shows up and literally exposes Stacy in quite the embarrassing situation.
It works 100 percent of the time
Stories create reality. It doesn’t matter if you like the story you’re telling or not, the story, told often enough will create reality consistent with it. It’s great news knowing that though because it shows how the Universe is 100 percent consistent. It always presents realities consistent with stories you’re telling.
Most people tell a combination of some positive stories and some negative, with a preponderance of one over the other. So a consistently negative person can experience a positive thing here and there in their lives. But generally, their life (to them) feels mostly negative.
The pessimist’s life is just like a mostly cloudy sky. Mostly clouds with an occasional bright spot. Should that person focus on the bright spots, the pessimist’s sky would clear in time, leaving a bright, shiny, cloudless day.
But how many pessimists you know turn their lives (and their demeanor) into optimistic ones? Hardly any.
Relationship stories work the same. Which is why we encourage transgender women and trans-attracted men the way we do. First, get your stories right. Do that and the relationship you want comes super easy.
So does everything else. Everything else comes easy because stories create ALL reality. Not just relationship realities.
What realities are you creating? Do you like your relationship life? Or do you want a better one? If you do, we can help.