I See Greatness Every Time I Poop

greatness insta
Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Mirrors are amazing things.  We take their symbolic awesomeness for granted.  Every day, we stand in front of our bathroom mirrors and miss the greatness they’re showing us.

In some cultures, mirrors are spiritual icons.  They’re featured prominently in legends of all kinds.  In Japan, for example, the mirror holds a prominent place in many household shrines.  A mirror was one of three sacred objects given to Japan’s first emperor by the Sun Goddess Amaterasu’s grandson.  Mirrors in ancient Japan represented truth because they reflected only what stood before them.  They were a source of much mystique and reverence (being uncommon items) in that time.  Today in Japan they symbolize wisdom.

I used to not make that connection when I visit my bathroom mirror. Not any more. After doing my business and washing my hands, I look in the mirror and see the center of the universe, the creator, looking back at me. I know through my stories I create the world I want to live in.

When you look in your mirror, what does it tell you?  Does it remind you of your flaws, things about you that must be covered up or altered before you can comfortably greet the day?

Or does it remind you that you are the only one creating your life experience day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year into your glorious life experience?  Is your mirror encounter positive or negative? What stories does it reflect back at you?

Mirrors can inspire your best. Or they can evoke stories about yourself that trigger shame, embarrassment, fear, insecurity.  I wonder how many tell stories while standing in front of their bathroom sink which conjure the latter.

Telling stories that have us feel small and insignificant and fearful about ourselves is what makes us look outside ourselves, expecting others to come up with answers we need to feel good about ourselves, when all along, the answers lie in our stories, not theirs.

What stories are you telling?

FullSizeRenderYou are a story teller.

Now, I know you probably don’t believe the following, but I’m going to share it anyway. Did you know you can create any experience you want, just by thinking it into your experience? Well you can. And whether you believe that or not, that’s exactly what you’re doing, and, that’s exactly why you’re finding your trans attraction such a struggle.

If you responded to that paragraph above by saying “bullshit, no one can create reality just by thinking” that story creates a reality wherein it is impossible for you to see evidence confirming the truth that you do create your experience. Even though – and get this now – the fact that you can’t see evidence is exactly the evidence proving what you say is impossible!

How cool is that?

It’s really easy to change the story…and see immediate, different and inspiring results. But you have to understand the process by which the change happens. Contrary to literature, art and movies, results that come from your stories don’t happen “magically”, nor do they happen instantly. There’s usually a span of time between the told story and the final result. Especially if you’re trying to change an old, often-told story.

The more stories you tell, the bigger your world becomes. But if you keep telling the same stories, your world just keeps changing….into the same old reality. So if you tell yourself, “The only way I can find a transgender woman to be my girlfriend is to post a posting on Craigslist and hope for the best,” then that’s the experience you’re going to have.

And I know how much drudgery comes from trying to meet a transwoman on Craigslist!

Examining your stories is the best thing you can do to increase your happiness in your trans attraction. That goes for not only finding a woman to be with, but finding happiness and self-acceptance.

There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about being trans attracted! If you think there is, you have a story you’ve accepted from other people that is creating your reality experience. Everyone lives in their own subjective reality. That includes you. You have total authority over that reality, including the people who come in it. Your authority lies in the stories you tell.

Tell new stories and you walk into a new world. With new people and new experiences consistent with your new stories. Tell the same stories and you get more of the same.

Your life reflects your stories. Tell good ones!


Are trans attracted men “transgender”?

Oh boy, I can already imagine the responses to this post.

There’s a great article on Medium, written by Julia Serano. It’s pretty complex and long, but worth a read. In it, Serano describes how the word “transgender” came about. She explains that trans activists in the 1990s coined the term purposefully intending it to be “open-ended”. She says the term “refers to people who defy societal expectations regarding gender”.

And here’s where things get dicey. Because some society members, including early stage trans attracted men spooked by their self-discovery, would say that trans attracted men do defy societal expectations regarding gender. But this is where things get crazy. And confused. People generally, and our trans attracted men specifically, have an Ouroboros perspective on what it means when a man loves women who happen to be transgender.  I use the phrase “women who happen to be…” specifically because it points out the twisted logic. Which I’ll get to in a second.

If you troll Craigslist’s M4T sections in casual encounters. You’ll often find these men describing themselves as “straight.” This in my opinion is a result of the screwy perspective. I think the reason why these trans attracted men feel they have to clarify their orientations is because they don’t really believe women who happen to be transgender are, in fact women. Particularly men who are experimenting with being penetrated, or being attracted to women who have penises.

And the same goes for society. Society’s big beef with trans attracted men, calling them gay and such, stems from this flawed thinking. If transgender women are actually men, not women, then of course the men who are attracted to them must be gay, goes the thinking. So it’s no wonder trans attracted men must clarify in their posts that they’re straight. Unfortunately, for them, and their potential readers, this often comes off as an insult, because the women reading these posts are women. I think the reason they identify their heterosexuality in their posts has little to do with the women, and everything to do with their own self-view: They are writing their post as much for themselves as for those who will read it.

It’s interesting to ask: if trans attracted men are gay, wouldn’t they be interested in men who present as men? And I suppose the cynical answer is: not if they are too embarrassed to own their homosexuality. Being with a transgender woman could be more palatable for these terrified guys because at least they have some of the physical trappings of “real” women…

That argument doesn’t go very far when the trans attracted-to-transamorous trajectory is thoroughly examined. As a transamorous man myself, I know my process included experimenting with men and transwomen only to discover a profound distaste of men and an equal, continued attraction for both cis-gender and transgender women. I know and have talked with many men whose trajectories are similar. No doubt there might be men in the early stages of trans attraction who actually are gay and end up with men. But I would bet they are a tiny minority.

Back to “are trans attracted men transgender?”  It’s an interesting question. Serano says this about the term “transgender”:

it may refer to transsexuals (i.e., people who transition, who I’ll get to in a minute), people who identify outside of the gender binary, crossdressers (i.e., people who identify with their birth-assigned gender, but sometimes dress and/or express themselves as the other gender), people whose gender expression is non-conforming (e.g., feminine men, masculine women, people who are androgynous, etc.), and possibly others. Not everyone who falls under this umbrella will self-identify as “transgender,” but are all viewed by society as defying gender norms in some significant way.

A man loving a woman who happens to be trans isn’t defying gender norms. Unless you think such a woman is not a woman. But such a woman is a woman. So where is the defiance? If there is defiance, it can only be defying society’s (false) assertion that women who happen to be transgender aren’t women. And since that assertion is false, so is any defiance.

I’ve had two conversations with transgender women who offered the idea that trans attracted men are transgender. I’m not so sure that’s the case. But I’m open to hearing the arguments.

What are your thoughts?

I like “trans-am”

Blog 4 photoIn my earlier post, I defined Transamory, a word coined by “Piper”. In writing that piece, I came across a shortened version: TransAm. I’m gonna get it for riffing off the Pontiac brand. But there you go. Fuck, I’d love to steal that Phoenix-rising motif. It’s bitchin’.

And kind of like that bird, we Transamorous guys are emerging from the cesspool that is social criticism, ostracism and shrinking before social claims that our love is taboo, to claim that part of our identity making us uniquely us….among other things.

So get over it. I’m trans-am.

Just checked to see if someone has TransAm.com  already. Of course, they do. Bummer.