Tag: men who love transwomen

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Get the girl. Easily.

IMG_0762So I’ve launched a new initiative to help trans attracted men get their girl. There are a lot of other results this initiative will produce, all of which will enormously benefit the trans community.

But the result I want to describe here is the one you men are most interested in: getting the girl you want and getting her easily.

I know how fucking hard it is to meet transgender women. I know because I’ve been there. I know all the elements which make being trans attracted hard. I know there is a pent-up demand among us men for a solution that will make it easier for us to get the girl. I know this because pretty much all the men who come on our shows express this desire. The women do too and I’m going to get to them, after I demonstrate success with a number of you guys.

Ok, about the new initiative:

There currently are five or so men who are participating in a pilot test. It is designed to produce circumstances wherein the men easily meet the perfect transgender woman for them.  The process starts by understanding the nature of stories, demonstrating through actual proof how those stories create physical reality, then creating new stories while practicing the art of storytelling so that transgender women come to the men….instead of the men having to go to where the transgender women are.

Of course, this story examination has several other benefits and challenges. It creates a kind of happiness, ease, and general satisfaction with life on earth. It creates better experiences throughout life, not just in the dating world. People who contribute to producing “negative” life experiences and drama naturally fade from one’s life. In their place come people who help create better life experiences, ones more in line with the life participants want. The challenges are that the participants have to confront their old negative stories and be willing and open to trying out something they may believe is bullshit.

All of this comes with a guarantee. It is absolutely guaranteed to work. What online dating site can make that claim? The test participants are not paying for their participation during the pilot, but the guarantee is there nonetheless.

Ultimately I plan to create a custom-curated exclusive community where trans attracted men and transgender women can meet under the best circumstances, circumstances where the man and the woman are on the same page about what a relationship is, what their relationship to that relationship is, an how to dance in that relationship in ways that every dancer gets what they want.

There’s a lot of potential for this to be life changing for participants, as well as life changing for the trans community. It could actually be the beginning of one of the most important changes the community has ever seen.

I’ll be sharing more as the pilot moves forward. Stay tuned.

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What stories are you telling?

FullSizeRenderYou are a story teller.

Now, I know you probably don’t believe the following, but I’m going to share it anyway. Did you know you can create any experience you want, just by thinking it into your experience? Well you can. And whether you believe that or not, that’s exactly what you’re doing, and, that’s exactly why you’re finding your trans attraction such a struggle.

If you responded to that paragraph above by saying “bullshit, no one can create reality just by thinking” that story creates a reality wherein it is impossible for you to see evidence confirming the truth that you do create your experience. Even though – and get this now – the fact that you can’t see evidence is exactly the evidence proving what you say is impossible!

How cool is that?

It’s really easy to change the story…and see immediate, different and inspiring results. But you have to understand the process by which the change happens. Contrary to literature, art and movies, results that come from your stories don’t happen “magically”, nor do they happen instantly. There’s usually a span of time between the told story and the final result. Especially if you’re trying to change an old, often-told story.

The more stories you tell, the bigger your world becomes. But if you keep telling the same stories, your world just keeps changing….into the same old reality. So if you tell yourself, “The only way I can find a transgender woman to be my girlfriend is to post a posting on Craigslist and hope for the best,” then that’s the experience you’re going to have.

And I know how much drudgery comes from trying to meet a transwoman on Craigslist!

Examining your stories is the best thing you can do to increase your happiness in your trans attraction. That goes for not only finding a woman to be with, but finding happiness and self-acceptance.

There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about being trans attracted! If you think there is, you have a story you’ve accepted from other people that is creating your reality experience. Everyone lives in their own subjective reality. That includes you. You have total authority over that reality, including the people who come in it. Your authority lies in the stories you tell.

Tell new stories and you walk into a new world. With new people and new experiences consistent with your new stories. Tell the same stories and you get more of the same.

Your life reflects your stories. Tell good ones!

 

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There are many trans attractions

There might be as many “trans attractions” as there are transitionary processes transgender people go through.

That could explain why trans attracted men come in so many different “flavors” making it hard to describe “trans attraction” with one definition.

There are trans attracted men who see transgender women as women, for example. These men also date cis-women, seeing no real difference between them and their transgender counterparts. Presumably, guys in this category don’t care what’s “down there”, or they may care a great deal: they may prefer only transgender women who have “gone all the way” surgery-wise.

There are trans attracted men who see women as women and accept (heartily in some cases) that some women have penises. This is not always a fetish, although there can be a period where men fetishize women with penises, just as there are men who fetishize other aspects of womanhood, and women who do the same. These men probably are the most visible as far as transgender women are concerned. They also tend to be the most vilified because they enjoy sexual expression with women with penises in much the same way that some cis women love strapping on a plastic penis and pegging men.

There are trans attracted men who don’t “bottom.” These guys like being sexually aggressive. By aggressive, I mean they express “outward” motivated energies as opposed to “inward” or “receiving” motivated energies. Aggressive isn’t always negative.

There are trans attracted men who love receiving. They enjoy the pleasure of being penetrated, of giving up of themselves, and find joyful self expression in a sense of self-control so total that they can give up themselves to another and find immense satisfaction in that act.

There are trans attracted men who see transgender women as a special kind of woman. “Special” doesn’t mean odd. It is a kind of veneration. They see transgender women as capable, courageous, and powerful, able to transcend typical female archetypes and, as a result, are life-changers for themselves and their partners. William describes his wife Nikki as this kind of person. He swears his wife transformed his life in ways unimaginable.

There are trans attracted men who are activists, focusing their energies on making society more encompassing of all expressions of humanity. They are courageous people who take a lot of abuse from the women they love, fully aware of the tension existing between their love for women and the revulsion those women have for them.

There are trans attracted men who struggle with their reality. They don’t understand their trans attraction, or, do understand it but don’t want to. They are invisible and lurk in the dark, trying to avoid their attraction through alcohol, drugs or compulsive porn consumption or denial. Like the drug-addicted, they occasionally seek temporary desire-gratification through serial one-time flings or encounters with working girls, and through Craigslist hookups.

There are trans attracted men who consider themselves too old. For whatever reason, they suffer alone, fantasizing about their attraction while married, or believing their time has passed.

There are very young trans attracted men who grew up knowing and owning their trans attraction. For them they see this as normal and live their lives as though nothing is different about them or their attraction. They are blessed.

There are married trans attracted men who can’t leave their cis-wives for various reasons. They put duty and expectation ahead of personal happiness and satisfaction. A noble, if painful, choice. These guys may or may not seek similar temporary desire-gratification of the struggler, getting just enough satisfaction to keep the urge at bay so they can go on with their normal life.

In her excellent Medium article, Detransition, Desistance, and Disinformation: A Guide for Understanding Transgender Children Debates, Julia Serano describes how there “are many transsexual trajectories” in “the messy backdrop of trans realities”. The same is true for the trans attracted trajectories. For each man’s path is unique. Each one has to walk his own self-discovery, sometimes leaving collateral damage in his wake, including broken families and broken hearts.

This isn’t a sob story, but an attempt to recognize a misunderstood/mischaracterized component of the trans community narrative. If you’re a guy reading this, you’re being increasingly seen. If you’re a transgender woman reading this, it would do an immense amount of good to sit down with one of these men and have an honest, open non judgmental conversation.

The life you change could be your own.

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You asked for it, you’re getting it

Where are all the men at?

Where are the men who will treat me right? Who will treat me like the woman I feel I am; who will respect me for who I am, not just what I am?

Transgender women have been asking this for a long time. Increasingly, they’re getting what they asked for.

The men are not only coming, they are here. But you may not be preparing your life to welcome them. If you’re a transwoman and you’re having a hard time finding the guy of your dreams, you better not be blaming your troubles on the lack of men. There are plenty of men as our shows are demonstrating.

So you better be blaming yourself. Here’s why.

Imagine there’s this ideal guy out there. He has everything you want in a man. Most important, he’s looking for you! He’s really wanting to be that guy you dream about. Yet he has desires in a partner too. You two may be a match on paper. Are you a match in reality? If you haven’t met him in person, then you aren’t. How can I be so confident of saying that? Because everything you want is yours so long as you create your life in such a way to receive what you’re wanting.

Are you working hard to find a guy? Are you frustrated with the effort you’re making? Are you disappointed with the guys you’re meeting? Do you complain to your girlfriends about it, your family, your work colleagues about the terrible date you had? Do you go into the next date projecting expectations for how bad that one will be?

If you’re projecting all this negativity, how can you possibly expect your ideal guy to find you through all that? You aren’t a match to the guy you want. As long as you complain, bitterly resist those guys who do show you attention, and make a lot of effort in your every day life, without first getting your stories right, you’re not ever going to meet that guy. Well you might, but it will be after a l-o-n-g period of suffering.

Want a funny, attractive, caring, warm, guy who appreciates you for who you are and isn’t embarrassed to be with you? Then you better bring similar qualities to the table. You have to be equally happy, attractive (inside and out), at peace with yourself and appreciative. If you’re anything other than this, it’s like you’ve got a force field up and your (ideal) guy is not gonna get through that.

You can do something about this. You can have a satisfying, soothing, positive, romantic relationship with the guy you’re wanting. Our Transwoman’s Guide To Finding Your Ideal Partner will help. Don’t have $50? Then keep watching and reading our free content. We’ll help you out.

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Tranny Chaser….really?

What is it about transwomen who rail against the tranny chaser. To me, it’s hypocritical. I mean, how does it feel, transgender women, when someone calls you “sir” on the street or in a store? Nevermind, I know how it feels, because my trans friends have told me.

We’re going to repeat this over and over: the men you shame by calling them names are going through a transition similar to your own.  Just as you likely had to come to grips with your own identity, these men – YOUR ALLIES – are going through a transformation too.

A transformation that, for many, still has them in the closet.

Remember when you used to try on clothes in the dark or in the privacy of your room, hidden from other people’s eyes? Remember when you used to hide or explain away remnants of nail polish on your fingers? In the same way, early stage transamorous men are going through similar stages when they experiment with you. They are testing the waters. And frankly those men have made it pretty far: at least they’re at the point of interacting with the person they desire.

Sure there may be boys out there who seek a fling, but it’s much more likely, everyone who expresses interest in you is doing so because they are interested at one level or another and that interest would build if society wasn’t constantly trying to stamp it out. “Society” includes you.

Your allies, the trans-attracted men out there, need your help as much as you need theirs…and yes, you do need them because – and you really need to get this: any man who is interested in you is transamorous by definition. That means in the course of trying to accept who they are they eventually help create a society that accepts who you are.

So help them out. Consider being more compassionate to their transition. Here are some tips to handling it lovely ladies:

  • Offer to talk about it straight up. Don’t sweep your feelings or the guy’s feelings under the carpet. If you see him acting nervous, stop taking it personal* and realize his nervousness is ABOUT HIM. Not you.
  • Ask him about it, ask him what he’s feeling. Have a serious conversation about it without making him wrong or shaming him. Control your knee-jerk reaction to play the victim role.
  • Listen to what he says, then express some empathy. Tell him a story about your own transition. It shows him you get what he’s going through.
  • Ask him if he can identify the thought that has him feeling this way. Ask him if he can think of other thoughts that could trigger other emotional responses other than nervousness, apprehension, fear or shame.
  • If you simply can’t deal with your own emotional reaction to someone who MATCHES YOUR STORY and is behaving in a way that triggers you, then it’s better than you figure your own securities (your stories) out first. For you’re not doing anyone any favors creating drama. You’re especially not helping yourself.

Your freedom as a transgender woman is fortified when you can accept that the men who are interested in you are just as deserving of respect for their transition as you are of yours. There are no tranny chasers. There are only men who are interested – often romantically – in people like you.

*Need some help with that? Contact me.