Tag: men who love transwomen

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You asked for it, you’re getting it

Where are all the men at?

Where are the men who will treat me right? Who will treat me like the woman I feel I am; who will respect me for who I am, not just what I am?

Transgender women have been asking this for a long time. Increasingly, they’re getting what they asked for.

The men are not only coming, they are here. But you may not be preparing your life to welcome them. If you’re a transwoman and you’re having a hard time finding the guy of your dreams, you better not be blaming your troubles on the lack of men. There are plenty of men as our shows are demonstrating.

So you better be blaming yourself. Here’s why.

Imagine there’s this ideal guy out there. He has everything you want in a man. Most important, he’s looking for you! He’s really wanting to be that guy you dream about. Yet he has desires in a partner too. You two may be a match on paper. Are you a match in reality? If you haven’t met him in person, then you aren’t. How can I be so confident of saying that? Because everything you want is yours so long as you create your life in such a way to receive what you’re wanting.

Are you working hard to find a guy? Are you frustrated with the effort you’re making? Are you disappointed with the guys you’re meeting? Do you complain to your girlfriends about it, your family, your work colleagues about the terrible date you had? Do you go into the next date projecting expectations for how bad that one will be?

If you’re projecting all this negativity, how can you possibly expect your ideal guy to find you through all that? You aren’t a match to the guy you want. As long as you complain, bitterly resist those guys who do show you attention, and make a lot of effort in your every day life, without first getting your stories right, you’re not ever going to meet that guy. Well you might, but it will be after a l-o-n-g period of suffering.

Want a funny, attractive, caring, warm, guy who appreciates you for who you are and isn’t embarrassed to be with you? Then you better bring similar qualities to the table. You have to be equally happy, attractive (inside and out), at peace with yourself and appreciative. If you’re anything other than this, it’s like you’ve got a force field up and your (ideal) guy is not gonna get through that.

You can do something about this. You can have a satisfying, soothing, positive, romantic relationship with the guy you’re wanting. Our Transwoman’s Guide To Finding Your Ideal Partner will help. Don’t have $50? Then keep watching and reading our free content. We’ll help you out.

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Tranny Chaser….really?

What is it about transwomen who rail against the tranny chaser. To me, it’s hypocritical. I mean, how does it feel, transgender women, when someone calls you “sir” on the street or in a store? Nevermind, I know how it feels, because my trans friends have told me.

We’re going to repeat this over and over: the men you shame by calling them names are going through a transition similar to your own.  Just as you likely had to come to grips with your own identity, these men – YOUR ALLIES – are going through a transformation too.

A transformation that, for many, still has them in the closet.

Remember when you used to try on clothes in the dark or in the privacy of your room, hidden from other people’s eyes? Remember when you used to hide or explain away remnants of nail polish on your fingers? In the same way, early stage transamorous men are going through similar stages when they experiment with you. They are testing the waters. And frankly those men have made it pretty far: at least they’re at the point of interacting with the person they desire.

Sure there may be boys out there who seek a fling, but it’s much more likely, everyone who expresses interest in you is doing so because they are interested at one level or another and that interest would build if society wasn’t constantly trying to stamp it out. “Society” includes you.

Your allies, the trans-attracted men out there, need your help as much as you need theirs…and yes, you do need them because – and you really need to get this: any man who is interested in you is transamorous by definition. That means in the course of trying to accept who they are they eventually help create a society that accepts who you are.

So help them out. Consider being more compassionate to their transition. Here are some tips to handling it lovely ladies:

  • Offer to talk about it straight up. Don’t sweep your feelings or the guy’s feelings under the carpet. If you see him acting nervous, stop taking it personal* and realize his nervousness is ABOUT HIM. Not you.
  • Ask him about it, ask him what he’s feeling. Have a serious conversation about it without making him wrong or shaming him. Control your knee-jerk reaction to play the victim role.
  • Listen to what he says, then express some empathy. Tell him a story about your own transition. It shows him you get what he’s going through.
  • Ask him if he can identify the thought that has him feeling this way. Ask him if he can think of other thoughts that could trigger other emotional responses other than nervousness, apprehension, fear or shame.
  • If you simply can’t deal with your own emotional reaction to someone who MATCHES YOUR STORY and is behaving in a way that triggers you, then it’s better than you figure your own securities (your stories) out first. For you’re not doing anyone any favors creating drama. You’re especially not helping yourself.

Your freedom as a transgender woman is fortified when you can accept that the men who are interested in you are just as deserving of respect for their transition as you are of yours. There are no tranny chasers. There are only men who are interested – often romantically – in people like you.

*Need some help with that? Contact me.

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I get the fear and don’t blame you

I get the fear that initially comes with transamory. I mean, if you’re a guy who hasn’t come to grips with your natural, normal attraction to transwomen, then that insecurity is sending off all kinds of signals. The likelihood you’d be ridiculed or disowned by your loved ones, made fun of by coworkers…or worse, is high.

But there’s a solution to that.

First, you have to realize there is nothing to fear. Your feelings are real. But once you understand what your feelings represent, it’s easy to get rid of the fear. Then you can step out of your self-imposed exile with confidence and verve…

There’s a beautiful world awaiting you. A world in which you can have your desires and be accepted by friends and family. But more important than that is the joy and freedom awaiting you. It’s just on the other side of the decision to stop letting society, friends, family and your own beliefs about how important these people are, keep you from having that joy and freedom.

I know what I’m saying because I was where you are. I had fear and hesitation about my romantic and sexual attraction to transwomen. I lived a quiet, secret life in addition to my normal “out” one. But it was when those two lives blended that things started happening really quick, things that supported exactly what I’m saying in this post.

Today, I’m living a pretty fabulous life, pursuing all my dreams, including my dream to be with a transgender partner. My wife knows about it, my work colleagues, my family, my friends. This website is a manifestation of what I’ve wanted to do since recognizing my own transamory. I’ve wanted to help the trans community in a unique way. This site, which I’ve created for you, but also for transwomen as you’ll see over its evolution, is my expression to have more of us guys show up in ways which support the people we love, thereby mainstreaming the notion that love of transgender people is natural and normal.

I believe one person can change the world. Every thing that has happened on the planet in terms of human society began with one person. That one person’s courageous action attracted others. As others joined, a movement began. From there, the rest is history.

I also believe each one of us transamorous men, in our own way, have a role to play in the gradual societal acceptance of transwomen as natural, normal people. It may be interacting with one transgender person on the street, treating that person like a human being. It may be dating a transgender person in a way that has her feel honored. It may be sticking up for all transgender people in a group of people who are being ignorant. It may also be stepping out on to the global stage and say “Hey, some girls are born with penises. Get over it.”

Whatever your role, it’s time to start performing it. Not trying to tell you what to do. I’m trying to explain to you that your happiness and freedom is directly tied to doing that thing, whatever it is. The sooner you go for that, the better you will feel.

It’s up to you to make the decision. No one is going to make it for you.

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Years of shame…melt away

Shame“Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life.”

I love it when a guy realizes he doesn’t have to live in the shadows of shame, misery and stress. Last week the following email, from a man who found our blog, landed in my inbox:

 

First of all, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your positive energy, your bravery and your passion in putting together this website. I’ve come out to family and friends in the past 6 months as trans-amorous, as a result of self-reflection and digesting articles and videos that affirmed my experience. I am grateful for internet resources such as yours, because although I had talked to certain friends and therapists for many years about this attraction, people had given me well-meaning, but ultimately damaging advice, essentially fetishizing and marginalizing the attraction.

One article in particular (I wish I could remember what it was!) highlighted that when we treat attracted to trans people as a paraphilia, it implies that men who are attracted to trans women are either 1) closeted gay (which made no sense to me) or 2) have something wrong with them, which means that trans women are implicitly unloveable! That hit me really hard and made me realize that these views are extremely destructive both to cis people like myself and to trans people.

Once I accepted that my sexuality was OK and that it could be expressed in a healthy & romantic way, I felt years of shame and stress melt away. It has been one of the most powerful and freeing experiences of my life. I’ve started to connect to the trans and queer communities and have befriended a couple of trans people, and been on a few normal dates with trans women, although online dating hasn’t really been ideal so far. I just purchased the your book, and am really excited to gain some insights… Perhaps I’ll learn something by looking at it as well. Anyways, I really appreciate what you’re doing and hope to connect at some point. I’ve considered putting myself out there more online/ perhaps creating some videos or similar content, and your website is inspiring me in such a way. Perhaps I can help others avoid the years of suffering I went through.

More men realize their attraction to transgender women is normal, healthy and natural. I suspect we’re going to get more of these kinds of emails in the future.

I talked with “John” about online dating and how sucky it is. We agreed there has to be a better way. And there is. The first step is getting happy. You get happy by telling stories that make you feel good. From there, the Universe takes care of the rest. I’m eager to keep talking with “John” as we all continue down this road of transition.

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Straight men come in all shapes and sizes

L0058938 Set of 50 artificial glass eyes, all shapes and sizes, by E.
Like an eyeball, you’re unique. Be you.

Especially the ones who like transgender women. For as many kinds of transgender women, there are kinds of men who would love to be with them. I guarantee that. Even those transwomen who are bitter, angry, pains-in-the-ass find matches. Although initially, those transwomen may not like who they match with. Eventually though, even they will find nice guys who will love them.

I’ve had conversations with my transwomen friends and I’ve heard the stories. Men: You’re not alone loving transwomen whether your preferences are for pre-op transwomen, post-op transwomen, trans women who like to top, who bottom or who are vers. Many transwomen I’ve spoken with have eye-opening experiences. The guys they find interested in them, and the things those guys are willing to do behind closed doors shows how much some straight men want to be with transwomen.

Some of the women also said that if some of these guys, just some of them, were willing to tell society to “kiss my ass” and just go for what they want, in the open, the world (for both transwomen and society as a whole) would be a better place.

I agree. What is it about the world outside our heads that has us so afraid of it?

What is it, guys, that has you afraid to confront the fact that you’re not gay just because you are attracted to this particular kind of WOMAN? The real question here isn’t “is she really a woman?” because the answer to that question is “yes”. The real question is “why are you letting other people tell you who you should or should not be attracted to?”

That’s the real question. The sooner you answer that question with “I’m not”, the happier you’ll be. Not only that. The longer you live your life from what you say is right for you, the sooner those people trying to tell you how to live your life will stop doing that.

Your freedom lies in owning who you are. No matter what kind of man you are, you are ok. You deserve your happiness. You deserve what you’re wanting. So go for it. Be you.

When you do, your whole world will change to support you. It won’t be over night. But it will be worth the wait. I can promise you that.