30 Questions To Get Good Love, Happy and Joy

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

At The Transamorous Network we show people how telling positive stories creates lives in which everything they want comes to them easy.

Tell enough positive stories and obvious evidence proves this true. That’s why we guarantee results. In time, something else happens. Clients see how easy life gets. They realize how inherently good the world is. They also realize how inherently good people are.

When they get there, life gets really fun. Until then, getting what they want, including love seems impossible. That’s why so many try (and often fail) getting what they want through action alone.

A 30 question test offers great insight

A friend recently created the following list. It offers 30 questions. Each question, when answered, tells readers where they stand.

The more questions answered incorrectly, the more getting what one wants feels hard. The questions, therefore offer tremendous insight. Not knowing these answers, you can’t know in which direction one’s fulfilled desires exist, nor can you know where you are relative to them.

Don’t worry, I’m going to give the answers. Answering the questions right or wrong isn’t where power exists. Power exists in knowing what to do when you answer a question wrong.

So here is the answer: yes

If a person can’t emphatically say yes to every question below, then a gap exists between what that person wants and what they’re getting. It’s that easy.

A transgender woman creating more of what she doesn’t want by reinforcing beliefs contradicting what she wants.

The power of belief shapes reality

A simple yes is not enough though. Desires fulfill themselves when one knows the answers are “yes”, not just agrees that they are.

Knowing, believing and thinking are distinct states. Everyone thinks. That’s the default. Think long enough about something and reality will prove that thought true. That’s why when a transgender woman thinks “all men are chasers” every man who approaches them turns out that way.

Seeing this evidence, the transgender woman reinforces her thought that “all men are chasers”. In time that thought becomes “true”. That’s why many transgender women think all men are chasers. This is true only for transgender women who think this.

With enough evidence, a transgender woman will believe what they think. Why wouldn’t they? Reality “proved” what they think. So the thought “all men are chasers” becomes a belief as more and more evidence proving the thought shows up.

In time, that thought, now a belief, recedes in the background. Evidence replaces “belief” and the “belief” becomes “reality”. At that point, the transgender woman knows all men are chasers. Also at that point, it’s very hard convincing her otherwise. Why? Because her reality matches her belief.

Chicken or egg. Which came first?

But she had the belief first. And before that, the thought. These created the reality. It’s never the other way around.

The fact that so many transgender women know all men are chasers proves what’s written here works. Although transgender women who believe this will deny that’s how they came to believe it.

Turning that reality where all men are chasers into a reality where “I get to have my man and eat him too!” takes some time. More than that though, a transgender woman (and a trans-attracted man) can not only have the lover she wants, she also can have EVERYTHING else she wants.

Having everything though requires knowing the answer to every question below is “yes”. So knowing “yes” as the answer requires seeing evidence everywhere. That’s why simple agreement isn’t enough.

These questions will challenge many beliefs. They also challenge many people’s realities. That’s because so many people have beliefs creating realities demanding these questions be answered with resounding NOs.

Until a person understands their reality springs from their beliefs, not the other way around, answering “yes” is impossible.

A trans-attracted man finding his center and thereby starting to create realities consistent with what he wants.

Joy starts with yes!

The joy inherent in knowing the answer is “yes” is what life is all about. Living lives of fulfilled desires is life’s purpose. That’s why when you’re having sex and loving it, you’re not screaming NO NO NO! You’re screaming YES, YES, YES! 😂😊🤣

So here are the questions:

  1. Does abundance in all things exist?
  2. Does well-being flow through all things? 
  3. Is evil an illusion?
  4. Is scarcity an illusion?
  5. Is control an illusion?
  6. Do all circumstances work out for good? 
  7. Are negative beliefs a catalyst for positive growth?
  8. Does everyone want a better reality?
  9. Do we create our own reality?
  10. Is everyone free?
  11. Is progress an inevitability?
  12. Can everyone have what they want?
  13. Are all paradoxes resolvable?
  14. Are the specific values of the individual aligned with the general values of the collective?
  15. Are all conflicts illusory?
  16. Is every perspective valid?
  17. Is every perspective valuable? 
  18. Are humans inherently good? 
  19. Can humans be trusted?
  20. Do humans want to be free from control/manipulation?
  21. Do humans want well-being for themselves and for others?
  22. Is humanity currently headed in a positive direction?
  23. Do people want to live by their intrinsic motivations? 
  24. Do intrinsic motivations always lead to good things?
  25. Is it okay to give up on something?
  26. Does everyone have good intentions?
  27. Can efficient and effective organizing structures emerge organically?
  28. Does everything evolve?
  29. Can “bad ideas” turn into “good ideas”?
  30. Is it inevitable that every “bad idea” evolves into a “good idea” given enough allowance for intuitive inspiration?

Belief confrontations suck

If you’re having trouble, you’re not alone. Most people will not answer yes every time. Likely, you experienced extreme resistance to even considering the answer as yes.

That’s called a “belief confrontaton”. Your reality is so out of whack with the question’s answer, you can’t bear thinking the answer is yes. But the answer IS yes.

You can discover bliss in human being-ness by learning to see, then living from, what’s possible when you know the right answer.

That’s what my clients find. And when they do, life gets fun.

After all, who wouldn’t want a life full of desires fulfilling themselves? That’s what everyone in a physical body knew life could be like before they came.

Yes, even transgender people.

But many get stuck once they get here. That’s because they don’t remember what they forgot, the forgetting of which is a prerequisite to arrival.

You can remember. Everyone can. Are you remembering? If you aren’t, I can help.

Letters@The Transamorous Network

Lovd@The_Transamorous_Network 2

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy and this letter, from a person in Russia who doesn’t speak English, has been edited for clarity:


Before I start, I want to warn you, I use Google translator.

[Am] I correct to understood that “The Man’s Guide To Finding Your Transgender Parter” [about] working with your own statements (on your blog, I noticed you call this “story”)? And with this guide you can remove all the “garbage”?

Also, with the help of it, it will be possible to find the most ideal and most beautiful trans-girl (with all the qualities (external, internal, sexual, etc.))? Even [if I have things telling me what I want is unrealistic (because it seems to me that my requests are too big…and I want to work out that too)?

[My interest in] Trans-girls began 10 years ago (approximately), I am 23 years old [now]. At one time I tried to suppress this attraction in every possible way, but it always ended in failure (and every day, I am more glad that I did not succeed in suppressing).

Like many, I was tormented by the thoughts “I’m a gay / bi / pervert,” but recently, I realized that it makes no difference to me what my orientation is, I’m just crazy (in a good way)) [for] trans-girls.

In the future, I want to find the only one with whom I will live my whole life, and that we live happily, harmoniously, cheerfully, so that we enjoy each other even just being together.

For myself, I realized that I am a monogamist and I do not want to waste time on temporary, short, one-way relationships.

I hope that I will use your guidance as soon as possible. Thank you for being there! I am glad that I am not alone in many thoughts. Sorry that the message turned out to be long, I just wanted to at least share it with someone. Happiness, kindness and all the best to you.


Hi Evgeny!

Thank you for your email. Google translator is very good!

Yes, The Man’s Guide will help you change your stories. Your current stories create your reality. In time, by focusing on stories that support what you want, you will meet the transgender woman of your dreams. No request is too big. No request is “unrealistic”.

The guides will work. But you must practice what they teach every day with discipline and rigor. If you do, you will see your desires happening. You will also notice other areas of your life improving. The guides will improve your entire life in addition to your love life. 😌

Some people have difficulty with a daily practice. That’s why we offer 1:1 mentoring. In the mentoring you get a weekly call with me. We talk you through using the material each week. Your daily life becomes your practice arena. The cost per month is less than one mental health counseling session.

I’m glad you found us. Your experience is similar to many people. You’re not alone and your desire is NOT perverted. I’m glad you’ve come to that realization and are ready for a wonderful love life. Because you are.

It’s normal to find transgender women attractive and worthy of your love. Because they are!


Trans attraction is an adventure

Trans_Attraction_Is_An_Adventure 1
Photo by mwangi gatheca on Unsplash

I spoke with a man this weekend in the early stages of the trans attraction–transamory journey. At his wits end, he contacted me hoping he’d get relief.

He didn’t get any. Instead, he got clarity about what lies ahead: an awesome adventure.

Steven (not his real name) wrote me the following email:

“I think I may be a tranny chaser because I fantasize about them. I have only told a few ppl about this and I don’t want to keep it a secret from people. Although I don’t know if I want a relationship with a trans woman. Can you help me?”

When talked on Skype, Steve was tied in knots.  He hoped other people’s opinions might help ease anxiety, fear and insecurity he felt. But when he asked others’ their opinion he got more anxiety, fear and insecurity.

Rationalizing heterosexuality

Steve started watching porn when he was 16. Now in his mid twenties, he recently found trans porn transfixing.

“Something about women with penises I find attractive,” he said. Steve only watches trans porn featuring trans women masturbating. I asked if he imagined being the woman.

“No,” he said.

Porn can introduce a man to his trans attraction. It’s not the only way men do it though. Some find their attraction meeting a trans woman for the first time. Some find it through bars or sex workers. Porn is common though.

The more Steve watched porn, the more Steve found trans women alluring. They compelled his attention so much he felt near addicted to it. When not watching, Steve thinks about trans women all the time, he said. One day he figured he should try “experiencing” a trans woman, but the thought scared him.

Steve considers himself heterosexual. His arousal for trans women threatens this label though, and, like many trans attracted men, that real perceived threat causes fear and anxiety.

“How could I be heterosexual and like this kind of stuff?” he asked in resistance to his trans attraction.

I asked, “Why do you feel fear? What would happen if you explore this that scares you?”

The crux of many men’s fears about discovering their natural attraction to transgender women lies in Steve’s answer. Men worry about what others are going to think about them. So they feel insecurity, fear, anxiety and uncertainty in their budding trans-attraction.

The crux of many men’s fears about discovering their natural attraction to transgender women lies in his answer. Men worry about what others are going to think about them. So they feel insecurity, fear, anxiety and uncertainty in their budding trans-attraction. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Focus on that too long and these men get taken over by their fear-producing thoughts or stories. They can’t stop thinking about these scenarios. Insecurity grows so big, they think their stories are happening against their will.

The only thing happening though is momentum. Repeatedly telling their fear-filled stories, these men give more life force to such stories. They’ve told such stories (entertained such thoughts) so often, those stories themselves become alive. If men continue telling these stories, they will become their reality. The negative emotions these men feel indicate they want something different than the reality that’s coming.

It’s not that they want to not be trans attracted though. It’s that they want to feel strong, confident and certain in their trans attraction. But their fears block that clarity.

Steve was no different. He said his thoughts about trans women and the anxiety he felt returned to his mind unbidden, at all times, throughout the day. He worried something was wrong.

“I worry what others might say and think about me, too” He said. Then he quickly added: “I want a woman and want to raise children”.

I know this common excuse used to deny one’s trans attraction. Wanting a family masks illogical conclusions drawn from fear and insecurity. I pointed this out by sharing two scenarios with Steve, one in which he’s married to a cis-woman, who, down the line somehow loses her child-bearing ability.

“What would you do in this situation?” I asked.

“We could adopt, or get a surrogate,” Steve said. I nodded.

Then I told the other scenario, one where he and a trans woman are together and both want a family, but the woman has a penis. I asked the same question. Steve got the point.

But here’s the strange thing about some men, including Steve. Men will sometimes turn to the very same people they fear rejection from, for advice. That’s exactly what Steve did. He asked relatives, friends, girlfriends.

Not surprisingly many of those people said Steve should avoid these thoughts and this interest. Steve’s reality already started matching his fears. Standing in insecurity, fear and self-shame, he got advice matching his worries.

Not surprisingly many of those people said Steve should avoid these thoughts and this interest. Steve’s reality already started matching his fears. Standing in insecurity, fear and self-shame, he got advice matching his worries. Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Trans attraction runs deep. It’s not something one can ignore once it gets triggered. I don’t recommend trans attracted men seek answers from other people, especially when first discovering their trans attraction. Everyone creates their reality through storytelling. So stories conjuring fear, anxiety and insecurity are bound to create people and experiences reflecting those negative emotions.

When a trans attracted man seeks advice from others while feeling insecure or shame, they’re going to get advice that’s not helpful. They’ll get unhelpful reactions too. For the people they’ll ask will be people matching the fear and insecurity the man feels.

Same goes for trans women, by the way. Which is why a trans woman who is insecure  will usually meet equally insecure men. There are no “tranny chasers”. There are insecure trans women projecting their insecurities which create realities wherein they meet insecure men, i.e. perfect matches.

If it feels good, it’s right

Instead of looking for advice in others, it’s better to nurture one’s inner wisdom, then rely on that for guidance. Living life from here changes life experience too. There are a lot of insecure people walking around. Trans attracted men do better when they rely on their own inner guidance direction. But first, they must nurture that connection.

All these insecure people are looking to other insecure people for their answers not knowing the only real answers are within. Why on earth do we seek answers from fellow humans, many of whom are insecure at one level or another, when we all have secure, confident, clear inner selves guiding us all the time, if we’d only take time to nurture that connection then listen?

That’s what I told Steve. I suggested he look to himself for his answers because he knows better than anyone else what’s right for him.

“What feels good is right,” I said. “Follow that. Your trans attraction feels good. It’s your negative stories that feel bad. Follow what feels good and see where it leads you.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh. I asked what that was. He said he wasn’t ready for the “heaviness” of what he knew he had to do. I agreed with that. He looked like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders. I told him it wouldn’t stay that way.

For Steve and all trans attracted men: Trans attraction is an adventure. It’s part of the bigger adventure called life. You came to explore all your life offers. In that exploration you become more authentic in you and help others do the same.

Trans attraction can be a path of perpetual delight, but if you’re looking to others for their opinions about what and who you are and what you should do, you’re just making that adventure harder than it needs to be.

How to differentiate between trans-attraction and transamory

We get a lot of letters and comments at The Transamorous Network. So far, though, nothing like this…

Last week Jim Venturini contacted us. He’s followed us for many years, but recently accepted wholeheartedly his transamory. He contacted us not only to tell his success story, he also wants to reach others like him, who struggle, as he once had, with trans-attraction.

That’s the difference between a trans-attracted man and a transamorous one. Trans-attracted men can be nearly anywhere along the journey. The Transamorous man is in one place and one place only: not only do they love trans women, love them openly and see them for all of who and what they are, they’re also out loud supporters.

But they’re not just supporters of trans woman. They’re also supporters of trans-attracted men. They’ve been there, they know what it’s like. They recognize how hard it was and want to help other men have it better. They recognize how they too once fetishized trans women and want to help stop that.

It’s cool hearing Jim’s story. Rather than us telling it, here’s Jim telling it in his own words via a IM session he had with us. See if you can tell the difference.
















Whether you’re trans-attracted and feeling shame and embarrassment, there are lots of men like you out there feeling the same way. Not only are you not alone, YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY. We can help you embrace all you are then become successful at finding your partner.

If you’re a trans woman and thinking after reading this that Jim is a unicorn, think again. Not only are there tens of thousands (and more!) of men like him out there, the biggest thing to know is, you don’t need that many! You just have desire for one, likely. You can have the love you want.  Telling the right stories is where it starts. We can help you too!

Letters@The Transamorous Network


Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:


I for most of my life have lived and thought of myself as a straight man. Now though I feel I am also attracted to trans women pre and post SRS. I prefer women but I’m also attracted to trans women. I am from India and we have this under a taboo subject line. So I haven’t told anybody yet. I just want to understand my sexuality better. I have only felt sexual attraction to trans women yet, maybe because I don’t know any trans women. If you were familiar with India, you would probably know that here transsexuals don’t really live with everyone else as a community. They are sent or left with other transsexuals and don’t really come in contact with the rest of the society generally. I hope you’ll understand my confusion and help me understand my sexuality. I accepted it quite some time ago. The first time I felt it, I was scared but soon I realised it’s who I am, and accepted it.

Kumar K.

Hi Kumar,

That you are writing us indicates your willingness to want to understand more of what and who you are. Congratulations! Yes, we’re very familiar with how Indian society regards Hijira. Here are some things to consider, based on what you wrote:

Regarding your sexual orientation: It doesn’t matter if you’re bi or straight….or even gay really. Although “totally” gay men aren’t usually attracted to transgender women because gay men are attracted to men. However, we have had both gay men and gay women (lesbians) contact us asking for help with their attraction to trans men and trans women. The point is, whether you’re “straight” or not doesn’t matter.

That said, some transgender women who aren’t fully secure in who they are, avoid men who are bi or otherwise not “straight”. That’s because some transgender women feel insecure about themselves. They feel insecure because they tell stories that conjure insecurity. Rather than changing their stories, finding their invincibility then dating from there, they try soothing their insecurity through validation from prospective partners.

So a “totally straight” man is usually what they are looking for because a “totally straight” man will validate that they are women. A guy who is somewhere in the middle, i.e. not so straight, will trigger their stories and thus their insecurity.

The problem with insecurity-producing stories is they match the story teller with people who are themselves insecure. This is why so many trans women complain about DL men: they meet so many DL men because DL men are insecure and thus match the women’s insecurity.

Everyone always meets their match. If you’re insecure, you’re going to meet insecure people when dating.

That said, there are lots of transgender people who are secure in their self-awareness, their stories and beliefs and choose partners from there. Such trans women are open to men who are not totally straight because the men’s non-straightness doesn’t threaten the women.

Your orientation is not that important relative to your attraction. But your stories about your orientation create circumstances consistent with them. You just want to be aware of that.

A “straight man” is always attracted to attractive transgender women…until they find out the woman is trans. This is because the idea of a “transgender” person threatens their insecurity (their negative stories about themselves) as a straight man, in the same way a bi male might threaten the insecurity of a transgender woman. Is this making sense to you?

So a straight man is usually at the very least intrigued….when they meet an attractive transgender woman. A secure straight man would not be reviled by the presences of a transgender woman, for example.

On your preferences: Good for you. As you come more into owning who and what you are, you may refine your preferences. But for now, it’s totally ok to have the preferences you have.

On taboos: One of the reasons you chose to be born in India is to explore your sense of self-identity juxtaposed against a society which is very strict about how one thinks about one’s self compared to others. You also are there to “shake things up”. This is, generally, what all trans-attracted men came to do. Same with transgender women.

You came into the world appreciating the marvelous diversity of life. The more you are secure with who you are, you give room for others to do the same. If you think about this regarding the women you now accept being attracted to, you offer them a great gift: proof through your sincere, honest and transparent attraction to them that they are worthy of being. And of being loved. That’s huge.

It’s a fascinating journey Kumar. One that has lots of wondrous experiences in store for you.


Hi again,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it and would like to answer that yes I understand what you are saying. If I am being completely honest with you I would say I prefer women. I always have and it’s natural to me. But I also find trans women attractive as I already said in my last email. I don’t really care if they are pre SRS, I am still attracted to them. Because post SRS they are basically women. They don’t need to explain themselves to anyone. I won’t so much say that I am attracted to men, but yes I have thought as far as a kiss maybe, but nothing more, and it has only happened on rarest of rare occasions. To be exact, twice. It’s just really freeing to actually Converse with someone about this. Thanks for the reply. It really means a lot to me. 


Hi again Kumar,

You’re welcome. Good you’re understanding. It’s ok to prefer women. You haven’t been with a transgender woman yet 😂.

It’s interesting too that you’re exploring outer edges of who you are, for here in your second reply you admit experiencing physical intimacy to some degree with men. This shows this whole idea of “straightness” filled with more holes that most people think. Humans would be better off dropping stories claiming there’s only “men” and “women” and “Gay” and “Straight”.

Keep exploring!