Tag: LGBTQIA

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A trans woman tells her amazing story

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A client tells her story

When Tamar signed up for her first 1:1 spiritual mentoring session almost two years ago, she was living in a tent in the backyard of a house she owned in Australia. Back then, Tamar had a dream, she said, of one day circumnavigating the Australian continent by sea…

I got this direct message (above) from her last week. Here’s Tamar’s story, in her own words:

“I used to live in a tent in the back yard of the house I owned. Now, I have found my joy like never before…and I’m free.

…I knew I was different at an early age. Gentle, caring, and quite frankly horrified at the expectations that were thrust upon me. I had no concept of being transgender back then. I tried to prove my masculinity, to others and myself, by working extremely “manly” jobs. Those jobs took their toll on my body. Finally owning my transgender identity took its toll on my marriage.

While I raised my four kids successfully, under a roof I paid for, before my transition, I was living estranged from my family and wife in a tent in the backyard of the house I spent all my working life affording.

Needless to say that fact left me bitter, resentful and unhappy.

The jobs I worked left me on disability. I used to think being transgender was a handful in and of itself. But in addition to that, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and an anxiety disorder.

I would literally have panic attacks when around crowds. Even the thought of being around strangers left me feeling exposed, anxious, fearful and alone. That’s to say nothing about finding a romantic male partner. For me, romance was not even on the table.

Then I encountered Positively Focused [our sister site]**. All along I knew myself to be a divine character, but my life experience and the stories I created were making a life that matched that seem like a pipe dream: how could I live who I knew myself to be when I faced so many obstacles?

So when I found Positively Focused, I was in an extremely negative space. And not just emotionally.

After just six Positively Focused sessions, I created an entirely new reality for myself. I’m now living in a nice apartment that came to me…seemingly miraculously.

I have more money, my privacy and I’m far, far from that living situation I dreaded every moment I was there.

But more importantly is how I feel. I’m in the best condition I’ve been in. Ever. Looking back at that first session, I don’t even recognize myself!

A new life has begun. A freer one. All my dreams I put on hold are in sight.

It’s great to be out of that tent. After I have settled in, and rested a while, I’ll be ready to find a friend.

It’s strange. Not long ago, I had given up on getting away from that old living situation. I had started shopping online for hiking gear, spending my money. I had come to the conclusion that if I was going to live in a tent anyway, the peace of the woods was better than where I was. I was getting ready to be homeless.

But then I received a call from a person I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. They gave me the unit I had asked for. I found it odd, that within hours of “letting go”, I was given what I wanted/needed.

Intriguing, and exciting also, perhaps.

Needless to say, I’ve benefitted tremendously from my Positively Focused experience. I realize my case may be extreme. But if Positively Focused can turn my life around, it can certainly do wonders for yours.”

Tamar wrote that in 2018. As I’ve said, as momentum increases, life gets better and better. For Tamar, that means living dreams once put on hold.

“Realists” criticize people who have their head in the clouds, who see the glass as overflowing. Pollyanna gets a bad wrap from people who think they’re being real, when they’re actually being pessimistic.

Meanwhile those who are Pollyanna – who see the world Positively Focused – are getting lives they love.

Just like Tamar here. You can too!

 

**Positively Focused is our sister site offering the same approach to life we do here at The Transamorous Network. To find out more about Positively Focused, click here. You get access to the same content by going through The Transamorous Network’s matchmaking service.

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Destroying the chaser/fetish trans trope

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Photo by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash

Once I talked with a frustrated trans man. We interviewed him actually. He lamented how “dick centric” the gay community is and how gay men with vaginas have hard times dating. Or even having sex.

Gay men aren’t the only ones with a dick-centrism problem. A certain negative dick-centrism also dictates (dick-tates?) the transgender dating world’s focus on “chasers”: fetish men, presumably seeking casual encounters with “pre operative” trans women.

The Transamorous Network is central to this chaser conversation. The transgender community’s strong attachment and revulsion to “chaser behavior” may stem from a deep and equal revulsion some transgender women have about their pre-operative parts.

Don’t get me wrong: not all transgender women are so repulsed. But some are. Some men are too. A woman with a penis, for some men, just doesn’t compute. But for others, it’s as normal as anything.

We get emails from time to time from these men. Men who are shamed into obscurity for their attraction to women with penises. And men who are proud of their attraction. I know there are trans women too who have no qualms having a penis.

But the negative dick-centric narrative among transgender community members appears to be monopolized by those vocal trans women who may revile their penis. Then project their revulsion on to men who find women with penises desirable. Despite the vocal cries, these men’s desire is not dick centric. Well, it can be. At first.

But many men get past that, finding their trans-attraction a huge gift. Trans women are beautiful, smart, strong, and powerful after all.

It’s because of one such man that I’m writing this post. He made a comment today on one of our more popular, timeless posts on our website. His comment is so good, rather than paraphrase it, I’m pasting it here in its entirety. It does a great job making the case (and winning it, IMO) that women with penises are perfectly normal and men who love such women are too.

Why is it that only one type of preference in a woman’s genitalia is a fetish? A man who is only sexually attracted to a woman with a penis has a fetish but a man who is only sexually attracted to a woman with a vagina does not have a fetish? What’s the difference?

Are the men who are attracted to women with vaginas healthy and normal (since they don’t have a fetish) while those who desire a woman with a penis deviants and abnormal?

Given an attractive pre-op trans woman, many cis men would initially be attracted to her. However the vast majority of them will cease to have any interest in her once they know that she has a penis. Sad but true.

The men who remain attracted to her because she has a penis are then labeled as chasers with a fetish. Also sad and also true.

So who does that leave as potential mates for the transgender woman? The ideal man to whom genitalia is absolutely irrelevant when choosing a partner? While I aspire to be such a man, I do not believe that many of them exist in our present level of evolution. I have yet to meet the man that truly doesn’t care what is between a woman’s legs. Again, sad but true.

By labeling any man who is attracted to a woman with a penis as a chaser with a fetish, pre-op transgender women eliminate the entire pool of men who might be attracted to them. Who’s left?

I am not saying that men only care about what is between a woman’s legs in choosing a mate. However what is between her legs determines whether a man will even take the next step to get to know her. The fact is, the vast majority of men will dismiss a pre-op transgender woman without knowing anything else about her. For them, she has a penis, that’s it, end of discussion.

Why, then, should we eliminate the men who want to take the time to get to know a pre-op transgender woman and learn if there is a mental and spiritual connection? Nope, those guys have a fetish! They want a woman with a penis! Out they go!

One last question. As a pre-op transgender woman, why wouldn’t you want a guy who wants you exactly the way you are? I am in a relationship with a transgender woman who has never had any surgery nor taken any hormones. I wouldn’t change a hair on her head but then again, I must be a man with a fetish.

It’s interesting that many men who come into their transamory eventually begin thinking these kinds of thoughts, thoughts which broaden their perspective.

Our realities are created through thoughts we think. No thought is off limits. If you believe your penis is something you must get rid of in order to feel integrated, then go for it.

But there may be a thought you may not be aware of driving such desires: thoughts society wants you to think. Thoughts which define for us what being a woman is. I choose to choose my own definition as well as my own thoughts. So do many trans-attracted men.

I’m not suggesting every transgender woman keep their penis. I am suggesting that the transgender community is doing itself a great disservice by vilifying men who think trans women who have penises are marvelous. I would say this man agrees.

The path to expressing our leadership as members of the transgender community begins with letting go of self-loathing. That’s exactly what the “chaser” trope expresses. Let it go.

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A Client Gets A Relationship, Part 2

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Welcome back.

Last time I wrote about Joe (not his real name) a client who met his ideal match in a transgender woman. Joe was excited about this. He felt the Universe designed this gathering.

It did.

But the “why” wasn’t what Joe thought.

This post details what happened after Joe’s initial excitement and enthusiasm. It also sheds more light on our framework. Why it is so powerful. And why we guarantee you’ll get your ideal match.

That and a whole lot more. Let’s get started.

• • •

By his ninth session, Joe’s enthusiasm disappeared. He was low-energy. Not the excited person from our cancelled seventh session.

Turns out Cassandra (not her real name either), the transgender woman he met, hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Despondent, Joe had all kinds of negative stories about why. Stories about the experience. Stories about himself. Stories about our approach.

Joe’s grumpiness matched all these stories. Joe thought something went wrong.

 

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Nothing went wrong.

Instead, Joe’s life experience showed him what he must change if he wants his ideal partner. Remy says this all the time. If you want your ideal match you must become a match to them.

Joe is not yet a match. So he drew to himself someone who matches where he is. The gift of this perfect relationship connection is, it showed this to him.

That doesn’t mean he liked what he saw.

But had he been able to, he would have benefitted even more from the experience.

Life is eternal. You always get more chances so nothing is lost. Nothing goes wrong. Ever.

The relationships with Cassandra didn’t show up as the relationship Joe wanted. But it did show Joe many of his disempowering stories.

And it showed him how his relationship behavior matches those stories.

Joe moved too fast. His stories about relationship scarcity caused had him cling to this relationship. As if there weren’t going to be any others.

Out of his desperation to have a relationship, he asked Cassandra if she was seeing anyone else, implying energetically, of course, that he’d prefer he be the only one she was seeing.

After all, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. But the reason he wasn’t seeing anyone else wasn’t because he had other opportunities. It’s because he is grasping desperately for THE relationship. Instead of enjoying life.

When Cassandra said she was seeing others, Joe played it off. But it was obvious in our call that answer was not the right one. It did match his stories though.

• • •

We know at The Transamorous Network that stories create reality. We also know momentum of stories told often enough can’t be avoided. That’s not how life works.

To slow old story momentum, a person must tell new stories. New stories which, over time, will build enough momentum in their own right. Meanwhile, old story momentum deactivates. They have less effect on reality. Including one’s behaviors.

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Joe didn’t focus on new stories after that exchange. That focus takes effort, which is why we offer our framework. Joe is only starting. So he doesn’t realize yet how to check in with his emotions early enough to halt old story momentum.

It’s a rare skill among people. Hardly anyone has the discipline and rigor to do such work on their own. Hardly anyone understands why we have emotions. We offer our framework for that reason.

So rather than focusing on new stories he is working on in our sessions, Joe allowed his old stories to continue creating his reality. Disappointment he felt isn’t about how the relationship turned out (it ended). Although that’s what Joe thinks is the reason he’s disappointed. He feels disappointment (and frustration and sadness and more) because he’s focusing on his reality. The reality his old stories are creating.  Realities not matching what he wants.

Again, Joe is just starting. So he doesn’t get how important it is to understand the purpose of emotions. So instead of using his emotions they way they’re intended, he tries to behave in spite of them.

Meanwhile, his behavior faithfully creates outcomes matching his old stories.

For example, one night frustrated in not hearing from Cassandra, Joe drunk-dialed her. That didn’t go well.

Drunk-dialing is a classic knee-jerk reaction to strong negative emotions triggered by negative stories about relationships playing out in physical reality. Thinking that behavior would bring relief, people drink to numb the emotion.

But alcohol amplifies negative emotion. It adds momentum to stories. That momentum draws to it other stories like it. Your stories are living things. Not just words. Stories like company. They draw to themselves stories like themselves. That’s how story or belief constellations happen.

That’s also why drinking to numb pain usually begins a downward spiral. When it comes to a “failed” relationship, that spiral often includes drunk-dialing.

Remember, in the last post I cautioned Joe about what was happening. I said Cassandra was a perfect match to Joe’s stories. That she is a perfect match is an excellent indicator.

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What do I mean by that?

I mean, Joe got to see exactly how his stories create his reality. A reality which includes transgender women not all that interested in Joe for Joe.

To Joe, she seemed interested. At first. But later she wasn’t.

By our ninth session, Joe was not in a good place at all. He couldn’t see the extraordinary benefit of a relationship like the one he got.

• • •

Then one day, Cassandra contacted him after a long absence. He said she asked him to pay for something for her. Joe didn’t have the money. He hasn’t heard from her since telling her so.

Of course, Joe’s old beliefs showed up again. “That’s all she wanted me for”, He told me during our session.

That story can be extended more broadly about all his relationships with transgender women, women who usually are sex workers.

Joe left session nine pretty negative.

If Joe continues the work, this could be a turning point for him. His stories are screaming out loud. Now that he has some grounding in “Stories” and how they create reality, he is getting first hand experience in his own life experience how stories do that.

He’s not happy about that.

But this is the process. It’s how it works.

I reminded Joe his unhappiness is an emotion telling him something important. It’s telling him his stories about this situation aren’t consistent with what’s really happening.

Again, of course, Joe didn’t want to hear this. He defended his stories as “true”, which they are. But he refused to understand that they are only true because his stories have created a reality consistent with them. They are no more true than any other story he might tell often enough to create momentum and a new reality consistent with that.

And that is the work. Using one’s life experience as a living classroom, our framework shows clients how to tell new stories. New stories told frequent enough so their reality changes to match them.

Then they have a new truth. A life experience that contains everything they want.

Including their ideal partner.

Joe is continuing the work. We’ll see whether his relationship with Cassandra was the last one he’ll let his old stories dictate.

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Here’s Why We Guarantee You’ll Get Great Results

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I guarantee The Transamorous Network can show you how to meet your match. You’ll also find the process fun and enjoyable. It will also improve all other areas of your life.

No dating apps or websites. Working with us, you will meet your match (many matches actually) without any struggle. And fast.

No kissed frogs. No broken hearts. Just a lot of fun.

What happened to me last week shows exactly how our process works. You won’t believe this true story. But it is true!

Last Monday, I went to a meeting at the local LGBTQIA community center. I’m getting closer to the community this way.

This is the second or third meeting I’ve attended. This week, over half the people there were new. One of the people was a shy transgender woman just starting out in her transition.

When the meeting ended, she stood in the doorway as most people left. I stayed too. I was talking with another attendee and the meeting organizer. I got an impulse about this person. It told me I would be speaking with her.

· · ·

We talk so much about following intuition at the The Transamorous Network. That’s because it is how your higher self tells you where to go what to do and who to talk with to get what you want.

Two things must happen to hear your intuition: first, you must learn to hear or feel the impulses. Second, you must learn to tell the difference between impulses and other voices in the head. Voices that aren’t intuition.

We show you how to do that among other things.

So here I was in this room. My impulse telling me to talk to this person. But I’m also engaged in another conversation. Not to worry, I tell myself. I’ll meet her again.

What happened next needs some context.

· · ·

I usually ride my bike to get places. Other times I ride the bus. Rarely do I go by car.

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Riding the bus in Portland is often a relaxing and enjoyable affair. (Photo by the Author)

There are 84 bus lines operating in the city where I live on any given day. Even if only two buses serve those lines each day, that’s almost two hundred buses moving around Portland. There’s also a street car and a light rail as well as many shuttles operating. Every day.

But there are more than two buses per line. Some lines have many more than two. There are literally hundreds of buses running around Portland at any given time.

Ok, that’s the context. Back to my story…

I had finished a great day at my bridging job. I felt high and happy. I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. I wasn’t even thinking about this transgender woman.

I got on the first bus of my 2-bus trip from work. I was listening to a podcast I enjoy. And I was thinking about how cool it was that I got two more informal offers for promotion at work. And I’d only been there two weeks.

So I got off the first bus. I waited a few minutes until the second bus came. While waiting, I thought about being trans-attracted. I thought about the places I might meet transgender people. I thought these for about 10 minutes. Then, the image of that transgender woman from the meeting came into my head. I dwelled on it a bit. But then the bus came.

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It stopped in front of me. The doors opened and…you guessed it: there she was.

She wasn’t just on the bus. She was driving the bus!

· · ·

Those of you unclear about how matter, events, circumstances and people come into your life might say “Perry, you’re crazy. That’s just coincidence.”

But it’s not coincidence.

This is how everything happens. When you’re connected to your broader self, you can control what comes into your life. Including lovers. You get connected by being positively focused aka telling the right stories.

“Sarah” and I had a great conversation the whole way to where I live. I’m sure I’ll see her again. I encouraged her to come back to the meeting next month. But the fact that she drives the bus line I ride home on pretty much assures me I’ll see her again.

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The bus might be the place your meet your match. With no effort at all!

We guarantee you’ll meet your partner using this approach. Stipulate any criteria. The Universe will organize circumstances so that you run into this person in a natural, easy way. It might be on a bus, or in a store, on the street or somewhere else unexpected. No wading through online profiles, no bad dates.

This is happening all the time in my life. It’s happening in your life too.

But unless you know how to take control of what’s happening, work the levers and see the results, life just looks random and coincidental.

Life is not random or coincidental.

I guarantee you’ll have immediate results with our approach. I can guarantee it because it’s happening every day in my life.

Why are you missing out on the joyful adventure life is?

Contact us and let’s get your adventure started.