Tag: Cis-trans relationships

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How to prove your stories create your reality

fullsizeoutput_1e07In my last post I wrote about how sucky stories creates a sucky life. You just can’t complain about life and end up happy. All you get is more suck.

“Suck” doesn’t have to be something monumental, such as chronic illness or chronic unemployment. It can be as simple a thing as not finding the love you want whether you’re transgender or trans attracted. It an even be as simple as having a desire for something (anything) and not finding fulfillment of that desire.

That does suck!

Whether you believe it or not, you’re supposed to be getting all you want out of this life. But to have all those things there’s a few other things you need to remember and then put into action.

:Your disbelief can’t be disproved.:

One is that you are creating your life experience as you go. The other is that your emotions clue you in on the process you use (your story-telling) to create your life experience and are constantly indicating whether you’re creating the life you want, or something other than that.

If you don’t believe that, it doesn’t matter because that’s what’s happening. The interesting thing about the stories you tell is (and stories are just thoughts, and “beliefs” are thoughts you think over and over) this: life will always show you evidence of the story you’re telling.

So in this quirky way, if you don’t believe what you’re reading right now, life is…right now…giving you all kinds of evidence to “prove” your thoughts and beliefs are “true”. Including other thoughts consistent with your story that this is not “true”. So your disbelief can’t be disproved.

The only thing you can do to prove to yourself what you’re reading is accurate is to try on new stories consistent with what you’re reading. I guarantee over 30 days, such a test will offer so much evidence you’ll begin to see life in a whole new way.

And from there, the sky’s the limit.

 

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When racism and transphobia look the same

racism-transphobiaIt’s an interesting question. This articlearticle takes a good, long look at that question. It begins with recounting the murder of a transwoman, so be forewarned…

The article’s main message is, you’re transphobic if you think a person who is trans needs to tell potential suitors that fact before they engage in a relationship. The argument goes that a person who is not attracted to transwomen will want to know ahead of time who they are getting involved with. Because if that person is transgender, there is a possibility the cis-person (or other variety of human) won’t choose to be with that person.

I guess the same argument could be made for being racist: if somehow black people could conceal their blackness, racists would want to know ahead of time whether the person they find themselves interested in is black, so they can check their interest.

Sounds dumb, right? I mean, in order for a person to want to be sure they aren’t interested in said black person is because they are somehow interested in them, right? Interestingly, we don’t have to worry about that because black people can’t conceal their blackness. Most anyway. As a result, people who make their partner choices based on skin color alone can merrily avoid all us niggers. lol.

Not so with transgender people apparently.

Which is the point, I think, of the article. Not that all transgender people conceal their trans ness…many actually do. Intentionally and unintentionally. But that’s not the point I’m making. I’m saying it’s quite possible that a person who is scared of being with a transgender person can easily find themselves attracted to a transgender person before discovering the person is indeed trans. I mean have you seen Dusty Rose? This of course has happened in many of the trans murder cases in recent years.

But being scared of a person because they are trans is an interesting thing.

The author puts it more plainly:

None of this means it is transphobic to not be attracted to individual trans people. Nor is it transphobic to not be attracted to specific genitals. But it is transphobic to claim to not be attracted to all trans, people. For example, there is a difference between saying you won’t go out with someone for having a penis and saying you won’t go out with someone because they’re trans.

It’s similar to someone saying they aren’t attracted to all black people. So is it a preference? Or is it phobia/racism?

Incidentally, many, many transwomen are racist if held to this same definition. Couldn’t a transwoman’s lack of interest in black men – because of their skin color – or some other aspect of their physical disposition, something they can’t help bing, be interpeted the same way?

You better believe it.

“Oh, but THAT’S a preference,” some will say….Not according to many,  many, many, many people. But not everyone. Some think it’s just prejudice. Others do think it’s a preference. So how is not wanting to be with a transwoman, even if a person is initially attracted to such a person, not a preference then? I think it depends on the story.

Dusty Rose
That’s Dusty Rose. And yes, she’s fine, period

After all, there are a LOT of black people, men too, who are loving, caring people. Just as there are probably similar such people among transwomen.

Here’s a great definition of racism: “people making negative assessments of large groups of individuals that they’ve never met, based solely on the color of their skin.” Replace “based solely on the color of their skin” with “based solely on their status outside the heteronormative binary”, and we start coming to some interesting parallels.

Suffice it to say this is an great example of why I wrote the post recently on why it’s so hard to be the “woke” police. Everyone has a picadillo or two. You’re bound to have yours exposed when you start exposing others. So it’s tough to call people racist or transphobic, especially in the grey areas. If a person is calling people racist slurs, or anti-trans slurs, or demeaning a person, or a group of people in either category on the basis of that alone, that’s one thing. But it gets really slippery when a person starts trying to parse out examples that could be just preference.

It’s far better – if you’re wanting to be happy – to leave all that shit to other people. It’s far better to create stories which create the best reality circumstances for your life and let other people live. If that means sometimes (in the early stages) meeting a dick, or a racist or a transphobe or two, so be it. In the end, those people won’t be able to find you….if you’re telling the right stories.

And you’ll live happily ever after.

 

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Lying isn’t going to work

Ladies: There is no way you are going to form a strong relationship foundation on a lie. Lying about who you are is not only disrespectful to any guy you might meet, it is disrespecting  you.

What kind of story are you telling yourself to feel like you have to lie about who and what you are?

“No men will ever want me.”  That’s just a story.

“Straight men don’t want to be with a transgender person.” That’s just a story too.

“I have to lie to get around being transgender.” so is that one.

Ok, so you consider yourself a Woman. Great. But you also have a unique path to being that which you are. And some men aren’t ok with it. That’s not a big deal! There are many who are!

But if you’re asking a guy to accept you as a person, but you’re not willing to share all that you are as the person you are, so the guy can make a fully-informed choice about being with you, then what’s the point?

There is no reason you have to lie about who and what you are in order to have what you want. Be yourself and be proud of that. Be patient and before you know it, in your integrity, you will find what you’re wanting. But you’ll never find it so long as you’re telling yourself that you need to lie about what and who you are.

This story is sad. But not because of what happened to her. It’s sad because of what she is doing to herself.

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Your circumstances match your stories

FullSizeRenderOk, in my last post I explained how most people’s life-experience-creation mechanism is operating on autopilot or default. Odds are good that you’re in the same boat: you don’t know much about stories and how they create your life experience. Heck, you may not even believe – let alone know – that you’re eternal or that you control your life experience.

Or maybe you do. I actually don’t now everyone who reads the stuff I write. But a LOT of people don’t. So the odds are, you’re among them.

And so you may be going through life ignorant that every time you complain about something you’re telling a story. And that story is creating circumstances which match your story. It doesn’t matter that it is something you don’t want. This is how the process works.

The good news is this mechanism comes with an indicator. We call it our emotions. Stories you tell that are not creating circumstances you want to experience cause you to feel negative emotion. Those that are leading to circumstances you’re wanting to experience cause you to feel positive emotion.

Now I want to explain what that means in terms of dating and getting what you want in that area and other areas of life experience.

If you’re telling the story that all men are chasers, it is not possible for you to meet men who aren’t.

If you’re telling yourself that your family disowned you and wants nothing to do with you, it is impossible for them to be anything other than what matches your story. In other words, they can’t change in the face of the story you’re telling about them. Yes, other people are part of your life experience and they, just like everything else in your life experience, is a result of your stories. That includes how they behave towards you.

I know, that sucks. But that’s what’s happening.

If you’re feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans person, you are telling extremely powerful negative stories, stories which are unconscious to you (you aren’t aware of them). But the feelings of shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear you do feel are trying to alert you to them.

If you’re a trans attracted guy and feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans attracted person, you are telling extremely powerful negative stories, stories which are unconscious to you (you aren’t aware of them either). Others pick up on that shit. So they say things (like jokes and jabs) that further confirm your negative stories. They do things which indicate you are to remain feeling shame, embarrassment, lack of confidence, insecurity, or fear as a trans attracted person.

Those are just three examples of what is going on as you create your life experience as you go, and reap the benefits thereof.

So there is a purpose to suffering. What is it? It indicates the stories you’re telling are leading you to what you don’t want. Meanwhile, your life experience matches the stories you tell yourself. So there really are two indicators letting you know how you’re doing creating your reality: how you feel and what you’re getting in your life experience. If your life experience is sucky, you’re telling sucky stories.

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Transgender: suffering is optional

Tolle**Trigger concepts in this post. If you’re easily triggered about certain transgender topics, you might want to read this post first.**

If you’re a transgender woman and you’re suffering some situation, or a transamorous man living a life of shame, lying to loved ones, including yourself, about who you are, it may be hard to hear that your suffering is optional.

As soon as you become aware of your origins and your choices, your options become literally infinite, including the option of bidding adieu to suffering.

How can that be?

It all lies in how we got here, why you’re transgender. Why I’m transamorous.

Here’s how science describes how cis people become cis:

“Embryos start to become male or female at about six to eight weeks. At that time, those with an active gene called SRY, most often found on the Y chromosome, starts to produce the male sex hormone, testosterone. Without the flood of the hormone, embryos remain female. With testosterone, masculinisation begins. It is the fork in the road that shapes a person’s anatomy and physiology, and potentially their behaviour.”

Notice that science presupposes no “existence condition” prior to the embryonic state. Science usually leaves that condition to religion or spirituality. Pity. Because that’s where things get really interesting.

(All of the following can be verified by you with a little focus and effort.)

There has to be (and there is) an existence condition prior to being formed as an embryo. Random chance of you being transgender or transamorous doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. It seems much more logical, from where I’m standing, that we set up the conditions which are our physical life, including how that embryo forms into who we ultimately, biologically, become. And we do this in this existence condition which precedes embryonic formation.

This doesn’t have to negate our freedom-to-choose if we freely choose our circumstances, prior to living them. I mean, isn’t that logical?

If in that existence condition before birth, we were free to set up whatever life circumstances we want, then it makes sense we also have freedom once we get here, bounded only by the circumstances we have set up, doesn’t it? And wouldn’t that freedom include being free of suffering?

By now your stories may be kicking into high gear. If you’re anti-judeo-christian, for example, you might have two story constellations, tightly related: Those stories making up “judeo-christian belief” – the Bible, what your parents told you, what church told you –  and all those stories you’ve made up about “belief” or “faith” that perhaps has you no longer believing in those religious stories.

I’m not saying the judeo-christian stories are right. An atheist or agnostic could be equally resisting what I’m writing here. Stories are stories. They are living things and defend themselves. Are your stories rising up right now to defend their territory (your life view)?

Can suffering be optional?

What I am saying is, you are more free than you think. Even if you are in a situation that seems so bleak, you couldn’t possibly have wanted to experience it, you can find yourself in a far better place, and from there, you can change those circumstances. For good.

Next time, I offer reasons why you might have wanted to come into the world as transgender and why I wanted to come into the world transamorous.