The answer to all your desires, not just the ones about transwomen, is to tell stories about what you want. It really is that simple. Well, there’s a little more to it, but that basically is it.
There is no death. And in your trans attraction there is no shame.
What I am saying is, you are more free than you think. Even if you are in a situation that seems so bleak, you couldn’t possibly have wanted to experience it, you can find yourself in a far better place.
What if there were very good reasons why you came into the world as transgender or transamorous?