Where’s your baby?

img_3756.jpgThe infant kind. No, I’m not talking about you birthing a child.  I’m talking about the baby you’re bathing. 

Here: I’ll explain.

We all desire connection. One connection we most want, particularly as adults, is romantic connection. If you’re a transwoman, or a Transamorous Man, you, more than most really desire that kind of connection.  As much as you may think you’re the independent sort, can do it on your own (men) or don’t need a man to validate you (women), if a transwoman (for the men) or a great guy (for transwomen) showed up today and asked you out, I highly doubt you would say no.

Both Transamorous Men and Transwomen therefore have a desire for what every person on the planet wants. So why are you having such a hard time at finding it?  Probably because of your baby.

You see, when you’re complaining that there are no guys out there who will treat you right, you’re unlikely to find those that will.  If you say to yourself, “there are no transwomen in my area” it’s really difficult to find one in your area. The more intensely you think these kinds of thoughts, the more opaque go your lenses.  It gets to the point where there’s no way you can’t see anything but the reality consistent with your thoughts.

I talked recently with a transwoman who was a guest on our Podcast.  Anyway, she had this to say about the pool of men out there who are “admirers” and how they treat transwomen:

…we are kept as secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…How they dehumanize us all while admiring us.

It’s certainly NOT “admiring” when a guy treats a transwoman this way. Not by my definition. And while speaker did acknowledge backhandedly that there are a few “admirers” who won’t treat her that way (did you catch that?), the majority is what she’s focusing on. This is what I’m talking about.  Before she said this, she asked:

So are you asking for a trans-woman to go to your show and speak of rainbows and butterflies in how men date trans women?

If you’re wanting to meet a member of the minority who will treat you with dignity, then yes, I am asking not just our podcast hosts, but every transwoman who sincerely wants to have a real, lasting relationship with a great guy, focusing on “rainbows and butterflies.” Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the path to your joy and happiness, romance and a new life. You don’t have to do so if you’re a guest on our podcast, but you certainly must if you’re wanting a real-life connection.

If you’re thinking “all men” treat you a certain way, or there are “no men” out there who want you, or, that there are “no transwomen” in your area, then you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water. You don’t need “all men”. You just want one, or some number if you’re poly-oriented, or “non-hetero-mono-normative”.  You don’t need every transwoman, you just need one. Focusing on the majority is focusing on the bath water. While you throw all those men out, you’re throwing out the baby too.

So I ask: where’s your baby?

On Hari Nef

I found out about Hari Nef on Pinterest, where I have a board dedicated to my desire to find my transgender partner. Today I just saw her on Transparent, the Amazon series about an older transwoman, who makes her decision towards achieving freedom and happiness. Anyway, Hari looks fantastic on the show – remember, this is fantasy, it’s not life – and the show, this season seems (at least in the first couple episodes) to take it to another level from the stupendous start it had over a year ago.

I also caught cameos of other transgender notables. You think Hari is pretty? I do. But talking about how beautiful some transgender women are is not what this post is about, nor is this website or any other property of Transamorous Network dot com.

What this is bout the state of the nation…the transnation as I see it. Hari is just one more of a list of notable figures bound to emerge on society’s main stage as transpeople make their way to the mainstream. Meanwhile, many transgender women are living their ordinary lives far from stardom, experiencing their own lives, lives far from the fantasy we see in the media. There are plenty people talking about the challenges of being trans. I don’t lean that direction as I believe there is a divine plan in place which every transperson and transamorous person participates.

What is this “plan”?

There is a shift taking place right before our eyes. While Hari is at one end, there is a lagging, yet no less powerful other end emerging. That end is the rise of guys who aren’t going to shirk from their love of transwomen. The number of guys “out” about it is still miniscule. But that’s going to change. In the meantime, transwomen are going to find, more and more, refreshing changes in their environment as people like you, assuming you’re a transamorous male, begin to accept the natural part of you that you’ve been hiding or running from or avoiding.

Maybe this post will do the trick. Maybe it will be the videos on the way, or the Man’s Guide to Finding Your Transgender Partner (due out in a few weeks). Or something I haven’t even begun to create. But the state of the (trans)nation needs you man. It needs you, not your partial self you are being when you hide from your social circle this dramatically important part of who you are.

Hari Neff is hot. But you’re hotter. Because unlike Hari, your romantic attraction to transgender women can turn the life of a transgender woman on its head.


Photo credit: Hari Nef (Instagram)

Why I really like Transparent

Screen Shot 2016-02-09 at 15.50.53 PM
The cast of Amazon’s Transparent

It’s because the transwomen on there seem real, albeit in concentrated form. Unlike the L word and other shows intending to showcase LGBTQ and other minority communities, transwomen in Transparent aren’t super hot, gorgeous, waifs superfeminized and successful. They are trying to make their lives work for them against many odds while doing the best with what they have as far as their bodies and brains take them.

Even the cis-characters are tapestries of the human condition. Sometimes extremely so. In fact, Transparent is a kind of amplified version of reality – like all fantasy that is TV. It concentrates problems characters face to concentrate drama thereby enhancing viewership. It’s engaging if you don’t take it too seriously.

As a transamorous male, I enjoy seeing a more accurate portrayals of transwomen to the degree Transparent can portray them. It is fantasy though. It will never accurately portray what every single transperson’s experience is no more than the Huxtables on The Cosby Show could for all blacks. The trans spectrum, like the human one, is broad. Which means there are many successful transwomen working in the everyday work world, doing things ordinary people do, living relatively invisible lives. To watch this show then believe you know something about a transperson may be a fair assumption, but a dangerous one. Still, it’s a good start if you’re just getting your feet wet.

I don’t love transparent because of it’s accurate portrayal of transpeople. I love it because it’s good entertainment about a subject I care deeply about.

This is the Transamorous Network

Blog 2 photoWelcome to the Transamorous Network. I’m Perry Gruber your host. Yes, that’s my real name. I have nothing to hide. I am a transamorous male. I was born cis-gender and find myself irresistibly attracted to transwomen.

Welcome especially if you’re a guy reading this. This network is primarily for you, however, I guarantee transpeople are going to find this network uplifting, enjoyable and informative too. I’ll be posting stuff here for you as well.

Guys, I know there are a shit-ton of men like us out there secretly discovering their natural attraction to transgender women. I created transamorousnetwork.com specifically to shake the shame off the NATURAL, NORMAL  attraction to these new people, people who really could use our genuine love.

I write “new” not because transgender people are new. They actually have been around a very long time. But as far as public consciousness is concerned, the mainstream, including entertainment, dinner conversation and the legislative arena, they are emerging as a “new” “protected” class. I think that’s a fantastic development happening exactly at the right time.

I also believe YOU discovering your natural attraction to transwomen is EQUALLY new and NO LESS FANTASTIC. Men like us are slowly coming out more and more. I created the Trans Amorous Network for men like us to connect, communicate, gain reassurance about our natural inclination, and support the people we love by loving and accepting ourselves so we can turn that love toward those we desire romantically.

The Trans Amorous Network of course is also open to transwomen, transmen, gender queer and all the rest as well, as a source of inspiration and upliftment. I bring a unique perspective I will be sharing in these pages, in the podcast, in the Network’s YouTube Videos and in the products, services and events I’ll be offering our community. What I have to offer undoubtedly will serve to create more healthy, positive relationships between Cis-and-trans, primarily, but also more love within the entire human family.

This is The Transamorous Network.