Blog - The Transamorous Network

May 8, 2016March 14, 2016

How Many New Yorks are there?

FullSizeRender Ask 10 people about New York. You’re likely to get ten different answers. One person might describe Brooklyn. Another Manhattan. Another: the museums and tourist attractions. Another: the beautiful people and diversity. One person might go on about how dirty, crowded, loud, crime-ridden, expensive and appalling the city is. Another might describe how cosmopolitan, rich, luxurious, beautiful, modern, exciting and fun it is.

All these descriptions are accurate. Are there ten different New Yorks? The answer is: it depends. What does it depend on? Which story you want to believe. All these descriptions are accurate…for the person describing the city. All the descriptions have more to do with the person’s intent in experiencing the city, or living there, or working there. In other words, we experience New York through our stories, our intents, our purposes.

So it goes with our intents, our stories our purposes for relationship. What is your intent, your purpose for telling a story that “all men who are interested in transwomen are scumbags, users or objectifiers”? How about “there are no good men who are interested in me”? What is the purpose in telling the story “I can’t authentically act on my desire for a transwoman because I’ll lose my friends, my job or my current life”?

How you experience your life is totally up to you. You can change the stories you tell about your life. In doing so, you will change your life.

If you’re wanting to document the what is of your life, keep telling disempowering stories. The only cost is, you’re doomed to repeating disempowering experiences. If you want to create the “what is” of your life, deliberately, so that your life reflects what you want, instead of what you don’t want. You may want to look at your stories and why you keep telling them to yourself and to anyone else who will listen.

May 1, 2016May 1, 2016

Where’s your baby?

The infant kind. No, I’m not talking about you birthing a child. I’m talking about the baby you’re bathing.

Here: I’ll explain.

We all desire connection. One connection we most want, particularly as adults, is romantic connection. If you’re a transwoman, or a Transamorous Man, you, more than most really desire that kind of connection. As much as you may think you’re the independent sort, can do it on your own (men) or don’t need a man to validate you (women), if a transwoman (for the men) or a great guy (for transwomen) showed up today and asked you out, I highly doubt you would say no.

Both Transamorous Men and Transwomen therefore have a desire for what every person on the planet wants. So why are you having such a hard time at finding it? Probably because of your baby.

You see, when you’re complaining that there are no guys out there who will treat you right, you’re unlikely to find those that will. If you say to yourself, “there are no transwomen in my area” it’s really difficult to find one in your area. The more intensely you think these kinds of thoughts, the more opaque go your lenses. It gets to the point where there’s no way you can’t see anything but the reality consistent with your thoughts.

I talked recently with a transwoman who was a guest on our Podcast. Anyway, she had this to say about the pool of men out there who are “admirers” and how they treat transwomen:

…we are kept as secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…How they dehumanize us all while admiring us.

It’s certainly NOT “admiring” when a guy treats a transwoman this way. Not by my definition. And while speaker did acknowledge backhandedly that there are a few “admirers” who won’t treat her that way (did you catch that?), the majority is what she’s focusing on. This is what I’m talking about. Before she said this, she asked:

So are you asking for a trans-woman to go to your show and speak of rainbows and butterflies in how men date trans women?

If you’re wanting to meet a member of the minority who will treat you with dignity, then yes, I am asking not just our podcast hosts, but every transwoman who sincerely wants to have a real, lasting relationship with a great guy, focusing on “rainbows and butterflies.” Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the path to your joy and happiness, romance and a new life. You don’t have to do so if you’re a guest on our podcast, but you certainly must if you’re wanting a real-life connection.

If you’re thinking “all men” treat you a certain way, or there are “no men” out there who want you, or, that there are “no transwomen” in your area, then you’re throwing out the baby with the bath water. You don’t need “all men”. You just want one, or some number if you’re poly-oriented, or “non-hetero-mono-normative”. You don’t need every transwoman, you just need one. Focusing on the majority is focusing on the bath water. While you throw all those men out, you’re throwing out the baby too.

So I ask: where’s your baby?

April 28, 2016

Our podcast update

Thanks to everyone listening to our podcast. iTunes has just approved our podcast for the iTunes store. If you have an IOS device, you can now listen to our podcast via iTunes. We’re working on getting our podcast available on Android via GooglePlay. More on that in the future. I believe you can listen to our podcast on Android in the meantime on SoundCloud. And you don’t need to be a member of SoundCloud to do that. Let me know if you have any questions about playing our podcast. I’m happy to help.

April 27, 2016April 25, 2016

Our Podcast is freaking live

So, I’m pretty jazzed.

Yesterday The Transamorous Network Podcast went live with our first four episodes. Shannon and Remy, my co-hosts and I are super excited.

We’ll be publishing a show a week, probably on Wednesdays, starting next week. You can listen directly on SoundCloud or, in a little bit, on iTunes.

The podcast completes our first phase of growth, which includes this blog, the website and our YouTube Channel. On the podcast we’ll deepen our dives on material and content offered through our shop page, through fun, lively conversations with real people from the trans community. Everyone here at The Network is really jazzed about the podcast. Some who have been waiting for it to go live have been waiting too. A couple of people are expecting big things to come of it.

I think it, along with our other content, is going to help a lot of people. Particularly men, and by extension transwomen, then all trans people and their families.

The podcast would have been fun to do if I were doing it alone. However, it’s so much fun

having Remy Ilmatar as Co-host. Her totally take-no-bullshit-but-with a smile attitude livens an already lively conversation. That she is particularly jazzed about what The Transamorous Network offers is a big boon: as a transwoman herself, she can attest to how effective what we offer is.

Then there’s Shannon my other co-host. She brings a different, yet complimentary energy to our trio. I love seeing her, basking in all her positive energy. After reading straight through The Man’s Guide To Finding Your Transgender Partner on a flight home, she too is convinced we’re going to be changing lives with the podcast. If you have a moment,

check out what else Shannon is up to. She’s an impressive person in her own right.

So here we are, a nice threesome, wanting to make the world a better place. With our podcast now live, I have to say I think we’re off to a good start. I think you will do once you give our show a listen.

April 24, 2016March 12, 2016

Admirer? Really?

This one’s really short.

If you’re out there hanging with guys known as “admirers”, and those guys treat you as…

“…secret “discreet” hidden fetish fucks by the majority of admirers who hugged on to hetero-mono-normative relationships while getting into the desserts while no one is looking…”

Then you really should question your definition of “admirer.” Here I’ll help:

ad·mir·er (ədˈmī(ə)rər/) noun: someone who has a particular regard for someone or something

re·gard (rəˈɡärd/) noun: 1. attention to or concern for something. “the court must have regard to the principle of welfare” consideration, care, concern. 2. best wishes.

If a a person treats you like shit, they’re not an “admirer”. They’re something else. If you want to find someone who will have a particular regard for you, who will admire you, you might want to change a few stories, stories creating situations where you’re willing to put up with being treated like shit.

As though you have no other alternative (news flash: You do have other alternatives!)