Category: Transamorous men

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The Great Life Lesson Trump Offers Trans People

By The White House – Official White House Facebook page, Public Domain

TLDR: The author claims Donald Trump’s life epitomizes the power of telling positive stories about what one wants. They explain how Trump, by “telling it like he wants it” created a life of his own design. Yet, these days, the author claims, Trump is creating a reality he doesn’t want by focusing on precisely that, thereby proving a basic principle of Law of Attraction. They conclude by asserting that trans people can get a lot more of what they want by telling better stories about their lives.

This story is neither a critique nor a praise piece for the former president and 34-count felon. Instead, it’s an examination of how by “telling it the way he wants life to be” Donald Trump created a life matching his biggest desires.

Despite all his lies and machiavellian actions, for the most part, Trump has gotten what he wanted in life. I attribute that to his willingness to ignore others’ opinions. In other words, Trump achieved much of what he has over his life because he focused on stories that made him feel good. And in doing that, the Universe has given him pretty much everything he wants. Including a stint as POTUS.

It’s a great example for trans and trans-attracted people to follow.

Unfortunately, though, the moment Trump went into politics, he started shooting himself in the foot through his stories, which explains his current set of judicial predicaments. Judicial predicaments are not new for Trump. But this new batch is much more detrimental.

Let’s look at how Trump used what we talk about at The Transamorous Network to literally change the trajectory of his life for the better…then for the worse.

Focusing ONLY on what he wants

Despite many run-ins with the legal system, Trump has always told it like he wants it to be. And, when contradicted by others, or the facts, he held to his story. As a result, Trump enjoys tremendous momentum in his focus. Yes, practically speaking, many of his hustles, deals, projects, whatever you want to call them, may seem nefarious. But it’s hard to deny that the man has a way of getting what he wants. Especially when it comes to money.

Is this because he has all the right people in all the right places? Obviously not, because his nefarious acts seem to get out no matter how much “fixing” he tries to employ. But no matter; in the aggregate, Trump as an individual, enjoyed an immense winning streak, making himself known throughout the US and the world. And this was before becoming president.

The New York Times once praised Trump’s ability to shake off legal challenges. A Time Magazine article, confirmed his ability to adroitly use the legal system to get his way. He successfully delayed most of his most recent legal troubles so that he could take another stab at the White House this year. This is no fluke. He calls it like he wants it. And he gets his way. And he does that by focusing ONLY on what he wants. We can take a lesson from that.

Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago. Will Trump get away with it? We’ll see. (Photo By United States Department of Justice – Public Domain)

It’s about focus

Everyone can enjoy similar success at creating a reality matching their wildest desires. Nothing is off the table. Not even the White House, apparently. But it requires focus. And, if anything, Trump has that in spades.

By the way, nothing is ever wrong. It’s humans who create “right” and “wrong”. The Universe doesn’t see physical reality that way. Instead, it sees it as all good. That’s because every expression of physical reality contributes to the “more” that is All That Is. The more more the better.

That’s why resisting being trans or trans-attracted always feels bad. When we resist what we are, we go against All That Is, which is the origin of our experience. If we accept ourselves then live authentically, our lives go much, much better. That’s the message I pound home all the time here at The Transamorous Network.

But a lot of trans people and those who love them resist their authenticity. They do that to their detriment, which is why so many in both groups are unhappy and alone. Changing all that is easy. I write about how to do that extensively in this blog.

All That Is would get bored with everything being one way. Surprise and delight are orders of the day. So is diversity of everything. And you can bet there are things in All That Is that it delights in that humans would call “wrong” and even “immoral”. Tragedy and abhorrence, therefore, are just as valid expressions of All That Is as are the most saintly and pious acts.

So is being trans. So is being trans attracted.

Getting what you focus on

Since everything is good, this means anything you can conceive of enjoying you can enjoy as your experience. But be careful how you think about what it is you want. Because how you think about it can put the kibosh on what you’re wanting. I talk about this a lot in this blog too.

If we want love, for example, we can’t focus on not having it. That just gives us more of what we focus on: not having it. It doesn’t feel good not having what we want. And you know what? It’s supposed to feel that way, because we’re meant to have all that we want!

But when we focus on the negative feeling, or the negative stories generating those feelings, we double down on getting what we don’t want.

That explains why so many trans women are bitter and complain about “chasers”. The irony is they’re getting exactly what they want. By “what they want” I mean what they focus on. So if they really want what they really want, they’d do well to praise men they call chasers. Because such men are doing something trans women would be better off appreciating than hating.

What they’re doing is showing the trans women what they are creating. That’s super valuable. How are else are you supposed to know whether or not you’re on the way to getting what you want?

And that’s what’s plaguing Trump now too. As a result of entering politics, he’s gotten himself into a train of thought, a way of storytelling, that doesn’t serve his interests. It’s because of that that All That Is inspired people like Fani Willis, Stormy Daniels, Michael Cohen and others to come out about Trump and his….predilections.

Setting the stage for his downfall?

All That Is isn’t punishing Trump. It’s just giving him feedback. The moment Trump entered the White House, actually slightly before, Trump started focusing on things he didn’t want. He focused on staying in the White House by focusing on “not losing”. He focused a lot on his “enemies” rather than those who support him. Trump focused on “rigged” political and legal processes that he claims are out to get him. As a result, all of those things became more prominent in his experience. It’s all feedback!

The more one focuses on what they don’t want, the more of what they don’t want will show up. The more detailed and intense those things will get too. This explains why the media, known for uncovering the whole story, really began scrutinizing Trump after he won the presidential election. He attacked the press in retaliation, while at the same time currying favors from and sidling up to other media organizations such as Fox News and American Media Incorporated. It’s no wonder even more media began focusing on him in negative ways.

And that’s the other trouble with Trump’s focus since winning the White House. He aligned himself with people whose dominant focus is extremely negative. That caused his vibration to mix even more with theirs. It’s no wonder, for example, that Trump loves Putin, the North Korean dictator and other nefarious characters. It’s also no wonder he’s sidled up with far right people too. And that others like him are replicating his behavior around the world.

And it’s therefore no wonder that the media and now the courts are all over him. He’s generating feedback showing him what his focus is. But Trump doesn’t know that. So, like trans women, he keeps doubling down on his disempowering stories.

The pitfalls of focusing on “unwanted”

Yes, Trump sees people he resonates with as his supporters. But he also sees these people as vibrational equals in terms of the way they focus: mostly on themselves as victims. Trump sees himself as the ultimate victim, and thus as his fellow victims’ saviors. It’s this alignment that set the stage for what we see playing out.

Of course, there are no victims. Everyone creates their reality, including experiences that come their way. That’s a harsh thing to hear when considering certain subjects, such as being trans and subjected to all kinds of discrimination.

But there’s no way around it because the universe is recursive, meaning, every particle of it functions under the same principles. So to say trans people aren’t creating their experience would mean the principles apply to only certain situations. But the principles apply to every situation, no exceptions.

So as Trump more and more blames others for his troubles, he will get more evidence that that, in fact, is true. Why? Because life will verify any belief as true. It’s exactly the same with trans women vilifying chasers. When they do that, they make themselves matches to such men. So more of those men show up in their experience.

The fix is easy: stop vilifying these men. Instead praise them and in time better men will replace these men. The same principle works for men wanting a trans partner. We must focus on what we want. Do that and we get that. End of story.

The absolutism of focus

Another way Trump digs a hole for himself is by trying to solve his problems through action. Doing appears to be the way things happen. But if that were the case, then, again, there’d be an exception to universal principles. And these principles are UNIVERSAL. They apply across the board.

Vibration and attraction is how things happen. Points of consciousness, such as a human, focus. When they focus, they direct their vibrational energy, which then draws similar points of consciousness to that energy. In time, accumulation of energy gets strong enough to become physical experience.

Action or doing is the penultimate manifestation just prior to the full-blown fulfillment of a desire. Action is what brings the person to the point in time and space where their desire fulfills itself. But since most people don’t understand what you just read, they don’t know what’s really happening. They think their doing is making things happen. It’s not.

This explains then how when a person focuses on something they don’t want, such as the story “I’m unlovable”, their relationships will consistently give them evidence supporting that. Then the person will act in unlovable ways, thus creating circumstances in which partners leave.

It’s not the unlovable acts creating the results. It’s the story or focus that prompts or inspires unlovable acts. Focus is absolute. It is the only way things happen. Use it wisely.

A perfect example

I’m eager to see where Trump’s life trajectory takes him in the next 18 months. With another massive state lawsuit on the horizon, and several other federal ones, he’s created quite a ride for himself. And, with the election looming, it will be interesting to see how reality collapses around what he focuses on.

In the meantime, I’m eager too that all this mess has caused people to ask for more. And the Universe is delivering. So much being out of whack in the United States, especially our political climate, foretells of a great rebalancing coming. A rebalancing that could create a future far better than the present we currently have. A rebalancing that could be very good for transgender people and those who love them.

Make no mistake though. Some people thrive no matter how bad it gets. Those are the people whose focus is consistently on what they want, not what they don’t want. Millions of others, meanwhile, may suffer no matter how good it gets for the opposite reason: focusing on what they don’t want.

Yes, it would be nice for all those suffering to not have to suffer. But since the Universe responds to individual vibration, we can’t do much to alleviate others’ suffering. Even if we fix all the problems, some people would still suffer.

You and I don’t need to suffer though. Trump is giving us a great example of how to do it right…and not so right.

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Why The Spectacular Baby Reindeer Turns People Into Stalkers

TLDR: The author suggests the reason why Netflix’s popular show Baby Reindeer is so compelling has to do with the creator’s trans attraction. They then assert that every transgender person and trans-attracted person possesses similar abilities to capture the attention of the world. If only they live their lives authentically, the way Baby Reindeer’s creator eventually did.

Netflix recently added a limited series that’s about as addictive as meth. Thank goodness it’s only seven episodes. In those seven episodes though, Baby Reindeer pulls back the shades on a topic that is a pariah, in some ways, to the transgender community: trans-attraction.

While doing so, the show is so freaking compelling, it’s hard not to watch all seven episodes straight through. That’s what a client did when I recommended it. “Fascinating” was all he could text after coming up for air.

In this installment of posts about this spectacular new Netflix show, I want to look more into the “fascinating” nature of Baby Reindeer. This time, though, from the perspective of why it’s become such a sensation. I’m going to examine this from the perspective of the practice I take clients through. This post will make sense with a little background on what that practice entails.

A sensation born of spiritual truth

In short, it’s a spiritual approach to making one’s dreams come true. In The Transamorous Network, however, the focus is a little more, uh, focused. We help trans community members make their relationship dreams come true. Through Positively Focused, my other practice specialty, I use the same content to assist cis people in realizing their dreams.

Positively Focused clients tend to be very successful people who’ve realized their material success isn’t all there is to life. Many have traded their happiness for material success. That’s never satisfying in the long run.

My trans and trans-attracted clients aren’t happy either. And while they, too, eventually get to focusing on their bigger life dreams, they usually start by wanting happier love lives.

The cool thing about the practice is, not only do clients find love and happiness, but they also realize powerful spiritual accuracies; about life, about themselves and the world around them.

These accuracies explain why people find Baby Reindeer so fascinating. According to many sources, the show is a hit. Why would that be? For sure it’s well-produced, scripted and acted. But there must be more to it, because a lot of not-so-successful shows are well made.

For one, I think it’s because the Netflix series is a true story. Its creator Richard Gadd is trans-attracted. Baby Reindeer features a main character based on Gadd’s experience with a woman stalker, a male rapist, his cis-trans relationship and Gadd’s intense self-hatred which drove all of this.

But there’s more to the show than this. I think it’s this more that is making the show the sensation it is.

Baby Reindeer is live on Netflix. Watch it. (Screenshot from Instagram)

The power of transgender and trans-attracted people

I’ve written in this blog many, many times about the power of transgender and trans-attracted people. I write about how such people come into the world with world-changing intentions. Their intentions are part of who and what they are. And their unique perspectives are born of those intentions.

But if such people don’t fully embrace who they are, their lives reflect that. They know inside themselves that they have something powerful to share. That powerful thing is literally embodied in all that they are. If such people don’t live authentically, however, then they experience a kind of crisis. When such people try finding relief outside themselves, nearly always, that seeking amplifies the crisis.

Should they embrace all they are and express that however, they create world-changing results. Richard Gadd, the creator of Baby Reindeer is one of these people. Richard Gadd is trans-attracted.

In penning Baby Reindeer, Gadd fully embraced what he was. Expressing that, he galvanized the world around his story. That’s why this show is so sensational and turns people into binge zombies.

Wait there’s more

But there’s more than that happening. For at the same time people like Gadd speak their truth, there’s a literal massive audience waiting to hear the message. That’s what we’re seeing in the response to Baby Reindeer.

Think about it. Transgender people for decades have been asking for someone to create a show like this. A show that offers a respectful, powerful story that can “normalize” trans attraction. Trans-attracted men have been wanting that too. They may not be aware of it, but as they tell their stories of self-loathing, they create future realities wherein that self-loathing is soothed. All that energy, from both trans and trans-attracted people, doesn’t just shoot out and then go nowhere. No, it becomes stronger and stronger.

Contributing to that increasing energy are people resisting people who are transgender and trans-attracted. That’s right, those who are passing anti-transgender bills, promoting trans hate and more…all these people are contributing to the energy that will eventually result in normalization. But if the trans community resists what they see with their eyes, if they focus on all the hate, they prolong the unfolding of what’s becoming stronger and stronger.

But even that’s not a problem because their resistance, like those resisting the trans community, adds more strength to the energy trans and trans-attracted people got started. So when that energy does burst on the scene, the results are galvanizing.

That’s what we’re seeing with Baby Reindeer.

Gadd is what you’ve asked for trans women

Gadd refined his story over the years in one-man stage performances. Though he may not be able to vocalize it, I can assure you his coming to embracing all that he is, then sharing that with the world, is exactly what he came into the world to do.

And look at the results! You can bet Baby Reindeer is changing minds about a lot of things. Trans-attraction being the top of the list. Gadd’s trans attraction isn’t the center piece, which makes the show’s message about trans attraction so much more powerful. Instead, it acts under the main subject, subtly getting into the hearts and heads of those watching the show. Gadd beautifully ties in other sexual taboos, particularly pedophilia happening in the Catholic Church. In this way, his artistic statement covers so many bases, it reaches everyone who watches it.

That’s why people can’t turn away from the show. It’s just too compelling.

Finding your personal power

I assure you every trans woman and every trans-attracted guy is in the world for similar purposes. They may not all create films or stage plays, but every individual in this community enjoys the potential Gadd has expressed in the world.

If only more transgender women and trans-attracted men realized this. Imagine how much better the world would be! Instead, many such people live their lives in shame, self-loathing, or in attitudes where they believe they are victims, even though no one is ever a victim.

Gadd’s example is an example for the entire trans community. Each of us is powerful. We have the power to significantly influence the world. But if we’re living small, if we’re curmudgeon in our focus, always looking at the negatives in the world, we rob ourselves of the success, the joy and the influence we came to have.

I suggest transgender people and those who love them take the lesson Gadd’s example offers. There’s no risk in living authentically. And there’s everything to gain.

It’s worth letting Baby Reindeer turn you into a stalker. You might just find your voice, then your power.

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The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

TLDR: A Netflix Limited Series sheds light on the sexually divergent nature of trans attraction and celebrates the main character as he embraces his authenticity. The author suggests the Netflix series manifests from push back against trans people seen in parts of the world and they suggest those who see the world similarly help create an even more supportive world for trans people.

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer).

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way.

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

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Transgender Women Wanted A Movie On This: They Got One

Netflix’s Baby Reindeer

TLDR: The author offers the Netflix Limited Series Baby Reindeer as the answer to many transgender women’s call for a movie about trans-attracted men. The movie details many characteristics trans-attracted men share, including intense self-hatred, which the author claims creates the very experiences trans-attracted men struggle through. They then encourage all trans-attracted men and trans women to see the movie.

A big complaint about trans-attracted men has been that they’re too chicken shit to come out and own their trans-attraction. Some celebrities have come out acknowledging their attraction to trans women, or have been outed by others. And, at least several trans-attracted men I know are out loud about their orientation. One wrote a book about his attraction. Another has a book in the works.

Still, the trans community generally has expressed dismay that trans-attracted men remain scared to out themselves. Trans women say if more did, society would accept transgender women more. Some trans women even express interest in someone making a movie about the subject.

Years ago, The Crying Game was that movie. It was pretty good as far as it went.

But Richard Gadd’s Baby Reindeer, which debuted on Netflix last month, took the genre to a whole freaking other level. Trans women got their wish, again.

Let’s take a look at what I think is a tour de force in LGBTQ cinema for many, many, many reasons. Over the next few posts, I’m going to weigh in on this magnificent limited series from multiple angles.

Spoil alerts!

Talking about the show without giving away spoilers would be really tough. In this post, I’ll do my best to avoid spoiling the really good parts. I can’t promise I’ll do so in the next posts. You should go watch it, therefore.

Baby Reindeer features a main character named Donny. He’s a bartender and aspiring comedian. One day a woman comes into the bar. But this is no joke. Donny immediately perceives she’s having a hard time. That woman turns out to be a major stalker who ends up stalking Donny for years. Donny’s relationship with this woman seems like the main plot.

But another one overwhelms the stalker story in my opinion. That one, we discover, is Donny’s trans attraction, how he discovered it and what happens as he tries to overcome his MASSIVE, INTENSE and world-shaping shame and self-loathing.

Baby Reindeer: Number one on Netflix (Photo from Instagram).

It’s a true story

What’s really good about this is Baby Reindeer is a true story. It’s also HIGHLY fictionalized. Still, Gadd, the creator, did a great job fleshing out all the characters, making them believable, nuanced and many-layered. No villains exist here, which is good because villains and victims both are fictions. Everyone creates their reality.

The reason I love that Baby Reindeer is true is that it offers deep insight into the lives of trans-attracted men. Now, not all men who are attracted to trans women are like the guy depicted in the series. Still, of the dozens of men I’ve spoken to or worked with, some things do ring true, things portrayed in the main character’s personality.

At least 60 percent of the men I’ve spoken to or worked with have divergent sexual experiences. Not all of them were “abused”. But many experimented with avant-garde sexual practices. This includes experimenting with male siblings at a young age (which is more common than I thought), fantasizing about sexual acts with their mothers, or even being curious about acts with animals.

At least two of my trans-attracted clients experienced suicidal ideation borne of extreme self-loathing. At a key moment in the series, Donny says he goes through everything he experiences because of his intense self hatred. I’ll revisit the power of self-directed hatred later. It’s important.

The point here isn’t that trans-attracted men are weird or sick. It’s that they came here with a curiosity around a subject most people find so taboo, their beliefs on the subject are intense and likely to trigger harsh judgements. They also cause extreme conservatism towards sex, even though some of those same people who harbor taboo perspectives on these curiosities act out the curiosities themselves. I know this because they often get caught.

Self-loathing common among many

There’s a lot of harsh judgement in Baby Reindeer. Donny does the worst of it, which causes his life trajectory to careen into darkness.

Avid readers of this blog who watch the show will notice that Donny acknowledges as the cause of all the shit that goes down, his extremely intense self-hatred. Again, in one revealing and powerful scene, he admits loving his self-hatred more than anything else, including other people, including himself.

That’s a powerful acknowledgment.

Many trans-attracted men share this powerful hatred. It may not be as intense as it is portrayed in Donny’s life. After all, the story is highly fictionalized. But it’s still there in many trans-attracted men and still intense. That intense emotion always attracts circumstances matching the vibration underneath hatred. And many people have self hatred going on in them. Especially transgender women.

So when watching the show it should be no surprise to anyone that Donny experiences all that he does: failure in his relationship with a cis woman; failure in his dreams to become a comedian; rape at the hands of a male predator; a crazy stalker, and, generally, a fucked up life. It’s all fascinating to watch, painful at times, but so spot on about how the Universe works.

Self-loathing is what makes people “victims”. Remember, there aren’t any victims because people draw to them through their beliefs experiences they live through. “Victims” are vibrational matches to “perpetrators”. Together, they perform a dance, a dance that can destroy and even end in death.

Lives created through self-loathing

Such experiences attempt to alert the person to what’s going on in them. No one can create an experience outside their persistent beliefs. That’s why we encourage clients to clean up their beliefs. Doing so can dramatically improve one’s life experience. Especially in love.

But if a person holds beliefs like Donny does, that person’s experience will look much like the character’s life. The experiences will start as much less intense. Ignored though, and they will increase in intensity. The person will then feel unsatisfied or “unlucky”. In that dissatisfaction, they’ll complain about their life. They’ll see only the worst happening. And in that focus, they’ll invite even more unfortunate experiences.

This often plays out in comments to this blog. I’ll offer absolutely overwhelming evidence the majority of people support trans people, for example, and nearly every commenter will double down on their focus. A focus on things proving their beliefs that the world is against them is “true”. Even though ample evidence shows it’s not.

What those people don’t understand is, that focus is exactly why they experience these experiences. And no one need experience them! Except those who are matches to those experiences.

Getting what they wanted

Baby Reindeer is an amazing movie about trans attraction. And I haven’t even mentioned the spectacular performance delivered by the beautiful transgender actress Nava Mau. I recommend every trans woman watch Baby Reindeer. Every trans-attracted man should too. Maybe those men will see themselves in the Donny character and do something that will help them change their own life experiences.

There’s so much more I can write about this spectacular series. And I’m going to do so in the next post. In the meantime, go watch it. It’s on Netflix.

If you have seen it, share your perspective. What did you think? One client who watched it, watched all seven episodes in one night. Afterwards he could only text me one word: Fascinating.

Transgender women have been asking for a movie like this for a long time. Well, they got one.

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What Happens When My Advice Inspires A Man To Write A Book!

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

TL/DR The writer shares an inspiring encounter with a man who left his marriage to live authentically and appreciate trans women. Encouraged by the writer’s message, the man is now writing a book about his experience. The writer believes such men are making a difference and urges trans women to focus on the positive, giving up negativity and anger.

I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with a guy this morning. He’s writing a book about his trans-attraction-to-transamory journey. His is a wonderful story of leaving his marriage in favor of living authentically. Living authentically meant enjoying a nice relationship with a trans woman. A relationship he’s currently in.

He said the main reason he began his journey was because of my post “How to embrace your trans-attraction and be married”. I feel appreciation that one of my passions is changing the lives of trans-attracted men (and, by extension, trans women) for the better.

As a result of sharing my passion, this guy now feels his passion too. His passion and appreciation for trans women he feels no shame about. Because of that, this guy, Brian, is now writing a book about his experience. A book I’m sure will help make the world a better place for trans women. I feel honored I played a part in that.

Men are doing their part

I always knew living my passion would change the world. I’m excited about Brian’s choice. He’s going to change the world too.

Many trans women complain that if men would step up, the world for trans women would improve. They talk about all the men on the DL. Men living in the shadows, shamefully hiding their trans-attraction. Meanwhile, I’ve been out for at least five years proudly, publicly sharing my transamory experience. Another man wrote a book about this trans attraction some time ago. Many men are out on social media proclaiming aloud their attraction. And now, here’s another man doing his part by writing yet another book.

In other words, the men are doing their part.

The initial exchange between Brian and I.

Not enough men, you say? There are enough though. Not all of them are writing books. Not all of them are writing blogs or sharing on social media. Some are just dating trans women. Many are doing their parts by becoming comfortable in their own skin. That’s the process. In everyone contributes in their own way.

However, if trans women keep complaining about their complaints, they can’t see the world getting better. They can’t see the men doing their part either. And yet the men are.

Get over the anger and pessimism

And that’s the rub. Life is nothing but a series of moments. And each moment adds to the next. Which is why, if you’re complaining about something, your in-the-now complaint adds to the next moment, creating an experience of more to complain about. Especially in love.

I suggest trans women focus on all the things going right in the world. I talk about them all day long in this blog. Trans-attracted men should do the same. Do that and both parties will find themselves meeting positive, high-quality potential mates. People who see the world getting better. People eager to enjoy life with someone who is positive.

Which is why I work with people. People experience a lot of things in life encouraging pessimism. That’s because pessimism sells. A lot of people make a lot of money keeping you angry, in other words. Meanwhile, a lot of other angry people are looking for people like you. And so you meet such people in your life.

Give up negative judgement. Give up being angry too. When you do, you’ll find yourself getting more of what you want. And less of what you don’t. While you’re learning to do that, I can help.