Category: Transwomen

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The PROCESS called trans attraction

tranny chaserThe term “tranny chaser” is often thrown at men who are attracted to transgender women. Usually by the very women the men are attracted to. We talk a lot about stories here at The Transamorous Network. A story is a thought a person repeats to themselves until it becomes a belief. Beliefs are stories a person repeatedly thinks until it becomes “unconscious” – it becomes so familiar to the person, they don’t have to think about thinking about it. It just is.

When a story becomes a belief, it is very powerful. Long before that point, such stories are attracting to themselves physical phenomena – events, people, circumstances – which match the story’s content. Of course, there is evidence disproving, or not matching, the story. But the storyteller cannot see that evidence. The predominantly only see matching evidence. The more the person repeats the story, the more difficult it is to see contrary evidence. That’s why, for example, some transwomen claim they will “never” find a guy, while pointing to the mound of her failed relationships. So long as she continues to believe that story, she continues to have that life experience.

At some point a story, particularly a negative one, has so much momentum behind it, it becomes automatic or knee-jerk. For example, a woman who happens to be trans can have an experience with a guy who definitely is NOT a “tranny chaser” observe some behavior that “triggers” her “tranny chaser” story and, in no time, that story becomes active in her mind. When that happens, the guy becomes a chaser. Even if he really isn’t one.

There are, of course, plenty of transgender women who do not have such stories. So guys, you’re in luck! For those women who do have such stories, there’s little you can do to defend yourself against them. Other than, of course, changing your stories about transgender women so you don’t encounter them.

What’s fascinating about transgender women who do have this story, or any other which demeans the men naturally attracted to them, is the state of hypocrisy involved. This wonderful Medium story by Julia Serano, which I’ll refer to several times in future posts, characterizes the state of being “transgender” as a process. Serano brilliantly describes how a person who is “cis-gender” could at any time become “trans” as soon as that person decides to coincide their appearance with an already existing or emergent internal identity:

…in discussions about trans identities and trajectories, [the words “transgender” and cis-gender”] often give the false impression that “cis” and “trans” are immutable and mutually exclusive categories, when in fact they are not.

For example, there are many people out there who (at this particular moment) would describe themselves as cisgender or cissexual, but who in the future will identify as transgender or transsexual. And (in the case of those who detransition) some people who self-identify as trans today may not in the future.

In fact, when discussing matters of identity and gender transition, people are by default presumed to be “cis” until they say or do something (e.g., voice a trans identity, express gender non-conforming behavior) to denote otherwise. This point is crucial, and I shall be returning to it shortly.

Furthermore, there is no test (medical, psychological, or otherwise) to determine whether or not a person is “really trans.” The terms transgender and transsexual are experiential — individuals have an internal experience of gender that they can either try to repress, or outwardly express via being gender non-conforming, or transitioning to their identified gender, respectively.

The same can be said for a man who exhibits “tranny chaser” behavior. As I said above, first, just because a guy speaks or acts in a way that looks like “chaser” behavior, doesn’t make him a chaser. And even if he consistently behaves that way and therefore may be accurately called such a person, that doesn’t mean he will remain that way. To the degree the observer continues to refer to that person as a “chaser”, it is impossible to see evidence in his behavior that is not  “chaser”-like.

Got it?

Why am I defending men who “tranny chase”? If you think I am, then you’re missing the point.

The point is, your stories determine the reality you experience. That includes how people behave in your life experience. Giving grace to others (men, transwomen….anyone) is a overt act of countering stories which create realities we prefer not to have.

And in giving that grace, not only do you free others to be human BE-ings, which is decidedly a process rather than some fixed state, you free yourself from a limited life experience where only those things you dislike are your reality.

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DOD weighs in on Trump’s trans-ban-tweet

dodlogoIn a word, I’d say the interim policy is “reasonable”

So last week, Defense Secretary James Mattis came out with a four-point “interim guidance” on how Trump’s transgender “ban” would be implemented. In my opinion, as a nine year military veteran, the guidance strikes a balance between what the president decreed and honoring our service members who happen to be trans.

The guidance’s four points begin with a direct statement from the defense department, which speaks volumes about how defense department considers and respects transgender service members. This is straight from the policy, quoted word-for-word:

“First and foremost, we will continue to treat every service member with dignity and respect,”

It then lists the four points:

  1. Accessions: The procedures dated April 28, 2010, which generally prohibit the accession of transgender individuals into the military services remain in effect, because existing or history of gender dysphoria — a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life — or gender transition does not meet medical standards subject to the normal waiver process.
  2. Medical care and treatment: Service members who receive a gender dysphoria diagnosis from a military medical provider will be given treatment for the diagnosed medical condition. As directed by the memorandum, no new sex reassignment surgical procedures for military personnel will be permitted after March 22, 2018, except as necessary to protect the health of an individual who has already begun a course of treatment to reassign his or her gender.
  3. In-service transition for transgender service members: The policies and procedures in DoDI I300.28 dated July 1, 2016, remain in effect until the defense secretary puts into effect DoD’s final guidance.
  4. Separation and retention of transgender service members: Service members who have completed their gender transition process, and whose gender marker has been changed in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System will continue to serve in their preferred gender while the interim guidance is in effect.

Now, I’ve learned, and heard it said, that a policy is a good one if both sides leave the negotiations table unhappy. This means both sides had to “give” in order to reach a compromise. It should be noted that these four points are a perfect example of that.

For one, it offers a reasonable rationale for not allowing transgender people suffering from “gender dysphoria” to enter into the service. There are of course, gradations of what gender dysphoria looks like or how it is experienced. I do understand many markers of gender dysphoria are exacerbated by an intolerant society. In many cases, a person suffering from gender dysphoria is not in a condition to whether battlefield conditions or the stress of being in the military. The same is true for other mental issues, including depression or schizophrenia example.

There are policies in place in the DOD to screen out people suffering from all kinds of  conditions. These policies are not an indictment of individuals. The DOD is not saying a schizophrenic, or a person without a high school diploma for that matter, is a bad person, for example, or morally unworthy, so he can’t serve. I think the same would be the case for a transgender person.

This would be a great test of this new policy —-> if a person already has had their GCS and can show he or she or they do not suffer from gender dysphoria, can they then serve? It seems, according to this interim policy, that there will be room for these kinds of people to serve with no problem. It is a critical distinction that will have to be tested in real life.

For example, a potential recruit who is transgender would have to test whether what I’m saying here would work. I think it might.

I’ve written the DOD the question. Here’s what I wrote:

I have a question about the interim guidance on transgender people in the military. I’ve read the interim guidance news release. I’m a former Marine (9 years 1st MarDiv).

So let’s say a transgender person shows up at the recruiting station. They already have had their surgeries and possess a medical document attesting a clean bill of health vis-a-vis “gender dysphoria.” All other factors being equal, can that person join the service of their choosing presuming they are otherwise qualified?

I’m eager to see how they respond.

The second guideline relates to all this. It seems a bit contradictory when the military will gladly, for example, pay for someone to go to college. Such an expense is high in many

384px-James_Mattis_official_photo
Defense Secretary James Mattis

cases.

Service members who become higher-educated are better service members. Can’t the same thing be said for providing GCS surgeries? I think they are comparable in price. And it could be argued that both not having a higher education and requiring GCS are pre-existing conditions. But I can also see the other argument here.

The good news of the second guidance point is the DOD isn’t cutting off current service members who are in the midst of transition. Such military personnel have until 2018, and, if the procedure is needed for life-threatening reasons, it can still be performed after that.

I’ll skip point three because it preserves the status quo.

Which brings me to point four. The interim guidance allows existing trans service members to continue to serve – for now – once they have “completed” their transition. I know, “transition” lasts a lifetime. But in the world of policy making, more distinct definitions must be drawn to come to agreement.

Intrestingly, the guidance also allows existing qualified transgender service members to reenlist if they desire. That’s a plus.

Then there’s this:

As directed by the memorandum, no action may be taken to involuntarily separate or discharge an otherwise qualified service member solely on the basis of a gender dysphoria diagnosis or transgender status. Transgender service members are subject to the same standards as any other service member of the same gender: They may be separated or discharged under existing bases and processes, but not on the basis of a gender dysphoria diagnosis or transgender status.

This is the coolest part of the directive. It prohibits any current service member being involuntarily discharged from the military because of their status. I think that’s great. It’s nod to honoring those currently serving.

You can read the press release here.

I’m eager to hear what you think. I’m not suggesting my view is the right one. It is one though that comes from seeing the positive side. If you do respond, please be prepared to elaborate on your statements. I prefer a dialogue, not drive-byes.

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Life’s gonna suck under Trump. Or is it?

donald-trump
What’s happening here?

I know. Pretty much everyone in the LGBT community hates Trump. Except maybe Caitlyn Jenner. While the rest of us worry about the terrible things his administration is going to do to the transgender community, let’s look at some of the real-world things happening that are making being transgender in America better.

BTW, we at The Transamorous Network are no fans of Trump or any other president. We can do far better without a president. Or a government. But that’s another story. Let’s instead look at some of the great things happening, many of which are because Trump is in office.

  • More than twenty 20 transgender people are now running for various government seats. These people are running for everything from city mayor to US Congress.
  • Gov. Christie, a republican, recently signed several pieces of legislation protecting transgender rights, insuring, among other things, that New York doesn’t go the way of Texas.
  • Speaking of Texas, the Bathroom Bill debate wages on, this time with many small businesses joining in to oppose the Texas Governor’s plans to “protect women and children”. Many Fortune 500 companies already have threatened Texas with economic hardship by refusing to do business with the state. California recently banned the use of state money to travel or do business in Texas.
  • The CEO of the state’s board of tourism recently ran the numbers:

“The bathroom bill debate has already cost the state $66 million in convention business. The state could lose more than $1 billion in additional convention business should Texas lawmakers pass the bill. San Antonio hotels have lost 43,623 booked hotel room-nights from convention groups that canceled because of the bathroom bill debate. San Antonio has already lost three conventions valued at $3.1 million because of the debate. Another 15 convention groups have threatened to cancel their events should a bathroom bill become law, taking with them $41 million in local spending.”

  • Newsweek recently reported that the Trump Administration’s Attorney General Jeff Sessions ordered his prosecutors to review the case files on murders of transgender people to make sure there’s not a serial killer or hate group carrying out the attacks, he said in a speech Thursday morning. He also said he told his prosecutors to work with the FBI and U.S. attorney offices around the country to figure out how they can help local law enforcement investigating the murders. “We have and will continue to enforce hate crime laws aggressively and appropriately where transgendered individuals are victims,” the attorney general said.

The point isn’t to say people aren’t scared and worried about themselves or people they know. As we always say here at The Transamorous Network, the future is uncertain, but the probability of the future happening that you focus on increases the more you focus on it. Read that sentence again. It’s important.

And that’s why here at The Transamorous Network we strive to get you to focus on positive outcomes about the future and positive aspects about what is. For the future is borne of your thoughts.

So think positive ones.

 

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Transgender: suffering is optional

Tolle**Trigger concepts in this post. If you’re easily triggered about certain transgender topics, you might want to read this post first.**

If you’re a transgender woman and you’re suffering some situation, or a transamorous man living a life of shame, lying to loved ones, including yourself, about who you are, it may be hard to hear that your suffering is optional.

As soon as you become aware of your origins and your choices, your options become literally infinite, including the option of bidding adieu to suffering.

How can that be?

It all lies in how we got here, why you’re transgender. Why I’m transamorous.

Here’s how science describes how cis people become cis:

“Embryos start to become male or female at about six to eight weeks. At that time, those with an active gene called SRY, most often found on the Y chromosome, starts to produce the male sex hormone, testosterone. Without the flood of the hormone, embryos remain female. With testosterone, masculinisation begins. It is the fork in the road that shapes a person’s anatomy and physiology, and potentially their behaviour.”

Notice that science presupposes no “existence condition” prior to the embryonic state. Science usually leaves that condition to religion or spirituality. Pity. Because that’s where things get really interesting.

(All of the following can be verified by you with a little focus and effort.)

There has to be (and there is) an existence condition prior to being formed as an embryo. Random chance of you being transgender or transamorous doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. It seems much more logical, from where I’m standing, that we set up the conditions which are our physical life, including how that embryo forms into who we ultimately, biologically, become. And we do this in this existence condition which precedes embryonic formation.

This doesn’t have to negate our freedom-to-choose if we freely choose our circumstances, prior to living them. I mean, isn’t that logical?

If in that existence condition before birth, we were free to set up whatever life circumstances we want, then it makes sense we also have freedom once we get here, bounded only by the circumstances we have set up, doesn’t it? And wouldn’t that freedom include being free of suffering?

By now your stories may be kicking into high gear. If you’re anti-judeo-christian, for example, you might have two story constellations, tightly related: Those stories making up “judeo-christian belief” – the Bible, what your parents told you, what church told you –  and all those stories you’ve made up about “belief” or “faith” that perhaps has you no longer believing in those religious stories.

I’m not saying the judeo-christian stories are right. An atheist or agnostic could be equally resisting what I’m writing here. Stories are stories. They are living things and defend themselves. Are your stories rising up right now to defend their territory (your life view)?

Can suffering be optional?

What I am saying is, you are more free than you think. Even if you are in a situation that seems so bleak, you couldn’t possibly have wanted to experience it, you can find yourself in a far better place, and from there, you can change those circumstances. For good.

Next time, I offer reasons why you might have wanted to come into the world as transgender and why I wanted to come into the world transamorous.

 

 

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Where does transgender come from?

Born this way but whyLet’s presume you’re a transperson, trans attracted person or a sympathizer or ‘ally’. Why on earth would you willingly choose to be born as something seen by the mainstream as such an affront that the chances of you being killed (in the case of a trans person) or at least ridiculed (in the other cases)?

Lady Gaga says we are all “born this way.”  Ok, but why?

Why were so many people born black in the slavery days, jews during the holocaust, or residents of Hiroshima or Nagasaki on those fateful days in WWII? How about the people born to live in Syria or Iraq? Why would someone be “born this way” only to become a murder victim?

Is it all random?

Really?

I don’t think so. And I don’t think science is going to be much help.

Science admittedly doesn’t know the answer to the question “where does transgender come from?” Hell, they’re still trying to figure out how “boys” and “girls” happen. And so long as it denies existence of a condition requiring no-time and no-space, I don’t think it’s gonna find it.

I believe “transgender” comes from the same place “transamorous” comes from: That no-time and no-space state we all come from. Religion calls this state “heaven”. I have had a long-running beef with this concept, but now I can see why religion calls it that (in various permutations). It is, indeed, a state of pure positivity, where all things are known and possible and All Things are eternal. But it’s not a white robes and harps kind of place.

How do I know? I’ll get to that.

Words come with so much baggage, it’s challenging to talk about our origins.  “Heaven” comes with so much baggage, it makes understanding where transgender and transamorous originate a sticky topic. Especially when, supposedly, the “boss” in heaven, according to some people, abhors what transpeople are.

So I prefer a less-loaded phrase such as “Infinite Intelligence”, “All That Is”, or “Source” to describe our origins. These words tend to come with less past meaning.

What if there were very good reasons for why people come into the world and face such seeming horrendous experiences. What if there were very good reasons why you came into the world as transgender or transamorous? That’s what I’m going to explore over the next series of short, pithy posts.

 

Stay tuned.