Empathy doesn’t serve you. Or your friend. (Photo by Sydney Sims)
Empathy is never your friend. Not if you’re wanting to have your dream life, including a loving relationship with your dream partner.
Society heralds being empathetic as something positive. Empathy, we are told, is the ability to feel and understand the feelings of another. Sounds harmless enough. It may even be beneficial to our friends and loved ones to be empathetic. Especially when they’re feeling sad.
But is it really?
When you’re feeling what another is feeling, you’re giving control of your life to another person. If that person is feeling negative, now both of you are inviting more experiences of the kind that had your friend feel negative emotion in the first place. That’s not helpful. For either of you.
Why?
Because all that you want, including another person feeling better, is only available to you when you are in a happy place, appreciating all that life is giving you and enjoying the process of your own becoming. When you focus on another person’s negative condition, and because of that, you match their negative feeling experience, you are closing yourself off from your ability to receive what you’re wanting. That’s why you feel bad when you do that.
Your friend feels better, yes. That’s because he or she has cut herself off from his or her power by focusing on the negative aspects of a situation. So when you join them in that perspective, of course they’re going to feel better. You’re the only friend they have at that moment. They’re using you to fill the void they created by cutting themselves off from their higher self. So now you both are cut off and the only company you have is each other, both of whom are powerless.
It’s far better to relate to your friend from your only place of power: your connection with yourself. You know you’re connected with yourself when you feel good. Period. When you hold your own happiness firmly in the face of your friend who is struggling, you have a better chance of lifting them to where you are. And feeling happy is always better-feeling than any negative emotion.
If you want to have empathy, then empathize with your friends positive perspectives, even if they’re absent right now. Remind them how great they are, how great life is, how this immediate situation that has them feeling negative is temporary. This is the best medicine. For everyone.
No matter who you are, your Inner Being will guide you to everything you want. The key is calming your mind and then training yourself to know the difference between your random thoughts and your Inner Being. It takes a while to train your everyday mind to soothe, but it is so worth it.
To give up having to struggle to get the love you want
To give up thinking the world is a random place where people randomly get what they want, but mostly get what they don’t want
To give up thinking you are somehow unworthy of love
To give up feeling alone
To give up feeling that everything and everyone is against you somehow
There are so many more of these kinds of thoughts you naturally let go of once you connect with your Inner Being. Why? Because when you do, you discover through that most important relationship, that you are blessed, you are loved and you are receiving all that you’re wanting because you create your reality.
We’re demonstrating it in our own lives as are our clients. Now, it’s time for you to demonstrate it in your own life. Our examples, our words can go only so far in convincing you. At some point you have to test what we offer. And let your Inner Being and your life experience offer you the evidence you need….to believe.
This has always been the case – always – that science ends up confirming what we intuitively know. People who believe religiously in science often point to early civilizations as examples where science has helped humanity. These people point to these early civilizations’ beliefs that the world was flat, or that the sun went about the Earth as examples of these “backwards” beliefs.
But what these people don’t recognize is the process by which these civilizations came to that distorted understanding. For before those erroneous conclusions, civilizations had massive and complete understanding of the universe’s workings. Interestingly, at the same time, some civilizations which held these distorted beliefs, also had fantastic grasp on things like astronomy, and other topics that could be classified among the natural sciences.
But I digress.
Interestingly, those who most stridently deny “trans-ness” tend to point to “science” and it’s “facts” to support their denial.
Well, in the last few months, science is confirming what members of the transgender community – including trans attracted men who have come to grips with their trans attraction – have known for some time: That transgender people are NOT simply choosing to be trans.
This first study, shared in our IN YOUR FACE (see the video above) show back in March, reveals that transgender women’s brain structure features characteristics distinctly different from both male brains and female brains. From the Online News site Medical Daily:
[R]esearchers from the Medical School of the University of São Paulo, Brazil, decided to investigate this by recruiting 80 participants between the ages of 18 and 49 years. They were categorized into four groups of 20 members each: cisgender women, cisgender men, transgender women who had never used hormones, and transgender women who had used hormones for at least a year. MRI scans were then used to look for differences in gray and white matter volume of the brains.
It was revealed that both groups of transgender women had variations in the volume of the insula in both hemispheres. The insula is a region of the brain that reads the physiological state of the body, thus being responsible for body image and self-awareness.
“It would be simplistic to make a direct link with transgender, but the detection of a difference in the insula is relevant since trans people have many issues relating to their perception of their own body because they don’t identify with the sex assigned at birth,” said Professor Geraldo Busatto, a researcher in the study. In addition to the internal struggle, he adds a reminder that transgender individuals may end up suffering discrimination and persecution.
Several medical news sites picked up the study. We’re eager to see the study repeated in the US, but for now, the tide of medical research and other scientific approaches to confirming or understanding “reality”. In the meantime, we’re happy to see science beginning to get it right.
The cross-section in image “a” shows the left-hemisphere insula, which has a reduced volume in transgender women who have never taken hormones compared with the volume in cisgender women; the same can be seen in the right-hemisphere insula (R). Image “b” shows the reduced volume of the left insula in hormone-treated women compared with cisgender women, and again, the same can be seen in the right insula ®. (Source: https://www.biosciencetechnology.com/news/2018/03/brain-structure-transgender-people-investigated-study_
We here at The Transamorous Network have a broader perspective on transgender people, a perspective agreed with by most indigenous/aboriginal cultures. That is that trans people are a separate type of human being. Separate from “male” and “female”. This separate type represents an “exalted” state of human consciousness, one worthy of respect and honor. It’s no surprise that these indigenous/aboriginal cultures not only honored transgender people, but they also revered them for their closer station to the divine.
We know that will likely piss some readers off. We wonder if those who resist our perspective have swallowed the gender binary indoctrination trope, causing them to want to be seen as “male” (for trans men) or “female” (for trans women), when, in fact, they are neither. But in their “neither” they are something “better”.
The future is surfacing more evidence that those who resist the “transgender phenomena” are pushing against the very future from which the evidence comes. That has historically proven to be a losing proposition. That means, transgender acceptance is a done deal. Everything points to that outcome, including the strenuous arguments of those whose worldview is threatened by transgender people and people who are attracted to them.
Men (and transwomen). You’re wanting a relationship. Essentially that means you’re wanting love. Do you know what you mean when you talk about “love”?
It’s an important question. Love comes in all kinds of shapes and colors. And definitions. Knowing what “love” is like for you can help you determine if you’re getting what you’re wanting, or what you’re not wanting.
For example, for a long time my “love story” told me that love included fighting, disagreements, coldness, periods of sexual expression, and a smattering of peace. As a result of this “love story”, guess what my relationships looked like?
That’s right, each relationship was incendiary, unstable, and fraught with drama. The sex was good…for a while. But the drama always overwhelmed good sex.
Later I learned a new love story. I learned that love and relationships were a forge designed to toughen and transform hearts into strong independent/interdependent entities capable of “standing on one’s own feet” instead of relying on the love and adoration of another. From that “training” one could love another unconditionally. This story I learned from a book called The Passionate Marriage.
Unfortunately that story created relationships that were more learning laboratories than nurturing really loving ones. Learning 24/7 is not necessarily a fun thing to do. Especially with your intimate partner.
Today my love story is more akin to real “unconditional” love. It says I have the capacity to love everyone because everyone (including myself) is love. More importantly, the most meaningful love for me, and the least capricious love, comes from within. Not from another person.
That kind of love leaves me free to be. More importantly, it allows my partner to be whoever she is too. It allows me to not be affected by the love or the lack of love I get or don’t get from another person. Which leaves me happy and less susceptible to bouts of dramas, disagreements and misunderstandings. These things still happen sometimes, but I’m far less rocked by them. As a result, my relationship is more calm, peaceful and more joyful, mainly because I don’t look in my relationship to find calmness, peace and joy. Instead, I look within, where calmness, peace and joy is available 24/7.
Your love story is creating your reality in relationships. What is your love story? And is it causing you to look for love in all the wrong places?
A few transwomen (and, admittedly, a couple trans attracted men) read our material or check out our videos, then claim that we advocate the “silly” idea that if you just think happy thoughts, you’ll have a better life. Or if you meditate you’ll “get everything you want”.
We don’t say that.
Well, we do, but that’s a kind of shorthand describing a much more detailed process through which you already are, right now, creating the reality you’re experiencing. What we do advocate is a process which involves examining the stories you tell about your world, your “reality”. Then, after examining those stories, we advocate using a deliberate, conscious process that leads to new stories. These new stories are part of a larger process we describe more deeply in our material, a process that does actually get you everything you’re wanting: more money, that lover you want, that fulfilling and enjoyable work you wish you had, a safe place to live…whatever.
But we can’t go through the entire process in every one of our shows. That would be too repetitive and b-o-r-i-n-g.
Instead, we use a shorthand. That’s why we harp on “telling positive stories”.
Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash
Here’s a summary of the process. Again, it’s not as simple as this, that’s why it’s called a summary. Following this process will, guaranteed, produce a life where you have everything you’re wanting. No exceptions.
Let’s say you’re wanting to become a doctor. You create your reality. So to create the reality in which you are a doctor, here are the steps we recommend (and stand behind as guaranteed to work):
You must realize you are creating the realty you experience. For many, this is the most difficult step.
You must realize the creative momentum you have created up to this point. This momentum is creatively expressed as the life you currently have, warts and all. That creative momentum is strong and going against it, while possible, is going to take a while, just as it took a while to get where you’re at. So….
You must then start changing the stories (beliefs) you have about the reality you currently have. The primary story needing changing is that you think the world just “happens to you” out of some random, uncontrollable set of criteria such as your race, location, politics etc (see step one). Another primary story might be that you think things can not ever change. That story sounds like this: “Life sucks”, “Men are always…”, “Transwomen are always treated…” “Transwomen are all….”…
You must understand the nature of “momentum” (what it is and how it works) and begin creating momentum in the direction of where you’re wanting to go ( in our example, becoming a doctor).
Then you must begin telling stories about why you want to become a doctor, stories that create certain emotional responses within you. This emotional response is your first indicator that you have begun changing your reality. Meditation is certainly part of the process because, for most people, the mind is unruly and seemingly random in its thinking. It must be reined in to serve the deliberate creative process instead of creating willy-nilly or seemingly randomly.
Point five is a major milestone, known as the “Be” of the “Be, Do, Have” process resulting in becoming a doctor.
You must then continue telling such stories and having these certain emotional responses while training yourself to become sensitive to your inner being’s guidance through quieting your mental activity (meditation). As you become more sensitive, you will begin noticing you are receiving impulses to think certain thoughts and take certain actions. One, thought, for example might be “what is required to become a doctor?” You might then be inspired to go to the library or get on the internet and start researching. This is the “do” part of the process. You are being guided by your inner being to have thoughts (stories) and actions (manifested reality) that accord with “doing” what doctors do.
Over time, supposing you are consistent in the seven steps above, you MUST wind up in the “have” part of the “Be, Do, Have” process where you have, in actuality, your actual, real life, become a doctor.
That’s it. There is nothing magical to the process. It is not about daydreaming or telling yourself untrue stories. There’s a lot more to it than these eight steps because one must get clear on an accurate nature of “reality” and where it comes from for this process to really work, but that’s essentially it.
And it works.
Every time.
It is even working for you right now, although in a probably indirect, in-deliberate way. For many people, that’s why they have a life that is less than fulfilling. It’s not because of fate, or the circumstances, being born in the wrong place or even being trans or transattracted. It’s simply because people aren’t deliberately creating the life they can have. So they get the one they got.
That’s why we say everyone can have the life they want. It begins with telling positive stories. When are you going to get started?
