Category: Self improvement

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How A Transgender Woman Learned To Love Her Dick

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Editors Note: This is a story by Kari Lassauniere, a transgender woman I have the distinct pleasure of knowing. I’m sharing it because the story offers a perspective that can be of great value to transgender women. I’ve edited it just slightly.

How did I get to accept the penis as a feminine body part? Or more importantly: how did I get to accept MY penis as part of MY feminine body?

This will be an article where we are going to talk about genitals. Sex stuff is going to come up. Colloquial and medical terms for specific genitals are going to be used.

I would, however, ask that you keep in mind I am trans femme. I write for myself and about trans women. But first, a little recap on what we are supposed to think about when it comes to trans genitals and why thinking that way is junk. Not that junk though. 🤣

The current narrative surrounding transgender women accepting themselves and then coming out runs something like this: As a child the trans person just knew they were trans. As a small child they intrinsically knew what being trans meant and that they needed to transition to survive.

This will manifest as a feeling of being “Born in the wrong body”. They will consequently have an awful childhood, no matter how supportive their parents are. They will come out publicly at some point and embrace all the überfemme stereotypes. At some point they will start hormone replacement therapy. They will absolutely hate their genitals and they will at some point have bottom surgery, specifically a vaginoplasty.

This is wrong. It’s all completely wrong and we need to tear it up and toss it out.

A different take

I am not saying trans people don’t need to transition, or that surgery may not be necessary. I am not even saying that embracing whatever expression of femininity that has resonance within you is wrong, even when that expression is looking like a barbie and dressing age inappropriately.

What I am saying is wrong, is the cis-heteronormative lens trans people and transition are viewed from. As long as you view yourself and your identity through this lens, you cannot accept yourself nor your transition in its entirety. With this conception of trans people and transition, genital surgeries are mandatory.

Through the lens of cis-heteronormativity the cis body, and state of being, is considered normal and desirable. Being transgender, on the other hand, is an abnormal and undesirable state. The state of being trans, in a cis-heteronormative society, is to be a faulty product sent back for repair. This is because through this lens “woman” actually describes “cis-woman”.

Dave Chapelle refers to a neovagina as “impossible pussy” in reference to the “Impossible Burger”. It’s not real meat, he says. It’s as near as can be without slaughtering a cow, but it’s still not beef.

Dave Chappell (left) with Jon Stewart performing at Royal Albert Hall in 2018 By Raph_PH

Listening to many trans women speak about their neovaginas, they use words like “it looks like a real vagina” or “it’s indistinguishable from a cis vagina”. I use the examples of Dave Chapelle, a virulent transphobe, and trans women because it highlights the near universality of this view of trans people. Both transphobes and trans people accept this paradigm. We, as trans people, buy this narrative just as readily as cisgender people.

However, a vagina is just one part of a woman and this view extrapolates beyond mere genitals. Cis-women are seen as the real McCoy and trans women as the near perfect imitation, if the transes have the snippity-snip-snip that is. This ideology, the idea that cis is normal and trans abnormal, starts at birth and pervades every inch of trans and cis lives. Worse yet it harms both cis and trans people.

An inconvenient mandate

When a child is born, a few things happen. The newborn gets weighed, measured and gendered. This is the first interaction the child will have with the prescriptive system dictating their existence from there on out. Gender is an understanding of oneself and as such, looking at a baby’s junk, before that baby has the mental capacity to understand the self, then declaring the baby’s gender as known – by the presence of a penis or vagina – is incorrect.

The best a doctor can actually do is assess the child’s genitals and make a relatively safe assumption as to what gender the child is, but at birth no one can be sure. By recording a known gender on a birth certificate and saying “Congratulations! It’s a Boy!!” a child is made either cisgender or transgender. You cannot be transgender if you have no gender to be incongruent with.

This is where the fault lies, this is where trans people learn to hate themselves. Within minutes of our birth we are labelled, categorised, documented, and our disorder cemented. In that instant we go from being a child full of potential, to a tragic story that needs surgery to – at best – be a very good facsimile of the real deal.

We also need to ask exactly what is a cis gender boy or girl? What exactly are we imposing on cis kids? Maybe they don’t feel the intense dysphoria a trans child feels, but by imposing a gender on that child, are we not stifling their understanding of themselves and their potential? Are we not putting the newborn into a limiting box?

In that moment, your genital configuration at birth becomes a predictor of your entire life story. If your gender happens to coincide with what society accepts as the genitals appropriate for your gender, you are cis. If, however, your genitals do not coincide with the socially “normal”, you are transgender and you are now abnormal.

A psychologist describing the “abnormal” state many transgender women fall into, which feels like self-loathing.

Coming to love her dick

So we get back to my earlier statement of genital surgery being mandatory in a cis-heteronormative society. When you accept cis as normal and trans as abnormal, you also accept prescribed remedies to bring the transgender body into normalcy.

Unfortunately, in this environment, your new genitals will always be “Impossible Pussy” and never a “Real vagina”.

You will be forever trapped in the wrong body.

Once again we need to ask the question: How did Queer Kari learn to stop worrying and love her dick? It’s a profound question. Strangely it had nothing to do with my penis. In fact it was completely unintentional.

I was born and assigned male at birth. Growing up I had the distinct understanding that there was an incongruity with my understanding of myself, and the identity imposed on me. I didn’t want to play with Barbie and I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the colour pink. I simply understood that I was not what the world understood me to be.

Later at Kindergarten, our class was divided into boys and girls for activities. And this is where the incongruence came a little more into focus. There I understood that I was seen as a boy. Unfortunately I neither had the vocabulary or understanding of myself to adequately express to either my parents and teachers that I was, in fact, some form of girl.

It was only much later when I had pried myself from the iron embrace of my parents expectations, society’s prejudices and religion’s clasp, that I was able to admit to myself that I was not male. When I did come out, when I did fully grasp what I was and was able to resolve the incongruence, my first stop was to start the process toward vaginoplasty.

We don’t understand gender

Before I got there though, I made a stop at hormone replacement therapy and feminism. Somewhere in the process of growing boobs, and a steady diet of Contrapoints, feminism and losing my male privilege, I realised something: Much like male privilege, cis privilege is a thing.

Cis Privilege is the idea that cis is the norm, the default and trans is not merely another state of being, but an abnormal one. This privileges cis people over trans people and creates a social inequality that cannot be opted out of. I cannot choose to be cis as a black person cannot choose to be white, as Matt Walsh cannot choose to not be an idiot.

This is what is completely wrong. And this is what must be torn up and thrown out.

When we remove the idea that trans is an opposite to cis, we accept that it is, in fact, just another possible state of being. Neither wrong nor right, merely being. From this position, the words “transgender” and “transition” can be understood to be constructed incorrectly.

If you understand trans as a “normal” state, then the word transgender shifts from meaning “someone whose gender is incongruent with their biology” to “someone whose genitals at birth are a variant differing from the mean“. We move to a position where we must accept that some women have a dick. Similarly when we look at the process we have labelled “transition”, we must ask: what exactly are we transitioning to and from?

Finding herself

When we accept the imposition that a gender is incorrect and that gender is an understanding of the self, it follows, then, that someone like me may never have been identified as a male. If I had a say in it, I would have ticked the F or NB box. And if this is an understanding of myself, exactly what gender am I “transitioning” from and too?

That is to say, no one is cis or trans, they merely are.

I didn’t accept my penis and learn to love it, I learnt that we as humans simply don’t understand gender. I simply choose to refuse to accept cis privilege. I am not “impossible”.

I am.

My penis was never a male penis. My body was never a male body. To me transition is a flawed term describing treatment for a hormonal problem that was causing me depression.

I am not transgender. I am Kari.

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I Violated The Rules. What Happened Next Was Great.

Editor’s note: The Transamorous Network publishes across several platforms. Medium.com is one of those. This story describes what happened when Medium’s lawyers contacted us about last week’s post.

When I noticed the email from their lawyers, a lump formed in my throat. Only for a second though. That’s because I know what I know: I create my reality. So what was about to happen was going to be more of what’s come before: really good stuff.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I write posts for The Transamorous Network to inspire transgender women and trans-attracted men towards getting what they want. In doing that, I’m doing my part to bring both communities together. They’re really one community. But because both sides vilify one another, they look like two communities. They’re not, however.

Most posts tell how my clients’ lives become happier after practicing what I offer. Their lives become happier when clients learn how stories create reality. Then they learn how to use that knowledge to deliberately create lives in which everything they want happens.

But I sometimes share about my life. For me, life is a living laboratory. I want to see how good life can get. If we all create our reality, I dare to create something never seen before. So I’m pushing this practice to its extremes. I practice what I preach, in other words.

As a result, some posts I write share what’s happening with me. That’s what I shared in a recent post. A post I’ve since deleted.

I deleted it after engaging with Medium.com’s lawyers. They didn’t tell me to delete it. I deleted it on my own.

But again, I’m getting ahead of myself.

My evidence gets me in trouble

Last week I posted a story about a transgender woman who was outing trans-attracted men around the country. She would date them briefly. Then she’d send letters to family members or wives outing the men. I didn’t know who this woman was. I wanted to know her, though.

So I set my intention to discover her. The post described how that happened. It happened in this incredible way. One I couldn’t have planned, because it involved people I didn’t even know.

Previous posts about this unfolding warned men to look out for her and avoid her. There’s a vigilante out there, I told my trans-attracted readers. So when my intention fulfilled itself, by bringing me her identity, I saw it as my role to help men avoid getting into trouble. I therefore included the woman’s first name. I also included pictures of her.

While the story was still published, I received positive reactions. One comment on Medium.com caught my attention though. A transgender woman wrote disapprovingly about me including the woman’s picture.

Now, again, I practice what I share with my clients extensively in my own life. One area I’ve intended deliberately is connecting with people who appreciate what I share. Especially people who are respectful and kind. So it didn’t surprise me, nor did I miss how gentle and kind this trans woman expressed her disapproval. She was firm, but she made a request that I remove the perpetrator’s picture and thanked me in advance. She would check back, she said, and if the picture remained, she would report the post to Medium.com for violating their terms.

Here’s her comment:

The kind, but firm comment I appreciated.

Calling the moderation police

I replied to the trans woman with equal gentleness. Here’s what I wrote:

I think this surprised the commenter. She replied with another really kind comment. It included more detail for why she wrote her first comment. Her rationale made a lot of sense. Much of it I agreed with. Here’s what she wrote:

And, in full transparency, here’s how I responded. We see the world very similarly. Yet, there’s a fair distinction too. Neither is right or wrong.

My message to the moderators got a relatively immediate reply. It said they hadn’t read the post yet, but would. Based on my initial inquiry, they asked if I owned rights to the photos. I did not.

I prepared to remove the photos because of the rights claim. But I also wanted to hear what they thought after reading the post. With all this attention on it, I forgot what the post really was about. It wasn’t about targeting this transgender woman. Instead, it mainly described how my intention delightfully fulfilled itself. And how I resolved the mystery with no effort on my part.

That’s something I promise awaits anyone who learns what I offer: The ability to manifest anything they want with no effort. Including fantastic love lives.

A perspective-transforming email

The next morning, I got an email from “legal@medium.com”. It wasn’t at all what I expected. Instead of saying whether the post violated their terms, it was an appeal employing the Socratic Method. It caught me by surprise. I’ll append a screen shot of the response at the end of this story, followed by their very kind followup.

The email went straight to the matter. It felt like a better version of me was talking to myself. The writer after laying out their perspective asked a question. Upon reading their argument, all I could do is agree: I may or may not have violated the terms. But that wasn’t the point. The question was, do I align with Medium.com’s goal?

Medium.com’s awesome about statement.

Of course I do align with it. But what happened next was transformative.

I felt two powerful emotions after reading their appeal. One was embarrassment. The other: shame. I knew everything the appeal offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?

I’ll answer that in a bit.

Meanwhile, something remarkable happened. Because of what I practice, I knew what “embarrassment” and “shame” were telling me. In that split-second I felt those emotions, I used them to discover really disempowering stories. Stories I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about had this not happened.

In other words, the emotions were good. Not because I should be embarrassed and ashamed. But because they offered tremendous transformation.

The goodness in “bad” situations

My Broader Perspective knew this was a transformative opportunity. One that would benefit me hugely going forward. But stories active in me said “You did something wrong.” “You’re a bad person.”, “You’re a hypocrite.”

Everything happening in life offers extreme value. I wanted to write, just now, “everything happening in life is good“. But the word “good”, for us humans, fouls up our minds. That’s because our concept of “good” is highly restricted.

So “value” is a better word. Everything happening holds great value.

But, humans are free to create any interpretation they want about what’s happening. Interpreting what’s happening as anything other than valuable, however, creates realities matching that “off” interpretation.

This explains why it’s very hard, if not impossible, to find a lover if we believe one doesn’t exist. Or if we believe the target of our affection will never want us. Or if we don’t believe we’re good enough to have that love. Our beliefs are the place from which our reality springs.

Life works that way so we can “true” up our stories/beliefs/interpretations so they match what’s really happening. In doing that, we align ourselves with our unfolding desires. Our life then fills with what we want. It does that with no effort on our part. So when life “goes wrong” or seems “bad”, it’s good. Life is showing us something important so we can do something about it.

The gifts begin rolling in

What you just read comprises the foundation for The Transamorous Network practice. Clients and I take a journey towards getting all we want, effortlessly. It is possible. But that experience requires removing many, many beliefs we have. Many we have created ourselves, but many others we’ve adopted from the world around us. Including other people.

Shame and embarrassment pointed to beliefs of the latter variety. For me, they got started in childhood, with parents, teachers and others doing what they thought was “educating” me. Later, workplace “performance reviews” perpetuated such beliefs. Friendships and lovers perpetuated them too. Registering lovers’ and friends’ disapproval in me often amplified similar beliefs.

But I’m not that child who needed education. I never was. Nor was I what supervisors, past friends or lovers saw. Instead, I’m an eternal, wise, rambunctious being. An eternal being that enjoys total freedom as part of All That Is. An eternal being on a glorious adventure of life in physical reality!

I no longer need to hold onto those bogus stories! But I can’t release them unless I know they’re there. This whole experience showed me where they were!

For ALL it’s worth

That was the first gift of this whole encounter: Recognition and acknowledgment. From there, I saw the transgender woman who commented, and the Medium.com legal team member, were helping me realize something important. They showed me the dominant self-image I hold.

Both people were kind and respectful, loving even. The legal team member, especially, communicated in a way I deeply appreciated. But both reflect back to me my own inner self-concept (a story). One that says “I want to be someone who is decent, loving and kind to all people.”

I hadn’t been a loving person with the perpetrator, I thought. But then I realized the next major benefit this experience offered. It offered the opportunity to serve her in the way the legal person and the commenter served me.

Understanding how this unfolded requires acknowledging the complexity inherent in life experience. But it’s so good to tell. It’s good to tell because it shows how we all are one. We’re all helping one another expand into more of the decent, loving, eternal beings we all are.

Remember the question I posed earlier?

I knew everything the legal team member offered. Why didn’t that knowledge keep me from posting those photos?

The following section answers that question.

One of many benefits

We’re all connected. We’re also all moving through the exact same process: We’re expanding into the fuller nature of who/what we are. Each of us exist in unique “locations” on this expansionary process. But we all help one another as we help ourselves.

Abraham calls this “helping” aspect of life “cooperative components.” In other words, people act as cooperative components to others’ individual expansion. They reflect back to us what we need to expand. Life experience generally does this too. It’s the major “purpose” of life experience. It doesn’t matter that we often are oblivious to these cooperative components. They’re helping anyway.

So Úmi, the woman I “outed” in the deleted post, is undergoing her expansion, as am I. As are you. Úmi has experienced a lot of troubling and traumatic situations. Especially at the hands of men. Of course, she’s creating those. She creates them through stories she tells. As she tells them, she creates situations which reflect those stories back to her.

Úmi, then, is creating experiences with men which reflect her own inner conflicts about her life, who she believes she is and a host of other subjects. Attacking men, their wives and families is a lashing out at that reality. The reality is there to have her see what’s happening inside her, though. She doesn’t know this, of course, so she blames her situation for how she feels. Meeting The Transamorous Network and using it as a tool caused me to rendezvous with her and her stories. I became, therefore, a cooperative component of her expansion.

So me including her photos in the story was a reflection of what she was doing to these men: outing them to loved ones. My act served as a cooperative component to Úmi’s personal expansion.

Multi-layered beneficial expansion

In a crude sense, she got a taste of her own medicine. Me exposing her the way I did served her. But it also served me in the way I described throughout this post, with cooperative components simultaneously showing beliefs in me I must release. I must release them to move forward in my process. In the same way, Úmi must release stories holding her back. Or face increasingly intense experiences until she eventually does release them.

Nothing goes wrong in life. It all serves, moving all of us into greater levels of appreciation and love, especially self-love. Along the way, if we’re aware, we can deliberately shape the process. And in shaping it, we can experience joyful, fulfilling lives. Lives, again, where desires fulfill themselves with little effort on our parts.

So this entire experience was one of profound movement through stories I had. Stories whose time was up. Stories I was ready to release. The experince was totally consistent with many other experiences happening these days.

Looking back, I appreciate everything that happened. Especially the trans woman who commented on the story. I even appreciate Úmi, the woman who terrorized those men, their wives and families.

I equally appreciate the Medium legal team member, who, at the end suggested I could repost the story and just leave out the part that targets the woman.

Good idea. I think I’ll do that.

Now, as promised, here’s Medium’s response email, followed by my and their replies.

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Why People Are Born Transgender And Trans-Attracted

Why are we born transgender and trans-attracted? Why are we born at all? What’s the purpose? Why would someone want the struggle and shame? Why would we choose being so different?

Ordinary people ask similar questions. But transgender and trans-attracted people might especially want to know. Being trans or trans-attracted can bring many struggles. Struggles piled on top of struggles everyone else faces. It seems someone’s playing a cruel joke.

What gives?

Unfortunately, most people never find satisfactory answers. Life’s dramas overwhelm them. Living in modern society does too. After all, a woman’s gotta eat. A guy needs shelter. Both need healthcare.

But knowing the answers liberates anyone who has them. Because knowing the answers is a super power. With it, getting what we need happens so much easier. Transamorous Network Clients gradually discover this. Especially when it comes to finding love.

Knowing why is powerful

But transgender and trans-attracted people don’t need a mentor to enjoy lives that work. Plenty of transgender people live lives of influence. Lives full of personal and professional satisfaction. Lives filled with love and belonging.

But even those people will eventually face the ultimate test: death. How one handles that experience determines what happens next. So even someone with a happy life can enjoy benefits coming from knowing why we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted. The answer greatly enriches even the happiest life.

Besides, we don’t really know how happy a person is. Outward appearances don’t always equate to inner happiness. That explains why so may seemingly successful, happy people kill themselves. But the answer can prevent suicide too. That’s how powerful the answer is.

This is trans activist, owner of the Miss Universe pageant and the third richest transgender person in the world, Anne Jakrajutatip. Lots of trans people are successful and influential. But we can’t know if they’re really happy or not. (Photo By POPPORY FASHION BLOG, CC BY 3.0)

In fact, knowing the answer is like a magic spell. One that actually works though. Taking time to know the answer, then, can transform lives. It’s a wonder so many don’t take the time to get it.

So what is it? What’s the answer? Why do we come into the world as trans and trans-attracted? Hang on to your hat, sweet pea. The answer is deep.

We are that which we call God

We come here, because the very act of coming is literally expanding the Universe. Our arrival literally is All That Is focusing itself into becoming more of all that is. I know, I’m using the word “literally” often in this paragraph. But it literally cannot be stated anymore clearly than this. Our individual human experience is the process by which All That Is becomes more. It’s not just the process though. Our human experience, our consciousness, is Universe.

So Universal expansion occurs through our experience. So what?

Well, imagine a god. It’s eternal, all-knowing. It experiences itself as constantly expanding. But it wants more. So it continues expanding into its own expansion. And the more it expands, the more it creates to expand into. “New” then, becomes that which occupies it most. Because “new” represents more expansion. So the more “new” it can experience, the more it becomes.

Transgender isn’t new. Neither is trans-attraction. But our specific experience of it is. And so you and me coming in to the world now represents “new”. A new perspective. A new experience.

Well, let’s get back to that god.

It has always been. It has seen everything that comes to be, unfold in ways that keep things being. Everything becomes better as it becomes more. Everything works out. So how do you think that god would feel about all that?

That’s right! It would be eager about it. It would be joyful in its creations. Especially any new instance of experience.

Well, we, as a transgender and trans-attracted humans represent that new experience. What’s more, that hypothetical god introduced above is us, having this human experience. We’re the eternal being pleased beyond measure with our expansion.

Here’s the benefit of knowing

When we perceive our life on Earth the way we perceive it from our “godly” realm, then we enjoy all that we are the same way that hypothetical god does: with eagerness. There’s great benefit in doing that.

Because when we do, we let go of stories (beliefs) creating experiences we don’t want. How do you think the world around us happens? It happens through our collective focus. It literally happens “through” us.

When we realize we are that which creates the world around us, we have tremendous leverage of the entire Universe at our disposal. Leverage we can use consciously, deliberately to create lives we love. No matter what that looks like.

But it takes a while to learn how to harness that leverage. It takes a while to unlearn how we look at and interpret the world. It also takes a while to learn to see it the way I’m describing. That’s why a mentor can be helpful. My clients get it. Like Penelope here, who is transgender:

Learning to see life in its original cast offers TREMENDOUS opportunity. This is why my clients rave about being clients!

A delicious, satisfying life

The best version of life is being an instance of the god we are, adding to expansion, and being consciously aware that’s what we’re doing. We literally are that sacred, glorious, act of creation. Realizing this, life becomes absolutely amazing and delicious, as my clients and I can attest.

Even the word “delicious“ cannot adequately convey how absolutely satisfying life gets. Yes, transgender and trans-attracted lives included. The experience I’m describing becomes intoxicating. It becomes wonderful beyond words. As it does, everything we want happens too, as it should. After all, if we are gods, and we are, what is beyond our abilities?

That’s right! Nothing.

And so what would you create? If you knew you are creator, what would you create? This is what my clients and I are about: creating and living lives full of things we love. And everything else we want too, all coming to us effortlessly. Because we are the creators of our lives.

It starts with learning to satisfy our desires. Satisfied desires become the basis of the life that’s possible. Eventually, though, our intentions expand to include bolder creations. Creations leading to truly extraordinary experiences.

The no-limits life

The charmed life in its fullest is the experience described above. The absolutely satisfying, conscious awareness of every particle of expansion we create as god. That creation moving out from our consciousness, becoming the world around us. A world defined and created by our deliberate intent. Physical reality bending to our will, literally.

It’s in that full experience where one begins really exploring how far they can take things. Only our imagination limits us.

So physical life experience as a transgender or trans-attracted person contributes to All That Is. Remember, we each are All That Is. So our life is a contribution to ourselves. The trick is realizing this as a knowing, not mere intellectual understanding. When that happens, the power of the Universe lines up behind us.

Then everything becomes possible. No limits. Fulfillment of every desire. I think everyone would want that, whether they’re trans, trans-attracted or not. Why so few are open to discovering this is a wonder, for sure.

My own experience proves the extremely gratifying nature of expanding awareness. I’m seeing things people think impossible becoming my reality. It’s gradual, and that’s for good reasons. I want to savor every moment of expansion. If it all happened at once it would be totally overwhelming!

Expansion is a given, but awareness is optional

Our collective participation in All That Is’ expansion is a given. The only question is: are we consciously participating in it or not? Rewards from consciously doing so are enormous. My clients are well on the way to realizing this, as am I. I’d love to include you too. The more the merrier!

So why are we born? What’s the purpose? Why would I choose being so different? Why did you?

Answering these questions is so worth it. Receiving the answers literally gives us everything we want. Including things we didn’t realize we wanted. Things far more satisfying than a lover, a great career, a new car or other material thing.

Transgender and trans-attracted people come into this world with a truly divine intent. Expansion is the fundamental nature of All That Is. It is our fundamental nature. Conscious realization of that has no peer in terms of satisfaction, delight, or joy.

Experience it directly. Contact me. Let’s get started.

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[VIDEO] When The Famous Slay Trans And Trans-Attracted Truth

Photo by Michael Carruth on Unsplash

Viola Davis is a diva. Her performances across a host of movies and television dramas make her one of the most under appreciated actresses of our time.

Which is why she shocked me on an episode of Hot Ones I recently came across. It was not because she appeared on the show. It was because of what she said at the end. What she said added more authority to what we assert at The Transamorous Network.

In case you, like me, didn’t know, Hot Ones is a YouTube phenomena. The show features the typical celebrity interview format, but with a twist. During the interview, celebrities feast on some of the hottest chicken wings in the world. That makes Hot Ones interviews internet sensations. Most celebrities can’t keep to their PR scripts when their lips and assholes are burning off. I write “most” because Davis bucked that trend.

While watching Davis devour her wings, I noticed a common refrain in the comment section. Little did I know this foretold of a delightful outcome for me. A lot comments made mention of something Davis said at the end of the interview. Rather than jump to the end, I watched the whole thing. It was inspiring, of course. Obviously, others thought so too:

Above: Commenters raving about what Davis said at the end.

Clarity begets success

What’s interesting is what she did share applies specifically to transgender people and the trans-attracted. She lays it out with such grace and power, making it hard to ignore. Perhaps that’s why so many were touched by it.

And this is the thing. Davis’ success isn’t attributable to talent alone. Primarily, like all success, Davis enjoys her’s as a result of knowing who she really is. Then living from that place. Watching the interview, it’s clear she lives authentically, which I deeply appreciate. It’s the exact same lesson I’m learning through my own practice of what we share here at The Transamorous Network. And, Davis’ example can be a powerful one for transgender women and trans-attracted men.

What she says at the end of the interview though is pure gold. In a few sentences, she sums up exactly what we assert at The Transamorous Network. So, dear reader, if you’re having trouble accepting what we talk about here, maybe you’ll take it from this diva. Here it is, direct from her mouth. We set the video up to start right where she begins sharing her wisdom.

Davis the diva laying down truth.

Clarity is a powerful thing. When a person understands what they really are, they can create anything they want in life. That includes fame as an actress. But first, one must let go of our penchant to compromise who we are in favor of others’ expectations. She calls that “becoming our ideal selves”.

Listen close trans and trans-attracted readers

We agree. And perhaps that’s why her closing statement impacted so many people in the comments. It applies DIRECTLY to transgender and trans-attracted people: “We are born into a world where we don’t fit in,” She says. “Then you answer the call to adventure.” There is a “deep voice” within us, she says. It tells us EXACTLY who we are. “You just have to have the courage to [be] that.”

I love the power and intensity with which she says all this. It’s definitely worth listening to many times. Some commenters agreed:

We say every week exactly what Davis is saying here. We don’t use the word “courage” however. That implies risk and threat. But there is no risk or threat in living authentically. It’s all upside.

I encourage all my clients to live that way. And guess what? As they do, they discover exactly what you just read. That’s because life IS all upside when lived authentically.

Maybe you’re ready to do that, but don’t know where to start. Of course, I can help. Contact me and let’s get started.

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[VIDEO] Trans And Trans Attracted Self Loathing Is Rampant.

My love for transgender women has me sharing this video. Hat tip to “Queer Kari” on medium for posting it on her Facebook page. Kari is worth a follow. She’s brilliant AF.

A major reason transgender women revile trans-attracted men comes from what the gender psychologist in the video is saying. Mind you, she specializes in working with the transgender community. So if you need bona-fides, she has them. And based on the video’s comment section, she’s onto something.

Of course, we know all this at The Transamorous Network. Beliefs create reality. And if a person’s life feels full of negative experiences, a state of unworthiness, depression, self-directed anger or lack of self-acceptance exists underneath creating all that. No exceptions.

This psychologist puts her finger on self-loathing’s origins. She doesn’t go far enough though. That’s because her profession doesn’t know anything about nonphysical reality. It won’t acknowledge how life in nonphysical shapes life in physical reality. Still, her explanation clearly resonates. Again, just look at who comments on the video. And what they say.

Why am I sharing this?

I’m sharing this for a couple reasons. The most important being the following. If a transgender woman isn’t aware of her own self-loathing, she will, unbeknownst to her, attract men who reflect that self-distaste right back to her. The same goes for trans-attracted men. So knowing and accepting one’s self-loathing is a critical part of getting over it.

The other reason I’m sharing this is because I care deeply about both trans-attracted men and transgender women. That’s why I share what I know. I want both parties to find love and personal happiness. Clearly, I’m doing something right:

A transgender client texting me after her session. Something about my approach must be working because I get these responses all the time.

Now, the doctor here recommends a solution. She says do things that show we love ourselves. Buy ourselves flowers, for example, she says. The problem with that approach is action will not soothe belief. Only giving attention to new beliefs will soothe existing ones. I show my clients how to do this.

Here’s what happens when a person tries eliminating strong belief with countervailing action. The action AMPLIFIES the current strong belief. That’s because action doesn’t go “deep” enough to affect desired changes. Instead, it just causes the belief to push back.

Try convincing anyone to disbelieve something they strongly believe. You’ll see what I’m saying in action. They’ll defend the belief. They’ll give all kinds of reasons why it’s true. They will push back. It’s very difficult to change belief through action. The best, easiest way involves creating new beliefs. Not acting.

Self-loathing’s vicious cycle

I’ve spoken to many transgender women. Many trans-attracted men too. Nearly all of them struggle with accepting who they are. Their reasons are understandable of course. Society tells them there’s something wrong with them. As the psychologist says below, this indoctrination starts at an early age. Often within families of origin. More often than not the indoctrination is subliminal.

The discomfort people feel while getting indoctrinated tells them something important. But most don’t understand the language of emotions. So they miss the message entirely.

Instead, the discomfort strengthens. It gets so strong, it’s very easy to develop a revulsion around what we are. This revulsion is too much to bear psychologically for many women and trans-attracted men. So then, in the case of a transgender woman, it’s no surprise that when a man shows her natural, normal attraction/interest, as an expression of the man’s NATURAL NORMAL sexual orientation, the transgender woman almost invariably will project her inner self-loathing onto the man.

There’s no way a man can possibly be interested in me, because there’s something wrong with me. So there must be something wrong with him.

Then she will revile the man. Call him chaser or worse. Reject his attention. Such acts further strengthen the vicious cycle proving her unworthiness. It also perpetuates meeting more men who treat her the way she feels about herself. In other words, she matches with men sharing similar inner dialogue (stories).

Self-loathing trans-attracted men loath themselves because they, like the woman, had similar childhood experiences around their sexual curiosities. They feel shame about their trans-attraction and therefore live in the shadows. It’s a wonderful dynamic that CAN transform the experience of both parties for the better.

Awareness is everything

But that rarely happens without outside assistance. That’s because neither side recognizes nor accepts what’s going on inside themselves. Instead, the cycle continues. The women blame the men and vice-versa. The aftermath? Both the men and the women go loveless.

So here’s the gender psychologist telling it like it is. She uses clinical language, but the message is the same:

She tells it in different language, but the message is the same.

Awareness is everything. Unless we acknowledge what’s happening inside us, we rarely develop lives we really want. Indoctrination isn’t always negative. It can lead to certain success. Career success, for example, or financial success. That success usually is lopsided though. Donald Trump, Ted Turner and others have shown how familial indoctrination can result in even mega success. But such success often accompanies great dissatisfaction. Which is why many successful people kill themselves.

Relationships are another story, however. With relationships, inner awareness is crucial. Because human relationships depend heavily on one’s internal reality. That inner reality draws to us people who are our matches. These people match our inner reality. They share similar stories. They also behave the same way we do.

If you think what I offer is New Age BS, then listen to the psychologist in the video above. Her words are different. But she’s saying the exact same thing.

If you’re still struggling in love, it’s likely you are beset by some level of self-loathing. If you’re ready, I can help with that.