Transgender Diversity Dominates

Fascination grows in me the more I work with trans and trans-attracted people. There’s no such thing as homogeneity anywhere. That includes trans and trans-attracted populations.

Not all transgender women, for example, believe an “inner female is struggling to get out” of me. I get how a trans person might feel that way. What I’m seeing though tells me that statement says more about how the speaker sees the world than it describes what’s happening.

I’m realizing there is no “male” or “female”. There’s just what is. I wonder if, when a trans woman says something like “I feel like a woman”, what that really is is a statement approximating what they feel, compared to what they see. They see people they resonate with, who appear “female”, so they conclude that’s what they are.

Transgender dissonance

I attended a discussion group at my local Q center. Some transgender attendees confided their bafflement over how out-of-place they felt in their transitioned gender. Both transgender men AND trans women in this group described how different cis-men and women were from them.

The speakers found it difficult relating to dynamics within and among these groups, indicating perhaps that the speakers were not “male” or “female” as they thought they were, but instead were something different. Something more.

Three experiences, two with clients and another with someone I spoke on the phone yesterday adds more complexity.

My first client enjoys creating a future in which he expresses a wonderful gender blend. He relishes expressing combinations representing traditional “male” and “female” social markers: breasts, a peak-toned, muscular, yet slender physique, hairless scalp, eyeliner, and a delicate frilly blouse and skirt. He will pull it off too. He looks good. This client rejects the idea of “a woman trapped in a man’s body” he hears so much among transgender women he hangs with. He feels being trans is more than that.

I agree.

The other client clearly expresses feminine traits, yet she rejects her developing breasts. In her best moments, she relishes her expression somewhere between “male” and “female” too. She’s impatient to have her Adam’s apple reduced, but likes other features marking her as “male”. Her authenticity conflicts with her dating stories: she believes most men look for “women”. They’re not interested, she believes, in someone somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

I totally disagree, of course. Matches exist for every expression.

so, upheld how diverse “transgender” really is. He knows himself as trans, yet doesn’t dress en femme as much as he wears “men’s” clothes. He is calm with where he is. Not a single transitionary step piqued his interest yet. And while he enjoys attention and conversation with trans-attracted men, he doesn’t enjoy anal sex. That’s quite a perspective.

More are on the way

An intuitive hit tells me our age now allows all kinds of expressions, especially when it comes to presenting gender and orientation, but not only that. Social churn we’re seeing today I believe stems from humanity growing through greater clarity. It knows there’s more to what we as humans allowed in the past. More diversity, not less, is on the way. In that, there’s not only no binary, there’s no right way.

I think about the person I talked with on the phone. I thought how he will meet men who will find attractive his desire to present sometimes as male, sometimes as a woman. A match exists for everyone.

That conversation prompted this post. He said, it’s hard finding people to befriend, even though he lives in Los Angeles, a Mecca of sorts for LGBT people. He said he feels uncomfortable and alone because he doesn’t see anyone like him: people who share his perspective, his unique expression focus.

Trans is a leading edge

Perhaps that’s because he’s here to lead the way? What if by virtue of living his authentic life, he made space for others to do the same?

Maybe the one reason this guy sees no examples of who he feels he is is because society is only just now opening its eyes to humanity’s authentic expression: it’s never been about “male” and “female”.

So while a lot of people rail over and push against society about how “trans women are WOMEN”, that doesn’t even begin to tell the whole story.

Trans people are divine, eternal beings. Like all people, they can’t be put in ANY kind of box.

Let them be free. If you’re trans or trans-attracted free yourself. “Gay or straight” is a box. “Trans women are women” is a box. No matter how comfortable one may feel it.

Free yourself and watch how great diversity that is you shines, and in that shining you’ll shape humanity to more truly reflect All That Is. Doing that you’ll not only find freedom, you’ll find joy too.

August 11, 2020August 11, 2020

How to create the partner you want transgender or trans-attracted

This is one of our 1:1 clients. He is in early stages of his transgender transformation (He prefers he/him pronouns for now).

Like all of our clients he is getting immediate results in creating the relationship he wants. This is why we guarantee our results.

Our client is in a relationship with his son’s mother. Their relationship had been very rocky because our client was telling rocky stories about himself, about her and about his relationship. In three sessions, after cleaning up some of his unhelpful stories, his son’s mother started acting different.

In this clip, you can hear how he is settling into the fact that stories not only create one’s reality, they create people in reality too. Our client is now on his way to his dreams. He’s excited about the path and finds the work exhilarating, even while recognizing the work, in his words, can be a “blessing and a curse.”

We would say the work puts our clients where they belong: at the center of the Universe, ongoingly creating the Universe that surrounds them. From there it does seem like a blessing…when they’re creating their Universe on purpose.

When they don’t create on purpose, as our client says here, it becomes curse. The more our clients discover the joy of living through stories about what they want, living lives through stories they don’t want feels awful. But that’s good too. How else are our clients supposed to know when they’re creating on purpose, or creating through obliviousness?

Become a The Transamorous Network client and watch how not only your love life improves, but so does everything else in your Universe. Click this link to find out more

April 7, 2020April 8, 2020

Ten Reasons To Appreciate COVID-19

Editor’s note: Angry about this headline? Check your stories. Your stories – thoughts you think and beliefs you hold – create your life experience. Including who you meet and how those relationships go. Looking for the love of your life, that perfect partner you want? Then first you must become that which you want. If this headline freaks you out, you’re not doing that. That is why you can’t find your transgender or cis-male partner. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Everything works out because that’s how life works. All relationships work out, even pain in the ass, always arguing, never-having-sex relationships. Even cis-trans relationships.

But if I tell stories consistent with the struggle, the fighting, the no-sex experience, I get more of that. I get more of that because I create life experience.

So what about COVID-19? If I create life experience what’s up with COVID-19? Most people struggle when told they create negative life experience. Facing a pandemic, it seems foolish thinking such thoughts.

“You’re blaming the victim” goes the tired, knee-jerk response, a response springing from beliefs in a random, objective reality separate from what we are.

Nearly everyone believes the physical world and humans exist independently. So when told they create the physical world they inhabit, this trope spills from people’s mouths out like vomit: involuntarily.

The pandemic sweeping the globe, triggering people’s fears and worries, springs from our collective focus. It’s both a culmination and a beginning. Results coming from it loudly and clearly indicate a shift towards better futures for everyone. That’s obvious, when telling the right stories.

COVID-19 presents great positive opportunity. It must, because everything works out. In these positive stories, I see awesome ways in which COVID-19 benefits us all. Here are ten. There are many more.

markus-spiske-r1BS0pzlr1M-unsplash — Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

1. We’re all in this together

COVID-19 reveals something we know, but ignore: we’re all on the same planet and we create our individual AND our collectively reality. One person’s actions affect the entire planet. That’s always happening. This pandemic clarifies our connectedness. On the plus side, that means one person’s act can change the world for the better as it can do the opposite. That’s good news!

branimir-balogovic-fAiQRv7FgE0-unsplash — Photo by Branimir Balogović on Unsplash

2. It’s bringing out the best of us

I’ve seen police serenading neighborhoods from empty streets in Italy, medical personnel acting heroically in hospitals, storeowners setting aside special elderly shopping hours. We’ve gotten back in touch with each other and our communities. We’re greeting each other more (from six feet away). It’s a good thing.

david-veksler-0UF_vme6lJ8-unsplash — Photo by David Veksler on Unsplash

3. We’re rethinking priorities

Loved ones, family members, friends, community…all these things took second fiddle in our earn-a-living-society. Not any more. Amidst COVID-19, loved ones, family members, friends and community hold center stage. It could remain that way going forward. If we want.

Research shows people on deathbeds rarely say “I wish I would have worked harder!” Instead, they regret spending so much time at work. No better time to restructure priorities than now. COVID-19 gives us that time.

amin-moshrefi-bce4M2hGEiA-unsplash — Photo by Amin Moshrefi on Unsplash

4. It’s clarifying real value

Forced home, isolation demands we get comfortable with ourselves. Isolation frightens some. Prolonged isolation from COVID-19 can bring introspection and renewed self-value and self discovery. Taking quiet time, focusing more on one’s own company brings many rewards. COVID-19 could resurface our lasting and inestimable individual and collective value.

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5. We’re rethinking jobs

COVID-19 strongly affects some people. Sheltering in place confronts beliefs about working jobs we hate. These people LOVE LOVE LOVE not working right now, but also feel shame and embarrassment about that. Society makes us think we’re worthless if we don’t work, pull our weight or “get a job”. Some realize under COVID-19 that those shibboleths are false. That’s great awareness!

And, there are others who get how much they LOVE LOVE LOVE their work. They’re refreshed in their isolation, but also antsy. They find great value doing something they believe important. Even if it’s not. That’s great too!

jordan-whitfield-sm3Ub_IJKQg-unsplash — Photo by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

6. Some are rethinking “earning a living”

On a bigger scale, people see now the terrific tie between them and this economy. Like hamsters on a wheel, if people don’t work, the whole shebang stops. This realization could awaken whole new ideas about running societies and economies. Are we brave enough to leap into the (seeming) unknown?

pawel-czerwinski-KVOtJAxULK4-unsplash — Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

7. It’s changing what’s possible politically

Never in a thousand years would I predict that REPUBLICANS would send federal checks directly to individuals. And yet that’s exactly what’s happening. It looks like Andrew Yang’s Universal Basic Income proposal got implemented, in various forms, other countries as a stop-gap to total economic destruction. Our bailouts here in the US may not be as grand, but amazingly, the bedeviled idea “socialism” is what is keeping us from total economic ruin. Paradigms could change from all this. If we want.

alex-gindin-ifpBOcQlhoY-unsplash — Photo by Alex Gindin on Unsplash

8. Air pollution? What air pollution?

With so many not working and businesses not running, already we see changes happening with less pollution coming from cities and industry. If humanity acts decisively on climate change, big environmental reversals can happen fast. COVID-19 allows a glimpse at a possible future.

markus-spiske-3Tf1J8q9bBA-unsplash — Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

9. Some now think different

Radical ideas may not be as radical as we thought. COVID-19 offers contemplating new ideas economic ideas that don’t tie humanity to economic output. Emerging from COVID-19, can we create a new economy not demanding human effort as its fuel? Anything’s possible now. Thanks COVID-19!

omid-armin-a5EbQpl-IHw-unsplash — Photo by Omid Armin on Unsplash

10. It’s part of the great shift

With every major historical, negative event, humanity, on the other side of them, came out better. Every major war, every great plague, and every natural disaster launched more and better human ideas. No matter what humans face, on the other side we get better. I know this pandemic complements a spiritual shift urging us towards the future. Perhaps we will heed that call. That would be great!

COVID-19 prompts different reactions from different people. More accurately, one’s beliefs, their stories both shape people’s reactions and people’s futures. I know the more people see positive things happening in the world, the more positive the world gets for those people. Come to where you easily meet the love of your life, pandemic or not. Learn how to tell your life story so it matches your dreams, instead of your frustrations.

We’re here to help.

March 30, 2020

How I created $10,000

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Life is delightful.

Last month, in cahoots with Inner Being, I realized $10,000 in project funding. Rendezvousing with those funds came surprisingly and delightfully, which is how “right timing” always feels.

Right timing happens when I tell the right stories about what I want consistently enough that my reality matches stories I tell. This works with creating money, apartments, partners, or even intangibles such as happiness, well being and freedom. Here’s how to do it:

• • •

Between jobs last month and with COVID-19 shutting down job opportunities, I slowed down looking for work. In that space, I realized what I wanted more than a job paying the bills, was my projects paying the bills.

But current stories about my projects funding my living created ongoing nows consistent with those stories. That’s why I needed work. I didn’t believe my projects could pay my bills.

So that’s the reality I got.

Earlier last month though, I decided I would allow current stories a path out of my awareness. Doing that, I knew they would no longer influence my reality. Do that long enough, I knew, and stories consistent with my desires would become my reality.

That’s what I started two weeks ago. On Day one, determination reigned. By Day 12, old stories re-asserted themselves. All stories, beliefs or thoughts enjoy leaning toward their fullest expression. Believe it or not, stories are living things as all thoughts are. They revel in expression.

Once in my head, it can be hard getting them out. Unless I know what to do, that is, which I do, so it’s not hard. It’s easy.

The withdraw

My old stories reveled in my then present reality. The more I looked for work, the stronger their momentum. Their revelry felt like pressure, fear and anxiety inside me. That’s because their revelry in me drew to me thoughts like these:

I gotta get a job. My savings is running out
I should take whatever I can get
If I don’t take this job, there may not be others

Sense scarcity consciousness in those?

But then I reminded myself that I create my reality. Not these stories. I can choose stories I tell. I’ll choose stories that feel good and know by my good feelings, realities consistent with my positive stories will become my reality.

Thoughts that feel good sounded like this:

I don’t need to take any of these jobs I feel “blah” about
There are plenty of jobs available for me
My Inner Being knows the best job for me
I’ll wait for that best job

But then, while thinking those thoughts, other more positive thoughts came to me:

I don’t want a job!
I really enjoy working on my projects
Why can’t my projects support my living?
They can!
I want that reality!
Working on my projects full time feels fun!

That was around Day six. Between Day six and Day 12, old story constellations reasserted themselves several times each day. They (those thoughts) would pop into my head from time to time vying with my new, emerging stories. This is how it goes. It’s what changing your reality looks like.

Thankfully, I trained myself into monitoring my feelings. Any time I felt bad, I knew old stories popped up, even if I didn’t know what stories I told at that time.

Sometimes I knew. I felt and heard the thought. Other times, I didn’t.

No matter. Anytime I felt negative emotion, I pulled my attention back into the now, then focused on the positive thought-set. Something interesting: Negative emotion usually came when I let my attention slip into the future. That’s a no-no because when there I easily slip into trying to figure out the “how” and the “when” about what I want: How will my projects sustain me? When will that happen? Will it happen before I run out of money?

Those thoughts create fear and worry. So I know they don’t lean toward my desired reality that’s becoming my now. Instead, they lean the other way.

Any time I couldn’t shift my thinking because old story momentum had too much strength, I would take a nap, or go do something I enjoy: watch a favorite movie, or go on a walk.

By Day 14, I had done a lot of all that. I felt really good.

The morning of Day 14, I had wonderful dreams and epiphanies I wrote about in my journal. Then, one of my Positively Focused clients sent a message on WhatsApp. He’s not only a client, he’s keen about Copiosis, my other project. He’s given money to that organization before.

It just so happened, I launched a Copiosis social media advertising strategy earlier that week. So I had plenty to show him. The progress excited him. In his excitement he told he would give me more money to run that organization. Then he said use the rest of his gift to fund my living expenses so I could work full time on my projects.

How much was “the rest”? Nine thousand, five hundred and eighty dollars! I walked right into my desired reality!

Here’s the thing about all this. The money is great. Now I don’t need a job. It will fund my living expenses for most of the rest of the year. More money is coming, I’m sure.

But what’s more thrilling is what I experienced on the way to this money. The deliberate focus. Telling the right stories. Clarity coming from that. Positive, wonderful, ecstatic feelings coming from clarity.

Every moment I stayed in the present moment, I enjoyed throughly. In other words, most of that time I was happy. I’m happy still.

Those times I didn’t I stay in the Moment of Becoming, I see as beneficial too. Without them, I wouldn’t know I was heading away from what I wanted. So even those times benefitted me.

Getting the $10K is great. But desire fulfillment lasts hardly as long as anticipation, the joyful expectations, the pleasure that is knowing desire fulfillment is on its way. Seeing the signs as I move toward desire fulfillment sweetens the journey.

Since I’m eternal, new desires will always spring up. So I’ll always be on the way to a new desire.

How does all this relate to finding a partner? Your reality springs from stories you’re telling. Old story momentum creates your reality just as my old story momentum created my “I need a job” reality. Change your stories and in a little while, you’ll find yourself in new realities. Realities filled with abundant relationship options, no matter how unlikely you think your relationship options are.

Life gets mostly lived on a journey towards someplace. Every time I arrive, arrival births new desires. Which is why I know this: Life is about the journey. Not the destination. Settle into that truth. Not only will you have more fun, you’ll get what you want fast.

September 14, 2019

A Client Gets A Relationship, Part 2

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Welcome back.

Last time I wrote about Joe (not his real name) a client who met his ideal match in a transgender woman. Joe was excited about this. He felt the Universe designed this gathering.

It did.

But the “why” wasn’t what Joe thought.

This post details what happened after Joe’s initial excitement and enthusiasm. It also sheds more light on our framework. Why it is so powerful. And why we guarantee you’ll get your ideal match.

That and a whole lot more. Let’s get started.

• • •

By his ninth session, Joe’s enthusiasm disappeared. He was low-energy. Not the excited person from our cancelled seventh session.

Turns out Cassandra (not her real name either), the transgender woman he met, hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Despondent, Joe had all kinds of negative stories about why. Stories about the experience. Stories about himself. Stories about our approach.

Joe’s grumpiness matched all these stories. Joe thought something went wrong.

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Nothing went wrong.

Instead, Joe’s life experience showed him what he must change if he wants his ideal partner. Remy says this all the time. If you want your ideal match you must become a match to them.

Joe is not yet a match. So he drew to himself someone who matches where he is. The gift of this perfect relationship connection is, it showed this to him.

That doesn’t mean he liked what he saw.

But had he been able to, he would have benefitted even more from the experience.

Life is eternal. You always get more chances so nothing is lost. Nothing goes wrong. Ever.

The relationships with Cassandra didn’t show up as the relationship Joe wanted. But it did show Joe many of his disempowering stories.

And it showed him how his relationship behavior matches those stories.

Joe moved too fast. His stories about relationship scarcity caused had him cling to this relationship. As if there weren’t going to be any others.

Out of his desperation to have a relationship, he asked Cassandra if she was seeing anyone else, implying energetically, of course, that he’d prefer he be the only one she was seeing.

After all, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. But the reason he wasn’t seeing anyone else wasn’t because he had other opportunities. It’s because he is grasping desperately for THE relationship. Instead of enjoying life.

When Cassandra said she was seeing others, Joe played it off. But it was obvious in our call that answer was not the right one. It did match his stories though.

• • •

We know at The Transamorous Network that stories create reality. We also know momentum of stories told often enough can’t be avoided. That’s not how life works.

To slow old story momentum, a person must tell new stories. New stories which, over time, will build enough momentum in their own right. Meanwhile, old story momentum deactivates. They have less effect on reality. Including one’s behaviors.

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Joe didn’t focus on new stories after that exchange. That focus takes effort, which is why we offer our framework. Joe is only starting. So he doesn’t realize yet how to check in with his emotions early enough to halt old story momentum.

It’s a rare skill among people. Hardly anyone has the discipline and rigor to do such work on their own. Hardly anyone understands why we have emotions. We offer our framework for that reason.

So rather than focusing on new stories he is working on in our sessions, Joe allowed his old stories to continue creating his reality. Disappointment he felt isn’t about how the relationship turned out (it ended). Although that’s what Joe thinks is the reason he’s disappointed. He feels disappointment (and frustration and sadness and more) because he’s focusing on his reality. The reality his old stories are creating. Realities not matching what he wants.

Again, Joe is just starting. So he doesn’t get how important it is to understand the purpose of emotions. So instead of using his emotions they way they’re intended, he tries to behave in spite of them.

Meanwhile, his behavior faithfully creates outcomes matching his old stories.

For example, one night frustrated in not hearing from Cassandra, Joe drunk-dialed her. That didn’t go well.

Drunk-dialing is a classic knee-jerk reaction to strong negative emotions triggered by negative stories about relationships playing out in physical reality. Thinking that behavior would bring relief, people drink to numb the emotion.

But alcohol amplifies negative emotion. It adds momentum to stories. That momentum draws to it other stories like it. Your stories are living things. Not just words. Stories like company. They draw to themselves stories like themselves. That’s how story or belief constellations happen.

That’s also why drinking to numb pain usually begins a downward spiral. When it comes to a “failed” relationship, that spiral often includes drunk-dialing.

Remember, in the last post I cautioned Joe about what was happening. I said Cassandra was a perfect match to Joe’s stories. That she is a perfect match is an excellent indicator.

remember

What do I mean by that?

I mean, Joe got to see exactly how his stories create his reality. A reality which includes transgender women not all that interested in Joe for Joe.

To Joe, she seemed interested. At first. But later she wasn’t.

By our ninth session, Joe was not in a good place at all. He couldn’t see the extraordinary benefit of a relationship like the one he got.

• • •

Then one day, Cassandra contacted him after a long absence. He said she asked him to pay for something for her. Joe didn’t have the money. He hasn’t heard from her since telling her so.

Of course, Joe’s old beliefs showed up again. “That’s all she wanted me for”, He told me during our session.

That story can be extended more broadly about all his relationships with transgender women, women who usually are sex workers.

Joe left session nine pretty negative.

If Joe continues the work, this could be a turning point for him. His stories are screaming out loud. Now that he has some grounding in “Stories” and how they create reality, he is getting first hand experience in his own life experience how stories do that.

He’s not happy about that.

But this is the process. It’s how it works.

I reminded Joe his unhappiness is an emotion telling him something important. It’s telling him his stories about this situation aren’t consistent with what’s really happening.

Again, of course, Joe didn’t want to hear this. He defended his stories as “true”, which they are. But he refused to understand that they are only true because his stories have created a reality consistent with them. They are no more true than any other story he might tell often enough to create momentum and a new reality consistent with that.

And that is the work. Using one’s life experience as a living classroom, our framework shows clients how to tell new stories. New stories told frequent enough so their reality changes to match them.

Then they have a new truth. A life experience that contains everything they want.

Including their ideal partner.

Joe is continuing the work. We’ll see whether his relationship with Cassandra was the last one he’ll let his old stories dictate.