Editor’s note: In this series, we highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
I’m 32, pre-transition and really struggling to cope after years of repression. I don’t know what do. I am in so much pain. I’m so lost. I’ll be honest I spent all night last night reading your site and crying. I saw there multiple times where one of the writers said ‘you only need one’ and it really woke me up. It’s not the first time I thought the same thing. There’s millions of men in the world surely one can love me?
Lonely and longing
Hi Lonely,
While it is true you only need one, literally thousands of men will (not can) love you. Millions “can” love you.
And yes, if you’re monogamous, you only need one of those multiple millions or multiple thousands of men.
The problem comes from where you stand relative to that man. Looking for love and not finding it resembles looking for sunglasses you think you lost.
You can’t find what you think is lost
I just ended a client session this morning where the client described how she lost her sunglasses. She looked for them everywhere, throughout her house…even in her car. No sunglasses.
Then she realized they were on her head the whole time. She pushed them up there earlier and forgot. Since she forgot, she tried “finding” them. She didn’t remember where she put them (on her head) because she stood in the “story” (the belief), that her sunglasses were “lost”.
Finally, she gave up looking for them and went on her errand. “Giving up” means, she let go of the story “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them.”
“I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” made it impossible – literally for her –to realize the glasses on her head. So close they were!
Yet, she couldn’t see them. She couldn’t even feel them!
You stand in the exact same place about this man you want. You literally can’t find him while telling stories you tell yourself, about boys/men, about love, about relationships, about YOURSELF about you being trans, about your worthiness and deservedness when it comes to loving relationships.
Meanwhile, just like my client and her sunglasses on her head, the man you want is as close as that. He’s literally moving around you all day every day.
But when you tell the equivalent of “I want my sunglasses. But I can’t find them” across all these subjects, he is as invisible and as lost as my client’s sunglasses.
And when you try to find him, you just exacerbate his invisibility.
And yet, the pain you feel brings benefits. That pain tells you something important. But if you don’t know what it tells, you can’t benefit. It sucks when most people experience pain, especially emotional pain, for this reason. Most don’t know what pain offers.
I can’t offer something in an email that will move you out of your pain and into your ideal love relationship. That takes a while. My client load exists for that reason. But if you want, we can start that work together. Clearly, you’ve read a lot of our material, so you sense what we do and its effectiveness.
The good news: you came into the world knowing you’d have this experience. You WANTED it and you knew it would be an extremely rewarding and world changing one.
But like everyone (almost everyone), you’ve forgotten this knowing (like the sunglasses on your head) in the face of physical reality’s bewildering nature. Its detail, real-ness and solidity seem so real! And objectively separate from you.
We help people remember what they forgot, then show them how to use what they remember so they create reality in which what they want happens. When that happens, life for them gets as fun as we write about.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
Hi,
I am a late transitioning trans woman. Before my GRS I was dating a tranny chaser who constantly verbally abused me for wanting to get GRS. He would scream at me to not get my penis removed. When I woke up from GRS, he was gone. That was early August 2020.
In January 2021, I met my current boyfriend. He was specifically interested in feminine, traditionally minded women – cis or trans – didn’t matter. We have been living together for several months now and he is nothing but wonderful to me. Great guys who don’t care whether or not you are trans do exist.
Somewhere In the US
Hi There Somewhere,
Isn’t it great when, when you get what you don’t want, it creates a strong desire in you for what you do want….and then, when you tell stories that match what you do want, you get that?
I think it’s great there are guys in the world who “don’t care whether or not you are trans”, just as there are guys out there who want a woman with a penis…and everything in between.
I’m sure you get a TON of validation from your current guy, right? Sure sounds like it. That’s so great.
If I were you, I’d stop telling the story of what happened in August 2020. Why repeatedly share something you didn’t enjoy? Then, I’d never stop telling the entire world about the guy you currently live with. That way, you’ll feel wonderful AND get more things you want.
By the way, using the phrase “tranny chaser” equates to calling a transgender woman “tranny”. Transgender women don’t like being called tranny. Trans-attracted Men struggling to find what they want in a partner struggle even more when those they find attractive describe them as “tranny chasers”. And if you think about it, that phrase denigrates you at the same time it denigrates him.
You probably know that, but likely think describing that guy that way makes sense because of how he treated you. But that phrase tells a story you really want to let go of…if you want a life you’ll love.
A match for everyone exists. No exceptions. Often, people find their match by “kissing a lot of frogs”. Every relationship though represents a stepping stone toward the one relationship everyone wants, the only relationship that matters, really. That relationship: the one each person has with themself.
Just as you got what you want, that guy from August 2020 will eventually get what he wants once he tells stories matching that.
Happy outcomes feel great. Enjoy the boyfriend you live with. Forget those who came before.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
Dear TTN,
I accept the fact that I am attracted to trans women.
One thing that has stopped me for a while is when I see posts of [transgender] activists such as Serena Daniari or others that complain about men that like trans women.
She is very intelligent. She seems the type of trans woman I would date in terms of intelligence, attractiveness, and the fact that she is at a similar level both in career and studies. It’s just an example, I obviously don’t plan on dating her.
The common thing I see from transgender women on social media is this: they keep complaining about men liking them for their penis or not caring about other parts of them, or liking them due to being trans or being secretive about them.
I have contacted lots of them to encourage them. I shared my admiration for them, for what they do, their journey, etc. Sometimes I ask their advice on dating properly with trans women, how to be respectful or how to navigate things appropriately.
Do you know how many of them replied? Zero. And minutes and days later they keep posting complaining about men. They express disgust, say we like them for the wrong reasons or complaining about people misgendering them.
This shocks me because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame.
Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then, the icing on the cake is, then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.
It’s very frustrating because you see intelligent, educated, attractive trans women with good careers, and in some way role models that want to help other trans women have easier lives, not being able to date with men that could love them due to solely their mindset and what they want to see.
And with their posts on the topic they amplify the false story that there’s no men out here that want to date trans women who sees them as equals which can cause other trans women that follow them to adopt that vision.
It would be great if bridges could be created with those activists, to help them see that this is not the case. And to help spread the healthy image of relationships between trans women and cis men. Although I am not sure if they are ready to accept that and want to keep at that world perspective that nearly everyone is either against them or wants them for DL sex. I tried explaining but they just ignore me.
What do you think can be done about that?
I would like to date a trans woman like them but I feel I would just get called chaser due to their beliefs. I am not sure if in my country there’s women like them though.
Living in Spain
Dear Living in Spain,
Bridging isn’t necessary. We do not build bridges with transgender women activists who tell stories you talk about. Good reasons support our position. Perhaps you’ll agree with some, since you know stories’ role in shaping people’s experience.
For one, intelligence and career/professional success get trumped by stories every time. You see this in the responses you’re (not) getting and in what these women use their intelligence/success to amplify. A lot of these women’s success depends largely on them amplifying stories their followers/audiences share. Especially so on social media. I’m sure know the popular Upton Sinclair quote:
For a trans woman who’s success (and ongoing income) depends on ongoing and increasing followership through social media, offering opinions contrary to the majority of what that followership believes isn’t in her best interest.
Doing so won’t increase her success or income. It likely will do the opposite. So her vested financial interest is – keep doing what she’s doing (and saying). Which means repeating what her audience believes.
Secondly, many set their own agenda at completely cross-purposes with our agenda. Hypothetical example: a successful transgender woman “activist” moved through sex work on her way to her success. While experiencing very “low level” trans-attracted/chaser men, she developed extremely bitterness-triggering negative stories about men. She told them for a long time, shared them with friends, and got a LOT of agreement/validation of her experiences through her rise on social media.
The momentum of those stories will keep her in that bitterness long after attaining success. The only one who can change that momentum: her. But she must be willing to do that. First, she must know that she tells such stories, and she must understand what’s available in changing them. That alone represents a tall order.
For most such women, that level of self-awareness doesn’t exist. Some barely even register their stories! It’s all happening in them on auto-pilot!
So were we to try changing their mind, it would just cause their stories to “dig in” deeper. We know this from personal experience.
Self-loathing in a pretty, intelligent, successful shell
Another reason we won’t waste our time trying to convince activists otherwise is because a lot of their frustration, anger and revulsion at trans-attracted men is about their own lack of self-worth, insecurity and self-loathing.
Think about it. Many, many transgender women (and we’ve talked with a lot) go through years, sometimes decades HATING what they are. Especially hating body parts they interpret as reminding them who they aren’t.
So when a guy offers his natural acceptance and appreciation of a trans woman for all they are (penis included) doesn’t it seem natural that trans woman who hates parts of herself will react vehemently towards someone who wants them – in part – for the part(s) they hate?
Just because someone is intelligent and successful doesn’t mean they come equipped with introspection and self-awareness/knowledge. Sometimes the most intelligent and successful are the ones with the least self-awareness! And the most self-loathing…
And once they remove the offending part, they now must contend with the fact that they find themselves in a kind of no-man’s land: on the one hand, some men don’t want them because they aren’t “really” women. On the other, those who do want them, they say, want them for what they no longer have. we’re speaking from their perspective of their stories.
The thing is, it’s fine to want intelligence and success. But first on your list should be a story match. The only way to do that is by first entertaining stories you want in a partner. Everything else follows that.
The catch 22 of trans-attraction
You’re absolutely right, and, while being right you affirm the next reason why we won’t bridge with activists. You write: “because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame. Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then the icing on the cake is then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.”
This is the crux of the dilemma for both sides. Once you have a story set, or what we call a “belief constellation”, in place, it’s very difficult dislodging yourself so you can see outside that story set. The struggle trans-attracted men have is exactly what you say: society generally shames us, and the very women we are attracted to do too. So we end up self-shaming, self-loathing and in that blame transgender women for our predicament. But for every person struggling, the struggle is self-inflicted. There are no victims.
Yes, trans women do all this complaining, all the while complaining about being single. But think about stories and realities they create. Of course a trans woman who has such stories will end up single…or with a woman. No one can create around their beliefs (stories). That’s why we ONLY work with men and trans women who are willing to examine their beliefs and stories and change them.
So these (and many more) are reasons why we don’t put any time trying to build bridges. With activists or any other trans or trans-attracted person ignorant about what creates their reality, there’s no bridge to be built that will effectively span the chasm created by bogus stories.
Here’s the good news:
There are more trans women out there than you think you know. Many of them don’t have that superficial success depending on constant story agreement. Many exceed your success and intelligence – no offense. And besides, assuming you’re monogamous you only need one! That’s easy to get!
But think about this now: Your email arrived PACKED with as many stories about those women, stories not dissimilar from stories these women have about you. So you’re kinda in the same boat, aren’t you? Rather than trying to reach these “activist” women, who you see as successful and thus prime candidates for your attention and affection, why not instead change YOUR stories, and thereby your attention, to those transgender women who are out there who already meet you on the story level, profession level and success level? They are out there, but, just like you say about Serena, you can’t see them if you keep going after girls like Serena then complaining when they ignore you.
Here’s something else to consider. And we’re just casually sharing here. Isn’t it obvious from your observation and experience that intelligence and career success aren’t enough to find a match? We agree with you, there are many very successful transgender women out there. More than you know, we promise.
But no amount of intelligence/career success will overcome stories you keep telling, or they keep telling, that keep you from being a match. In fact, intelligence and success, as you saw, often hinder one’s ability to see different perspectives. The very perspectives that can bring them everything they want.
You don’t need activists. The Transamorous Network doesn’t either. If you want to enjoy fulfilling, happy cis-trans relationships, or just one, attend to your stories first. Then, armed with better-feeling stories, relax and watch as your reality changes to match your new level of story creation.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy. This letter and response are particularly long. We felt it important to include both the full letter and reply because it would help men like the person who wrote us.
Dear TheTransamorous Network,
I feel very ashamed. Yesterday I had an encounter with a trans escort. I don’t feel proud of it because in some way I feel I contributed to the escort world, which is something against my values. I don’t want to justify it, but I realized I did it due to a buildup of tension over many years.
As a teenager I realized, accidentally, that porn featuring women with penises was the main category that turned me on. I felt really ashamed and avoided it for years, thinking it meant I was gay. I watched lots of gay porn to check, but it did nothing at all to me. I watched lesbian and heterosexual porn too. Those very rarely did something to me.
That was until one day at the university someone passed pictures of a trans woman with penis as a prank and realized again, that, instead of feeling disgust like my classmates, I was intensely turned on, even though I pretended to feel disgust like they did.
During my master’s degree I was in a long term relationship with a cisgender woman. And I actually enjoyed everything about it (including sex). But unfortunately we didn’t have the same vision of future and we parted different ways.
At that time I felt very low and sort of rediscovered porn. I realized that again, what I discovered happened to me during my adolescence still was happening. But I didn’t accept it. I felt it was related to a trauma I had to overcome or something similar, so I avoided the entire thing and suppressed my thoughts.
I have to admit that each time during my past year when I realized about it I would for a short period of time accept it as a possibility and even searched info on how transgender women lived lives, how transition felt for them, both emotionally and physically. I also read about challenges they face in everyday life and I empathized but I was scared about the idea of having that in my life.
At some point I accepted I maybe enjoyed porn featuring transgender women with penises. And let myself have sexual thoughts and reactions without doing anything about it. I didn’t feel I wanted to act on it but I felt I preferred to allow my body to feel instead of suppress.
I had one encounter with an escort. I didn’t feel much during it. So I left it at that. After a long streak of unssuccessful dates for over 3 years with cis women in dating apps (with whom I didn’t connect). I stopped dating for a while. I went full monk mode. I spent half a year without doing anything sexual even alone. And for some reason I reconnected with a cisgender woman I met who I like and have been getting to know although I haven kissed her yet.
After some days of not meeting with that woman and lots of stress from work, one day someone sent me a prank with a picture of a transgender woman with a penis. I immediately felt intensely turned on. I felt ashamed and deleted it. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And started thinking about my adolescence reaction and all my past reactions to it. What if I had been supressing a natural attraction I had. How could I know? There was no way.
I don’t see transgender women in my everyday so I don’t have that experience. And if I see them I can’t tell them a part from cisgender women. I was very aroused and I wanted to meet with transgender woman but the idea of hurting their feelings if I was not into trans women, stopped me from opening a dating account. Also I didn’t feel ready for it.
At some point I decided I would go to an escorts service. I wanted to know my real sexual orientation. I did lots of research and found in my country it is legal for someone to create a company that gathers people who voluntarily want to do sex work. I found one that was in the register managed by women and checked if they had the licenses in order. Since they did, I thought I would give it a try one day.
But knowing I could explore my sexuality, legally and with a consenting person, I just couldn’t wait anymore and felt I had the obligation to myself and future partners to experiment now that I am still single instead of discovering it later on when I am married with someone with all the consequences it could have.
I went there and felt very anxious and uncomfortable while I was waiting. A trans woman who had different feminization surgeries entered the room, her face still looked a bit masculine, I didn’t quite feel comfortable with it, since I feel attracted to femininity, and that made me feel guilty and superficial. Once we were at it, by just touching her skin and cuddling I immediately ended, because of how intense was my reaction to her. I felt extremely embarrassed. It was totally unexpected. She calmed me and we had a normal conversation and then continued which I very much enjoyed as I liked her feminine body and behavior, even though she was not completely my ideal of femininity.
I went home and woke up thinking that I did very homosexual things with that transgender woman and the worse part was that my body enjoyed it a lot. I felt bad about it and worried. One thing that made me feel bad was that she said “you gay men enjoy us, trans women with penis”, and also that she said to another one while I was leaving “he is a fagot”.
But what doesn’t fit this narrative of me being gay is that I don’t feel the same way about men. I don’t want to touch a man’s body, I feel no interest in it, neither in porn nor in real life, the idea disgusts me. On the contrary I have fallen in love with cisgender women and had sex and enjoyed it, even though I don’t feel much interest in porn where they appear. But for trans women, I don’t know, it’s really strong my reaction to them.
I feel like I cheated on the cisgender woman I am getting to know although I am not in a relationship with her. I feel bad about that. I have a date with her in some days and I have been enjoying her company and what I feel when I am with her. But maybe it’s because I am looking at things from an exclusive lense. I don’t have to give up on cisgender women if I am attracted to trans women, and the other way around. Maybe it’s something compatible. I guess I will try to find a way to merge both into the same identity.
What’s your experience in that? Is that possible? Can a man be both attracted to cis and trans women? (Ones more emotionally strong although sexually also, and the others more sexually strong, I don’t know about emotional since I lack that experience).
How can I keep exploring safely without hurting other people’s feelings in the process? How can I meet trans women out of escort’s world? I want to have normal experiences like meeting someone that has a job like mine or similar, and that can keep intellectual conversations at my same level.
How can one deal with the guilt? and insults from others? and what’s the sexual orientation of someone that is attracted to women regardless of their genitalia?
I am scared of being physically assaulted if I meet a trans woman and this keeps me very much away from it. Not to mention I know some people I know think it’s a faggot thing and that “they are mentally ill” and men “period”. So I don’t feel comfortable about opening up about it or risking being seen with a trans woman. I still don’t feel ready for that. Maybe in the future, who knows.
Foreign & Fearful
Hello Foreign & Fearful!
Welcome to your life. You stand at a wonderful crossroads. It is the same crossroads many men come to. It is an opportunity to grow, to become who you are authentically. When you do this, your happiness will grow too.
Your strong feeling you call “ashamed” is normal. The reason you feel shame is you think your attraction is wrong, maybe even perverted. Where did these thoughts come from? Have you thought about this?
Here is a hint: You did not think this way when you were born.
Your happiness depends on accepting ALL of who you are, part of which is being attracted to transgender women. Your resistance exists because you have false beliefs which contradict your authentic self. Your opportunity is this: become more of who you are. Give up beliefs that are contrary to who you are. The more you do this, the happier you will be. Period.
Some escorts do what they do because they believe that’s all they can do, or they enjoy what they do to some degree. You are not responsible for contributing to anything other than your own life and experiences you have. People you interact with are there cooperatively, they help you create experiences so you can see who you are authentically, then embrace more of who you are. Your shame, as I wrote above, tells you you are not embracing who you are. So your shame is a very good thing!
Where do your values come from? Do you know? It’s a question worth asking.
There are no accidents. As a teenager you encountered women with penises because you wanted to. You wanted to because you knew such experience would increase your happiness and help you embrace all of who you are. You knew if you embraced this part of you and lived it authentically, you’d have a happy life.
But values you learned over time, caused you to shy away in fear. That’s why you avoided it for many years. You think being attracted to women with penises means you’re gay. But later, in your email, you recognize they are NOT the same thing. GAY MEN ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN!
Attraction to cisgender women is compatible with attraction to transgender women. Why is that? Because transgender women, even transgender women with penises are women. THEY ARE NOT FEMALE. But who cares about that??? It is irrelevant.
So there is no conflict in cisgender attraction and trans-attraction. The problem – for trans-attracted men – is women with penises. Because what’s possible with that kind of woman, for the trans-attracted man, makes them special. There are many more positive characteristics trans women have over ciswomen, most of which have nothing to do their penis.
Transgender women bring interesting extra experiences because of their journey. Those experiences make some of them extremely strong, resilient, confident, and people who don’t take any bullshit. These are very positive traits in a woman.
It is good that you examined your trans-attraction as you did. Good for you too that you softened your resistance to your sexual attraction so you can enjoy your thoughts and reactions. That’s progress, right?!!!!
About your encounter with the escort: It’s possible your fears and apprehensions overwhelmed your latent enjoyment. That happens a lot when men have their first encounter. Don’t make too much about that.
Accidents are not accidents: There is more going on in life than people acknowledge. These “pranks” are not accidents, nor are they coincidence. They are YOU showing yourself where your genuine, authentic, NATURAL attraction exists. It is you saying to you: “accept who you are and stop judging it as bad. If you must judge it, judge it as good. BECAUSE IT IS!”
You must understand that your intense positive feelings are telling you what you’re doing is VERY GOOD.
And this strong negative feeling…and subsequent action…tells you that your stories about this VERY GOOD THING are inconsistent with your natural, wholesome desires. You know what you want, you know you’ll find joy in it. But your stories born or bogus “values” are keeping you from having it.
Every human being has a number of stories going on at any one time. They simultaneously create their ongoing reality. Take the transgender escort, for example. It is 100 percent certain her stories include “the only men interested in a transgender woman with a penis are faggots” (this is bogus).
She also has stories which create low self worth, insecurity and fear (about meeting someone who will accept her). It also is highly likely she doesn’t like her penis, wants to get rid of it, and is ashamed at having one. This is obvious for several reasons I will not go into in this response.
But you and her are a perfect match because she feels many of the same ways about herself that you feel about yourself, and you feel about her….and vice versa. So you two were a perfect match. Of course you two would meet each other!
You can’t hold on to values contrary to your happiness and be happy.
Any man will find an attractive woman attractive. Including transgender women. The only reason men feel revulsion is when they discover (or know in advance) that that woman either has a penis or once had a penis. They get turned off only because, for them penis = gay.
Should you seek trans women outside the escort world? At this point, I don’t recommend it. Not yet. Before you go outside the escort world, you first have to develop more comfort with who you are and what you like. Otherwise you will meet terrible transgender women.
Keep exploring with escorts. While you do that, seriously consider changing your values. Consider your stories and change them. You must come to the point where you are happy being you. If you don’t do that first, any action you take will connect you with trans women who are exactly like you: insecure, shamed of who they are, angry at men like you (chasers), and therefore your experiences will only inflame your insecurity and shame.
Does this make sense?
Insults from others will disappear once you change your stories about many things you have stories about. Many of those men who ridicule other men who have desires like yours have the same desires. They cover their shame by shaming others.
Your guilt and shame will disappear too when you change your stories.
As for labels, don’t worry about labels. Your question “what’s the sexual orientation of someone that is attracted to women regardless of their genitalia?” Is 100 percent irrelevant.
People use labels to categorize then judge. What are you wanting a label for it? Just know what you like is good and pursuing what you like will create the best life for you. Once you do something about your stories.
Last words: You are on a path. You are discovering an important part of who you are. This path is extremely good for you and for others. This path leads to more happiness for you (and others). Take your time, go slow. Read material on our website and watch our videos. There is a lot of free information that will help you understand who you are, what you’re going through and how to move forward. You are not alone. Many many men are having similar experiences.
Thanks for writing and enjoy your trans-attraction!
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy.
Dear The Transamorous Network,
I’ve been on the site and after I put a reply to the topic of being trans attracted while being married, I looked at some earlier exchanges, most notably from two cisgender women who are wives of men who are trans attracted. Their responses were striking. It made me question my place in this community because I do not share some of the sentiments. Yes, I do have the shared attraction to trans women, however I am not in a situation where my wife doesn’t fulfill my needs. Nor do I compare my wife to trans women. My attraction to trans women is just that, an attraction. I’ve noticed this about myself, however I have no desire to act on it. I also have an attraction to Asian women and have for years, however again, I have no desire to act on that either nor do I compare my wife to Asian women. I do not judge the men who feel differently and I do not consider myself any better than them, but I am beginning to question as to if this is the right community because my opinion on this matter may not be received well. I feel that some may jump to the conclusion that I may be in some moral high ground based in religion, however that couldn’t be farther from the truth because I am an Atheist and proud to be. My opinion about this topic is MY opinion and I wouldn’t want anyone to perceive that everyone should feel the same way. It’s just that I’ve been on the receiving end of comparison by someone that I’ve trust my heart to and it only adds to the self-hatred. So I totally empathize with [The women] from [the comments section] and I feel bad that they are going through what they are describing. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Austin
Dear Austin,
Thanks for your letter/email. Yes, the responses from cis women who discovered their husbands were/are trans attracted are striking. No doubt about that. That said, their comments have nothing to do with or have anything to say about whether or not you have a “place” in the “community” that is The Transamorous Network.
Just because there are divergent opinions doesn’t mean one opinion is better than the other. Nor does it mean that one opinion gets to say whether or not another opinion belongs. You have contributed greatly to the conversation and I would encourage you to continue to do so.
Who cares if somebody jumps to the conclusion that you have some sort of moral high ground? Isn’t that their story? That has nothing to do with whether you actually do or not. Or whether you believe you do or not.
What people are going through is what they’re going through. The women complaining about their husbands likely have a lot more happening than their men being trans-attracted.
What they’re going through is a result of the stories they are telling themselves. Period. There’s no doubt in my mind that both woman knew what they were getting into at some level. It may not have been conscious of it, but they knew. That’s because everyone is a match to whoever they’re meeting. If this weren’t accurate, then what I share with clients would not work.
But what I show my clients does work, 100 percent of the time. So it must be accurate that wives of trans-attracted men, at some level, knew about their husband’s trans attraction.
The fact that they are blaming their husbands just shows how much they continue concealing what they knew from themselves.
Stick around. Or not. Either way do it from an empowered place, not from feeling you must leave because others aren’t happy with what you share.
