TL;DR: The author argues for happiness as the one thing that will give people everything they want. They also describe the origins of All That Is as individual consciousness and encourage trans and trans-attracted people to discover this “truth”.
It seems crazy to say in this divided world we live in, especially when it comes to trans people, but the evidence is overwhelming: The happier we are, the better the world goes.
This is especially true for transgender and trans-attracted people. After all, we came into the world with world-changing intentions. That’s why we come in completely outside the “normal” box: because in our being we offer world transformation.
And when we align with happiness that is our natural state, then not only does our life go well shining like a beacon of how good life can be for others, the world gets bathed in that light as well. As a result, the world changes for the better.
But if we’re poopy about what we see in the world we come into, we just create more of that. Then we start believing all that we see is “true”. And then, we’re in trouble.
Because when we start trading in “true” we’ve lost our way. We came here to shape the future, not create more of what is; more of what is “true”.
We shape the future for ourselves, our friends and family and for the world around us through our happiness. Most people don’t realize that, especially trans and trans-attracted people. It’s why so many of us and other people are mostly unhappy. But when we remember who and what we are, life gets really good.
Let’s take a look today at both how and why happiness is our world-changing super power.
Let’s start with an accurate story
Imagine, if you would, that you have been in existence since the beginning of time. Way, way way back then, nothing existed; only you and potential. So out of that potential you created all that is. And in that bang, you watched things unfold.
As they unfolded, you saw things coming to be. You also saw things going out of being. As those things came and went, you knew there could be more. And so you created more. That “more” human science calls evolution. It’s not that, but whatever.
As more came into being, eventually more and more capable forms of more emerged. That included conscious life. And as that life expanded into more, you noticed something interesting; something invigorating: everything that came after what came before was better.
And those things that preceded the more, as they reemerged into the potential of All That Is, those things returned to their innate oneness of All That Is!
More, more, more…
The more this cycle continued, the more varied life got. And the more varied it got, the more complex things got. Despite all that complexity however, things always became more. And as all that “moreness” happened, you saw that it was all good, because no matter how things turned out, the things, as they turned out, either became more, or they reemerged into the potential of All That Is.
So imagine, now, here you are billions of human years later. All the things that have become more, all the things that have become and returned to potential, and all the things that have happened in that transformation of more becoming more, continues.
How would you feel about all of this happening over billions and billions of years? Would you be unhappy? Of course not. All you could see happening was becoming more, more complex more interesting…more a representative of what you are; an eternal being. And over those billions and billions of years as things worked out, you, yourself, would have become more too. And in that moreness, watching all that more happening, you would become more and more optimistic, more and more surprised.
You would become more and more delighted. And more and more eager. Your eagerness, delight, surprise and optimism would turn to appreciation for all that has come before. And that appreciation would express itself for all that has come and all that is yet to come.
Reveling in your trans/trans-attraction status
Then in your curiosity and joy, you’d want to become part of the moreness. You’d want to participate; see what it’s like in the “first person”. And so you’d put yourself into the process, becoming things, beings and elements that are making the more possible. In that experience, you’d experience terror, joy, pain, loss, happiness, triumph and more. And all the while as you moved in and out of those “first person” experiences, your appreciation would expand. It, those emotions, would become more too.
What do you think that process would evolve to, that emotional process of becoming more? Of course it would evolve into even more powerful emotions: love, being paramount.
That is what you are. You are pure love, experiencing for a brief time, a human experience. You as love energy are wanting to participate eternally in what you got started eons ago. And, as you participate, you want more. You want different experiences than those that came before. You want experiences that haven’t happened before. This is the more you crave.
So it makes sense, from this perspective that you’d come into the world as transgender or trans-attracted; two aspects you perhaps have never experienced before; as expressions of more.
Now, from that eternal perspective, would you be all poopy about being trans? Would you worry about friends or family disowning you or misgendering you? Of course not. Would you worry about people thinking you’re gay because you’re trans-attracted? Would YOU think you’re gay? Nope! You’d relish in your being. You’d be excited about your trans status. Everything you experience as a trans-attracted person would light your fire!
Happy while human
Well dear reader, what you’ve just read is what you are. But you’re only that when you, as the “first person” experiences their life in the same way that eternal being that is you experiences it. You have the option to not experience it that way, because you gave yourself free will. But when you don’t experience it that way, then you feel awful!
That awful feeling is on purpose because you want to feel your eternal knowing. You want to experience your eternal knowing because you know when you do that, you have access to something eminently powerful.
And that eminently powerful thing is that which you are. That’s right, you are the eminently powerful thing. And as that you can create any experience you want, because you’ve created everything else in your experience in your desire for more.
But accessing all the power you are requires you being that powerful thing. You do that by embracing your happiness. Happiness is our super power because when we embrace it and live in it, then we align ourselves with that full-blown powerful being that we are, yes, even while we’re experiencing human life.
So being happy while you’re a human is critical. It literally is the process by which all you want will come to you. This power is not magic though. Something important must be understood to enjoy the power you are. We’ll talk about that next.
Reaching for happiness allows all we want to happen.
It’s where “reality” comes from
Remember: we all come into the world having forgotten. Until we remember, we’re still using all that immense power to create. Everything surrounding us is our creation. That includes family members who refuse to acknowledge you as a woman as well as those who might be really angry if you come out as trans-attracted.
Where else do you think these people come from?
Situations are exactly the same. They reflect the confusion in you. Or they reflect the conflict within you. If you don’t want to be trans, but are, life will reflect that conflict back to you. You’ll attract experiences of people hating or rising up against trans people. Other things might happen too. You might lose your job or feel you must quit. You might even experience physical attacks or be ridiculed while using the women’s bathroom.
How else do you think you’re experiencing these things?
The problem with thinking they are separate from you and happening because there are people in the world who hate what you are is, when you think those thoughts, they run counter to what’s happening. What’s happening is you’re creating these experiences in order to clean up your distorted beliefs. The experiences are true! They are happening! But they don’t have to happen.
They will though and they’ll continue until you accept all that you are and feel appreciation for it.
Physical reality is a reflection of our inner state. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)
A powerful sentence
When you accept all that you are, you’re primed then to come in to appreciation of who you are. Not appreciation for being trans or trans-attracted, although that’s a great first step. I’m talking about appreciating you as cause in the matter; as the originator of all you experience.
It is in that appreciation that you step into your power. After all, the following sentence can be seen as positive or negative:
I create everything I experience!
Most people, especially trans women, see that as a negative sentence. They feel blame in it or that their situation is their fault because of it. That’s because they feel themselves as hapless victims subject to people making laws restricting their rights and freedoms.
People who know what I’m writing about see that sentence in an empowering way. They see the opportunity in it. They realize nothing can happen to them that they don’t create. Then they realize they can create anything they want. And that’s the power of knowing who and what we are as eternal beings.
It’s available right now
There’s no greater power than our happiness. But in order to experience happiness we must first clear out all that creation we’ve created from our disempowered perspective. The one that has us seeing that statement above as an indictment as opposed to the powerful realization it is.
So it takes a while to make permanent the state of happiness I’m writing about. The great thing is, the happiness can come immediately. At first it won’t hang around for long because of bogus beliefs we have cultivated for as long as we’ve been alive. But in time, as we soothe those old beliefs, the happiness hangs around longer and longer.
Then, as that happens, really wonderful life experiences start happening. As I’ve written above, life is a reflection. It reflects back to us, in the form of people, circumstances and events, our inner state. And if our inner state is mainly happy, then our life must reflect that.
And it will.
I write every week about how to cultivate that state of being. I also share examples of clients doing exactly what you’ve read, and producing evidence proving everything you’ve read to themselves. So you don’t have to just take my words for it. Evidence abounds proving what you’ve read is accurate.
So the question is, how long are you going to be unhappy, anxious, and insecure? I would suggest you stop right now. Stop and cultivate your super power: happiness.
TL;DR: The author shares a trans-attracted client’s surprising example to show how astonishing life can be, they say, when one realizes thoughts and beliefs create reality and puts that realization into action.
Massive confusion reigns within the minds of trans-attracted men. Such men struggle with beliefs that torment them. They think they’re gay. Some worry about what their friends and family will say if such people knew about their trans-attraction. Others worry about losing things they need. Their job for example.
So when their life gives them no choice but to accept their trans-attraction, many of these men struggle in confusion. It’s like they feel they have nowhere to turn. It’s no wonder so many are on the down-low. Nor is it a wonder that some think about killing themselves.
Just as many trans women do.
It’s the same matter. Trans women struggle with confusion as well. They too turn to society for validation. It’s why many, many trans women hold up cis women as their ideal of what it means to be a woman.
In other words, trans-attracted men and trans women have so much in common, pairings between the two could provide a nurturing, safe space for both parties. Why they don’t provide that space for one another is no surprise either. Both sides blame one another for their experience.
This story is about a trans-attracted man who also is a Transamorous Network client. It’s about how he’s working through his confusion and struggle. It shows how accurate “you create your reality through the stories you tell” is. It also shows how, when a person learns how they create their reality, then uses that knowledge to their advantage, amazing things happen.
Let’s dive in.
Getting unstuck
Like many clients, this guy once struggled with suicidal thoughts. Those thoughts came from disempowering interpretations of his early life experiences. None of those past experiences were bad. Experience never is. Instead, they revealed to him at an early age that he was not “straight”.
There are not a lot of straight people on the planet. But because of fear of being something other than straight, people pigeon-hole themselves into that label. Trans women do the same thing in seeing themselves as women. They compare themselves to the cis ideal, then demean themselves when they don’t measure up.
For this client, his fear of being gay, and his negative interpretation of what happened in those experiences, built negative momentum within him. This client, who I’ll call John, made all those negative interpretations about himself. As a result, he hated himself. In time, those interpretations became beliefs about himself, which is why he wanted to kill himself.
Wanting to kill one’s self is a natural thing. It happens when someone builds up negative momentum born of negative interpretations that eventually become negative beliefs. Those beliefs then create real world experiences proving them “true”. When that happens, those experiences become more and more one’s reality. This process happens on any subject.
When a person finds themselves stuck in extremely strong, negative beliefs, especially about themselves, wanting to end it all often is the best outcome. Especially if the person can’t find a way out of that torment. And many can’t.
Even so, everyone can get unstuck. They came into human form for a reason. That reason didn’t include checking out early, even though some do. John is someone who found his way out.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves…
Projection is common
Like many people stuck in self-hatred, John projected his self-hatred out into the world. Projection happens a lot in humanity. It makes sense if you think about it. Very few people realize where their external reality comes from. They don’t know the external reality they see comes from their inner state of being. It makes sense then that if a person doesn’t know their external reality springs from their inner state – thoughts and beliefs – then rather than doing something about their thoughts and beliefs, they’ll blame their external reality for their troubles.
That often includes blaming other people. That’s what some trans women are doing when they blame “chasers” for their inability to meet a partner. And it’s what some trans-attracted men do when they say they can’t find a wholesome trans woman.
A trans-attracted man blaming his troubles in finding a trans girlfriend on the fact that “so many trans people are “pros” – meaning sex workers. But his problem is his belief that this belief is true.
But people, like everything else in our lives, are reflections too. Versions of people we meet reflect back to us what’s going on in us. So if we think all men are chasers, for example, we only meet those kinds of men. Men, if you think all trans women are pros, that’s what you’re going to find. Yes, it’s that simple.
The target of John’s projection was cis women. He blamed a lot of what he didn’t like on the fact that cis women wouldn’t give him attention. John didn’t realize cis women spurning him was happening because he spurned himself and because he is trans-attracted and would be better off focusing on trans women. So he blamed cis women for rejecting him.
It’s vibration, momentum and attraction…not effort
While projecting his hatred onto cis women, John also wanted cis women. More directly, he wanted sex. But his trans-attraction caused him to meet cis women who were equally as unsure as he was about what he wanted. John’s trans attraction is a part of what and who he is. Just like a trans woman’s trans-ness is a part of who and what she is.
But he’s confused as to what he really wants. He knows he really, really is drawn to trans women. Because he questions his trans attraction, however, he tries to be with cis women as a way of figuring himself out.
That’s a problem.
John also wants sex. And he’s confused about whether he wants sex with cis women, or sex with trans women, even though he experiences mind-blowing sex with trans women. His desire for sex with a cis woman is a further attempt to convince himself that he’s not trans-attracted.
Of course, cis woman aren’t stupid. But more important, they are as sensitive to vibration as any other person. So when John tries to convince himself he’s straight, by trying to get a cis woman to have sex with, they always can feel John’s inner struggle. Every time he tries to woo cis women’s attention, therefore, they, in his words, reject him. This is why John hates cis women.
It’s even more complicated
The women he approaches are also matches to John’s confusion. And, they are mirrors. They reflect all of John’s self-rejection back to him.
Not realizing all this, John started paying (a lot) for “the art of seduction” coaching. A particularly popular offerer of that content caught his attention. Before long, John was thousands of dollars into this approach.
But it never worked for him. Women kept spurning him.
I tell clients many things over and over. So much so I sound like a broken record, I know. But as one client said recently “sometimes it takes time for what you tell us to move from our heads to our hearts.” I totally get that because I was once in my clients’ shoes. So when you read what you’re about to read, I get that it won’t likely sink in at first. Ready? Here it comes:
Taking action doesn’t make ANYTHING happen. Everything happening is a result of vibration, momentum and attraction.
This explains why John’s indulgence in “seduction coaching” wasn’t working. All the action in the world, all the money in the world, can’t overcome the negative momentum of his persistent negative beliefs. Abraham puts it plainly:
Misogyny: projected self hatred
It’s no wonder then, that John’s inability to get what he wanted through “seduction coaching” deepened his self-hatred. It seemed the more he tried, the worse he got rejected. At his wits end, he discovered The Transamorous Network.
It took a while, but, as a client, John discovered several things about himself. One thing he realized was he had turned into a misogynist. He doesn’t like admitting this, but it’s accurate. In fact, I’d argue most misogynists have some self hatred going on. Just as many, many transphobes have self hatred happening inside them, often because such people are themselves either transgender or trans-attracted. So misogynists project their self hatred onto women in the same way transphobes project their self-hatred onto trans people.
But…that’s another story.
One day, John expressed wanting to try to go out with a cis woman as a way of figuring his way through his confusion. This was after a long period of focusing on other priorities through his client work. I suggested he do so as a way of seeing how he was doing soothing his old beliefs. I told him the woman he would meet would be a perfect match to where he was now in soothing his self hatred. He’d learn a lot too, I told him.
Boy, did he learn a lot!
The woman he met, let’s call her Meg, was quite a bit older. They decided to go on a hike. John was super clear with Meg about his disinterest in dating or even a relationship. He also was up front about his trans attraction, which seemed to not bother Meg. John told her he was exploring and really looking for a casual hook-up. Meg told him she was open to that, but she wasn’t ready just yet.
The hike went well. At the end of the day though, Meg hadn’t contacted John. When John reached out, Meg said in a text that she enjoyed her time with him but didn’t think they were a match.
This sent John into a tail spin. It triggered all his past beliefs about himself and, through projection, about women. Over the next four days, John doubled down on these old beliefs making himself more and more miserable. As far as John was concerned, Meg was, in his words now, a crazy bitch, a cunt and liar and more. All the while John felt more and more unwanted, rejected and miserable.
What John had trouble understanding over those days was the following. John wasn’t miserable because of what Meg did or didn’t do. John was miserable and angry, for sure. But those emotions told John something he really wanted to know. They told him beliefs he held about himself and women are not the same beliefs his Broader Perspective knows about those subjects.
This is an important bit of information and I’ll dive a bit deeper next because it’s important to understand. Knowing this information also helps us appreciate what happened next.
The valuable message of our emotions
Physical reality is, as I wrote above, a reflection. But a lot of people don’t know this. They also don’t know they come equipped with a hugely beneficial tool to help them move through this reflection towards everything they want. That tool is their emotions.
Every human is, of course, more than human. We are all eternal beings. We’re also much more than can fit into a single human body. So when we become human, we put a portion of us into the human body. Meanwhile the vast majority of what we are remains in nonphysical; the place from which we come.
When we sort of split ourselves up like that, that part of us remaining outside our bodies enjoys a birds eye view of our lives. That part of us can see all the choices we might, will and will not make. It sees the alternate probable future realities flowing from all those choices. Yes, even the ones we will not make. All of these futures fulfill our main purpose for being, which is expanding All That Is and ourselves in the process. So our Broader Perspective is keenly, always, seeing what’s happening as uber positive.
It also delights in wherever we are in the moment because it can see how where we are is the perfect place for us at that moment. So it always sees our present moment in the most positive light. When we don’t see our present moment that way, we feel negative emotion.
So emotions help us integrate the part of us in our bodies with the part of us that remains where we come from. I’ll share why that integration is important next.
It’s all about inspired action
Because our Broader Perspective enjoys that birds eye view, and because it knows what we want at all times, it constantly sends us messages – clues or gut feelings – which will lead us to what we want. But to receive those messages, we must open ourselves to perceiving them. We do that by integrating ourselves, matching our perspective of life in our physical bodies to the perspective of our life our Broader Perspective has. Do that and we can “hear” the messages.
Follow the messages and our life unfolds in a seeming magical way. Everything we want comes easily, often with no effort. Remember what you read above about action? Action doesn’t make things happen. What action does do is, when we take it, that action positions us in the reality coordinates of time and space where the final unfolding of what we want appears.
Inspired action is action taken as a result of hearing our Broader Perspective’s messages. When we get a message and we follow it immediately, we rendezvous with a delightful unfolding. But All That Is is always in motion. So if we delay, if we hesitate when we get a message, then we miss the rendezvous. Taking inspired action immediately then, is key.
So emotions are guides. They help us know, at any given moment, how aligned we are with our Broader Perspective. That tells us whether we can hear messages we send ourselves. And, when we hear the message and take the inspired action, we rendezvous with the ongoing Charmed Life I write about here. The life where everything happens with very little effort.
Let’s turn back to John’s story now.
A huge gift given to himself
It took a long time for John to understand what I was telling him when I told him, in response to his vitriol, that Meg was actually an angel he created for himself to see how his beliefs are making himself miserable. That his misery, which is an emotion, was a huge gift he was sending himself.
Can you see how it was a huge gift?
And for sure, Meg was an angel. Another way of putting it is, Meg was a reality John created for himself as a reflection, so that he can be aware of and do something about his beliefs. She was, what we call a cooperative component to John getting what he wants. For he can’t get what he wants if he’s not integrated with his Broader Perspective. And “misery” tells him he’s not integrated!
So his experience with Meg was a huge gift.
As I told him before, Meg was also a perfect match. She was unsure of what she wanted, as much as he was. She reflected his self-rejection back to him by expressing no future interest in him. Again, it wasn’t something John wanted to hear. I’m so glad therefore that the Universe stepped in and offered John an experience that brought that message home.
An astonishing unfolding
John felt a bit better after our talk. It took a while, but we’re all eternal, so how long it takes doesn’t matter. One day he got the inspired action to go to Whole Foods. He didn’t realize this was inspired action though. He just thought he was running an errand. That perspective was about to completely change.
While shopping, a little girl came up to John and, as he describes it, started a delightful conversation with him. John described the experience as “sweet” in a text he sent me just after the encounter.
But what really surprised me was what John texted next. Mind you, he was feeling much better after venting his vitriol at someone (me) who could channel that energy to his benefit rather than amplify it. Here’s his interpretation of that Whole Foods rendezvous:
Isn’t that an astonishing interpretation? Of course, when John shared that he couldn’t help but feel extremely positive emotion about himself, about the girl and about the experience. That’s because this interpretation was spot on. It also was exactly why the Universe brought him and the child together: so that he could further soothe his bogus beliefs. Beliefs about women and about himself.
John said he didn’t have words to express how delightful that experience was. He felt a shift happen in him, something that he hadn’t felt before. And he couldn’t believe it happened the way it did; through an experience with a child.
What happened next surprised John even more.
Dreams are critical
Over the next several nights, John had a series of dreams. These dreams took him to new heights of wonder and amazement.
Dream work is a big part of what I offer clients. That’s because dreams are a big part of life. Ninety-five percent of what’s necessary for us to have what we want happens in nonphysical. “Dream state” is another way of describing nonphysical. When we dream, we leave our bodies in bed. We join all the cooperative components in nonphysical. There we witness and interact with those components as they assemble everything needed — people, events, resources — so our desires unfold.
The reason I include dream work is because conscious awareness of what’s happening when we sleep builds confidence and trust that all we want is happening on our behalf. Conscious awareness of dream activity is also extremely satisfying.
Another reason dream work is important is because it makes us aware that we are far more than our physical bodies. We become acquainted with all the other dimensions, the alternate and probable realities, in which we are active, just as we are active here in this reality.
Acquainting ourselves with our broader activities also lessens our fear of death and increases our belief that we are eternal. So dream work is a critical part of the practice.
John’s crucible
I ask clients that they record their dreams so we can interpret them together. This helps clients become more familiar with the dream world. It also softens their resistance to perceiving dreams.
Everyone dreams, but for important reasons, most people don’t know they dream. Many who do often forget them the moment they wake.
John fits in this category. Even so, he realized over several dreams in the ensuing days that he was sending himself an important message as evidenced in his text:
In our next session John and I marveled over these dreams. They were cluing him in on the process he’s going through, which very much feels to him like a crucible. Interestingly, John had never heard of the word before this. A crucible is something, usually a process something or someone goes through, that includes a severe trial. And through that trial a purification happens.
So John realized these dreams were about soothing himself around the idea that he’s doing the work. Doing the work and benefitting from the work he’s doing. John was stunned in how applicable his dreams were. And he marveled the whole session about how well he was doing.
The unfolding in totality
I would love to end this story here, but that would be disingenuous. For as much as this experience moved John, he’s still struggling with reality as created by him, according to his still dominant negative belief momentum.
To understand what happened next, we have to recap what happened over the week I’m sharing about. John took my advice to test out his current vibrational state on the subject of his self-hatred and projecting that self-hatred onto cis women, by going out with one. That experience matched him with a person perfectly matching his vibration, Meg, who reflected perfectly back to John where he currently is.
John struggled over the next few days, but was able to finally soothe some of his negative momentum on the subject of himself and cis women. Soothing himself, he came into alignment with his Broader Perspective, which nudged him to Whole Foods where he rendezvoused with a fabulous amplification of the ongoing learning, which came in the form of a child.
Meanwhile, John further soothed himself in dreams in which he realized he was moving through a crucible.
But the Universe and his Broader Perspective weren’t done. In the marvelous, astonishing experience with that child, John integrated even more with his Broader Perspective. And so, the Universe brought him another gift.
A sick thrill
As we expand, the Universe will deliver more opportunity to expand even further. This is the never-ending process of expansion for ourselves and All That Is. It can’t be stated strongly enough: this is a NEVER-ENDING PROCESS. It’s that process of never-ending expansion that gives birth to our eternity.
John was in a strong post-expansion state of awareness in his realization of how profound his Whole Foods rendezvous was. So, John, the Universe and his Broader Perspective served up another opportunity for expansion. What that looked like was a surfacing of a series of old beliefs John has which also must be soothed for continued expansion.
These beliefs involved two subjects John has a lot of negative momentum around. One has to do with friends who, in John’s telling “rejected”, “disrespected” and “marginalized” him during what he would say was a time of need in his life. The other has to do with how he felt, again, disrespected, used and marginalized, by a trans woman for whom he has extremely strong positive feelings.
But John didn’t see the surfacing of these beliefs, and their associated negative emotion, as an expansion opportunity. Instead, he let these beliefs trigger even more powerful, negative emotions. Until he found himself in the depths of powerlessness, grief and, again, self-hatred:
John sent the text above two days after the Whole Foods event, the dreams, and after doing exactly what his text described over those two days.
It’s good we’re eternal
Many clients struggle with this. This “you create your reality” business is serious. It can be fun too, thrilling even, when you see everything you want happening with no effort on your part.
But until one builds evidence of that happening, it can be a real slog.
We can’t create a new reality without soothing the reality we’ve created. And if that created reality is extremely negative, then it’s going to take a while to soothe. And, that reality will keep asserting itself, not as punishment, but because of momentum. Which is why it’s a good idea to see it reasserting itself as a positive thing.
This is another reason why it’s a good thing we’re eternal. There’s no rush to John soothing his hold momentum, wherein he’s numbing himself and feeling suicidal. He has all of eternity to do it. And he is doing it.
The empowering news is, he’s the only one who can do it. No one else will or can stand in his way and prevent the work from happening. No one but him. For just as he’s the only one who can do it, he’s also the only one who can keep himself from doing it. That applies to every client. It also applies to every person.
No one prevents any of us from having what we want. We all do that to ourselves. That’s why it’s so important to get that our reality springs from our thoughts and beliefs. Armed with that knowledge, we can create any reality we want. Everyone can. Even trans and trans-attracted people.
TL;DR: The author shares what happened when a trans woman invited them to test drive her new vaginoplasty. What they found and what they recommend may surprise some and confirm others’ opinion about what sex with a post-op trans woman is like.
What it is like to be inside a post-op trans woman’s vagina? What does it feel like? Is the medical miracle comparable to the real thing?
Not long ago, I got answers via an unexpected late-night invitation: a trans woman I know traveled to Thailand for her “bottom surgery”, recovered, and now wanted feedback on her new nether regions. She wanted me to take a test drive.
I was willing, if she was willing to take the feedback (and some other things) for what it was: my honest, unvarnished opinion. It was a hook up, no doubt, not something I do lightly or even frequently. But Jane, let’s call her, is a familiar person and I wanted to help. She’s also smart, kind, politically active, young and pretty. In the least, we’d have good conversation as always. So I jumped in a Lyft and headed to Southeast Portland.
I’m writing this for you guys interested in trans women who may not have had sex yet with one, or maybe have, but with a pre-op trans woman. Or maybe you have had sex with a post-op trans woman. If you have, I’d love to hear your experience.
First, upfront disclosure: I prefer pre-op trans women for obvious reasons. Before you girls start hating, realize this is MY preference. It’s way more than about the plumbing alone and if you don’t like it or understand it, go after what you want rather than railing against me. I know my preference is natural. Yours are too. So go for what you want and leave mine alone. 😊
I didn’t realize Jane had a vagina until after my Lyft had long ago dropped me at my destination and departed towards its next fare. I sat there across from Jane on a tan couch positioned oddly in the center of her apartment, amid boxes, panties, cat litter and other assorted strewables. The place looked like two airlines crashed in her apartment spewing passengers’ private things wall-to-wall. Shit was everywhere…except maybe where it should have been.
Jane offered a good excuse: She’s packing for a cross-town move. Why she thought about getting vaginal feedback now crossed my mind later, long after the test drive. But in the moment…well, let’s just say I was focused on more important things.
The point being, $35 into a $60 round trip Lyft fare, it was too late by the time she told me she had a vagina to decline the offer. Not that I would have had she told me ahead of time.
I’m not a hypocrite, so being where I am in my own development stemming from practicing what I preach at The Transamorous Network, I had no expectations what Jane’s booty call would include. She simply asked “want to come over and have sex with me?” That was it.
I had no idea what Jane had in her pants either. I knew from lengthly conversations that she saw herself “as a woman”. My awareness extended only that far. Besides, I know plenty of trans women who see themselves as women, but have penises.
As I said, Jane also is pretty, smart and fun to be around. So I didn’t mind if nothing happened, if she had a cock or something else. No specifics significantly registered. I only thought it would be nice to see her, sex or no sex.
After acknowledging this was a booty call and with small talk catchup behind us, the night got more…interesting. A fairly rigorous conversation followed about “the act”: her desires, how she liked it, what she was into, etc.
I made sure everything about to happen was consensual, without making it weird, even though I thought about whipping out my iPhone and recording us both acknowledging a consensual pairing.
Most of our pre-foreplay intellectual banter concerned Jane’s preoccupation with my pre-op preference.
Like some trans girls, Jane is hyper-sensitive over men who prefer pre-op trans women. I get that sensitivity. While some men can and probably do get off being objectified — by trans women and others — sometimes for their endowments, their six pack, or money, for example, most trans women I know aren’t too keen on a guy liking them only for what they’re packing.
Some men do objectify pre-op trans women. But most of the men I work with through The Transamorous Network want something more than sex with trans women. They’re rational enough in their desires though to know what they like, and I encourage self-love, honesty and integrity in all my clients.
Desires, I tell them, are to be fulfilled. So long as my clients tell stories consistent with what they want, what they want will fulfill themselves. Same with trans women and their desires. Planet Earth contains enough time and space for everyone’s desire. One needn’t criticize what another wants just because one doesn’t want that.
If a trans woman doesn’t want to be objectified for having a penis, she won’t so long as she tells stories consistent with what she wants (being seen for all she is) instead of what she doesn’t want (being seen only as having a penis).
So trans women: Go get what you want. Leave others to their desires.
By the time we talked through Jane’s triggered story about my preference (which was irrelevant) sex was a foregone conclusion. No one was backing out, neither Jane, nor I, nor my curiosity, nor her feedback desires.
I had never been with a post-op trans woman. This would be an interesting anthropological adventure! What happened next was….
I should also add here that I’ve led a robust sex life, filled with many, many women, some men, trans people (yes, trans men too) and other more advant garde experiences I needn’t share. The point is, I’ve been around body parts. Including LOTS of vaginas.
I also have a fair understanding about how doctors perform the delicate surgical origamic alchemy transmogrifying a penis into a vagina. It’s a medical miracle, frankly, that it functions at all.
I’ve heard second hand from trans women that their artificial vag works just great, so well these coital doppelgängers work, men can’t tell the difference they say.
Yet never had I heard men describe their experience being in one. This was my first-person opening, a slot inviting my entry, so to speak. So, with relish, I took my shirt off. Then my pants…
Looking back I’d say it was what I thought it might be. Our pairing carried a tone more clinical than amorous. Imagine having sex with someone knowing researchers watched through a two-way mirror you knew was a two-way mirror. Or you had sex with a fellow researcher, while each of you remained mostly in clinical mindsets while fucking…
Going with that clinical vibe, here’s what I observed:
As much as a trans woman might say it is, it isn’t. Once inside, even with lube, it felt like a crevice designed with no thought as to the shape of a penis. It felt as though someone opened a hole in a body, but didn’t bother to contour it in a way to make it vaginal-like.
Unlike a vagina, no fleshy folds awaited inside to coddle me to orgasm. Instead it felt like rubbing against exactly what it was: epidermis. Not only was it too shallow and thus most unwelcoming for my length, it also featured insufficient diameter. Even with lube it felt the whole affair would rip my penis skin off, like the skin of a grape, were any intensity applied.
As we both undulated ourselves while in the act, I felt an uncomfortable hardness. No, it wasn’t my erect penis, rather it was a bone… I mused as to whether that was Jane’s pelvic bone, which made being inside her an uncomfortable experience in addition to feeling near flayed.
Also unlike a vagina, there appeared to be two bulbous, fleshy forms just above and inside the “vaginal” canal, only slightly protruding, like a tiny prolapsed anus. It felt exactly like a little penis peeking out of a cave. When Jane came, I felt ejaculate shoot from between those fleshy forms, much like ejaculate from an erect penis.
Speaking of penises, somewhere in my pelvis lies a muscle. When flexed, my erect penis, rises and falls without manual assistance. I don’t know whether a vaginoplasty, the medical term for “turning a penis into a vagina”, includes dismantling that muscle.
In Jane’s case, whenever she moved her hips as though to thrust, I felt the two fleshy forms aforementioned move…not vaginal like, but like a penis. That movement and the discharge gave me the distinct impression that, despite its transformation, and no matter how emasculated it may have become, a penis was, in fact, still present and accounted for, but now literally hood-winked into appearing as a vagina.
Finding my way around the vaginal exterior confounded me as well. It resembled no vagina I’m familiar with. I couldn’t find the clear and pleasantly erect, welcoming clitoris typically shrouded in its fleshy hood near the vaginal apex, even when Jane insisted it was there and vigorously played herself to orgasm.
Despite our mutual arousal the whole time, the experience was less than satisfactory.
I shared my thoughts in detail with Jane afterwards in candid, no uncertain terms. Not surprisingly, she took it in stride, listened intently while taking mental notes. She thanked me for the honesty and said other men she’s been with said it was just like a vagina. I don’t know these men, so I can’t speculate at all about their prior experiences. I only speak from mine.
I know trans women don’t get vaginoplasty, vulvoplasty, SRS, or “bottom surgery” – whatever you want to call it – for the pleasure and satisfaction of the men. I presume the main reason some (not all) trans women go to such lengths is so their exterior decor matches their interior identity blueprint. They want to look how they feel…to them, most of all. They want to look in the mirror and see only that which matches how they feel. Many feel strong rejection of their penis.
I get that.
My opinion and experience therefore doesn’t matter as far as trans women go. If a trans woman wants such a procedure, I say whatever makes you happy. Maybe somewhere on the list for such women, a future partner’s experience counts. Maybe not.
Still, the following might be helpful.
One of my former clients, a senior medical professional who runs a major health organization, is familiar with vaginoplasty and vulvoplasty procedures. When I described my experience my client said my observations were “clinically and anatomically spot on”.
“It’s extremely difficult,” my client said. “To create something where there is nothing. Most literature in the field says results are marginal and often dissatisfying” in both form and function. He continued by saying invariably partners don’t experience satisfaction with such procedures and that it is routine that subjects return for repeated modifications.
“This is a major procedure and in my opinion not worth the risk and expense because once done, no matter how unsatisfied, it can’t be reversed. And at this point, the results are not satisfactory,” He added.
We both agreed over the reasons, the stories, which drive some trans women to seek a visage matching their ideals. So my client says such trans women should seek the most capable provider possible, with no concern for expense, so they are happy with the outcome. Even then, he says, they may have unsatisfactory results.
I have a hard time believing guys, especially those with ample vaginal experience, would find such a surrogate satisfactory, let alone pleasurable. My client, with medical experience agrees: “Any man who has had sex with cis-women will know right away what they’ve entered is not a vagina.”
I asked him whether there are skeletal differences between men and women in the pelvic area, explaining my experience with what I thought was Jane’s pelvic bone.
“Indeed,” He said. “The female pelvic arch, where the genitals are, is wider and higher than the male pelvis. So it’s highly likely you were grinding against her “male” pelvic bone while trying to find the right angle inside her “vagina”.”
The subpubic angle is the angle produced by the inferior rami of the pubis, which creates the pubic arch. In women, the subpubic angle will generally be equal to or greater than 80 degrees (obtuse), which is similar to the shape of the letter “L”. In men, the pubic arch is narrower, creating a subpubic angle that is usually less than or equal to 70 degrees (acute), making it a similar angle to an upside down “V.”
That upside down V was exactly what I bumped up against. Here, look at this drawing for clarification, which also comes form registerednursern.com.
Take note of differences in pelvic arch location and shape between a male pelvis (left) and female pelvis (right). The male pelvis arch is lower AND far more narrower, meaning, you’re going to hit it while fucking. Especially during missionary style. Photo: registerednursern.com.
“We’re just not at the point where that kind of surgery can produce convincing results,” My client said. “And it’s highly unlikely we’ll be able to create from scratch a faithful replica to what it feels like entering a vagina.”
I remember one day, decades ago, accepting a quite young trans man’s invitation to hook up, before Craigslist kiboshed its personals section. When I arrived at a St.Johns apartment, a beautiful, pierced young person with a full face of stubble welcomed me. When he took off his clothes, he had had not a stitch of surgery. Everything “girl” remained untouched. Beauty rivaling Venus stood before me. Venus with a beard and short hair.
As I feast my young eyes upon them, pang of sorrow accompanied my awe. I knew some day this guy would likely go under the knife, irreparably altering what I experienced as a perfect human specimen.
And yet, beauty IS in each beholder’s eye. What must be done must be.
I’m glad I had this experience with Jane, even though what she has holds no candle to a natural vagina. Not in my opinion anyway. Guys: Whatever you call it, this procedure has a long way to go. Natural vaginas, as yet, have no rivals. If a vagina is what you want, stick to cis-women.
I know my experience is but one data point, with a doctor’s endorsement of sorts. Still, I hope what I experienced was not state of the art. If so, it’s not worth the money in my opinion, and the state of the art is…disappointing.
I’m glad I prefer, and get the opportunity to enjoy, penis-equipped women, who are, like me, happy with what they have. If you like what I like, I assure you there are at least as many women out there who want to keep their penis, as there are numbers of us willing to go to bed with and love out loud penis-equipped women. Go for what you want.
Don’t worry about people condemning your preference. Your preference isn’t theirs so their opinion doesn’t matter. Let no one talk you into compromising. Especially rants from trans women. They don’t know you. They aren’t you. You are you, be that.
And for those girls who feel they must get bottom surgery: you go for what you want too. But please don’t let impatience or economics lead you towards regret. What I’ve found is the doppelgänger turned out to be a poorly-conceived and executed facsimile. My advice for men again: if you want a vagina-equipped woman, the cis-variety is the best bet.
TL;DR: The author tells how they created an intimate encounter with a beautiful Mexican transgender woman solely through their thoughts and beliefs. Then they encourage everyone to learn how to deliberately create their own dating reality thereby experiencing a life where all they want is theirs.
So why was I on one? Because a client was using one I hadn’t been familiar with. I wanted to see what it was like. I wanted to see what it was like so I could relate to his experience.
But it was terrible. I’m not going to go into why it was terrible. Instead, I’m going to pivot right here and share why I’m writing this post. I’m writing this post because of something that happened with me this past week. What happened shows why I don’t encourage clients to use dating websites. Again, they’re terrible, costly and don’t work for most people.
Instead, I encourage people to use their stories to create their love lives. Doing so aligns one with the infinite resources of the Universe. It’s way more fun, completely free and, if one is patient, one can experience the surprising and delightful way in which the Universe fulfills any desire.
This past week that happened to me. And that’s what this post is about.
Let’s dive in.
Ten years in the making
This story will sound unbelievable. But every time the universe makes something happen in the way it does, it seems unbelievable. That’s because most of us don’t believe the Universe is intelligent, conscious and aware. They also don’t believe the Universe listens to and answers/delivers on every want. And, because most don’t believe these things, they don’t see the Universe doing these things all the time.
I see them though. I see them because I believe it. And that’s why I can share this absolutely true story.
The story starts more than 10 years ago. That’s right, it’s a long story. All the ways in which the Universe fulfills our desires usually takes a while. It can actually take only a few days. But we humans introduce things that delay results. Usually we do that through disbelief. Sometimes we do that through beliefs that counter what we want. For example, we may believe we don’t deserve what we want. Or we might believe someone else has what we want, thus blocking us from getting it. There are many stories – beliefs – we tell ourselves that delay, sometimes permanently, what we want.
I’ve soothed many of those stories, which is why what happened happened. The soothing is why it took 10 years.
What happened was an absolutely gorgeous, smart, wonderful, trans woman reached out to me for a bootie call. I’ll call her Selma. Now Selma happened to be a trans woman I interviewed on the The Transamorous Network Podcast. Back then, more than 10 years ago, I thought she was so hot. But I am also an ethical person. So I wasn’t going to come on to a podcast guest. That’s just not me.
What I did do back then though was lightly think about what it would be like to be with her…
The Universe makes it happen
But I didn’t fixate on that. I just figured back then that it was just a nice fantasy to think about…and…maybe jerk off over…
And this is how the Universe delivers our desires. Life experience brings to our awareness situations we like or don’t like. From there, we know what we want. And so does the Universe. The moment we know what we want, the Universe and all its resources goes to work. It begins assembling conditions, people and resources to make that want pop into our lives.
Receiving the full blown version of that desire requires us becoming a match to it. I write every week about how that happens, so I won’t go into it in this post. Today, I’m sharing this amazing story as proof of what being a match looks like, then what happens next.
So every experience we have helps us know what we want. The Universe takes that and instantly makes a version of that desire available. When we become a match to that experience, it becomes our experience. That’s what happened over 10 years with Selma. It wasn’t that it took 10 years for the resources to come together. That happened instantly. But it took 10 years for me to become a match to it.
What took so long? I’ll briefly talk about that next.
The Universe is your artistic co-creator. What are you going to create? (Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash)
It begins with a bootie call
For one, I was married. That marriage had a lot of stuff happening in it. Second, as I wrote above, my ethics wouldn’t allow it. “Ethics”, of course, are a set of beliefs. Those beliefs ran counter to being a match to “being with Selma”.
Then I got into a whole bunch of other circumstances that had me focused on other things. Things that distracted me belief-wise from Selma.
Recently, however, like in the last two years, Selma came back into my awareness. That return had me begin to turn the corner belief-wise. My marriage was over. Those distractions were largely gone and I cultivated other thoughts which had me become more and more of a match to Selma.
It was no wonder then that this past summer, seemingly out of the blue, Selma reached out for a bootie call. Getting her message was a TOTAL surprise as all “manifestations” usually are. That’s because we usually can’t tell when we’ve become a match to something we want. So when we are, and it happens, it comes as a surprise.
I would have jumped on that bootie call opportunity…if I had seen the text in time. Selma is from Mexico. She’s a beautiful, indigenous, brown-skinned-black-haired-gorgeous-smile bombshell. And, she was heading south of the border for a couple months. By the time I saw her message she had already gone.
I sent her a message assuring her that, had I seen it, I would have invited her over. And I felt a little bummed about this because I really wanted to see her! Knowing what I know, however, about “beliefs create reality”, instead of staying bummed, I imagined her being here, at my apartment, in my bed, us both enjoying ourselves intwined in our arms and legs.
That felt great.
Now’s a great time to introduce some advanced information about how to create reality, especially people. It’s important to understand this, or at least have it in your awareness, dear reader, as we move through this story.
We create everything…and everyone
Each one of us lives in a reality all alone. That’s right. No one else exists in our reality but us. Every thing in our experience is a reflection of our beliefs, our ideas we hold in our heads. Every person we see is an extension, a reflection, of our beliefs too. When it comes to people, those people reflect our thoughts and beliefs about the people we see.
That means we are ongoingly creating versions of people we experience.
Now here’s the cool thing: The people we see are not the same people those people are experiencing. In other words, say we see John the policeman over there. We are creating a version of John the policeman, in our reality, at that moment. But John, over there in his reality, is creating a totally different version of himself than we are. That version of him reflects his thoughts and beliefs about himself, just as our version of him reflects our thoughts and beliefs about the police, people and John, specifically. Yes, this is true even if we think we don’t know “John”.
So you can see there’s a lot of overlapping creating happening. That’s pretty cool that we experience so many creations. But what is really cool is, this means we can create any versions of people we want!
It’s because I know this that I knew I could create a version of Selma that would wind up in bed with me. I knew a match to that creation already existed in Selma’s version of herself: she reached out for a bootie call. So already we were in the vicinity of being a match. All there was for me to do was amplify that match rather than amplify the opposite of that.
And that’s exactly what I did.
Well, not exactly…
Creation confusion
After that missed connection, I tried communicating with her often, but she hardly replied. She, like me, considers herself a free spirit. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship. After reaching out to her from time to time, and getting no reply, I started thinking I was bothering her. Of course, that caused my version of her to ignore my texts even more.
My thought “I’m bothering her” created a version of her that acted bothered: She wouldn’t reply, or she’d be off line every time I looked to see if she responded. I’m sure you can see similar behavior in yourself, dear reader. We think we’re being harmless by constantly checking to see if the person we’re interested in gets our message or replies.
But we’re not being harmless. We’re actually creating a reality. In that reality we’re creating a version of the person we’re interested in that doesn’t respond to us. How? By focusing on the absence of communication from that person!
Now, I found out later that she really did want to come over when she came back from Mexico. She also wondered why I hadn’t reached out to her more. But I didn’t know that when all this was happening. And yes, this again shows how we create different versions of people. Even different versions from the version that very person is creating of themself!
Here Selma was saying she was interested in wanting to get together. But she was waiting on me. And here I was creating a version of her matched to my disempowering belief: that I was bothering her.
None of the above I knew was happening until after we ended up in my bed together. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Giving it all up
Selma came back to the US in September and I immediately reached out to tell her I was still game for a hook up. She didn’t respond. And I let myself get even more poopy about that.
In time, I soothed that resistance, and, as a result, in a couple weeks, she reached out.
This was on Sept 26. She texted to tell me she’d be in my area and that we could meet. Interestingly, where she was going was about a block or two from where I lived. And she didn’t even know where I lived! I was stoked.
A couple hours later, however, she texted again. Selma said the meeting she was having got cancelled! This time, though, I didn’t have a negative reaction. Instead, I just let it roll off my back. Later, I reached out some more to try to coax her over. That caused her to distance herself even more. And the lack of response had me feel doubtful again about us meeting. That doubt felt increasingly awful.
That’s when I decided I need to use the “you create your reality” approach better. After all, I know this approach. Why the hell was I creating something I didn’t want? Why not, instead, create what I did want? So I did exactly that: I completely forgot about Selma.
Before, I responded to everything she posted on FB. So I stopped doing that. I responded to all her posts on Instagram too. I stopped that also. Even thinking about her was something I quit doing. I put her completely out of my mind, which, of course, soothed resistance I was building up, inherent in the intention of “trying to get her in my bed”, which was really creating the outcome “she’s not in my bed”.
I’ll explain why next.
Not thinking about it is key
I say this a lot to clients and also include it in a lot in my writings. You can’t think about the absence of something and create the presence of it. In other words, we must think about having what we want, not not having it. This is something easily confused. Many think they’re thinking the former instead of the latter.
If I’m thinking “I so want Selma in my bed” I’m focused on her NOT being in my bed, which is what I’m actually creating. And that is what I’m going to get. That’s because the Universe isn’t listening to the words we’re thinking or saying. Instead, it’s listening to our vibration: what we’re focused on. And if we’re feeling yearning or strong desire for something, we’re not focused on having that thing. We’re focused on the absence of it.
To get this point across, I often ask clients what it feels like to have something they currently have. Usually they answer by saying something like “I don’t think about it” or “I feel really glad I have it”. Well, that’s what it feels like to manifest what we want. It must feel like we have it, meaning we don’t think about it, or we feel glad we have it. If we’re feeling yearning, or hoping or needing, we’re not focused on having it. Nor do we feel glad.
So while thinking “I want her to come over” I’m focusing on “she’s not here”. And that’s what I was getting: a version of Selma that wasn’t showing up. That’s the momentum I wanted to soothe. And that’s why I stopped thinking about her.
It all comes together
The last contact I had from her was Sept 26. Three weeks later, at 1 p.m. Selma texted: “What are you up to today?”.
Now I would say that came out of the blue, but I KNEW THIS WAS THE MANIFESTATION I WAS WANTING. I told her I was completely open. But I didn’t get all excited about it. I remained indifferent in my focus. I held the feeling of having what I wanted, which is, not thinking about it. Then, at 4 p.m., she texted again. She was headed over!
The next few things that happened proved this was divine orchestration.
I really wanted to go get groceries. So I told her that’s what I was going to do and left. I don’t have a car, so it takes a while to run such an errand. There was a chance she would get to my apartment early, not wait, and bail. But I didn’t entertain any of that kind of thought. I just knew everything would work out.
I walked to the grocery (it’s about 1.5 miles away), then, coming home, I see Selma driving around the corner! Perfect timing I thought!
She looked radiant of course. Selma sees me and gives me that beautiful smile of hers. Then she tells me she can’t find a street side parking spot. I told her She looked amazing and pointed out how perfect it was that she arrived exactly when I got back to my apartment. Selma agreed.
I told her to drive around the block and that I’d see her in front of my building. When I walked around to my building, right in front of the building entrance, was a guy pulling out of a spot. Rock Star Parking! I texted Selma to let her know and, of course, she got that parking space.
Selma got out, we hugged and went upstairs….and after a lovely conversation of an hour or more, we ended up right where I visualized us: in my bed, intwined in our arms and legs!
You create your reality
What happened here? What happened was a beautiful orchestration. An orchestration the Universe performed on my behalf. It was an orchestration I kicked off by expressing my desire, then tuning myself so that I became a match to it.
I’m telling you there’s nothing better than seeing the Universe doing this for me over and over again. It delivers everything I want with no effort on my part other than thinking in a particular way.
Now, I’m no special snowflake. Everyone has this ability. Everyone, you included, can create any reality they want. They can also create any version of any person they want. All it takes is getting one’s stories right on the subject of that person.
Well, that’s not all it takes. It also takes belief. And that’s where most people fail. If you don’t believe any of this is possible, if you think this story was just a bunch of coincidence, “circular logic” or “wishful thinking” then those beliefs put the kibosh on your ability to create your reality.
You still create your reality. You just don’t do it deliberately. So you get some of what you want and some of what you don’t. I prefer a life where everything I want comes to me easily.
TL;DR: The author recounts their spiritual journey as an explanation for why they know what they know is an accurate description of how the Universe works, while comparing their experience to the lack of experience of their critics.
Last week’s post struck a nerve among my trans readers, causing some people to block me. Others claimed I was dangerous, “a moron” and more. That’s interesting.
It’s interesting because none of these people have any experience with what I know.
One trans person wrote me a while ago. She had some solo experience with this “you create your reality” business. She even produced evidence proving it worked for her. But because she didn’t have a tutor who knew what they were doing, she missed the evidence and thus concluded the “business” doesn’t work.
At least she tried.
Everyone else, especially those who got triggered by my last post, have no idea what they’re talking about when they lambast what I know. They’re literally sharing ignorant views.
In this post, I’m going to lay out how I know what I know, how it came to be and why I’m so sure what I know is accurate.
Unless someone has done what I’ve done, they are coming at understanding the nature of the Universe fully uninformed. After reading this you’ll understand why I can say that with such certainty. And why I know, absolutely, that what I know is accurate.
Where to begin
I could start with how I came into the world. But that would make this post too long. Suffice it to say I knew something about what was happening here well before my birth. It wasn’t until after a stint in Christianity, a decade as a Buddhist scholar, and four years as an esoteric martial artist that I really came into my own. It’s at that point I’d like to begin my explanation. That’s when things really got undeniably clear something was happening that was not of this world.
All my life I dabbled in books about this “you create your reality” business. So something obviously resonated in me about this knowledge, something beyond the major religions. Two authors stood out. Eckart Tolle and a woman named Esther Hicks. Again, many others came before these two, but these two really got the ball rolling.
In one of his books, Tolle expresses a skeptic’s view of his teachings. He takes on the role of a doubter asking “what evidence do you have that this is all real?” In reply he says “you want evidence? Be the evidence you want to see.”
I took that answer to heart.
After all, I already had a feeling that physical reality was 100 percent subjective. I also knew at the time that science wasn’t telling the whole story (now I know it can’t possibly do that and for very good reasons). So I decided I would take Tolle’s advice and become the evidence I wanted to see.
It’s too bad more of my trans readers won’t take that advice. If they did, they’d find themselves far less abrasive about what they know so little about.
It started not-good-seeming
I, on the other hand, dove in. I upped my meditation game and started thinking more positive thoughts. Taking Tolle’s advice further, I focused more and more “in the now” and left the future and the past alone. My life did start improving. But not by much. Not at first.
Little did I know then, a person first starting out must clear away negative momentum born of negative beliefs before they can enjoy really obvious evidence things are turning. I should add that that clearing away process IS evidence. But most of my clients have a hard time seeing that as positive. That’s because that clearing can feel awful.
That was my experience too. I created a lot of negative manifestations, including quitting my job out of fear and losing my home. But looking back, I’m glad I traded all that for the life I’m living now. Letting those things go was more than worth it.
In my “clearing away negative momentum” stage, however, I inadvertently added more negative momentum to my path. A lot more. I chose to become an entrepreneur. That had me confronting even more negative beliefs. I blew through all my savings, and then added even more negative momentum by creating a company with the intention of “ending capitalism”.
And while that had a positive ring to it, it wasn’t aligned with my Broader Perspective knowledge about what’s happening on this planet. The more I focused on that business, the more crazy/interesting things happened. And it was right about this time that I encountered Esther Hicks.
When the student is ready…
Back then the idea that people could “channel” spirits, filled me with skepticism. But my Broader Perspective wasn’t going to let that keep me off this path. So when I took a business trip to Chico California to promote my business idea, I met a man. He was so impressed with what I was doing that he gifted me Esther’s book “Ask and It is Given”.
I knew about Law of Attraction back then, but thought it a little too woo for me. Still, I accepted the gift and when I read it, it resonated strongly. I guess I was ready for its contents.
So much so, I plunged headlong into it. It was through that book that I got introduced to Seth. That took me on a long detour. Seth’s material really resonated with me. Especially the analytical, detail-oriented part of me. I ended up reading every book Seth and their channeler, Jane Roberts wrote. The more I read, the more educated I got. And the more intrigued I got. When Seth said “you create your reality” I wanted to know how and how I could do it deliberately.
I’ve written this over and over too: When a person hears that they create their reality, if they’re not in a good place, then what they’ll hear is that phrase blaming them or making them at fault for their life. They won’t hear the empowering message contained in that phrase. IT’S AN EMPOWERING MESSAGE.
But if a person has lived a mediocre, unsatisfying or victimized life, one born of their distorted beliefs, all they’ll hear is “I’m being blamed for something I can’t control.” Little do they know it’s that belief that is the basis of the reality they’re experiencing.
My experience was different. I guess I was ready.
Drawn to the work
When I read “you create your reality”, that filled me with curiosity. That curiosity had me read every Seth book. Seth focuses on dreams, detailed explanations of the totality of All That Is, how All That Is happens and our role in all that. It’s extremely dense reading. He also focuses a lot on extreme detail of how things go from vibration to physical reality. Again, it’s heady stuff. And the fact that it’s coming from a disembodied, nonphysical being, adds more hard-to-believe-ness to it.
But Seth subtly includes instruction in his writings the reader can put to use to prove what they’re reading. When they do, the proof is near immediate. The reader must know where to look to see the proof, however. If they don’t know where to look, they’ll miss it. And Seth doesn’t say where to look.
I think that’s because of the collective unfolding represented by the continuity of information Seth and Abraham offer. Seth lays out the practical nuts and bolts, but Abraham offers broad strokes as to how those nuts and bolts assemble in to a cohesive process, culminating in direct instructions for how to deliberately create reality. Abraham’s messages are more pedestrian where Seth’s could be described as “academic”, or even “scholarly”.
A portion of my complete Seth Library
It’s no wonder I was drawn to Seth’s work first. And Seth’s work prepared me deeply to integrate what I was about to discover with Abraham’s assistance.
By the way, this is why it’s crucial explorers of this material explore with help from someone who knows what they’re doing. Not only is it hard to see evidence in the beginning, it’s really easy to get off track by coming to distorted conclusions, or having strong reactions to the teachings.
Seth: My first teacher
For example, the material offers explanations for how we each exist in our own separate reality, apart from every other being. But reality looks like that’s not true. The material also asserts that we invite every experience into our lives, including those humans might describe as tragic, even horrifying.
Reading such assertions can and usually does have people react with revulsion. Many of my clients are examples. They ask “if this is true, how can a baby invite experiencing being sexually molested? How do people create experiences where they die horrible deaths, end up homeless or addicted to drugs?”
It’s beyond the scope of this post for me to answer those questions. Suffice it to say those questions are easily answered. But as Abraham says many times “words don’t teach. Life experience teaches.” What they mean is as one moves down the path of self-discovery, their life will provide these answers in undeniable terms, not in words, but in experiences the discoverer can’t deny. And when that happens, those experiences are deeply convincing. So convincing they are, the discoverer becomes convinced. They know. Like I do.
Abraham making it plain.
Reading all of Seth’s material filled me with wonder, but it also stoked a fire within me. A lot of this I already knew. It was as though I was remembering what I forgot when I chose to come into physical reality. A powerful education was taking place. I was the student and Seth was my teacher.
And that education brought me right back to Esther and her book Ask and It is Given.
Getting ready again
But again, I faced skepticism. I wanted to believe what Esther, and Abraham, the being speaking through Esther, claimed in the book. But at the time I had a hard time getting over my resistant belief that “channeling” was fake.
Unlike many readers who spout their uninformed opinion when they read what I assert, I decided I was going to get evidence proving “channeling” was fake, or that it was real. This was part of me “being the evidence I wanted to see”.
I get most people may be too busy to take time to do what I did, but I put a high priority on all this. That’s because I knew if this stuff was true, it would mean a radically different life was available to me and I wanted that. I was open to it being real, but I also was skeptical, even as I signed up for my first Abraham seminar in San Diego, Calif.
My approach to becoming the evidence was very serious and deliberate. I wanted to give it my all, which is what I encourage clients do too. I flew to San Diego and stayed in a quiet place where I could focus. There, a day before the event, I calmed myself. I also focused on three things I wanted to know, three things I figured only Infinite Intelligence would know. Abraham refers to themselves as Infinite Intelligence. Since I was going to meet Infinite Intelligence, I probably should have some profound questions…
My first direct with Infinite Intelligence contact begins
An Abraham seminar typically happens in a large hotel meeting room. They also happen aboard cruise ships. The events are packed with rows of chairs and usually accommodate 1500 people or more. These events are always packed with no chair left empty.
Abraham seminar auditorium from the July 20, 2024 event. This is only one half of the room.
That first Abraham seminar was more than 10 years ago. I woke very early the morning of and meditated for an hour. I wanted to be in a strong vibrational focus so I could present the best possible evidence to myself.
At the event, I sat in the front row. I wanted a good view of what happened so I could see it all. As people filed in and took their seats, I didn’t notice anything special. No mystical buzzing filled the room. Only people who were excited to be there. Some even knew each other. Obviously, some of these people had been to previous events and some even traveled around groupie-style from event to event.
Honestly, I was a bit put off by all the positive energy, which I think a lot of people would be. It was very New Age feeling.
But what happened over the next four hours turned that “put off” feeling into being totally “turned on”.
The Hot Seat
During an Abraham seminar, Esther first comes onto the stage. She greets attendees from the stage and offers preliminary information about how the day will go. Event’s are typically three hours with a break or two in the middle somewhere. After that, Esther calms herself and allows Abraham to take her over, so to speak. She recedes into the background of her consciousness and Abraham moves into the foreground.
Abraham and Esther have a strong connection. It’s highly likely Abraham is part of Esther’s Broader Perspective. What I discovered through what happened over the next several years is that Abraham is part of my Broader Perspective too. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
So this seminar got under way and part way through the first half, I noticed something strange. Once it commences, Abraham looks out into the crowd and selects individuals. Those individuals come on stage and sit in what’s called the Hot Seat. It’s a chair on stage equipped with a microphone. There the person can ask Abraham anything they’d like. Abraham answers the question while also using it as a jumping off point to offer other information. Information pertinent to others in the room.
People therefore raise their hands in hopes of getting called to the Hot Seat. Of course, there’s only so many people that can sit in the Hot Seat in a three-hour period. Abraham can’t call everyone up. What I observed therefore, was even more strange.
It happened
What I observed was, each person who followed the person before them asked questions that were perfect segues from what the person before asked. I can’t recall examples, this was over a decade ago. Back then, however, I sat in amazement in that first hour. After the break, the second hour went the same. And, the people chosen in the first hour had obviously been in the Hot Seat before. Several of them mentioned it being their second and third time being called across many events.
The neat way in which Abraham called people to the state, with each person’s questions perfectly dovetailing with the previous person’s, pushed my “bullshit” button. Something was up, I thought. Now mind you, I wanted to get on stage too. So while my BS meter had gone off, the pattern seemed to heighten my desire to get on stage. But something happened in me that had me doubt being able to get up there.
Logic told me the only way this dovetailing thing could happen was if Esther had planted or preselected people invited to the stage. That’s the only thing that could explain it, at least to me. The more I watched as the day unfolded, the more skeptical I got. And the more doubtful I got that Abraham would call me. But my desire to get on stage must have overwhelmed my skepticism. And what was to unfold that is my life now crucially depended on what happened next. I know Abraham knew this. Because what happened next was a total surprise.
Abraham asked what was next. Time was running out in the seminar. I raised my hand and Abraham said, “come on up” while pointing directly at me.
Reservation for my first Abraham event in San Diego.
It begins, and begins again, and again
Abraham called me as the last person. My questions were so profound, and so personal, I understood immediately why they called me last. My questions were the perfect conclusion to the entire day.
But them calling me last also showed me my logical conclusions were all wrong. After all, there’s no way I was a plant. I didn’t even know Esther and she or a member of her team didn’t approach me. I got no pre-event questionnaire to give my questions ahead of time. No one knew what I was going to ask but me….and Abraham apparently.
Sitting in the Hot Seat, my skepticism vanished. The experience also blew away my logical conclusions. Something more was afoot here. Something deeper. I got my questions answered in the perfect way. And I left the seminar astounded.
That was just the beginning.
Over the next four years I attended one seminar each year. In the next, seminar, held in Portland where I live, Abraham called me somewhere in the middle of the day. In the following seminar, again in Portland, they called me again, this time closer to the beginning of the event. The same thing happened in the third seminar I attended. During a break, an old friend I recognized came up to me.
She asked “do you always get in the Hot Seat?”
“Apparently so,” I shrugged. I was as surprised as she was.
Each time my confidence in their teachings grew. I started listening to everything I could from them on YouTube. Their messages generally, and their personal messages to me specifically, resonated so strongly with everything I already knew, particularly from Seth.
It all affected me profoundly.
Me in the Hot Seat.
Doubling down
So much so in between these seminars I totally changed the way I lived. I had become the evidence I wanted to see by challenging myself to become that evidence. I wanted evidence and I got it. Got smacked in the kisser with it. And the more I tried living by what Abraham suggested, while also putting Seth’s guidance to practice, the better my life got and the more evidence I got.
I doubled down then on what I knew and what I was learning. I became an “Abra-hamster” as people who follow Abraham call themselves. For me, Abraham and Seth represented the pinnacle of knowledge about how the Universe works. Their collective explanations were without peer in my opinion. Again, I didn’t just accept what they said and wrote. I put it into practice. And when I did, what they said would happen happened.
Little did I know that as I doubled down Abraham and Seth were clearly paying attention to my commitment. They were pulling something together they knew would be the perfect response to my commitment, an unfolding that would solidify my knowing and complete my understanding of how the Universe works, who and what I am, and how to communicate that to others.
That which they were orchestrating started with the next Abraham seminar I attended. Nothing like it had ever happened before, according to Esther and Abraham. Never in the history of the work Esther does with Abraham had this kind of thing happened, they told me. And it happened because of what I was doing….or rather what I was being: eager to align with all that I am.
I meet my lineage and expand into my knowing
The next seminar I attended happened again in Portland. It began as they usually do, with Esther coming onto the stage and getting the event started. However, this time, when Abraham came forward, they didn’t start the event as they usually do.
Usually, they’ll speak for the first 20 minutes about some things to warm the audience up. They’ll then look out into the crowd, say something funny like, “You’re all here ready for trouble”, then pick someone to come to the Hot Seat.
This time, they didn’t do that.
They came forward through Esther and spent perhaps half the usual time prepping. While doing so, they kept looking directly at me again and again. At the first break, people I know in the audience came up to me. They noticed too that Abraham kept looking directly at me. So I wasn’t hallucinating or anything like that. The moment they finished their shortened introduction, Abraham said “Let’s begin here” and while saying that pointed straight at me.
I took my place in the Hot Seat. Typically individual Hot Seat experiences range from 10 to about 15 minutes. But this time, I sat there, the first one called, for a full 30 minutes! Again, this had never happened before. When I returned to my seat in the audience I was floating in my body. I thought back through all the seminars, all the reading I had done, the wondrous experiences I had had across all these years and knew this was a special moment.
But Abraham had just gotten started.
It gets way better
At the end of every seminar, Abraham has some closing words. Then, they recede into Esther and Esther returns to the foreground of her consciousness. She’s always ecstatic in response to the time spent in the seminar, expresses how much she loves everyone, says goodbye and heads off stage, off the side of the stage and through the background curtains.
That’s not what happened this time. This time, she said her goodbyes and instead of leaving through the background curtains, Esther, stepped down the front stairs of the stage, walked over to where I stood and ripped my name tag off my shirt. She put her hand on the back of my head and pulled my ear to her mouth. There she told me something I will not share. But suffice it to say it was ASTOUNDING.
A few days later, I got a call. It was Esther. She invited me to a personal 1:1 conversation with Abraham, which began over text message and moved to a phone call. Then, over the next 10 weeks, me, Esther and Abraham enjoyed personal sessions where I could ask anything I wanted. Abraham also taught me everything they could about how the Universe works, humanity’s role in all that, my role in all that, and about my lineage, which includes Abraham and Seth.
They then laid out how my life would go from there if I follow through with the commitment I made to myself, which, ultimately was something, according to them, I had committed to before I came into a physical body. They gave me all of this at no cost.
Recordings making up my library of 1:1 sessions with Abraham and Esther.
My direct experience
Nearly everything they told me in those 10 weeks has happened. Some things haven’t yet, but definite signs of their emergence are there. Everything can’t have happened already, because my life is still ongoing. But so much has already happened, I know the others things will too.
And this is why I know what I know, I say and write what I say and write and how I know what I say and write is 100 percent accurate. I consider Seth and Abraham not only my lineage, but part of my Broader Perspective, that part of me that continues guiding and assisting me in this life and the other lives I live as part of All That Is.
So when people call me a moron, or think I offer “dangerous nonsense”, I know they don’t know anything about what they’re talking about. When they say this stuff is pseudoscience I know they have done nothing to become the evidence.
This is why too when I ask such people “What have you done to prove it is, for example, dangerous nonsense, and under whose tutelage did you try to prove it?” I get crickets in return. Because such people are talking with no direct experience with All That Is or with Infinite Intelligence.
I have direct experience with both. And my life and my clients’ lives are unfolding accordingly. In other words, our lives are all improving. Because what I describe in my writings is exactly how the Universe works.
This explains why I say people claiming it’s dangerous nonsense, or that it’s gibberish or gobbledygook, literally have no idea what they’re talking about. Because they literally don’t.
