Tips For Finding Love And Acceptance In The Trans Community. Starting With The Men.
Our latest guest, Anita Noelle Green, offers men who are attracted to trans women good advice: get over your shame, date us in public and treat us like women. Good advice! Our full two-part interview with Anita Noelle Green is coming soon. Be sure to subscribe and hit the bell to get notified! And follow The Transamorous Network wherever you are on social media!
In only six sessions learning the The Transamorous Network match-making approach, a client of ours created the perfect relationship with his ideal transgender partner.
In this post and the next, I’ll dissect what happened. This is how it can happen for anyone. In the next post, I’ll detail what happened next.
Joe (not his real name), contacted The Transamorous Network through our free 1:1 offer. Like many clients, he desperately wants a relationship with a transgender woman. Desperation is not a great place from which to meet someone.
But it is a great place to examine your stories. And how your reality reflects back to you stories you’re telling.
Information Joe got from the free 1:1 convinced him our match-making service worth the money. So he became a member.
• • •
The first few sessions involved exploring stories producing behaviors he didn’t like. He frequents working girls (both trans and cis) late at night or in early morning dark hours. Like many trans-attracted men.
Some of these girls were/are drug-addicted. Others treated him like shit. Others treated him nicely. He has a mix of experiences reflecting his mix of stories about relationships and life, and women too. Both transgender and cisgender.
We explored how his stories create these experiences. Joe realized stories he didn’t know he had. Stories triggering desperation he felt about finding a partner. The same stories creating his experiences with women, including the kinds of women he met.
Desperation isn’t new to Joe. Some times in his life desperation (and the associated emotion “pain”) got so intense he contemplated suicide. Alongside relationship desperation, Joe also feels desperation about his life, his job and about himself. Stories triggering these feelings include one common to A LOT of people. Especially trans-attracted people. That story is “I’m not worthy of having what I want.”
• • •
We know at The Transamorous Network stories run deep. They connect with other stories, creating “belief constellations” or “story complexes” weaving through and shaping life experience.
It wasn’t surprising then when I found through our next sessions that Joe’s mother herself was and may still be drug addicted. She also had a working girl past.
No one comes into life experiences that are “too much to handle”. Everyone chooses the experience they get before they get it. Hardly anyone understands this.
At The Transamorous Network, we help people understand why and how that is. Then we show them how to use that awareness to get joy and satisfaction from life and relationships. The same joy and satisfaction they knew they would get when they chose human life experience.
Our stories create our reality. This includes stories we tell before becoming human. These stories set up birth circumstances. Yes, that includes being trans and trans-attracted. It also includes the parents we choose.
I explained why a person like Joe would come into the world through a parent who has sex work and drug addiction as part of her life experience. I described how those experiences create momentum. And how that momentum creates the reality he has. It wasn’t an easy conversation. But Joe got it.
We always say when you pull at one story, many others get uncovered. By our fifth session, Joe realized more long-running stories. Stories about his unworthiness as a person. Stories about how the transwomen he wants won’t accept him for who he is and what he has (and doesn’t have). Stories about feeling stuck in his job. Feeling shame about where he is in life.
In other words, stories a lot of humanity secretly shares. Stories you probably share.
What’s great about this work is, once stories get uncovered, sometimes they start resolving on their own. They kind of lose their grip when exposed to the light of conscious awareness. Automatically, again in some cases, new stories get born from that exposure. Those new stories can create explosive positive results.
That’s what happened to Joe.
• • •
Before our sixth session, Joe texted me. He said he needed to cancel our meeting. I asked why. He explained he met a transgender woman, was going on a daytime date with her and was excited about the potential. A daytime date was unusual for Joe. As I said, he typically meets transgender women at night.
“Yes I’m actually hanging out with a new trans woman friend of mine,” he said via text. “We met Tuesday and hung out a couple of times and have been talking since. I like her a lot. She’s treats me well.”
I wasn’t surprised by this. This is how things work when someone starts seriously looking at their stories. But I was also concerned about Joe.
That’s because Joe got results we promise. But he doesn’t know something important. His old stories are still active in his life experience. So it’s a sure bet this transgender woman he met has her own stories. Stories matching Joe’s stories. Stories she may not be aware of.
So I clued him in:
Joe responded that he already has been seeing some of those signs. That’s why, he wrote, “I’m working to be the best version of myself. The work that you and I are doing is working!!! 😀”
Joe said when they first talked, they realized they both needed each other.
“I know the Universe orchestrated our meeting,” he wrote. “I was finishing up at a warehouse where I picked up a load and she was finishing work around the same time and we were really near one another….”
Joe added that he already can see how his stories about transgender women have changed because, he said, “along with being very kind and cool person, she has a good job, makes good money and has a nice place in a nice neighborhood.”
Indeed.
We know our approach is out of the box. That’s why we guarantee our results. Joe’s example is normal. Anyone can meet their match and enjoy a relationship that works for them. It just takes changing your stories so that you can meet the person you want. The person who is waiting for you. Your perfect match.
**Trigger concepts in this post. If you’re easily triggered about certain transgender topics, you might want to read this post first.**
If you’re a transgender woman and you’re suffering some situation, or a transamorous man living a life of shame, lying to loved ones, including yourself, about who you are, it may be hard to hear that your suffering is optional.
As soon as you become aware of your origins and your choices, your options become literally infinite, including the option of bidding adieu to suffering.
How can that be?
It all lies in how we got here, why you’re transgender. Why I’m transamorous.
Here’s how science describes how cis people become cis:
“Embryos start to become male or female at about six to eight weeks. At that time, those with an active gene called SRY, most often found on the Y chromosome, starts to produce the male sex hormone, testosterone. Without the flood of the hormone, embryos remain female. With testosterone, masculinisation begins. It is the fork in the road that shapes a person’s anatomy and physiology, and potentially their behaviour.”
Notice that science presupposes no “existence condition” prior to the embryonic state. Science usually leaves that condition to religion or spirituality. Pity. Because that’s where things get really interesting.
(All of the following can be verified by you with a little focus and effort.)
There has to be (and there is) an existence condition prior to being formed as an embryo. Random chance of you being transgender or transamorous doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. It seems much more logical, from where I’m standing, that we set up the conditions which are our physical life, including how that embryo forms into who we ultimately, biologically, become. And we do this in this existence condition which precedes embryonic formation.
This doesn’t have to negate our freedom-to-choose if we freely choose our circumstances, prior to living them. I mean, isn’t that logical?
If in that existence condition before birth, we were free to set up whatever life circumstances we want, then it makes sense we also have freedom once we get here, bounded only by the circumstances we have set up, doesn’t it? And wouldn’t that freedom include being free of suffering?
By now your stories may be kicking into high gear. If you’re anti-judeo-christian, for example, you might have two story constellations, tightly related: Those stories making up “judeo-christian belief” – the Bible, what your parents told you, what church told you – and all those stories you’ve made up about “belief” or “faith” that perhaps has you no longer believing in those religious stories.
I’m not saying the judeo-christian stories are right. An atheist or agnostic could be equally resisting what I’m writing here. Stories are stories. They are living things and defend themselves. Are your stories rising up right now to defend their territory (your life view)?
Can suffering be optional?
What I am saying is, you are more free than you think. Even if you are in a situation that seems so bleak, you couldn’t possibly have wanted to experience it, you can find yourself in a far better place, and from there, you can change those circumstances. For good.
Next time, I offer reasons why you might have wanted to come into the world as transgender and why I wanted to come into the world transamorous.
Let’s presume you’re a transperson, trans attracted person or a sympathizer or ‘ally’. Why on earth would you willingly choose to be born as something seen by the mainstream as such an affront that the chances of you being killed (in the case of a trans person) or at least ridiculed (in the other cases)?
Lady Gaga says we are all “born this way.” Ok, but why?
Why were so many people born black in the slavery days, jews during the holocaust, or residents of Hiroshima or Nagasaki on those fateful days in WWII? How about the people born to live in Syria or Iraq? Why would someone be “born this way” only to become a murder victim?
Is it all random?
Really?
I don’t think so. And I don’t think science is going to be much help.
Science admittedly doesn’t know the answer to the question “where does transgender come from?” Hell, they’re still trying to figure out how “boys” and “girls” happen. And so long as it denies existence of a condition requiring no-time and no-space, I don’t think it’s gonna find it.
I believe “transgender” comes from the same place “transamorous” comes from: That no-time and no-space state we all come from. Religion calls this state “heaven”. I have had a long-running beef with this concept, but now I can see why religion calls it that (in various permutations). It is, indeed, a state of pure positivity, where all things are known and possible and All Things are eternal. But it’s not a white robes and harps kind of place.
How do I know? I’ll get to that.
Words come with so much baggage, it’s challenging to talk about our origins. “Heaven” comes with so much baggage, it makes understanding where transgender and transamorous originate a sticky topic. Especially when, supposedly, the “boss” in heaven, according to some people, abhors what transpeople are.
So I prefer a less-loaded phrase such as “Infinite Intelligence”, “All That Is”, or “Source” to describe our origins. These words tend to come with less past meaning.
What if there were very good reasons for why people come into the world and face such seeming horrendous experiences. What if there were very good reasons why you came into the world as transgender or transamorous? That’s what I’m going to explore over the next series of short, pithy posts.
Stay tuned.