transamory - The Transamorous Network

December 17, 2024November 17, 2024

Why Happiness Is Our World Changing Super Power

TL;DR: The author argues for happiness as the one thing that will give people everything they want. They also describe the origins of All That Is as individual consciousness and encourage trans and trans-attracted people to discover this “truth”.

It seems crazy to say in this divided world we live in, especially when it comes to trans people, but the evidence is overwhelming: The happier we are, the better the world goes.

This is especially true for transgender and trans-attracted people. After all, we came into the world with world-changing intentions. That’s why we come in completely outside the “normal” box: because in our being we offer world transformation.

And when we align with happiness that is our natural state, then not only does our life go well shining like a beacon of how good life can be for others, the world gets bathed in that light as well. As a result, the world changes for the better.

But if we’re poopy about what we see in the world we come into, we just create more of that. Then we start believing all that we see is “true”. And then, we’re in trouble.

Because when we start trading in “true” we’ve lost our way. We came here to shape the future, not create more of what is; more of what is “true”.

We shape the future for ourselves, our friends and family and for the world around us through our happiness. Most people don’t realize that, especially trans and trans-attracted people. It’s why so many of us and other people are mostly unhappy. But when we remember who and what we are, life gets really good.

Let’s take a look today at both how and why happiness is our world-changing super power.

Let’s start with an accurate story

Imagine, if you would, that you have been in existence since the beginning of time. Way, way way back then, nothing existed; only you and potential. So out of that potential you created all that is. And in that bang, you watched things unfold.

As they unfolded, you saw things coming to be. You also saw things going out of being. As those things came and went, you knew there could be more. And so you created more. That “more” human science calls evolution. It’s not that, but whatever.

As more came into being, eventually more and more capable forms of more emerged. That included conscious life. And as that life expanded into more, you noticed something interesting; something invigorating: everything that came after what came before was better.

And those things that preceded the more, as they reemerged into the potential of All That Is, those things returned to their innate oneness of All That Is!

More, more, more…

The more this cycle continued, the more varied life got. And the more varied it got, the more complex things got. Despite all that complexity however, things always became more. And as all that “moreness” happened, you saw that it was all good, because no matter how things turned out, the things, as they turned out, either became more, or they reemerged into the potential of All That Is.

So imagine, now, here you are billions of human years later. All the things that have become more, all the things that have become and returned to potential, and all the things that have happened in that transformation of more becoming more, continues.

How would you feel about all of this happening over billions and billions of years? Would you be unhappy? Of course not. All you could see happening was becoming more, more complex more interesting…more a representative of what you are; an eternal being. And over those billions and billions of years as things worked out, you, yourself, would have become more too. And in that moreness, watching all that more happening, you would become more and more optimistic, more and more surprised.

You would become more and more delighted. And more and more eager. Your eagerness, delight, surprise and optimism would turn to appreciation for all that has come before. And that appreciation would express itself for all that has come and all that is yet to come.

Reveling in your trans/trans-attraction status

Then in your curiosity and joy, you’d want to become part of the moreness. You’d want to participate; see what it’s like in the “first person”. And so you’d put yourself into the process, becoming things, beings and elements that are making the more possible. In that experience, you’d experience terror, joy, pain, loss, happiness, triumph and more. And all the while as you moved in and out of those “first person” experiences, your appreciation would expand. It, those emotions, would become more too.

What do you think that process would evolve to, that emotional process of becoming more? Of course it would evolve into even more powerful emotions: love, being paramount.

That is what you are. You are pure love, experiencing for a brief time, a human experience. You as love energy are wanting to participate eternally in what you got started eons ago. And, as you participate, you want more. You want different experiences than those that came before. You want experiences that haven’t happened before. This is the more you crave.

So it makes sense, from this perspective that you’d come into the world as transgender or trans-attracted; two aspects you perhaps have never experienced before; as expressions of more.

Now, from that eternal perspective, would you be all poopy about being trans? Would you worry about friends or family disowning you or misgendering you? Of course not. Would you worry about people thinking you’re gay because you’re trans-attracted? Would YOU think you’re gay? Nope! You’d relish in your being. You’d be excited about your trans status. Everything you experience as a trans-attracted person would light your fire!

Happy while human

Well dear reader, what you’ve just read is what you are. But you’re only that when you, as the “first person” experiences their life in the same way that eternal being that is you experiences it. You have the option to not experience it that way, because you gave yourself free will. But when you don’t experience it that way, then you feel awful!

That awful feeling is on purpose because you want to feel your eternal knowing. You want to experience your eternal knowing because you know when you do that, you have access to something eminently powerful.

And that eminently powerful thing is that which you are. That’s right, you are the eminently powerful thing. And as that you can create any experience you want, because you’ve created everything else in your experience in your desire for more.

But accessing all the power you are requires you being that powerful thing. You do that by embracing your happiness. Happiness is our super power because when we embrace it and live in it, then we align ourselves with that full-blown powerful being that we are, yes, even while we’re experiencing human life.

So being happy while you’re a human is critical. It literally is the process by which all you want will come to you. This power is not magic though. Something important must be understood to enjoy the power you are. We’ll talk about that next.

Reaching for happiness allows all we want to happen.

It’s where “reality” comes from

Remember: we all come into the world having forgotten. Until we remember, we’re still using all that immense power to create. Everything surrounding us is our creation. That includes family members who refuse to acknowledge you as a woman as well as those who might be really angry if you come out as trans-attracted.

Where else do you think these people come from?

Situations are exactly the same. They reflect the confusion in you. Or they reflect the conflict within you. If you don’t want to be trans, but are, life will reflect that conflict back to you. You’ll attract experiences of people hating or rising up against trans people. Other things might happen too. You might lose your job or feel you must quit. You might even experience physical attacks or be ridiculed while using the women’s bathroom.

How else do you think you’re experiencing these things?

The problem with thinking they are separate from you and happening because there are people in the world who hate what you are is, when you think those thoughts, they run counter to what’s happening. What’s happening is you’re creating these experiences in order to clean up your distorted beliefs. The experiences are true! They are happening! But they don’t have to happen.

They will though and they’ll continue until you accept all that you are and feel appreciation for it.

Physical reality is a reflection of our inner state. (Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash)

A powerful sentence

When you accept all that you are, you’re primed then to come in to appreciation of who you are. Not appreciation for being trans or trans-attracted, although that’s a great first step. I’m talking about appreciating you as cause in the matter; as the originator of all you experience.

It is in that appreciation that you step into your power. After all, the following sentence can be seen as positive or negative:

I create everything I experience!

Most people, especially trans women, see that as a negative sentence. They feel blame in it or that their situation is their fault because of it. That’s because they feel themselves as hapless victims subject to people making laws restricting their rights and freedoms.

People who know what I’m writing about see that sentence in an empowering way. They see the opportunity in it. They realize nothing can happen to them that they don’t create. Then they realize they can create anything they want. And that’s the power of knowing who and what we are as eternal beings.

It’s available right now

There’s no greater power than our happiness. But in order to experience happiness we must first clear out all that creation we’ve created from our disempowered perspective. The one that has us seeing that statement above as an indictment as opposed to the powerful realization it is.

So it takes a while to make permanent the state of happiness I’m writing about. The great thing is, the happiness can come immediately. At first it won’t hang around for long because of bogus beliefs we have cultivated for as long as we’ve been alive. But in time, as we soothe those old beliefs, the happiness hangs around longer and longer.

Then, as that happens, really wonderful life experiences start happening. As I’ve written above, life is a reflection. It reflects back to us, in the form of people, circumstances and events, our inner state. And if our inner state is mainly happy, then our life must reflect that.

And it will.

I write every week about how to cultivate that state of being. I also share examples of clients doing exactly what you’ve read, and producing evidence proving everything you’ve read to themselves. So you don’t have to just take my words for it. Evidence abounds proving what you’ve read is accurate.

So the question is, how long are you going to be unhappy, anxious, and insecure? I would suggest you stop right now. Stop and cultivate your super power: happiness.

September 14, 2021August 14, 2021

The Maddening Catch-22 Of Transgender Love

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:

Dear TTN,

I accept the fact that I am attracted to trans women.

One thing that has stopped me for a while is when I see posts of [transgender] activists such as Serena Daniari or others that complain about men that like trans women.

She is very intelligent. She seems the type of trans woman I would date in terms of intelligence, attractiveness, and the fact that she is at a similar level both in career and studies. It’s just an example, I obviously don’t plan on dating her.

The common thing I see from transgender women on social media is this: they keep complaining about men liking them for their penis or not caring about other parts of them, or liking them due to being trans or being secretive about them.

I have contacted lots of them to encourage them. I shared my admiration for them, for what they do, their journey, etc. Sometimes I ask their advice on dating properly with trans women, how to be respectful or how to navigate things appropriately.

Do you know how many of them replied? Zero. And minutes and days later they keep posting complaining about men. They express disgust, say we like them for the wrong reasons or complaining about people misgendering them.

This shocks me because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame.

Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then, the icing on the cake is, then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.

It’s very frustrating because you see intelligent, educated, attractive trans women with good careers, and in some way role models that want to help other trans women have easier lives, not being able to date with men that could love them due to solely their mindset and what they want to see.

And with their posts on the topic they amplify the false story that there’s no men out here that want to date trans women who sees them as equals which can cause other trans women that follow them to adopt that vision.

It would be great if bridges could be created with those activists, to help them see that this is not the case. And to help spread the healthy image of relationships between trans women and cis men. Although I am not sure if they are ready to accept that and want to keep at that world perspective that nearly everyone is either against them or wants them for DL sex. I tried explaining but they just ignore me.

What do you think can be done about that?

I would like to date a trans woman like them but I feel I would just get called chaser due to their beliefs. I am not sure if in my country there’s women like them though.

Living in Spain

Dear Living in Spain,

Bridging isn’t necessary. We do not build bridges with transgender women activists who tell stories you talk about. Good reasons support our position. Perhaps you’ll agree with some, since you know stories’ role in shaping people’s experience.

For one, intelligence and career/professional success get trumped by stories every time. You see this in the responses you’re (not) getting and in what these women use their intelligence/success to amplify. A lot of these women’s success depends largely on them amplifying stories their followers/audiences share. Especially so on social media. I’m sure know the popular Upton Sinclair quote:

For a trans woman who’s success (and ongoing income) depends on ongoing and increasing followership through social media, offering opinions contrary to the majority of what that followership believes isn’t in her best interest.

Doing so won’t increase her success or income. It likely will do the opposite. So her vested financial interest is – keep doing what she’s doing (and saying). Which means repeating what her audience believes.

Secondly, many set their own agenda at completely cross-purposes with our agenda. Hypothetical example: a successful transgender woman “activist” moved through sex work on her way to her success. While experiencing very “low level” trans-attracted/chaser men, she developed extremely bitterness-triggering negative stories about men. She told them for a long time, shared them with friends, and got a LOT of agreement/validation of her experiences through her rise on social media.

The momentum of those stories will keep her in that bitterness long after attaining success. The only one who can change that momentum: her. But she must be willing to do that. First, she must know that she tells such stories, and she must understand what’s available in changing them. That alone represents a tall order.

For most such women, that level of self-awareness doesn’t exist. Some barely even register their stories! It’s all happening in them on auto-pilot!

So were we to try changing their mind, it would just cause their stories to “dig in” deeper. We know this from personal experience.

Self-loathing in a pretty, intelligent, successful shell

Another reason we won’t waste our time trying to convince activists otherwise is because a lot of their frustration, anger and revulsion at trans-attracted men is about their own lack of self-worth, insecurity and self-loathing.

Think about it. Many, many transgender women (and we’ve talked with a lot) go through years, sometimes decades HATING what they are. Especially hating body parts they interpret as reminding them who they aren’t.

So when a guy offers his natural acceptance and appreciation of a trans woman for all they are (penis included) doesn’t it seem natural that trans woman who hates parts of herself will react vehemently towards someone who wants them – in part – for the part(s) they hate?

Just because someone is intelligent and successful doesn’t mean they come equipped with introspection and self-awareness/knowledge. Sometimes the most intelligent and successful are the ones with the least self-awareness! And the most self-loathing…

And once they remove the offending part, they now must contend with the fact that they find themselves in a kind of no-man’s land: on the one hand, some men don’t want them because they aren’t “really” women. On the other, those who do want them, they say, want them for what they no longer have. we’re speaking from their perspective of their stories.

The thing is, it’s fine to want intelligence and success. But first on your list should be a story match. The only way to do that is by first entertaining stories you want in a partner. Everything else follows that.

The catch 22 of trans-attraction

You’re absolutely right, and, while being right you affirm the next reason why we won’t bridge with activists. You write: “because it’s as if they just have a filter that selects the wrong stories and they decide to pay attention to them. And then they just picture people like us as disgusting or DL. Which just creates more shame. Because on one side they ignore us when we properly talk to them as other humans, but at the same time they talk about us as chasers and disgusting people they generalize on. And then the icing on the cake is then they complain about being single and not finding someone that loves them as another human.”

This is the crux of the dilemma for both sides. Once you have a story set, or what we call a “belief constellation”, in place, it’s very difficult dislodging yourself so you can see outside that story set. The struggle trans-attracted men have is exactly what you say: society generally shames us, and the very women we are attracted to do too. So we end up self-shaming, self-loathing and in that blame transgender women for our predicament. But for every person struggling, the struggle is self-inflicted. There are no victims.

Yes, trans women do all this complaining, all the while complaining about being single. But think about stories and realities they create. Of course a trans woman who has such stories will end up single…or with a woman. No one can create around their beliefs (stories). That’s why we ONLY work with men and trans women who are willing to examine their beliefs and stories and change them.

So these (and many more) are reasons why we don’t put any time trying to build bridges. With activists or any other trans or trans-attracted person ignorant about what creates their reality, there’s no bridge to be built that will effectively span the chasm created by bogus stories.

Here’s the good news:

There are more trans women out there than you think you know. Many of them don’t have that superficial success depending on constant story agreement. Many exceed your success and intelligence – no offense. And besides, assuming you’re monogamous you only need one! That’s easy to get!

But think about this now: Your email arrived PACKED with as many stories about those women, stories not dissimilar from stories these women have about you. So you’re kinda in the same boat, aren’t you? Rather than trying to reach these “activist” women, who you see as successful and thus prime candidates for your attention and affection, why not instead change YOUR stories, and thereby your attention, to those transgender women who are out there who already meet you on the story level, profession level and success level? They are out there, but, just like you say about Serena, you can’t see them if you keep going after girls like Serena then complaining when they ignore you.

Here’s something else to consider. And we’re just casually sharing here. Isn’t it obvious from your observation and experience that intelligence and career success aren’t enough to find a match? We agree with you, there are many very successful transgender women out there. More than you know, we promise.

But no amount of intelligence/career success will overcome stories you keep telling, or they keep telling, that keep you from being a match. In fact, intelligence and success, as you saw, often hinder one’s ability to see different perspectives. The very perspectives that can bring them everything they want.

You don’t need activists. The Transamorous Network doesn’t either. If you want to enjoy fulfilling, happy cis-trans relationships, or just one, attend to your stories first. Then, armed with better-feeling stories, relax and watch as your reality changes to match your new level of story creation.

TTN

August 31, 2021July 30, 2021

A Trans-attracted Man Shares His Powerful Freedom

We love it when a transamorous man publicly declares his love of transgender women. That’s our goal at The Transamorous Network: inspiring more men along their trans-chaser-to-transamory journey to drop their shame and publicly own how amazing being transamorous is.

Case in point: Corey Delano.

While many battled fear and insecurity around COVID-19 in the last 18 months, Corey decided sharing his love of transgender women felt right. So not only did the highly-certified technician do so, he did it grandly…on YouTube.

Having posted 10 months ago, Corey’s video racked up almost 100,000 views so far. And while almost 100,000 doesn’t make his video “viral”, as far as we’re concerned, that’s a healthy viewership for the trans/trans-attracted community.

Corey’s straightforwardness endears him to his viewers. He makes no bones about his attraction, even when acknowledging he may get negative responses.

“I don’t care what the general population things about me.” He says.

When I sifted through the video’s over 2,000 comments (in 10 months!), most seemed quite supportive. The video garnered over 16K thumbs up compared to a measly 158 thumbs down. An impressive ratio.

We want to amplify Corey’s message because it bears repeating.

No shame, just glory

Corey’s message: no shame exists in your trans-attraction. It’s natural and wholesome.

We’ll add: the only reason you feel shame about your trans-attraction owes itself to what you bring to it in your thoughts.

Shame tells trans-attracted men what they’re thinking about their natural attraction doesn’t line up with what they really know at the core of who they are. When a guy tells stories like “my friends will ridicule me”, or, “I’ll lose my job”, or, “Am I gay?” when feeling arousal over transgender women, of course they’ll feel shame.

They’ll also feel embarrassment, insecurity, fear, judgement…and many other emotions. All these emotions tell the thinker, what they’re thinking is bogus.

Our clients discover freedom from all these negative emotions once they start telling positive stories about their attractions. Such freedom not only makes finding wholesome, strong, lovely transgender women possible. It also turns every other aspect of life in better directions.

That’s why our clients report specific and general improvements in their lives. They also find more empowerment and happiness.

Listen how Corey’s confidence, honesty and certainty comes through along with the words he’s sharing. It’s the message we share too.

We’re eager to see more men like Corey come forward.

August 24, 2021July 18, 2021

The Great Good Of Consistent, Happy Dating Stories

We say over and over that stories create reality. Especially in dating or trying to find a date, a partner, a lover or whatever. Here at The Transamorous Network we know this as a kind of “law”. There’s no getting around it.

Recently, a client saw first hand how her stories created an embarrassing experience. In the same experience though, came illumination. For in the experience she saw with stark clarity how her stories create what she experiences.

The great good in that was now she knows consistent, happy stories will create consistent happy dates.

This client, let’s call her “Stacy”, is transgender. While Stacy wants love, she can’t make up her mind right now about many things she wants in a relationship.

Your stories bring their own clarity

Stacy prefers men. Polyamory allures her too. But when potential partners sharing that lifestyle talk about their other partners, Stacy feels insecure and jealous. She also remains unsure about what she likes in bed. And she’s not sure she wants bottom surgery.

Men she’s found represent wide varieties of tastes and flavors. She enjoys smart ones. Funny ones, men who know what they want and clearly express that attract her too. But she doesn’t like excessively forward men or men who want only sex.

The men showing up in your life show up because of stories you tell about men. Same goes for you men who want to be with a transgender woman. (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

One night Stacy got a shocking, combined sample of all these stories. She met a man who ticked many of Stacy’s boxes. As a result, when he asked her to meet him late one night, she agreed.

This guy was in an “open” relationship. Not quite a poly relationship, he and his female partner agreed they’d enjoy sex with others. Their agreement also barred him from sleeping with cis-women. But he could sleep with transgender women.

Let the fun begin

So Stacy and this guy made plans. Another stipulation of the guy’s relationship included communicating transparently about his plans ahead of time. So he left his partner a voice message that he had a date and would return home late.

Stacy and this guy met in his car and parked in a lot where the two started fooling around. That quickly turned to stroking and stroking turned to fellatio, with one giving to the other and vice versa.

When Stacy’s turn to give came, she dove in with relish, she said. He orgasmed into her mouth, which she particularly enjoys. Then they took a breather before round two. After he went down on her, it was Stacy’s turn again.

As she started to put his penis in her mouth, Stacy, who looked into the guy’s eyes, also noticed someone else in the car window behind him. She looked up a bit more and there stood a woman looking right into her eyes.

“It was so embarrassing,” Stacy said. “Here I was with this guy’s dick in my mouth and this woman was looking right at me.”

Literally caught in the act

Turned out this woman was the guy’s partner. She located the couple though her partner’s phone, which broadcast his location. The woman was livid. Stacy and her date dressed and he told Stacy to give him a moment as he stepped out the car.

The car interior offered no privacy though. Stacy listened as the woman reamed the guys ass and not in a good way. She railed about him leaving a voice message, which didn’t satisfy their agreement that they talk about encounters before hand.

“It was obvious she was not happy,” Stacy said. “She was hurt, clearly jealous and angry.”

Eventually, the woman left. By then, all the magic of the night wore off. The guy apologized for the spectacle, drove Stacy back to her AirBnb, then drove home.

Later, on the phone, he apologized again for his partner’s insecurities and for her surprising them both by showing up on their date. He asked Stacy if she’d be willing to meet his partner in hopes that would soothe her anger.

Believe it or not, but when faced with an angry person, you’re a match to that anger somehow. Stacy’s experience with her date’s partner shows how stories she’s telling created the situation she found herself in. That’s good news. (Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash)

Stacy said yes, at first, but then, later, after talking with friends about the situation, said she didn’t want to talk with her. She concluded this guy’s relationship had nothing to do with her.

She was wrong though. The relationship and what happened had everything to do with her.

Stories always show up in one’s reality

Every encounter with another, whether a stranger, a partner or a lover always shows what active stories exist in one’s awareness.

That’s a good thing. Because how do one know what beliefs one believes if reality doesn’t show them to the person? Once a story becomes a belief, realities that story creates, replace conscious awareness of the belief itself. Belief recedes into the background and “reality” becomes “true”.

So it’s positive when something seemingly shitty happens. When it does, a person can changes stories creating it. In time the new story creates reality consistent with it. Just as the old, negative story created reality consistent with it.

So here Stacy sat, dead in the middle of a constellation of stories, all creating an experience consistent with themselves. Think about it:

Stacy believes she doesn’t know whether she wants a polyamorous relationship.
She holds beliefs about herself, particularly stories about her self-worth. Those stories create insecurity and jealousy in her.
She has stories that men, especially straight men, use trans women as means to satisfy an experimental desire. Men don’t want a trans girl for a partner.
Stacy also feels insecure about what she likes, and worries about what others might think about what she likes.

And here she finds herself in a situation where a jealous, angry, insecure, untrusting person shows up and literally exposes Stacy in quite the embarrassing situation.

It works 100 percent of the time

Stories create reality. It doesn’t matter if you like the story you’re telling or not, the story, told often enough will create reality consistent with it. It’s great news knowing that though because it shows how the Universe is 100 percent consistent. It always presents realities consistent with stories you’re telling.

Your stories create your life. Tell positive stories and watch what happens. Sounds crazy, we know, but it works.

Most people tell a combination of some positive stories and some negative, with a preponderance of one over the other. So a consistently negative person can experience a positive thing here and there in their lives. But generally, their life (to them) feels mostly negative.

The pessimist’s life is just like a mostly cloudy sky. Mostly clouds with an occasional bright spot. Should that person focus on the bright spots, the pessimist’s sky would clear in time, leaving a bright, shiny, cloudless day.

But how many pessimists you know turn their lives (and their demeanor) into optimistic ones? Hardly any.

Relationship stories work the same. Which is why we encourage transgender women and trans-attracted men the way we do. First, get your stories right. Do that and the relationship you want comes super easy.

So does everything else. Everything else comes easy because stories create ALL reality. Not just relationship realities.

What realities are you creating? Do you like your relationship life? Or do you want a better one? If you do, we can help.

August 10, 2021July 2, 2021

What Happened After Meeting His Perfect Trans Lover 😰

Some trans-attracted…strike that…nearly every trans-attracted man struggles with patience. Transgender women do too. Because they struggle, their choices invite much pain and drama. Especially in relationships.

Or, they hide. And in their hiding, they lead minuscule lives compared to what they could live.

This post tells of a client learning how not to live that way. He still struggles though, because he hasn’t yet mastered how to live differently. He’s on his way though.

His story still contains value for transgender women and trans-attracted men striving for love. So I’m sharing it knowing it will help a lot of people.

“Jeffrey” came to The Transamorous Network 12 months ago. He struggled with dysphoria and trans-attraction, living authentically and finding love. Cis-women relationships never worked out and his life, as I said above, was very small.

What’s more, Christian beliefs kept him in a nearly continuous state of self-judging his desires and his life choices as wrong and bad. Those religious beliefs combined with equally disempowering beliefs adopted from his family upbringing. Latter beliefs made him feel financially responsible for his family, but at the same time resentful towards them when, in his opinion, they spent frivolously.

It doesn’t have to take long but often does

Jeffrey spent 11 of our 12 months together denying his unhappiness. He filled our time talking about lighthearted topics and tangents. All the while he avoided what he really wanted to talk about. Things such as his trans attraction, his sexual activity preferences and his discomfort in his religion.

Whenever I brought those up, he stammered, hesitated, went quiet or humorously changed the topic. I never pressured him because I knew he needed to build trust.

It doesn’t have to take 12 months to see progress so impressive clients double down on what they’re learning. But Jeffrey’s unworthiness, lack of deservedness, the belief that he is a sinner and condemned to going to hell because of what he feels and wants, made quick progress impossible.

For the average client, impressive evidence comes immediately. Once seen, clients eagerly progress. They create lives they love. Seeing that happen, they relax into their lives and lose that frantic “doing” mode born of impatience.

After all, when one sees their life improving at an incredible rate, when they feel better than before, relaxing becomes easy. They know, in time, they will have everything they want. That’s because they see evidence of everything becoming the way they want. Easily and effortlessly. Like the trans woman in this audio who also is a client:

Jeffrey wasn’t an average client though. So he struggled a long time. This included, as I said above, making choices that were not in his best interest, even though I frequently suggested he not make such choices.

Online dating: never the best way

One of those choices involved searching for his partner through online dating. Online dating, despite its popularity, brings many challenges. I’ve written about this before so I’m not going to go into those.

What I will say is, often, nearly always, online dating feels like drudgery, monotony and hard work. A person can’t possibly feel good wading through all those profiles, many of which overstate people’s strong points and skip over people’s baggage.

Now consider nearly everyone else on such sites feel similarly. And while a majority of online daters report positive experiences, nearly every match reflects that desperation. That may be why nearly half of people using such sites say their experiences leave them feeling frustrated.

Maybe that’s also why only 12 percent of online dating matches result in long term relationships or marriage. The figure is near double that for LGBTQ identified people. But 20 percent is still a small number.

Feelings making dating doubly tough

Like everyone else, Jeffrey’s desperation compounded with desolation. His last relationship, with a cis gender woman ended more than 20 years ago. He knew he wanted a transgender parter. But his stories about himself as a trans-attracted man and about transgender women made finding her difficult.

For example, he believes trans-attractive men use trans women as fetish objects. In other words, he does not believe his trans attraction is wholesome and natural. He also judges harshly his own desire for trans women who enjoy using their penises. Jeffrey’s religious beliefs played an important role in his struggles too. Such strong stories, with their accompanying condemnation, directly conflict with his desire.

All of these stories created within Jeffrey strong emotions, all of which told him something. But up until the 11th month, when he finally had what he thought was a good shot with a trans woman, Jeffrey did not understand what his emotions told him.

Insecurity, trepidation, anxiety, unworthiness, self-reproach, embarrassment, and shame boiled in him like a message cocktail. But he couldn’t decipher the messages.

Anytime someone feels such emotions, action should never top the “to do” list. A better approach involves addressing stories creating these emotional responses. Only then can one avoid drama created through stories creating those emotions. We talk about this all the time in The Transamorous Network material. Here’s our into video explaining our accurate premise:

Jeffrey meets his perfect match

As I said though, many men who find themselves attracted to transgender women struggle with impatience. Transgender women do too. Both parties don’t understand what we talk about at the The Transamorous Network. So instead of finding love they want, they instead try to “make” relationships happen while ignoring stories they tell keeping relationships they want from showing up.

That’s what nearly everybody does while using online dating sites. They double down on existing stories then get what such stories create.

No wonder so many online dating users experience frustration. 🤷🏽‍♂️

One day Jeffrey came to his session super happy. The dating site he used matched him with a transgender woman. I knew immediately this spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E. He had done nothing about his stories. I knew she matched Jeffrey perfectly. But that wasn’t a good thing.

If you read everything up until this point, and you read other material from The Transamorous Network, you know everyone a person meets is a match to who they meet, the person they’re meeting matching who they’re being at that moment. So if a person doesn’t do anything about their stories, who they meet matches them perfectly, including disempowering stories they currently hold true for themselves.

Think about stories Jeffrey believed. Now just assume for the moment, what we say is true: you create your reality, including relationships, through stories you tell. If that’s true, and it is, you can guess how this new relationship went…

The honeymoon ended…quick

In session, Jeffrey shared things he liked about this person. Let’s call her “Alice”. He liked her extreme femininity. He adored how passable she looked. She said all the right things in text messages and phone calls. She had good employment as he does. Alice also enjoyed having and using her penis.

Needless to say, right away, they connected. And of course they would – they were a perfect match! Especially they’re stories!

Jeffrey raved about hours and hours they spent on phone calls and text message conversations. Such conversations became hours-long video calls. “We have to plan when we talk to each other because our talks last so long,” he once said excitedly.

Video calls turned into an in-person meetup. Alice and Jeffrey both felt excited. Jeffrey talked about it the session before they met.

While their date approached, Jeffrey felt insecurities surface. Valiantly he used what he learned in his sessions, which allowed Jeffrey a nice win:

Jeffrey using what he learned in his sessions to soothe negative stories.

Pain and drama: been there, done that

Then Jeffrey came to the session after his date excited and happy. It went very well. Too well, some might say. Instead of taking it slow, both he and Alice “went all in”, literally staying in the hotel room the entire weekend having sex.

Both reported enjoying their time together, according to Jeffrey. But not long after that eventful weekend, insecurities born of negative stories in both parties surfaced. Despite the reported wonderful time both enjoyed, their insecurities caused Jeffrey and Alice to interpret the weekend anew. It sounded like a different weekend altogether!

Alice accused Jeffrey of using her. Jeffrey worried out loud about Alice’s drinking and her tendency to try to force Jeffrey to drink more than he wanted. Alice felt Jeffrey judged her the whole weekend. Jeffrey felt angered because Alice at first put him on a pedestal but now had kicked that pedestal out from under him.

Jeffrey went even further in his worries. He wondered if her drinking and her blistering critique of certain American populations indicated a potential relationship red flag. Alice went further too, by blaming Jeffrey for taking time away from her GED studies!

In other words, both parties shared similar and complimentary negative stories. Stories which triggered negative interpretations about the other party. The honeymoon: over before it began.

Wonder what a perfect match looks like when a person doesn’t attend to their negative stories? Here you go:

Jeffrey doubling down on disempowering stories. Stories about himself, about transgender women, and about Alice.

It gets worse before it gets better

Days later, Jeffrey wanted to cancel his session. Things turned worse for him and for he and Alice. The unraveling relationship triggered other stories Jeffrey has about himself and relationships, stories he thought he resolved long ago. I encouraged continuing with the session knowing it would do him good.

Jeffrey wanting to bail, then realizing a new approach.

Jeffrey didn’t realize it, but this experience offered tons of opportunity. Hopefully you see the opportunity. Not only did his relationship show him how his stories created the match he experienced with Alice, it also surfaced other stories he has about himself. Stories he absolutely MUST change if he wants a relationship that lasts.

We touched on this in our next text exchange:

Not long after this exchange, the after our session, Jeffrey’s mood improved. Out of that improvement he saw more clearly how his stories created everything he experienced. I wasn’t shocked, but at the same time I was. Here he had a roller coaster relationship, lasting less than a month and he learned so much.

Weeks after Alice and Jeffrey stopped talking altogether, Jeffrey confided that he would no longer use dating websites. He also resolved to double down on his practice through The Transamorous Network. This experience, he said, showed him with no doubt how his persistent stories created everything he experienced with Alice. He also saw how her stories did the same for her and how both their stories created their mutual experience.

Moving forward in his power

Today Jeffrey confidently comes to each session transformed. He’s more upfront and clear about his stories, especially about what he enjoys and what he wants in a relationship. This clarity also spills into his other life areas, just as we promise the work does.

The Transamorous Network invites people to look at a new way of creating their relationships. That new way includes more power and capability than doing it the way everyone else does.

But this new way works on all life areas, not just on relationships. That’s why clients report their entire lives get better in addition to getting new perspectives on relationships they want. Impatience disappears and in its place comes certainty, self-love and clarity about one’s power in life.

From there, and only there, can someone create a relationship worth having. That’s what we want for all trans-attracted men and transgender women. For in transforming what’s possible for these two groups in the realm of relationships, entire lives also transforms for the better.

This is what we guarantee and this is what clients get. Having that includes, of course, finding one’s perfect match easily and effortlessly.

The best way to get that great relationship is by first having a great relationship with yourself. Get that and everything else falls in place.