There’s so much to being transgender or trans-attracted. Both perspectives change worlds. Both bring so much value, I wonder why so many transgender women struggle emotionally, in relationships and life in general. I wonder too why so many trans-attracted men live in shame and embarrassment.
Then I remember how once I lived the same way. That’s why I started The Transamorous Network. It’s here to free trans-attracted men, primarily, and transgender women, so they can live lives they came to live: free of guilt and shame, happy lives where not only they get the love they want, they get everything else they want too.
That’s all out of reach if people in both groups don’t feel worthy. By worthy I mean feeling they deserve everything they want. It’s hard feeling that way though when life shows someone they aren’t getting everything they want.
But that’s why I created The Transamorous Network. Because everyone creates their experience. They may not get what they want now, but because they create their experience – through stories they tell – getting what they want is as easy as getting what they are getting now: what they don’t want.
It works both ways
Feeling worthy while not believing one is worthy isn’t possible. Coming into one’s worthiness happens naturally though when one starts learning how stories create reality, then applying what they learn in their daily life.
Before they know it, life starts showing them how accurate “your stories create your reality” is. The more evidence shows up, one not only feels more empowered, they want more evidence.
Why?
Because getting what one want’s feels so good, especially when one hasn’t been getting what they want for so long, the person just wants more.
In time, so much evidence piles up, a person no longer thinks about “your stories create reality”. It’s just “truth” to them. Just like for many transgender women “all men are chasers” occurs as “truth”.
Feeling worthy is easy
In time, worthiness wells up. When that happens, feeling worthy is easy. Evidence makes it easy. Evidence draws worthiness from within the person. Worthiness is always there. For many transgender and trans-attracted people, their worthiness gets covered up by negative stories.
Worthiness then feels like UN-worthiness.
Finding worthiness allows plenty, including plenty of partners and mates, plenty of money, plenty of everything. And when a person gets to having all that, they naturally express that worthiness in ways that change the world around them.
Everyone is worthy. That includes transgender and trans-attracted people. We come into the world to shape new worlds. The joy of shaping worlds happens when we embrace our worthiness. Our worthiness comes from knowing we create our reality through stories we tell.
Until we make that connection though, new worlds still happen. It’s just not as fun.
Sex is fun. Sex is more fun when you love yourself. Telling positive stories creates self-love that knows no bounds. In such stories, sex, even solo-sex, leaves knees weak, and libido highly satisfied.
My best sex ever happens when I’m by myself. Although I’m not by myself. My Broader Perspective is with me loving me as I love myself. When I have sex with myself, my entire Personal Trinity is there too. So it’s really an orgy 😂. An orgy of ecstasy.
The last time I had sex with myself, it left me weak-kneed for hours. The passion, the joy, the LOVE was so abundant…sex with others just can’t compare.
It seems weird that our society considers self-pleasure sinful or weird or even secondary to giving one’s self to another. Sometimes we give ourselves hastily in casual situations, as if giving ourselves is the means to the sexual release end.
We miss so much when we do that!
I used to think sex wasn’t sex if it happened alone. I used to call sex alone “masturbation”…a very unsexy word if you ask me. Where’s the romance in “masturbation”?
“Masturbation”: society says: “Don’t touch that!” They’re wrong. Touch it! (Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash)
In my experience, joy of sex is off the charts when performed solo. That’s because, in telling positive stories, I’ve come to love my self.
My self-love knows no bounds. Why wouldn’t I be at the top of my list of people I want to have sex with? What’s more, knowing what I know, with weak-in-the-knees solo-sexual experiences part of my life now, why would I share myself with someone I hardly know, someone who likely is nowhere near as connected to themself as I am to me?
The tyranny of no connection
I get how desperation leads people to fucking almost anyone. So many people have no real connection with another. It’s rarer still that a person has a deep, real connection with themselves. Desperate to find connection, they look for it through the penis or vagina or other body parts of another, rather than finding the only source of unconditional, unbridled and ecstatic connection: with themselves.
It’s no surprise when sex amounts to “getting one’s rocks off”, or when sex gets stale after having sex with the same person over and over. Even someone you really (think you) love.
I’ve been there. I’ve done that.
And there I usually felt post-orgasm dissatisfaction. The more causal the experience, the more unsatisfying it was after the fact. It was fun during. But the aftermath…well, it was aftermath.
Now I know better.
Casual sex with no connection gives momentary pleasure, but connection is better. Especially self-connection. (Photo by We-Vibe WOW Tech on Unsplash)
Fully accepting me and feeling good
Loving me means knowing me and accepting me. That means knowing and accepting what I like. I enjoy what I enjoy and the more I do it, and accept that I’m doing it and enjoying it, the more joy I get from it.
So many stories out there say what feels good is bad. It’s the opposite people!
What’s good is good. What’s good leads you to more good. Follow that good-trail and before you know it, you’re in bliss…in bed, by yourself, yes, but also out in the world. Here’s the fringe bennie: when you’re chronically in bliss, you can’t help but meet blissful people. All those assholes? They can’t find you!
A client describes how being blissful causes old beliefs creating old realities to pale in comparison.
It’s deliciously mind-blowing
Accepting me happened over many years. Telling positive stories helped a lot. I’m glad I’m here, loving myself in bed and while moving through my day. Nothing compares to that. No one else’s attention matters more to me than attention I pay to myself.
And in that selfishness, I discover doing things I want to do, having things I want to have and being happy…all come easily. Joyful ecstasy of the Blissful Life. It’s available to everyone. And it will make anyone weak in the knees.
This is part two of a three part series detailing how a series of major life experiences left me more convinced than ever that telling positive stories leads to the best life possible. Part one shared the awesome story of my divorce. This part describes what happened next.
Recall my soon-to-be-ex-wife gave me my marching orders as an ultimatum: leave my house by the end of the month. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live, roughly three weeks to find one, no car and very little other possessions.
But I was happy. More happy than I had been in a long time. I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed. I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility….but.
What I needed now was an income
At the time my dominant story regarding income was “income comes from jobs”. Today I don’t believe that at all. Income comes in any way I believe it comes, not just from a job, and that’s what’s happening in my life these days.
Back then, though, faced with needing an income, I didn’t believe what I believe now. I needed a job. I believed in my Inner Being though, and I wanted to use this experience to further strengthen my belief, to turn my belief into knowing that my Inner Being hadmy back.
My Inner Being at that time told me a job was the best way to income because my dominant stories wouldn’t allow any other income to come my way.
But it also said I can look at any job that comes, not as a permanent thing, but as a bridging job that would allow me to bridge my stories and my desires.
My stories told me income comes from jobs. But my desire, expressed as a story at the time was “I want a reality where money just comes. It’s not dependent on working.”
That eventually happened, but back then, two years ago, I couldn’t jump straight from the story “income comes from jobs” to “income just comes”.
I needed an income while I changed my reality through my stories. Thus, the bridging job.
I did it my way
But I wasn’t going to get a job the normal way. I wanted the job through a telling positive stories about the job. Having that happen meant remembering five key points:
Creation rarely happens in an instant. It happens through steadily increasing momentum. The result I want is immediate in non-physical, but, materialization takes a while.
By the time I know I desire something, it’s done. But its materialization depends on me receiving messages leading me to the doneness. If I’m not open, or in tune, or telling the right stories, the results get delayed.
I know I’m ready when I’m consistently feeling good. When I’m telling only positive stories about my reality, I can’t help but feel good. When I feel good, I’m in tune. Being in tune means what’s coming in my reality must match that feeling.
Looking for the result slows it down. This is important. Looking for the manifestation puts energy on its absence. Manifestations happen quickest when I’m not looking for them.
Early signs of manifestations feel like a thought interruption. I know I’ve received the message when a thought happens that I’m not thinking. Meditation helps condition my mental atmosphere so it isn’t noisy. In that peaceful mind-state, such messages stand out from ordinary thought.
Aware of these five points I knew creating my bridging job could be easy. I wanted to be the evidence of that.
Of course, that’s what happened.
One day, after receiving my wife’s ultimatum, I went for a walk. While out there, I wasn’t thinking about getting a job. I was thinking about my resistance about getting one.
I didn’t want a job that would consume all my energy like professional jobs I’ve had.
I wanted capacity after work to work on my projects.
I didn’t want to get up early to go to work and spend my mornings (my valuable creative time) working for someone else.
Then I caught myself. I realized I focused on negative stories – about what I didn’t want. I needed to create stories about what I did want.
So I thought instead about how a job matching everything I wanted would feel. I dropped my criteria about hours, intensity and all that. Instead, I focused on how it would feel getting a satisfying job.
I had no idea what kind of job that might be. Or how much it would pay. I was a blank slate. Fertile ground for my Inner Being.
Matching my physical reality with my Inner Reality is the best way to hear impulses coming from my stories that would lead to what I want. So while I walked, I thought “how would my Inner Being feel about me having the perfect job?”
What came to me was:
“Triumphant, appreciative, jubilant and joyful”.
That was the message I wanted. It came out of the question. It wasn’t me thinking that thought. The thought came on its own.
Now that I received that feeling impulse, I next put attention on these emotions. Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy…I let them build. The longer I lingered on them, the better and better I felt.
Soon I felt great, over-the-top positivity. And how could I not? Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy feel great, right?
After three minutes…
The name of the company I would work at appeared in my head. I knew it wasn’t me thinking that name because my thoughts were on the good feelings. Besides, that company name wouldn’t have come into my head. I rarely think about it.
Nothing else followed the name of that company. It came so suddenly, then it was gone. I was thrilled and fascinated. I felt no resistance at all. It happened just like my Inner Being said it would.
Eager and excited, I continued my walk.
At the end of my walk, I sat alongside a river’s edge. I pulled out my phone and looked up this company. Was I surprised to see they were hiring? Nope.
The view from where I sat by the river.
I applied on the spot. In an hour, I got a hire date contingent on next steps. First I had to video record one-minute answers to three questions. Later that week, I had to pee in a cup. The proctor told me supposing no disqualifying indications, I would start on my start date.
And that’s what happened. In less than a week, I went from wondering about a job, to getting one. No resume prep. No searches. No interviews. Only a piss test.
As surprising as how that job happened was how much I enjoyed working that job. It was fun. I enjoyed people I worked with. And when the end of the bridging job came, it came in ways equally as amazing as it started.
But that’s part three
That job offered everything I needed at that time; enough income to cover all my basic needs plus a little spending money, and shift work allowing ample morning time to meditate and work on my projects. The work itself was easy and left lots of mental leeway to practice telling better-feeling stories.
It also was energizing, physically rigorous and attention-consuming work so my 8-hour shifts flew by.
Getting the job this way showed how powerful my stories are. It also showed how faith is unnecessary. Tangible evidence is overwhelming if one looks where it is. Looking there lowers resistance, which makes manifesting easier.
Next time, in part three, I share how I easily got my place to live and then what happened when I came to the end of my bridging job.
My divorce and what happened next convinces me that stories create reality. Being trans attracted and married to a cis-woman can be painful for everyone. My marriage was no exception. But it also created the best circumstances for me which transformed my life for the better.
This is an awesome story about how I created my way out of a marriage inconsistent with who I was and into a life of happy authenticity, not only as a transamorous guy, but also as someone who positively benefits the world.
This story comes in three parts. Part one shares the awesome story of my divorce. Part two describes what happened next. Part three shows how I have created a whole new reality, one in which I focus all my time and joy on doing things I love, instead of working a job with a boss, a paycheck and the 9 – 5 grind.
Part one: the best divorce ever
I enjoyed being married because it forced me to focus on the only place unconditional love comes: from myself. Yes for a little while I struggled, but not with my trans-attraction. I was clear about that. What I struggled with were my own stories and expectations about relationships, love and belonging.
I married my wife even though she was looking to be with a woman and I was looking to be with a transgender woman. She said I was the answer to a spiritual process she completed in her church. Though we both knew what each other wanted was different than what we represented to each other, we married anyway.
To me, we didn’t marry for love. Our marriage was about spiritual growth.
My wife and I met online. After some months, it was obvious something was there. A sense of togetherness existed, but not really romance. It was a deeper connection, one more difficult to express, but not to experience.
My wife had many problems born of her family of origin, problems I believe she came into reality to become more through. I saw these and wanted to do my part, to play my role in that process. That’s why I married her.
We passed through the first few months in heady fantasy. I ignored obvious trouble signs, both coming from her and me. For my part, trouble felt like not being able to talk with her about my attraction because her issues dominated our relationship “air time”.
After the “honeymoon”, life together started showing stress.
I won’t go into details
That would be too long a post. One day I lay in bed contemplating my next moves after a failed start-up investment. My wife came in the bedroom, looked at me and said “you know, you’re not attractive when you’re moping around like this. Maybe you should spend more time with Law of Attraction.”
At the time I showed interest in that, but a passing interest at best. I didn’t really believe it. This was over five years ago. Little did I know my wife’s prodding began the best time of my life (so far) and that Law of Attraction would play a big part.
Not only did I heed my wife’s urgings, I dove head-first into it. I read Law of Attraction books, but only books written by the person who coined the term. Then I started studying works from Seth and Jane Roberts. Later, I encountered Ayahuasca, the plant medicine originating from Peru and now known around the world as a powerful antidote to trauma and other psychological issues. It also opens consciousness to enlightened wisdom and more.
And oh boy! Mother Ayahuasca didn’t disappoint!
Then came a series of high profile experiences with Law of Attraction, which I’ll write about much later.
Positively stories: the turning point
Many, many high profile experiences happened over ensuing years which, I think, caused my wife to feel jealous and resentful about what was happening. I don’t blame her, it was part of the process. But her resentment and my frustration in marriage widened the gap growing between her and I as I moved more towards my authenticity and she moved towards what she wanted. We both wanted different things, with different people. Our relationship gaped like the Mariana Trench.
Our non-existent sexual relationship dissatisfied her too. I ignored her dissatisfaction along with her complaints. We were well past the point of resolving that incompatibility.
Remember, we both knew I was trans-attracted and she was seeking a woman. There were no surprises in this arena. She complained about it more and more, though, I guess believing her complaints could resolve this fundamental difference. She complained to her friends and family. People who would hear her out. Over time, they convinced her that staying in the relationship was a bad idea.
Things got worse and worse (or better and better) for us both. Following specific instruction from all my sources – Aya, Abraham, Seth, and my own personal trinity – I interacted with her less and less. I told none of my friends or family what was happening, because I know sharing with others causes others to give their (mostly inaccurate) opinions about what is happening.
At one point, she invited me to an open marriage. I knew giving me permission tacitly gave her permission, which is what she really wanted. No biggie, I thought, it was a step in our marriage’s final countdown. As she found a semblance of sexual satisfaction from other men and I focused more on my Inner Being relationship, things came more and more to the wonderful outcome I didn’t expect, but at the same time I felt loomed.
An un-refusable offer
Finally, she gave me an ultimatum. I had to move out of her home where we lived. I wasn’t surprised. But I also hadn’t prepared at all for it. I had a small amount of money and no stable income. I had no place to live and roughly three weeks to find one. I had no car and very little other possessions.
But I was happy.
More happy than I had been in a long time. Even facing divorce, with few human friends and little else, I was happy and I had my Inner Being. I knew that’s all I needed.
By the time she gave her ultimatum, I knew anything was possible. I looked forward to that possibility along with great eagerness. Leaving my wife, at her strong suggestion, launched me on the glorious positive path on which I find myself today.
Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our Transamorous Network readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy:
I’m in a straight relationship with my partner, although I found out I was attracted to “trans” before we got together. I told her in the early stages of our relationship and it was almost laughed off and dismissed.
Unfortunately, I went behind my partner’s back on one or two occasions years into the relationship and it confirmed my “fetish” with trans women. I didn’t want to enjoy it but I found out I loved it. It was exciting, different and turned me on but it was just fun.
My partner did find out and I came clean, we had counseling and she came around. I completely love my partner 100 percent, but desires took hold and I lost complete control of myself and my emotions.
In the end, she came with me to meet a trans woman and enjoyed watching me have fun. She knows I am completely in love and committed to her in a daily and family life and has accepted who I am, what I like and we can now be completely open without lies or deceit.
I am very lucky to be able to be myself, I am able to have an intimate relationship with my partner who is absolutely amazing and also satisfy my desires.
I think the best way to understand a person who is attracted to trans is to go with them and see what it’s all about. In doing so, people may see what it is for real rather, than what they think it might be in their heads, which makes more out of it than there needs to be.
For men, and speaking for myself, sex is just sex. A realease of the stresses of day to day life and a time out to enjoy some variety.
I hope any partners of “trans addicts” reading this can look at it from a different angle and realize that it’s not the end of the world. [It] is in no way your fault and you have no inadequacies.
People can’t be put in boxes and conform to expected social norms, we’re human, not robots.
Jason.
Hey Jason,
The most important thing you’ve talked about is the relief you feel and the willing acceptance your partner now experiences. Congratulations for finding that. Just a couple more perspectives we want to offer, mainly for others who might read your comment.
An entire industry surrounds the word “addiction”. Lots of money goes back and forth as people contend with what they think that word describes.
Desires are good. They are not “addictions”. Attraction is good. It is not an “addiction”. Love is good too and it is not restricted to just one person.
It’s great you love your partner and are committed to them. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t experience that same love and commitment with a transgender woman. Often, men think that’s not possible because they are caught up in their “fantasy”, which is really just a future reality they can’t have, because they don’t believe having it is possible. It is possible, but many men don’t believe it is.So they don’t experience that.
Choosing obligation over joy
We’re going to presume your partner feels better about your attraction because they now see it doesn’t threaten what they get from you being in their life. Maybe they were telling stories about you leaving, what that would mean to them and others involved, and the havoc they think that would create. Such stories can be tremendously painful. That’s obvious in some of the comments in this thread. Now that these have been soothed in your partner (through counseling) they no longer cause your partner discomfort that comes with telling such stories. Again, that’s a good thing.
And yet, men (and women) often get themselves into situations that are hard to get out of. Their stories about life, children, family, societal obligations and more keep them in situations, even though some (not all) may not want to continue in them. We’re not saying this is you Jason, or your partner.
We’re saying many men and women in similar situations (with wives and families) feel a righteous obligation to remaining in these situations because society, family upbringing and other “authorities” have convinced them not to “go against” what they’ve learned.
Some people are uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the adventure, the joy and that “what’s next!” of creating life experience. They’re unaware that they can have any life they want. So they settle into lives of stability, adherence and compliance because the rambunctious life-as-their-creation, that they came to have, feels so foreign. We’re not denigrating such decisions. They can impede, however, the natural, wholesome desire-for-more that is inherent in all consciousness. Trans attraction is a dimension of this.
Sounds like you and your partner found enough relief in balancing your attraction and your desire to stay in your situation so you can stay there AND be happy. That’s good.
Sex isn’t just sex
Although it can be seen as release, it is much more than that, and to call it “just sex” significantly diminishes its wonder and meaning. But again, if you find “release” in it, go for it, because that feeling is crucial to getting what you want. Whether you call it “relief” or “release” those emotions mean something important. Feeling them is even more important.
Back to “addicts”: That’s a significant, negative and loaded word for what really is a natural, wholesome desire. The reason trans-desire feels so strong, sometimes compellingly so, is because the desire itself, and the joy derived in its fulfillment, is something you know, at the core of who you are, will fulfill an aspect of who you are.
In doing so, in fulfilling it, you also transform, inform and altogether make worldly experience more enjoyable for those with whom you come into contact with. You’ll also expand the nature of what it means to be human. All these are worthy results of pursuing desires. And they line up with what everyone comes into the world to experience: desire fulfillment.
Every desire is meant to be (and is) fulfilled.
We do not encourage trans-attracted people to see their attraction as anything less than that: a wholesome desire wanting to be fulfilled. For in its fulfillment will emerge wonderful more, joy, fun and happiness for all involved.All that happens, but that doesn’t mean everyone involved will experience it.
As we say everywhere in our content: stories are powerful. They can block what is really happening. That’s always temporary though. The pain and anguish expressed by ex wives whose ex-husbands owned their trans-attraction and thus divorced them, doesn’t have to be these people’s reality.
We know it’s hard knowing that when you’re in the thick of the suffering. But suffering doesn’t mean the joy is not available. It’s just that joy isn’t one’s experience when one tells stories that are not aligned with joy.
