Tag: transamorous men

TL;DR: The author argues for the Trans community to find happiness as a way to feeling better about Trump taking office. In this way, they say, trans and trans-attracted people and their allies can create the best future for themselves. Everything else is insanity they suggest.

There is a better way to live. One where Trans Community members, in which I include trans-attracted people and their allies, can live far more happily. In that better way, way more of what we want can be ours too.

But it requires giving up being right. Especially on subjects we feel fear about. Fear is a powerful emotion. I’m going to dive deeper on that and why it’s not a good idea to wallow in fear in this post. Especially fear about Trump.

Trump’s election victory has a lot of trans people fearful about their future. It has many trans allies feeling the same way, including many of my friends. A big reason why they feel this way is because they think they’re right. They think Trump has it in for trans people. They think Trump is going to follow through with his threats.

And he probably will. After all, a lot of momentum backs those actions. Momentum trans people and their allies contribute to through their fear.

And this is why it’s important that we NOT allow ourselves to succumb to our fears. Even if those fears come true.

In this post, I’m going to describe why, how being right is a problem, and how living happily instead serves not only our community, but the world at large.

Here we go!

Some background

This article will be easier to understand if readers have some background on where my perspective comes from. Readers who don’t have this background will get “triggered” by what I’m sharing. If what you’ve read so far triggers you, you should probably stop reading right now.

There’s nothing inaccurate about what’s written here. I know this from my own experience. My experience isn’t my only proof, however. My clients’ experience implementing what I share backs me up too. Those who don’t have life experience proving what I’m sharing is accurate typically experience “belief confrontations” when they read what I write.

A belief confrontation is what happens when a person is “triggered”. They have a belief, usually a strong one. When life gives them evidence not matching that belief, the belief pushes back against that reality. When that happens, usually the person behaves in ways we call “triggered”.

They get angry and lash out. Usually that lashing out looks like name-calling. It can also look like violence. Or it looks like responding in a comment where, in the case of my writings, they express how “wrong” I am. Yes, that’s right. When one has a “belief confrontation” they must be right. They have to be, or else the belief is threatened. So reality, including the other person, becomes wrong.

So as you read this, please remember you have beliefs and your beliefs may even be right. But if you’re triggered because of what you’re reading, then maybe they’re not right. Maybe your beliefs are worth examining and replacing with better-serving beliefs.

Is action better?

A lot of people right now worry about what’s going to happen when Trump takes office. Of course, Trump is not in office yet. So in the now, which is the only place we can exist, nothing has happened worthy of our fear or worry. The Biden Administration is still in office. Things are pretty much going the way they have for the last four years.

So this fear and worry is not about the now, it’s about the future. All fear and worry is always about the future. That’s why fear and worry are problems. Because when we’re fearful and worryful, we’re not using the now to our advantage. Instead, we’re doing the opposite. We’re using the now to our disadvantage.

Another thing we fear or worry about, that we can do nothing about really, is the fate of other people. Our worry and fear about other people is near-worthless. Even from the perspective of the people we’re fearing and worrying for, all our fear and worry does is cause them to fear and worry too. So now everyone is using the now to our mutual disadvantage.

To be clear, when we’re taking action as a response to fear or worry, then usually we’re not feeling fear or worry at that point. So action is a good antidote to fear and worry, because at least we’re doing something. But there’s a catch to such action: if we’re acting while fearing and worrying, then our action gets tainted by that.

I’m sure readers have experienced lack-luster results that come from acting while feeling anything other than confidence and clarity. We often bomb job interviews, miss out on potential dates, or our skill at something doesn’t shine when we act out of fear or worry.

Feeling better is better

This explains why action can often not be the best option when one worries or fears. And I haven’t even talked about the vibrational nature of those emotions and how they create futures we won’t like.

If people understood that fear is a problem and why, they’d probably not fear so much. Instead they’d tell better-feeling stories about what they fear in order to build beliefs that are more empowering than the ones having them feeling fear.

But most people, including trans and trans-attracted people and their allies, would rather be right than feel better. I know this first hand.

A newer client is deathly afraid of what the incoming administration will do to illegal aliens. She tutors a young Latina whose family is living in the country illegally apparently. My client is literally terrified for this young woman.

But what is her terrified feeling doing for the young person? For sure she can feel that strong fear coming from the woman, so she’s probably also terrified. How does that help her?

It doesn’t.

The problem with the future

When I try to get my client to think of better thoughts about the future, she literally cannot. She can’t get beyond thoughts she’s thinking about the future that has her afraid. Every time I try to encourage her, rather than finding better-feeling thought about the future, she has a belief confrontation: she instead attacks the validity of this “you create your reality” business, claiming she can’t believe what she’s learning, even though she’s already produced a number of powerful examples showing it works!

In other words, she wants to be right. She want’s to be right about the fact that Trump will find this young girl and her family and deport them. And she’s angry and miserable about it.

Meanwhile, right now, none of that has happened. The girl is fine. Life is good. The client is mentoring her. All is well.

It’s crazy focusing on some terrible future in a way that has us feel bad. That’s because we only have the now. The future hasn’t happened yet. So we’re feeling bad for nothing, right now, because there’s nothing we can do about some future act we fear.

Well, there is something we can do. We can create a better future. And we can do that right now. But we can’t when we’re using the now to create a worse future, which is what we’re doing when we are in fear or worry.

That’s a problem.

Unconscious insanity

It should be clear that it’s a problem because the future we’ve created from our past fear and worry we’re living in now. Trump won. And he’s had four years of experience informing what he’s going to do next. Between when he first ran and right now, we had the opportunity to create a better, preferred future.

But what did we do? Did we use that time to do that? Nope! We doubled down! We worried, attacked Trump and his allies. Whatever he and his allies did, we paid attention to and railed against it. We watched all kinds of media about it and shared it with our friends while wagging fingers and shaking heads.

In other words, we focused on what we didn’t want. And so now, we’re getting what we focused on and thereby created. I described this in my previous post.

The problem with using the now by filling it with fear and worry is that when we create futures from there, we have to experience those futures we create! So it makes sense to stop fear-ing and worry-ing and instead find better-feeling thoughts. When we do that, we create better-feeling futures.

But we can’t create around or previous creations. In other words, we’ve created the world where Trump is the next president. So now we must live through that. And if we keep worrying and fearing, which is what put him in office in the first place, we’re doubling down and thus getting more of what we don’t want.

That’s not just crazy, it’s insane.

Accepting our unwanted creation

Our happiness is our super power. It enables us to get everything we want. It literally is the power we possess, power we can use to literally create our reality. So let’s look at how we can use that power to create a better future for ourselves as a community.

Before we can do that, we must first accept what we’ve already created. We can’t create around what we’ve already created. Nor do we want to try to create a reality as a reaction to that unwanted outcome we created. That’s how Trump ended up in office in the first place: a lot of progressives, trans people included, tried getting Harris in office by railing against Trump. That doesn’t work!

So instead, we must accept what we’ve done. Then look at a future we want and focus only on that. That can be hard for people in terror about the future. So maybe it’s better to soothe that terror, that fear, by first telling better-feeling stories about what’s coming.

Let’s start there. And let’s use as an example, the child my client is mentoring.

What better feeling stories can we tell about that situation? There are plenty. Let’s take a look at those in a minute.

Getting what we want

First, we must know we’re not doing anything to change the child’s experience. The child, let’s call her Lupe, is a creator just as we are. She’s in charge of creating her reality and she wouldn’t have it any other way. What we are doing is doing something to change our reality. We’re coming up with better-feeling stories or beliefs, so that we can live a future in which we can see everything working out for us.

That requires more explanation.

If you look at life, you’ll see that everything does work out. While it’s working out, it may not look like it’s working out. And it may not look like how we’d prefer it to work out as it’s working out. But it always works out. So it’s important to get that that working out works out, even if it looks like it’s not working out in the way we think it should.

That makes sense because the Universe is having things work out for everyone at the same time. For that to happen, “working out” must look like an extremely winding path, not a straight shot right to what we want. And besides, often, what we think we want, isn’t what we really want.

For example, we might want a relationship. But we haven’t cleaned up our anger, our self-loathing or our belief that we’re not worthy of having a relationship. With all those things in place in us, we’ll get relationships. But those relationships will reflect back to us all those things in us. And so they’ll suck.

It all works out

Those relationships are serving us. They’re showing us what we must clean up to get the relationship we really want. But if we don’t know that, we might fight against those relationships and the men in them. We might call them chasers and fetishizers. We might claim they’re using us, not seeing us for who we are. Like this person who commented on a recent post of mine and simultaneously victimized herself and vilified men she meets, both being actions that are not in her best interest.

When we do that, we’re doubling down on those things in us, instead of aligning with what we want: a relationship. In the meantime, those relationships reflecting those things back to us are giving us what we want: They’re giving us a relationship, and they’re giving us situations reflecting what’s in us so we can clean them up. Do that, and our relationships will get better, until we end up in one that matches our cleaned up inner state.

So the Universe gives us what we want, but only the part of what we want that we’re ready for. It’s not usually going to give us what we want in the way we think it should. That’s usually because we don’t know what’s happening. But it’s also because the Universe has a lot more resources and means at its disposal than we can possibly fathom. It’s through that unfathomable means that the Universe gives all of us what we want simultaneously.

And that’s why Trump is coming into office. We’re getting what we want. We just think we know how that’s supposed to happen and when. Meanwhile, the Universe is doing it in the way it knows gives everyone what they want in the end. It all works out, in other words.

How to feel better through our thoughts

So there’s Lupe. She’s at the dinner table and we’re mentoring her. What better-feeling stories can we make up about her situation? Ones that we’ll feel better when we tell them?

Here are thirteen examples:

1. There are many million illegal immigrants in the US. The government can’t possibly deport all of them. It would cost too much and take way too much manpower.
2. Even if the government tries to deport them all, many of them will probably fall through the cracks. They won’t find them all. Maybe they will miss Lupe’s family.
3. If things get too crazy, the American people won’t stand for it. Look what happened with the “Kids in cages” situation. And that started under a Democratic Administration! Certainly something like that won’t happen for long should it happen again.
4. Lupe’s young. She’s going to be ok whatever happens.
5. There are lots of people living happily in the country Lupe’s from. Going back to her home country is not the end of the world.
6. Lupe’s smart, she’s strong. She’s going to be ok.
7. Lupe’s with her family here. If she goes back where her family’s from, she’ll be with more family. It will work out.
8. Things will probably change in the future. Lupe will be able to come back more likely.
9. Life is long. Things are always changing.
10. This situation will pass.
11. Worrying about this is doing nothing for me but making me miserable. I’m going to stop thinking about this and eat some ice cream.
12. This fear I’m feeling is useless. I can’t do anything about it right now anyway. Trump isn’t even in office yet.
13. Trump usually has been his own worst enemy. His success doesn’t last. Maybe this will be another example.

This list isn’t all inclusive. Plenty more better-feeling thoughts exist.

Stop being crazy

And the thing about these better-feeling stories is, they don’t have to be true. All they have to do is make us feel even a smidgen better. That’s important for several reasons.

The first is about our life in general. A life lived happily-ever-after is composed of many “happy now” moments. It’s about living happy now. And now. And now…until we’re dead. So when we’re not happy now, we’re not living happily-ever-after.

Second, the now is the only moment we have. Why use that now to feel miserable, especially about something we can’t do right now. Trump is not in office yet.

Three, our power is in the now. By creating better-feeling moods in the now, we align with better-feeling futures. So it’s in our best interest to be happy now.

Four, our positivity is as contagious as our negativity. We don’t help anyone by spreading our negativity all over the place.

Lastly, everything always works out. If that’s true, and it is, why be miserable? It’s all working out anyway, so why not be happy?

The problem, the crazy, insane problem, is, people apparently would rather be right than happy. They’d rather squander their power, which always is in the now, by thinking they know what the future holds, and feeling miserable in the process. That’s crazy and insane.

Especially when the future can be deliberately shaped by every one of us! We’re doing it anyway! It’s just that when we’re miserable and right, we’re shaping a future we’re not going to like.

I say give that up. Stop being crazy. And watch how life gets better. Even with Trump in office.