I wrote the following to a client but it applies generally to all trans and trans-attracted people:
Remember Susan (not her real name). You’re not on the way to any goal. You’re greatest joy is in authentic expression. You came to earth because you knew that. So that’s what you’re here for: Every moment expressing who you are…and by doing so improving the world. You, just like everyone else, got stuck in conditions you chose. You chose them because they offer the best combination of “what is” and what you want. So condemn nothing, including yourself, where you are, your job and everything else. Instead, find beauty and joy in everything and you’ll gradually come into your full, glorious, authentic expression.
This transgender woman took that advice then created her professional photography career. She is now off to a great start in that field.
The same thing can happen for any transgender person. Great joy awaits each person, trans or trans-attracted. That’s why we all choose to come into physical life. Because we knew it would be a wonderful, joyful experience.
Why doesn’t it look that way?
But nearly all of us get off track when we come into the world. That happens because the world is full of ideas running contrary to what’s really happening. People who came before us forgot what they knew before getting here. So they’re afraid, insecure in themselves and worried about all kinds of things.
We can’t get here except through other people. When we come that way, we also can’t help but adopt their insecurities, fears and worries as our own.
So, just like them, we try fitting in. We try to belong somewhere. We try becoming something we’re not. But why? Why do we do that?
It’s scary feeling alone. It’s scary not fitting in. But that scary feeling exists to remind us what we knew when we decided to come here. It reminds us that we’re worthy. It reminds us that we’re powerful beings who came for the joy. We came for the joy, to stand out, not fit in. But we came for so much more also.
We all get off track on the way to the joy we knew awaited us. Some never get back on track. If you’re reading this, though, you can get back on track. Do that and you’ll find the joy you knew awaited you here.
The joy is in uniqueness
We came here for that joy but also to move humanity and the world into places its never been before. That’s the purpose of all creation: becoming more than it is at any given time.
Being transgender and trans-attracted offers that expansion into more. But that expansion depends on transgender and trans-attracted people living authentically. That means standing out. That means accepting one’s unique place in the world, taking up space as that, and proudly expressing one’s authenticity in the world.
It’s easy to instead try to “fit in”. A lot of societal pressure will try to keep authentic beings from their authentic lives. But for those who dare, for those who live life their way, life will support their authenticity.
Living any other way is compromise and bound to end in dissatisfaction. That’s why so many people, regret their lives. Or they live lives of anxiety with a nagging that says “is this all there is to life?”
There is far more to life. Having that “far more” requires living authentic, original expressions of what we are, trans and trans-attracted. It requires expressing our uniqueness.
Expressing joy: a prerequisite
Like attracts like. Many people struggle with this. Especially trans and trans-attracted people. Getting what one wants requires becoming a match to that. That means, to enjoy a life of love and passion with someone who accepts one as one is, one must FIRST ACCEPT WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE. The best indicator of how much one accepts themselves is the amount of joy they feel.
Joy often comes fleetingly through people’s lives. Rarely does it hang around. Usually, it comes in surprising flashes, seemingly out of the blue. Boredom, annoyance, frustration, dissatisfaction and anxiety represent many people’s default life conditions. Such conditions exist in great quantities in the trans community, including among trans-attracted people.
But for those who make joy their objective, those people’s lives will reflect joy back to them. That must include joyful people. And it must also include joyful love.
So joy is the go-to place from which everything everyone wants arrives. The greatest joy comes from that experience wherein one loves themselves for EVERYTHING they are. Including the life they have, however it looks.
Find that kind of joy and relationships and love from others becomes irrelevant. Ironically, when one finds that place, love and relationships come easy because the person matches what they want. See? That’s the paradox.
To get what one wants, one must make themselves a match to it. For transgender and trans-attracted people, that means proudly living as trans and trans-attracted. Doing that is simple. But getting there takes practice because most of us don’t live authentically.