Transgender Women Perpetuate Toxic Masculinity? Some Do, Yes

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The type of men you go after says a lot more about you than anything else. But it also can perpetuate exactly what you’d like to see less of in the world.

Yes, it’s true: some transgender women are as complicit in perpetuating toxic masculinity as men. But those transgender women doing it aren’t aware they’re doing it.

Frankly, we’re not even sure the men are aware. But that’s another story.

We’ve offered many times a unique perspective on cis-trans dynamics – ways both parties in seeking partners behave – which perpetuate toxic masculinity.

Recently we discussed this from the trans-attracted male’s perspective. No doubt, these men sometimes do their part to perpetuate toxic masculine attitudes and behaviors. Particularly the “alpha male” variety – those men some transgender women desire most.

That post was a promo for our recently-released YouTube and Podcast episode. We featured Tommy Matt, an activist in many areas and a strong proponent for transgender rights. Particularly transgender women and transgender women of color.

Tommy also is a self-declared, trans-attracted man.

Tommy speaks definitively, clearly describing the role toxic masculinity plays in cis-trans relationships and potential relationships. While Tommy focuses on the men, Remy, our show co-host, does an outstanding job highlighting transgender women’s role in perpetuating toxic masculinity saying “…it takes two. Every relationship is a dance between two people’s stories.”

The conversation struck a chord for one transgender female viewer who felt strongly enough to share her opinion. It’s powerful enough to repeat here:

“…trans women are sometimes just as guilty as cis men of perpetuating toxic standards of masculinity. But, because gender is a construct and because it’s how we communicate beyond words, toxically masculine men are a cheap way to highlight (if not affirm) a trans woman’s femininity. In other words, a cis man’s perhaps extreme or exaggerated concept of his own masculinity can be attractive, soothing, and/or satisfying to an albeit insecure trans woman because she believes she looks even more feminine around him than she does around a cis man generally perceived as less masculine. I think this phenomenon exists between insecure cis folk too. But, consider that that insecurity is pronounced for those who suffer from gender dysphoria.”

There’s a lot of truth to be explored in this.

Watch the entire interview:

 

 

A New [Beautiful] Face Joins The Transamorous Network

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So yesterday I had the pleasure of shooting Yuri Pichardo, a transgender woman who, is so photogenic, it’s hard not to wonder if she has a special way with camera lenses.

Yuri agreed to be regularly photographed as our brand’s model. We’ll be featuring Photos of her alongside a lot of our material.

Yuri smiling 2 watermark blogIn addition to being quite beautiful, Yuri is whip smart, has a keen intuition and is equally resourceful. A native of Tacache de Mina, Oaxaca, Mexico, Yuri’s biggest dreams have been accomplished, she says.

But there’s still one more dream she’s highly anticipating: Her childhood dream of her Quinceañera. Her sweet fifteen birthday party.

No, she’s not fifteen, but it’s something she’s always wanted to have. In her culture the Quinceañera signifies a young woman’s maturation into adulthood. This weekend many of her friends will gather to celebrate this moment…some fifteen years late.

But who’s counting?

We’re just happy to have Yuri as part of our team. Welcome Yuri!

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An Awesome Thing Happened On Wikipedia And You Probably Missed It.

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In less than a week, Wikipedia did something positive for the transgender community.

Wikipedia contributors have removed a fringe and controversial theory about attraction to transgender people and replaced it with an entry based on more common knowledge about trans-attraction.

While this seems like a tiny step, we think it’s huge.

We just had a conversation with a transgender woman who was in fact using this fringe theory to tie her self in knots about her own value as a person worthy of someone’s attention.

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It looks like the decision to remove the theory’s entry took place around 2013. But we looked up the theory just last week and it was still there. Today, it’s been redirected to the more accurate entry.

Awesome.

The exchange between Wikipedia contributors and the original poster of the fringe theory is quite an interesting read. The original poster, btw, happens to be one of the theory’s originators.

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Here’s the entry it has been replaced by. It’s not the best (you gotta start somewhere) but it certainly acknowledges the legitimate existence of trans-attraction thus validating the romantic value transgender people inherently possess. Just like the rest of us.

In other words: it’s NORMAL and validating to love transgender people.

Well done Wikipedia.

 

 

Your dreams come at nature speed

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In our latest IN YOUR FACE SHOW, we talked about how important it is that trans-attracted men slow down in order to get what they’re wanting. Slowing down is such a big deal, it’s amazing people don’t know this. But if they did, they would achieve more of what they’re wanting with far less frustration.

Part of the problem is we’re all trained to believe we are solely responsible for making things happen. In our “get shit done”, “Work hard, play hard”, rugged individualist world, we learn very early the value of working hard, staying busy, focusing on our goals and going it alone.

But materializations – how material results emerge – do not happen as it appears: it’s never the result of hard work and struggle. And very rarely, if EVER, do things happen anywhere close to “over night” even though people believe so much in “over night successes”. The things you’re wanting come when you’re ready for them. That means, you have release enough momentum-resistance that they can come easily into your life.

Notice that a lot of people (more than would admit) usually find a partner when they give up actively looking, or when they let go of expectations about what that person should be. What’s really happening when people finally find their partner is they have stopped focusing on the absence of that person. Which leads us to the other part of the problem.

The other part of the problem, the far more important part, is that when you’re out looking for the partner, you are always and naturally focused on the absence of the person you’re looking for rather than the presence of that person. That should make sense. You’re out at bars, online or otherwise “trying to find” that person, which means, you are aware of that person is ABSENT from your life. When you go out, or you search online, and your efforts there produce zilch, the emotion you feel is negative: frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc.

When you’re feeling this way you also aren’t focused on being with your partner. Instead, you’re focused on your partner’s absence as well as the seeming futility of your efforts.

Beginning to get this?

So the key to having your partner – or anything else for that matter – is to enjoy the process, realizing your partner is already in your life and that your Inner Being is orchestrating circumstances that will connect you with her when you’re a match to her.

Your Inner Being is trying to guide you along a path leading to your partner. But if you’re in frustration, anxiety, irritation or disappointment, you can’t hear the signals, the impulse. Instead, you hear signals leading you to more frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment. That’s how you end up doing the same things over and over again rather than trying a different approach.

This is why slowing down is so important. When you slow down, soothe your mind and relax into your life, you begin to tap into the rhythm of your Inner Being which is the natural world’s rhythm. From there you can hear your Inner Being’s signals as impulses to take certain actions. Those actions will always lead to pleasurable experiences. These experiences often seem to have nothing to do with meeting your partner. But if you faithfully follow all the impulses you get, you will absolutely wind up meeting that person. But not when you think you should. You’ll meet that person when you’re ready. And if you’re feeling frustration, anxiety, irritation, disappointment, etc., you are decidedly NOT ready.

We go into good detail about how to tap into your Inner Being in this week’s show. Watch it and if you have any questions, let us know.

 

The world always changes for the better

The world is getting betterWe’re focusing on how much the world is changing to support transgender people. Particularly the medical community. This article out of Australia demonstrates the good (there’s a lot) and the bad (of course there’s some of that) as medial expertise around the world enables women and men to live lives consistent with who and what they are.

Awesome.

Highlighted in the article is Marci Bowers who likely is one of the most prominent specialists in transgender surgeries. She’s a hero of sorts. As are the doctors she is mentoring around the world, ensuring they develop high quality procedures leading to high quality results.

Transwomen: Your requests are being answered by your reality. More and more resources are being made available, supporting who and what you are.

Trans-attracted and transamorous men: the world is slowing transforming into the world that will make it far more comfortable fo you to be who and what you are.

The article is a great read. And the accompanying video is freaking fantastic!

A touching quote from the article:

“I’m frequently on the verge of tears talking to patients,” [the surgeon told the reporter]. “Our oldest patient was 77 years old. She came in for a post-op check, we gave her a mirror, she saw herself for the first time and she cried. She said she had waited since she was five years old for this operation and it finally felt like she was herself.”