Tag: Trans-attraction

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How To Attract Your Ideal Transgender Woman: Create Her!

Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author tells how they created an intimate encounter with a beautiful Mexican transgender woman solely through their thoughts and beliefs. Then they encourage everyone to learn how to deliberately create their own dating reality thereby experiencing a life where all they want is theirs.

Recently I jumped on a LGBTQ dating website. Now, if you’ve read this blog before, you know I don’t encourage people use dating websites to find their partners. It’s a waste of money and doesn’t work for most people.

So why was I on one? Because a client was using one I hadn’t been familiar with. I wanted to see what it was like. I wanted to see what it was like so I could relate to his experience.

But it was terrible. I’m not going to go into why it was terrible. Instead, I’m going to pivot right here and share why I’m writing this post. I’m writing this post because of something that happened with me this past week. What happened shows why I don’t encourage clients to use dating websites. Again, they’re terrible, costly and don’t work for most people.

Instead, I encourage people to use their stories to create their love lives. Doing so aligns one with the infinite resources of the Universe. It’s way more fun, completely free and, if one is patient, one can experience the surprising and delightful way in which the Universe fulfills any desire.

This past week that happened to me. And that’s what this post is about.

Let’s dive in.

Ten years in the making

This story will sound unbelievable. But every time the universe makes something happen in the way it does, it seems unbelievable. That’s because most of us don’t believe the Universe is intelligent, conscious and aware. They also don’t believe the Universe listens to and answers/delivers on every want. And, because most don’t believe these things, they don’t see the Universe doing these things all the time.

I see them though. I see them because I believe it. And that’s why I can share this absolutely true story.

The story starts more than 10 years ago. That’s right, it’s a long story. All the ways in which the Universe fulfills our desires usually takes a while. It can actually take only a few days. But we humans introduce things that delay results. Usually we do that through disbelief. Sometimes we do that through beliefs that counter what we want. For example, we may believe we don’t deserve what we want. Or we might believe someone else has what we want, thus blocking us from getting it. There are many stories – beliefs – we tell ourselves that delay, sometimes permanently, what we want.

I’ve soothed many of those stories, which is why what happened happened. The soothing is why it took 10 years.

What happened was an absolutely gorgeous, smart, wonderful, trans woman reached out to me for a bootie call. I’ll call her Selma. Now Selma happened to be a trans woman I interviewed on the The Transamorous Network Podcast. Back then, more than 10 years ago, I thought she was so hot. But I am also an ethical person. So I wasn’t going to come on to a podcast guest. That’s just not me.

What I did do back then though was lightly think about what it would be like to be with her…

The Universe makes it happen

But I didn’t fixate on that. I just figured back then that it was just a nice fantasy to think about…and…maybe jerk off over…

And this is how the Universe delivers our desires. Life experience brings to our awareness situations we like or don’t like. From there, we know what we want. And so does the Universe. The moment we know what we want, the Universe and all its resources goes to work. It begins assembling conditions, people and resources to make that want pop into our lives.

Receiving the full blown version of that desire requires us becoming a match to it. I write every week about how that happens, so I won’t go into it in this post. Today, I’m sharing this amazing story as proof of what being a match looks like, then what happens next.

So every experience we have helps us know what we want. The Universe takes that and instantly makes a version of that desire available. When we become a match to that experience, it becomes our experience. That’s what happened over 10 years with Selma. It wasn’t that it took 10 years for the resources to come together. That happened instantly. But it took 10 years for me to become a match to it.

What took so long? I’ll briefly talk about that next.

The Universe is your artistic co-creator. What are you going to create? (Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash)

It begins with a bootie call

For one, I was married. That marriage had a lot of stuff happening in it. Second, as I wrote above, my ethics wouldn’t allow it. “Ethics”, of course, are a set of beliefs. Those beliefs ran counter to being a match to “being with Selma”.

Then I got into a whole bunch of other circumstances that had me focused on other things. Things that distracted me belief-wise from Selma.

Recently, however, like in the last two years, Selma came back into my awareness. That return had me begin to turn the corner belief-wise. My marriage was over. Those distractions were largely gone and I cultivated other thoughts which had me become more and more of a match to Selma.

It was no wonder then that this past summer, seemingly out of the blue, Selma reached out for a bootie call. Getting her message was a TOTAL surprise as all “manifestations” usually are. That’s because we usually can’t tell when we’ve become a match to something we want. So when we are, and it happens, it comes as a surprise.

I would have jumped on that bootie call opportunity…if I had seen the text in time. Selma is from Mexico. She’s a beautiful, indigenous, brown-skinned-black-haired-gorgeous-smile bombshell. And, she was heading south of the border for a couple months. By the time I saw her message she had already gone.

I sent her a message assuring her that, had I seen it, I would have invited her over. And I felt a little bummed about this because I really wanted to see her! Knowing what I know, however, about “beliefs create reality”, instead of staying bummed, I imagined her being here, at my apartment, in my bed, us both enjoying ourselves intwined in our arms and legs.

That felt great.

Now’s a great time to introduce some advanced information about how to create reality, especially people. It’s important to understand this, or at least have it in your awareness, dear reader, as we move through this story.

We create everything…and everyone

Each one of us lives in a reality all alone. That’s right. No one else exists in our reality but us. Every thing in our experience is a reflection of our beliefs, our ideas we hold in our heads. Every person we see is an extension, a reflection, of our beliefs too. When it comes to people, those people reflect our thoughts and beliefs about the people we see.

That means we are ongoingly creating versions of people we experience.

Now here’s the cool thing: The people we see are not the same people those people are experiencing. In other words, say we see John the policeman over there. We are creating a version of John the policeman, in our reality, at that moment. But John, over there in his reality, is creating a totally different version of himself than we are. That version of him reflects his thoughts and beliefs about himself, just as our version of him reflects our thoughts and beliefs about the police, people and John, specifically. Yes, this is true even if we think we don’t know “John”.

So you can see there’s a lot of overlapping creating happening. That’s pretty cool that we experience so many creations. But what is really cool is, this means we can create any versions of people we want!

It’s because I know this that I knew I could create a version of Selma that would wind up in bed with me. I knew a match to that creation already existed in Selma’s version of herself: she reached out for a bootie call. So already we were in the vicinity of being a match. All there was for me to do was amplify that match rather than amplify the opposite of that.

And that’s exactly what I did.

Well, not exactly…

Creation confusion

After that missed connection, I tried communicating with her often, but she hardly replied. She, like me, considers herself a free spirit. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship. After reaching out to her from time to time, and getting no reply, I started thinking I was bothering her. Of course, that caused my version of her to ignore my texts even more.

My thought “I’m bothering her” created a version of her that acted bothered: She wouldn’t reply, or she’d be off line every time I looked to see if she responded. I’m sure you can see similar behavior in yourself, dear reader. We think we’re being harmless by constantly checking to see if the person we’re interested in gets our message or replies.

But we’re not being harmless. We’re actually creating a reality. In that reality we’re creating a version of the person we’re interested in that doesn’t respond to us. How? By focusing on the absence of communication from that person!

Now, I found out later that she really did want to come over when she came back from Mexico. She also wondered why I hadn’t reached out to her more. But I didn’t know that when all this was happening. And yes, this again shows how we create different versions of people. Even different versions from the version that very person is creating of themself!

Here Selma was saying she was interested in wanting to get together. But she was waiting on me. And here I was creating a version of her matched to my disempowering belief: that I was bothering her.

None of the above I knew was happening until after we ended up in my bed together. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Giving it all up

Selma came back to the US in September and I immediately reached out to tell her I was still game for a hook up. She didn’t respond. And I let myself get even more poopy about that.

In time, I soothed that resistance, and, as a result, in a couple weeks, she reached out.

This was on Sept 26. She texted to tell me she’d be in my area and that we could meet. Interestingly, where she was going was about a block or two from where I lived. And she didn’t even know where I lived! I was stoked.

A couple hours later, however, she texted again. Selma said the meeting she was having got cancelled! This time, though, I didn’t have a negative reaction. Instead, I just let it roll off my back. Later, I reached out some more to try to coax her over. That caused her to distance herself even more. And the lack of response had me feel doubtful again about us meeting. That doubt felt increasingly awful.

That’s when I decided I need to use the “you create your reality” approach better. After all, I know this approach. Why the hell was I creating something I didn’t want? Why not, instead, create what I did want? So I did exactly that: I completely forgot about Selma.

Before, I responded to everything she posted on FB. So I stopped doing that. I responded to all her posts on Instagram too. I stopped that also. Even thinking about her was something I quit doing. I put her completely out of my mind, which, of course, soothed resistance I was building up, inherent in the intention of “trying to get her in my bed”, which was really creating the outcome “she’s not in my bed”.

I’ll explain why next.

Not thinking about it is key

I say this a lot to clients and also include it in a lot in my writings. You can’t think about the absence of something and create the presence of it. In other words, we must think about having what we want, not not having it. This is something easily confused. Many think they’re thinking the former instead of the latter.

If I’m thinking “I so want Selma in my bed” I’m focused on her NOT being in my bed, which is what I’m actually creating. And that is what I’m going to get. That’s because the Universe isn’t listening to the words we’re thinking or saying. Instead, it’s listening to our vibration: what we’re focused on. And if we’re feeling yearning or strong desire for something, we’re not focused on having that thing. We’re focused on the absence of it.

To get this point across, I often ask clients what it feels like to have something they currently have. Usually they answer by saying something like “I don’t think about it” or “I feel really glad I have it”. Well, that’s what it feels like to manifest what we want. It must feel like we have it, meaning we don’t think about it, or we feel glad we have it. If we’re feeling yearning, or hoping or needing, we’re not focused on having it. Nor do we feel glad.

So while thinking “I want her to come over” I’m focusing on “she’s not here”. And that’s what I was getting: a version of Selma that wasn’t showing up. That’s the momentum I wanted to soothe. And that’s why I stopped thinking about her.

It all comes together

The last contact I had from her was Sept 26. Three weeks later, at 1 p.m. Selma texted: “What are you up to today?”.

Now I would say that came out of the blue, but I KNEW THIS WAS THE MANIFESTATION I WAS WANTING. I told her I was completely open. But I didn’t get all excited about it. I remained indifferent in my focus. I held the feeling of having what I wanted, which is, not thinking about it. Then, at 4 p.m., she texted again. She was headed over!

The next few things that happened proved this was divine orchestration.

I really wanted to go get groceries. So I told her that’s what I was going to do and left. I don’t have a car, so it takes a while to run such an errand. There was a chance she would get to my apartment early, not wait, and bail. But I didn’t entertain any of that kind of thought. I just knew everything would work out. 

I walked to the grocery (it’s about 1.5 miles away), then, coming home, I see Selma driving around the corner!  Perfect timing I thought!

She looked radiant of course. Selma sees me and gives me that beautiful smile of hers. Then she tells me she can’t find a street side parking spot. I told her She looked amazing and pointed out how perfect it was that she arrived exactly when I got back to my apartment. Selma agreed.

I told her to drive around the block and that I’d see her in front of my building. When I walked around to my building, right in front of the building entrance, was a guy pulling out of a spot. Rock Star Parking! I texted Selma to let her know and, of course, she got that parking space.

Selma got out, we hugged and went upstairs….and after a lovely conversation of an hour or more, we ended up right where I visualized us: in my bed, intwined in our arms and legs!

You create your reality

What happened here? What happened was a beautiful orchestration. An orchestration the Universe performed on my behalf. It was an orchestration I kicked off by expressing my desire, then tuning myself so that I became a match to it.

I’m telling you there’s nothing better than seeing the Universe doing this for me over and over again. It delivers everything I want with no effort on my part other than thinking in a particular way.

Now, I’m no special snowflake. Everyone has this ability. Everyone, you included, can create any reality they want. They can also create any version of any person they want. All it takes is getting one’s stories right on the subject of that person.

Well, that’s not all it takes. It also takes belief. And that’s where most people fail. If you don’t believe any of this is possible, if you think this story was just a bunch of coincidence, “circular logic” or “wishful thinking” then those beliefs put the kibosh on your ability to create your reality.

You still create your reality. You just don’t do it deliberately. So you get some of what you want and some of what you don’t. I prefer a life where everything I want comes to me easily.

Why not create your version of that life?

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How Trans and Trans-Attracted People Helped Trump Win

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

TL;DR: Many in the LGBTQ community, including some transgender and trans-attracted people, are panicking over the 2024 election outcome. In this story, the author shows how such people helped Trump win the presidency. Then they show what transgender and trans-attracted people can do next to benefit from what happened on Nov. 5.

I’m pretty thrilled with what happened last Tuesday. Although I must admit, I didn’t feel that way last Wednesday. That’s because my Broader Perspective assured me one candidate would prevail over the other.

That’s not what happened. Trump handily won. And it may be that the Senate and the House will fall to GOP majorities too. At the time of this writing, that’s unclear.

What is clear though is half of America is thrilled. The other half is flip-flopping through rage, depression, disbelief, terror and more. Included in the second half, I’m sure, are many, many trans and trans-attracted people, and many other LGBTQ people.

I didn’t vote for Trump. And I’m queer/transamorous. But I’m glad he’s going to be president. Not for reasons you may think though, dear reader.

In this post, I’ll lay out why I’m thrilled instead of terror-struck about the election results and why you should/could be as well.

Let’s get to it!

A brilliant manifester

Those who haven’t regularly read my blogs will struggle with what they’re about to read. I invite comments and questions, just try to keep them civil, please.

Those who have regularly read my blogs will find this post consistent with everything else I write. In fact, earlier this year, I wrote about Trump and his seeming amazing ability to thwart what some might call justice. I praised his ability as a manifester too.

There’s no two ways about it: Trump is a brilliant manifester. He focuses on what he wants and he doesn’t care about things like facts, the truth or what others think about him. As a result of his pure focus, he usually gets what he wants.

Discovering Trump’s recent massive increase in his personal fortune, thanks largely to Truth Social, astounded me for example. All those silly things he sold to his followers — coins, custom Bibles, shoes — are evident of his powerful manifestation momentum. Especially when it comes to money. But Truth Social really took the cake. Until the 2024 election.

Now, I don’t agree with anything he is about. And yet, I must admire his ability to focus. His ability to focus on what he wants…and manifest it is exemplary.

Willing participants

Not so much with some transgender and trans-attracted people and other LGBTQ community members. We all are points of consciousness, existing in a vibrational reality of All That Is. Our thoughts determine what we create as our life experience. That includes politics. There’s no evidence disputing this.

So when a person focuses on something they want and they don’t resist it they will realize that thing in their lives at some point. Again, resistance is key. If they focus a little on what they want, and a lot on what they don’t, that conflicting focus slows down and can even prevent them getting what they want. Indeed, that conflicting focus can actually produce exactly what they don’t want.

And that’s exactly what nearly every progressive person was doing, including myself, leading up to Nov. 5. That includes many transgender and trans-attracted people and, I’m sure, other LGBTQ people too. Yes, I wanted Harris to win. But was my focus purely on that outcome? Nope. I dabbled in resisting Trump. And doing so, I added momentum to all the others wanting him to win, including Trump himself. That’s right, every progressive focusing intently on what Trump was doing vibrationally aligned themselves with the GOP, Trump and MAGA.

And that’s why Trump prevailed in the election. All those progressive points of consciousness became cooperative components of Trump’s desire to win. So he did.

How it really works

So when I say everyone got what they wanted, that’s what happened. By “got what they wanted” I mean, they got what they mainly focused on. This is an important aspect of this “you create your reality” business. We don’t get what we say we want. We don’t even get what we think we want. What we get is the physical match to the dominant vibration we’re emanating. And we emanate through our focus.

When we focus on something we don’t want, if we keep doing that, that’s what’s going to manifest. Life experience is a reflection. It constantly reflects back to us what we’re emanating. Having our focus become visible in this way, life experience helps us understand what we’re emanating, even if we can’t feel the vibration.

This explains why it’s important to not focus on the now so much, especially when it contains what we don’t want. Because when we do that, we are focusing our emanate-or on the reflection of past focus or vibration. Doing that, we create again what we’ve already created in our reflection. That’s how “reality” persists; many points of consciousness are focused on what is, thereby perpetuating it.

To get what we want, we look at our reflection – what we’re emanating – and if what we see is not what we want to create next, then we shift our focus or emanation.

Most of us don’t know that, so when something shows up that we don’t want, we keep focusing on that. We complain about it, or push against it. We tell our friends about it and commiserate. And in doing that we create more of that.

That’s how we all helped Trump win. And yet, there’s a really good outcome inherent in getting what we don’t want. Let’s look at that next.

Setting up the prerequisite

Anyone can use physical reality to figure out what they’re creating. Indeed, that’s what it’s for. However, people can develop sensitivity sufficient to perceive how they’re vibrating too. They also can listen to thoughts they think on the regular. Thoughts are more-manifested vibration, after all. So if our sensitivity to vibration isn’t very keen, we can pay attention to our thinking. If that’s too much work, we can simply observe what shows up in our lives.

Nearly everyone not in a practice such as the one I show clients how to use has insufficient sensitivity to perceive their vibratory emanations. Many trans and trans-attracted people don’t bother thinking about how they’re thinking. They think thinking is just an automatic process. Not something creating their future.

So for all those people, it’s easiest to use their reality to tune to what they want. But some don’t even do that! It’s all good though: since we’re all eternal, we have all the time in the world to learn how to create what we want.

Many trans and trans-attracted people fear their physical reality. They think, for example, that now that Trump is president, they must flee the country. Or, those outside the US must fear the US. That’s flawed thinking because it’s based on a premise that will bite such people in the butt if they don’t realize it’s a flaw. We’ll get to the good outcome I alluded to above. Let’s first look at this flawed premise as a prerequisite. It’s important.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Beliefs create lack of control

I’ve shared this over and over: each of us exists in our own, individually-created reality. People in our reality are there as reflections. They reflect what we are thinking about the people they represent: strangers, letter carriers, loved ones, family members, coworkers, etc. So no one shares their reality with another. The practice I share makes this absolutely clear by pointing practitioners to evidence proving this the case. If you don’t believe this, then just assume it’s true for now.

Since we’re all in our own reality, and since we’re each the creator of that reality, nothing and no one can create something for us. Only we can. But if we think/believe that someone or something can create our reality, then our reality will reflect that back to us.

How? In the form of a reality seemingly being created by others.

It will also include events seeming to randomly happen, usually against our will. Again, it’s not that someone else is creating it or that what’s happening is random or accidental. We’re creating that experience from the belief (the vibration emanation) that draws that experience to us.

Many beliefs can do that. Here are examples and all them are fairly common in human consciousness:

  • Life is an accident of random processes
  • God is real and his will supersedes mine
  • Accidents happen
  • Bad luck happens
  • Good luck happens
  • Bad things happen to good people
  • Life is dangerous
  • Life is random
  • We never know when our time is up
  • Transphobes are a threat to my life
  • If my co-workers find out I’m trans-attracted, I’ll lose my job

Many more similar beliefs exist. But these should give us an idea of what beliefs create realities wherein it looks like others shape our experience.

Where reality comes from

The problem with such beliefs doesn’t end with the fact that they create realities that look like others can control what happens in our experience. Such beliefs, if believed, means that the person holding them must contend with such a reality!

So if we believe the world is going to hell because Trump is now president, we must leave the country, or even the world, if possible, because that belief will create experience consistent with it. I wouldn’t tell someone contemplating moving to Canada to stay in the US, for example. If they believe staying in the US is dangerous, they will perceive evidence proving this true. And eventually, they will attract to themselves experiences confirming the perceived danger.

But here’s the thing: another person, with the exact same conditions minus the belief about Trump will not see that evidence. And if they believe their reality springs from their empowering beliefs, it doesn’t matter that Trump is president. Because the president has no ability to force conditions to play out in our lives. Nor does anyone else. Unless we believe they do.

Focus creates reality. Thoughts create reality. Beliefs create reality. All three of these are the only Source of reality as it exists for each person. It’s important then, to cultivate beliefs consistent with the reality one wants.

But even if we don’t, the Universe and All That Is will help us do so. How? Well, now it’s time to visit that good outcome I mentioned above.

It’s a matter of choice

A hallmark of the practice I share describes the instantaneous creation of our ongoing reality experience. Part of that process includes our physical reality as a reflector. Here’s how that works. Here’s also how Trump winning the election is a good thing, especially for transgender and trans-attracted people.

Since our reality is a reflection, whether we’re conscious of it or not, we immediately know two things in the moment we experience the reflection: we know what we don’t want and we know what we do want.

In the case of “negative” reflections, the “not wanted” is front and center. Our emotions, thoughts and even our bodies sometimes reflect the “unwanted” aspect of an unpleasant experience. For nearly all progressives, Nov. 6 was an “unwanted” reality.

MAGA won with the help of progressives and trans and trans-attracted people.

But in that same instant, progressives also knew what they wanted. No, they didn’t want Tump to not be president. That’s still a focus on Trump, which leads to him being president.

Some progressives wanted freedom to be. Some wanted empowerment in their lives or the lives of people they know. Others wanted a country that, in their mind, cares for others. Many wanted all these things and more.

And in that moment of realization, in knowing what they wanted and what they didn’t want, they had a choice — a crucial choice. They could focus on what they wanted. Or they could focus on what they didn’t want.

I would bet nearly every single progressive in America focused, on Nov 6, on what they didn’t want. And they did that with very strong emotional intent. That’s a problem.

It must be

It’s a problem because all those progressives, while not knowing it, amplified Tump becoming president by focusing on that not-wanted situation and through their focus and emotions added more momentum to what they already focused into existence on Nov 5. It’s exactly what I described above about looking at what is and thereby creating more of that.

But some progressives (myself included) did something different. We expressed curiosity about what happened instead of fear or insecurity. We wondered how this happened. Then, getting an answer (what you’re reading here, dear reader) we decided to focus on what we want. In that focus, held no matter the evidence of the current reflection, we felt better. And in that better-feeling place, we emanate a more positive vibration.

That positive vibration must create a reflection in our lives consistent with that emanation. And it doesn’t matter that Trump won. But any progressives, including trans, trans-attracted and LGBTQ people, who try to do this, but also who believe Trump’s victory does matter, have the same problem progressives focusing on what they do not wanted have: they’re creating a reality for themselves that includes Trump controlling their life experience.

So the good news is, out of a negative experience, we know what we want and what we don’t. Line up with what we want and we will eventually get what we are lined up with. This is how the Universe works, so it MUST BE.

More and more GOP

A lot of progressives worry about other people. They worry about the poor. Some worry about LGBTQ people or other “disadvantaged” people such as BiPOC folks. The problem with that worry is, it doesn’t help.

If everything you just read is accurate (and it is) then those beliefs about those people create a reality for those believers in which those people are disadvantaged. If progressives really want to help others, their best bet is think the most empowering, positive and loving thoughts they can about everyone. Including their enemies (the GOP).

Because the hate or fear or worry progressives hold does nothing but disadvantage the very progressives holding such views. That holds doubly true for hate. Hating conservatives or transphobes doesn’t make them go away. Have you noticed? They haven’t gone anywhere. Indeed, we could say the conservative/transphobe movement has grown, become meaner and more effective. Thanks progressives!

Maybe it’s time we progressives take a different approach. One that nearly every spiritual leader suggests: love your enemies as yourself. I know that the more progressives who do that, the more those progressives’ lives will improve. My life shows that!

But those progressives can’t do anything to help another progressive’s life improve. Remember, we all create our own reality. Each progressive must do it for themselves. And many aren’t ready to do that.

No worry. We’re all eternal. And the world will keep reflecting back to such people a progressively awful life, until they surrender to the only power they have: the power of their Broader Perspective. And when they do, they’ll find everything they want is there.

No matter who is in the White House.

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What the best relationship looks and feels like

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

TL;DR: The author argues for trans and trans-attracted people being selfish as the way to create a happy life for themselves. They share a client’s experience in creating happiness to illustrate and support his argument.

Trans women and trans-attracted men: Let’s talk about relationships. There’s a lot to talk about here. Mainly because most of us feel relationships are one of the most, if not the most, important things. After all, we are told, we need relationships to be happy. Everything we do, need and want, it seems, comes through relationships. It is relationships with others that create community. It’s relationships through which we – supposedly – find love. Such relationships also create safety, belonging and a whole lot more.

And, if we’re honest with ourselves, relationships also offer the worst in humanity. Relationships with others are the framework through which some of humanity’s worst traits surface. Greed, conflict, psychopathy and violence all would be meaningless were it not for relationships.

So relationships aren’t all rainbows and butterflies, as the saying goes. We all know this. Just ask Israelis and the Palestinians…relationships can suck. And yet, a lot about what we seem to be – human – seems to compel us toward relationships. Especially relationships with other humans.

There’s a far more satisfying, powerful relationship, however, one through which everything we want comes. It’s so all-encompassing, we literally can’t survive without it. And when we prioritize that relationship above all else, we can live our wildest dreams.

That relationship is what I’m writing about today.

Let’s dive in.

Over all else

The relationship I’m referring to has nothing to do with a god, especially the Christian god or Jesus. But this relationship does tap into the power Christians ascribe to their god.

The trouble with this relationship, however, is it’s as plain as the nose on our faces, and yet, we invariably prioritize other relationships ahead of it. And that out-of-whack prioritization creates all the troubles we have in other relationships. That’s because that which we could enjoy a relationship with wants our undivided attention. When we give it that attention, undivided, everything else in life flows easily.

What relationship could I possibly be referring to?

The relationship with ourselves.

That’s right, there’s no better, more satisfying, more powerful relationship than the relationship with ourselves. The reason why is because everything we see “out there” in the world springs from this relationship. So when we get this relationship where it should be – as our number one priority – then everything “out there” falls in line.

It doesn’t happen in an instant. That would be magic and magic isn’t a thing. But when a person prioritizes themselves over all else, then gradually, all else reflects the improvement inherent with prioritizing a relationship with themselves over all else!

Selfishness: a virtue

That seems like circular logic, but, as I’ve written before, the Universe and All That Is functions on circular logic. All That Is exists to joyfully know itself. The paradox of that is, the more it seeks to know itself, the more of itself it creates. This process makes All That Is – and you and me – eternal. So the more All That Is seeks to know itself, it creates more of itself to know. That’s the glorious circular process often described in ancient teachings.

Now, some might argue that prioritizing one’s self over others leads to selfishness. I completely agree. But I know selfishness is not bad. In fact, it’s the best way to be. Because when one lives that way, they discover everything else, including other people, are able to take care of themselves, leaving the person free to be, enjoy and lavish their life.

Indeed, when we put ourselves first in all things, our life also improves. We stop trying to change things over which we have no control. Letting go of such tasks feels better and better. And when we feel better, the world around us reflects that better mood back to us. It reflects it in ever-improving life experiences.

So, really, we have control of all of our experience. How? Because experience reflects back to us our inner state. And when we prioritize our inner state – our relationship with ourselves – then our life experiences reflect that improved inner state.

We also feel love and other higher emotions more. That’s because when we seek to know ourselves, which is aligned with what the Universe always does, we can’t help but feel the eternal joy that is Universal consciousness.

Put it to the test

That previous section may sound like a bunch of “New Age” hooey. Especially to cynical, jaded trans women. But it’s 100 percent accurate. I can write forever about how powerful what you’re reading is. But nothing compares to evidence produced by your lived experience.

So if you’re having trouble believing this stuff, I suggest you prove to yourself how accurate it is.

So how do we prioritize the relationship with ourselves? It doesn’t seem easy when the entire outside world encourages prioritizing others over ourselves. So it takes practice. It helps to know that a “self” exists in us worthy of our undivided attention. That “self” is the “god in human form” I write about in my other blog. Discovering its existence is easy.

The best way to do that is by testing Positively Focused premises, which are summed up in the phrase “you create your reality through the stories you tell”. As a person tests these premises, they create, or manifest, experiences – people and things – that come in surprising, seemingly coincidental ways.

And when so many of such manifestations happen over and over, the person must acknowledge something other than “coincidence” is at work. That acknowledgement is just like acknowledging there is a self worthy of having a relationship with. Paradoxically, the person testing these premises, once they start seeing things happen, will want more things to happen. As more happens, they also get more bold: they want bigger things to happen.

As their desires grow in scale or magnitude, their trust grows. Their trust in themselves and in this self they are building a relationship with.

Betrayal births bitterness

Growing that relationship brings a necessary letting go of beliefs keeping us all prioritizing others over ourselves. As we let go of them, we might have to face hard-seeming choices. Often it means disregarding what others think of us. Sometimes that looks like cutting off certain people, including family members.

For example, a client recently faced having to cut off her daughter. Her daughter, the epitome of a hellion, raked the client over all kinds of emotional coals throughout their 20-year relationship. Yet, the client believed she had to be there for her daughter, despite the poor treatment, because that’s “what parents should do”.

Little did she know she created the belief “that’s what parents should do” after her parents did something the client considered unconscionable.

Throughout her youth, her parents promised her they’d save for and pay for her college. But when the client was 16, the parents reneged on their promise. Because of this the client felt her parents betrayed her. She bitterly resented their decision and that bitterness festered in her.

An angel disguised as a devil

The betrayal was personal for her. So, when she had a child out of wedlock, something she didn’t want in the first place, the client swore to “make things right” by not doing to her daughter what her parents did to her.

The problem with all of that is the Universe has an amusing way of showing us all how our bogus beliefs aren’t in our best interest. It will give us experiences reflecting our bogus beliefs right back at us. If you think all men interested in trans women are chasers, you’ll only meet that kind of guy, for example. If you believe all trans women are not passable or psycho, you’ll get that. In the client’s case, the Universe gave her a hellion daughter. And boy, did this young person torture her!

Their relationship was making the client miserable. Little did she realize, this daughter was an angel the client sent herself. The angel’s mission: to teach the client she has everything she needs within her, to stop blaming her parents, and to put herself first.

After weeks of learning to prioritize herself through what I offer, the client, after one particularly harrowing conversation with her daughter, decided to do just that. She cut her daughter off and the relief she felt was immediate. With each passing day, her relief grew.

Doubling down

Thirty days in, she was feeling great. But then, her old created reality, born of her belief “that’s what parents should do” reasserted itself. Her daughter reached out and kept reaching out. She wanted to “fix” their relationship. The client couldn’t resist. She felt pulled, by her belief, to reconnect. Which is what she did.

This kind of thing typically happens. A client will have an epiphany making their life much better. But then, old belief momentum draws them back into their old way of being, the being they left behind. Usually, when that happens, it shows the client why they would have been better off not letting that happen.

But there’s no way clients can get it wrong. For these kinds of “set backs” actually amplify their commitment to put themselves first. Which is exactly what happened with this client.

The reconnection was horrible. Nothing got “fixed”. And it reminded the client what had been absent for 30 days. It also put those past 30 days of relief, peace and ease in proper perspective. She wanted more of that. So she doubled down on cutting her daughter off.

The way to relief

Two weeks after her recommitment her husband said something remarkable over dinner.

“You seem really happy,” he told her. The client agreed, she did feel happy, happier than she had in decades. The husband credited that return to happiness to his wife cutting her daughter off. But the client knew it was primarily because she was putting herself first and that caused her to make a choice she otherwise would not have been able to do.

A week later, her husband once again noticed.

“It’s so good seeing you so happy,” he said. The client agreed. She said she was returning to the self she knew before her daughter “happened”.

Now, it’s not that the client doesn’t love her daughter. She loves her and wants the best for her. But she realizes that, to be happy, she must put herself first. And when she does that, she thrives. And as she thrives, eventually, her daughter will too. That must happen because the client’s experience and everything in it, including her daughter, reflects back to her, her inner state. Before, her daughter reflected the client’s inner turmoil. Turmoil born of expecting her parents to have put her first, when, obviously, they could not have.

Their decision not to pay for their child’s college was the right thing: they had to put themselves first. The client was making them wrong for doing what they knew was right. And so, the Universe, through her daughter, was showing the client the way to relief.

Putting ourselves first is the best way to personal happiness. (Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash)

It’s all choice

And that’s the thing about realizing what comes from putting ourselves first. We realize no one is responsible for our happiness but us. And, no one can make us happy but us. Any other happiness source is fleeting, capricious and fickle. As such, such happiness sources are not in our best interest to put before the one relationship that really matters.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned before, everything in our experience improves when we do this. And so, the client’s daughter’s life must also improve, as she learns what her mother did: That she must put herself first and stop relying on her mother for her happiness…or anything else, including tuition, food and rent.

Relationships are not about people coming together, planning together, working out problems, coming up with solutions together, compromising, and investing in and extracting from each other what they need, all while claiming to love one another. Rather, each person is 100 percent responsible as a creator for creating the best version of their life.

When they do that, the whole world improves, but only for that person. In the meantime, those choosing a different life way fade out of that person’s experience. Then those reflecting the person’s new choice show up as reflections of that choice made.

This explains why so much variety in life experience exists. People are choosing, either deliberately or not, then the world reflects back to them the nature of that choice.

It’s all about unconditional love

This means, first cultivating a strong relationship with one’s self is paramount. When that happens, life reflects back to the person only the best things in life, because that’s just what happens when one puts themselves first.

Then, and only then, can a person create better versions of life AND better versions of people in their lives. They create versions of people by coming into the presence of another with their relationship with themselves so secure, that that other person has no choice but to reflect back to the creator a version of them matching what’s going on in the creator.

And when the creator achieves that, sees the person exhibiting the version of themselves the creator envisioned, and then revels in that, the manifestation of evidence of their creation, then that person being created feels that reveling as unconditional love for them. And that changes that person irreparably.

That’s why selfishness is so important. It can literally change human relationships. It does that through love, which is what ourselves have in abundance for us.

And that’s how we can influence others in the best way. “Influence” happens whether we know we’re doing it or not. Unfortunately, for most of us, we’re using that influence by recreating versions of people we don’t like, by complaining about their behavior, wishing they were someone that they’re not, or complaining in general.

Meanwhile the one relationship that empowers us to have a different experience of all we experience awaits us. That relationship is all unconditional love. And when we prioritize that relationship, we become that: Unconditional love.

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This Trans-Attracted Man’s Life Gets Better And Better

TL;DR: The author shares the story of a trans-attracted man who finds bliss in his discovery that his reality comes from stories he tells.

Every time a client texts me with evidence their life is getting better, I delight in the receipt. That’s because I know when they send me such messages, they’re having the time of their lives. It’s also delightful because their improved life amplifies my knowing in this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business, aka (by some) as “Wishful Thinking”. LOL.

When some people use that “Wishful Thinking” moniker, they’re being pejorative. They don’t believe this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business is real. They believe that because this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business is working for them. It’s just reflecting back to them the manifestation of their belief: that this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business doesn’t work, or it’s pseudoscience or new age quackery.

The jokes on them though because this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business is working, just like it does for me and all my clients. I love that!

But I love more when clients text me with their wonder. That’s what I’m writing about today.

Beliefs defending themselves

This past week a trans-attracted client finds himself as wonder-filled as I am. Except, he’s finding himself so dumbfounded by his manifestation results, he sometimes slips into disbelief.

I love when that happens too because it means that client finds himself in a Belief Confrontation. A Belief Confrontation is when All That Is shows us something at odds with our beliefs. When that happens, the juxtaposition of our belief, and the reality we’re experiencing at that moment, is so jarring, our belief “defends” itself.

Our belief doesn’t put up its dukes and gets into a fist-fight with the reality. It’s not human after all. But the energy and momentum comprising our belief is strong. And that strong momentum, when confronted with another strong momentum of energy or vibration, experiences a kind of polarity shift. Kind of like when you try put two magnets together and they repulse one another.

When that polarity shift happens in a human, the human feels an emotion. Typically the emotion is negative. That negative emotion comes on instantaneously and can feel so strong it can compel the human into a psychologically defensive stance. They’ll resist that which doesn’t accord with their beliefs. Or they might willfully ignore it.

Our civilization is full of examples illustrating this process underway. And it’s underway all the time, everywhere.

It really works

After clients produce evidence that “you create your reality by the stories you tell” is accurate, force accompanying Belief Confrontations ease, allowing the client to feel the force without it taking them over. That’s what happened with this client. He deserves some praise because he’s significantly soothed his Belief Confrontations around the fact that he’s in the driver’s seat of his life, no one else, and that he can create any life he wants.

So when he texted me, he briefly expressed some disbelief, but followed that up with a string of evidence showing this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business works. And that balance – between the brief disbelief and the litany of evidence – amplified within him his growing momentum aligning with the belief “this ‘you create your reality by the stories you tell’ business really works!”

Here’s what he texted me:

A trans-attracted client amplifying his belief in this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business by sharing his powerful results.

There’s no evidence proving this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business doesn’t work. Again, even for those who think it doesn’t work, it’s working. It’s working by showing those people a reality in which the belief “this ‘you create your reality by the stories you tell’ business doesn’t work” doesn’t work!

But for those willing to soften that belief, those people’s worlds will increasingly show them that this “you create your reality by the stories you tell” business does work. And as that evidence grows, the person will consciously come into their own power. The power they knew they had when they first incarnated as human.

The Charmed Life

We all came here in our human experiences to enjoy our creative power. That includes trans people. We all are incipient gods becoming more in a structure we have created as a part of the consciousness of All That Is. That sure sounds like a circular argument. But that’s only because All That Is is circular in its awareness and purpose.

All That Is is all about one thing: knowing itself through expanding its awareness of itself. That’s its purpose. And it joyfully prosecutes that purpose. We are physical expressions of All That Is seeking to expand its self-awareness. As such, we too can joyfully create our experiences as we move through our human lives.

We don’t have a choice about the expansion or the experience. But we do have a choice in how that experience happens, what’s included in it, what’s not, and how much we enjoy that experience. That’s our innate gift we give ourselves.

And when we choose to deliberately create experiences which bring us joy, then that experience of human life just gets better and better. Just as my clients are seeing in their lives. And as I’m seeing in mine. It’s the Charmed Life. And it’s available to everyone. Even trans people.

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Trans People Aren’t Victims And I’m Not Blaming Them

TL;DR: The author answers a question about whether a person is blaming someone by telling them they create their reality. Then they explain why so many fail to hear their liberating message.

A trans-attracted guy I’m working with recently asked a question about the idea expressed in the phrase “you create your reality.”

He asked “When we tell ourselves a story that people who attract [negative] experiences bring it upon themselves through their [negative] vibration, are we also falling into the vibration of ‘blame’? Do we not all attract [negative] experiences no matter what?”

He went further as an explanation:

“Think about Jesus getting crucified, MLK getting shot, or maybe even any [negative] experience you or me have attracted in recent memory. It seems like the [negative] experiences happen no matter what. Couldn’t the same or similar circumstances still happen to a person with [highly positive] dominant momentum?”

These are excellent questions. Other clients asked similar questions before. And, I know many trans women think I’m blaming them for their troubles when I tell them they’re creating their reality, even though I’m not.

So let’s take a look at these questions as a way of clarifying what’s happening here.

The power we’ve always had

In short, no, I’m not falling into blaming people when I tell them they are creating their reality. Instead, I’m empowering them.

But it’s hard for a trans woman, or anyone really, to hear the empowerment if they’re in a deeply negative state. That’s why a few trans women write me rebutting what I offer.

I’m ok with that. I know how hard it can be to hear someone tell us we’re responsible for the problems we face. But really, who else is creating those circumstances? It seems like others are doing it. But that’s why we keep getting more of those situations; because the universe is trying to show us that, indeed, we’re doing it. And when we stop doing it, our lives improve. We also come into tremendous power. Power that was ours from the get-go.

Experiences a person with strong negative stories has cannot happen to someone else who is consistently telling positive stories. But it’s hard to tell what’s really happening with someone by outward appearances, which is why it’s best to just mind our own damn business.

For example, a client’s relatives were once highly respected church leaders. Congregation members looked up to these people as community paragons. What they didn’t know is what my client knew; that these relatives were drug-addicted alcoholics who struggled with all kinds of problems and they rarely lived behind the scenes according to what they said in church.

Creating life they saw possible

Outward appearances don’t tell the whole story. Neither do the words coming out a person’s mouth. What a person’s life looks like tells a more accurate picture. But even that can be misleading, for many reasons.

The main reason is because we each live in our own realities, separate from others’ realities. This is one reason, by the way, why we have so much power to create any reality we want; no one else exists in our reality but us. And, in that reality, we don’t have full access to another’s reality.

Overlaps do exist between people’s realities. But those overlaps are created by each individual in their own reality. In other words, we only see and experience our version of the overlap. The other person’s experience remains inaccessible.

Again, this explains why so much empowerment exists in “you create your reality”. No one else is in it but us. So we can create any experience we want, including versions of others (the overlap) matching what we want to see. These versions don’t show up in an instant, which explains why it can seem like nothing changes when it actually is changing. And this is also why it’s important to have a guide, someone who knows how this “you create your reality business” works. Such a person can show where evidence exists proving what we want is happening.

And, when a person starts seeing that evidence, joy about life returns. It was always there, but now, the person is returning to their original intent when they chose to come into physical existence: to joyfully create the life they saw possible.

So next let’s look at the leaders my client gave as examples.

About the enlightened ones

First off, Jesus isn’t a good example because he wasn’t a real person. Instead, he acted as an archetype in the imaginations of humankind at the time. Human imagination is akin to All That Is. It is the Source from which everything stems. That environment is also shared by a horde of other beings. All these beings are cooperating to guide humanity as it lives its human existence.

From time to time, humanity as a whole will receive “guidance”. It will come as a massive injection of information, usually in the form of a dream or incident, one that doesn’t happen in physical. The life of Christ was one such experience. Why else do you think there’s no physical evidence of his existence?

MLK, on the other hand was a real person. As such, his experience was different. He came into the world knowing he would have a huge impact on the world. He also knew and accepted and allowed his assassination. There are records showing this. I believe it includes a letter, written in his own hand, describing his awareness. In other words, he allowed it as part of his path.

There are lots of enlightened beings, meanwhile, who die in far more peaceful ways, including the iconic Buddha. More pass peacfully than those whose lives end tragically.

Bad things don’t happen to good people. When they seem to, then our judgement of that person is off, not what happened to them.

The contrast is all good

Now, saying someone brings a negative experience onto themselves can express blame, if the speaker IS in an energy of blaming. When I say this, however, I’m appreciative of the vast empowerment the statement implies. I’m in appreciation of the person I’m talking to; appreciation of the person’s immense power

I talk about this all the time in my blogs. Especially with regard to trans women.

“Bad things” or “contrast” as I call them, happens. But that contrast lessens the more positive we are. So while a person with chronic [negative] vibration will have their purse stolen, for example, a chronic [highly positive] person may drop a glass they were washing. Or they may experience a really hot day. Or they may want to buy something and that thing isn’t on sale anymore. They experience much less intense contrast or negative experiences in other words.

And, since a person who is REALLY highly positive recognizes that all [negative] experience is actually positive, they amplify such experiences…to the point that even these lighter versions do not happen. They happen sometimes, but they’re not experienced as contrasting experiences. It’s just all good.

Helping people find liberation

So no, I’M not “falling into blame” by saying another who experiences [negative] experiences brings it on themselves. Everyone creates their own reality. That’s a statement of empowerment.

But if you, dear reader, are mainly in negative energy you won’t read it as empowering. Instead, you’ll read it as blaming. Everyone hears through the filters of their beliefs, they typically don’t hear what’s actually being said. And so their interpretation can vastly differ from the speaker’s intent.

Again, this explains why some trans women read what I write then double down on their beliefs, their interpretations of the world around them. If you’re one of those people, I’m not saying your interpretation is wrong or invalid. What I am saying is there’s a more empowering interpretation than saying “All the anti-trans legislation is threatening me and my sisters.” or “all men who are interested in me are tranny-chasers”.

Those kinds of interpretations of the world around you can’t possibly feel good. And that not-good-feeling is telling you something important. You may not know what it’s telling you, but that doesn’t mean it’s not trying to tell you.

For those who learn what those not-so-good feelings are saying, then take that message to heart and do something, those people’s lives get better. My clients are living proof of this. My life is too.

So no, I don’t blame trans people for negative experiences they live. I’m trying to liberate them from such experiences. How? By showing them how to liberate themselves…by giving up thinking others are doing something to them.