Tag: Trans-attraction

Posted on

Freedom for Trans People Demands A New Perspective

TL;DR: In this post the author reframes the trans experience through their mirror consciousness lens which shifts causality inward and away from blame narratives. Releasing blame, the author writes, restores agency, transforms relationships, and invites freedom through lived awareness rather than living a life constrained by seeking external validation or control.

If there is a common reaction I receive when I write from the mirror-based perspective, which is fundamental to the life approach I advocate, it is this: people hear blame where none is being offered. What’s meant as empowerment is received as accusation. While I’m offering liberation it is often interpreted as dismissal of lived pain. That interpretation comes exclusively from trans women.

And that reveals just how deeply blame narratives are woven into our collective understanding of harm, justice, and identity—especially within marginalized communities. Pretty much every marginalized community expresses the same narratives. These days, even majority communities often share those narratives.

Some Christians, for example, claim they are being persecuted. Even white men these days blame woke culture for their pain. But the focus I’m bringing in this post is to the trans community, which, of course, includes trans-attracted men like me. This is my audience. And so I’m offering an opportunity for liberation from a narrative that imprisons more than it liberates.

I’m not arguing against anyone’s experience. What I am doing is this: I’m offering a different framework altogether, one that doesn’t rely on blame to create change and doesn’t require anyone to be “wrong” for someone else to be free.

What a Blame Narrative Actually Does

Blame narratives arise for understandable reasons. People feel hurt. Some feel marginalized. Those same people are experiencing mistreatment for sure. Naming injustice, therefore, can be clarifying and necessary.

But blame narratives do something very specific: they locate causality outside the self. In a blame-based framework, healing depends on other people changing. Safety depends on the world becoming different. Self-empowerment and opportunity are something granted—or withheld—by external forces.

That orientation may feel morally solid, but it comes with a huge cost. When causality lives outside of us, so does agency. What’s more, externalizing causality makes the future conditional. It slows growth and advancement. Familiar unsatisfying patterns keep repeating and for good reason. Those patterns are offering feedback we can use to get out of those very patterns. But we can’t get out of them when we blame others for what’s happening to us.

Blame, therefore, can be accurate and still be limiting. It can also create repetitive patterns that unwittingly lock those doing the blaming in unsatisfactory lives.

Blame can be accurate. But it also creates repetitive patterns that lock those blaming into unsatisfying lives.

Mirror Consciousness: Not Blame, Not Bypass

Mirror consciousness, on the other hand, offers a radically different orientation. It does not say “this is your fault.” Nor does excuse harm. It also does not deny social realities. Instead, it asks a totally different question: What is this experience showing me about what is active within me right now?

The mirror does not assign guilt. What it does is it reveals information. From a non-dual perspective, life is not happening to us. It is happening with us—responding to our beliefs, expectations, fears, and unintegrated parts. Life reflects our stories in other words.

It’s reflecting back to us persistent stories we tell ourselves on many, many subjects. Again, it’s doing this so that we can do something about these stories, stories from which our reality springs. The mirror, therefore, is not punishing us. It’s not rewarding us either. It’s just giving feedback. What we do with that feedback is pivotal.

And if we do nothing, usually the feedback intensifies. Why? Because All That Is is intelligent and it wants us all to enjoy the blissful, joyful state of being that is the natural state of All That Is. It therefore lovingly offers this feedback, this mirror, so we can tune in.

There’s no morality involved in mirror consciousness. In fact, we could say that this process is mechanical, not moral. And that’s why it’s so powerful.

So why do so many in the trans community refuse to accept this perspective? Why do so many trans women push back when I tell them they are creating their experiences, particularly in relationships? And why do they blame men for their relationship experiences?

Why This Perspective Often Feels Unacceptable

Simply put, it’s because owning that we are the Source of our experience can be emotionally painful at first because it supposes that perhaps the problem is within us, not “out there”. Mirror consciousness threatens something many people, especially those in the trans community, rely on for stability: righteous positioning.

Blame narratives provide clarity. They establish heroes and villains. Such narratives demarcate the difference between us (those who share our pain) and them (those we blame for our pain). Mirror consciousness removes that scaffolding. Instead of asking “Who is responsible for this?” it asks “What is this preparing me to see?”

That shift can feel destabilizing, and, as I wrote above, emotionally painful. Especially for people whose identities have been forged through rejection, fear, struggle and survival. It’s also why this framework cannot be adopted through intelligence alone.

One cannot think their way into mirror consciousness. It can only be lived into. And this is another reason why many trans women reject this approach. They think they’re right about their life and won’t accept another has a better approach. Especially a cis-appearing trans-attracted man, someone who represents the very people trans people blame for their experiences.

That’s unfortunate for such women. For they attack the messenger instead of trying on a message that can radically transform their experiences for the better.

Some of my readers, mostly trans women, attack the messenger instead of trying on a message that can radically transform their experiences for the better.

Relationships Are Not Tests of Readiness

One of the most persistent myths in modern relational thinking is the idea that people must become “emotionally ready” before entering relationships. “He’s not ready for a relationship with a trans woman” some say. Or, “He’s fetishizing me in secret because he’s not ready to be with me in the open.” From a mirror-based perspective, however, this is backwards.

We are ready for every relationship we enter—because we entered it. Relationships are not rewards for emotional maturity; they are the mechanism through which maturity develops. Every relationship, therefore, is real and on purpose. Each connection serves everyone involved. That’s especially true for painful relationships. Not all relationships are meant to last after all. Many, nearly all of them, are meant instead to teach. And the teaching goes both ways.

But many people who feel righteous in their pain believe they must hold on to that righteousness, especially in relationship, in order to survive. It served them in the past, they say. Some even say holding onto this righteousness is an act of self love.

And here’s where we must make a distinction. This distinction matters deeply. There’s a big difference between “self love” and self preservation. Self-preservation is survival-based. It says, “I must do this or I will not make it.” Self-love is expansive. It says, “I trust who I am becoming.” Many courageous acts—coming out, transitioning, leaving unsafe situations—can be rooted in either. Both are valid. But they do not produce the same results.

Self-preservation stabilizes life. Self-love changes what shows up next. Confusing the two keeps people stuck repeating similar relational patterns while believing they have already “done the work” when they haven’t actually. And if the same relationship patterns keep happening there’s still work to do.

Why I Don’t Center Blame—On Anyone

My work does not blame trans women. It does not excuse men. It does not reduce complex dynamics to psychology or pathology. What I do with clients also does not place empowerment “out there.” Blame—no matter how justified—keeps power external. Mirror consciousness returns it inward, where it can actually be used.

My approach is about being free. Not “right.”

Freedom requires something deeper than insight and intellectual understanding. It requires confirmation—moments where life responds differently because you are different. That’s when this framework stops being theory and becomes evidence in life experience, especially relationship experience. When someone embraces the mirror consciousness approach, their life experiences change immediately. The change first shows up in themselves. Then, since life is a mirror, their external experiences change too.

My work with clients isn’t about assigning or validating blame narratives. It’s about creating satisfying lives by centering empowerment within the individual.

In time life changes so profoundly, the person changing want’s more and more. Amidst all that evidence they become convinced they create their reality. And in that state, they step into an immense amount of empowerment. When they do, they are ready to meet the relationship that mirrors that empowerment.

In the meantime, relationships prior to making that internal change keep reflecting the distortion that people outside of us are to blame for experiences we have.

Making such a switch takes a while for many reasons. For one, life is not magic. We cannot create a life we want without first doing something about the one we have, the reflection we’ve persistently created. We must first retire that life and that takes a while. But along the way, we get glimmers of our new lives. The lives that contain everything we want, including better lovers.

This Framework Is Not for Everyone

All that said, mirror consciousness is not a universal solution, and it is not appropriate for every stage of healing. It is for people who are tired of repeating the same relational dynamics. This approach is for those willing to feel destabilized before feeling sovereign. It’s for those ready to experiment with causality rather than argue about it or being right about why their life is the way it is.

For others, validation and advocacy may be the medicine they need right now. I see that as a timing issue. When someone is ready for the medicine they need, that medicine often shows up at the right time. Not before.

Where we place causality determines where power lives. When power lives outside us, life feels adversarial. It looks that way too. When power lives within us, life becomes responsive. Mirror consciousness doesn’t ask anyone to deny harm. It asks us to notice what changes when we stop organizing our future around harm. It asks “can life be better if we are willing to let go of putting our identity on the harm we have experienced?”

That noticing, that questioning — tested, lived, and confirmed — is where real transformation begins. For those ready to explore this framework experientially, The Transamorous Network exists as a space for inquiry, not doctrine. A place to test ideas against lived reality.

Understanding isn’t enough. Only lived confirmation makes the life my clients and I know is possible real. It’s available for anyone willing to try something they perhaps haven’t before: letting go of blaming the world for the world they experience.

Posted on

How This Trans Woman Manifested a Better Lover

I manage the this blog as well as another, called Positively Focused. Positively Focused also has a YouTube channel. On that channel I dive deep into the Positively Focused practice, which is the same practice I talk about on this blog.

A transgender client recently created for herself a remarkable series of events using the practice I walk clients through. It was worthy of a YouTube video celebrating the experience because she thought what happened was impossible….until it happened. I thought it so good I would share it here with my readers of this blog. I think you’ll find it remarkable. Definitely worth watching…

Trans women, like all people, are powerful creators. The best way to express that creative ability is by telling better stories. Like Samira has done, you can do the same thing. Nothing stands between you and getting what you want but you. Samira figured this out (pretty quickly). You can too.

Posted on

When Trans-Attraction Challenges Love: Martha’s Hidden Gift

TL;DR: The author shares Martha’s story—a cis woman and her trans-attracted partner—to show how even relationships that seem doomed can serve deep personal and spiritual expansion.

Martha came to The Transamorous Network in despair. A cisgender woman living on the East Coast, she’s surrounded by LGBTQ friends, including several transgender women. Yet despite being open-minded, supportive, and caring, she found herself in a painful emotional knot.

At 37, Martha is divorcing her husband, raising a teenager, and struggling to find her footing financially. Her marriage ended after discovering her husband had been having sex with her while she slept—behavior she rightly identified as sexual abuse. That experience left her shaken, confused, and feeling powerless.

In the midst of this upheaval, she met “Jack,” a senior construction manager. For the last three years, Jack has provided emotional and financial stability. He’s been her partner through the divorce and a source of companionship when she’s felt most alone. But there’s a catch: Martha recently discovered that Jack has been secretly reaching out to transgender women in her local community.

A Painful Discovery and a Familiar Pattern

Through her transgender friends, Martha saw messages between Jack and several trans women. These communications made it clear that Jack has a long-standing attraction to trans women—something he denied when confronted. He admitted only to occasionally “indulging” when drunk, describing it as a taboo thrill.

Martha’s trans friends warned her that men like Jack rarely change, and that the relationship would end in heartbreak. Deep down, she agreed. Her intuition told her the same thing. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Financially, she’s dependent on him. Emotionally, she feels connected.

It’s easy to assume this is a story about betrayal or weakness, but what’s really happening here is something deeper. Martha and Jack are a perfect match—not because they’re soulmates in the romantic sense, but because they share the same vibrational patterns of uncertainty and self-worth. Each is reflecting the other’s negative belief-momentum.

Jack fears being authentic about his trans-attraction. Martha fears standing on her own. Both are learning through this relationship what it means to accept themselves.

When Love Isn’t Love (Yet)

During our conversation, I gently told Martha something she hadn’t considered: she doesn’t truly love Jack. She cares for him, yes. But real love is unconditional. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person changes, stays, or behaves the way we want.

If Martha loved Jack in the truest sense, she would love all of him—including his trans-attraction. That doesn’t mean she should tolerate dishonesty or abandon her boundaries. It means love, as a state of being, is unconditional.

The painful irony is that what she calls “love” is really fear—fear of being alone, fear of financial instability, fear of what her future might look like without him. She says she wants to stay because she loves him, but what keeps her there is insecurity. And that insecurity perfectly mirrors Jack’s. He stays in hiding because he, too, is afraid—of judgment, of rejection, of what his attraction says about him.

Their relationship isn’t broken. It’s perfectly designed to help them both face themselves.

Martha’s relationship with Jack can benefit both…even as it doesn’t last. And the two can depart in love.

Every Relationship Is a Stepping Stone

Most people think relationships are supposed to last forever, and when they don’t, something must have gone wrong. But from a spiritual perspective, that’s not how relationships work. Every connection serves a purpose. Some are long-term, some brief, but all are stepping stones toward greater clarity and self-understanding.

Martha and Jack’s relationship may never become the romantic ideal she wants. Yet, it’s still valuable. Jack provides the stability that allows her to rediscover her sense of worth and capability. Martha provides the compassion and safety Jack needs to begin accepting his authentic self as a trans-attracted man.

When both partners understand this higher purpose, even a relationship that ends can end beautifully—with gratitude, not resentment. That’s the gift of awareness.

So often we define success in relationships by longevity. But success isn’t measured in years together—it’s measured in how much both people grow into joy while they’re together.

When Letting Go Is the Loving Thing

Martha’s intuition is already telling her what’s coming. She knows Jack will eventually pursue a trans woman openly. She can sense that her time with him has an expiration date. And yet, she also senses that she’s not quite ready to walk away.

That’s okay. She doesn’t need to rush. What matters most is that she uses this time to rediscover her independence—to see herself not as a victim of circumstance but as a deliberate creator of her life.

If she can find her footing, she’ll eventually release Jack in peace, appreciating how much this relationship taught her about love, fear, and authenticity. She’ll also leave space for Jack to step fully into his truth—something every trans-attracted man must eventually do if he wants to live joyfully and honestly.

A New Way to See Your Relationship

Maybe you see yourself in Martha or Jack. Maybe you’re in a relationship that feels like it’s going nowhere, or one that feels painful but hard to leave. You might think the only solutions are to stay and suffer, or to leave and start over. But there’s another option: to see your relationship for what it really is—a co-creative opportunity for growth.

When we shift our perspective, we reconnect with our empowerment. We stop labeling the relationship as “failing” and start appreciating it for what it’s showing us about ourselves. That shift alone can bring relief, expansion, and, sometimes, a completely unexpected renewal of love.

Whether our relationship continues or ends, our expansion is guaranteed—if we let it be.

Conclusion: The Gift Hidden in Every Relationship

Martha’s story isn’t tragic. It’s beautiful. Beneath the pain lies a perfect design—two people reflecting each other’s unmet needs so they can find wholeness.

Every relationship, no matter how temporary or turbulent, offers the same opportunity. The question is whether we can see it.

If you’re in a relationship that feels stuck or doomed, don’t despair. You might not need to end it—you might only need to see it differently.

When you’re ready to discover what your relationship is really trying to show you, schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 session at The Transamorous Network. You may find that what looks like an ending is actually your next beginning.

Posted on

How Two Trans Women Reflected My Old And New Life

TL;DR: The author reflects on two contrasting interactions with trans women—one critical, one affirming—as divine guidance. The post explores how vibrational alignment shapes experience and how all feedback is a mirror.

Recently, I had two experiences unfold within days of each other — one critical, one deeply affirming. On the surface, they couldn’t have been more opposite. But viewed through the lens of “Your stories create your reality”, they were identical in purpose. They both came to show me something.

One was a correspondence with a transgender woman—let’s call her Janet—who found my work on The Transamorous Network off-putting. The other was a heartfelt 1:1 consultation with a different transgender woman—let’s call her Nancy—who reached out after reading 20+ blog posts and loving the material. Nancy is a scientist, nearly finished with medical school, and also steeped in clinical psychology. And yet, what she said after our session struck me the most: “Yes: I want to work with you.”

Let’s rewind to what led up to that moment.

Janet’s comments: Resistance in Disguise

When Janet first reached out, she let me know right away she didn’t like what I was writing about. She disagreed with the term “transamorous.” She challenged the need to even distinguish between attraction to cis women and attraction to trans women. In her view, labeling that difference was, at best, redundant—and at worst, invalidating to trans identities.

I get it.

Many trans women carry deep scars from rejection, invalidation, and dismissal — particularly from men. So when someone like me comes along and dares to suggest that trans-attraction is its own unique phenomenon — not fetish, not confusion, but something spiritually profound — it can bring up all kinds of discomfort, what I call a Belief Confrontation.

But discomfort doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It means I’m touching something real. So I responded to Janet with clarity, not defensiveness. I explained:

  • That trans-attracted men often go through years—decades, even—of pain, confusion, and self-hatred.
  • Many of them love trans women, and yet, their love is hard to express inside a culture that insists on binaries.
  • Transamory is not a rejection of trans womanhood. It’s an embrace of it. A spiritual calling that draws a man toward a woman whose path, like the man’s path, includes a powerful transformation.

But what I most wanted her to know was this: You don’t need to agree with my work. My work is not about convincing. It’s about aligning. It’s here for those who resonate — because they’re ready to love and be loved in a new way.

And then — just a few days later — Nancy showed up.

Nancy’s Arrival: Alignment Echoes Loudly

Nancy is in the middle of her transition and is contemplating gender confirmation surgery. But she reached out to me because she sensed something about that desire didn’t feel entirely clear, among other things, including the kinds of men she had been meeting. She wondered if her experiences were coming from positive stories or unhelpful ones.

So she set up a 1:1.

We spoke far longer than the usual 30-minute free session. Why? Because we both felt resonance. Here was a woman steeped in science—medicine, psychology—and yet, she wasn’t looking for a therapist. She was looking for resonance; a deeper knowing. Something that went beyond textbooks, data sets and science.

She’s going to find it in this practice.

I didn’t tell her what to do about surgery. That’s not my job. What I offered instead was a reflection of her own knowing. I helped her sense whether her momentum was aligned or reactive. And in that space, something clicked. That’s why she wanted to become a client.

Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding.

And that’s when it hit me: Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding. They arrived within the same week, orbiting the same subject—me and my work—offering radically different reflections. Janet revealed the remnants of past momentum. Nancy confirmed my current alignment.

And that’s the beauty of what I teach. To explain:

A Return from Negative Momentum

Back in December, I stopped writing for The Transamorous Network blog. Perhaps you noticed. I noticed that my focus on trans-attraction and transamory back then had slipped into negative momentum focus. I was drawing more and more criticism from angry readers—many of whom didn’t understand my perspective or what I was offering. All of them were trans women.

I tried for a long time to clear up their misunderstandings and limited beliefs. But those people couldn’t hear what I was saying. That’s because their Belief Constellations ranged far from where I am in my knowledge about life experience. So the more I tried to uplift them, the harder they pushed. And the harder they pushed, the more entrained I got. 

Until I realized what I was doing. 

When I did, I stopped pushing against that resistance. I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate. No more posts for that blog! In doing so, I let the negative momentum subside by not feeding it further.

I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate.

Months later—without me publishing a single new post—new readers began reaching out again. Trans-attracted men, wives of trans-attracted men, even gay men sent me messages. They all were asking for guidance, for support, for answers. Not with anger—but with curiosity and warmth. And with understanding that I offer something of value.

That’s how I knew something shifted.

And then came Janet and Nancy, nearly at the same moment. Both represented clear reflections that I was now standing in a different vibrational space—one where I was ready to choose what momentum I wanted to amplify.

An Option to Focus

Janet mirrored my old stories—stories I had already soothed. Stories that had me pushing against trans women’s lack of understanding, insecurity and anger. Nancy mirrored new energy—stories I was now allowing. Ease in my being. Allowing instead of pushing. Letting the Universe present me with what I want. Not pushing against what I don’t.

Both Janet and Nancy offered a chance to decide where I wanted to place my focus and which stories I wanted to foster. They invited me to ask myself: Do I want more of this (Nancy)? Or more of that (Janet)?

Not because one is good and the other is bad. But because the Universe will always give us what we focus on.

So I leaned into Nancy’s presence—her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore. And with that choice, I messaged Janet and let her know I was ending the correspondence. I told her why—not out of avoidance, or anger, but out of alignment. I explained that I was following what felt best, and honoring where my energy was now flowing.

Letting that go was a powerful, gentle release. It reminded me: Everyone is a divine being offering guidance—not always with praise or agreement, but always with clarity if we’re willing to see it. 

I leaned into Nancy’s presence — her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore.

Choosing Your Life

The Universe doesn’t waste energy. Every moment, every message, every person who shows up in our lives is exactly what we’ve summoned—not to test us, but to guide us.

Janet wasn’t a mistake. She wasn’t “negative.” She was a vibrational echo of the version of me who, not long ago, stopped writing for The Transamorous Network because I’d fallen into negative momentum. My old stories invited her critique. But I’ve shifted since then. I’ve tuned up. And that’s why Nancy came too.

One was contrast. The other, confirmation. Choosing our attention is choosing our life. The most important moment wasn’t when Janet criticized me. It wasn’t even when Nancy praised me. It was the moment I decided which direction to focus.

Was I going to spiral into defending myself to someone who didn’t want to hear me again? Or was I going to nurture the unfolding connection with someone who did? I chose Nancy. And that choice amplified my alignment even more. Then I also chose to lovingly release Janet from further correspondence — again, not out of anger, but because I no longer needed her reflection.

That’s how we move forward with grace.

For Trans Women and Trans-Attracted Men Alike

To my trans sisters: You are sovereign. You are radiant. And you don’t need to police how others love you in order to validate your womanhood. The men who love you aren’t broken. They’re becoming whole.

To the men: If you’re trans-attracted, and you’re still trying to figure out what that means—don’t try to figure it out alone. What you’re going through is not confusion. It’s a calling.

The Universe Never Misses. It never leads us astray. Janet and Nancy didn’t just show up by chance. They showed up because I asked for clarity. And the Universe answered with both: a reflection of where I’d been, and a glimpse of where I’m going. That’s how divine timing works. And that’s why I trust it more than anything.

Ready to experience this for yourself? If you’re ready to understand your desires—not through shame, but through soul—let’s talk. Schedule your free 1:1 session.

Posted on

The Hidden Truth of Trans-Attraction and Real Love

TL;DR: The author dismantles the myth that trans-attraction is fetishization, showing how authentic attraction to transgender women is distinct, deeply human, spiritually aligned and leaves trans-attracted men free to love themselves.

For years, one of the most common misconceptions I’ve encountered in my work with trans-attracted men and the women who love them is this: that being drawn to transgender women is just another form of fetishization. I used to hear this often in comments on my blog, and recently, a thoughtful reply raised the same point—comparing trans-attraction to a man preferring women of a certain race.

On the surface, that argument may sound convincing. Isn’t attraction just attraction? Isn’t trans-attraction simply one more “fixation,” no different from a preference for redheads or tall women? The truth, however, is far deeper. Reducing trans-attraction to fetishization not only misunderstands men’s lived experiences, it also undermines trans women’s authentic worth.

What Fetishization Really Means

Fetishization is the act of reducing another person to a body part, identity marker, or sexual novelty. It happens everywhere: racial fetishization, disability fetishization, and yes, fixation on transgender women. None of this is new. Human beings often project their insecurities or curiosities into sexual desire.

Yet fetishization, by its very nature, dehumanizes. A fetishizer sees only the attribute, not the whole person. When men are genuinely trans-attracted however, this is not what’s happening. They aren’t chasing “a trans body” or “a trans novelty.” They are attracted to transgender women as complete, multifaceted human beings who also happen to be trans.

The distinction matters. To call every instance of trans-attraction “fetishization” not only insults the men who experience it, it insults the trans women whose humanity gets reduced to a label.

How Trans-Attraction Is Different

In my twelve years of coaching trans-attracted men and couples facing problems due to trans attraction, I’ve learned that authentic trans-attraction isn’t a curiosity or a passing fixation. For many of these men, cisgender women don’t register as partners at all. Their desire, affection, and long-term compatibility all point toward trans women.

That makes “trans-attraction” more than just a “preference.” It’s an orientation that sits outside gay/straight binaries. Unfortunately, society’s misunderstanding of this creates enormous turmoil. When a man discovers his attraction to trans women, shame quickly follows. He may believe this makes him gay, broken, or perverse. None of that is true.

Further, cheating with a cis woman doesn’t shake a man’s sense of identity. Attraction to a trans woman often does. That existential crisis — “Am I gay? Am I still a man? Am I lovable?” — is what makes trans-attraction uniquely different from the examples critics often bring up.

Why Labels Create Both Clarity and Confusion

It’s fair to ask: does identifying as “trans-attracted” or “transamorous” create a new orientation? In some ways, yes—it gives men a safe language to understand themselves. Labels like “trans-attracted” are helpful starting points because they validate an experience men often carry in silence.

But labels are also limited. They can box people into identities that don’t fully reflect the richness of who they are. “Transgender” does the exact same thing for trans women. That’s why my work goes beyond labels. The ultimate goal is freedom — living authentically without fear of what others might say, and without clinging to social categories for validation.

This paradox shows up in trans communities, too. Many trans women rightly reject the gender binary, yet insist on being seen exclusively as “women,” rejecting any nuance that distinguishes their journey from that of cis women. Some even accuse men who appreciate their trans-ness of fetishization. In truth, empowered trans women I’ve met embrace the wholeness of their identity, without fear of being reduced.

“Trans attraction” gives men a starting place to understand themselves. From there, they can let go of labels and simply love.

The Hypocrisy of the Fetish Trope

Accusing all trans-attracted men of fetishization often says more about the accuser than the accused. Trans women who haven’t fully accepted their own trans-ness may feel objectified when a man affirms it. If she sees her trans identity as shameful, then anyone who finds it attractive must be “fetishizing” her. This is projection at work — her unresolved self-acceptance mirrored back through his desire.

That doesn’t mean fetishization never exists. Of course it does. Some men (and women) reduce others to novelty. But collapsing all trans-attraction into that category silences the many men who are sincerely, holistically drawn to trans women. It also denies trans women the dignity of being loved for all of who they are.

A Spiritual Perspective on Trans-Attraction

From a spiritual perspective, the attraction between trans-attracted men and transgender women is not random. These men are vibrational matches for these women. They come together not to perpetuate shame, but to reveal authenticity. Trans-attracted men often carry the role of affirming trans women’s worth, just as trans women often catalyze men into deeper self-honesty.

This isn’t fetishization. It’s alignment, sovereignty in action. It’s the unfolding of two people stepping into authenticity, even when culture doesn’t understand them.

The real issue isn’t whether trans-attraction is a fetish. The issue is whether men and women are willing to live from their authenticity. That authenticity is what dissolves shame, heals relationships, and creates love that lasts.

Conclusion: Beyond Fetish, Into Freedom

Fetishization reduces people to objects. Trans-attraction elevates them into whole-person connections. While some men may indeed objectify, most of the men I work with are struggling not because they fetishize, but because they fear. They fear rejection, shame, and what their attraction “means” about who they are.

Sound familiar trans women?

Labeling them fetishizers adds another layer of stigma. Seeing them as authentically trans-attracted opens the door to healing — for them, for their partners, and for the trans women they love. So, is trans-attraction fetishization?

No.

It’s authenticity calling to be lived out loud.