Tag: Trans-attraction

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The Rare Kind Of Love Trans Women Fear

TL;DR: The author explores a rare form of love — transamory — where a man loves his partner’s transness as part of her complete identity and beauty.

The first time “Bob” said it plainly I got it. Even when he told “Maria,” she got it too.

“I love her because she’s Maria, and she happens to be trans,” he told me during one of our sessions. Then, after sitting with the feeling a moment longer, he laughed and added, “I fell in love with a trans woman. Fucking how great is that?”

That statement may sound simple to some people reading this. It may be off-putting to some trans women. But it is not simple, nor is it off-putting. In fact, in all my years working with trans-attracted and transamorous men, I can tell you that what Bob expressed in that moment represents something extraordinarily rare: the transition from attraction to integration. From trans-attraction to transamory.

Bob no longer found himself merely aroused by Maria’s transness. He was no longer experiencing her transness as novelty, taboo, experimentation, or fantasy. To his credit, Bob never experienced Maria that way. Nevertheless, Bob had crossed into something much deeper.

He loved Maria wholly. More importantly, he loved her transness as part of that wholeness. That’s what distinguishes mere trans-attraction from transamory.

Fragmented perception

Many trans women struggle to believe this kind of love exists. Some believe it intellectually but cannot emotionally accept it. Others dismiss it entirely as fantasy or projection or a fetish. And I get it.

A number of trans women have experienced so much objectification, fetishization, exploitation, secrecy, abandonment, and conditional desire that the idea of a man authentically loving them because they are trans feels almost impossible to trust.

And that’s because far too many men interact with trans women from fragmentation. They compartmentalize and conditionalize their attraction. Such men eroticize the trans body while emotionally withholding from the trans person. They split desire from intimacy in other words.

In those cases, the transness becomes an object rather than an integrated expression of the woman herself. That dynamic creates profound confusion for everyone involved.

What made Bob’s realization so powerful was that he was describing the exact opposite experience.

At one point in our conversation, he reflected on the possibility of Maria eventually undergoing vaginoplasty. Surprisingly, he admitted something that many men would find difficult to understand. He said that if Maria somehow magically became a cisgender woman overnight, complete with a biological vagina, he would actually feel despair. The reason startled even him.

Misunderstanding fetishization

This had nothing to do with her penis, nor the vaginoplasty she planned to go through. Bob didn’t want Maria to stop being trans. He loved her as Maria, the person who had gone through…is going through…the journey of being trans. He loved her history. Bob loved the integration of femininity and transness together. He loved what he described as her “very womanly” nature combined with her unmistakable trans essence. Bob even described the thought of her future “neo-vagina” as uniquely erotic precisely because it would still be Maria’s trans body evolving into another form of itself.

Now pause there for a moment. If you think that’s fetishization, you’re wrong. Fetishization isolates a body part from the person. What Bob was expressing was exactly the reverse. He was integrating her body, identity, history, energy, femininity, sexuality, vulnerability, and transness into one coherent experience of love.

That is transamory.

When I told him this during our session, he immediately understood the distinction. “Yeah,” he replied quietly. “True.” The emotional maturity present in that realization cannot be overstated.

Most trans-attracted men begin with fragmented polarity. The attraction often arrives explosively. Many describe feeling overwhelmed by the combination of femininity and masculine. Some become obsessed with the erotic tension itself. Others experience shame, confusion, secrecy, compulsivity, or identity destabilization. That last stage is what many trans-attracted men experience and often get stuck there. I’ve worked with many men there. I was once there.

Yet what Bob was expressing had moved beyond polarity into devotion. And devotion changes everything.

Struggling with self-acceptance

Once devotion emerges, the transness no longer exists as an erotic stimulus. It becomes inseparable from the person herself. At that point, for the man, the relationship ceases to revolve around “Can I handle this?” and begins revolving around “I love who this person actually is.”

That shift is what so many trans women hunger to experience but often struggle to believe is possible. And in not believing it’s possible, they prevent themselves from experiencing it.

Unfortunately, many trans women themselves carry profound discomfort about their own transness. Some tolerate it. Some battle it. Others dissociate from it entirely while longing to become “fully” cis in every conceivable way. That’s what “Stealth” is about. Consequently, when a man expresses authentic love specifically for their transness, it can almost feel insulting or invalidating for some trans women.

“How could you love the very thing I’ve struggled with my entire life?” That question lives underneath many relational conflicts I witness between trans women and men growing to love them.

Maria herself wrestled with versions of this tension. During our sessions, Bob repeatedly tried to communicate that his love for her included her transness rather than existing in spite of it. That distinction proved difficult to fully land emotionally for her at times, even though she clearly felt loved by him. She even believed Bob himself might be trans, or that he wouldn’t remain with her once she got her surgery.

Again, this makes complete sense.

Human beings often have the hardest time accepting love directed toward the very aspects of themselves they still struggle to fully embrace.

Transamory: authentic love

What fascinated me most about Bob’s evolution was how relaxed his realization eventually became. Earlier in his journey, he likely would have obsessed over labels, implications, fears, or what his attraction “meant.” By the time we were having these conversations, however, he simply sounded peaceful. His groundedness was obvious. Bob’s integration felt like it had been there all along.

He no longer argued with his own heart. Instead, he was witnessing it honestly. The “it” was and is the growing part of him that feels whole and complete. That honesty produced a level of intimacy many people never experience in any relationship, trans or otherwise.

You see, authentic love is never merely tolerance. Nor is it reduction. Genuine love does not erase difference. It doesn’t flatten uniqueness, or politely look away from complexity. Real love moves toward clarity. It becomes increasingly capable of embracing the totality of another being without demanding fragmentation first.

That is what Bob found. He loved Maria because she was Maria. And part of Maria is her transness. Her transness isn’t an accident, it isn’t something to regret, keep secret or hide. It is just another facet of the beautiful diamond that is Maria.

Is this love trust worthy?

Over the years, I have now witnessed enough versions of this dynamic to say confidently that transamory is not a myth. It is not a fantasy. Nor is it some ideological aspiration. I have watched men evolve into this level of integrated love repeatedly. Struggle typically accompanies that evolution. That’s because prior to evolution a lot of fear exists around what men see necessitates tremendous internal reorganization.

But it’s worth doing that work.

Importantly, reaching this stage does not mean relationships suddenly become easy. In fact, deeper love often exposes deeper layers of insecurity, attachment, jealousy, fear, and vulnerability. As Bob and Maria have already discovered, the ending of the honeymoon phase has challenged both of them profoundly.

Still, something irreversible had already happened inside Bob. He no longer loves Maria despite her transness. He loves her, in part, because of it.

For many trans women reading this, I know that statement may still feel difficult to trust completely. Some of you may even feel resistance rising while reading these words. Yet I encourage you to remain open to the possibility that there are men capable of seeing you far more holistically than your past experiences may suggest.

Those men do exist.

I know because I’ve met them. If you want to meet them, they’re right in front of you. Meeting them, however, requires you to remain calm enough in the presence of evidence proving your fears are valid long enough to ask a question.

What’s the question? I suggest you find out by becoming a client.

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Freedom for Trans People Demands A New Perspective

TL;DR: In this post the author reframes the trans experience through their mirror consciousness lens which shifts causality inward and away from blame narratives. Releasing blame, the author writes, restores agency, transforms relationships, and invites freedom through lived awareness rather than living a life constrained by seeking external validation or control.

If there is a common reaction I receive when I write from the mirror-based perspective, which is fundamental to the life approach I advocate, it is this: people hear blame where none is being offered. What’s meant as empowerment is received as accusation. While I’m offering liberation it is often interpreted as dismissal of lived pain. That interpretation comes exclusively from trans women.

And that reveals just how deeply blame narratives are woven into our collective understanding of harm, justice, and identity—especially within marginalized communities. Pretty much every marginalized community expresses the same narratives. These days, even majority communities often share those narratives.

Some Christians, for example, claim they are being persecuted. Even white men these days blame woke culture for their pain. But the focus I’m bringing in this post is to the trans community, which, of course, includes trans-attracted men like me. This is my audience. And so I’m offering an opportunity for liberation from a narrative that imprisons more than it liberates.

I’m not arguing against anyone’s experience. What I am doing is this: I’m offering a different framework altogether, one that doesn’t rely on blame to create change and doesn’t require anyone to be “wrong” for someone else to be free.

What a Blame Narrative Actually Does

Blame narratives arise for understandable reasons. People feel hurt. Some feel marginalized. Those same people are experiencing mistreatment for sure. Naming injustice, therefore, can be clarifying and necessary.

But blame narratives do something very specific: they locate causality outside the self. In a blame-based framework, healing depends on other people changing. Safety depends on the world becoming different. Self-empowerment and opportunity are something granted—or withheld—by external forces.

That orientation may feel morally solid, but it comes with a huge cost. When causality lives outside of us, so does agency. What’s more, externalizing causality makes the future conditional. It slows growth and advancement. Familiar unsatisfying patterns keep repeating and for good reason. Those patterns are offering feedback we can use to get out of those very patterns. But we can’t get out of them when we blame others for what’s happening to us.

Blame, therefore, can be accurate and still be limiting. It can also create repetitive patterns that unwittingly lock those doing the blaming in unsatisfactory lives.

Blame can be accurate. But it also creates repetitive patterns that lock those blaming into unsatisfying lives.

Mirror Consciousness: Not Blame, Not Bypass

Mirror consciousness, on the other hand, offers a radically different orientation. It does not say “this is your fault.” Nor does excuse harm. It also does not deny social realities. Instead, it asks a totally different question: What is this experience showing me about what is active within me right now?

The mirror does not assign guilt. What it does is it reveals information. From a non-dual perspective, life is not happening to us. It is happening with us—responding to our beliefs, expectations, fears, and unintegrated parts. Life reflects our stories in other words.

It’s reflecting back to us persistent stories we tell ourselves on many, many subjects. Again, it’s doing this so that we can do something about these stories, stories from which our reality springs. The mirror, therefore, is not punishing us. It’s not rewarding us either. It’s just giving feedback. What we do with that feedback is pivotal.

And if we do nothing, usually the feedback intensifies. Why? Because All That Is is intelligent and it wants us all to enjoy the blissful, joyful state of being that is the natural state of All That Is. It therefore lovingly offers this feedback, this mirror, so we can tune in.

There’s no morality involved in mirror consciousness. In fact, we could say that this process is mechanical, not moral. And that’s why it’s so powerful.

So why do so many in the trans community refuse to accept this perspective? Why do so many trans women push back when I tell them they are creating their experiences, particularly in relationships? And why do they blame men for their relationship experiences?

Why This Perspective Often Feels Unacceptable

Simply put, it’s because owning that we are the Source of our experience can be emotionally painful at first because it supposes that perhaps the problem is within us, not “out there”. Mirror consciousness threatens something many people, especially those in the trans community, rely on for stability: righteous positioning.

Blame narratives provide clarity. They establish heroes and villains. Such narratives demarcate the difference between us (those who share our pain) and them (those we blame for our pain). Mirror consciousness removes that scaffolding. Instead of asking “Who is responsible for this?” it asks “What is this preparing me to see?”

That shift can feel destabilizing, and, as I wrote above, emotionally painful. Especially for people whose identities have been forged through rejection, fear, struggle and survival. It’s also why this framework cannot be adopted through intelligence alone.

One cannot think their way into mirror consciousness. It can only be lived into. And this is another reason why many trans women reject this approach. They think they’re right about their life and won’t accept another has a better approach. Especially a cis-appearing trans-attracted man, someone who represents the very people trans people blame for their experiences.

That’s unfortunate for such women. For they attack the messenger instead of trying on a message that can radically transform their experiences for the better.

Some of my readers, mostly trans women, attack the messenger instead of trying on a message that can radically transform their experiences for the better.

Relationships Are Not Tests of Readiness

One of the most persistent myths in modern relational thinking is the idea that people must become “emotionally ready” before entering relationships. “He’s not ready for a relationship with a trans woman” some say. Or, “He’s fetishizing me in secret because he’s not ready to be with me in the open.” From a mirror-based perspective, however, this is backwards.

We are ready for every relationship we enter—because we entered it. Relationships are not rewards for emotional maturity; they are the mechanism through which maturity develops. Every relationship, therefore, is real and on purpose. Each connection serves everyone involved. That’s especially true for painful relationships. Not all relationships are meant to last after all. Many, nearly all of them, are meant instead to teach. And the teaching goes both ways.

But many people who feel righteous in their pain believe they must hold on to that righteousness, especially in relationship, in order to survive. It served them in the past, they say. Some even say holding onto this righteousness is an act of self love.

And here’s where we must make a distinction. This distinction matters deeply. There’s a big difference between “self love” and self preservation. Self-preservation is survival-based. It says, “I must do this or I will not make it.” Self-love is expansive. It says, “I trust who I am becoming.” Many courageous acts—coming out, transitioning, leaving unsafe situations—can be rooted in either. Both are valid. But they do not produce the same results.

Self-preservation stabilizes life. Self-love changes what shows up next. Confusing the two keeps people stuck repeating similar relational patterns while believing they have already “done the work” when they haven’t actually. And if the same relationship patterns keep happening there’s still work to do.

Why I Don’t Center Blame—On Anyone

My work does not blame trans women. It does not excuse men. It does not reduce complex dynamics to psychology or pathology. What I do with clients also does not place empowerment “out there.” Blame—no matter how justified—keeps power external. Mirror consciousness returns it inward, where it can actually be used.

My approach is about being free. Not “right.”

Freedom requires something deeper than insight and intellectual understanding. It requires confirmation—moments where life responds differently because you are different. That’s when this framework stops being theory and becomes evidence in life experience, especially relationship experience. When someone embraces the mirror consciousness approach, their life experiences change immediately. The change first shows up in themselves. Then, since life is a mirror, their external experiences change too.

My work with clients isn’t about assigning or validating blame narratives. It’s about creating satisfying lives by centering empowerment within the individual.

In time life changes so profoundly, the person changing want’s more and more. Amidst all that evidence they become convinced they create their reality. And in that state, they step into an immense amount of empowerment. When they do, they are ready to meet the relationship that mirrors that empowerment.

In the meantime, relationships prior to making that internal change keep reflecting the distortion that people outside of us are to blame for experiences we have.

Making such a switch takes a while for many reasons. For one, life is not magic. We cannot create a life we want without first doing something about the one we have, the reflection we’ve persistently created. We must first retire that life and that takes a while. But along the way, we get glimmers of our new lives. The lives that contain everything we want, including better lovers.

This Framework Is Not for Everyone

All that said, mirror consciousness is not a universal solution, and it is not appropriate for every stage of healing. It is for people who are tired of repeating the same relational dynamics. This approach is for those willing to feel destabilized before feeling sovereign. It’s for those ready to experiment with causality rather than argue about it or being right about why their life is the way it is.

For others, validation and advocacy may be the medicine they need right now. I see that as a timing issue. When someone is ready for the medicine they need, that medicine often shows up at the right time. Not before.

Where we place causality determines where power lives. When power lives outside us, life feels adversarial. It looks that way too. When power lives within us, life becomes responsive. Mirror consciousness doesn’t ask anyone to deny harm. It asks us to notice what changes when we stop organizing our future around harm. It asks “can life be better if we are willing to let go of putting our identity on the harm we have experienced?”

That noticing, that questioning — tested, lived, and confirmed — is where real transformation begins. For those ready to explore this framework experientially, The Transamorous Network exists as a space for inquiry, not doctrine. A place to test ideas against lived reality.

Understanding isn’t enough. Only lived confirmation makes the life my clients and I know is possible real. It’s available for anyone willing to try something they perhaps haven’t before: letting go of blaming the world for the world they experience.

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How This Trans Woman Manifested a Better Lover

I manage the this blog as well as another, called Positively Focused. Positively Focused also has a YouTube channel. On that channel I dive deep into the Positively Focused practice, which is the same practice I talk about on this blog.

A transgender client recently created for herself a remarkable series of events using the practice I walk clients through. It was worthy of a YouTube video celebrating the experience because she thought what happened was impossible….until it happened. I thought it so good I would share it here with my readers of this blog. I think you’ll find it remarkable. Definitely worth watching…

Trans women, like all people, are powerful creators. The best way to express that creative ability is by telling better stories. Like Samira has done, you can do the same thing. Nothing stands between you and getting what you want but you. Samira figured this out (pretty quickly). You can too.

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When Trans-Attraction Challenges Love: Martha’s Hidden Gift

TL;DR: The author shares Martha’s story—a cis woman and her trans-attracted partner—to show how even relationships that seem doomed can serve deep personal and spiritual expansion.

Martha came to The Transamorous Network in despair. A cisgender woman living on the East Coast, she’s surrounded by LGBTQ friends, including several transgender women. Yet despite being open-minded, supportive, and caring, she found herself in a painful emotional knot.

At 37, Martha is divorcing her husband, raising a teenager, and struggling to find her footing financially. Her marriage ended after discovering her husband had been having sex with her while she slept—behavior she rightly identified as sexual abuse. That experience left her shaken, confused, and feeling powerless.

In the midst of this upheaval, she met “Jack,” a senior construction manager. For the last three years, Jack has provided emotional and financial stability. He’s been her partner through the divorce and a source of companionship when she’s felt most alone. But there’s a catch: Martha recently discovered that Jack has been secretly reaching out to transgender women in her local community.

A Painful Discovery and a Familiar Pattern

Through her transgender friends, Martha saw messages between Jack and several trans women. These communications made it clear that Jack has a long-standing attraction to trans women—something he denied when confronted. He admitted only to occasionally “indulging” when drunk, describing it as a taboo thrill.

Martha’s trans friends warned her that men like Jack rarely change, and that the relationship would end in heartbreak. Deep down, she agreed. Her intuition told her the same thing. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to leave. Financially, she’s dependent on him. Emotionally, she feels connected.

It’s easy to assume this is a story about betrayal or weakness, but what’s really happening here is something deeper. Martha and Jack are a perfect match—not because they’re soulmates in the romantic sense, but because they share the same vibrational patterns of uncertainty and self-worth. Each is reflecting the other’s negative belief-momentum.

Jack fears being authentic about his trans-attraction. Martha fears standing on her own. Both are learning through this relationship what it means to accept themselves.

When Love Isn’t Love (Yet)

During our conversation, I gently told Martha something she hadn’t considered: she doesn’t truly love Jack. She cares for him, yes. But real love is unconditional. It doesn’t depend on whether the other person changes, stays, or behaves the way we want.

If Martha loved Jack in the truest sense, she would love all of him—including his trans-attraction. That doesn’t mean she should tolerate dishonesty or abandon her boundaries. It means love, as a state of being, is unconditional.

The painful irony is that what she calls “love” is really fear—fear of being alone, fear of financial instability, fear of what her future might look like without him. She says she wants to stay because she loves him, but what keeps her there is insecurity. And that insecurity perfectly mirrors Jack’s. He stays in hiding because he, too, is afraid—of judgment, of rejection, of what his attraction says about him.

Their relationship isn’t broken. It’s perfectly designed to help them both face themselves.

Martha’s relationship with Jack can benefit both…even as it doesn’t last. And the two can depart in love.

Every Relationship Is a Stepping Stone

Most people think relationships are supposed to last forever, and when they don’t, something must have gone wrong. But from a spiritual perspective, that’s not how relationships work. Every connection serves a purpose. Some are long-term, some brief, but all are stepping stones toward greater clarity and self-understanding.

Martha and Jack’s relationship may never become the romantic ideal she wants. Yet, it’s still valuable. Jack provides the stability that allows her to rediscover her sense of worth and capability. Martha provides the compassion and safety Jack needs to begin accepting his authentic self as a trans-attracted man.

When both partners understand this higher purpose, even a relationship that ends can end beautifully—with gratitude, not resentment. That’s the gift of awareness.

So often we define success in relationships by longevity. But success isn’t measured in years together—it’s measured in how much both people grow into joy while they’re together.

When Letting Go Is the Loving Thing

Martha’s intuition is already telling her what’s coming. She knows Jack will eventually pursue a trans woman openly. She can sense that her time with him has an expiration date. And yet, she also senses that she’s not quite ready to walk away.

That’s okay. She doesn’t need to rush. What matters most is that she uses this time to rediscover her independence—to see herself not as a victim of circumstance but as a deliberate creator of her life.

If she can find her footing, she’ll eventually release Jack in peace, appreciating how much this relationship taught her about love, fear, and authenticity. She’ll also leave space for Jack to step fully into his truth—something every trans-attracted man must eventually do if he wants to live joyfully and honestly.

A New Way to See Your Relationship

Maybe you see yourself in Martha or Jack. Maybe you’re in a relationship that feels like it’s going nowhere, or one that feels painful but hard to leave. You might think the only solutions are to stay and suffer, or to leave and start over. But there’s another option: to see your relationship for what it really is—a co-creative opportunity for growth.

When we shift our perspective, we reconnect with our empowerment. We stop labeling the relationship as “failing” and start appreciating it for what it’s showing us about ourselves. That shift alone can bring relief, expansion, and, sometimes, a completely unexpected renewal of love.

Whether our relationship continues or ends, our expansion is guaranteed—if we let it be.

Conclusion: The Gift Hidden in Every Relationship

Martha’s story isn’t tragic. It’s beautiful. Beneath the pain lies a perfect design—two people reflecting each other’s unmet needs so they can find wholeness.

Every relationship, no matter how temporary or turbulent, offers the same opportunity. The question is whether we can see it.

If you’re in a relationship that feels stuck or doomed, don’t despair. You might not need to end it—you might only need to see it differently.

When you’re ready to discover what your relationship is really trying to show you, schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 session at The Transamorous Network. You may find that what looks like an ending is actually your next beginning.

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How Two Trans Women Reflected My Old And New Life

TL;DR: The author reflects on two contrasting interactions with trans women—one critical, one affirming—as divine guidance. The post explores how vibrational alignment shapes experience and how all feedback is a mirror.

Recently, I had two experiences unfold within days of each other — one critical, one deeply affirming. On the surface, they couldn’t have been more opposite. But viewed through the lens of “Your stories create your reality”, they were identical in purpose. They both came to show me something.

One was a correspondence with a transgender woman—let’s call her Janet—who found my work on The Transamorous Network off-putting. The other was a heartfelt 1:1 consultation with a different transgender woman—let’s call her Nancy—who reached out after reading 20+ blog posts and loving the material. Nancy is a scientist, nearly finished with medical school, and also steeped in clinical psychology. And yet, what she said after our session struck me the most: “Yes: I want to work with you.”

Let’s rewind to what led up to that moment.

Janet’s comments: Resistance in Disguise

When Janet first reached out, she let me know right away she didn’t like what I was writing about. She disagreed with the term “transamorous.” She challenged the need to even distinguish between attraction to cis women and attraction to trans women. In her view, labeling that difference was, at best, redundant—and at worst, invalidating to trans identities.

I get it.

Many trans women carry deep scars from rejection, invalidation, and dismissal — particularly from men. So when someone like me comes along and dares to suggest that trans-attraction is its own unique phenomenon — not fetish, not confusion, but something spiritually profound — it can bring up all kinds of discomfort, what I call a Belief Confrontation.

But discomfort doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It means I’m touching something real. So I responded to Janet with clarity, not defensiveness. I explained:

  • That trans-attracted men often go through years—decades, even—of pain, confusion, and self-hatred.
  • Many of them love trans women, and yet, their love is hard to express inside a culture that insists on binaries.
  • Transamory is not a rejection of trans womanhood. It’s an embrace of it. A spiritual calling that draws a man toward a woman whose path, like the man’s path, includes a powerful transformation.

But what I most wanted her to know was this: You don’t need to agree with my work. My work is not about convincing. It’s about aligning. It’s here for those who resonate — because they’re ready to love and be loved in a new way.

And then — just a few days later — Nancy showed up.

Nancy’s Arrival: Alignment Echoes Loudly

Nancy is in the middle of her transition and is contemplating gender confirmation surgery. But she reached out to me because she sensed something about that desire didn’t feel entirely clear, among other things, including the kinds of men she had been meeting. She wondered if her experiences were coming from positive stories or unhelpful ones.

So she set up a 1:1.

We spoke far longer than the usual 30-minute free session. Why? Because we both felt resonance. Here was a woman steeped in science—medicine, psychology—and yet, she wasn’t looking for a therapist. She was looking for resonance; a deeper knowing. Something that went beyond textbooks, data sets and science.

She’s going to find it in this practice.

I didn’t tell her what to do about surgery. That’s not my job. What I offered instead was a reflection of her own knowing. I helped her sense whether her momentum was aligned or reactive. And in that space, something clicked. That’s why she wanted to become a client.

Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding.

And that’s when it hit me: Janet and Nancy weren’t opposites. They were a coinciding. They arrived within the same week, orbiting the same subject—me and my work—offering radically different reflections. Janet revealed the remnants of past momentum. Nancy confirmed my current alignment.

And that’s the beauty of what I teach. To explain:

A Return from Negative Momentum

Back in December, I stopped writing for The Transamorous Network blog. Perhaps you noticed. I noticed that my focus on trans-attraction and transamory back then had slipped into negative momentum focus. I was drawing more and more criticism from angry readers—many of whom didn’t understand my perspective or what I was offering. All of them were trans women.

I tried for a long time to clear up their misunderstandings and limited beliefs. But those people couldn’t hear what I was saying. That’s because their Belief Constellations ranged far from where I am in my knowledge about life experience. So the more I tried to uplift them, the harder they pushed. And the harder they pushed, the more entrained I got. 

Until I realized what I was doing. 

When I did, I stopped pushing against that resistance. I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate. No more posts for that blog! In doing so, I let the negative momentum subside by not feeding it further.

I stepped back and allowed my vibration to recalibrate.

Months later—without me publishing a single new post—new readers began reaching out again. Trans-attracted men, wives of trans-attracted men, even gay men sent me messages. They all were asking for guidance, for support, for answers. Not with anger—but with curiosity and warmth. And with understanding that I offer something of value.

That’s how I knew something shifted.

And then came Janet and Nancy, nearly at the same moment. Both represented clear reflections that I was now standing in a different vibrational space—one where I was ready to choose what momentum I wanted to amplify.

An Option to Focus

Janet mirrored my old stories—stories I had already soothed. Stories that had me pushing against trans women’s lack of understanding, insecurity and anger. Nancy mirrored new energy—stories I was now allowing. Ease in my being. Allowing instead of pushing. Letting the Universe present me with what I want. Not pushing against what I don’t.

Both Janet and Nancy offered a chance to decide where I wanted to place my focus and which stories I wanted to foster. They invited me to ask myself: Do I want more of this (Nancy)? Or more of that (Janet)?

Not because one is good and the other is bad. But because the Universe will always give us what we focus on.

So I leaned into Nancy’s presence—her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore. And with that choice, I messaged Janet and let her know I was ending the correspondence. I told her why—not out of avoidance, or anger, but out of alignment. I explained that I was following what felt best, and honoring where my energy was now flowing.

Letting that go was a powerful, gentle release. It reminded me: Everyone is a divine being offering guidance—not always with praise or agreement, but always with clarity if we’re willing to see it. 

I leaned into Nancy’s presence — her clarity, her eagerness, her willingness to explore.

Choosing Your Life

The Universe doesn’t waste energy. Every moment, every message, every person who shows up in our lives is exactly what we’ve summoned—not to test us, but to guide us.

Janet wasn’t a mistake. She wasn’t “negative.” She was a vibrational echo of the version of me who, not long ago, stopped writing for The Transamorous Network because I’d fallen into negative momentum. My old stories invited her critique. But I’ve shifted since then. I’ve tuned up. And that’s why Nancy came too.

One was contrast. The other, confirmation. Choosing our attention is choosing our life. The most important moment wasn’t when Janet criticized me. It wasn’t even when Nancy praised me. It was the moment I decided which direction to focus.

Was I going to spiral into defending myself to someone who didn’t want to hear me again? Or was I going to nurture the unfolding connection with someone who did? I chose Nancy. And that choice amplified my alignment even more. Then I also chose to lovingly release Janet from further correspondence — again, not out of anger, but because I no longer needed her reflection.

That’s how we move forward with grace.

For Trans Women and Trans-Attracted Men Alike

To my trans sisters: You are sovereign. You are radiant. And you don’t need to police how others love you in order to validate your womanhood. The men who love you aren’t broken. They’re becoming whole.

To the men: If you’re trans-attracted, and you’re still trying to figure out what that means—don’t try to figure it out alone. What you’re going through is not confusion. It’s a calling.

The Universe Never Misses. It never leads us astray. Janet and Nancy didn’t just show up by chance. They showed up because I asked for clarity. And the Universe answered with both: a reflection of where I’d been, and a glimpse of where I’m going. That’s how divine timing works. And that’s why I trust it more than anything.

Ready to experience this for yourself? If you’re ready to understand your desires—not through shame, but through soul—let’s talk. Schedule your free 1:1 session.