In my last post I suggested there is a logical reason why some transgender women (and some trans attracted men) suffer. The same is true for anyone who suffers. But to understand suffering, one has to understand the nature of stories and why they are so important.
Stories are the tales you tell yourself about everything you experience, including your self. Told often enough, they become beliefs. Stories told often, or shared by many, determine what the story-teller experiences in her life experience. In this way, each of us as individuals, shape our experiences. This is quite easy to prove to yourself with a bit of practice and guidance on what to look for while practicing.
Why would stories we tell ourselves create our life experience?
That is a splendid question. One quite logical reason why our stories might create our life experience is because each of us is a powerful, creative being, who, through life experience gains tremendous satisfaction and joy. Through such experiences, one becomes more aware of one’s identity, the identity that endures even after the physical body can no longer sustain us.
What if, you were totally free to choose your life experience and that this life experience was just one of an infinite number you have experienced and will experience. If you were totally free, you’d need some kind of mechanism through which you could exercise your freedom and design your experience right? Such a mechanism would need to preserve your total freedom, even when you’re in the midst of your chosen life-experience. What better mechanism than the ability to use “creativity” to create stories which, in time line up life experience with the content of a given story?
But how would you know if your stories are leading you to what you want, instead of what you don’t? That is where negative emotion comes from. Negative emotion is what suffering is. So suffering is an indicator telling a person the stories they’re entertaining aren’t creating the life experience they want.
Sounds crazy to say one’s stories are “reality-creators” and that negative emotion is an indicator that we’re using our creativity to create life experiences we don’t want. But diligent practice with this mechanism will reveal to anyone who tries that this is indeed the case.
So why then are so many people suffering? Why doesn’t everyone enjoy blissful lives? Another good question, which I tackle next time.
First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.
Having trouble finding love? Having trouble finding work? Tired of all those “crazy” transwomen you keep meeting; the gold-diggers, players, skeezers, cheaters? Tired of all the chasers, the guys who are in the closet, guys that want you to “top” them? Are you tired of hearing about people like you getting beaten and killed? Are you one of those people whose parents want nothing to do with you?
There’s a way out of all that. But first, you have to really look at where all these problems are coming from. I mean really look. If any of the problems above (or any other problem) is your experience, and that experience has you feeling sucky, there’s something you can do to relieve yourself of them. Yes, “them”, meaning, all of them. But it’s going to take some time and it’s going to take some work. The first task: understand the one thing all your problems share.
That thing is YOU.
There is no way to deny that you are the common denominator of all your problems. The plain fact is, if you weren’t here, you wouldn’t be experiencing your problems. If you didn’t exist, your problems – at least as you’re experiencing them – wouldn’t exist because your experience wouldn’t exist. Right?
Seems obvious, right?
This is so eye-rolling obvious, but I would bet, dear reader, that you haven’t stopped to think about how that obvious fact plays into your problem-experience. That you are the center of all your problems is why you are always meeting the same guys or girls in your search for love. It’s why you’re having a hard time finding that job you like. It’s why you’re stuck feeling like being trans is so hard.
If you didn’t exist, neither would your problems.
Since you are the common denominator of all your problems, doesn’t it stand to reason
No denying it honey. You’re the problem.
that the solution to these problems isn’t “out there” in your “reality”, it’s somehow “in there” in side “you”? There’s an old saying: when you point a finger in blame, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Your problems aren’t the problem. You are.
This is not some “positive self-help” meme. It’s basic reality. This also is the fundamental truth about our work here. We want you to have a fabulously fun, happy and exciting life where you experience all you want and NONE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT. You can’t have that life though if you’re blaming your reality for all the problems you see in it. Because the more you point the finger at your reality, the more problems you sow in that reality. The way out of your problems is to realize there are no problems.
And that is no Matrix movie bullshit. It is the most accurate statement about your world.
Now you and your friends might be like “this is such bullshit, you’re blaming the victim.” We actually had a person write us recently on our YouTube channel and make that claim. The problem with that statement is, it denies the common denominator of the problem. If the victim didn’t exist, there’d be no experience.
So the question then is, how do I (that’s you) have experiences that don’t look like problems?
There are no problems. Only clues.
First, what you think of are problems aren’t. What they are are clues showing you that you have your interpretation of your life experience all screwy. You are getting clues all the time, but you don’t usually pay attention to them, so the clues get bigger and bigger until they’re undeniable. Problem (lol) is you don’t see them as clues, you see them as problems. So instead of taking the clue, you look at it and complain about it. It’s like the pointing finger. It’s a simple clue, a symbol, indicating to every human being with hands that when you look out in the world and blame something out there, there is more evidence (three fingers as opposed to one) that the Source of the problem is the person pointing the finger.
Clues you interpret as problems get bigger and bigger until you do something about them. The biggest thing you can “do” to “get the clue” is to look at the stories you’re telling yourself. Your stories are creating your life experience. The more persistent stories have more dominance in your reality-creation. So if you’re complaining all the time that the only transwomen you meet are trifling, that story is going to predominate meaning your life experience is going to only allow you to meet trifling transwomen. Your meeting trifling transwomen, and your disappointment about that repeat experience, is your clue that you have a story creating something you’re not wanting.
If you want a happy life, you have to tell happy stories about your life. But don’t expect miracles to happen over night, although it can happen that way. Old stories take time to subside. New ones take time to settle in. But the good news is, you are always able to change your stories at any time. Which means you are always able to start changing your life experience at any time too.
Like many transwomen, Abby believes in unicorns. You know, that rare, fantasy of a man who is attracted to you not as a sex object, but for who you are. Do you believe men like this are impossible to find or don’t exist at all? In this episode, we call bull shit on all that. There are tons of men out there who are wanting to be with you. So how do you find them? We talk with Abby about that and more.
In this episode, we dis the The Pope as he expresses his ignorance (you deserve it Your Holiness), a Rabbi straightens The Pope’s ass out, then we talk about how to read the news. Cause you all need to learn. Enjoy the show!
Yeah. Someone has to say it. In this episode, we dis the The Pope as he expresses his ignorance (you deserve it Your Holiness), a Rabbi straightens The Pope’s ass out, then we talk about how to read the news. Cause you all need to learn.
In my last post I suggested there is a logical reason why some transgender women (and some trans attracted men) suffer. The same is true for anyone who suffers. But to understand suffering, one has to understand the nature of stories and why they are so important.
First, there are no “problems”. Since you probably, like most people, believe there are, we need to unpack that. I’ll get back to the fact that there are no problems in a moment.
