Just in time for summer. Just in time for Pride. It’s season two. Watch our promo here. Episode one drops this weekend!
We’re back….
The Most Important Story You Probably Missed in GOT
[There be spoilers ahead]
So Game of Thrones is over. What a finale. Danny dead. Jon Snow exiled. Arya off on adventure. The hound…Queen Cersei…well…you know.
But producers hid the biggest GOT story right in plain sight. As much as it was a fantasy, Game of Thrones is faithful to reality. And if you got that, well, you walked away from season eight’s final episode as I did.
With a huge freaking grin and insanely inspired.
There’s Nothing Like A Story
In one of the show’s best monologues Tyrian Lannister tells the story of Bran the Broken. Soon to be chosen as king of the six realms, Bran began the show as what seemed like a minor character.
But that minor part became the major story. And this is the hidden gem. Namely: You can work your ass off and still not be king. Better put: Do nothing and you will be king.
That’s exactly what Bran did. After being pushed off a window ledge at Winterfell, it seemed Bran’s life was over. He ended up a coma. Then paralyzed. He got out of the coma. Only to learn he’d be forever in a wheel chair.
Which forced him to go spiritual. With nary a limb he could flex, he turned to flexing his consciousness. Then he began probing spiritual mysteries.
What he found helped him marshal forces of destiny. He used them, moving with All That Is as it used other people to do its bidding. Through that connection, Bran became not only Bran the Broken, king of the six realms. He also became Bran the Invincible.
Even facing the Night King, the most fearsome foe in the whole show, Bran prevailed.
Note how everyone moved in Bran’s favor while at the same time serving their own purposes. A assassin tried killing him but a massive hound rips his throat out. Wildlings tried killing him. Theon Greyjoy and Rob rush to his rescue. When Theon takes Winterfell, he survives thanks to Osha’s help.
In every adverse situation, Bran maintained connection with his larger self. His larger self giving insight into the next steps. His larger self directing others in Bran’s defense. Meanwhile Bran relied on inner knowing telling him where to be. Who to speak with. What to say.
All without lifting a finger, arm, leg or sword, Bran became leader of the realm.
GOT is great fantasy. It’s also excellent commentary on reality. GOT is allegory. You have Bran’s ability. I notice this ability unfolding in my own life. Me and my Inner Being write about such experiences throughout this blog.
Here we describe how I choose an outcome. Then I connect with the universe, All That Is and my Inner Being, all representing my larger self. I communicate my desire. Then watch as my personal trinity orchestrates the world around me. My job is telling stories consistent with the reality I want to see. Including people and events. All orchestrated in such a way that what I chose becomes my reality.
Action Is Overrated
Contrast Bran’s story with that of Jon Snow, or any other action-oriented GOT character. Jon, the best swordsman. Admired. A master strategist. Handsome. A courageous fighter. Death-defying…and legitimate and rightful heir to the Iron Throne.
All that action-based, work your ass off effort he was known for got him nothing. Nothing except cold days and nights in exile with the wildlings. Not so bad considering that hunk of a guy Tormund Giantsbane. And if there are more beauties like Ygritte there.
Far from becoming king though.
Sure he didn’t want it. But that’s not the point.
The point is, focus on connecting with your deeper self. That larger part of you remaining in the spiritual world. When you do, you’ll discover profound insights. Insights about yourself. Insights about the world and people around you.
When you do, you’ll discover just how much influence you have over the world around you. You become king. King of the largest realm there is. The realm of your subjective reality. Which includes all you’re capable of perceiving.
You’ll also perceive something else. That you are surrounded by messages encouragingi to look within. Especially movies and art.
Game of Thrones was a thrill ride. A great story. A wonderful character exploration. But if you missed what you just read, you just got entertained.
Instead of getting inspired.
The Trans-Chaser To Transamory Journey: What It Looks Like
There are a lot of women who are transgender who believe men who are interested in them are nothing but guys wanting to fulfill a fantasy or use them as a fuck toy. We here at the network have always said that is the case. But only for those women who tell such stories.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to these women, there are literally tens of thousands of men who are interested in transgender women for who they are. These trans-attracted men, like any other group of human beings, are not homogenous. So you’re going to find all kinds of people who are trans-attracted. But for the women seeking a cis-trans relationship with a man, this group would be the best group from which to find a guy. Why? Because they will accept you as you are: A woman yes. But also transgender.
“But I don’t want someone who accepts me because I’m transgender, I want someone who accepts me because I’m a woman.”
You’ll find those kinds of guys in this group too. The story expressed above though is a negative one, one that indicates a reluctance of the speaker to accept who and what she is. So long as that story remains active, it’s very hard to meet the guy who will accept her as a (transgender) woman.
Now, if all these men I’m talking about are prime candidates for transgender women, why do so (seemingly) many treat transgender women like shit? Well, I’ll answer that question first with a question: Why are there so many guys who are interested in cis-women that treat cis-women like shit?
That’s a really deep question. Because there really is no difference.
Which brings me to a model we have here at The Transamorous Network which explains the process by which trans-attracted men become trans-attracted. Not every one follows this general model. But for many, this process is very clear. It accurately describes the process men go through in their trans-attraction journey.
Men who find themselves in this model, just like transgender people, come into the world with this attraction already “baked” into them, in the same way straight people come into the world with their “straightness” baked in. So there is a self-discovery process. That process for many men IMO is represented by what I see as several distinct steps: discovery, trans attraction, exploration (some call this stage “chasing”), refinement, acceptance, then transamory.
“Trans supportive”, in the model I’m proposing, is a transcendence of the process, because it can be an attitude (and accompanying behaviors) parents may have for a transgender child for example. Trans supportive therefore, is not so much about romance and physical or sexual attraction as it is a desire to serve others.
So I see trans attraction as an early stage in a man’s transitional process; transamory as the mature stage and trans supportive as a highly advanced stage of relationship to the transgender community. I would call “trans active” as the stage people like Troy, Jonathan, and myself are in. It is a highly-evolved form of trans supportiveness. So here are the stages explained: (HT to Troy Kennedy and the Transsupportive Brotherhood)
The chaser (Discovery/Exploration): The male discovers transgender women and his fascination with them. In the beginning it’s new, exciting and fresh. He is eager to sample this new delicacy. He jumps from woman to woman in these uncharted waters. He isn’t trying to make a romantic connection or any connection really. He may not be concerned if a woman gets attached to him because he’s seeing what’s out there. He’s exploring. He doesn’t realize that this may be a preference. He may even dabble with trans escorts because it’s exhilarating and the physical act of sex dominates his mind. He is also probably married or in a relationship with a cis woman and on the DL.
Trans attraction (Refinement). After an indeterminate amount of time in the first stage, the man begins noticing the type of people he follows on social media or in the news are trans women. His taste in porn is dominated by or exclusively that of trans women. He begins making connections both platonic and sexually with trans women. He starts going out on dates – as opposed to secretive flings – and spending more and more time with trans women. But he still has a bit of fear and trepidation at times when he’s out with a trans women. He’s gotten far enough into owning his interest, his baked-in attraction, he begins looking for connection.
Trans amorous (acceptance). Soon after the second stage, the man tires of playing the field or he meets a woman who stimulates him mind and body. A woman who, when he thinks about her, makes him smile. When he isn’t in her presence, he misses her. He wants to be with her and her with him. During this time, his eyes are open to a lot of the hate, oppression, violence and struggles trans women go through on a daily basis. He feels compelled to protect and love her. His family and/or children become involved. He also begins to notice and judge those men still in the chaser stage as being detrimental to transgender women. The man forgets where he comes from. He wants to do something to fix this problem, but doesn’t know what. Meanwhile, he may or may not come out to his wife or girlfriend. Or, the momentum of his stories will cause a flash-bang type event in his life, where he is forced out into the open. However that happens, his relationship is now at a turning point. But he’s not willing to turn back on this baked-in part of who and what he is. That’s trans amorous. In this stage, even though he may not realize it, he is having a profound effect on the world around him including the people in his life. The drama that ensues is temporary and ultimately proves to be beneficial for everybody.
After the transamory stage, some men may find themselves in the trans supportive stage. Here the death, violence, hateful legislation, misgendering and overall social conditions that trans women face bother him. He meets trans women and trans men who battle and fight for simple human rights. He looks at the DL guys and wonder how can they be so detached from the struggles trans folks go through, once again having forgotten where he came from. Others may remember and have a dose of compassion for both the men and women seemingly stuck in those cycles. He may be out and see a trans woman being harassed or hear a hateful conversation and act to shut it down. He begins to speak out publicly and privately for trans rights. He has developed genuine friends who happen to be trans women and he worries about them every day.
This four-stage model can be a useful tool for transgender women as they refine their search for a partner. It can be helpful in determining where the potential partner is coming from, where his head is at, and, potentially what to expect from his behaviors. Including whether he is willing to be “out” about his relationship with you.
Would love to hear reactions to this post. We’ll be further refining it as we go.
Welcome To A New Season
It’s Season Two of The Transamorous Network. Welcome.
We’re bringing changes to our content making our material easier, more consistent and with more content variety. There are great changes coming. That’s what this post is about.
Rhythmic Changes Mean More And Better
I know. It’s been a while since we produced a show. To be honest, we had a long run of shows…over a hundred. All in a couple years.
Remy and I interviewed great guests, including a famous political operative and a famous actress.
That rhythm, frankly, couldn’t be sustained. So we took a break after all those podcast and YouTube episodes and all those Facebook Live shows. We’re taking a different approach this year.
That approach copies existing successful programs. We’ll produce somewhere between 10 and 15 episodes each season. With one season per year. This way, you get consistent content in a format you’re used to. This will help organize our episode line-up too. And Remy and I can have some down time.
Most future interviews will be in person rather than over the internet. That limits us to local area guests, unless we meet a compelling person online we must interview. We think in-person guests make the experience more interesting.
Another thing you’ll see is Remy doing most of the guest interviews solo. I want to be more “behind the camera”, guiding and directing, developing the organization and handling content scheduling, program editing and community networking. I’m not opposed to a transgender person taking my place in front of the camera. But for now, nothing is planned.
Remy and I will still do “between the guest” shows where she and I talk about current news, culture and a main topic we talk about. But expect Remy to be the main (solo) host.
It’s All Good News
We also are expanding our guest line up beyond transgender women and trans attracted men. Transgender men and other community members including allies and supporting organizations will be guests going forward. Including more of the LGBTQIA community in our guest representation makes sense given feedback we’ve gotten over time. Expect more variety in our guest line-up.
Remy really liked the Facebook Live program. But again, honestly, it was a lot of work every week. We may bring that show back. Maybe not.
Meantime, look for us on YouTube, the podcast and our blog later this year, likely just in time for summer.
Our Season Two guest schedule is pretty full. But we’re always interested in potential guest. So if you have anyone you think might make a good guest, let us know.
So that’s it for now. We know our content benefits many. We’re excited to keep doing that.
Transgender Ban Sparks Positive Responses
A new nonprofit created public space for transgender veterans as Trump’s transgender military ban went into effect Friday*.
The Minority Veterans of America (MVA), based in Seattle, hosted rallies in three cities. New York, Philidelphia and Seattle. While attendance was light, the message loomed large: we support you and will do so until the ban is lifted.
Partnering agencies included, National Center for Transgender Equality, Transgender American Veterans Association, The American Military Partner Association, Gender Justice League, Seattle LGBTQ Commission, U.T.O.P.I.A., King County Veterans Consortium, Ingersoll Gender Center, Seattle Women’s Commission, NYC Veterans Alliance, Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America and Steel City Stonewall Democrats.
What I particularly liked about participating in the rally was its purpose:
“To build community space for our transgender service members and veterans to express themselves and find community as well as to build power through standing in solidarity with those impacted by this policy.”
I resonate with that. It’s better helping transgender veterans find empowerment. Doing so has far more beneficial effect than “fighting against”. This applies to anything people want to improve or change.
It’s standard practice these days to push against that which is unjust. The ban is unjust (and perhaps illegal). But pushing against it or trying to shout it down fuels the ban’s continued existence.
Lindsay Church, MVA President and co-founder reiterated her organization’s message at the Seattle event. This this was not a time for shouting or anger, she said. Rather, the rallies serve to build solidarity among underrepresented military veterans.
That’s a story me and The Transamorous Network can get behind.
In your personal life, if you’re a transgender service person, you may feel, angry, disempowered, depressed, anxious or fear. You don’t have to experience that. Negative emotions come from somewhere. They come from stories you’re telling yourself about what you’re looking at. You can just as easily tell positive stories about what you’re looking at. Instead of the ones creating your negative emotions. In doing so, you create exactly what you’re wanting: improvement. However that looks.
Even with the ban, there are a lot of stories you could tell that will empower you. They’ll conjure positive emotions about the ban (yes, actual positive emotions). Focus on those stories long enough and you’ll create a reality where the ban has little if any impact on your life. Down the line, you might discover the ban no longer exists.
There stories can replace ones making you feel angry, disempowered, depressed, anxious, or fear. They are as true as the negative stories you’re telling yourself today. But you’ll notice, if you tell them, you’ll feel better about what’s happening.
Feeling better is important. It’s telling you you are connected to an improved future as opposed to a future of more of the same. Feeling better is more powerful than you may know. If you’re new to our content, this may sound alien. But it’s accurate.
The following stories will trigger positive emotions even though the ban is in place:
- This has happened before. And in every case such bans have fallen
- I’m happy to see so many people working on my behalf to lift the ban
- It’s incredible how many people are working on my behalf
- I know I am on the right side of history
- I know the world is becoming safer for transgender people
- I know more LGBTQ and women are wining local, state and federal elections and so the future is bright for me
- The California National Guard is refusing to implement the ban, that’s freaking awesome!
- Over 100 congress persons oppose the ban, with many working behind the scenes to eliminate it. That’s awesome, there are a lot of people working on my behalf.
- I appreciate those transgender service people directly impacted by the ban. They are the true casualties of this “war” on civil rights. While there are casualties in every war, it’s clear we will win this one. So the casualties will not be for nothing.
- I appreciate those transgender service people speaking their truth out loud. They’re becoming celebrities in their own right. That alone may change their lives for the better. Were it not for this ban that may not have happened. So there’s good stuff coming from this too.
There are a lot more I could offer, but I feel better reading those ten. Maybe you too. And of course, your reality must fall in line with any story you tell consistently in your life. Any story triggering emotional response creates reality if you don’t oppose it. Yes, such stories even change political reality.
A state of freedom, empowerment and positivity is the only state from which one can help others. MVA’s rally Saturday recognized community can be more powerful than resisting. It was beautiful to both watch and take part in.
Particularly impressive was U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Patricia King. She zeroed in on the main culprit sparking this ban: ignorance. The people acting out of ignorance aren’t bad. They’re ignorant. Can you get mad at someone who’s ignorant? Maybe. But does that fix anything? Or is it better to help that person rise out of ignorance?
I think the latter is so much more productive. And, it can create an ally.
One thing I shared during my speech was how important one-on-one conversations are. Patricia spoke about this too. One-on-one conversations with people on the opposite side of the issue can be powerful. That way, people can learn transgender people are human. Not boogymen.
Here are some helpful tips on doing that, from our sister organization Positively Focused. They’re worth looking at.
There’s so much more I could say about these events and MVA. They are rising at the right time in history. I met MVA’s senior leadership over the weekend. Quite an impressive team. Everyone has their hearts in the right place. And they overflow with talent, compassion and commitment for helping underrepresented minority veterans.
I’m eager to see how MVA creates space for community going forward. I can’t help think those results will help non-veteran transgender people too. After all, the minority veteran community is a reflection of our national one.
And as we’re all human, we’re all in this together.