Nice Twitter.
When empathy is not your friend
Empathy is never your friend. Not if you’re wanting to have your dream life, including a loving relationship with your dream partner.
Society heralds being empathetic as something positive. Empathy, we are told, is the ability to feel and understand the feelings of another. Sounds harmless enough. It may even be beneficial to our friends and loved ones to be empathetic. Especially when they’re feeling sad.
But is it really?
When you’re feeling what another is feeling, you’re giving control of your life to another person. If that person is feeling negative, now both of you are inviting more experiences of the kind that had your friend feel negative emotion in the first place. That’s not helpful. For either of you.
Why?
Because all that you want, including another person feeling better, is only available to you when you are in a happy place, appreciating all that life is giving you and enjoying the process of your own becoming. When you focus on another person’s negative condition, and because of that, you match their negative feeling experience, you are closing yourself off from your ability to receive what you’re wanting. That’s why you feel bad when you do that.
Your friend feels better, yes. That’s because he or she has cut herself off from his or her power by focusing on the negative aspects of a situation. So when you join them in that perspective, of course they’re going to feel better. You’re the only friend they have at that moment. They’re using you to fill the void they created by cutting themselves off from their higher self. So now you both are cut off and the only company you have is each other, both of whom are powerless.
It’s far better to relate to your friend from your only place of power: your connection with yourself. You know you’re connected with yourself when you feel good. Period. When you hold your own happiness firmly in the face of your friend who is struggling, you have a better chance of lifting them to where you are. And feeling happy is always better-feeling than any negative emotion.
If you want to have empathy, then empathize with your friends positive perspectives, even if they’re absent right now. Remind them how great they are, how great life is, how this immediate situation that has them feeling negative is temporary. This is the best medicine. For everyone.
2018: No better time to feel happy
There’s nothing better than feeling happy. Feeling happy is the start of all you want. It’s also the end of all you want: All you do you, do because you think you’ll feel better doing it. “Feel better” means getting closer and closer to feeling happy. So why not take the shortcut?
I recently conversed with a transamorous man who recently met a transwoman. He loves transwomen (obviously) but, while he is open to transwomen about his attraction, he’s not yet out to others. In other words, he’s not living an authentic, out-loud life.
I recently also had a conversation with a married transgender woman, a beautiful person from the EU. She just recently married and, to my surprise, the family of her husband (a cis man) doesn’t know she is transgender.
Now, I’ve spoken to so many transamorous men who are living their lives out loud, I am absolutely convinced there is power, joy and freedom in living transamorously, out loud. Gone is the fear. Gone is the stress. Got is the hiding. Gone is the drama.
And you know, what you fear being discovered is actually already known by others. They may not know the specifics. But they know. You think you’re hiding your attraction, but others pick up on your insecurity. Not only that, the women you find yourself attracted to also pick on it.
Sadly enough, when you’re living in the closet about your trans attraction, insecure about what others might think or say about you, you bring into your life perfect-match transwomen: transwomen who, like you, are equally as insecure. I guess that’s not so sad because you create your reality. Meaning, you can bring into your life dream-trans-women. But to do that, you first have to come to terms with yourself.
So if only for the reason of meeting better matches, it behooves you to learn to accept who and what you are and live your life out loud. It’s 2018 for goodness sakes! The world is in upheaval in the face of the transgender movement. Now is the perfect time to declare who you are.
And let the chips fall where they may.
How 2018 can be the best year of your life
What are you going to do to make this year different from 2017? Are you going to drop those pounds? Start eating right? Finally come into fully accepting who you are? Or is there something else on which you’re wanting to focus?
How about changing the way you think?
Huh?
That’s right. You could, in the next 30 days discover a brand new life – the beginning of the life of your dreams actually – by changing how you think. What do I mean by that? I mean thinking more positively about your life. No matter how bad your life might be, there is something about it, something positive, that merits your attention. Regularly focusing on that one thing, no matter how small, will, over time, make you aware of more positive things in your life.
Those things overtime will lead to you one day in the future, a year or two or three, living the life of your dreams. A life you thought was impossible.
Instead of a new years resolution, make a new years revolution. A thought revolution.
Doing so can make 2018 your best year ever.
We are all doing great
Yes, you’re trans.
Yes, you’re a feminist
Yes, you may be pissed at cis-het-men.
Yes, you may be a cis-het-man
Yes, you may be hate chasers.
Yes, you may be in the chaser stage.
Yes, you my be afraid of the future.
Yes, you may fear for your safety.
Yes, you may love to feel loved.
Yes, you may have desires you feel you may never realize.
Yes, you may crave intimacy.
Yes, you may wonder if you’ll ever have that.
Yes, there are probably a thousand other things I could put down that would describe the fears, aspirations, desires, concerns, hopes and dreams you have. But above (mostly) all, you are human.
You’ll make what people call mistakes (they aren’t). You’ll get triggered, not by what people say or do, but by the stories you make up about what they say or do.
You’ll fail to realize that everyone around you is in the same boat: they’re human too. You’ll judge, thinking you have the moral high ground (no one does).
You’ll wish you had it differently, envying others’ station, while being oblivious to your own blessings and the power you have to change your circumstances, whenever you want, for the better.
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. While perhaps never knowing what those emotions are about or what they’re telling you.
You will die.
Perhaps before that, you’ll achieve a peace and prosperity born of realizing just how profound a being you are.
And when you do, whether it happens before or after you shuffle off this mortal coil, you will find that all the while, you were doing fucking fantastic.