When Shame Kills Happy Trans-Attraction Love

The Transamorous Network
The Transamorous Network

Editor’s note: In this series, we’ll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone’s privacy. This letter and response are particularly long. We felt it important to include both the full letter and reply because it would help men like the person who wrote us.

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I feel very ashamed. Yesterday I had an encounter with a trans escort. I don’t feel proud of it because in some way I feel I contributed to the escort world, which is something against my values. I don’t want to justify it, but I realized I did it due to a buildup of tension over many years.

As a teenager I realized, accidentally, that porn featuring women with penises was the main category that turned me on. I felt really ashamed and avoided it for years, thinking it meant I was gay. I watched lots of gay porn to check, but it did nothing at all to me. I watched lesbian and heterosexual porn too. Those very rarely did something to me.

That was until one day at the university someone passed pictures of a trans woman with penis as a prank and realized again, that, instead of feeling disgust like my classmates, I was intensely turned on, even though I pretended to feel disgust like they did.

During my master’s degree I was in a long term relationship with a cisgender woman. And I actually enjoyed everything about it (including sex). But unfortunately we didn’t have the same vision of future and we parted different ways.

At that time I felt very low and sort of rediscovered porn. I realized that again, what I discovered happened to me during my adolescence still was happening. But I didn’t accept it. I felt it was related to a trauma I had to overcome or something similar, so I avoided the entire thing and suppressed my thoughts.

I have to admit that each time during my past year when I realized about it I would for a short period of time accept it as a possibility and even searched info on how transgender women lived lives, how transition felt for them, both emotionally and physically. I also read about challenges they face in everyday life and I empathized but I was scared about the idea of having that in my life.

At some point I accepted I maybe enjoyed porn featuring transgender women with penises. And let myself have sexual thoughts and reactions without doing anything about it. I didn’t feel I wanted to act on it but I felt I preferred to allow my body to feel instead of suppress.

I had one encounter with an escort. I didn’t feel much during it. So I left it at that.
After a long streak of unssuccessful dates for over 3 years with cis women in dating apps (with whom I didn’t connect). I stopped dating for a while. I went full monk mode. I spent half a year without doing anything sexual even alone. And for some reason I reconnected with a cisgender woman I met who I like and have been getting to know although I haven kissed her yet.

After some days of not meeting with that woman and lots of stress from work, one day someone sent me a prank with a picture of a transgender woman with a penis. I immediately felt intensely turned on. I felt ashamed and deleted it. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And started thinking about my adolescence reaction and all my past reactions to it. What if I had been supressing a natural attraction I had. How could I know? There was no way.

I don’t see transgender women in my everyday so I don’t have that experience. And if I see them I can’t tell them a part from cisgender women. I was very aroused and I wanted to meet with transgender woman but the idea of hurting their feelings if I was not into trans women, stopped me from opening a dating account. Also I didn’t feel ready for it.

At some point I decided I would go to an escorts service. I wanted to know my real sexual orientation. I did lots of research and found in my country it is legal for someone to create a company that gathers people who voluntarily want to do sex work. I found one that was in the register managed by women and checked if they had the licenses in order. Since they did, I thought I would give it a try one day.

But knowing I could explore my sexuality, legally and with a consenting person, I just couldn’t wait anymore and felt I had the obligation to myself and future partners to experiment now that I am still single instead of discovering it later on when I am married with someone with all the consequences it could have.

I went there and felt very anxious and uncomfortable while I was waiting. A trans woman who had different feminization surgeries entered the room, her face still looked a bit masculine, I didn’t quite feel comfortable with it, since I feel attracted to femininity, and that made me feel guilty and superficial. Once we were at it, by just touching her skin and cuddling I immediately ended, because of how intense was my reaction to her. I felt extremely embarrassed. It was totally unexpected. She calmed me and we had a normal conversation and then continued which I very much enjoyed as I liked her feminine body and behavior, even though she was not completely my ideal of femininity.

I went home and woke up thinking that I did very homosexual things with that transgender woman and the worse part was that my body enjoyed it a lot. I felt bad about it and worried. One thing that made me feel bad was that she said “you gay men enjoy us, trans women with penis”, and also that she said to another one while I was leaving “he is a fagot”.

But what doesn’t fit this narrative of me being gay is that I don’t feel the same way about men. I don’t want to touch a man’s body, I feel no interest in it, neither in porn nor in real life, the idea disgusts me. On the contrary I have fallen in love with cisgender women and had sex and enjoyed it, even though I don’t feel much interest in porn where they appear. But for trans women, I don’t know, it’s really strong my reaction to them.

I feel like I cheated on the cisgender woman I am getting to know although I am not in a relationship with her. I feel bad about that. I have a date with her in some days and I have been enjoying her company and what I feel when I am with her. But maybe it’s because I am looking at things from an exclusive lense. I don’t have to give up on cisgender women if I am attracted to trans women, and the other way around. Maybe it’s something compatible. I guess I will try to find a way to merge both into the same identity.

What’s your experience in that? Is that possible? Can a man be both attracted to cis and trans women? (Ones more emotionally strong although sexually also, and the others more sexually strong, I don’t know about emotional since I lack that experience).

How can I keep exploring safely without hurting other people’s feelings in the process? How can I meet trans women out of escort’s world? I want to have normal experiences like meeting someone that has a job like mine or similar, and that can keep intellectual conversations at my same level.

How can one deal with the guilt? and insults from others? and what’s the sexual orientation of someone that is attracted to women regardless of their genitalia?

I am scared of being physically assaulted if I meet a trans woman and this keeps me very much away from it. Not to mention I know some people I know think it’s a faggot thing and that “they are mentally ill” and men “period”. So I don’t feel comfortable about opening up about it or risking being seen with a trans woman. I still don’t feel ready for that. Maybe in the future, who knows. 

Foreign & Fearful

Hello Foreign & Fearful!

Welcome to your life. You stand at a wonderful crossroads. It is the same crossroads many men come to. It is an opportunity to grow, to become who you are authentically. When you do this, your happiness will grow too.

Your strong feeling you call “ashamed” is normal. The reason you feel shame is you think your attraction is wrong, maybe even perverted. Where did these thoughts come from? Have you thought about this?

Here is a hint: You did not think this way when you were born.

Your happiness depends on accepting ALL of who you are, part of which is being attracted to transgender women. Your resistance exists because you have false beliefs which contradict your authentic self. Your opportunity is this: become more of who you are. Give up beliefs that are contrary to who you are. The more you do this, the happier you will be. Period.

Some escorts do what they do because they believe that’s all they can do, or they enjoy what they do to some degree. You are not responsible for contributing to anything other than your own life and experiences you have. People you interact with are there cooperatively, they help you create experiences so you can see who you are authentically, then embrace more of who you are. Your shame, as I wrote above, tells you you are not embracing who you are. So your shame is a very good thing!

Where do your values come from? Do you know? It’s a question worth asking.

There are no accidents. As a teenager you encountered women with penises because you wanted to. You wanted to because you knew such experience would increase your happiness and help you embrace all of who you are. You knew if you embraced this part of you and lived it authentically, you’d have a happy life.

But values you learned over time, caused you to shy away in fear. That’s why you avoided it for many years. You think being attracted to women with penises means you’re gay. But later, in your email, you recognize they are NOT the same thing. GAY MEN ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN!

Attraction to cisgender women is compatible with attraction to transgender women. Why is that? Because transgender women, even transgender women with penises are women. THEY ARE NOT FEMALE. But who cares about that??? It is irrelevant.

So there is no conflict in cisgender attraction and trans-attraction. The problem – for trans-attracted men – is women with penises. Because what’s possible with that kind of woman, for the trans-attracted man, makes them special. There are many more positive characteristics trans women have over ciswomen, most of which have nothing to do their penis.

Transgender women bring interesting extra experiences because of their journey. Those experiences make some of them extremely strong, resilient, confident, and people who don’t take any bullshit. These are very positive traits in a woman.

It is good that you examined your trans-attraction as you did. Good for you too that you softened your resistance to your sexual attraction so you can enjoy your thoughts and reactions. That’s progress, right?!!!!

About your encounter with the escort: It’s possible your fears and apprehensions overwhelmed your latent enjoyment. That happens a lot when men have their first encounter. Don’t make too much about that.

Accidents are not accidents: There is more going on in life than people acknowledge. These “pranks” are not accidents, nor are they coincidence. They are YOU showing yourself where your genuine, authentic, NATURAL attraction exists. It is you saying to you: “accept who you are and stop judging it as bad. If you must judge it, judge it as good. BECAUSE IT IS!”

You must understand that your intense positive feelings are telling you what you’re doing is VERY GOOD.

And this strong negative feeling…and subsequent action…tells you that your stories about this VERY GOOD THING are inconsistent with your natural, wholesome desires. You know what you want, you know you’ll find joy in it. But your stories born or bogus “values” are keeping you from having it.

Every human being has a number of stories going on at any one time. They simultaneously create their ongoing reality. Take the transgender escort, for example. It is 100 percent certain her stories include “the only men interested in a transgender woman with a penis are faggots” (this is bogus).

She also has stories which create low self worth, insecurity and fear (about meeting someone who will accept her). It also is highly likely she doesn’t like her penis, wants to get rid of it, and is ashamed at having one. This is obvious for several reasons I will not go into in this response.

But you and her are a perfect match because she feels many of the same ways about herself that you feel about yourself, and you feel about her….and vice versa. So you two were a perfect match. Of course you two would meet each other!

You can’t hold on to values contrary to your happiness and be happy.

Any man will find an attractive woman attractive. Including transgender women. The only reason men feel revulsion is when they discover (or know in advance) that that woman either has a penis or once had a penis. They get turned off only because, for them penis = gay.

Should you seek trans women outside the escort world? At this point, I don’t recommend it. Not yet. Before you go outside the escort world, you first have to develop more comfort with who you are and what you like. Otherwise you will meet terrible transgender women.

Keep exploring with escorts. While you do that, seriously consider changing your values. Consider your stories and change them. You must come to the point where you are happy being you. If you don’t do that first, any action you take will connect you with trans women who are exactly like you: insecure, shamed of who they are, angry at men like you (chasers), and therefore your experiences will only inflame your insecurity and shame.

Does this make sense?

Insults from others will disappear once you change your stories about many things you have stories about. Many of those men who ridicule other men who have desires like yours have the same desires. They cover their shame by shaming others.

Your guilt and shame will disappear too when you change your stories.

As for labels, don’t worry about labels. Your question “what’s the sexual orientation of someone that is attracted to women regardless of their genitalia?” Is 100 percent irrelevant.

People use labels to categorize then judge. What are you wanting a label for it? Just know what you like is good and pursuing what you like will create the best life for you. Once you do something about your stories.

Last words: You are on a path. You are discovering an important part of who you are. This path is extremely good for you and for others. This path leads to more happiness for you (and others). Take your time, go slow. Read material on our website and watch our videos. There is a lot of free information that will help you understand who you are, what you’re going through and how to move forward. You are not alone. Many many men are having similar experiences.

Thanks for writing and enjoy your trans-attraction!


Misgendered: A Great Opportunity For Love Not Hate

(Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)

The easiest way to get someone to stop misgendering you involves loving that person when they do it. Especially when parents misgender you. Here’s why we advocate this approach at The Transamorous Network.

Parents stick to misgendering their trans kids because they think they’re right. Nearly all people think they’re right about what they think they know. Another reason they do it involves pain. They don’t want to be wrong. Being wrong feels painful.

Parents think they know more than their children do. They’re wrong, but remember, they think they’re right and being wrong feels painful. Besides, they don’t want to believe the person they love is not the person they thought the person was.

Changing in front of children is hard

Acknowledging your identity also confronts their social standing and that’s hard for old people. No one likes losing face and old people really don’t. Your parents not only must confront their own judgements, they must also face their peers’ judgments too.

That’s tough. Misgendering you let’s them live in la la land. There they’re right and they save face. That’s a lot keeping your mom and dad misgendering you.

Parents also find socially embarrassing and humiliating being judged when in public. They care a LOT about what other people think about them. For some, their whole identity depends on what others think about them. For others, their entire career depends on it.

So parents face tremendous pressure when a child declares themselves trans.

We’re not making excuses for your parents. We’re showing you how to get what you want from them: You want them to use proper pronouns and call you by the name matching who you are.

Parents, especially older ones think they know everything. Your trans status usually confronts everything they think they know. So you must be the adult. Because they can’t. They’re too triggered. (Photo by CDC on Unsplash)

But it’s all about them…not you

Notice what happens when you resist when they misgender you: They double down, refuse your wishes, disown you or you them. Why? Because they’re defending themselves, their stories and their world view. For a while, these things are more important than a relationship with you.

All that means NOTHING about you. It’s all about them. Notice too the more you push against their world view, the more they resist you. In our vernacular, here is what happens when you resist what they do.

First, you reinforce many stories you have about your parents, which sets up future repeat experiences of what you’re resisting. You know this when you feel negative when they do what you don’t like.

Second, your parents resist your resistance, which creates in their world repeat experiences too. So you both cooperate in creating new experiences just like existing ones. Experiences neither you nor them enjoys.

This is why your parents misgendering you won’t stop until you stop resisting what they do. Of course, they could stop resisting who you really are. But, ironically, you’re the adult in this case. Not your parents. So you must make the first move.

A real example speaks volumes

A transgender client asked us why her parents kept misgendering her recently. I told her exactly what you’re reading. I said because she keeps resisting when they do it.

The most recent time happened in a social event. Her mom and step dad both called her by her dead name and used male pronouns. They did it in front of everyone. My client was embarrassed because she puts a lot of weight on what other people think about her.

The next day, a relative approached my client. “I can’t believe your parents did that in front of everybody!” this relative said. “It makes me so angry when they do that! They know you’re trans, why do they keep doing it?”

When my client told me what her relative said and how angry he was, I told my client “You don’t want to be listening to this person. Hearing this person’s stories and making them your own will just create more situations between you and your parents where they will misgender you.”

“Instead,” I said. “You should love your parents. Look for everything they do to support you. Find things you like about them. Focus on those things. When they misgender you, pretend it didn’t happen!”

My client laughed at first. She didn’t understand how doing this would work.

When you push against what you don’t like you’re setting yourself up for more of what you don’t like. That creates a lot of cray-cray on all sides. Instead, find good things about where you are and watch where you are change. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)

Here’s why it works

It works because whatever you look at will get bigger in your life. Whatever you look at that you feel emotional about will get bigger, faster in your life. So when you keep looking at, and get angry about ANYONE who misgenders you, you’re essentially saying “Universe, give me more of this!”

I told my client this and she said she understood.

But when she came to the next session she said he did not follow my advice. Then she told me what happened.

She had a telephone conversation with her mom. While on the phone, her relative’s complaints about her mom popped up in her head. Then she heard my voice in her head telling her not to heed her relative’s stories. But she also felt the pull of that negative story about her mom.

So instead of looking for things love-worthy in her mom she followed impulses that came from her relative’s negative stories.

“Mom,” she said. “I hope you can hear me when I say this. It really hurts me when you don’t use the correct pronouns. It also hurts me when you call me by my old name. I wish you wouldn’t do that.”

Like a match to gasoline…

Exactly as I described above, her mom got defensive instead of listening to what my client said. She didn’t hear a word my client said. Here’s what she did hear:

  • You’re wrong
  • You’re bad
  • I know better than you
  • Do what I say!
  • Your values are wrong
  • Your beliefs are wrong

Is it any surprise what happened next? Her mom got defensive, then angry, then went into a rage. She attacked my client (remember this is a phone call). In response, my client lost her cool and attacked back.

My client’s mom had the phone on speaker and her husband (my client’s step father) also jumped in. Of course he defended his wife. That’s natural, right?

My client said she said things to her mom she regrets saying. She also said her mom said things she’s never said to my client before. The phone call happened three days ago. My client and her mom hadn’t talked since.

Your anger at those who misgender you acts as a match to gasoline. The fire just gets hotter…until you learn the better way. That learning needn’t be as hard as it is though. (Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash)

Lesson learned the hard way

My client left the conversation extremely hurt. But it was all good because she realized through that very painful experience the accuracy of how this work works.

You just cannot get what you want when you focus on what you don’t want. Focusing on what you don’t want just gives you more of that.

So if you want someone to stop misgendering you, you can’t react negatively when they do it. Instead, you must find things to appreciate about the person. When someone misgenders you, you must talk yourself out of negative reactions. Then find positive things to say that cause you to feel good.

Until you do, until you learn to master your emotional responses to events, you just keep getting more practice. Practice which looks like people misgendering you!

It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it? But try it. You’ll find in short order that those who refuse to accept who you are will change. Then you’ve mastered your happiness.

It will take longer for loved ones only because you’ve got persistent stories about them, about how they are, and you think you’re right about that. But even persistent beliefs can change.

And when your beliefs change, everything else does too.

Cheating With T-Girls Now Puts You At Great Risk

Photo by Andrew Itaga on Unsplash

If you’re married, trans-attracted, and sexing up transgender women on the side, you might be putting you and your marriage at great risk. That’s because while The Transamorous Network doesn’t ruin marriages, someone in the transgender community does.

Yours could be next. 😱

In the last six months, I got calls from two different people I normally don’t get calls from. The first call came from a distraught father in the midwest. He worried about his estranged son, who went dark over a year ago. Apparently, his son moved to Oregon (where I live), got in trouble with the law and wasn’t in a good place.

I asked the father how he heard about this and why, on earth, he called me…

The other call came from a wife here in the Northwest. She called twice back-to-back during a client session. After my client, I returned her call. She was raging angry. Apparently she discovered her husband cheated on her with transgender women for years.

This call felt more connected with Transamorous Network practice compared to the father conversation. Still, mild surprise had me ask her how she got my number…

Cheating trans-attracted men put on blast

Both the father and wife answered my question the same way. They each got a letter.

Each letter, addressed specifically to the father and wife, detailed the son and husband’s involvement with transgender women. The hand-written letters told, in first person details, about the son’s and husband’s trans-attraction activities. Only someone intimately involved with them would know details shared.

In the father’s case, the letter said something like “your son sleeps with trans women, you need to accept that so he’ll accept it too.” The letter addressed to the wife described the husband in unsavory terms and included details about his dalliances I’d prefer not describe.

Far more shocking though was what both letters shared. Both concluded with references to The Transamorous Network and my telephone number. No return address. Both recipients thought we sent the letter.

We did not.

A Transgender caped crusader or vigilante?

What’s going on here? A transgender woman, or group maybe, outs men to their families and spouses after sharing beds with them. The men seem oblivious, the partners and families feel shocked and saddened. Marriages start unraveling, angers soar (mostly among wives).

I don’t blame the wives. Were I in their shoes, I’d be pissed too!

If you’ve read our blog comments section, you know more wives show up nowadays expressing rage, frustration and judgement about everything about their husbands’ cheating. The good news: these marriages weren’t going to last anyway. The men clearly are trans-attracted. And while a few men can remain cis-married and trans-attracted, most must reconcile their attraction and marital status.

Still, I must ask: Who has it out for these men? Did a group of transgender women start collaborating to out these DL men? Or has one transgender woman resolved to teach them a lesson by destroying their families?

Maybe she or they have had it with DL men. Perhaps they think blowing up marriages creates a big enough shock to get men to own their natural attraction in the open. It’s not an approach I endorse.

And why include The Transamorous Network in all this? For sure, both married men and wives can benefit from what we do. In fact, I’ve already supported one woman (not the one who called recently) seeking advice on next steps with her trans-attracted husband and marriage.

What’s my role in all this?

Both incidences involved men in the Northwest. So it’s likely the trans-vigilantes, fed up with men on the DL and determined to punish these men, operate in the Northwest. Or, they might be nationwide.

Who knows?

One thing’s for sure: Neither me nor The Transamorous Network knows who these transgender women are. We also didn’t give them permission to use our contact information. But we must say two things about this: one, it’s good for business, as the angry wives call us looking for answers. We can help in that regard.

So it was smart referring these people to us.

Second, At least these vigilantes are giving the couple a resource that could dramatically change everyone’s life for the better. Including the vigilantes.

So men – you’ve been warned. Beware. Before you put your pee pee in that hole think about that ring on your finger. Looks like now, if you’re cheating on your cisgender wife, the risks of you getting outed just went up.

Transgender Women: Meet Your Amazing Man: Don’t Do This!”

Photo by Jens Lindner on Unsplash

Nothing convinces better than life experience. That’s why I show transgender people and trans-attracted and transamorous men how to create in their lives proof that their stories can fulfill any desire imaginable. Including meeting amazing romantic partners.

But if YOU want to meet your amazing romantic partner, you gotta stop doing what so many other women do.

I have several transgender clients creating living proof that stories create reality. Gradually, their dreams flow into their lives with less and less effort. They’re happy, sure, eager about life and eager about meeting their matches. Like “Nadia” here:

Then there are others…

Occasionally however, I talk with transgender women who are not clients. I share the same stuff I tell my clients. What’s crazy is even though my clients’ lives offer a metric shit-ton of evidence of their dreams becoming real, these transgender women just don’t get it.

But I do.

Not being a Transamorous Network client, it’s hard (but not impossible) to understand your stories about reality create your reality. It’s way easer defending your limiting stories, which in turn limit your life. Like this transgender woman recently did while talking with me on Facebook:

A transgender woman vigorously defending her limiting beliefs with stories detailing what she doesn’t want, instead of what she wants. That’s a problem.

I’m not trans, but I have personal experience helping trans and non-trans people create fun, fulfilling lives. Everyone I work with gets lives filled with everything they want

So when I adamantly say “transgender women can have any future they imagine, and any kind of partner they want,” I mean it. 😌

He’s looking for you. Are you looking in the right places? (Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash)

Stand in the truth you want to live

Of course, many people know what they want. But most don’t know how to easily get it. Instead they do what others are doing, or what they’ve always done. Like the transgender woman above, when they get results consistent with what others get (results that suck), they get upset, frustrated and rant about what they’re getting. All the while not realizing their frustration exists for a reason.

Any experience a person has is valid. That doesn’t mean it’s the Truth with a capital T, or that their experience is an objective fact. There is no one Truth and there are no objective facts.

For example, many, many transgender women think all men are pieces of shit, want to bottom and fetishize transgender women for their penises.

Two transgender women commiserating over their truths. What is the price they pay for living this truth? Easy: no relationships, or relationships that suck.

SOME men may be this way, sure. And for transgender women who tell such stories, that’s pretty much the only men they meet. So of course, it’s TRUE that SOME men are this way.

But does standing in stories complaining about and commiserating over such men give you what you want? It clearly doesn’t, right?

Is standing in that truth really worth not getting what you want…especially when a better truth exists were you CAN get what you want?

I don’t think so.

Most people don’t know how to easily get what they want

Instead of looking forward to what one wants and talking about that, most people, transgender, trans-attracted or even plain ol’ cis, will complain about what they’re getting. They’ll complain to whoever will listen, and plenty of people exist who will not only listen, but add their own complaints in the mix.

That’s a definite no-no for both parties because in doing that, neither party helps the other get what they want.

One trans woman seeks confirmation of her story…
And another gives it, thereby reinforcing the unwanted story for herself and her friend. If you want that amazing guy STOP DOING THIS.

It’s fun when a person understands life always shows one what stories are creating what realities. Only people who understand this though can do something about it thereby fulfilling their desires.

But since most people don’t understand this, they don’t know what to do that’s different. They keep doing the same thing over and over, or do things others are doing, thinking just because others are doing it, it will work for them. 🙄

Life is on everyone’s side

What I know is, life is 100 percent faithful to everyone. It is ALWAYS on every person’s side, showing them the sum total of what stories they’re telling. Life gives them plenty of early warning too, so a person understanding this can change a reality well before it becomes…well…reality.

Life is helping the transgender women in these examples above. But they don’t understand how. So they keep doing what they’re doing and getting what they give the most air-time to: opportunity to complain about men who treat them consistent with their stories.

If you, dear reader, want a different (better) love life, or anything else in your life, you must try a better way.

Impatience is not your friend…well…it is, kinda

People (and transpeople particularly) have a distorted perspective relative to results and time. Before any significant time passes they’re impatient and wondering why they’re not getting what they want.

The transgender woman above complains about what she’s getting or rather what she’s not getting, even though she’s only been dating for 12 months. But twelve months is a blink of an eye in universal terms! And yet, people think that’s a long time, then lose their shit when what they want hasn’t come by then.

That’s lunacy!

Looks are nice, but you’re wanting more than that, I promise. But none of what you want will come easily if you’re impatient. (Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash)

Life will give anyone what they want, but when a person gets impatient about it, it can’t happen. Why? Because feeling “impatient” tells you you’re giving more air-time to your complaint than your desire. And wherever you put your attention, you get more of that. In this case, putting your attention on having no relationship gives you exactly that: no relationship!

You don’t need options

Men and women think having a selection is a good thing. That’s why so many people are on dating sites. But the Universe will give you exactly what you want without you having to search or select.

You don’t need a “pool” of men. Thinking you need a selection means you don’t believe the Universe and life is on your side. You’re trying to do what life will do for you. And it will do it far easier than if you do it.

That’s why it’s so hard finding a partner, trans girl. Stop trying to do the Universe’s job.

You only need one man (if that’s what you want): that one amazing guy. But if you think you need to find him, or select him from a pool, you’re barking up the wrong tree (to mix metaphors LOL).

This bears repeating: The more you complain about the men you don’t want, the more you’re going to connect with that kind of man. Wanting that amazing man in your life means focusing on him. Not on the men you’re meeting who aren’t that.

It’s no wonder so many trans women have similar dating experiences. Most do the same things, get the same results then complain to each other about what they get.

Don’t be those women. Instead, tell stories about the man you want. Revel in the wonderful things going on in your life. Stay away from transgender women who complain. Then watch how life easily gives you what you want.

This may be hard to hear: It’s not the men that are the problem. It’s how you’re going about getting what you want. Change that up and see what happens.

How To Overcome The One Thing Creating Sucky Lives, Trans or Trans-attracted

Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash

A common experience among newer Transamorous Network clients is “split energy”. Here’s why resolving split energy is not only important, it can be a joyful process and create a life worth loving.

But first, let’s look at what split energy is, why it happens and why so many transgender and trans-attracted people don’t know about split energy and thus struggle with it.

What is split energy?

Split energy happens when belief and desire conflict with one another. It can also happen when a person stands in two different, opposite stories at the same time.

For example, a trans-attracted man might want a transwoman as a partner. That’s a story creating certain desires and impulses. But that same man might have a story saying transgender women are actually men, or, that being attracted to transgender women makes him gay.

He might also believe (a belief is a story) that giving up his marriage (to a cisgender woman) in order to be with a transgender woman would be too great a burden to bear.

Split energy means having a foot in two different camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash) The Transamorous Network
Split energy means having a foot in two different story camps, or telling stories that conflict with desires. Split energy often feels like confusion, uncertainty and anxiety. (Photo by Sherise VD on Unsplash)

One client, for example, believes transgender women are not serious about having a serious monogamous relationship, so he only meets transgender women matching that story. Meanwhile, he believes his wife can’t live without him and if he divorces her, she’ll fall apart. It’s no wonder he feels anxiety, stress and indecision about his trans-attraction, born of split energies of wanting a transgender woman, believing they’re just fantasies, and needing to stay with his wife.

Those examples show how a man might have split energy. What split energy might a transgender woman have?

She might have a story that she wants to be with a man, yet believes all men who desire her are perverts, scum, or “chasers”. Or she might have the story that she can’t get a job because she’s trans, but also wants a job. So the men she meets are perverts and scum, and she remains unemployed, struggling and alone.

It should be obvious split energy also happens when someone has a desire they don’t believe is fulfillable. They don’t think their desire can happen. Desire existing alongside disbelief creates split energy too.

Why it’s a struggle

Many people struggle with split energy while not knowing they’re struggling. They think negative emotions indicating split energy – confusion, feeling uncertain, anxiety, insecurity and more – are just part of life.

But life is supposed to be fun, easy and filled with desires that fulfill themselves. Actually, that’s what’s happening all the time, even for someone with split energy.

But a person with split energy creates over and over, the reality containing and reflecting back to them, the combination of their split energy. That’s why nothing seems to change for the person, or why things change, but often stay the same or get worse.

In other words, life SUCKS when split energy dominates.

It’s more common than you think

Many popular communities generate split energy situations. Religions are a major culprit. Religions as sometimes practiced, contradict beliefs that are normal, wholesome and good. But some people in these organizations, especially trans-attracted and transgender people, but not only such people, create split energy when their natural, normal, wholesome desires contradict religious doctrine.

My clients who are Christian or Jewish struggle with stories taken from their religion. Their religious upbringing keeps them feeling unworthy, fearful, in shame, and in self reproach because religious teachings do not allow or agree that certain desires are natural, normal, wholesome and good.

The Transamorous Network
A major source of split energy are religions combined with an authentic self at odds with religious doctrine. (Photo by Dejan Livančić on Unsplash)

I know some people practicing religion-inspired beliefs do not have that experience. I’m not saying that religion is bad across-the-board. So if you are a believer, a Christian or a Jew, and you’re happy, then enjoy your happy life. 😌

People who do come to me seeking what I offer, who also have backgrounds in religion, struggle at first with split energy generated from their desires and their religious beliefs.

You are god in a human body

For example, it’s very difficult for a Christian or a Jew to believe they are God in a human body creating reality as they move through life.

It’s difficult for some Christians to accept that they can fulfill all their desires, especially desires Christianity tells them are sinful or bad or will send them to hell.

Clients brought up in religion literally have one foot in their religious beliefs, and another foot testing the waters of something they know holds promise. They want their desires, but their religion says their desires are “sinful”. That’s split energy born of conflicting stories.

My mentor adds a beautiful dimension to all this:

“Continuing to tell stories of [for example] shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. A different story will bring different results: My thoughts are the basis for the [fulfillment] of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money, and health, for my comfort and joy.”

– Abraham

Other split energy sources

Religion isn’t the only source that can create split energy. Beliefs adopted from one’s parents or one’s culture often create split energy.

One of my client’s parents, for example, raised her to believe a woman must serve her family to the exclusion of her own desires. She is a powerful woman and is embracing this new approach I offer. As a result she is moving quickly through soothing these old beliefs.

A text message illustrating a The Transamorous Network principle
My client learns how good it feels focused on oneself.
The Transamorous Network example of cleaning up split energy.
An example of how good it feels cleaning up split energy.

And yet she finds it fascinating how much her old beliefs cause resistance in her which feels like a “struggle” to her. Her old beliefs tell her serving her own selfish desires is bad and wrong. In fact, there’s no better way to be in service to others than when one selfishly pursues one’s desires.

Why selfishness is good

Putting both feet in the “taking care of me” camp results in maximum connection to one’s Broader Perspective, that part of us that knows everything we want, where it is and how to get it. And it is that maximum connection that allows all that one desires to flow effortlessly into one’s life experience, including impulses that, when followed, put you squarely in a fulfilling desire’s path.

“Taking care of me” creates a life experience of joyful exuberance. One sees life experience shaping to the new stories, morphing from the old one and becoming the source or the foundation of a blissful life.

The blissful life leads to self love. And when one loves oneself, it is simple, easy, and joyful loving others. And being selfish, you become the most generous person anyone knows.

Integrating one’s stories so they all reflect what one wants creates wonderful epiphanies, seemingly amazing coincidences. Clear indisputable manifestations are so convincing, you get that life is meant to be fun.

Joyful non-resistance

Split energy resits fulfilling desires. Releasing resistance by cleaning up split energy uncovers every human being’s natural joy. The more a person stands with both feet in that joy, the more blissful their life gets. All of my clients experience this to one degree or another.

The Universe stands ready to deliver to anyone a life consistent with their goodness, their worthiness, their natural connection to the joy of being.

Everyone experiences the joy of life. Bogus stories mask that experience. Split energy results. Cleaning that up starts with wanting to clean it up. The rest happens automatically.