Tag: Am I Gay?

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One study: These men aren’t gay

They're not gayBeing gay isn’t a bad thing. Labelling trans-attracted and transamorous men gay, however, creates a host of problems for everyone. Especially because that label – that men sexually and or romantically attracted to transgender women are gay – doesn’t align at all with how trans-attracted and transamorous men actually feel. It’s very similar to calling a transgender woman a man…when she clearly is not.

I just received a 2015 study from a transamorous man, which appears to confirm the fact that men like us are not gay. While I realize science is hardly objective, and has often been used to discredit the LGBT community, I was inspired to read this study.

This study showed there is a great deal of overlap between the sexual tastes of straight men and men interested in transwomen, whereas there is very little overlap between gay men and the men interested in trans women. Here’s how the researchers put it:

[Transamorous and trans-attracted] men had arousal patterns similar to those of heterosexual men and different from those of homosexual men. However, compared to heterosexual men, [Transamorous and trans-attracted] men were relatively more aroused by transgender erotic stimuli than by female erotic stimuli.

I knew this all along of course. I remember seeing a counselor with past cis-gender partners for couples counseling, something I believed at the time had value and merit (I don’t now). After having seen me through several relationships, he suggested I see him alone a couple times. After that he recommended I see a friend of his, another counselor. This person tried to convince me to own the “fact” that I was homosexual.

That idea felt so naturally wrong to me. Not that being gay was bad, but because it just didn’t fit how I felt.

It still doesn’t.

Clearly, this is just one study. Still, you gotta start somewhere. It’s good to see science catching up. As the transgender community draws more attention to itself, I’m sure more people will start looking at the part of the community that gets very little attention…and a lot of vilification…from both the cisgender community and, sadly, the transgender community.

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Our Podcast is looking good

Shannon and REmy
Shannon Scott and Remy Ilmatar, co-hosts of the Transamorous Network Podcast

I’m excited this morning. I’m thinking about the first episode of The Transamorous Network’s Podcast, which we recorded last week. It was fascinating. Remy Ilmatar and Shannon Scott, my co-hosts and I were so in synch with our thoughts and ideas shared during the show. I’m eager to share it with everyone.

We’re going go get a few more episodes in the can though before we launch it. Still, I’m excited. Can you tell?

Remy is a dear friend I met while attending a trans function here in Portland. We hit it off, had tea, hit it off even more, then became friends. One thing lead to another and I asked if she’d be willing to help edit the Man’s Guide To Finding Your Transgender Partner. It’s funny, I asked five of my transgender friends to read it. She was the only one who completed it. I admire her for that follow through.

Anyway, not only did she do a great job on editing the work, the work had a transformational effect on her life, even though The Man’s Guide wasn’t written for transwomen (I’m working on The Transwoman’s Guide now). She talks a lot about this in our first Podcast Episode. It’s so cool.

So far, one of the best decisions I’ve made with Transamorous Network was to invite Remy as a (test) Co-host. Her views are a perfect complement for the show. Of course, her credibility as a transwoman is gold, so is her natural character, which is a “I take no shit from no one.” May I sum it up that way Remy?

Expect her to have colorful things to add to our upcoming interviews.

I met Shannon through a series of events, events which I describe in both guides. They were a seemingly “coincidental” string of introductions, activities and conversations which had us meet. Our meeting, over tea lasted three hours! Neither one of us wanted it to end, we connected that strongly. Shannon is launching her own motivational speaking company to help corporations become more sensitive to issues related to gender. I’m thrilled she’s doing that work because she’s a natural. She tells her story in this first episode too.

Together, Remy, Shannon and I riff off one another quite nicely. I’m excited to work with both to them as test co-hosts. I write “test” because at the moment, we only have one show in raw production. I don’t know how this will turn out. So far though, I’m smiling. I think  Remy and Shannon are too.

I don’t know why we didn’t get a threesome picture together. We talked about it. Somehow it just skipped all our minds. It’s ok, there’s plenty of time to grab that pic. I’m just excited these two cool women are willing to play. It’s going to be fun. How do I know that? Because it already is.